"But what about socialization?" -- a Forum Game

[JustEm]

Here's another doozy. One woman said it is actually a GOOD thing for kids to have a bad teacher here or there, because they will learn life lessons. I agree we all need to learn life lessons, but what parent wants a child to have a bad teacher???

 

 

I had a terrible teacher in 7th grade.  He would constantly tell me my parents must be sad that I don't do as well as my brother (a year older.)  I was an A, B+ student, my brother was an A student.  He would assign these ridiculous assignments that made no sense and would grade me worse than everyone else because of his dislike for me.

 

My dad was a college professor and until that year firmly believed that any of his childrens' (I was the youngest of 7) gripes with their teachers being unfair were his kids just being lazy and whining because they thought they knew better than the teacher. After a parent teacher conference with that teacher my dad gave me permission to not listen to a word that teacher said.  And if I failed the class because of it I would not be in trouble. But he did encourage me to figure out a way to get a good grade without taking shit from the teacher.

 

That was the year I learned how to negotiate. I went over the teachers head to the principal and told them the issue, said I didn't want the teacher to know I came to them but would accept any assignment or test form the principal to prove I deserved an A. I said I'd accept the teacher's grade if I got anything lower than 100% on whatever the principal gave me. The principal took me up on the request and I got 100% on the assignments given and an A in the class.  I shoved that A in the teachers face when I received my report card since I knew he didn't know about my agreement.  

 

I used what I learn to get out of a lot of pointless homework in high school by making similar agreements with my teachers.  Even in college I convinced a professor who graded on attendance to let me not show up to class if I was able to keep the highest grade in the class.

 

I am so thankful I had a bad teacher in 7th grade and actually see that as a legitimate argument.  But if I didn't have the support of my dad it would have been a whole different story. Knowing I had others who would back me up pushed me to prove this teacher wrong and I learned a lot from it.

[Guest]

Yes, I go out for lunch with the leprechauns and tooth fairy all the time.  We ride a unicorn to get there.  Because, you know. . . if you don't believe in homeschool then I must not exist.  

 

Thanks for that bell-laugh! I needed something this funny today! 

 

That's pretty advanced line standing. Maybe give him the "grocery store on Christmas Eve" pre-test. If you push him too fast he might not learn to appreciate standing around doing nothing.

This was runner-up! 

 

 

That was the year I learned how to negotiate. I went over the teachers head to the principal and told them the issue, said I didn't want the teacher to know I came to them but would accept any assignment or test form the principal to prove I deserved an A. I said I'd accept the teacher's grade if I got anything lower than 100% on whatever the principal gave me. The principal took me up on the request and I got 100% on the assignments given and an A in the class.  I shoved that A in the teachers face when I received my report card since I knew he didn't know about my agreement.

 

Good for you! That is a valuable skill!

 

One of my favorite replies I came up with on-the-spot - it's not even true, but it was so much fun to say - Q: "How do you stand being home with them all the time?" A: "I drink a lot on Fridays."  :laugh:

 

"How do you know what they're supposed to learn when?" asked by a school teacher. 

 

I've also gotten, "Why would you want to do that when you live in one of the best school districts in the country?" 

[Miss Tick]

Here's another doozy. One woman said it is actually a GOOD thing for kids to have a bad teacher here or there, because they will learn life lessons. I agree we all need to learn life lessons, but what parent wants a child to have a bad teacher???

Do they realize the teacher will be the same for the WHOLE YEAR? Does it take that long to learn that lesson? I've learned that in one Dr. visit, or one discussion with customer service.

 

"I would be concerned that they won't be around children their age..." said be supportive friend after relating a negative peer-pressure scenario.

[Aelwydd]

 

"How do you teach all those subjects?"

Sir, it is true that a teacher does in fact teach many more subjects. But, that is only because she gets to lord it over 25 or more students in her kingdom, whereas my dominion involves only ruling over a single subject, my son.

 

However, I maintain that I am a mostly benevolent despot.

 

 

"You will rob your son of the chance to experience many important milestones, like riding the school bus."

[mom2scouts]

My son got to ride the school bus when he was in public school and he hated it.  That's where the bullies could get away with anything and nobody would notice. My other child got the chance to ride a school bus when we went to a music festival and a local private school donated their buses for shuttle service.  She was very disappointed that it wasn't very exciting at all.

 

One of the questions I get frequently because people don't understand the difference between legal homeschooling in my state and online public school: "So your kids do all their classes on the computer, right?  And the school provides the computer and everything else you need?"

[PeachyDoodle]

"You will rob your son of the chance to experience many important milestones, like riding the school bus."

 

I was TERRIFIED riding the bus. Especially in middle school, when we had to share the bus with the high-schoolers. :willy_nilly:

 

I swore my children would never have to ride one.

[AK_Mom4]

DD12's school bus experiences included some rather bad vocabulary and breaking her collar bone as a 1st grader when she stood up before the bus had completely stopped.  What a great learning event!

 

From a student in DD12's early morning band class at the public school - "So, basically you go home and play games all day?"

 

 

 

I told her she should have said "Yes!"

[kiwik]

Surely a large percentage of kids don't go on the school bus?

 

This thread is fun. I don't home school as circumstance don't allow it but I still get into a lot of arguments about the socialisation thing. My answer is that a lot of kids just form a lasting dislike for groups of children.

[MrsJewelsRae]

I wish I were kidding about this question, which was asked in front of my children btw, by my dh's aunt (whose youngest is the same age as my oldest)

 

"What if you die?!" (Because apparently being both mother and teacher would be too much for a child to lose?)

 

I really wanted to get as snarky as her (that was only one question at the end of a long and insulting anti homeschool rant in front of my kids) and say "yes, well you're right, if I die my kids would never recover, but if you died your kids would be fine cause you're just their mom, at least they'd still have their school teacher". (!?!?) Did she even think how stupid the question sounded when it was turned around?!

[Hikin' Mama]

When my daughter was about 10 and told a girl at Sunday School that she was homeschooled, the girl responded ( to my stick thin dd), "All the homeschoolers that I know are fat, because they sit around on the couch all day." I guess sitting around in a desk all day burns a lot more calories. :)

[clarkacademy]

Your so talkative and smart for a kid who has been homeschooled, said to my daughter by a teacher when she went back to school. My daughter answered well, my mom does let me out of my cage every now and then except when she loses the key! :)

[MrsJewelsRae]

When my daughter was about 10 and told a girl at Sunday School that she was homeschooled, the girl responded ( to my stick thin dd), "All the homeschoolers that I know are fat, because they sit around on the couch all day." I guess sitting around in a desk all day burns a lot more calories. :)

Ick. What a terrible thing to say! In my opinion you can usually tell when a child (especially if they are younger) is mimicking an opinion they've first heard at home. My son has encountered anti homeschool sentiments from a friend of his that obviously came from his parents.

 

FWIW, my kids have more leisure time because they are homeschooled, they spend hours each day playing and running around and are very fit and active.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

"What if you die?!" (Because apparently being both mother and teacher would be too much for a child to lose?)

 

 

Ooooo!  I haven't heard this one, but what an absolute nugget!  My reply:

 

"Funny you should mention that, since I actually do have terminal cancer."   And just leave it at that to let the other person twist in the wind.  I'm not above using my disease as a weapon if the target is utter stupidity.

 

Next one, which I detest:

 

"But what about sports?"

[Tap]

Well, since my work was teaching children, all I'm really giving up is the commute and having to call parents once in a while. :)

 

"How do you teach all those subjects?"

 

 

With curricula and  teachers' guides/answer keys.  Just like the teachers in a classroom do!

 

When this subject comes up, I usually reference that coach in high school who also taught English, Math or History....and based on my own experience, often taught poorly. Not all teachers teach all subjects well, so sending a kid to public/private school will not guarantee them a qualified teacher in every subject.  Or that great Science teacher who also taught English but with a lot less enthusiasm. 

 

 

 

My favorite, is "I knew a home shooled kid once and he was really weird. He came to my high school and was really awkward".  

This cracks me up, and I usually answer with....."wow, there weren't any awkward kids in your school who were public schooled?  That is pretty impressive, because I knew A LOT of awkward teens when I was in high school...who were never home schooled a day in their life."

[Barbara H]

When my daughter was about 10 and told a girl at Sunday School that she was homeschooled, the girl responded ( to my stick thin dd), "All the homeschoolers that I know are fat, because they sit around on the couch all day." I guess sitting around in a desk all day burns a lot more calories. :)

 

Awful comment - hate to hear young kids focused on judging weight..

 

Though let's note research finds homeschoolers children are leaner than their traditionally schooled peers.

 

 

[Garga]

Surely a large percentage of kids don't go on the school bus?

 

This thread is fun. I don't home school as circumstance don't allow it but I still get into a lot of arguments about the socialisation thing. My answer is that a lot of kids just form a lasting dislike for groups of children.

 

 

Ooo! Ooo!  (raises hand) That was me!  I was such an outcast at school that I grew up haaaaaaating children.  DH and I vehemently didn't want children.  The biggest reason I didn't want kids was that I didn't want those cruel, petty, meeean people (aka "children")  in my own home.  I hated children until I had my own at 30.  Now I think they're great, and am shocked daily by how much I loooove my children, but it took having my own to break that extreme dislike for children in general.  I never looked at them and saw sweet innocent things.  I just saw manipulative little monsters who would make fun of people as soon as the adults turned their backs. 

 

Great socialization, huh?  

 

I honestly would sit around and cry about the pain of the bullying and ostracism until I was 34 years old and went to counseling for it.

 

I detest that "socialization" question.  For me, it truly is one of the main reasons that I homeschool.  

 

I can't think of a question that people ask.  My MIL thought that the school system gave us books, and I can see why she thought that.  But no one has ever asked me anything else about it.

[Alenee]

I don't hear any of this anymore (in our area, homeschooling isn't odd) but here's a gem from several years ago.

 

I was at a soccer camp, watching dd play while I looked through my Rainbow catalog.  The mother next to me asked what I was doing.  After explaining, she said, "Ohhh, we have a homeschooler on our block and I see her walking with her kids every day in the MIDDLE of the school day!"  She was obviously thinking they don't ever do any school work.  I replied, "Well, kids do need P.E. and recess, not to mention homeschooling does offer one-on-one teaching which may mean kids finish their work early."  "Wellll," she said, "She's teaching one-on-three!"  I did all I could to stifle my giggles. 

[Violet Crown]

"Of course there are some high school subjects that you obviously just CAN'T do: like chemistry. You can't have a chemistry lab in your house!"

 

Against which I explained the setup of our home chemistry lab - metal bench desk, well-stocked locking chemical cabinet, glassware, balance, burner and ringstand, etc. - and how Grandpa who had a ph.d. and used to work at Los Alamos had been working through experiments with Great Girl. Tell me what we can't do!

[Grover]

I got a lecture yesterday about how it was not righ that my children were not at school because they can't develop socially in an "inherently uneven power structure" such as the one at home, because with other kids they're all equal so can argue things out fairly, but at home I have more power therefore tehy never get that opportunity. 

 

It wasn't worth replying to the person as it was one in a series of increasingly unreasonable and frantic attempts to "prove" to me and the other person present that homeschooling was the wrong choice, but it did leave me musing about 1) how much they know about children and "pecking order" and 2) just how they run their home. 

 

My personal favourite comment is: But homeschoolers are weird!  My reply is usually along the lines of, "that's genetics, not homeschooling."

[Carrie12345]

Sir, it is true that a teacher does in fact teach many more subjects. But, that is only because she gets to lord it over 25 or more students in her kingdom, whereas my dominion involves only ruling over a single subject, my son.

 

However, I maintain that I am a mostly benevolent despot.

 

 

"You will rob your son of the chance to experience many important milestones, like riding the school bus."

 

I never took a bus to school. Ever!

Clearly my parents should have moved farther away from the schools. :-)

[housemouse]

 "How can you stand being with your kids all the time everyday? I could never do that. It would drive me crazy." This came from a cashier as we were  checking out. Turns out she was a mother of two in public school and studying to be a school teacher.

 

I felt like saying that my three are nothing compared to the 30 you will have to deal with every day once you start teaching. Do parents actually see their kids as a bother and sending them to school only because they could not handle being together everyday?

 

Totally agree with the bus statement. I would never ever want my kids on school bus. In my time, it was a mess and drivers did not do a thing to get it under control.

[Ausmumof3]

About ds... But how will he learn to deal with girls? Um... Maybe from his sister.

 

To be fair though that was from a lady who had immigrated from Iran and she saw school as important for her kids because they needed to learn the culture.

 

I also got. " all the homeschooled kids I've seen are so well behaved" from a checkout lady. I spent the next five minutes desperately hoping my kids wouldn't do anything to change that impression.

[Mom-ninja.]

One of my favorite replies I came up with on-the-spot - it's not even true, but it was so much fun to say - Q: "How do you stand being home with them all the time?" A: "I drink a lot on Fridays."  :laugh:

 

Man, you wait until Fridays to drink?! :o

[elegantlion]

 

 

My personal favourite comment is: But homeschoolers are weird!  My reply is usually along the lines of, "that's genetics, not homeschooling."

 

Yup, poor ds, he was doomed before he was born. 

 

When he was younger, we'd go to the grocery at like 11am. He was in 1st or 2nd grade. People would ask if he was out of school, I'd just say we were done for the day and let them guess. 

 

Where we used to live we made a habit of going out to eat during the day at least once a month. Then we'd watch people's reactions. 

[elegantlion]

I am worried my neighbors say this about us. But NO, not enough to actually change our routine. Is it so hard to understand that the homeschool "school day" doesn't have to be during the exact same hours as public schools?

 

New question: "But how will they get into university?"

 

Right now my answer could be, "I'll just take him with me and he can sit in on my classes. I'm sure it will be all right." 

[kiwik]

Actually I understand the "how can you bear to be with your kids all day" I feel like that too. But I think a lot of our stresses are caused by me going to work and them going to school or day are. If they spent more time at home they would probably be calmer and more independent.

[QuirkyKapers]

This isn't a question, but the worst thing someone said to me that it was o.k. if I was homeschooling as long as I wasn't coping out because of some bad experience I had or any insecurties.  That would be unhealthy.   

 

I could honeslty look at that person and tell them that my experiences and insecurities were not the reason I was homeschooling.  In truth, I love being with my children. For me, I just was thinking, Why would I ship them off when they were just getting interesting?  Also, if someone asked about what would happen if I die?  I just think that they were lucky than to have been able to spend all the time with me as I was with them. 

 

 

[QuirkyKapers]

Oops double post!

[lea_lpz]

Awful comment - hate to hear young kids focused on judging weight..

 

Though let's note research finds homeschoolers children are leaner than their traditionally schooled peers.

It's funny because most if the homeschoolers I know are very much into nutrition, whole food diets, and being glueten free, lol.

[PrairieSong]

"Your son will be a marshmallow." Meaning, he won't be toughened up by competition and pushback from other kids. Oldest son (about whom the comment was made) ended up being an Eagle Scout, going into the military, and hiking and climbing mountains in his free time. He even hiked the Colorado Trail solo a few years ago. Pretty tough marshmallow.

[Guest]

"Your son will be a marshmallow." Meaning, he won't be toughened up by competition and pushback from other kids. Oldest son (about whom the comment was made) ended up being an Eagle Scout, going into the military, and hiking and climbing mountains in his free time. He even hiked the Colorado Trail solo a few years ago. Pretty tough marshmallow.

 

I never understood that rationale in the first place. It's not as though all kids (or even most?) who are treated harshly by peers (or teachers!) rise above it and become a strong, confident armadillo. I have pointed this out to a few people now and then. 

[beezus]

When my dd was attending public school they were cutting back on P.E. classes, as well as on recess time at her elementary school.  Not sure when those poor public school children were getting all their exercise.

 

An acquaintance of ours has commented to us (more than once) how dd is at a disadvantage because she won't be able to learn how to deal with bullies.  Apparently bullies don't exist in the real world -- only at school.  Perhaps school bullies should organize and try to get some compensation for providing this valuable public service to school kids. 

[fdrinca]

My dad generally is OK with our homeschool decision, but will often ask how my oldest son (and only my oldest son...talk about favoritism) "will be one of the boys." I think he means one of the "cool" kids. When he starts in on this line, I often rush off to change a diaper :)

 

The comment that has stuck with me the longest is "what if you mess them up?" It's a valid fear, I guess...

 

I get a lot of "don't they need friends their own age?" Because that's NOT a modern invention, right?

[Excelsior! Academy]

"How did you find out about these kind of tests?"   Said by a public schooled student sitting next to my dd waiting for the PSAT test to begin.

 

 

When I told my mother that dd was struggling with a chapter in a subject.  My mom suggested that I call the hotline.  You know the homeschooler help hotline. 

 

 

I have been asked several times if my dds are ever around boys.  I told them if they are ever asked that again they need to answer that their cousins (whom we are raising) and their dad are all boys and they are around them every day.

 

 

My older sister said, "Don't you want her to get a good education?"  When she found out we were considering homeschooling.  My oldest was 2 at the time.

[shanvan]

 

When I told my mother that dd was struggling with a chapter in a subject.  My mom suggested that I call the hotline.  You know the homeschooler help hotline. 

 

 

:lol: What is the number?  I need it today....

[LMD]

:lol: What is the number?  I need it today....

 

The Hive. :D

[mom2scouts]

The answer to your sister is, "Of course I want her to get a good education!  That's why I'll be homeschooling her."

 

On Christmas this year, I made a comment about a book being written by a homeschooled boy and my uncle, a former high school teacher, said, "NOBODY should ever be homeschooled!"  When I replied, "Don't you know that I'm homeschooling my two youngest?"  he suddenly changed his tune and said, "Well, it's OK because you are a college graduate!".  I guess I don't know "Nobody", but he or she shouldn't be homeschooled.

[Twinmom]

Said by a resource teacher to me today, "You know that in order for your kids to develop properly, they have to learn how to follow rules at school. Parent/child interactions are very different than those in the 'real world.'" She then proceeded to accuse my very nervous, developmentally delayed 10 year old son of being manipulative when he acted nervous and goofy. She made him cry, first meeting together.

 

So that's the real world he needs to adjust to? People who don't recognize his disability and berate him for not acting normally? I think that can wait a few years, thanks. (To her credit, she did recognize her mistake and apologized to him afterwards...)

 

Not sure I want those public school services after all...

[Piper]

"Parent/child interactions are very different than those in the 'real world.'" 

 

Response: Would that be because they are usually based on being reasonable and compassionate?

 

When I told one of my sisters that I would be homeschooling my kids, she exclaimed, "Oh, that's a fate worse than death!!"   :lol:   (She was referring to my fate, not the kids', by the way!)

[KSinNS]

Love this thread! 

 

My favourite comment was my Dad's.... "but you'll end up wearing a long denim dress all the time and not shaving your legs! That'll be bad for you career!" 

 

Oh dear.....time to leave the compound :-}

[Berta]

Love this thread! 

 

My favourite comment was my Dad's.... "but you'll end up wearing a long denim dress all the time and not shaving your legs! That'll be bad for you career!" 

 

Oh dear.....time to leave the compound :-}

 

I'd be sooo tempted to show up for Christmas dinner in a long denim dress, bun and hairy legs.

[mysticmomma]

Today I was,told I just must not be brave enough to send my kids to school. See, I don't have to worry about school shootings and if my kids come back alive or not.

[sewingmama]

Today I was,told I just must not be brave enough to send my kids to school. See, I don't have to worry about school shootings and if my kids come back alive or not.

Nope..but I am brave enough to go against the crowd and homeschool my kids when everyone else sends theirs to school :)

 

Yesterday I was at the library and collecting a bunch of books I had on hold for our science studies. The librarian commented I was borrowing some 'interesting' books ( said with raised eyebrows)for my young kids . I laughed and said "Yes thats what I get for asking them to choose our science for this year..they chose chemistry... why couldn't they have just chosen something easy for me to teach like insects or animals" (I was just kidding and being friendly).

 

The librarian gasped and said "Oh my, you must be really teaching them amazingly well if they even know what chemistry is to ask for it at their age". I just smiled but what I didn't tell her was that what my DD had actually asked for was "mum I want to do that science where you mix stuff together and see what happens or make it explode". LOL.

 

I seem to get comments like that a lot...that they are "amazed" or "can't believe" that I am teaching my kids well enough that they could actually be smarter or at least as smart as a public school kid. They always sound so genuinely surprised it always makes me wonder how dumb they think I am LOL.

[Chelle in MO]

Love this thread! 

 

My favourite comment was my Dad's.... "but you'll end up wearing a long denim dress all the time and not shaving your legs! That'll be bad for you career!" 

 

Oh dear.....time to leave the compound :-}

 

That has me wondering what your previous career was...stripper, Hooters girl, cheerleader, model...

 

;)

 

[mom2scouts]

Love this thread! 

 

My favourite comment was my Dad's.... "but you'll end up wearing a long denim dress all the time and not shaving your legs! That'll be bad for you career!" 

 

Oh dear.....time to leave the compound :-}

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: Please tell me he was joking!