Son's comment really upset me tonight

[DragonFaerie]

But how is the OP's husband teaching their ds common courtesy, when he's refusing to share his pizza with the kid?

 

Common courtesy goes both ways. You can't teach it if you don't model the behavior yourself.

 

 

 

Then where does it stop? You don't want to teach the kid that someone is automatically obligated to share whatever they have with him nor that he is automatically obligated to share everything he has with everyone else. To my mind, that "if you have it, you must share it with me" can create the overblown sense of entitlement that so many people seem to have these days.

[Catwoman]

 

Well, to be fair, she didn't really say in the original post what she or her DH actually DID - was it elaborated on further and I missed it?

 

 

I figured that if there was a tantrum involved, and as a result the kid wouldn't be getting the day off from school today as a result, he probably didn't get any of the pizza.

 

But you're right, she didn't mention it.

[I.Dup.]

 

Then where does it stop? You don't want to teach the kid that someone is automatically obligated to share whatever they have with him nor that he is automatically obligated to share everything he has with everyone else. To my mind, that "if you have it, you must share it with me" can create the overblown sense of entitlement that so many people seem to have these days.

 

 

yeah, I agree. I think it's pretty overboard to say that parents shouldn't even eat if they can't share with their (sleeping, or should be sleeping) children. Are parents/adults not entitled to ANY extra privileges than their children get? lol...I didn't get if he was making the pizza right in front of them, even if he was, that was a simple mistake on his part. He could have waited a bit, but then they might have still smelled it?

[PachiSusan]

 

I figured that if there was a tantrum involved, and as a result the kid wouldn't be getting the day off from school today as a result, he probably didn't get any of the pizza.

 

But you're right, she didn't mention it.

 

 

:)

 

Perhaps DH DID give him the Pizza and that's why OP is mad.

 

Perhaps DH went ballistic

 

Perhaps OP gave Pizza to the kid and said, "BUt no day off for YOU tomorrow..."

 

Perhaps DS came out and threw DH's pizza on the floor

 

Fill in the blank - make it a game!!!!

 

 

 

Inference is fun, isn't it? :laugh:

[SKL]

But how is the OP's husband teaching their ds common courtesy, when he's refusing to share his pizza with the kid?

 

Common courtesy goes both ways. You can't teach it if you don't model the behavior yourself.

 

There needs to be a balance between being allowed to eat in one's own house when hungry and being careful not to upset one's kids' fair-meter. ... Personally I almost never let my kids eat before bed, for a variety of reasons. Just because I'm hungry doesn't mean my kids need to eat whatever I'm having. I try to plan better but if I'm starving at my kids' bedtime, I'm gonna eat and they are not.

[Catwoman]

Come on, people, we're talking about PIZZA here... not just some ordinary mortal food.

 

Pizza is a Super-Food, and as such, deserves special rules and consideration. :D

[PachiSusan]

Come on, people, we're talking about PIZZA here... not just some ordinary mortal food.

 

Pizza is a Super-Food, and as such, deserves special rules and consideration. :D

 

 

Oh gosh yes...

 

"ding dong...pizza's here!!!!!!"

[Julie in CA]

Come on, people, we're talking about PIZZA here... not just some ordinary mortal food.

 

Pizza is a Super-Food, and as such, deserves special rules and consideration. :D

 

Truly, in order to adequately respond to this, I'd need to know if the pizza was even tantrum-worthy. :D :cheers2:

[DragonFaerie]

Come on, people, we're talking about PIZZA here... not just some ordinary mortal food.

 

Pizza is a Super-Food, and as such, deserves special rules and consideration. :D

 

 

Oh, see. There's the difference. Pizza is not a big deal here. Every Friday night is pizza night! LOL

[Catwoman]

Truly, in order to adequately respond to this, I'd need to know if the pizza was even tantrum-worthy. :D :cheers2:

 

 

That is an excellent point.

 

For all we know, it was some sort of soggy store brand frozen thing with fake cheese on it or something. :ack2:

 

Clearly, we need more information. :D

 

And samples.

[stripe]

My thinking is a little different. I wouldn't outright deny a snack or explain why I'm entitled to a snack, but I would ask if the child is still hungry even after eating his dinner.

 

I agree.

 

And my husband would never, ever eat something and refuse to share it, so I don't understand that angle either. I would have cut the kid a slice. Honestly. I used to hate sharing my food with my kids, but my husband has helped me get over that. It's a cultural and religious thing for him: eating in front of others without sharing is one of the most offensive things imaginable.

 

Then again, one could always whip up some pancakes. ;)

[MissKNG]

This post is reminding me of the time my then-5yo dd complained, "I have to do all the work around here." What triggered this lament was that I asked her to pick up something she had left on the floor. LOL. It totally isn't fair!

 

 

OH MY GOSH!! I get this from my small girl all the time!! LOL

[PachiSusan]

That is an excellent point.

 

For all we know, it was some sort of soggy store brand frozen thing with fake cheese on it or something. :ack2:

 

Clearly, we need more information. :D

 

 

All I can hear is Vizzini in the Princess Bride:

 

"Clearly I can't drink the poison in front of me..."

[I.Dup.]

OH MY GOSH!! I get this from my small girl all the time!! LOL

 

 

My 6yo used to ask me "why do you treat us like SLAVES?!" once I started them on chores. Ha! So overly dramatic. He is required to pick up the living room (there is usually about 10 toys he must pick up). Slaves, my a**.

[PachiSusan]

 

My 6yo used to ask me "why do you treat us like SLAVES?!" once I started them on chores. Ha! So overly dramatic. He is required to pick up the living room (there is usually about 10 toys he must pick up. Slaves, my a**.

 

 

OOOOOOH. Melissa pulled that slave comment on me ONCE. (I'm not your slave!!!!)

 

I was so angry that I actually told her the entire story of slaves and had her read a book about the underground railroad in school the next day. I was a mad woman. LMAO

 

I told her, "Are you sure you want to belittle the pain of REAL slavery by saying your life even in some slight way resembles theirs?????"

 

She has never said it again.

[Catwoman]

My 6yo used to ask me "why do you treat us like SLAVES?!" once I started them on chores. Ha! So overly dramatic. He is required to pick up the living room (there is usually about 10 toys he must pick up). Slaves, my a**.

 

 

Well, it's your own fault for sitting there on the sofa eating pizza in front of him while you make him clean the living room! :eek:

 

;) ;) ;) ;)

[zoobie]

I'm on my phone and can't tell how old OP's DS is. It sounds like everyone had a rough day. When my kids are D O N E too, they tend to have tantrums over stupid stuff that normally doesn't phase them. OP, I'm sorry you had a craptacular day and hope today is better.

 

When someone whines about wanting something, we go into our best Veruca Salt imitation. "I want an Oompa Loompa!" :)

[elegantlion]

I think it would depend on the age of the child. Are they hungry or did they just want pizza. Heck, at 15, ds is often scrounging in the kitchen long after I've gone to bed. He's growing and wants to eat all the time at this age.

 

Under age 10, I think we'd probably let them stay up and share a slice once in a while. Pizza is its own food group, right? Heck, dh used to work so late that he and ds would stay up and have snacks together after I had gone to bed

[PachiSusan]

I think it would depend on the age of the child. Are they hungry or did they just want pizza. Heck, at 15, ds is often scrounging in the kitchen long after I've gone to bed. He's growing and wants to eat all the time at this age.

 

Under age 10, I think we'd probably let them stay up and share a slice once in a while. Pizza is its own food group, right? Heck, dh used to work so late that he and ds would stay up and have snacks together after I had gone to bed

 

 

We had bagels with peanut butter and jelly together a few nights ago while watching "Enterprise"!

[SKL]

If I were not allowed to eat pizza after my kids' bedtime without sharing, I would never eat pizza after 8pm. (Not that I have ever done that since they were born, but assuming I wanted to.) I don't think adults should be "not allowed" to do xyz because their kids might get an attitude about it. I think it's more about weighing the feelings of each person. And genuine hunger (of Dad) is a feeling too. That said, I tend to agree that pizza is more of a taunt than most foods. Many a kid would at least furrow his brow over the smell of pizza seeping in after bedtime.

[SKL]

As for the slave labor thing - my kid has made that "cute" comment as well. Smarta$$. I just say that is disrespectful to their mother. They know I mean business when I say that.

[gardenmom5]

Ah, I remember those days when my kids where young! And I remember the cries of "that's not fair!"

My friend's mother always responded "life's not fair, and you don't want it to be." (re: you've got it good kid. stop complaining.)

[Impish]

Well, that does it.

 

Since I can't eat pizza (I've yet to find a GF one that is even close to being worth what they charge for it), nobody in my family is allowed pizza anymore.

 

They don't even wait til I'm in bed, they eat it for supper! :glare:

[gardenmom5]

I responded earlier, but to give a "very thoughtful" answer does require more information. I was under the impression the child didn't want to go to bed, and wasn't hungry - just wanted pizza. I don't have a problem with bedtime snacks - but dudeling has *a bedtime* and it is reasonably enforced. it's rare he gets to stay up past his bedtime to eat something yummy. (if he wants the yummy - he can eat it earlier, or wait until the next day as I'm willing to save him things.)

[laundrycrisis]

I am absolutely not sharing everything with whoever wants it. No, no, no !!!! And I don't expect our kids to either. There are occasions when sharing is what is socially expected. And there are occasions when it is inappropriate to expect anyone to share. This is real life.

 

I also don't let the kids make the rules around here. They don't get to tell me what I can and can't have or do after they have been sent to bed. I can have and do what I want after they are in bed !! And the next day, I'll still be up early, living up to my responsibilities around here, whether I feel like it or not (see my previous post). So it all evens out.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Truly, in order to adequately respond to this, I'd need to know if the pizza was even tantrum-worthy. :D :cheers2:

Oh, see. There's the difference. Pizza is not a big deal here. Every Friday night is pizza night! LOL

 

LOL. My thoughts are basically that if pizza is a tantrum-worthy treat, pizza is too rarely offered. That, naturally, would be the real problem. :lol: I love pizza...er, I mean movie night here. But my kids are so sick of pizza that they now request the Greek salad I get...or Chinese... I do like a night off from cooking though, and we could sneak a pizza without risking kid fury.

 

Otherwise I fall into the camp of it being kind to share but adults have earned special privileges because they pay the mortgage, clean up puke, drive people to lessons, etc. My bottom line, however, is that tantrums quickly eliminate all but your most basic human rights.

 

My 6yo used to ask me "why do you treat us like SLAVES?!" once I started them on chores. Ha! So overly dramatic. He is required to pick up the living room (there is usually about 10 toys he must pick up). Slaves, my a**.

 

My sister and I used to gripe that our parents only had us to be "Salad Slaves." For real. :lol: We had a salad every single day of my life. Seriously. And from the time we were old enough to make the salad, we were the ones making the salad. We used to BEG, "Can I please just make a salad plate tonight?! Pleeeaaaassse?!" The Salad Plate was a rarely allowed salad variation, eliminating only the lettuce chopping (the most heinous part of salad-making, naturally, before the invention of bagged greens and salad spinners).

 

To this day, my parents do not deny that we were Salad Slaves. We would seek reparations but for the fact that we are pretty happy to have had the daily salad habit instilled in us. My kids are just beginning to reach statutory Salad Slave age. I am stoked! I will be more benevolent than my own parents and allow a salad plate once per week.

[Snickerdoodle]

What's a salad plate?

 

For the OP, the truth is that treats are often unequally distributed in the short term but it should average out more-or-less in the long term.

[RoundAbout]

I can't imagine my DS tantruming about a food item, but if he caught us in the act I would offer to save him a bite for morning. I know I'm often annoyed if DH stops for Starbucks or In-N-Out and doesn't bring something home to share. I wouldn't expect my DS to feel any less slighted.

[happymomofboys]

1) My husband is my children's father. He decides the rules they must follow, not the other way around.

 

2) When they buy the food, they can decide who eats what, how much, and when. Until then, they get what they get and they don't throw a fit.

[KrissiK]

I would have replied with something along the lines of "When you are grown up, you can stay up late and have pizza, for now you are a kid, you have been fed, and it's past your bedtime." There are different rules for kids and adults. It doesn't hurt them to learn that.

I agree with this. T

I try not to have too many treats that the kids don't get, but still... there are privileges that go with responsibilities. Parents have a lot of responsibility, running the household, earning a living, protecting and providing for the family, etc. etc. and there are perks and privileges that go with that. I feel the same way about cars and teens. Sure, Dad (or mom, just to be equal) may have a nice sports car, but that doesn't mean 16 year old boy should have one. 16 year old boy hasn't worked to get to "get there" yet. If a teen needs a car and parents want to get him one, then an old, but reliable "family car" should be fine to get from here to there. There is a sense of entitlement going around where young people feel like they should be able to start out in the same position that their parents took 15-20 years to get to, whether it is a house, a car or a job position.

[Alte Veste Academy]

What's a salad plate?

 

A salad without lettuce, artfully arranged. :tongue_smilie: It was basically a veggie/relish tray.

[Catwoman]

1) My husband is my children's father. He decides the rules they must follow, not the other way around.

 

2) When they buy the food, they can decide who eats what, how much, and when. Until then, they get what they get and they don't throw a fit.

 

 

Seriously? :confused:

 

They don't have any choice about when, what, or how much they eat? And "they get what they get?" Don't you consider their preferences?

[Tammi K]

Personally, I couldn't get past the 'banging on furniture mad' part. Wow, I don't really care what the issue is, but any child beyond the age of toddlerhood who decided to be 'bang on furniture mad' would have far more serious issues to deal with than just not getting a pizza snack.

[elegantlion]

I was kind of miffed. Ds said he didn't want pizza for dinner. I really wanted one, but shouldn't be eating the gluten. I would have bought one at the store if he said yes. Hm, now I guess I have to cook something.

[Laurie4b]

 

So I guess your DS would be really, really angry with me when I crack open a pint of Ben & Jerry's after he goes to bed!

 

Seriously, I agree it's a total "kid thing" to think and say. I would be annoyed but explain that when he gets old enough, he can have late night snacks too. Until then, be thankful of what he has and go back to bed.

 

Of course the aroma of ice cream does not waft through the house like pizza would!

[Brilliant]

 

 

Of course the aroma of ice cream does not waft through the house like pizza would!

 

Yes, some foods are much easier to eat in secret.

 

I miss my walk-in pantry. So many opportunities...

[PachiSusan]

Yes, some foods are much easier to eat in secret.

 

I miss my walk-in pantry. So many opportunities...

 

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

 

Drive thrus are great to do before you ever get home...

[Karen in CO]

Goodness. I read all these responses. I just have a couple of thoughts. I come from a long-line of people that consider feeding people a primal need. I could never deny food to a person, nor could I ever not share something I was eating. My kids have woken up while I was enjoying a show and a snack after their bedtime. I have always offered them some. I just can't help it. However, my kids won't tell me or anyone else that something isn't "fair." Our family saying is that "life isn't fair; it's a circus." They also know that they are privileged to live in a safe place with a roof over their heads, plenty of food to eat and a loving family because it is far more than many children have or could even dream to have.

 

I hear the frustration in the OP and wish her peace.

[MooCow]

In-N-Out

Mmmmmm........now that's what a hamburger is all about! :drool5:

 

Miss. It. So. Bad.

[Luanne]

I wish the OP would come back on and tell us how old her son is, but there is no way a child of mine would get pizza after throwing a fit.

[PachiSusan]

Mmmmmm........now that's what a hamburger is all about! :drool5:

 

Miss. It. So. Bad.

 

They have some in Nevada now, so I'm good!!

[happymomofboys]

Seriously? :confused:

 

They don't have any choice about when, what, or how much they eat? And "they get what they get?" Don't you consider their preferences?

 

 

Of course I consider their preferences. I consider their preferences when I'm shopping or when I'm deciding what to cook. I also offer them choices when it's appropriate. If they don't like what I've offered, they are free to make a peanut butter sandwich. They are NOT free to throw a fit. I don't believe that bedtime is an appropriate time for them to have a choice about food. And they never get a say in when, what, or how much their parents eat.

[Catwoman]

I wish the OP would come back on and tell us how old her son is, but there is no way a child of mine would get pizza after throwing a fit.

 

 

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have thrown a fit if he'd gotten some pizza. ;)

[DragonFaerie]

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have thrown a fit if he'd gotten some pizza. ;)

 

 

Which totally sends the wrong message. Give the kid whatever he wants in order to keep him from throwing a fit? Nope. Not in my house.

[8circles]

OP, I'm sorry you had such an exhausting day - emotionally sounds like. I've been there. Sounds like your DS was also tired. You know, I don't "allow" my kids to throw fits but sometimes they do anyway. Even if you do all the right things all the time your kids don't always behave properly. They're kids. I hope you & your son have sufficiently recovered from that incident - I trust that you've done what you could to teach him a life lesson. Until the next time. :D

 

Carry on as best you can. :grouphug:

[Heidi]

Yeah, the tantrum wouldn't have gone over so well with me either. ZERO chance of getting pizza after that. I'd be so angry I wouldn't even be able to get out smart remarks about how life isn't fair.

 

Now, if a kid came out and asked nicely... they would totally get some pizza, even though they should be in bed.

[Kari C in SC]

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

I would also add to my child that having a temper tantrum and banging on the furniture is the absolute SUREST way to NOT get whatever it is that he wants. In fact, it's the fastest way to a grounding in my house. Now you have 2 seconds to straighten up, apologize for your poor behavior, and get your fanny back up to bed.

 

I always say the surest way to get nothing is to whine. FWIW... If my dh wanted pizza at whatever time of the day, I would not expect to answer to our children. After all, he got out of his bed at 5:30 this morning - 4 hours before our kids. He put in a 10 hour day, while we maybe went to the zoo, the park a movie or had fast food. Seriously, I would tell my kid to get his behind to bed fast before he really had something to be upset about.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Kari, that's kind of my frame of reference, too. I was taking it as read that of course the child did go to bed with a full belly and was not actually hungry (this after a full day of excellent care from Mom), whereas the working man probably was both wanting and needing to eat.

 

It's not "refusing food to a hungry person" if you've properly fed your child all day and put him to bed, but then allowed someone other than him to eat in your kitchen without getting him up and serving him a second supper. Especially when that someone is his own father who provided all the meals for everyone and would just like a bite to eat, himself, that would be his supper, before falling into bed.

[Catwoman]

 

Which totally sends the wrong message. Give the kid whatever he wants in order to keep him from throwing a fit? Nope. Not in my house.

 

 

What I meant was, if he came out of his room and asked for some pizza and his dad gave him some, there would never have been any reason for a fit, so it would never have happened and the OP would never have even posted about it.

 

I didn't mean that the kid should have gotten pizza if he'd threatened to pitch a fit -- I just meant that if it had been my dh, he would have shared the pizza right from the beginning and there never would have been a problem.

 

I wouldn't have put up with any kind of Pizza Extortion, either! :)

[Catwoman]

Yeah, the tantrum wouldn't have gone over so well with me either. ZERO chance of getting pizza after that. I'd be so angry I wouldn't even be able to get out smart remarks about how life isn't fair.

 

Now, if a kid came out and asked nicely... they would totally get some pizza, even though they should be in bed.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I agree completely.