Not sure how I feel about this

[Moxie]

Today, I found out that a big *event* in a young girls life happened a few weeks ago and my DD did not mention it to me.  I only found out today because I'm going to the store and she asked for supplies.  I'm not sure if I should feel happy that she's so comfortable with herself or sad that she was too embarrassed to come to me.  For sure, we'll be talking more this weekend!

 

Moral of the story--super glad that I prepared her even though I thought she was too young.  She's super tiny so I really thought we had another year.   

[kewb]

Be happy she is secure in herself.  

I know I would have felt kind of sad if that happened to me.  I had let my daughter know that ice cream would be involved in the big event.  She was thrilled to tell me.

[Word Nerd]

I didn't tell my mom until I needed to--the LAST thing I wanted was a big deal to be made of it. It wasn't embarrassment so much as something I wanted to keep private. Try not to take it personally.

[Catwoman]

Maybe she knew you thought it was a "big event" in her life, but she found it kind of embarrassing and uncomfortable to talk about until she absolutely had to mention it.

 

I think that's pretty normal. Fortunately, you'd already done the right thing by preparing her for it.

[Mandylubug]

Ugh. Brings back bad memories. When I told my mom the event had arrived. I was given a pack of "boats" and asked if I had any questions. I then was sent off to my cousins house because they had an anniversary trip they left on. It was awkward and weird to have someone other than my mom help me through that first experience. She (my cousin)did thankfully buy me some supplies other than huge boats and tried to be there for me. You could tell it was weird for her too.

 

I don't think it is something to celebrate per say but it isn't something to dump and run on either.

[Wilma]

I remember being embarrassed about the whole thing and I'm sure I didn't mention it the first go-around.  But I love my mom!  And I always did!  Things were fine!

[Chris in VA]

I'm sorry it wasn't as you expected, but ITA with PP that you did well to prepare her.

 

I didn't know how to broach the subject with my mom, so one day (THE day) when she came into my room, I held up my underwear with a stain in it.

 

Not the most elegant conversation starter.

 

She was never really comfortable with body stuff, but at least she was kind and got me what I needed. Wouldn't let me use tampons, though.

 

So, with dd, I was different--still kind (hopefully! lol) but with more of a humorous, lighthearted take.

 

It's just how we are.

 

In fact, yesterday, my dd came into the kitchen and deadpanned, "I'm tired and my uterus hurts." Cracked me up.

 

 

 

 

[jenn-]

We've been preparing my DD since she was 8 as my mom and sister were 10 and I was 11 when we all started.  Needless to say, at 13.5 yr it was more of a finally moment for DD then a celebrating moment.  Since then, she is sooo over it.

[Moxie]

Just to clarify, I had no plan to go all Cosby-Show-Woman's-Day on her.  I was just really surprised that she didn't mention it.  I'll talk to her more this weekend.  I wonder how many of her friends know??

[Wilma]

Ugh. I would have rathered a poke in the eye than a conversation about any of it. I don't think I talked with friends about it, either. It just seemed private and personal.

[AlmiraGulch]

I never told my mom.  DD17 told me eventually, probably when she needed to go to the store.

 

I told both my girls that it's their own business and they can tell me or not.  There are supplies readily available for both of them.  

 

I guess I can't really understand being disappointed about not being told.  I'm not criticizing at all, so I hope it doesn't come across that way.  I just don't understand that being something I need to know about.    

[KidsHappen]

Five dds. One was with her father for the summer when she started so I found out after the fact. Two told me right away and two didn't mention it at all. I had had the talk with all of them at about age 9 and the bathrooms were fully stocked so there really wasn't any reason they needed to tell me but I did think it was odd at the time. Now that I look back on it though, I think some were just more private about it at the time. They are all pretty comfortable discussing it when need be now though. 

[indigomama]

I told my mom, and she said, while walking away "Uh, there's things under the sink". Yeah, no prep and now I'm 12 and having to figure out tampons. I guess I am glad they had classes in public school or I would have been completely unaware of anything, and my mom was no help. 

[Catwoman]

Just to clarify, I had no plan to go all Cosby-Show-Woman's-Day on her.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I know that some moms turn it into this World Class Event, complete with a mother-daughter day out, but I would have been mortified if my mom had done that!!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ugh. I would have rathered a poke in the eye than a conversation about any of it. I don't think I talked with friends about it, either. It just seemed private and personal.

Yes.  Definitely not a communal event in my book!  

 

My mom gave me supplies that still had to be fastened with a garter belt - must have been leftover for years and years. . .!  I ended up starting at boarding school and the older girls in the dorm filled me in on how to use more modern supplies.  So my friends knew but out of necessity, not choice.  

[Joyofsixreboot]

I didn't mention it to my mom because it seemed like not a big deal.  She figured it out from the trash. I just didn't see the big deal.  My older two girls pretty much mentioned it in passing, sort of like cutting their nails or washing their hair.  Be glad she is secure.

 

[trulycrabby]

I didn't tell my mom either, she figured it out when the supplies kept disappearing. I think it's just a very private and personal event for a young girl.

[Tammi K]

Four daughters. Two told. Two didn't. Eh, different kids. All 4 knew where everything was and how to use it.  Some of them felt the desire to share. The other two wanted to keep it private.

 

As long as the rest of your relationship is secure and your kids know they can come to you if they have questions, I wouldn't worry. Trust the you did a good job of making it a low key event.

 

[deannajo]

my oldest announced it from the rooftops, the next one sent me a text...kinda like "Oh, by the way" type of thing, and did NOT want to talk about it beyond that, although now, she'll talk about cramps and supplies, etc., and #3 had to process it and talk a lot about it, but in private. We'll see how #4 goes, but she's very private. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't tell anyone, for months and months..or like if one of her sisters notice that their supplies are dwindling when they aren't using them, and they tell me. But we'll see. She'll be 10 in a week and a half, and she's teeny tiny, so I think we have some time. All three of the other girls started at 12 - the oldest two started right before they turned 13 though. Like by a week or so.

[ThisIsTheDay]

Mine did the same thing.  I was surprised, but I figured she was happy sharing however much she wanted to share with me.  It certainly was nothing personal. She's a super private person, and she knew I was there if she needed anything.

[HRAAB]

I never told my mom.  I'm not really sure why.  I loved my mom and ;usually felt very comfortable talking to her about almost anything.  I guess I just figured it was my issue.  All my girls have told me...I think...except one of my twins.  We talked about it about 6 mos. ago, and she has never said anything since.  Maybe I need to gently ask her.  I've been so busy with other things, I never thought about it again.  I always have plenty of supplies on hand since there are so many females in this house.

[Ethel Mertz]

My Mom gave me one of those garter belt things and a Red Cross Brochure on menstruation and told me to ask her if I had any questions. I thought I had a national disaster.

[Catwoman]

My Mom gave me one of those garter belt things and a Red Cross Brochure on menstruation and told me to ask her if I had any questions. I thought I had a national disaster.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[In2why]

I told my mom, and she said, while walking away "Uh, there's things under the sink". Yeah, no prep and now I'm 12 and having to figure out tampons. I guess I am glad they had classes in public school or I would have been completely unaware of anything, and my mom was no help. 

 

 

I was on a trip with my grandmother who absolutely lost her mind when I asked her to buy me tampons.  Thank goodness that my Mom had prepared me because as far as my grandmother was concerned girls who wore tampons were not and could not be virgins. I actually had to explain the facts of life to an older woman who was sure I had lost my purity.  It involved a phone call with my Mother and even then she still gave me the stink eye.   

 

Believe it or not my Grandmother was otherwise amazing and we traveled all over the Country together.

[ktgrok]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I know that some moms turn it into this World Class Event, complete with a mother-daughter day out, but I would have been mortified if my mom had done that!!!

 

My mom brought me home a balloon. A big balloon that said, 'congrats!" on it. I about DIED. I think there was a rose too, but I'm not sure. The balloon, however, has left me traumatized. I know now that she meant well...but dear heavens. 

[KidsHappen]

Yes.  Definitely not a communal event in my book!  

 

My mom gave me supplies that still had to be fastened with a garter belt - must have been leftover for years and years. . .!  I ended up starting at boarding school and the older girls in the dorm filled me in on how to use more modern supplies.  So my friends knew but out of necessity, not choice.  

I started back before the more modern supplies. I think that there were tampons but I didn't use those until a few years later. 

[Catwoman]

My mom brought me home a balloon. A big balloon that said, 'congrats!" on it. I about DIED. I think there was a rose too, but I'm not sure. The balloon, however, has left me traumatized. I know now that she meant well...but dear heavens.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

You've gotta wonder what her conversation with the guy in the balloon shop sounded like... :eek:

[Garga]

I never EVER talk about it. It was not a big event for me when I was young. To me, it's just like any other bodily function. I'm the sort of person who gets almost irrationally annoyed when someone tries to talk to me while I'm in my stall in a public bathroom. That is not the time or place for someone to be talking to me. It's a private time.

 

As a kid, my mom told me where the supplies were in the closet and she made sure they were stocked so I didn't have ask her for them until I was old enough to drive and get my own.

[HRAAB]

My mom brought me home a balloon. A big balloon that said, 'congrats!" on it. I about DIED. I think there was a rose too, but I'm not sure. The balloon, however, has left me traumatized. I know now that she meant well...but dear heavens. 

 

 

I have a friend who had a party for her dds.  She made moon shaped cookies to fit in with the theme of cycles.  Then she and her dh would take the dd out for a special dinner.  I remember asking my older dds if they wanted a party or special dinner.  The look they gave me was priceless.  They were not impressed.  At all.

[kewb]

My daughter got it the day before a swim meet. "Welcome to womanhood, lets get some ice cream, and here is how you use a tampon.  Not exactly the way I pictured it.  I do know some women who make it a family affair-grandma, aunts, and mom going out and having a ceremony of sorts.  Not my cup of tea.

 

I also thought it was strange when my MIL asked me if dd had gotten it yet (Before she had).  My gut response was "none of your business".   Dh's family talk about these things.  I can still remember sil announcing my niece entering womanhood.

 

My husband was under strict instructions to never ever mention it to dd.  I can still remember coming downstairs and my father saying to me "My Baby. you are now a woman." I just about died.  I turned tail screaming up the stairs in mortification "Mom! you told dad!"

[Garga]

My daughter got it the day before a swim meet. "Welcome to womanhood, lets get some ice cream, and here is how you use a tampon. Not exactly the way I pictured it. I do know some women who make it a family affair-grandma, aunts, and mom going out and having a ceremony of sorts. Not my cup of tea.

 

I also thought it was strange when my MIL asked me if dd had gotten it yet (Before she had). My gut response was "none of your business". Dh's family talk about these things. I can still remember sil announcing my niece entering womanhood.

 

My husband was under strict instructions to never ever mention it to dd. I can still remember coming downstairs and my father saying to me "My Baby. you are now a woman." I just about died. I turned tail screaming up the stairs in mortification "Mom! you told dad!"

This happened to me, too, only it was a false alarm. I won't go into details, but I thought I had started and told my mom, who told my dad, who said, "You're a woman now," and then it wasn't even the real deal. Oh, it was awful. I still cringe and I'm 41 now.

[PrairieSong]

Just glad you prepared her! One of my mom's very good friends said her mother told her nothing. The Big Day arrived at school, in sixth grade. She was sent home...but she was terrified and thought she was dying!

[kewb]

This happened to me, too, only it was a false alarm. I won't go into details, but I thought I had started and told my mom, who told my dad, who said, "You're a woman now," and then it wasn't even the real deal. Oh, it was awful. I still cringe and I'm 41 now.

 

I am older then that.  The cringe never goes away but I am able to laugh about it, a little bit, now.

[PrairieSong]

I'm surprised by the people who announce it to the family, have a celebration, etc. That would never occur to me. It's a normal, natural thing but it's personal. My mom probably told my dad but my dad didn't say a word to me. I told my husband in private but he didn't mention it to our girls.

[OhanaBee]

The only reason I told my mom was because when I finally started, it was quite the production.  I was the last of my friends to get it [at 15] and, apparently, my body had been saving up.

 

My girls all did tell me, but more of a 'hey, thought you'd want to know' kinda thing.  With each one of them I asked if they wanted me to tell their dad and each one gave me a horrified "NO!"

 

My youngest had the worst time.  She started when we were visiting my parents and as she was recovering from Swine Flu.  And instead of congratulating her or having ANY sympathy whatsoever, my middle child said, "At least I got mine before you got yours!" {their start times were 6 months apart}.

 

We're pretty matter-of-fact about it now.  The girls don't mind telling their Dad they are cranky or in pain due to TTOTM and he attempts to take it in stride. 

 

Though he still refers to pads and tampons as "Women Stuff".

[Catwoman]

I have a friend who had a party for her dds.  She made moon shaped cookies to fit in with the theme of cycles.  Then she and her dh would take the dd out for a special dinner.  I remember asking my older dds if they wanted a party or special dinner.  The look they gave me was priceless.  They were not impressed.  At all.

SHE INVOLVED HER DH????? :eek: :svengo: :eek: :svengo:

 

And the idea that her dh deemed it "party and special dinner-worthy" completely squicks me out. :ack2:

[HRAAB]

SHE INVOLVED HER DH????? :eek: :svengo: :eek: :svengo:

 

And the idea that her dh deemed it "party and special dinner-worthy" completely squicks me out. :ack2:

 

That about sums up how my girls felt about it, too.

[TrixieB]

 

My mom gave me supplies that still had to be fastened with a garter belt - must have been leftover for years and years. . .!  I ended up starting at boarding school and the older girls in the dorm filled me in on how to use more modern supplies.  So my friends knew but out of necessity, not choice.  

 

I thought I was the only one whose mom did this.  Next she gave me some pads that had to be pinned to my underwear.  After that came pads that fit into underwear that had little elastic bands that held the pads in place.  Where did she unearth all this stuff???

 

Finally all that stuff got used up and I got 20th century adhesive pads. :party:

 

[blondeviolin]

I didn't tell my mom at first either. We were on a trip, though, and had to ask my mom to get more supplies because I had mostly used up the just-in-case supplies. I was 15 too.

 

Later my dad jokingly said, "So...you're on the rag, huh?" That is so Daddy and I knew it was just poking fun. He brought back ice cream the next night. (When we went bra shopping first he joked that I need an "over the shoulder boulder holder.")

[jewellsmommy]

I had to tell my mother because she had all the stuff. I was super agitated over the whole thing. She was all giggly about it and trying to lighten me up. I was having none of it. :lol: I forbid her to tell my dad. Unfortunately, I had severe pain from day one and there was no hiding it. Later in the week, my dad sat down and was rubbing my back and said, "its tough being a girl." If arrows had been capable of shooting from my eyes, my mom would have been a goner. I was furious! Between the pain and embarrassment, I thought my life was over. I have always been more reserved than my mom, and I got embarrassed very easily.

[Eagle]

I thought I was the only one whose mom did this. Next she gave me some pads that had to be pinned to my underwear. After that came pads that fit into underwear that had little elastic bands that held the pads in place. Where did she unearth all this stuff???

 

Finally all that stuff got used up and I got 20th century adhesive pads. :party:

 

I just had flashbacks. Garter belt clipped pads, pinned ones, the special underwear that holds pads... I had completely blocked all that out! My Mum had saved up a cupboard of antiquated supplies too! I was so relieved to find really thin pads existed after the first several months of using pads that were an inch thick (not exaggerating).

 

*shudder*

[Moxie]

I just had flashbacks. Garter belt clipped pads, pinned ones, the special underwear that holds pads... I had completely blocked all that out! My Mum had saved up a cupboard of antiquated supplies too! I was so relieved to find really thin pads existed after the first several months of using pads that were an inch thick (not exaggerating).

 

*shudder*

OT, but they are so thin now, it makes me wonder what else they can come up with. What will women use in 50 years??

[SeaConquest]

I didn't tell my mom either, she figured it out when the supplies kept disappearing. I think it's just a very private and personal event for a young girl.

 

I was the same way and for the same reasons. Never told my mom and just raided her stash. I'm 39 with two kids, so I think she's figured it out at this point. As others have said, try not to take it personally. 

[Elisabet1]

My daughter ran down the stairs, undies in hand, all smiles and said "I got my first period!!!" She was very excited. I wanted to vomit honestly. But I was very nice about it. Later, feeling very old, because my daughter had her period, I decided to have another baby. Maybe to "prove" I was not old, LOL

 

Later, also, my son came to me. He was maybe 5 yrs old at the time. He heard my daughter and her close in age cousin talking about their first periods. So, he was convinced he had also gotten his first period. So, yeah, I had to explain that one too.

[LucyStoner]

My mother took me out. It wasn't a big deal and it's not like she took out an ad in the paper or hosted a party but she took me for a special lunch and day out. It was nice, not mortifying but I was on the young side and hadn't yet developed the teen angst.

[Chris in VA]

This thread is so instructive. (These are my opinions...)

 

I don't see periods as embarassing or cringe-worthy. I shared re dd with my dh. She didn't mind. He deserves to know his daughter--just like when she walked or said her first word, or when eventually she gets her first kiss. I don't equate periods with bowel movements or the like. It's...well, special. I just don't see it as ONLY a messy monthly inconvenience.

 

I do think it's worthy of a little celebration, whether it be dinner or just a Hey wow, you are growing up, and that's neat!

I wanted to change my FOO culture with my kids--I WAS embarassed that my dad knew, but he was tender and sweet and I appreciated that. I wanted to raise my dd so she wouldn't be embarassed.

 

I got my niece a box of special girlie things (extra nice conditioner, skin care stuff, mostly) when she got her period. I'm her godmom, and I wanted to welcome her to Womanhood. She wasn't embarassed because she had been taught that bodies are amazing, and maturing is wonderful. I didn't get the chance to do the same present with my dd, but we've had the discussions and although we are matter of fact about periods, we also embrace the idea of being wonderfully made.

 

That being said, I totally understand the privacy part--my niece, for example, said it was fine for me to know--and I realize not everyone agrees, and THAT'S OK! (Of course it is.) Had dd been embarassed, it would've been different--but we were intentional to prevent that or at least make it less likely (because it is a personal attribute and choice as far as how to react to things).

 

I really like being a woman--I am not particularly fond of Aunt Flo, but her first visit marks a passage, and I don't think we do that enough anymore--everything is right now, right away.

 

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

[alisoncooks]

I am loving this thread and some of these comments are CRACKING me up!

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

I remember my dad making one of those "my little girl is growing up" comments and being mortified.  My mom was also in the here's-a-box-of-pads-and-a-book camp.  OMGosh, another humiliating memory:  back before I realized that one LOCKED bathroom doors, my mom walked in on me while I was trying to FIGURE OUT HOW TO "WORK" a tampon.  Oh.Kill.Me.  And then she stood there and finished telling me whatever she had to tell me as if I weren't mid-application.

 

I think I'd blocked that memory and it just came back.  :scared:  :banghead:

 

But yeah, I'm reading this thread, taking notes.  I have 2 girls, one who is almost 8 (I started at 9, so I'm starting to get anxious about how to approach it all).

[Elisabet1]

On all honesty, the reason my daughter was so happy and thrilled is I spent so much time talking to her about what it is and when it happens. And I had told her I would take her out for a girls time out when it happens, which is like a girls night out, only, it is not nighttime. She was thrilled. She had been prepared for it. I failed to ever prepare myself though, that it would happen. And then it happened right around her 11th birthday. Mine did not come until my 13th birthday, so that was a shocker for me. I knew it was coming though, we I had read it happens at about a certain BMI and I knew that BMI was circling in. I do not know if the weight thing is accurate, but it worked for her.

 

For me, my mom did not like me. The person who was caring for me when I got my first period made me call my mom and tell her. I did not want to call someone who hated me so much. I felt so sick too. I used to always get so sick with my periods.