What do you say when people make "off" remarks about homeschooling?

[claluck]

Okay first a back story to explain the conversation. I pulled me boys out of school in 3rd and 4th grade. It was a personal choice and not a very popular one. My husband was 100% supportive with whatever my choice would have been. My husband is a speech pathologist at the schools. My mother in law and sister in law live 1 block away. One of them is a first grade teacher and the other is a middle school teacher. So we have ALOT of public school employees in our family. At first (last year) you could tell my inlaws didn't agree. They didn't openly appose but they avoided the topic. This year I find them more open with the idea. And I even overheard my sister in law defending my choice to another person once.

 

Today I went to pick up a bountiful basket and I saw one of my sister in laws co-workers at the school. She is friendly and we have had kids on the same soccer teams and such. She asked if I was still homeschooling and I replied in the affirmative. Then she started making comments about how she bets with all the school teachers in the family they make sure I am doing a good enough job. I don't think she was meaning to be offensive, but I just smiled and walked away. I felt like it was some sort of insult that without that I wouldn't be capable to teaching my kids well enough without all those teachers in the family.

 

I could have ranted to her about how much better off I feel my kids are now that we are homeschooling. How their school is on a state watch (ie being run by the state) for not passing AYP. How I manage to accomplish more in my school day in less time that they do at public school, such as consistently doing science and social studies, and giving them a greater range and depth in their study of literature. Or the fact that my 4th graders class had almost 40 kids in it and only one teacher and when I volunteered in his class and helped do the reading assessments only 2 of those children (one of them mind) could read at or above grade level. Argh. Sorry rant over.

 

Just wondering how you reply to those kind of comments. I really do not think she was trying to be rude but what she said was just off, imo.

[fraidycat]

You "replied" best by just smiling and walking away. No other opinion matters, anyway.

 

I had a few of those "off", not quite rude, but just...off comments with my recent houseguest. I just smiled, shrugged and moved on in the conversation. I feel no need to defend my choices for MY family to anyone else.

[NotSoObvious]

Just try to let it go.

 

The meat lady at Whole Foods made a comment like that to me once and now every time I get meat I secretly give her the death stare. I'm sure she has no memory of it.

 

You usually can't change the minds of people like that with one conversation, so don't waste your breath. (But you have my permission to give her an evil death stare the next time you see her!)

[briansmama]

That's great your in-laws are being supportive!

As for the naysayers...you'll probably hear things for a while because you are in proximity and have ties with lots of others who utilize the public school system. I'll bet that once others hear that homeschooling is working for your family and you're planning to stick with it, the comments will stop.

 

We enjoyed lots of support for years and almost never heard a negative comment about homeschooling- until we moved to a new town and neighborhood. I remember meeting a new neighbor for the first time at a neighborhood get-together and the second she heard we were homeschooling she launched into this whole diatribe about how she could never imagine homeschooling, and that she'd worry her kids would turn out stupid. I was literally shocked, and I'm sure my jaw dropped. We intentionally chose this town in part because of the large homeschooling community.

 

But now that we've been here for years no one ever says anything negative about homeschooling to us. In fact, that neighbor and I have become friends. She's just one of those people who says what she thinks. She's even asked me for recommendations for her ds who is having a tough time in the local public school (lack of motivation).

 

So, my point is, your decision to do something different can be met with criticism and off-hand remarks, but if you stay positive others will realize you're confident in your choice and stop questioning it or making remarks.

[Sameera]

Then she started making comments about how she bets with all the school teachers in the family they make sure I am doing a good enough job. I don't think she was meaning to be offensive, but I just smiled and walked away. I felt like it was some sort of insult that without that I wouldn't be capable to teaching my kids well enough without all those teachers in the family

 

I've had so many of these type of comments. I used to waste all of my precious time getting upset and wondering how I would respond. Nothing seemed to please people and some comments were even down right intimidating, intrusive, rude and insulting. I've tried explaining but there are always other things they bring up. Some people are just plain envious or ignorant. Nowadays I just keep away from giving any response as I try and keep busy with home educating - so much peace!

[grantmeawish]

Kind of had this happen to me tonight. I was at a party with friends and they were asking how homeschooling was going, and I said great. But then everyone went into a tirade about how they could never homeschool. One friend was homeschooled and said she would never do it and she is also a dance teacher and most of her students are homeschooled and are horrible and have no socialization skills. All I could say was, I think that is a discipline issue between the parents and kids and not homeschool. I think she then realized she might have offended me because then she said some of her favorite students were homeschooled. Her comments did bother me though. I know she wasn't being rude. She is very sweet. They bothered me because they make me question rather I am doing the right thing and will my kid me an unsocialized rude person. I don't think so. People always comment that my kids are well behaved, but it still bothered me. Its my first year homeschooling so maybe I am more susceptible to criticism.

[MinivanMom]

I was a public school teacher before I had kids, so I usually get some version of, "It's okay for you to homeschool, because you were a teacher," or, "You are one of the good homeschoolers." I usually just smile and change the subject. I understand why you are so annoyed. It's a compliment to you, but a slam on homeschooling in general. In your case, it's a compliment to your in-laws, while slamming on homeschooling. Honestly, it's not worth your time to say anything or to waste any emotion on the situation.

[duckens]

I think when people make comments like, "That's great you homeschool, but I could never do it," they are offering a compliment. They are acknowledging that you have skills (teaching + organization + goal setting + negotiation with kids + patience) that they are not confident of in themselves. At least, I've always taken it as a compliment.

 

.......Maybe I should be more offended......? :laugh:

 

People who talk about the one family that is "not well socialized" should look at the behavior of the kids in public school. Most are fine and polite young men and women....but the unsocialized ones are Reason #438 why we homeschool!

[Nscribe]

"It is great living out of the box."

[prairiewindmomma]

I would chalk it up to her being socially impaired, smile, and walk away. Not worth emotional energy!

[charcat13]

I had a lady (a public school teacher) ask me today, "What do you do when you don't understand the curriculum and what you're supposed to be teaching her?" I replied, "My oldest is in third grade. It's not that difficult."

 

 

[EmilyGF]

I used to live in a place where many many people homeschooled. Now I live in a place where I am (nearly) the only one. I get comments all the time.

 

I think a lot of people make comments because they are fearful and critiquing someone who is doing something different makes them feel better.

 

Sometimes I find it frustrating but I think my kids will get a better education if I am on my toes and not complacent. People who actually spend time with my children generally don't worry about us. :-)

 

Emily

[Harriet Vane]

I had a lady (a public school teacher) ask me today, "What do you do when you don't understand the curriculum and what you're supposed to be teaching her?" I replied, "My oldest is in third grade. It's not that difficult."

 

My oldest is in high school. I answer, "I figure it out or I find someone who knows more about the subject who can help her."

[claluck]

:o) I was feeling amazingly calm about it all. Especially considering this comment followed one about whether or not I am having twins again (I am 34 weeks pregnant). I just wondered if anyone have something witty they replied with. I have a few great ones I use when I get "twins" comments. Some of them I pull out for when people seem capable of taking a joke and some I just use other times.

 

Homeschooling in our community is rare. I know 2 other families. One lives on a ranch 25 miles out of town (we are actually pretty close with this family but we school similarly and have similar goals). The other family is just different than us and I don't click with them really. They don't school the same way we do. I know of only one other family, though I do not know them well. So yeah homeschooling is pretty rare. We are definitely the black sheep in the community. It doesn't bother me too much because I feel like I am making the best choice for MY family and am happy with it. I also LOVE homeschooling. I just sometimes wish I had smart replies to some of these comments. I love leaving behind confused/awed people.

 

Christina

[charcat13]

 

 

My oldest is in high school. I answer, "I figure it out or I find someone who knows more about the subject who can help her."

 

 

I would totally understand the question if my kids were high school age (and would likely share your answer). 8, 5, and 3? Not so much.

[Heidi]

:o) I was feeling amazingly calm about it all. Especially considering this comment followed one about whether or not I am having twins again (I am 34 weeks pregnant). I just wondered if anyone have something witty they replied with. I have a few great ones I use when I get "twins" comments. Some of them I pull out for when people seem capable of taking a joke and some I just use other times.

 

Homeschooling in our community is rare. I know 2 other families. One lives on a ranch 25 miles out of town (we are actually pretty close with this family but we school similarly and have similar goals). The other family is just different than us and I don't click with them really. They don't school the same way we do. I know of only one other family, though I do not know them well. So yeah homeschooling is pretty rare. We are definitely the black sheep in the community. It doesn't bother me too much because I feel like I am making the best choice for MY family and am happy with it. I also LOVE homeschooling. I just sometimes wish I had smart replies to some of these comments. I love leaving behind confused/awed people.

 

Christina

 

I'm at the point where I don't let insults go anymore, whether it is about the number of children I have or that I homeschool. When someone makes an off comment, I take that as my cue to prove them wrong, even though I know they don't actually care. I will go on and on about the pros of homeschooling and the achievements of my kids so far. Or if it is about my large family I will say how much I love my kids and love being with them and love being a mother and how I can't imagine it any other way. The poor fellow usually starts backpaddling from their original comment by the end of my rant, and I feel satisfied.

[Lily_Grace]

I've only had once in the past year where I responded. I was in a board-of-review (oral test) for a scout, and one of the others chided him on not having enough opportunities for public speaking, which is why he was nervous, etc. etc., all because he was homeschooled.

 

So I stepped in, and told him that the former scoutmaster (just left) spoke just fine, and he was homeschooled. Same with the assistant scoutmaster. Oh, and the kid he was talking to was a dualie - public and home at the same time. But if he really thought it necessary I'd make sure the kid did a speech every week in my class, over at the co-op, where he was also enrolled, but that it would have to take a back seat to whatever play he was working on in the community theater. And maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that it was an oral TEST that made the kid nervous, not speaking in front of people who he talks to out in the hall every week. Oy.

[G5052]

LOL -- you develop thick skin. This kind of thing will happen over and over. I live in an area with plenty of homeschoolers, and I still get it every once in awhile anyway.

 

Frankly I don't engage much. Usually I say something general like "well, it is working very well for us" or "time will tell." Several years ago two moms were really on a tear against homeschooling while waiting at the gymnastic studio, and I did step in there. All I said is that I am a homeschooler, and that I'm sure that they would be extremely offended if I had a similar discussion about public school families with them sitting there. They apologized and stopped.

[Greenmama2]

I had a lady (a public school teacher) ask me today, "What do you do when you don't understand the curriculum and what you're supposed to be teaching her?" I replied, "My oldest is in third grade. It's not that difficult."

 

Oh my goodness.

[nono]

 

Today I went to pick up a bountiful basket and I saw one of my sister in laws co-workers at the school. She is friendly and we have had kids on the same soccer teams and such. She asked if I was still homeschooling and I replied in the affirmative. Then she started making comments about how she bets with all the school teachers in the family they make sure I am doing a good enough job.

 

 

 

Is there any chance she was sympathizing a bit with you? 'Cause to me it sounds like maybe she thinks that the family might be a bit overbearing. Or perhaps that sentiment is mixed in there with a slight, too.

 

I wouldn't worry about it, but I'm old and cranky. ;)

 

:grouphug:

[stripe]

I had a lady (a public school teacher) ask me today, "What do you do when you don't understand the curriculum and what you're supposed to be teaching her?" I replied, "My oldest is in third grade. It's not that difficult."

I had a midwife student (who was older) say something like this to me, that she thought about it and was worried she wouldn't know enough. I didn't take it that way. I thought it came from genuine concern to properly educate her daughter, and a respect for teachers, which can be lacking in some homeschoolers, as educated professionals, and feeling inferior in comparison. I think she might not have realized there are materials to help the homeschooling parent, as well as options for high school or other outsourcing, but I didn't take it in a bad way. I think most parents figure they have one chance to get their kids' education right before they become "behind," and there is kind of a mysterious process of how do you teach a kid to read?! that is overwhelming.

[FriedClams]

This is my seventh year of homeschooling. My kids have never been to a traditional school and I got my first ever compliment from my mom last month. It was something along the lines of, "I have to say, this homeschool thing is better than I thought it would be." They'll never support it fully, and I don't care. It's my life - and my kids.

 

I'd ignore them. Never try to win them over. Let it go.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Most of the time, I just walk away. When I was younger and had more energy, I would defend myself (and other moms) by saying that professional teaching had very little to do with homeschooling and vice versa. The skills were not all that transferrable. I know teachers who pulled their kids from school who told me that they had to learn how to homeschool from the ground up. Their classroom experience didn't make a difference. How to control a classroom and how to implement a mass lesson plan was very different than meeting the needs of the individual child. I look at it as more of an extension of parenting rather than a separate hat I wear.

[Tracy]

"Pass the bean dip." You did a great job.

[Mommy22alyns]

I'd probably just smile and walk away too. Half the time, I'm not quick enough on the draw to even realize I might be getting an insult, so I don't say anything.

 

I was talking about homeschooling with a team mom the other night and she was asking me HOW I did it - she said, "I know WHY you do it..." and I thought, really? Because sometimes I don't know why I do it! She meant no offense at all though.

[texasmama]

I generally don't respond to off the cuff negative remarks from people unless they are clearly attempting to be confrontational. It's not worth the effort. Also, most people don't mean any harm. They are simply speaking out of ignorance. Most days, I am not willing to spend my finite time and energy trying to educate people about homeschooling. I'm sure plenty of remarks that could potentially be taken negatively have flown right out of my mouth so I try to extend grace to others.

[mama27]

Okay first a back story to explain the conversation. I pulled me boys out of school in 3rd and 4th grade. It was a personal choice and not a very popular one. My husband was 100% supportive with whatever my choice would have been. My husband is a speech pathologist at the schools. My mother in law and sister in law live 1 block away. One of them is a first grade teacher and the other is a middle school teacher. So we have ALOT of public school employees in our family. At first (last year) you could tell my inlaws didn't agree. They didn't openly appose but they avoided the topic. This year I find them more open with the idea. And I even overheard my sister in law defending my choice to another person once.

 

Today I went to pick up a bountiful basket and I saw one of my sister in laws co-workers at the school. She is friendly and we have had kids on the same soccer teams and such. She asked if I was still homeschooling and I replied in the affirmative. Then she started making comments about how she bets with all the school teachers in the family they make sure I am doing a good enough job. I don't think she was meaning to be offensive, but I just smiled and walked away. I felt like it was some sort of insult that without that I wouldn't be capable to teaching my kids well enough without all those teachers in the family.

 

I could have ranted to her about how much better off I feel my kids are now that we are homeschooling. How their school is on a state watch (ie being run by the state) for not passing AYP. How I manage to accomplish more in my school day in less time that they do at public school, such as consistently doing science and social studies, and giving them a greater range and depth in their study of literature. Or the fact that my 4th graders class had almost 40 kids in it and only one teacher and when I volunteered in his class and helped do the reading assessments only 2 of those children (one of them mind) could read at or above grade level. Argh. Sorry rant over.

 

Just wondering how you reply to those kind of comments. I really do not think she was trying to be rude but what she said was just off, imo.

 

 

It all depends on the time of the month. ;-)

 

Seriously though, most people who make rude comments ( I understand you don't belive she was being rude) are just as obnoxious about anything else they don't like or agree with so I wouldn't waste my time on them anyway.

[Lucy]

I find that many of the comments I get about homeschooling are unintendedly negative. They come from a total misunderstnding of homeschooling. When my friends (or strangers) say, "Oh, I could nnever homeschool..." I say, "Of corse you could! You'd do wonderfully. But each family chooses what works best for them." If they say, "Who oversees you?" I say, "No one. But that works out great, because no one cares more about their education than I do." When they say, "Oh, you do fine because you used to be a teacher." I say, "No, it's a different beast. And I have a good friend that has a HS education and is doing a better job of it than me." Sometimes it's good to kindly, through normal conversation, educate others that most people would do an amazing job with the curriculum and support that is out there. They just don't know otherwise. And I know a few people who through little comments like this that are now considering homeschooling. We must be full of grace and see through the negative comments to their need to understand better.

 

As for people who make the comments to be negative on purpose. I just smile and walk.

[claluck]

I find that many of the comments I get about homeschooling are unintendedly negative. They come from a total misunderstnding of homeschooling. When my friends (or strangers) say, "Oh, I could nnever homeschool..." I say, "Of corse you could! You'd do wonderfully. But each family chooses what works best for them." If they say, "Who oversees you?" I say, "No one. But that works out great, because no one cares more about their education than I do." When they say, "Oh, you do fine because you used to be a teacher." I say, "No, it's a different beast. And I have a good friend that has a HS education and is doing a better job of it than me." Sometimes it's good to kindly, through normal conversation, educate others that most people would do an amazing job with the curriculum and support that is out there. They just don't know otherwise. And I know a few people who through little comments like this that are now considering homeschooling. We must be full of grace and see through the negative comments to their need to understand better.

 

As for people who make the comments to be negative on purpose. I just smile and walk.

 

 

I am going to have to remember a few of these. I agree, most of the time they don't mean to be negative. I felt that way with "twins" comments when they were babies or even now when I get comments about how many children I have. I am sure some people think we are bat crazy (heck sometimes I think I am am lol). I really like some of your replies. Here in Nevada there is zero oversight in home school. I basically have to just turn my intent into the school district office and that is all. No one really seems to care what we do from there. People do occasionally ask about that and I love your reply.

 

FWIW we were talking about the conversation with the friend over family dinner yesterday and my sister in law and mother in law both rolled their eyes. They felt her comment was ridiculous. My sister in law even went on to make the comment that she doesn't feel like she needs to say anything about homeschooling to me, that everything the kids seem to be doing sounds great and that even though it's non of her business she thinks it is going well. Not that I seek their approval really but it does feel nice to have someone complement you when you work so hard at something and seem to get criticized or feel judged for it alot.

[Hot Lava Mama]

Comments like

 

"Well, I could never do that because of (fill in the blank) "

 

need to be responded to with,

 

"Well, it's not for everyone. Indeed, if you don't believe you are capable, please DON'T! Those of us who are capable don't need anyone messing it up for us!"

 

Quite frankly, if they say they "couldn't do it", just agree with them!

 

:)

Hot Lava Mama

[regentrude]

Comments like

 

"Well, I could never do that because of (fill in the blank) "

 

need to be responded to with,

 

"Well, it's not for everyone. Indeed, if you don't believe you are capable, please DON'T! Those of us who are capable don't need anyone messing it up for us!"

 

That is unnecessarily rude.

Once upon a time, when I had never met anybody who homeschooled and knew nothing about it, I, too, thought it was not something I could ever do - because I work a job, because English is not my native language, because I did not know about curriculum, because I was afraid my very extroverted child would be lonely... plenty (fill in the blanks). I did not believe I was capable.

I am grateful for the people who educated me with kindness, answered my questions with patience, and encouraged me that I could do it.

The last thing I could have used as an on-the-fence-almost-homeschooler would have been a snarky comment like this.

[RanchGirl]

Smiling and backing away slowly is a perfectly fine response. If I really felt the need to say something, I don't think pointing out the public school's (well documented) flaws or the speaker's obvious lack of social skills is going to lead to a productive conversation. But I think it is also usually fine to simply reflect back these lunatic comments with a cheerful smile. Sometimes people have no idea how inane and rude they sound. "If I didn't know better, I might think you were saying you think I can't handle homeschooling my kids on my own? Thanks but we're doing just fine!"

[Hot Lava Mama]

 

That is unnecessarily rude.

Once upon a time, when I had never met anybody who homeschooled and knew nothing about it, I, too, thought it was not something I could ever do - because I work a job, because English is not my native language, because I did not know about curriculum, because I was afraid my very extroverted child would be lonely... plenty (fill in the blanks). I did not believe I was capable.

I am grateful for the people who educated me with kindness, answered my questions with patience, and encouraged me that I could do it.

The last thing I could have used as an on-the-fence-almost-homeschooler would have been a snarky comment like this.

 

 

 

I can appreciate this. Perhaps it does come off as rude, but the time I said this was to someone who already knew I home schooled, had already made it known that she thought it was a "bad decision", and said it in front of someone who just found out I was home schooling. At the time, I felt like she was being very snarky about the whole situation, so I wasn't going to lay down and take it.

 

But, I do see your point that this probably isn't something that should be said to the "general" person who makes that comment. I stand corrected.

[PeterPan]

Not to suggest these particular people weren't being negative, but a lot of the comments I get that seem negative to me are actually because the people are trying to figure out what to say. They don't even know the LAW, so they don't know what it is. They don't know where we buy stuff or how it works or ANYTHING. At this point most people just ask me what the law in Ohio is, or I say we comply with the law, and I move on.

[North Coast School]

Depends on the situation. Believe me, as a parent through adoption, I have had my share of intrusive/stupid/offensive/ignorant questions and comments before I even thought of homeschooling. Here are some of my favorites that have actually been said to my face: "IS she a crack baby?" "Oh, I could NEVER adopt. My husband couldn't love a kid that wasn't HIS." "How much did he cost?" And my friends who have kids of color get it even worse.

 

For both adoption and homeschool, most of the time I like to see myself as an abassador. I try to educate to the best of my ability. Many times people are just ignorant and don't have the right language to express thier curiosity. Sometimes people are just rude and ugly, and those people aren't worth my time to even respond. Other than that I try to reframe thier questions or comments back to them. "Why do you want to know?" "Are you interested in learning about homeschool?" Often times, a simple, "It was our first choice and I am glad that we have ability to do so." will be enough.

[briansmama]

The best one I ever heard was from a receptionist at the dentist's office. I was making an appointment for my ds and they thought I'd have to schedule it for afterschool. When I explained we homeschooled so an earlier time was actually better for us, she replied with "oh, my neighbors do that (homeschool). They stole our cat."

 

 

[SebastianCat]

To the OP - I also have a MIL who is a former PS teacher, a SIL who is currently a PS teacher, and DH has an aunt who is a retired PS teacher. So I totally understand your family situation. My IL's weren't overly excited when we began to homeschool, but now that we've been at it for 6 years, they see the results and are big fans. I have actually solicited input from my MIL on curricula on a few occasions, and she's been helpful.

 

I think the comment to the OP was just one of those "I don't know exactly what to say" kind of comments. Kind of like the person who tells the mom with twins or triplets, "Wow, you have your hands full" without realizing that it sounds negative.

 

Nowadays, if we ever get any negative comments, they are quickly dispelled by a chat with my kids. The fact that my kids are extroverts who can talk on ANY subject at length helps.

[Tracy]

I don't understand why teachers are not more supportive of homeschooling. It is because my dh is a teacher that he is so very supportive of homeschooling. He has worked in that system for 15 years. He sees how it is failing our youth, and he has worked with many teachers that have no business teaching.

[claluck]

I don't understand why teachers are not more supportive of homeschooling. It is because my dh is a teacher that he is so very supportive of homeschooling. He has worked in that system for 15 years. He sees how it is failing our youth, and he has worked with many teachers that have no business teaching.

 

 

 

My DH is supportive as well because he works in the schools. We are a bit different in our home the way we do it though because he does work in the schools. He wants us to PS the kids for Kindergarten and First so long as class sizes are small enough. He feels that there is a huge benefit to social learning at that point and wants the kids to get that. Plus the schools have access to gobs of manipulatives and other items we just do not have the space for in our home. That said he already informed me that next year the kindergarten which is 2 classes right now might be combined into one. If so my twins would be in one huge first grade. He doesn't feel the pros outweigh the cons in that situation and wants me to bring them home.

 

My husband says that alot of the teachers see only the poor results of "homeschooling" the parents who chose to do it, have kids WAY behind and when something goes wrong throw their kids back into public school where they are 2 or more grades behind age level. Some of that is just the dynamics of our community. I know there is one family locally that made it harder for me to switch because of the way they chose to do it. They have kids in our church group and their kids could not even begin to read at an average age. In fact their 8 year old youngest daughter still only has minimal reading skills (like "The cat sat") their older kids were like this and picked up on skills eventually but I would still say my 5th grader reads better than their 10th grader. Homeschool groups that have gotten together to teach subjects the other mothers have commented on how behind the kids in this family seem (8 to highschool age) and people have commented on being at their house at various times of day and that the TV is always on. It sort of casts a bad light on their family and homeschooling. That said I do not know enough about their family, their situation, or their kids, and try not to judge, just what people see when they see that family is the stereotypical homeschool family where they have children who seem behind the average and are just a bit weird and they have one child with who needs some serious speech therapy but they refuse to get her help. (My husband is a speech pathologist so this drives him nutso, she sounds like a 3 year old)

 

Christina

[North Coast School]

Agree with Christina above. Many PS teachers only have experience with homeschoolers who are struggling and get put back in school. They see kids who are behind, socially and academically.

[dirty ethel rackham]

 

 

 

My husband says that alot of the teachers see only the poor results of "homeschooling" the parents who chose to do it, have kids WAY behind and when something goes wrong throw their kids back into public school where they are 2 or more grades behind age level. Some of that is just the dynamics of our community. I know there is one family locally that made it harder for me to switch because of the way they chose to do it. They have kids in our church group and their kids could not even begin to read at an average age. In fact their 8 year old youngest daughter still only has minimal reading skills (like "The cat sat") their older kids were like this and picked up on skills eventually but I would still say my 5th grader reads better than their 10th grader. Homeschool groups that have gotten together to teach subjects the other mothers have commented on how behind the kids in this family seem (8 to highschool age) and people have commented on being at their house at various times of day and that the TV is always on. It sort of casts a bad light on their family and homeschooling. That said I do not know enough about their family, their situation, or their kids, and try not to judge, just what people see when they see that family is the stereotypical homeschool family where they have children who seem behind the average and are just a bit weird and they have one child with who needs some serious speech therapy but they refuse to get her help. (My husband is a speech pathologist so this drives him nutso, she sounds like a 3 year old)

 

Christina

 

 

Homeschooling failures are only a part of the reason many teachers are opposed to homeschooling. Even when kids are excelling academically, many are still adamantly opposed to it (see the NEA's statement on homeschooling.) First of all, to many teachers, it is a pride thing. How could they have studied and worked so hard on their craft and a lowly mom claims that she can do it better? Yeah, I can see that it would stick in their craw. Also, it is just so outside their paradigm. They see schools as normal so anything that is not school is abnormal and, therefore, wrong. When I was starting out, I can't tell you how many teachers told me that I was going to ruin my kids by homeschooling. Even after presented evidence of how well my kids were doing academically, I was constantly told how I needed to put them in school so that they would know how to be with other kids. One teacher told me I was doing my oldest kid a disservice by homeschooling him, since she could tell he "couldn't relate to kids his own age" (which was a load of crap ... he was a "scary smart" kid who just couldn't relate to the public school kids who lived for sports and candy.) I asked her what going to school would do ... set him up for bullying because he was smart kid or he would learn to play dumb so he would be accepted. Homeschooling allowed him to be himself, pursue his passions, find a peer group around common interests and develop in his own way. This kid is a freshman in college 3 hours away from home and is doing great. (Boo hoo ... he hardly ever calls ... he doesn't need me ... boo hoo.)

[journey00]

Just try to let it go.

 

The meat lady at Whole Foods made a comment like that to me once and now every time I get meat I secretly give her the death stare. I'm sure she has no memory of it.

 

You usually can't change the minds of people like that with one conversation, so don't waste your breath. (But you have my permission to give her an evil death stare the next time you see her!)

 

LMBO!!

[claluck]

I think alot of school teachers see it as a judgement against them too. Like they aren't good enough to teach my kid. My husband had alot of flack for choosing to homeschool. In fact the school district person who supervises him is also the one who is in charge of registering homeschoolers. My husband refuses to mention anything homeschool to the guy. He prefers only I deal the with homeschool portion and he can keep any communication related to his job and not create more tension.

 

That said I did have the head of the local teachers union approach me and ask me how much help the district gives parents. I told her they offer anything they aren't using up for grabs, only if it is laying around but don't tell you what that is. Also that we have had a HUGE pain with regards to MAPS testing. My husband wants us to do the MAPS testing with the kids, but every single time we go to do it they have erased our kids from the system and it takes them 2 more weeks to put them back on. That said I really don't want the school districts help all that much because I want to school the way I want to and not have someone leaning over me telling me what to do. She had some really great comments though about how she felt that homeschoolers and teachers have the same goal to educate the children and should thus be able to work together. That as a school district it is their responsibility to make sure kids in our community are well educated and by not offering assistance to homeschoolers we were doing the community, school districts, and homeschools a disservice. I didn't tell her but I felt that was walking a fine line between working together and having them tell me what I had to do. That said if I could get the local school district to offer my kids a high-school diploma after showing proof of competent work I would be thrilled. That is one thing I get nervous about and am not thrilled on spending money for.

 

My worst comment on homeschooling actually came from my husbands grandma. Who told me point blank that if I made her grand-kids stupid she would never forgive me. And drilled me about what social opportunities they had. Dh tried taking her their testing scores to appease her but she only grudgingly admitted we might not be doing a poor job. Needless to say we don't talk about homeschooling around her.

 

Christina

[journey00]

I always hear "I could never do what you do, I would go crazy, I don't have the patience, it must be so hard....blah blah blah".

 

And I really don't think they are trying to be mean or insensitive. BUT depending on who is asking will determine what kind of reply I provide.

 

An acquaintance usually gets:

"I use to think like you but it's been a good choice for our family. Gosh, I cold never do what YOU do... mandatory teacher meetings, helping cranky kids with homework until 9 pm, endless fund raisers, meeting someone else's schedule and demands, volunteering at the school, teacher's notes, school getting my kids' best hours of the day...it is all hard but it's about choosing your "hard". And I'm saying it with a gentle voice and wearing a smile then "Let's go kids!" and move on. ;)

 

After some old guy (a total stranger) at McDonald's tried to debate me on homeschooling, I decided a total stranger gets: "It has been a great choice for our family. Have a nice day." I'm not going to debate a stranger and exhaust myself for nothing and it gives my children an example on how to tactfully deal with a sticky situation. Unless, I get the sense that a person is honestly asking and is respectful then I will take the time to share a little more general information.

 

I read an article of a veteran homeschooling Mom who handled it the same way and I took her advice.

[brendag]

For me it is getting easier to kind of blow off the remarks. In the beginning, I was getting them from my MIL and that kind of drove me bonkers.

 

I had my kids signed up for private swimming lessons. The instructor is a former ps teacher. I got introduced to another ps trained teacher who had the lesson time before ours and then immediately she said "they homeschool". "OH!!" There were some more comments that kind of got under my skin the first couple of times and she was kind of quizzing my kids who were only 4 1/2 at the time. My friend said go find a different instructor, but I decided to give it a few more times to see if she was going to continue with the comments or not. I feel most people don't necessarily realize what they say sounds bad and I KNOW I tended to be oversensitive about it as well. The funny thing was they were blowing her away because I just happened to have a couple of accelerated learners. :p

 

Long story short. My kids instructor and the other mom/teacher are wonderful people who have changed their tune in regards to homeschooling. They wouldn't necessarily do it, but I do think that their eyes have been opened about the stereotypes and the relationship they have with their instructor now is wonderful!

[blondchen]

Here's a good read on this topic at the Simple Homeschool blog - just posted today, actually:

 

http://simplehomeschool.net/critics/#more-23320

[QTMom]

When my son was in Kindergarten, I took him to see his pediatrician for his check up. The pediatrician asked me how my son was doing in school and I told him that he was doing really well. He asked where my son went to school and I told him we were homeschooling. He proceeded to roll his eyes and start quizzing my son on math facts. My son answered all his questions correctly. I was a insulted that he felt the need to verify my statement that my son was doing well academically, and we started seeing a different pediatrician in the practice.

 

I have had several situations where people make rude comments about homeschooling to me. When we started our homeschool journey I would answer proudly when someone asked where my kids go to school, but now I dread someone asking because of some of the negativity from people that don't understand. At the same time, I have had plenty of positive comments too.

[violamama]

"It is great living out of the box."

 

Stealing this answer, to use both in public and in my head when I'm feeling insecure.

 

Sometimes if they don't really mean to challenge our choices, I'll just exclaim how surprised I am that it's actually really fun. I'll emphasize that I am learning a lot and that with classical education I feel confident we have a good curriculum going.

 

Three years ago I literally said, "I could never do that but it's so cool that you guys homeschool" to a violin student's mom. She was kind enough to encourage me and not be offended. It was one of a thousand small steps in this direction, for which I'm really grateful.

[alisoncooks]

When my son was in Kindergarten, I took him to see his pediatrician for his check up. The pediatrician asked me how my son was doing in school and I told him that he was doing really well. He asked where my son went to school and I told him we were homeschooling. He proceeded to roll his eyes and start quizzing my son on math facts. My son answered all his questions correctly. I was a insulted that he felt the need to verify my statement that my son was doing well academically, and we started seeing a different pediatrician in the practice.

This isn't the first time I've read about a situation like this here... It amazes me that doctors feel they have the right to do this! And it makes me VERY grateful for our pediatrician (who knows we homeschool and could care less, LOL).

[Belacqua]

This isn't the first time I've read about a situation like this here... It amazes me that doctors feel they have the right to do this! And it makes me VERY grateful for our pediatrician (who knows we homeschool and could care less, LOL).

 

 

We had to ditch a pediatrician for much the same reason. She very pointedly made notes in her file whenever homeschooling came up and said she would "need to monitor [Kid's] progress carefully." I'm kind of proud of myself for refraining from saying, "You mean you don't carefully monitor all your patients' progress?" Our current doctor homeschooled her own kids and, more to the point, doesn't treat us like freaks. She's a keeper.

 

 

The best one I ever heard was from a receptionist at the dentist's office. I was making an appointment for my ds and they thought I'd have to schedule it for afterschool. When I explained we homeschooled so an earlier time was actually better for us, she replied with "oh, my neighbors do that (homeschool). They stole our cat."

 

 

Oh, no! Stand down, people! They're onto us. We must lie low and curtail our cat-stealing ways for a while until this all blows over. I repeat: No stealing cats until further notice!