Do homeschooled teens become drug/alcohol addicted?

[Halcyon]

nm

[Remudamom]

Maybe the money. Sometimes kids get bored and if the funds are there.......

 

My brother's boys are very privileged. My dad says it'll either make them or break them.

[Alexigail]

People from all walks of life can become addicted, depending on their brain chemistry, genetics, etc. However, there are circumstances that can lead to a higher probability and those are the things that you can control to some extent.

I worry about this too because there is some addiction in my family and I want to keep my kids away from it as much as possible. I think that the best thing you can do is provide a home where your kids feel safe and have good information on how to make good choices. I personally feel that a rich spiritual life is also important, but YMMV on that one.

[elegantlion]

Addiction sucks, it also has a genetic component. There are addiction issues on my side and dh's side of the family. This has caused us to have more open discussions earlier than I had wanted. By age 10 we had discussed addiction to drugs and alcohol, not necessarily from a "facts about drugs" standpoint, but real life examples such as: Person A can drink and has the ability to stop or have a glass of wine or beer with dinner and say that's enough. Person B cannot drink period because of the addictive nature in their genetics. Our advice to ds was you don't know where your genetics lie. I'm not against drinking, but we've told him you don't know if you have those genes that might it harder for you to stop at one or impossible. So our advice to him was not to start either one, ever.

 

I don't think homeschooling protects you from all that, maybe some influence that is easier to pick up when you're around peers all day, but the disposition can still be there and the access to alcohol. I've seen more issues with prescription drugs than hard drugs.

 

We've also tried to instill the confidence to just say no if he's somewhere either is being offered, tips to arm himself with a soda or something and walk away if he feels pressured. Also, never get into the car while someone drunk is driving and never, never get behind the wheel after drinking. He has free reign to call me, judgment reserved, and I'll come get him or just crash where you are.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I started drinking heavily at age 11. Age is not a protector. I wasn't homeschooled but I don't know if that matters.

 

My brother was doing drugs at home at 15 (he did correspondence school so I don't know if that counts as homeschooling).

[Trish]

I don't have kids that old yet. Generally speaking, where do 15-year-olds go to do the drugs? I'm assuming if they're at school or an activity, they are at least somewhat supervised. So, where does the drug-taking happen?

[Ameena]

It provides a little protection, but not much. Homeschooled kids however are much more likely to get caught BEFORE it worsens and they branch out to other drugs.

[Impish]

I honestly think it's a crap shoot.

 

I mean, I have ALL of the hallmarks that the Powers That Be say would denote addiction issues.

 

Childhood w/physical abuse? Check.

 

Psychological abuse? Check.

 

Domestic violence? Check

 

Family addiction issues? Check.

 

Poverty? Check.

 

Seriously, if I don't have all of the warnings, I'm probably darn near close.

 

But, for whatever reason, I didn't go down that road. Experimented w/drinking at 15. Threw up a LOT. Never tried anything harder.

[Jennifer3141]

I don't think wealth matter. Kids from wealthy families become addicted to different things than poorer families because kids with money in their pockets can buy better stuff. It would be interesting to know what your cousin was addicted to.

 

We have stuff on my side of the family and we've been talking to the kids about drugs and alcohol and cigarette smoking since they were 5 or so. We know addiction is a brain issue and we know that one of the best ways to combat it is to discuss it honestly and openly.

 

I don't think homeschooling is going to provide 100% protection unless your goal is to keep your children under your eye until they turn legal age and flee but from the homeschooling parents I know personally, I think it would be harder to get away with it. I think hoemschooling parents are by and large almost always watching their kids as a matter of course. We're always wondering if math is sinking in or we're talking to our kids about weird stuff because weird thoughts pop up along the way of learning and look! There's Mom! Let's ask her!

[Parrothead]

Yes, sadly it does happen. Teens of all walks of life can end up with all kinds of problems.

[goldberry]

I have addiction in my family, so I worry about this too. From what I have seen, in addition to the genetics, alot of it has to do with association. If parents are guarding the association (mind you, not just sheltering, but also providing the right kinds of association) I think that's a huge factor.

 

They say the genetics is also usually "triggered" by certain other factors (family environment, peer group, etc). I may not be able to do anything about the genetics, but I can do the best I can to keep anything from being triggered.

[Jennifer3141]

Where wealth makes a difference is parents often have the money to bail their kids out or pay for a good rehab if need be. Poor kids don't get bailed out and often don't get the help they need.

 

 

 

That's true throughout society though too. A wealthy Wall Streeter or a Hollywood actress is going to have top legal representation and is going to be more likely looked at as a "societal" issue than a black kid with a crack pipe from Detroit.

[kwg]

I am way suspicious of long term rehabs for young people just based on my own experience. Maybe not fair but there you have it.

[Anne in CA]

I just came home from the funeral of my cousin who died in prison. He was a straight A student, a star athlete who even played college ball, and an all around wonderful kid. He tried meth, and suddenly he went from that kid who can't do wrong to that man who can't stay out of trouble. Thanks to minimum sentencing laws he spent the last two years in jail for stealing a Gatorade on a hot TX day when he was on probation. This breaks my heart, but I will selfishly admit that even though I am praying almost nonstop for his family, I am now terrified of the genetics my kids share with that side of my family. There are other addicts in my family too, just none who were so set to have a wonderful life and it derailed so quickly.

 

I want to shake my 17yo ds and make sure he knows not to play with drugs or drinking because he may not have later. Two of my cousins have died before they were 35. The longest lived man on that side of my family is 50 and he looked awful at the funeral. Of course, he gave his youth to drinking and pot and it doesn't wear well. I was almost as sad to look at him as I was my poor auntie. His IQ is over 160, and he was beyond handsome as a young man, but addiction has left him living in his mother's basement at 50. I could have cried before the funeral started when I saw him.

 

I don't know if home schooling is more than extra supervision. I have tried to talk to my kids about addiction, but it is hard to know if they will stay clean. It is hard to know if they get that, genetically, they probably may not get a second chance if they screw up.

[GSOchristie]

I hope so??? I really don't think so, however. My brothers were both homeschooled through high school. They were drinking and smoking by 15, and I know smoking weed by 16. My youngest brother did ecstasy, too, not sure about the other one. They both got DUI's in their late teens. My parents never drank or smoked, so it wasn't like it was normalized for them. They were introduced to smoking at church at ages 11 and 12, by a kid some well meaning adults were trying to help "turn his life around.". They were introduced to alcohol and drugs by another homeschooler whose brother went to public school. I went to public school all the way through and never touched alcohol until college, and I've never smoke a cigarette. I have had some really frank discussions with my kids about drugs and alcohol already, and they are only 3 and 6.

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

How did you get a hold of the alcohol?

 

I don't think homeschooling is an automatic better protection, but at this point I always know where my 11 year old is and he is always supervised. I just wonder why an 11 year old is spending so much time without anyone paying attention. But maybe I'm totally naive or haven't thought of an angle.

 

 

I was at boarding school. I did not have parental supervision though we were supposedly monitored all the time. I got alcohol from older kids. By the time I was 15, I was sneaking out of my second story dorm room, carefully maneuvering along a ledge to the fire escape and out to drink. I shudder to think now about how I made the return trip while under the influence.

 

My brother got drugs from a friend who would come by every few months (not homeschooled). He did drugs in his bedroom at night.

 

BTW - I don't think either my dd or ds have ever tried drugs or alcohol but they are not with me 100% of the time and go to visit friends who have varying levels of supervision at their homes.

[Crimson Wife]

I don't have kids that old yet. Generally speaking, where do 15-year-olds go to do the drugs? I'm assuming if they're at school or an activity, they are at least somewhat supervised. So, where does the drug-taking happen?

 

 

For a while, I used to cover for my high school classmates when they went out partying. My parents were very protective and always made sure to talk to the other parents when I was invited to spend the night at a girlfriend's house to verify proper supervision. However, this type of verification was rare. Most parents just took their kids' words as to where they would be. So people would claim to be spending the night at my house but would actually be at a party somewhere else.

 

I stopped doing it when one girl wound up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning :eek: My parents punished me BIG TIME when they found out I was lying (as well they should have) but I had already gotten scared. As stupid as it sounds now, I hadn't ever really thought through the potential downsides to what I was doing. Yeah, teenagers don't always have the best judgment :blushing:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I know of two homeschooled teens (many years ago) who got into trouble while their mom took younger siblings to co-op. Being alone led to boredom which led to stealing some alcohol from a neighbor. . . this went on for some time before they were caught.

[Joanne]

Of course. The question, from a science standpoint, is like asking:

1. Do homeschooled kids get cancer?
   
2. Do homeschooled kids get diabetes?
   
3. Do homeschooled kids get heart disease?
   

Addiction is an illness; not a flaw, character defect, or indication of quality of parenting.

[Joanne]

I have addiction in my family, so I worry about this too. From what I have seen, in addition to the genetics, alot of it has to do with association. If parents are guarding the association (mind you, not just sheltering, but also providing the right kinds of association) I think that's a huge factor.

 

They say the genetics is also usually "triggered" by certain other factors (family environment, peer group, etc). I may not be able to do anything about the genetics, but I can do the best I can to keep anything from being triggered.

 

Trauma, and other *correlating* issues make the person more vulnerable from a statistical standpoint. The only thing that triggers addiction, however, is chemical use.

 

Adding:

 

The process of substance abuse to addiction happens more quickly in the adolescent brain. If an adult who is predisposed starts using after age 20, it can take more than 10 years for that person to progress into addiction.

 

Chemical use impacts the teen brain more profoundly and at an accelerated rate due to the fact that the brain is still developing, and is literally more vulnerable. Also, the last part of the brain to develop is the part of the brain that drives decision making - and teens are known - biologically - for making risky decisions and like things that contribute to the feel good limbic system. That is where alcohol and other drugs produce the desired effect.

[Crimson Wife]

Of course. The question, from a science standpoint, is like asking:

1. Do homeschooled kids get cancer?
    
   
2. Do homeschooled kids get diabetes?
    
   
3. Do homeschooled kids get heart disease?
   

Addiction is an illness; not a flaw, character defect, or indication of quality of parenting.

 

This is insulting to people who get cancer, diabetes, or heart disease despite making good lifestyle choices. Someone may very well have a biological predisposition to getting addicted, but it still requires that individual CHOOSING to consume alcohol or drugs. A better analogy would be a smoker getting lung cancer or a junk food eater getting Type 2 diabetes. It *IS* a character flaw, even if certain people are more biologically predisposed to it than others.

[elegantlion]

 

This is insulting to people who get cancer, diabetes, or heart disease despite making good lifestyle choices. Someone may very well have a biological predisposition to getting addicted, but it still requires that individual CHOOSING to consume alcohol or drugs. A better analogy would be a smoker getting lung cancer or a junk food eater getting Type 2 diabetes. It *IS* a character flaw, even if certain people are more biologically predisposed to it than others.

 

As a cancer survivor and the loved one of someone who battles addiction, I disagree. I've been through this conflict in my head a million times and discussed that specific issue with Joanne. The consequences and repercussions of addiction are more far-reaching and hurtful than someone with cancer or diabetes, but many of disease issues are the same. I can't explain the technical stuff, Joanne is much better than that. But it is not always a character flaw.

[Joanne]

 

This is insulting to people who get cancer, diabetes, or heart disease despite making good lifestyle choices. Someone may very well have a biological predisposition to getting addicted, but it still requires that individual CHOOSING to consume alcohol or drugs. A better analogy would be a smoker getting lung cancer or a junk food eater getting Type 2 diabetes. It *IS* a character flaw, even if certain people are more biologically predisposed to it than others.

 

No, it is not insulting at all. Addiction is a biological process, a physiological process. An illness. Just like the diseases I listed.

 

Those diseases also have behavioral, lifestyle, and even thinking (cognitive) changes necessary for the best outcome.

 

The diseases I listed have co-factors that involve lifestyle choices. The only difference is the stigma and assumptions and myths around addiction, which is why you think I've insulted the people with other diseases.

[Joanne]

 

As a cancer survivor and the loved one of someone who battles addiction, I disagree. I've been through this conflict in my head a million times and discussed that specific issue with Joanne. The consequences and repercussions of addiction are more far-reaching and hurtful than someone with cancer or diabetes, but many of disease issues are the same. I can't explain the technical stuff, Joanne is much better than that. But it is not always a character flaw.

 

It never starts as a character flaw. Character flaws may be developed or exacerbated as the need for the substance grows, and the consequences of the illness mount.

[Mrs Mungo]

Where wealth makes a difference is parents often have the money to bail their kids out or pay for a good rehab if need be. Poor kids don't get bailed out and often don't get the help they need.

 

I don't know that I agree with this. My dh has dealt with a LOT of troubled young people over the years. Some of the *worst* were those who had always been bailed out. DH had to call one dad and say, "STOP sending your daughter money. She is ONLY using it to buy drugs. STOP." And her dad was a prominent drug and alcohol counselor, for the record.

[Jennifer3141]

I can think of several character flaws off the top of my head that are a heck of a lot worse than a predilection for addiction...

[goldberry]

 

The process of substance abuse to addiction happens more quickly in the adolescent brain. If an adult who is predisposed starts using after age 20, it can take more than 10 years for that person to progress into addiction.

.

 

That's interesting...I would have thought that but didn't know it was actually proven.

[J-rap]

I would like to believe that because homeschooled kids are less likely to be left alone, and because they spend more time with good role models (their parents), they are less likely to become addicted to drugs or alcohol as teens.

[butterflymommy]

My opinion, having known some HSing families and from stuff I've read in the news, is that HSed teens might be less likely to get into trouble, depending on their peer group, but are probably as likely to find trouble as your average person once out in the real world (say 20s on up).

 

That serial killer who committed suicide in an Alaska prison had been homeschooled (maybe even his whole life/) and I believe he was an alcoholic. One of the biggest pot heads I've ever encountered was HSed his whole life. And I know a HSing family where one of the children had serious legal problems as a teen.

[Joanne]

I would like to believe that because homeschooled kids are less likely to be left alone, and because they spend more time with good role models (their parents), they are less likely to become addicted to drugs or alcohol as teens.

 

The bold is what might be significant, from a statistical standpoint.

 

Role models, not so much. Role models don't change chemistry, and the role assertion assumes no addiction. It's perfectly possible to be a homeschooling family with addiction in parents.

 

But supervision and access, yes.

[Mom-ninja.]

Explain how cancer and diabetes have life style choice co-factors. I know that some types do but not all. I can't think of a life style choice factor for diabetes type 1, nor can I think of one that would contribute to my neighbor's ds who got lymphoma at age 7.

[Joanne]

Explain how cancer and diabetes have life style choice co-factors. I know that some types do but not all. I can't think of a life style choice factor for diabetes type 1, nor can I think of one that would contribute to my neighbor's ds who got lymphoma at age 7.

 

Obviously for Type I and many cancers, there are not lifestyle choices. But Type II and many cancers? Yes.

 

But for most (nearly ALL) diseases to be treated, lifestyle, cognitive and behavioral changes are needed for the best outcome. It's no different for the disease of addiction.

 

The relapse rate is similar, too.

[Mom-ninja.]

Maybe the question should be what are the stats of homeschooled kids/teens of using drugs and alcohol? As it's the use of it that could trigger the addiction.

[Joanne]

Maybe the question should be what are the stats of homeschooled kids/teens of using drugs and alcohol? As it's the use of it that could trigger the addiction.

 

Fair enough.

[Retired]

I think the best you can do is keep talking with your children and have a open honest relationship. My sons came to me when one of the boys at church coop started ussing the pastor computer and showing all the boys porn. My youngest is struggling because of that exposure. My other son was offered pot by one of the boys at church. There is no sheltering you kid from the stuff. My kids from a young age have been told why it bad and given real life examples from my teen years. They've come and told me about all their exposures.

 

I didn't have that kind of relationship with my parents. They never connected with me it was always a relationship of you do this or that its a sin your going to hell etc. It really set me up for wanting to not be like them. I thought anything like alcohol was fun. I drank heavy but didn't like pot and turned away from coke.

 

I was able to quit cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. I was lucky!!!

 

Today I saw a good friend from my drinking years. He and I started drinking about the same time. He went onto drugs and has been in and out of jail since age of 19. We haven't seen each other in years. He and I were visiting with parents for Easter service. I remember he use to get high before church. We would sit on the back pew together. He came in late haven't seen him in 20 years but I saw his mannerism and it was like walking back in time. I went up to him after church and ask him what he had did that morning drugs or alcohol. He looked so suprised that after all these year I seem to be the only one that could call him out. He has only been out of jail 18 months and he will end up back. I hate to see it. He and I are both 43 and he looks sooo bad.

 

I just thinking the whole time thank God I was able to quit.

[Mom-ninja.]

So Joanne, what are the recommendations (if any) for precautions if addiction runs in the family? Should a child/teen (since this is when the brain is most vulnerable) avoid all alcohol/drugs completely? What about prescription drugs? Should those be used with extra caution?

[Joanne]

So Joanne, what are the recommendations (if any) for precautions if addiction runs in the family? Should a child/teen (since this is when the brain is most vulnerable) avoid all alcohol/drugs completely? What about prescription drugs? Should those be used with extra caution?

 

A predisposed brain is always vulnerable, but the process of addiction moves more quickly in an adolescent. Early "first use" is correlated with addiction.

 

Yes, avoiding drugs/alcohol is the best option. (Please note that I am not anti drugs or alcohol, I believe marijuana should be legal, and I believe that recreational use of reacreational drugs exists). BUT, if you have the pre-existing disease, the one that will react to alcohol/other drugs with a physiological need for MORE, you will not be able to learn to use in moderation.

 

Yes, Rx drugs should be used with caution, and some of them are inherently addictive (whereas alcohol and marijuana and others) are not.

 

It's a myth that you can "model" responsible use and in that way prevent or mitigate the risk of addiction. Because a moderate, recreational user doesn't have the same physical reaction to the alcohol/other drugs.

[elegantlion]

So Joanne, what are the recommendations (if any) for precautions if addiction runs in the family? Should a child/teen (since this is when the brain is most vulnerable) avoid all alcohol/drugs completely? What about prescription drugs? Should those be used with extra caution?

 

I'm curious about this as well, especially the prescription stuff. My concern is that you just don't know. At this point ds rarely takes ibuprofen and has been on antibiotics only twice in his lifetime. Also, do those addictive issues roll over to other vices as well? Gambling, eating, shopping, gaming, etc. I assume people can become addicted to many things, but do those fulfill the role for addictive personality? Can that "high" be obtained through more positive outlets?

 

asked as the same time she was answering, thanks Joanne.

[LucyStoner]

Also, do those addictive issues roll over to other vices as well? Gambling, eating, shopping, gaming, etc. I assume people can become addicted to many things, but do those fulfill the role for addictive personality? Can that "high" be obtained through more positive outlets?

 

 

Plenty of positive or seemingly innocuous things can be detrimental to an addicted person's life if those things become the addiction. Exercise. Food or Dieting. Working. All can cause physical issues, emotional and physical highs and lows, loss of family members etc. Addictive behavior is not a positive. I've never been addicted to legal or illegal drugs or alcohol, but I have dealt with a pretty damaging addiction most would assume couldn't be "all the bad." Addictions come in all forms.

[Joanne]

I'm curious about this as well, especially the prescription stuff. My concern is that you just don't know. At this point ds rarely takes ibuprofen and has been on antibiotics only twice in his lifetime. Also, do those addictive issues roll over to other vices as well? Gambling, eating, shopping, gaming, etc. I assume people can become addicted to many things, but do those fulfill the role for addictive personality? Can that "high" be obtained through more positive outlets?

 

asked as the same time she was answering, thanks Joanne.

 

 

The biggest prediction of a process addiction is the presence of a chemical one.

 

It is statistically common for chemically addicted persons to develop a process addiction also, and some of those are predictable such as stimulant use/sexual addiction.

 

it is very common for newly abstinent addicts to develop (or exacerbate an existing) process addiction. This is because in the space between abstinence and recovery/healing, the addict's brain needs the chemical fix.

 

The "joke" I ask my client is "what do clients in residential rehab do?

 

The answer is "Each other".

 

Until our brain is intervented on with a multitude of healing mechanisms, we are at risk for relapse or process addictions.

 

Process addictions have a chemical component, and are also a brain issue. They are in some ways more complicated to treat, especially if the process is not optional such as eating, sex, spending money.

 

I don't believe in an "addictive personality" but I "get" what people mean when they say it.

[Butter]

I was homeschooled. I know lots of people who were homeschooled. They got into trouble just like any other kid. Homeschooling MAY help prevent problems, but maybe not.

[Chris in VA]

Homeschooling might have made a difference for my son--but he'd still have gone to church with the kids that introduced him to drugs. Should I have kept him home from that?

[butterflymommy]

Explain how cancer and diabetes have life style choice co-factors. I know that some types do but not all. I can't think of a life style choice factor for diabetes type 1, nor can I think of one that would contribute to my neighbor's ds who got lymphoma at age 7.

 

 

I believe breastfeeding is thought to be preventative against various childhood cancers. Obviously this isn't a lifestyle choice for the child but it is a choice of the mother (unless she physically can't breastfeed). There may also be epigenetic events associated with childhood cancers which may or may not be influenced by the mother's lifestyle choices.

 

As far as diabetes, I believe the poster originally referencing diabetes was thinking of type II which is associated with diet choices.

 

I do believe addiction has a huge genetic component. Some people have the "bug" and some people don't. This doesn't mean that all people genetically predisposed to addiction will be addicted or that someone not predisposed to it can't be addicted.

 

I have a history of substance abuse in my family so I've always avoided drugs and alcohol like the plague, and have told my kids to do so for the same reasons (that they may be genetically predisposed to addiction).

 

But, that doesn't mean there is no choice involved. It's a balance between predisposition and choice. In fact, people are probably genetically predisposed to overeating as obesity is though to be 70%+ genetic from the results of twin studies. Also, people who are obese tend to have very high "fullness" thresholds or triggers and are less sensitive to the taste of fat.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

No, no protection if the child really is drawn to that type of thing. I have 3 sons, 1 of which has been drawn to smoking, drinking, drugs and you name it from little on. I would see how it fascinated he was if my husband had beer/wine with dinner so much so that we stopped having it in our house. Husband and I do not smoke and the people we know do not smoke but this son was interested in it from a young age. He picked the seedy looking/acting friends. He got into drugs. Homeschooling did not protect this child, you wanted those things and he went for them.

[NotSoObvious]

I'm my circle, money and lack of supervision contributed to drug use in kids who would otherwise not have been exposed (safe neighborhoods/families).

For us, homeschooling allows an escape from the typical peer pressure felt at this age, which is a start.

[AnIslandGirl]

I say this lightly... like as in a whisper of a thought.

Many people homeschool because they like the philosophy and it it just feels right, but many people homeschool after the PS doesn't work for various reasons (low self esteem due to bullying, LD, autism, depression, OCD etc.) Sometimes it is these underlying problems that cause an individual to seek out "mood-enhancing" drugs or alcohol. Not necessarily the product of a homeschool environment, but just a chemical problem in the individual.

There are certainly plenty of children that remain in PS with to these type of problems and they too may develop addiction issues but it does affect the balance or percentage of h/s children with underlying issues.

 

I don't mean for this to be offensive, just an observation of sorts.

[hillfarm]

I think that homescholing helps, but only in terms of near constant supervision while the kids are younger and limited access to others who may be using drugs or alcohol since we are exposed to fewer people in general.

 

However, as children age, that constant supervision becomes as much of a hinderance to developing a strong, self-sufficient personality as the drugs or alcohol would be. And simultaneously, it becomes more and more impractical to monitor the child 24/7.

 

I don't think you can block an person who is chemically prone to addiction from their genetic nature, but I do believe you can work hard to educate the child from K forward to the negative effects of addiction, sadly, examples abound. You can also help them learn how to be as independent as possible and not seek their self worth through joining in behaviors they know are risky. Just as with so many other things, I believe the answer is not in sheltering a child, but in diligently introducing them to age appropriate information as they mature.

 

Because the fact is that when they are teens, you will not be able to supervise them round the clock, nor would it be healthy for you to try to do so. IMO, sheltering often leads to being totally unequipped when faced with the "demon". Education at least helps to reduce the fun, shock sensation and tiny bits of consequence information may have actually gotten through enough to stick and be a part of the teen's decision making process.

 

We have warned dd that one side of our family seems very prone to addictive behavior. We have talked to her about the consequences of addiction since she was quite young. (We kind of had to, when Cousin X passed out into her plate at Christmas dinner-she is addicted to prescription drugs.) We have not been able to shelter her from all addicted people and she has been able to see the impact first hand. Obviously, we have sheltered her from anyone we felt was a danger to her safety, but to have any contact at all with that side of the family, she would have been exposed to addicts and alcoholics.

 

My next big push, now that dd is 14yo, will be to really work with her to learn good, healthy coping mechanisms. IMO (Joanne, please correct me if I am wrong), many kids turn to drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism. The teen years are full of drama. I am working to help dd identify what is a tempest in a teapot and what is real, true turmoil and how to deal with both.

[MBM]

I would suggest reading about the theories of biology and addiction.

Like Joanne said, teen brains are going through a tremendous change from about the early teens until the mid-20s. This is a period of massive neural growth and pruning which shifts their brains from an emotional to a more logical basis (I'm not really saying that the right way but it's the best I can do for now). Areas that were once strong are pruned while other areas are being physically built up. The whole process is messy and happens in fits and spurts.

While this is happening (and because of it), many teens feel naturally depressed -- it has a biological and chemical basis -- and so they seek ways to feel better. As a parent, you can help them find healthy ways to do this. The very best way is to meditate and the numerous brain scan studies have proven this. (Different types of meditation have different affects on the brain.) Exercise is also helpful. Helping others is another way. Eating at least some of your meals Italian-style (together as a family) is yet another. Teens want to be heard, and as parents we need to listen empathetically while gently guiding them.

So first, read as much as you can, then educate your children. If they know that their feelings are normal and that they can make themselves feel better in healthy ways, that can make your job easier. My youngest is a teen and to ward off depression, he meditates 10" per day (guided focus meditation) and runs about 5 miles per day. Sleep and friendship are also important.

To get you started, I'd recommend reading the following (books are linked to Amazon):

http://teenbrain.dru...nce/growth.html (brief overview, some of the claims are not yet proven)
The Emotional Life of Your Brain by Richard Davidson and Sharon Begley -- the best book I've read on brain scan studies
Mindsight by Dan Siegel
Spark by John Ratey -- how exercise affects the brain

Teens need a lot of compassion. Understanding what they're experiencing and why can be very helpful while you're guiding them.

Btw, about one-third of the kids at my son's high school use drugs, fwiw.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I'm my circle, money and lack of supervision contributed to drug use in kids who would otherwise not have been exposed (safe neighborhoods/families).

For us, homeschooling allows an escape from the typical peer pressure felt at this age, which is a start.

I know you said in your circle, but want to point out that unless you are inclined to watch a teen 24/7, even in the most safest of neighborhoods...if they want to pursue the negative things they will find a way.

[TravelingChris]

Dh and I have non addictive personalities. I do use this term since I see alcohol as simply one of the addictive things and what both dh and I have seen is siblings who are addicted to one were addictive from childhood-= no self regulation. So yes, it is on both sides but neither parent has it so I think that is a better chance. A) we didn't model addictions B) we ourselves didn't have the gene expressed.