Meeting with the caterer today. RSVP cards - Americans NEED an education in this. MOB angst & vent inside.

[FaithManor]

So, I've just spent the last hour trying to track down people whom I have very good reason to believe are attending the wedding, but who have not turned in an RSVP card which was PROMINENTLY placed in front of the invitation in the envelope so it.could.not.be.missed. We also expressed our regrets on that card, that due to the limitations of seating - none of the local halls can accomodate more than 100 except one and that due to this, we would not be inviting children except very, very close relatives and those names would be indicated on the interior envelope.

 

Let's see -

 

I have 14 people who left messages on our answering machine while we were gone to Washington D.C. that they are attending...though we gave an entre choice of lemon, herbed chicken or parmesan, encrusted tilapia on the RSVP card and the fact that we had to know by May 13th, none of them indicated in their messages what they wanted to eat. I've arbitrarily decided they are getting chicken.

 

I have an extended family member whose very wayward, screaming banshee, ill mannered three year old WAS NOT INVITED, who indicated on the RSVP card that I should provide chicken nuggets and french fries for her little darling. I just had a discussion with her on the phone, tried to be pleasant but firm, and she's very ANGRY with me. The compromise is that she can bring little darling, but if she has a melt down, they have to leave and my dear nephew will be the one who will make sure they do. No chicken nuggets will be provided. There is a McDonald's down the road six miles; they can feed her there before the reception begins. For goodness sakes, there is chicken, rolls, roasted potatoes, salad, finger veggies, and fresh fruit bowl...they can't find something in that she'll eat??????

 

I have another family that indicated that their sons - all elementary aged and invited to the wedding since they are cousins of the groom and very close to him (he is much older and more like an uncle than a cousin) - that we needed to provide a pasta dinner for their kids! Seriously!!!! NO flippin' way. If you want to bring them, this is what is provided. My brain also gets twitchy thinking about those ivory tablecloths with the satin overlays and the lace on top of that with SPAGHETTI!!!! There is a reason nothing red is offered on this menu and the punch is essentially Lemonade and Squirt...trying to avoid dark food dyes here people. Again, McDonald's down the road or stop at the pizza place and feed them first.

 

One person indicated they would prefer a tuna sandwich.

 

I AM NOT PROVIDING A SHORT ORDER COOK HERE!!!!

 

My 17 year old nephew called to say he's not speaking to me. He recently acquired a girlfriend we knew nothing about and we did not indicate "and guest" for teenagers. I'm not running the prom here and the way he goes through girls, if she lasts two weeks (this boy is just a little bit tooooooo popular for his own good so there is a never ending trail of teenie bopper females trailing behind him like a fan club) it will be a miracle. Since our seating is close to maxed out, I said that I was very, very sorry to say that I couldn't invite her. Thus, the declaration that he is not speaking to me. Okay, whatever Mr. Tude! I'll strike your name off the attending list.

 

Good grief! What is it about weddings that make people lose.their.minds?

 

Okay, now that I have that off my chest, I can breathe easier.

 

Faith - headed off to the caterer, the florist, and the cake decorator. If you see me here later, please gently remind me that I'm stalling and have some bridesmaids bouquets to put together. I'm tired from the trip and having a hard time focusing on the tasks at hand.

[BigMamaBird]

:grouphug:

[Kelly1730]

:grouphug: Faith :grouphug: I am sympathizing with you dear friend. We are nine (count'em 9!) days away from wedding day and I do think weddings make people lose their minds! I may be the first to be committed!;P

[Seasider]

In a word, entitlement. It is a pervasive attitude these days.

 

Kudos to you on the default to chicken. I was going to suggest the same thing. And for the reference to McD's. You seemed to be on a roll - why didn't you just tell mom that special snowflake wasn't invited?

 

Have your nephew-the-bouncer watch for Mr. Tude and his date, he sounds the type that might just show up with his Bond Girl in tow just for spite.

 

It is sad that people have entirely redefined the concept of being someone's "guest."

[Rebecca VA]

I think you should have gone the potluck route. :) Then everyone would be guaranteed to have something they like.

[Ellie]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Miss Manners and others have been trying to educate Americans on this for years and years. Sadly, there are boatloads of people who refuse to comply, who think they can make up their own standards of behavior.

[Ellie]

I think you should have gone the potluck route. :) Then everyone would be guaranteed to have something they like.

 

::snort::

[KatieJ]

I have four children, all married. I feel your pain.

 

I did not give choices for the menu. Twice we did buffet, and one plated meal had chicken and ham on it. They could eat whichever they preferred, The fourth one was a chicken and pasta meal. They could choose a child's portion, and I don't remember if there was something different on that plate or not.

 

NEver ever had anyone send me their preference!

 

I agree that I would just asign them chicken at this point.

[readwithem]

 

One person indicated they would prefer a tuna sandwich.

 

 

oh dear. Your entire post made my head hurt but THIS made me laugh out loud. Literally.

 

I'm so sorry. Good for you for sticking to your guns!! People are rude, self-centered and pathetic.

[BarbecueMom]

Oh my, the tuna sandwich. I am so sorry, but that cracked me up. Reminds me of the movie Airplane: "We had a choice, steak or fish." "Yes, I remember, I had the lasagna."

[Starr]

The only thing that is really important is getting the best video person possible. It's a made for cable show, screaming banshees, spaghetti flying, pushy moms calling out for tuna, handsome teen boy snorting around with a trail of young lovelies, :lol: Where's the red kool-aid? I love how you tell a story.

 

It sounds like you've got things under control. I'm sure it will be wonderful! :grouphug:

[Word Nerd]

I'm not exactly Miss Manners and think a lot of etiquette rules are arbitrary and archaic. But somewhere along the way, people have moved from not being sticklers about etiquette to being brash, rude, disrespectful and entitled—and completely clueless about how to treat others. Demanding what food should be served to someone who wasn't even invited is a new one for me! Sorry you have to deal with so many knuckleheads.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I'm cracking up over the tuna sandwich. :lol:

[JumpyTheFrog]

My mom did the cooking for her own small (29 people) wedding. Her 17 year-old brother was a picky eater so she made him a PB&J sandwich.

 

Boy am I glad we had a buffet at our wedding. It never occurred to me that people would forget to select their entree. Nobody in the family had little kids, either, so no problem there. In fact, I think DH may have been the second youngest at our wedding!

[vonfirmath]

Honestly, I have a hard time with RSVPs and thank you notes (I'm working on both)

 

But I would NEVER EVER ask for something different than offered choices. If it was critical (my kid with an allergy), I might ask if I could bring food in. And I can NOT imagine "inviting" along someone else to a wedding or more formal affair (birthdays where the past birthdays have been family affairs I will ask to clarify about siblings)

[PentecostalMom]

Sorry you are dealing with all of this! My dds is getting married in August and due to circumstances, I am playing MOB for planning purposes. I *hope* I don't get any ridiculous requests like this! :grouphug:

[RemsMom]

I just don't understand people. If you don't think you are going to like the food at an event, eat before you go. How difficult is that?

[bobbeym]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Lots of hugs to you Faith! You will get this all finished without going crazy, I promise!

 

The only undesirable guest at DS/DD's wedding this past weekend was her older sister who gave me the evil eye the entire time she was there. As if it's MY fault that I was the one helping pull off her baby sister's wedding b/c big sister decided to throw a tantrum and ignore baby sis, thus not helping plan, decorate, or even show up until an hour before the wedding and then proceed to make snarky fake compliments the entire time she was there. It's really bad IMO when the bride says on her wedding day that she hopes her sister doesn't show up after all!

 

What annoyed me was all the RSVP-yes people that ended up being a no show for reasons unknown to us. After planning food for 55 guests, I think we maybe had 35 and that might be pushing it. My kids have told me they're actually sick of cake and sandwiches and can I please buy some real food instead.

[Moxie]

Playing Devil's Advocate here. Perhaps these people think they are saving you money? Since Jr. is fine with pasta and it is cheaper then chicken, maybe they think they are helping??

[kewb]

Nothing brings out the ugly like wedding and funerals.

[Kathryn]

Sorry, I'm laughing. I sympathize, but I'm laughing. The nerve of people nowadays never ceases to amaze me. I, too, am glad we did a buffet.

[Dahliarw]

Some people are crazy! I'm glad we did a buffet too! (though that was mostly because a plated meal was out of our budget).

 

I went to a super fancy wedding this past winter, and we're good friends with the groom and had met his fiance. I put on the RSVP card that I can't have gluten, and if any of the entrees were gluten free please pick that for me, if not it was not a problem, let me know and I'd either bring my own food or eat before the wedding. I got a really nice email from the bride telling me she hadn't finalized the food and would make sure I could eat. I did not expect that, and the way I phrased it was that it was totally up to her, and I really did appreciate her accomidation (and when I told her she said it was easy and she was happy to - total sweetheart!) But I never would have put down "I need a gluten free entree" or "can I have a tuna sandwich on gf bread" or something. Goodness that is rude! (oh, and we DID NOT bring our children. They were not invited!)

[AlmiraGulch]

What is wrong with people!?!? I hereby lend you my current Facebook status:

 

Remember when Michael Douglas went all crazy in that movie because people are stupid and clueless and the hamburger didn't match the picture? Yeah, that could be me today. Just so everyone knows.

[Slartibartfast]

:grouphug:

[Twigs]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[UrbanSue]

My oldest is only 8 but I read these threads as a constant reminder of how lucky we were at our wedding. I didn't realize how smart we were to go the buffet luncheon route. My kids will definitely all be steered in that direction . . .

 

I hope, for your sake, that this is just all the stress getting out ahead of time so the day itself can be nothing but wonderful memories.

[poppy]

Playing Devil's Advocate here. Perhaps these people think they are saving you money? Since Jr. is fine with pasta and it is cheaper then chicken, maybe they think they are helping??

 

Weddings I've gone to where the kids were invited - maybe 4 so far - a child's meal is offered, unless it's a buffet dinner.

But that is something I hear about from the bride, not something I presume to mention on the RSVP!!! Especially not ordering what the kids will be eating!

 

I agree with your outrage, OP, but at the same time --- and again, the the spirit of devil's advocacy --- I have been to one wedding where I literally did have to find a nearby fast food joint to eat, and I'll admit it felt odd. Here is a couple inviting me to a ceremony and party that ran from 4 p.m. to midnight and they did not offer food I could eat, aside from the cake and a roll (it was a clambake, I am a vegetarian.....) I don't feel like they were really obligated to provide food, but to have to leave friends and family and drive 15 minutes to a fast food joint, eat and then drive back - all in my rather formal attire - was not ideal.

[Dandelion]

One person indicated they would prefer a tuna sandwich.

 

 

WTH is wrong with people??? :confused1: :glare: :thumbdown: :lol:

 

Hang in there! I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding. :grouphug:

[8circles]

Goodness! What a bunch of, um, characters. This doesn't have anything to do with etiquette, just basic manners - or even just (apparently uncommon) common sense. Honestly, I would be surprised if any of these people even know anything about etiquette to be against it - they're just not too sensible.

[LivingHope]

My Dh didn't send in his RSVP for a close friend's wedding in time. Dh was very understanding when he was told there was no room for him at the reception. He still drove the five hours to be at the wedding ceremony and turned right around before the reception to drive the five hours home. I write this in support of you...there are some people who understand that seats are limited and the wedding is all about the bride and groom.

[KungFuPanda]

Ok, new plan. Brides today need a Flake Table. A ten-twenty seater so that the snowflakes can cluster. Maybe a Snowball Table? It'll catch on and folks will have to guess if theirs is the 'difficult' table. If you look around and see McDonalds wrappers, tuna sandwiches, spaghetti, and uninvited dates then YOU, my friend, are at The Flake Table.

 

I think the Power of the Hive can make this catch on. While waiters in crisp black and white are delivering mahi mahi and Parmesan crusted chicken breasts to the gracious guests, the Dominos guy can deliver to the snowflakes.

[happyhomemaker25]

Oh my! I can't even imagine. I think in this day and age of the snowflake we are really doing a disservice to people. There is a difference between a gracious hostess and an overbearing guest. You can't please everyone all of the time so just do your best. People need to understand the time, money, and stress that goes into planning a big event like this and then recognize that it's not about them at all.

[tammieb]

A month before I got married, my parents offered my hubby & I $5000 to ELOPE and have an after wedding family get-together --- SERIOUSLY!! Guess they knew more than I did at the time :lol:

 

It'll be years before my kiddos are marrying age, but after reading your post, I'm thinking Daddy's offer was pretty good for all involved!

 

Best wishes and good luck!!

[Kari C in SC]

My oldest is only 8 but I read these threads as a constant reminder of how lucky we were at our wedding. I didn't realize how smart we were to go the buffet luncheon route. My kids will definitely all be steered in that direction . . .

 

I hope, for your sake, that this is just all the stress getting out ahead of time so the day itself can be nothing but wonderful memories.

 

 

This is what I always tell my kids... You will have a buffet. We have a TON of family and friends and kids and for us it is all about the love of those people being there and not so much about the menu. I do feel for the op and wish them well. I'm sure it will go smoothly and be a wonderful wedding.

[Jennifer]

I have told my three girls that they can have a cake and punch reception in the church hall after the ceremony and $10,000 in cash as a wedding gift. I don't think I can survive wedding planning for three of them.

 

Jennifer

[Jennifer]

I have told my three girls that they can have a cake and punch reception in the church hall after the ceremony and $10,000 in cash as a wedding gift. I don't think I can survive wedding planning for three of them.

 

Jennifer

[MusicMama]

Oh Faith, I'm so sorry! How are you Dad and daughter doing in their recoveries? I'm sorry people can be so impossible. A tuna sandwich? Really??? Do they want it cut into triangles as well?

[Heather in Neverland]

Oh. My. Word.

 

 

[Word Nerd]

Oh Faith, I'm so sorry! How are you Dad and daughter doing in their recoveries? I'm sorry people can be so impossible. A tuna sandwich? Really??? Do they want it cut into triangles as well?

 

 

Preferably without crusts. And hold the celery.

[Anne in CA]

As someone who has catered countless weddings over the years I can only say that my coworkers and I have seen that weddings bring out the hidden narcissist in people. They just do. I was at a wedding two years ago where a mother demanded that her children be able to order all new food from the restaurant in the hotel even though they told me they were happy to eat the burgers that had been fixed for them. The "reason" she gave was that of course they didn't really want food they had ordered six weeks ago. All of the boys said that, yes they wanted the burgers, but she wouldn't let them eat them????!!!

[NotSoObvious]

My mom offered us cash instead of a wedding. We chose the wedding. Now I see why she was basically begging us to take the money and run. :)

[Parrothead]

Oh, my! I had no idea so many people were so clueless.

[Pippen]

As someone who has catered countless weddings over the years I can only say that my coworkers and I have seen that weddings bring out the hidden narcissist in people. They just do. I was at a wedding two years ago where a mother demanded that her children be able to order all new food from the restaurant in the hotel even though they told me they were happy to eat the burgers that had been fixed for them. The "reason" she gave was that of course they didn't really want food they had ordered six weeks ago. All of the boys said that, yes they wanted the burgers, but she wouldn't let them eat them????!!!

 

Never in a million years would I request different food than what is being served...and I have one very picky eater which meant I always had to plan to bring something along.

 

Once we were at a family wedding at a facility that had a hall on one side and restaurant on the other. When we were seated the owner came around and asked each child what their favorite food was. We just thought he was making conversation but when the meal was served he showed up with whatever food they had mentioned. The bride and groom had no idea and had quite the giggle when they had the disposable cameras developed and saw plates of pancakes, shrimp, mac and cheese, and PB and j sandwiches on the tables.

 

The owner had said he'd seen so many regular meals left untouched--it was a welcome touch for a family event, but again I would never expect it.

[Seasider]

 

 

Never in a million years would I request different food than what is being served...and I have one very picky eater which meant I always had to plan to bring something along.

 

Once we were at a family wedding at a facility that had a hall on one side and restaurant on the other. When we were seated the owner came around and asked each child what their favorite food was. We just thought he was making conversation but when the meal was served he showed up with whatever food they had mentioned. The bride and groom had no idea and had quite the giggle when they had the disposable cameras developed and saw plates of pancakes, shrimp, mac and cheese, and PB and j sandwiches on the tables.

 

The owner had said he'd seen so many regular meals left untouched--it was a welcome touch for a family event, but again I would never expect it.

 

What a generous hearted guy! Yes, that would be lovely. Where did you say that place was? Neverland?!! Too bad that's not a common option.

 

Faith, hope you managed to get those flowers done and the caterer business it fairly well settled. And let us know how dd and dad are feeling.

[Pippen]

What a generous hearted guy! Yes, that would be lovely. Where did you say that place was? Neverland?!! Too bad that's not a common option.

 

 

That was in Smalltown, USA, of course. :thumbup1:

[Giraffe]

A tuna sandwich?! My word.

 

Never have I been so glad we eloped. Best decision we ever made.

[Dana]

See! Potluck starts to look like a smart decision! ;)

 

My folks didn't offer us anything to do our wedding differently, but apparently they did have a discussion about what to do if we didn't show up. They decided they'd have a party and family reunion. :)

 

Hope today is better, Faith!

[Jenny in Florida]

I went to a super fancy wedding this past winter, and we're good friends with the groom and had met his fiance. I put on the RSVP card that I can't have gluten, and if any of the entrees were gluten free please pick that for me, if not it was not a problem, let me know and I'd either bring my own food or eat before the wedding. I got a really nice email from the bride telling me she hadn't finalized the food and would make sure I could eat. I did not expect that, and the way I phrased it was that it was totally up to her, and I really did appreciate her accomidation (and when I told her she said it was easy and she was happy to - total sweetheart!) But I never would have put down "I need a gluten free entree" or "can I have a tuna sandwich on gf bread" or something. Goodness that is rude! (

 

I was pondering how I'd handle this sort of thing, too. In my case, it's not an allergy, but a decades-long ethical vegetarian/vegan thing. If I received an invitation offering me a choice between chicken and fish from someone I knew well enough to actually consider attending the wedding, I'd feel pretty hurt. Once I got over that, I hope I would handle it with as much grace as you did.

[PrincessMommy]

ugh. What a bother. We didn't offer a choice at my dd's wedding either. But the thing that really burned me was the people who did finally RSVP that they were coming and then didn't show up! They heard that another cousin, with whom they weren't speaking, was coming and opted to ditch the day.

 

I definitely think someone needs to start a retro trend of the wedding PARTY going out for a nice dinner after the wedding.... that's it.

[FaithManor]

I was pondering how I'd handle this sort of thing, too. In my case, it's not an allergy, but a decades-long ethical vegetarian/vegan thing. If I received an invitation offering me a choice between chicken and fish from someone I knew well enough to actually consider attending the wedding, I'd feel pretty hurt. Once I got over that, I hope I would handle it with as much grace as you did.

 

 

If we invited people with known allergies, I would accomodate them gladly. If we invited someone whom we knew to be vegetarian/vegan we would also do so. Not one person on our invite list has indicated an issue. I am very sensitive to gluten and the reality is, I don't expect others to figure out how to handle that. But, I'd accomodate someone special in our lives to the best of my abilities if I needed to for an ethical or health reason.

 

Due to my gluten problems there are actually gluten free foods. On top of that, we are offering roasted green beans, herbed potatoes, salad with vinegarette option, gorgeous fruit bowls, steamed asparagus in lemon, and whole wheat, homemade rolls made with honey anda sunflower based butter as a none dairy option. We also have trays of fresh veggies, a dairy based dip, and a non-dairy based dip. Even if someone was vegetarian, they would still have a nice meal.

 

But, I won't be dictated to as if I'm running a restaurant. That was just TOOOOOOOOOOO much.

 

Update - nephew is seriously not.speaking.to.us.now. Whatever! I'm just not in the mood to placate him. Narcicisstic SIL had an inappropriate meltdown and I told my brother to remind her that she'll be bounced from the ceremony and reception if she can't play nice. We'll see how that turns out.

 

The good news - everything is worked out with the caterer, I have all of the flowers sewn onto the napkin rings, all of the boutennieres are done, and I may have enough fabric flowers completed to finish the bridesmaid bouquets and the corsages as long as I don't think of anyone else who needs a corsage. The question is do I have enough for decorating the cake, or do I need to make more. DD is coming over in a few minutes and we are going to do a count. The flowers and cake stands have to go to the decorator on Monday.

 

DD is feeling pretty well. She went to the Star Trek movie last night and I'm very jealous because I want to go and can't find the time. I'm still playing catch-up from being gone to D.C. with the rocket team. The swelling in her abdomen is down and frankly, if anything, the dress may be big in the sides. DD has always been thin, but the size 2 dress was slightly too tight, so they ordered the size 4 and then took it in. Well, while I could never have guessed that she was hosting a cyst the size of a cantelope in that body of hers, to be honest, now that it's out she looks even thinner. Good gravy! Of course, the surgery may have been hard enough on her body that she lost a little weight. Her appetite isn't quite what I'd like it to be, and he is after her a lot to eat. Bless my MIL, she made one of DD's favorite meals tonight to entice her to eat. She did have a pretty good plateful.

 

My dad went for a five block walk today. He was tuckered out and needed a nap. But, I think it was very good for him and the sun was shining. He's kind of pale and I'm all for him making some serious vitamin D. Tonight he's sitting on their deck and watching some song birds duke it out for the seed mom just put out. I'm getting used to the idea that he's getting better, which makes me really nervous because the surgeon is already talking about doing his lung surgery two days after the wedding, and frankly, I don't think he's ready. I know it's cancer and they want it out. However, it is stage 1a, no other tissue involvement and totally encapsulated...not spreading. I feel like it needs to wait another two weeks after that so he can be in more optimal shape since that surgery is not going to be a walk in the park either. I'm also worried about their finances. I'm not certain how much longer the shop can hold out without dad working. I'm prepared to close the doors and sell out. Dad isn't and so we wait. However, despite the worry, I am very pleased with his progress.

 

My mom has been working on the outfits for the two flower girls and the ring bearer. These are the best wedding clothes for children that I have ever seen. I'd post a pic if I could. But, no matter what I do, it says there is an error in the download. Dh has the pictures shrunk down to near microscopic and it still won't do it and says we've exceeded our limit or whatever. So, I guess no pics at this time for the hive.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm feeling a lot better now that some lines have been drawn in the sand and the headcount is off to the caterer.