What age to stop birthday parties?

[Indian summer]

I realize there is no right answer, I'm just wondering what the social norm is where you are, if there is one.

[regentrude]

When the birthday person no longer wants to have a party.

 

My kids get to have birthday parties as long as they want to. DS had one for his 14th, but decided not to have a party for his 15th. DD has not wanted a party for a few years.

I will be turning 46 this year and will have a birthday party. It is a great opportunity to get together with a large crowd of friends. My parents are in their 70s and celebrate their birthdays. My grandmothers celebrated well into their nineties.

[Pegasus]

I don't know about social norms but birthday parties naturally faded away for us by the pre-teen years.

[OneStepAtATime]

Here at our house (I agree with regentrude)  it is when the birthday person no longer wants a party.  For DD13, she still likes having people gather casually or go do some activity together with close friends, but she really hasn't wanted a huge bash with lots of friends since she was about 11.  And she started requesting that no one sing Happy Birthday when she was 4 and has remained resolute on that request every since.  Since it is her party we honor her wishes (but I usually have to do some rapid explaining to new comers when the cake comes out so they won't spontaneously break into song :) ).

 

DS10, on the other hand, loves a big bash.  The more the merrier.  Bring it on.   As soon as one is over he is making tentative plans for the next one.  Birthdays are awesome and he would celebrate more than once a year if he could.  He loves celebrating other people's birthdays, too.  But he is definitely the more outgoing social one of the two.

 

DH and his siblings still throw birthday bashes but they are almost all born in July so we just have one huge bash at our house for all the July adult birthdays.  Kids born in that month usually get a separate party that focuses on them, but as teenagers most of them have started just wanting to have the big family bash be their celebration, plus maybe a trip to the movies or paintballing with a couple of friends at another time.

 

DH's grandmother has a celebration every year and she is turning 95 in May.

 

I sometimes have a party if it is convenient and/or it seems like the family may need to have a break from the trials of life so a party might be in order.  But it isn't high on my priority list.  Quiet dinner with family or a trip to the movies is usually fine with me.  Oddly, though, I am the extrovert, not DH.

 

If my brother is in town, we throw him a party.  If he isn't in town he takes himself out to a restaurant and calls it good.

 

I wonder if a lot of people may stop doing birthday parties in the pre-teen/teen years as they want to show they are maturing or just lose interest because there are other things that hold their interest more but maybe start doing birthdays again when they are older?  I know several people for which this is the case, but I don't know if it is the norm.

 

What about you, Indian Summer?  Do you still celebrate your birthday?  Just tell me to buzz off if you don't want to answer. :)

 

Best wishes.

[J-rap]

By the time my kids were teens, they usually just wanted to do something with a few special friends, and that went on through about age 16.  I would continue to help organize it though.  After that, we only did family parties, but usually they and their friends would plan a little outing on their own -- going out for pizza or something.

[bettyandbob]

Parties with kids. We stopped about 8. The first year ds didn't do a party I took ds to a chess tournament for his birthday. dd did have a "party" this year for her 16th birthday. It wasn't really a party though. She had 4 friends sleepover and watched movies. I made a cake of her choosing. She didn't do candles.

[MEmama]

My son stopped at 7. That's probably not the norm, though. :)

[DragonFaerie]

We haven't done "parties" really in years. I got frustrated with how many people didn't RSVP, didn't/couldn't come, showed up without RSVPing, etc.  So now instead, the birthday kid gets to invite 3 or 4 friends to do an activity of his/her choosing.  DD usually wants to have her friends come over for a "spa day" or something and then sleep over.  This year, DS chose to play mini-golf with his friends.  Last year, he picked Medieval Times.  Given the cost of that place, he only got to bring one friend. Mini-golf was cheaper, so he invited four.

 

 

ETA: Regardless of what activity the child chooses, we do have the grandparents over for cake and ice cream and presents, too.

[Dory]

i always ask the kids what they want this year and then we reach an agreement somewhere between what I'm willing to do and what they want. Usually they have a couple friends and a bunch of family over for cake and ice cream with present opening. I decorate their chair and bedroom doorway after they go to bed the night before their birthday. They get to pick their breakfast and supper.

 

There are plenty of little ways we make their day special, so parties are not really a big thing. My youngest just wanted a friend over for a sleepover. I told him we should probably have family over for cake and ice cream too. It's a good excuse for everyone to get together with a defined beginning and end so they don't just hang around all day. We'll probably do it until the kids ask me to stop. Even the adults in this house get to choose though.

[Garga]

When the birthday person wishes them to stop!  Maybe around 92?  Maybe...

[Lara in Colo]

We have a family birthday party once a year-- my gift is the party and the children invite friends and I have lots of food and it is usually someplace where children can let loose and not bother the adults (a park ) the adults sit and talk and drink Mikes. My children exchange gifts among themselves and have a great time buying things for each other almost all year long. 

 

the goal is for the children to get together once a year for the rest of their lives.

 

They also have a small family affair on their actual b-day where I bake a cake and they get a gift from mom and dad.

[stripe]

I don't know. My mom threw my dad a surprise 50th party, and is currently arranging one for her mother. But none included clowns or goofy stuff, just family and friends type get together. Lots of people around the world don't do anything special. I think you should do what you want to do, and for one's kids, not do something much younger than their age, like very young for a 12 year old.

[AimeeM]

Never? I had birthday parties, courtesy my parents, until well into my 20's, and they only stopped because I married, moved out, and out of state. I don't really anticipate stopping them for my children either.

Birthdays should always be celebrated - parties, or however the celebrated person wants, imo.

[Slartibartfast]

I have  an uncle who did not want to celebrate his birthdays. We would have parties without him while he hid in his room. My grandmother would have cake and everything. :lol:

 

He wasn't a kid either, this went on into his 30s. Sometimes another uncle would be cross about something and he also would not come out of his room during his birthdays, again we would have parties without him. (They both lived with their parents. Yes, they did have college degrees.) 

 

My family is the nemesis of passive aggressive people.

 

As long as we are within driving distance of each other there WILL BE A PARTY WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

 

:lol:

[Mergath]

We're pretty much already done, lol.  We take dd to do something fun on her birthday, give her a present, and usually her godmother will come, but that's about it.  We had an official birthday party for dd once, with cake, kids, etc.  It was a nightmare.  One kid was determined to break every birthday present she received.  I had a headache for three days afterward from the screaming.  Never again will I do an afternoon of sugar-fueled free babysitting.

 

If that makes me a monster, so be it. ;)

 

When I grew up, birthday parties never really ended, they just changed.  Once you were a teen, you'd have a few friends over and do something really fun, like get a hotel room with a pool and eat pizza.  But people had them until they left for college.  

[Pawz4me]

We've never done birthday parties beyond close family.

[G5052]

Around here, probably never if my teens have their way.  Of late, we give them a budget and let them decided what to do.

 

One wanted to go to brunch with friends, and one wanted to have their best friend's entire family over for fancy takeout pizza.

 

Their friends do similar things.  They overnight, have formal tea parties, go bowling, etc. etc. etc.  Usually just 2-3 friends.

 

When they were younger, we had them pick another family to have over (no relatives near by).

[Ravin]

Mine wants a quinceñera. Most likely she won't have a party between now and then. She chose family dinner out for her 10th.

[LucyStoner]

Bebop the party don't stop.

parties change as you get older here but we have a party or outing for every birthday. Even non-milestone adult parties. Once when my husband turned 30 and the husband in a family we are close to turned 40, we threw them a 70th b-day party, lol.

[shanvan]

Dd had 2.  The first she told everyone all about and I felt I had to do it b/c she had lead all these people to believe she was having a party.  She was 5!  Then I had one for her at 10.  Ds had one at 10 and could care less about ever having one again.  Dh and I aren't into parties for ourselves.  I really dislike them and I wish my own mom would stop pushing them every year.  I never give in.  My idea of a party is a night on the couch with nothing to do and nowhere to go--and no people to please.

 

​I don't mind having lunch and a movie (if there's something playing that isn't torture to watch).

[swellmomma]

The question should be when to start them lol  We stopped birthday parties after dd14 turned 6, I got tired of busting my butt and breaking my budget for kids who did not rsvp, didn't show up or when they did they just complained the whole time and left dd crying at her own party.  ds15 never had friends to invite past age 5 generally.  We have always and still do family parties and they may do a special activity with a friend for their birthday but not a party.  This coming set of birthdays may be the first time dd6 ever has a friends birthday, and the teens may be also having one, ds10 has no friends so that is a nonissue.  Families "parties" will not stop until they are adults and celebrating with their own families, these small friend parties/outtings will stop when they want, I will stop footing the bill with their 18th.  

The party my teens are planning this year is paint balling at the end of summer with their best cadet friends.  Nothing like a bunch of teens trained to shoot trying to target each other.  Toss in a pizza and viola, perfect teen birthday party.  dd6 is thinking about going bowling for her first ever friends birthday party.  

[Kathryn]

Age four was ODS's last birthday party. Since then, it's been invite one friend and choose what you want to do for your birthday. He also picks dinner and cake. It's worked much better. However, he just won a free birthday party at the bounce house place so it looks like we may have to do one this year.

[myfunnybunch]

It seems that here most kids stop the yearly traditional birthday party around age 11-12. They seem to transition to a smaller gathering, often a sleepover, with a few close friends. But kids of all ages will have a big party at any age, just not every year.

 

We don't do yearly birthday parties, but we usually invite a couple neighborhood friends over to celebrate with cake at our a family "party." Even dd21 still comes for her family birthday party. Ds9 wants a "real" birthday party for his 10th birthday, so we're going to go with all the bells and whistles. We're going to do pin-the-tail on the donkey and musical chairs and all the other traditional birthday games.

 

My boys want to have an UNbirthday party this summer, since they don't have birthday parties every year. They want to go to the park and invite all of their friends and play traditional picnic games like a sack race and a cracker eating contest. And eat cake, of course. No presents. I think it's a great idea!

 

Cat

[Georgiana Daniels]

Soon, I hope!

I suck at planning and really don't like being responsible for other people's kids.

[T'smom]

I love throwing birthday parties for my kids! ( they are still very young) They pick a theme and I come up with fun games and activities to go along with it. So far, we have only done family parties (but they have 7 cousins). But the cousins are starting to have their "real" parties with their classes from school and just cake and presents with us. We have lots of friends that we could theoretically invite to a birthday party, But NONE of them know each other. I'm not exactly an extroverted person who is good at putting people at ease, so..... I don't know what we are going to do going forward.

[Sarah CB]

I feel like the parties are just starting around here.  We just had my newly 12 year old's birthday party last night.  6 boys and 4 girls were here from 4 - 10pm.  We have my soon to be 14 year old's party in two weeks and a lot of the same kids will be here.  My boys are in a very social group and the kids really like to get together.  Last Tuesday one of them organized a movie night and they all met at a local restaurant for appies first.  There were 22 kids.  A birthday party is a good excuse to have everyone in one spot for an extended period of time.  I can't see my kids (or any of their friends) wanting to give that up anytime soon.

[mom2bee]

In my opinion birthday parties really only seem appropriate for 4-9 year olds. Then if you have a party it would only be for the milestone birthdays what ever you consider those to be.

 

I never really wanted parties and I always felt weird going to other peoples. I think I had my first and last party when I was 11, but it was just...'meh'.

 

I don't know. If you want a party you can have one, but making it about a birthday just strikes me as...weird? I have always found it to be kind of...pretentious or vain to assume people want to celebrate *you* because *you* were born.

 

 

[Joker]

My girls have a party on their birthday every year and they are 11 and 14. Their friends do as well. They each invite a group of girls over, have cake and ice cream, and they are usually always sleepovers. It's always been fun.

[Luanne]

My daughter had parties with friends (and sometimes cousins) until she was about 12.  Then she just had a friend or two over to spend the night.  This stopped when she turned 18. We always get together and eat out for the people in my family who live here (my father, mother, sister, daughter, and myself) every year no matter how old we get.  My mother and daughter will probably throw me an actual party for friends and family in October, but only because I am turning 50.

[Rebel Yell]

Each girl gets a family birthday dinner and gift for every birthday.

 

Parties are limited to 1 girl per year, so each girl is on a 3-year rotation.  There is a budget cap- they may do anything reasonable for any number of guests within that dollar amount.

 

However, they DO age out of the birthday rotation:  no matter what year it is (their party year or not) they get a 13th birthday party, a Sweet 16, and a high school graduation party. The end. So Diamond is done with family-sponssored birthday parties- but she will still of course get dinner with the family (as long as we live a reasonable distance away- she;s still at home now) and a gift every year.  Sweet Child has Sweet 16 and grad party to go, andBabyBaby still has her 13th, 16th, & grad parties to look forward to. Fortunatly, none of these fall in the same year.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I have never had a birthday party in 51 years. I am fine. My kids invite a friend to do some fun activity. When they were young it was just grandpa, aunt&uncle and us. No one has complained. Every person should have what they want.

[Alice]

It seems like around here the "social norm" is for kids to have parties roughly between ages 4-9. Middle schoolish aged kids seem to do more going out with a few friends and then it seems like some kids start having parties again in high school, or at least making a bigger deal of birthdays. 

 

We have had parties for all our kids from about age 3 on. They are really small though and we keep it pretty simple. When my oldest was about 8 he wanted to do Laser Tag instead of a party so we let him invite three friends and they all went out to lunch and Laser Tag. The past two years he's had a few friends over for pizza, a movie and to spend the night. 

 

[Bensmom]

After death. Still alive? Keep partying!