Sil told kids that Harry Potter was bad...

[Soror]

Sigh, the kids came back from an overnight at my mom's house, which happens to be right next to my bil-sil, so they ended up spending a ton of time w/ sil as well. I was talking to ds about his book and my dd mentions that sil said HP is bad. I didn't say anything at that time but it is eating on me a bit. I really don't want to speak ill of relatives(or others) to the kids or in front of them w/out very good reason, as the first thing that popped into my head was the irony of that statement coming from my sil. However, I think it was highly inappropriate thing for her to say to the kids. If she has an issue it should be said to me. Usually I'm an upfront person but in my family this doesn't seem to work very well. As it is I generally feel like an outsider.

 

This is compounded by an issue a few weeks back at a family reunion. I was inside and dishing out icecream that my mom had bought for the kids. My niece comes to get a popsicle for herself, I stopped her as there weren't enough for all the kids (mom had bought enough icecream for all but the popsicles were just personal groceries and the kids are there often they get what they want when they want). I wasn't mean at all but matter of fact that it was bad manners to eat something when there is not enough for all the guests, especially when you are talking about other young kids. I informed my mom and bil as a heads up as it bothered her. Next thing I know mom is comforting niece and then sil is getting her a popsicle. I go along w/ how she disciplines the kids when we are at her house, even if I don't always exactly agree and try to give her a lot of leeway. I expect that when we are there my children will be disciplined by others as needed when I don't catch something (although physical punishment is not allowed or obviously anything abusive). It seems that the same courtesy is not extended to me however.

 

So, I'm feeling really undermined and disrespected. I'm wondering though what I will gain by saying something. I do want my kids to have a relationship w/ my family. I have just not been able to convey such things to my mother without her just getting angry at me. So, as it usually goes I just don't talk to her until I get over it. Not the best way to go about it and certainly not my preference. I just haven't figured out anything better yet.

[Mama Geek]

Coming from someone who really doesn't appreciate other family members disciplining dd because our parenting ideas are so different, I would probably leave it to someone else to correct the kids.

 

And I a absolutely agree that it is bad manners to get something when there is not enough for all to have. I would not let dd do that.

[bettyandbob]

I would just say "Aunt has reasons for believing that. There isn't anything wrong with her reasons. Her reasons are good for her family. Our beliefs about this book are different than hers and that's ok. There will always be people who disagree. That is something we just accept." Or something more elegant along those lines.

[Mandylubug]

I'd just let it roll off your shoulder and then tell your kids that there will always be someone that doesn't agree with something they are doing, watching, wearing, etc... the key is to do what you feel is right. Kids have to learn for themselves as well. If they have no guilty conscience of watching Harry Potter and disagree with SIL, then let them. My SIL thinks sponge bob is the devil... actually two out of three think sponge bob is evil.. Mind you, they have NEVER watched it... I just smile and move on.

[twoxcell]

I would just say "Aunt has reasons for believing that. There isn't anything wrong with her reasons. Her reasons are good for her family. Our beliefs about this book are different than hers and that's ok. There will always be people who disagree. That is something we just accept." Or something more elegant along those lines.

:iagree: It would really not be a big deal to me. If my kids tell me someone said something is bad or that they can't read/see/do it that everyone has different rules.

[QuirkyKapers]

I would just say "Aunt has reasons for believing that. There isn't anything wrong with her reasons. Her reasons are good for her family. Our beliefs about this book are different than hers and that's ok. There will always be people who disagree. That is something we just accept." Or something more elegant along those lines.

 

:iagree: It is a great time to talk about people think different things about different issues. Some people think HP is bad because ______. Others love it because ______. In our family, we think _________ because __________.

[Butter]

I'd probably say something like "Yeah, some people think so. What do you think?" and then we could take about how great Harry Potter is. Chances are my oldest would've had a vehement disagreement with her aunt when she said it and I'd probably be told by my sister that my daughter is a brat (again). sigh

[Melissa in Australia]

_{I wouldn't get stressed out about it at all. Harry Potter is one of those books that many people have strong feelings about.}

[gardenmom5]

at the very least - you DO need to say something to your kids about the fact that even among the adults in your extended family, there will be different *opinions*. let them know what you think about things, and why. You have given your extended family permission to say things to your kids, now you need to step up and let them know they will hear contradictory things.

unless your sil starts preaching about HP or anything else (because it will come up about other stuff), it's probably not worth your time to talk to her.

 

as for the popsicle incident, was it only family around? were their neighbors, other people? dinner going to be served soon?

[Pegasus]

I can understand the annoyance at your SIL telling your DC that Potter is bad. However, I think I'm missing something with the popsicle incident. You were at your mom's house and your niece (who visits the house often and is allowed to snack at will) tries to help herself to a popsicle and you stop her? I'm on the side of mom and sil on this one. It wasn't up to you to place the snacking restriction on her. Your DC were getting ice cream, why in the world could the niece not have a popsicle. There was enough "treats" for all, even if it wasn't the exact same thing.

[Anne in CA]

SIL is probably going to be annoying forever. It does sound like they do make you an outsider with this sort of thing, I don't think it is your "feeling" at all. My mom and my sister have a bond I don't, and when they pull this sort of stuff I leave. So maybe I am defensive on your behalf, lol, but I think the bigger issue here is shoring up your own self esteem to deal with the differences you have with them without getting your feelings so hurt. I would tell my kids that SIL's opinions are simply her own opinions and I would talk to them about the difference between opinion and fact. SIL's (or anyone else's) opinions are simply not fact. My MIL gave a Book of Mormon to my dd 15 years ago and told her is was the rest of the Bible, knowing our family does not believe that. I did not start a fight at MIL's house, but on the trip home I explained the difference between BOM and The Bible and I threw the BOM in the trash when we got home. I was that mad about her trying to prejudice my child. Now that I am older I would not have thrown the book out, lol, and I would have been a lot more easy going about it so that dd was not self conscious about a gift she didn't even ask for. You dc did not ask to be put in that situation so I would talk to them in the sort of manner that lets them know they are not in trouble.

[KungFuPanda]

:iagree: It is a great time to talk about people think different things about different issues.

 

Some people think HP is bad because _they're fundie nut jobs _____. Others love it because _it's awesome_____. In our family, we think _it's awesome________ because ___we rock_______.

 

 

IRL, I have a keep quiet and don't escalate policy with my family. However, if a family member starts harassing a child over something I clearly let them read, that falls into the 'Don't start nothin; won't BE nothin." category.

[Acorn]

Not sure I understand the popsicle thing . When we have a party, there are various desserts but not enough of each for everyone. I would just say to children that different families believe different things, shrug. Then I would call Sis and gush about how wonderful HP is.

[RemsMom]

nm

[Soror]

I appreciate the thoughts. There have been several things in the last few months as well. Just icing on the cake. I have a feeling as the children get older there will just be more things we disagree about. Ironic part is that we are generally much more conservative.

 

 

re: popsicles....nm

[OrganicAnn]

It sound like the underlying problem is you feel that your SIL and maybe even your mom can undermine you. Your examples may not be perfect, but that is what I think you are trying to express (of course it can be difficult to tell based just on a post, so if I'm wrong please ignore). If you sit back and think, yes they seem to want to undermine me, then I would distance yourself from them. The fact that your mom would get mad at you for expressing your concerns, seem to me to be manipulative.

 

Lots of kids grow up having had a rich childhood with no relationship with extended family. Most kids would rather have a happy mom than a few family functions with cousins. What's the quote about nobody can treat you poorly without you letting them. Your family might like it, but they would respect you more if you don't let yourself be undermined.

[Incognito]

We have friends that screen out everything involving magic, monsters, dragons, fantasy... It is impressive and sometimes difficult to figure out what is taboo. Anyhoo, I try to be respectful of the parents' desires, and try to teach my kids to be respectful too. It sucks that your SIL said this to your kids - adults my kids respect saying something like that would affect them. However, it's time to step up with the kids and explain perspectives and opinions and help them see that opinion isn't Truth.

 

For the popsicle, I totally get where you are coming from, but it sounds like this is a place where you aren't really welcome to parent eachothers' kids. Time to defer to the parent and let them decide if their child is allowed on anything you think isn't okay (next time, send the child to their parent about whatever).

[readinmom]

 

Most kids would rather have a happy mom than a few family functions with cousins. What's the quote about nobody can treat you poorly without you letting them.

 

 

:iagree:

 

As difficult as this may seem, a lot of truth here. I fought the same battles with the in-laws to no avail. Older ds grew up thinking HP was filled with witchcraft and the devil. Lord of the Rings was okay, though. :laugh:

 

I got to the point where I stopped going to those family functions where I knew there would be this type of problem. Whenever a sentence started with "I don't want to undermine your authority, but..." I would say "then don't" and walk away. Yes, I am perceived as the difficult one and I don't care anymore. It was not blessing my life or my children's.

[Soror]

It sound like the underlying problem is you feel that your SIL and maybe even your mom can undermine you. Your examples may not be perfect, but that is what I think you are trying to express (of course it can be difficult to tell based just on a post, so if I'm wrong please ignore). If you sit back and think, yes they seem to want to undermine me, then I would distance yourself from them. The fact that your mom would get mad at you for expressing your concerns, seem to me to be manipulative.

 

Lots of kids grow up having had a rich childhood with no relationship with extended family. Most kids would rather have a happy mom than a few family functions with cousins. What's the quote about nobody can treat you poorly without you letting them. Your family might like it, but they would respect you more if you don't let yourself be undermined.

Yes, and I try really hard to be respectful of their choices, even ones that I really disagree with (and things generally accepted by most as bad ideas- even by Hive standards). It just really bothered me that she said something like that to my kids.

 

I don't think my mom is manipulative so much as she doesn't want to deal with it. You just don't talk about things. You ignore and hope it goes away. There can be no constructive talk. It drives me batty. It is just not how I function.

 

As to parenting others kids, it seems acceptable for them to parent mine but I guess not the reverse.

[joannqn]

If the Harry Potter thing happened with my kids, I would explain to them that we thought that way too. But we decided to read it and form our own opinions. Once we read it, we realized that it was full of positive themes and Christian symbolism and changed our minds. SIL has either not read the book, interpreted the series different than we did, or has different values than we do. That's her choice, and we don't have to let it bother us.

 

It does sound like you may need to develop thicker skin or distance yourself for them.

[JuanitaL]

Perhaps SIL felt you were judging her parenting styles/what's allowable - getting a popsicle is rude (bad?); now you feel SIL is judging your parenting styles/allowable - reading HP is bad (evil?). It could be tit for tat, or it could just be different parenting styles/acceptability. I would probably just talk to my kids while shrugging my shoulders and trying not to roll my eyes too noticeably. (As for the popsicle, I would probably have some kind of a childish regression in that instance because I can remember that as a kid it used to burn my butt when we would go to my grandparents house and they had a box of Fruity Pebbles for my cousin - she lived in the same town and would spend the night a lot. My mom never bought us FB, I'm sure we got the store brand of Cheerios or something; we could not eat those FB at Granny's house because they were cousin's. Evidently I still have some FB issues.)

[gardenmom5]

 

I got to the point where I stopped going to those family functions where I knew there would be this type of problem. Whenever a sentence started with "I don't want to undermine your authority, but..." I would say "then don't" and walk away. Yes, I am perceived as the difficult one and I don't care anymore. It was not blessing my life or my children's.

 

there is something to be said for being ornery. I realized I was considered an ungrateful rebellious wretch because I didn't give a hoot about 'her' opinons - but the drug taking, promiscuity, etc. etc. etc. by my siblings (even though I never engaged) was overlooked because they worshiped the ground on which she walked. low these decades later, I have no regrets.

[prairiewindmomma]

I would've been tempted to mutter "Muggles!" and shake my head woefully....

[TKDmom]

I'd probably say something like "Yeah, some people think so. What do you think?" and then we could take about how great Harry Potter is. Chances are my oldest would've had a vehement disagreement with her aunt when she said it and I'd probably be told by my sister that my daughter is a brat (again). sigh

 

Yeah, this is what would have happened in my family, too. Tact and keeping your mouth shut sometimes is surprisingly hard to teach. :rolleyes:

 

I would be sure to talk to my own kids about how different people believe different things.When I disagree with my ILs views, I do my best to explain their beliefs to my kids without vilifying ILs. Something aong the lines of, "Here's what they believe and why... But we believe this... And it's okay to believe differently. It doesn't make them (or us) bad people." I don't want my kids inheriting any of the tensions that might exist between the adults in our family.

[Ellie]

at the very least - you DO need to say something to your kids about the fact that even among the adults in your extended family, there will be different *opinions*. let them know what you think about things, and why. You have given your extended family permission to say things to your kids; now you need to step up and let them know they will hear contradictory things. Unless your sil starts preaching about HP or anything else (because it will come up about other stuff), it's probably not worth your time to talk to her.

 

 

:iagree:

[Susan in TN]

I appreciate the thoughts. There have been several things in the last few months as well. Just icing on the cake. I have a feeling as the children get older there will just be more things we disagree about. Ironic part is that we are generally much more conservative.

 

 

re: popsicles....nm

 

 

You may find the opposite happening - as the kids get older and SIL & Co. "mature" into their parenting styles, you might just find they become more laid back about books and snacks and all those other annoying issues that inevitably come up in families, and really, in any group in general.

 

((Hugs)) I know how it feels to be a stranger in your own family. Do the best you can to love them anyway. ((More Hugs))

[Leav97]

Perhaps SIL felt you were judging her parenting styles/what's allowable - getting a popsicle is rude (bad?); now you feel SIL is judging your parenting styles/allowable - reading HP is bad (evil?). It could be tit for tat, or it could just be different parenting styles/acceptability. I would probably just talk to my kids while shrugging my shoulders and trying not to roll my eyes too noticeably. (As for the popsicle, I would probably have some kind of a childish regression in that instance because I can remember that as a kid it used to burn my butt when we would go to my grandparents house and they had a box of Fruity Pebbles for my cousin - she lived in the same town and would spend the night a lot. My mom never bought us FB, I'm sure we got the store brand of Cheerios or something; we could not eat those FB at Granny's house because they were cousin's. Evidently I still have some FB issues.)

 

If it wouldn't have hurt the kids, I would have been tempted to tell all of the kids to go ask Grandma and SIL for a Popsicle.

[bettyandbob]

The way I read the popsicle incident is ice cream was purchased as the treat for the event. No other treats were planned to be served. In my house this happens sometimes. I have had to tell person A or B not get X or Y out because that wasn't what was planned. Enough ice cream was available for everyone. I missing something for ya'll who wanted niece to have the popsicle. Why can't someone say to a child "we are having ice cream right now, no popsicles. " I assume that is what the OP did, that is something that might happen in my house or my mom's and it's no big deal. There's no reason why the child couldn't adhere sticking with the planned treat. I don't see that as highly invasive parenting of someone else's child.

 

The fact that she couldn't adhere to the planned treat suggests she's rather spoiled.

[Luanne]

The only thing I have to say is that Harry Potter was written for the age of the characters. Book one was written for 11 and 12 year olds and such. I think giving them to younger children isn't the best thing, but that is just me. I

[Dahliarw]

If I were you I'd be tempted to tell your kids that your SIL is on Voldemort's side and that's why she thinks HP is bad... :lol:

 

But in all seriousness, explaining what an opinion is and that hers is different makes sense.

 

The popsicle thing, I feel as you do.

[LibraryLover]

Perhaps SIL felt you were judging her parenting styles/what's allowable - getting a popsicle is rude (bad?); now you feel SIL is judging your parenting styles/allowable - reading HP is bad (evil?). It could be tit for tat, or it could just be different parenting styles/acceptability. I would probably just talk to my kids while shrugging my shoulders and trying not to roll my eyes too noticeably. (As for the popsicle, I would probably have some kind of a childish regression in that instance because I can remember that as a kid it used to burn my butt when we would go to my grandparents house and they had a box of Fruity Pebbles for my cousin - she lived in the same town and would spend the night a lot. My mom never bought us FB, I'm sure we got the store brand of Cheerios or something; we could not eat those FB at Granny's house because they were cousin's. Evidently I still have some FB issues.)

 

 

Thank you for the chuckle. :) lol HAve a beer with me.

[kitten18]

The way I read the popsicle incident is ice cream was purchased as the treat for the event. No other treats were planned to be served. In my house this happens sometimes. I have had to tell person A or B not get X or Y out because that wasn't what was planned. Enough ice cream was available for everyone. I missing something for ya'll who wanted niece to have the popsicle. Why can't someone say to a child "we are having ice cream right now, no popsicles. " I assume that is what the OP did, that is something that might happen in my house or my mom's and it's no big deal. There's no reason why the child couldn't adhere sticking with the planned treat. I don't see that as highly invasive parenting of someone else's child.

 

The fact that she couldn't adhere to the planned treat suggests she's rather spoiled.

I completely agree.

 

 

[AimeeM]

The way I read the popsicle incident is ice cream was purchased as the treat for the event. No other treats were planned to be served. In my house this happens sometimes. I have had to tell person A or B not get X or Y out because that wasn't what was planned. Enough ice cream was available for everyone. I missing something for ya'll who wanted niece to have the popsicle. Why can't someone say to a child "we are having ice cream right now, no popsicles. " I assume that is what the OP did, that is something that might happen in my house or my mom's and it's no big deal. There's no reason why the child couldn't adhere sticking with the planned treat. I don't see that as highly invasive parenting of someone else's child.

 

The fact that she couldn't adhere to the planned treat suggests she's rather spoiled.

Or she just prefers popsicles?

I hate ice cream. I hate all dairy based desserts. I'm far from spoiled. A treat is a treat. I'm not going to be offended if a child dislikes cake served at a party and requests chips instead (knowing that we have chips). I had doughnuts here for dessert the other night, having a friend and her children over for dinner; one of the children reached for an apple on the counter instead. No big.

[AimeeM]

The only thing I have to say is that Harry Potter was written for the age of the characters. Book one was written for 11 and 12 year olds and such. I think giving them to younger children isn't the best thing, but that is just me. I

So I shouldn't read books with characters in their 30's and 40's, as I'm only 28? Lol.

 

ETA: perhaps I read that wrong. Are you saying that since the recommended reading level is 11/12 for book one, it shouldn't be given to a younger child? In which case, I have to wonder, what you would have a gifted reader READ? Only allowing a gifted 5 year old, reading on a third grade level, kindergarten readers because it's their target age, would certainly kill any interest they had/have in reading. IMO.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

The way I read the popsicle incident is ice cream was purchased as the treat for the event. No other treats were planned to be served. In my house this happens sometimes. I have had to tell person A or B not get X or Y out because that wasn't what was planned. Enough ice cream was available for everyone. I missing something for ya'll who wanted niece to have the popsicle. Why can't someone say to a child "we are having ice cream right now, no popsicles. " I assume that is what the OP did, that is something that might happen in my house or my mom's and it's no big deal. There's no reason why the child couldn't adhere sticking with the planned treat. I don't see that as highly invasive parenting of someone else's child.

 

The fact that she couldn't adhere to the planned treat suggests she's rather spoiled.

 

Because she was at her grandma's house where she is used to helping herself. There were popsicles in the freezer that were bought by Grandma, and both Grandma and the girl's parents were OK with her having a popsicle. The OP made a problem for herself where there was none. If the girl had been at the OP's house and it was the OP's freezer and popsicles, that would be different.

 

I think both parents have overstepped. I wouldn't appreciate either the popsicle incident or the Harry Potter comment.

[MolleenCarie]

I informed my mom and bil as a heads up as it bothered her. Next thing I know mom is comforting niece and then sil is getting her a popsicle.

 

I'm wondering if you approached them apologetically. Do you have a tendency to apologize for your behavior or opinions often? I don't think you needed to let them know, and just informing them of it seems apologetic to me.

 

I can see all sides on the Popsicle issue, but the thing is: this shouldn't be an issue. I agree with the poster upthread - there's more to it. I think you said it yourself: you feel like an outsider. That's hard. (((Hugs)))

[bettyandbob]

Or she just prefers popsicles?

I hate ice cream. I hate all dairy based desserts. I'm far from spoiled. A treat is a treat. I'm not going to be offended if a child dislikes cake served at a party and requests chips instead (knowing that we have chips). I had doughnuts here for dessert the other night, having a friend and her children over for dinner; one of the children reached for an apple on the counter instead. No big.

 

As a child, if my grandma or aunt was serving something I didn't want, I just didn't eat it. I didn't expect that I would get something different. Do we know that this child "hates" ice cream. I bet she eats ice cream, but the OP doesn't say. She was getting a pop sickle before the ice cream was being served to the group and didn't want to take direction to eat what the group was having when the group had it. This was a treat, not a necessity. The child is not described as a peanut allergic child being told the only thing she can eat is the peanut stew her Ugandan grandma made. She is not being deprived of eating or nutrition at all. She is simply not getting her choice of treat during one particular event. This is not a bad thing. This is not an unfair thing. Often she gets her choice, just not that day. I followed that type of direction at a young age. I don't remember ever questioning it.

 

With regard to your friend's child. You had the apples on display on the counter. The child didn't go to your pantry and pull out what she wanted. I personally would have preferred the child ask, but since the apples were on the counter it wouldn't bother me, that is why I put my apples in a bowl on the counter.

[JuanitaL]

 

 

Thank you for the chuckle. :) lol HAve a beer with me.

:cheers2: Thanks!

[LibraryLover]

I wouldn't care if one of the kids wanted a pop. Not my house, not my problem.

As for HP, just tell the kids that everyone has their own beliefs about a whole boat load of stuff. Nobig deal. It seems like it is, but it is not.

If I stopped going to family parties because we had parenting/ideological differences, I would not have a family.

[LibraryLover]

The only thing I have to say is that Harry Potter was written for the age of the characters. Book one was written for 11 and 12 year olds and such. I think giving them to younger children isn't the best thing, but that is just me. I

 

I understand what you are saying. My older kids read them at around the age Harry was in each book. Anyone can read them, but there is something very special about discovering an 11 year old Harry when you are 11.

[AimeeM]

As a child, if my grandma or aunt was serving something I didn't want, I just didn't eat it. I didn't expect that I would get something different. Do we know that this child "hates" ice cream. I bet she eats ice cream, but the OP doesn't say. She was getting a pop sickle before the ice cream was being served to the group and didn't want to take direction to eat what the group was having when the group had it. This was a treat, not a necessity. The child is not described as a peanut allergic child being told the only thing she can eat is the peanut stew her Ugandan grandma made. She is not being deprived of eating or nutrition at all. She is simply not getting her choice of treat during one particular event. This is not a bad thing. This is not an unfair thing. Often she gets her choice, just not that day. I followed that type of direction at a young age. I don't remember ever questioning it.

 

With regard to your friend's child. You had the apples on display on the counter. The child didn't go to your pantry and pull out what she wanted. I personally would have preferred the child ask, but since the apples were on the counter it wouldn't bother me, that is why I put my apples in a bowl on the counter.

We're going to differ on this. I have an open kitchen policy - my children and my friends' children are welcome to anything in the house - even if it were in the pantry.

I think the point you're missing is that this wasn't the OP's house; this was Grandma's house and it was fine with grandma that the child help herself, like she always does, to a treat she knows is there, because she is there that often.

That would be like my friend stopping my child from getting a treat they know I say they can have, while in MY home - which wouldn't fly on any level.

[bettyandbob]

I think the point you're missing is that this wasn't the OP's house; this was Grandma's house and it was fine with grandma that the child help herself, like she always does, to a treat she knows is there, because she is there that often.

 

Yes, I know it was grandma's house. I thought the OP said grandma bought the ice cream, which to me means grandma planned for ice cream at this particular event. I had the impression this wasn't a typical casual afternoon, but there was a specific plan. There are times went I went to my grandma's and could help myself AND there are times when I was expected to follow the plan. This is true for my dc at my mother's home.

 

Perhaps my impression of the particular event was incorrect. But I thought it wasn't just niece and the OPs dc, which means likely there was more planning and thought and it appeared ice cream was part of the plan.

[unsinkable]

Oh dear.

 

I'm in a quandary.

 

I thought this was a Harry Potter thread and now I see y'all are talking about Popsicles.

 

I don't know if I should back up and read the whole thing or just back out slowly...

 

Hmmmmm...

[TXBeth]

In my home, my kids are welcome to have apples and carrots at any time. They don't even have to ask.

 

Let's say we were getting together with friends at our house, and friend's mom was cutting up pineapple for the group while I was in the other room, and my kid came into the kitchen and started to grab an apple. Friend noticed that kiddo was taking the last apple, and she knows apples are a favorite among several of the children. So she says, "hey, kiddo, there aren't enough apples for everyone, so let's save that for a time she you don't have friends over okay? I'm cutting up some pineapple for everyone, and it will be ready in just a minute."

 

That would not bother me at all! Actually, I would hope my kids would not grab the last apple knowing there are other kids who wouldn't get any, but they are young, so they might not be perfectly considerate, and I would appreciate the reminder. If my kid then came crying to me that they were told no, I would tell them to suck it up and explain that friend is right, it's rude to eat something when there is not enough for everyone.

 

On the other hand, if I were the friend, I would not feel comfortable doing any more than the gentle suggestion I wrote above. If the kid said, "my mom said I can have apples whenever I want; it doesn't matter how many are left," I would not argue with them or physically prevent them from taking the apple. I think that would be overstepping.

 

So if OP gently corrected niece, niece listened and complied and then went and cried to SIL, I think SIL was out of line to then completely undermine respect for Auntie by going to get her DD a popsicle (unless there was another reason we don't know about, like she was having a low blood sugar meltdown and needed the boost RIGHT NOW).

 

But if OP, for example, took the Popsicle out of niece's hand and put it back in the freezer, saying something like, "Niece, that is rude! You shouldn't get a Popsicle out when there is not enough for everyone! Don't you see I'm dishing up ice cream right now? You can wait like everyone else!" then I think SIL was justified in being upset, and I can see why she got her kid a Popsicle after all (although I still probably wouldn't have done that).

 

ETA: fixing numerous "typing on iPad" errors

[Flowing Brook]

I say this gently but if it is ok for you to say something to the niece about a Popsicle then it is ok for your sister to say something about hp.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Oh dear.

 

I'm in a quandary.

 

I thought this was a Harry Potter thread and now I see y'all are talking about Popsicles.

 

I don't know if I should back up and read the whole thing or just back out slowly...

 

Hmmmmm...

 

Well, popsicles are quite the hot topic, while Harry Potter isn't controversial at all.

[bettyandbob]

Oh dear.

 

I'm in a quandary.

 

I thought this was a Harry Potter thread and now I see y'all are talking about Popsicles.

 

I don't know if I should back up and read the whole thing or just back out slowly...

 

Hmmmmm...

 

yes it seems this went the way of cupcakes and grocery carts.

[unsinkable]

I also think I should share this:

 

Popsicle is a trademark:

 

 

http://www.popsicle.com/article/detail/107647/all-about-popsicle-sicle-trademark-family

 

The article ends with:

 

"So now that you know the cold facts, do the cool thing and stay on the right side of the law. Use Popsicle®, Creamsicle®, Fudgsicle® and Yosicle® only to identify our products, use these trademarks correctly, and don’t use them for any other purpose without our permission. We appreciate your cooperation."

[TKDmom]

Well, popsicles are quite the hot topic, while Harry Potter isn't controversial at all.

 

Kinda like cupcakes...

[TXBeth]

I also think I should share this:

Popsicle is a trademark:

http://www.popsicle.com/article/detail/107647/all-about-popsicle-sicle-trademark-family

The article ends with:

"So now that you know the cold facts, do the cool thing and stay on the right side of the law. Use Popsicle®, Creamsicle®, Fudgsicle® and Yosicle® only to identify our products, use these trademarks correctly, and don’t use them for any other purpose without our permission. We appreciate your cooperation."

 

Aha! A whole new level of controversy! So, OP, were the items in question actually Popsicles, or have we all been unwittingly violating trademark law? (I was wondering why autocorrect kept capitalizing the word "Popsicle."