What Is A Guest? Responsibilities?

[Impish]

I'm finding an interesting thing...not everyone has the same idea as to what a 'guest' is, or what a 'guest' is expected to do when in residence.

 

I'm dealing w/MIL expecting to come after baby is born. Wolf and I have agreed that since baby is due June 30, the absolute earliest we can accomdate her wanting to visit is the wk of July 20-27. We've also agreed that due to lack of room (we have no spare room or bed) best we can reasonably offer is 3 days/2 nights.

 

Frankly, I *need* recovery time. RSD on top of new baby, post partum period, complicates things.

 

Plus, when MIL is here, she is treated as a 'guest'. By that I mean, she does nothing in terms of helping out, etc. And, to me, that's normal for a guest.

 

However, she has stated before that she is NOT a guest, she is FAMILY, and therefore should be welcome any time.

 

Me, if I haven't birthed you or married you, you're a guest.

 

So, I'm curious...what do you consider a guest? And what do you expect from them, if anything? And what would visiting family be expected to do (if there's any actual difference btwn a guest and visiting family).

 

Thanks!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Noooooooooooooooooooooo! How can we talk you out of this?

[nukeswife]

Anyone that doesn't live in my house on a permanent basis is a guest. So basically my view of a guest is the same as yours. If I didn't marry you or birthed you, you're a guest.

 

I expect a guest to at least pick up after themselves. If they offer to help out with other things I may let them depending on my mood.

[KnitWit]

I agree with Tibbie!!

 

Also, new moms don't need *guests* of any flavor. They need helpers that do not sleep under their roof. "Helper" being the key word, which automatically disqualifies your mil!

[FaithManor]

Dear Imp,

 

I have heard from a very reliable source that Malaysia is a lovely country. I suggest you take your family, run for your life, have the baby there, and live happily ever after.

 

However, assuming that you aren't checking expedia.com for the next flight out of your province, sigh, all I can say is that the earliest she should be allowed to come would be late August. You need more time to recover. I mean, it's not like this woman is a normal mother. She's not my mother who would show up and cook meals, do laundry, entertain the other children, dust some place that I haven't had time to dust since well, FOREVER, make ten casseroles and leave them in the freezer, and leave feeling like she hadn't helped me enough. You have a narcissist with dementia to deal with and to me, that's just too much. She needs a hotel and Wolf can take the baby to visit grandma at the hotel.

 

Sigh, if she stays with you, don't let her come before August 20th.

 

Faith

[catz]

Yes, if you're not a permanent resident, you're a guest. If you want an open door family policy, I think you need to be pitching in on stuff in a HUGE way, including buying groceries. If I had a family member that would show up at my house after birth and listen to postpartum ramblings, cook, do laundry, and hold baby while I took a shower, that would be a whole different business. I don't have anyone like that besides DH, so no, I would not be super accommodating to a needy family member postpartum.

 

I didn't answer the quiz, because if I do have quests, I don't necessarily have expectations about what they will and will not do. However, their behavior would most certainly affect when and in what capacity they might be invited back.

[Caitilin]

I agree with your definition for guests. But if, say, my mother, came for a birth, she'd have been family--helped with food, laundry, baby, other dc, etc. when I go visit my sister/BIL/new nephew, I plan to be helpful, not guest-y. :)

[AnIslandGirl]

No way, no how would I want to entertain a guest post-partum.

[regentrude]

In my home, a guest is anybody who does not live here permanently. That includes friends, but also my parents, sister and niece.

I do not expect my guests to contribute anything to the running of the household, whether family member or not.

Nevertheless, my mother and sister always volunteer to help out when they are visiting. As do I when I visit them.

 

ETA: I would not want to host overnight guests when I have a new baby. I would expect all family members to understand this. And if anybody insisted on visiting during this period, I would be expecting them to help out, at least to such a degree that it is not more work for me to host them.

This is a special circumstance, and not normal hosting - your primary role would be the one of a new mother recovering from birth and getting used to your newborn, NOT a hostess.

[PRTGSw2K]

..

Edited July 20, 2016 by PRTGSw2K

[nd293]

I really wouldn't invite anyone unrelated to me to stay overnight, apart from kids' sleepovers. Visiting family members hold the same values as I do, so I know they'll tidy up after themselves, make their own breakfast and lunch, and possibly entertain the kids a little.

 

At various times I have had two aunt-uncle couples stay, a cousin and her partner, my husband's 20yr old nephew, my Mom and my MIL. We limited the duration of MIL's visit as we had a one bedroom apartment at the time. I have declined to host my husband's elderly great-uncle - I had never met him and had two children, including a toddler, at home full time.

[misty.warden]

Even a guest expected to do nothing and needing to be waited on is a burden on a recovering mom. I wouldn't want guests during that time unless they were there specifically to be helpful. And even extended family don't get to make up rules on when they are welcome in your house.

[TraceyS/FL]

Wait, I haven't been here in FOREVER and even I remember that SHE NEEDS TO NOT COME.

 

She will be of no help to you.... and I agree, a "helper" is fine... your MIL? NO WAY.

 

I'm sorry Imp.... really truly sorry! :(

 

(BUT, congrats on the pregnancy!!!)

[Impish]

Dear Imp,

 

I have heard from a very reliable source that Malaysia is a lovely country. I suggest you take your family, run for your life, have the baby there, and live happily ever after.

 

However, assuming that you aren't checking expedia.com for the next flight out of your province, sigh, all I can say is that the earliest she should be allowed to come would be late August. You need more time to recover. I mean, it's not like this woman is a normal mother. She's not my mother who would show up and cook meals, do laundry, entertain the other children, dust some place that I haven't had time to dust since well, FOREVER, make ten casseroles and leave them in the freezer, and leave feeling like she hadn't helped me enough. You have a narcissist with dementia to deal with and to me, that's just too much. She needs a hotel and Wolf can take the baby to visit grandma at the hotel.

 

Sigh, if she stays with you, don't let her come before August 20th.

 

Faith

 

See, we have a complicating issue, Faith.

 

Once I'm cleared by the OB for travel (figure, 6 wks) we're heading out of province to look for a place to live. We're hoping that we'll actually be looking to buy our first home, but at the very least, we're wanting to find a good place to move to.

 

We really want out of our current city. We only moved here b/c there were no jobs where we were before.

 

And, it means travelling through the mountains...something we want over and done w/before the snow hits...which means we need to have things settled and move completed by mid-end of Oct.

 

So, we really *can't* have MIL here later than July 27. For one, I have a milestone birthday in Aug that I do not want to be dealing w/her for...and 2, as soon as I'm cleared, we're outta here.

[FaithManor]

But Imp! Couldn't you be in Malaysia by the end of October???? :D

 

Witness protection program???

 

Faith

[Dandelion]

What Tibbie and Faith said.

 

Based on what you've shared about your MIL over the years, I'd tell her your schedule is completely booked until baby's first birthday. <_<

 

In terms of guests and responsibilities, I treat anyone who visits as a guest (with the exception of my mom, who lived with us for two years and comes over almost every day). I don't have any expectations of guests, but it's nice if they pick up after themselves and offer to help with things here and there.

[Snow]

I think there are guidelines, but subject to special circumstances. For example, anyone who doesn't live with me is a guest. However, if they are going to stay at my house for more than a few days (because guests only stay that long), then different rules apply. If its more of an extended stay and/or a close family member and/or new baby, then anyone staying at my house does so at their own risk. They are expected to help out more the longer they stay and/or the more I have on my plate.

 

I would just make sure to clarify expectations up front by saying things like, "We'd love to have you with us. Are you sure you are really up for helping out? I'm going to be so stressed, I hope you don't mind if I'm not up to my usual preparations for you." Things like that.

[Impish]

Here's the thing.

 

MIL is in her mid 80s. Asking her not to come, while admittedly preferable for *me* is unrealistic. Wolf's concern, of course, is that she may not be around next yr.

 

Plus, our *telling* her the dates available is to head off her assuming she's welcome to stay for her usual duration (6 wks)

[somo_chickenlady]

To us, a guest is anyone that does not permanently reside in our home, including family. I expect family to take their plates to the sink when they are over for dinner, but I don't require people other than family to do that, and no guests are required to do anything else beyond that.

[MrsMommy]

My mom always insists she isn't a guest when she visits. Not in a pushy, demanding way, but it still bothers me. If you don't live here, it doesn't matter how much I love you, you're still a guest in my home!

[Audrey]

Anyone who doesn't live here already is a guest. Guests do not have any responsibilities while they are guests, except.... Guests NEVER invite themselves to stay. NEVER. That is no longer a guest. That is a boarder.

 

Charge her rent.

[unsinkable]

I don't understand the poll.

 

When family visits, we bend over backwards for them. I do my family's laundry. My DH washes their cars and fills the cars with gas if needed.

 

Meals are planned around their favorite foods, and activities are planned based on what would interest them.

 

Would this apply to anyone else, especially the OP?

 

I don't know!

[Dory]

I consider anyone that I didn't birth or marry a guest. That being said I have different kind of guests. If you are a close relative (parent, sibling) than I expect that you will help out while you are visiting. If you are a little more distant (cousin, grandparent, aunt) than I will hope that you will be kind enough to help out a little and I expect you to pick up after yourself. If you are a friend and not related at all, than I hope that you are polite enough to pick up after yourself, but other than not being mean to me or my kids, I don't really have any expectations.

[Carol in Cal.]

A guest is not expected to do anything.

However, a guest should expect herself to pitch in, should do so significantly, and should pitch in both where seeing a specific need and by offering to be put to work.

If a guest does not do this, she is not a very good guest. However, if I felt some obligation to host her I would do it in spite of this.

But not while I was recovering from something.

And in general, if someone insisted on visiting when I was recovering from something, I would happily sleep in my room most of the time--something I would normally consider both rude and unacceptable. And it would not bother me at all. Because it just stands to reason that when you're recovering from something, you need your rest.

That is all.

[Elinor Everywhere]

I consider anyone that I didn't birth or marry a guest. That being said I have different kind of guests. If you are a close relative (parent, sibling) than I expect that you will help out while you are visiting. If you are a little more distant (cousin, grandparent, aunt) than I will hope that you will be kind enough to help out a little and I expect you to pick up after yourself. If you are a friend and not related at all, than I hope that you are polite enough to pick up after yourself, but other than not being mean to me or my kids, I don't really have any expectations.

 

 

This is how we see it, as well.

[Danestress]

Here's the thing.

 

MIL is in her mid 80s. Asking her not to come, while admittedly preferable for *me* is unrealistic. Wolf's concern, of course, is that she may not be around next yr.

 

Plus, our *telling* her the dates available is to head off her assuming she's welcome to stay for her usual duration (6 wks)

 

 

When was the last time she stayed six weeks at your house? My MIL has done it, but my MIL is a reasonable, pleasant person. So it is different.

 

I think someone can be "family" and still be a guest. My sisters and their husbands and children are family. Even my sisters in-laws are a type of family. But being family doesn't mean you can come when you want and stay as long as you want. There are still matters of courtesy. If you don't live here, you are a type if guest, though you may also be family of sorts.

 

A MIL is definitely family. Nothing can change that. But she could be 'not particularly welcome family.' I would expect any guest to pick up after ineself. What else I expect would depend more in how long the person stayed than on his or her degree of kinship.

[Garga]

Impish?!? Wha...??? Your MIL is staying in your house for a week?! :bored: I'm assuming that the rest of you will be living in a hotel while she's there, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

Wolf is never going to agree to just cut her out of his life, is he? You've been struggling with her coming by, wreaking havoc, finding pleasure with the misery she caused, and then leaving, only to call you guys and gloat about the pain she caused some more. I wish Wolf would let. her. go.

[Slartibartfast]

Guests to me would be anyone I did not marry or parent.

 

I don't think family need an invitation to visit, they are welcome anytime, but I like my family and dh's family. I didn't marry into cray cray town.

 

I wouldn't *expect* them to do anything except clean up after themselves a bit. The exception to this would be following the birth of a baby, in that case I would expect them to do EVERYTHING ( :lol:) I am not cleaning up after someone or cooking after I just had a baby. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I can barely care for myself after having a baby.

 

If we stay with someone we do help with chores, meal prep or clean up. But I don't apply our rules and expected behaviors to crazy people.

 

Some people just want to sit around and hold a new baby. That is fine and all but if you are sitting around holding a new baby while the new mom is busting her butt cleaning up after you then you are doing it wrong.

[Audrey]

When was the last time she stayed six weeks at your house? My MIL has done it, but my MIL is a reasonable, pleasant person. So it is different.

 

 

 

 

I had to quote this part because I cannot remember the last time a person declared their MIL a "reasonable" or a "pleasant" person on this board. To use both adjectives in the same sentence??? Either you're a troll or a bizarre anomaly. Either way, I'm marking this for posterity. :lol:

[jenL]

Dory's assessment of guest is exactly how I view "guest".

 

As for your MIL, I so wish you could listen to Faith on this one! But, since you cannot, DO give her explicit times to come and GO. For your sake, I wish she didn't have to come at all, but if it is what it is, then definite boundaries and set visit times are a must for her.

[Impish]

MIL has never stayed w/us for 6 wks. However, at that time we lived in a different city, and there were other family members that were able to host her, so I've never had her actually IN house for more than a 3-4 day stretch. She does, however, expect us to be at her beck and call even when staying w/someone else.

 

This time, it's simply not possible...either her staying w/other family (afaik there's nobody w/in hr drive that would take her) or us having her over every day, every other day for a cpl of wks.

 

But, 6 wks is the usual duration of her invasion. At one point, the family she was staying w/was MOVING OUT OF COUNTRY and MIL decided she would be there until the DAY THEY LEFT. Wolf found out, flipped out, demanded she shorten her trip to 2 wks max...she shortened it by something like 8 days.

 

I treat MIL like a guest in my home. She's not expected to help out at all. Nor does she offer, and I'm fine w/that. I just wondered if it was as contradictory to others as it seemed to me that on one hand, she's claiming not to be a guest, yet demands to be treated as such.

 

Just seemed odd to me, but I've no experience beyond MIL w/this sort of thing. We never had extended family that stayed o/n when I was growing up, they all lived in driving distance.

[swellmomma]

I think a guest is anyone that does not live in my home. They bare no responsibility other than to not be a slob. But I often see a double standard. For example, in my home my mom expected to be treated like a guest and be catered to, but in her home I am not seen as a guest, I am family and therefore am expected to pitch in, she assigns tasks etc. Now as a guest somewhere of course I would offer to help set the table, or wash dishes, or whatever. But I have seen other people do the same as my mom does. My sister for example, blood relations are not seen as guests, but if she is in there home she expects to be treated as one. (it's this stuff that keeps me from every inviting them over if I can help it).

 

Anyway, back to the question, a guest is anyone that does not typically live under this roof.

[justamouse]

She wishes she weren't a guest and in family status.

 

She hasn't worked herself up tot hat status yet, and the way she's going, she may never....

[Parrothead]

Anyone who is at your house often enough to know where the coffee is is no longer a guest.

 

Guests have no responsibilities. Family and close friends ought to want to help out. That is just what t family and close friends do.

 

Your MIL should be helping out.

[Anne]

My mom and my mother-in-law both came (at separate times) after both my kids were born. My mom was helpful, but my mother-in-law was amazing - she was incredibly helpful!

 

I'm with Faith, Imp - I think you ought to be looking for that plane ticket to Malaysia!

 

I do understand Wolf's desire to have her visit - but I think you need some backup plans to deal with her visit and to eject her when it's time for her to go!!

 

:grouphug:

 

Anne

[AmyontheFarm]

Imp, I can be packed in 5 mins. I would love to offer to come out and stay with you, helping you with the new baby and cooking and cleaning. Think of me as a Mother's Helper. I'll need a couch to sleep on and I bring my own pillow and linens.

 

One of my specialties is evicting family members. I'm good with MIL's also. LOL

 

Let me know when you want me to arrive and depart. I can find my way to and from the airport, just email me the grocery list and I'll pick everything up on the way to your house.

 

I could use a vacation from the farm and this crew and right now, working at your place sounds heavenly! Even with a pending visit from your MIL.

 

You should email her 3 recipes and ask her which ones she would like to prep and freeze for you while she is down. :)

[Seasider]

Honestly? I know your mil would disagree, but I think that's too soon for a visit. I had terrific sleepers, but not until past the 6 week mark at the earliest. The timing you're thinking of is going to hit you right in the middle of the worst sleep-deprived-hormone-still-whacked crazies.

 

I have read your mil posts. I don't think you should allow her to stay overnight in your home. Well, maybe when she comes for baby's 1st birthday party.....

 

Oh, as far as the guest thing, you know it makes not a bit of difference how normal people define it. However you decide to treat your mil, she'll call it wrong. Might as well be a wrong YOU can live through with minimal damage.

[Susan C.]

Can she come AFTER you move? (unless you don't want her to know where you are going...)

[Impish]

Imp, I can be packed in 5 mins. I would love to offer to come out and stay with you, helping you with the new baby and cooking and cleaning. Think of me as a Mother's Helper. I'll need a couch to sleep on and I bring my own pillow and linens.

 

One of my specialties is evicting family members. I'm good with MIL's also. LOL

 

Let me know when you want me to arrive and depart. I can find my way to and from the airport, just email me the grocery list and I'll pick everything up on the way to your house.

 

I could use a vacation from the farm and this crew and right now, working at your place sounds heavenly! Even with a pending visit from your MIL.

 

You should email her 3 recipes and ask her which ones she would like to prep and freeze for you while she is down. :)

 

Awww, you're so sweet!

 

MIL doesn't cook for us. Ever. First off, according to Wolf, she's horrid in the kitchen. I have to be GF, and she *makes* gluten as a meat sub (she's vegetarian). I cannot have that in my kitchen. I can't imagine the cross contamination issues. Back when we were first married, she watched the kids (they were 11 and 5), incl making them supper. Both begged to never have to eat her food again :lol:

 

Plus, she has a bit of a meltdown that I make too much food, they don't need to eat that much, etc, etc, etc when I'm making just a reg family meal. She only had her and Wolf to cook for, so the reality of cooking for a crew this size freaks her out.

 

This is our attempt at some control in the situation. IF we tell her not to come, period, both of us have concerns that she'll show up anyways. (She's been told she's not welcome on certain dates, and all of a sudden, she's here) At least w/us giving her dates, etc, we have some control over it, rather than wondering when she may just turn up.

 

Oh, and Wolf will be on parental leave, so he'll be home full time to deal w/her. While I hide in my bedroom.

 

eta: realized my math was wrong, corrected kids ages

[Impish]

Can she come AFTER you move? (unless you don't want her to know where you are going...)

 

We don't want her knowing ANYTHING beyond 'we're moving' until it's all signed, sealed, and delivered.

 

We'll be living in the same province (6-8 hr drive away, mind you). We don't want MIL demanding to tag along so she can fly out from a closer airport...and check out houses w/us. Better to keep it all silent until it's all over and done w/.

 

I'm seriously thinking of renting a PO box once we do move, just to keep her from having our physical addy.

[Impish]

Impish?!? Wha...??? Your MIL is staying in your house for a week?! :bored: I'm assuming that the rest of you will be living in a hotel while she's there, right? :tongue_smilie:

 

Wolf is never going to agree to just cut her out of his life, is he? You've been struggling with her coming by, wreaking havoc, finding pleasure with the misery she caused, and then leaving, only to call you guys and gloat about the pain she caused some more. I wish Wolf would let. her. go.

 

No, *not* a wk. She's being offered a THREE DAY stay btwn July 20-27. THREE DAYS. That's it.

 

If she wants to get a hotel before/after, that's up to her, but we're not paying for it, and I really doubt she has the ability to cover a wk or more at a hotel.

 

No, I don't see him letting her go. She's elderly, and we see her 1 invasion a yr. If she were younger (and he could hope for change) or if she was local, he'd have to make some hard decisions. But b/c of the age and distance, enduring seems easier.

[Truscifi]

Anyone who is at your house often enough to know where the coffee is is no longer a guest.

 

Guests have no responsibilities. Family and close friends ought to want to help out. That is just what t family and close friends do.

 

Your MIL should be helping out.

 

 

 

:iagree: This is how it works in my house. And my extended family is like this too.

[thebacabunch]

A guest is not expected to do anything but pick up after themselves around here. However, we don't host guests until baby is at least 6 months old. Anyone who comes before that is a mother's helper.

 

In your situation I am not sure you could do anything different. I would be clear with dh that he will be the one cooking, cleaning, caring for, and entertaining his mom. Make sure he has a long list of places to take her. Big hugs. I would rather die than have my mil around me when I have a new baby. I know somewhere there are reasonable mil, but mine isn't one of them.

[Ellie]

I'm finding an interesting thing...not everyone has the same idea as to what a 'guest' is, or what a 'guest' is expected to do when in residence.

 

I'm dealing w/MIL expecting to come after baby is born. Wolf and I have agreed that since baby is due June 30, the absolute earliest we can accomdate her wanting to visit is the wk of July 20-27. We've also agreed that due to lack of room (we have no spare room or bed) best we can reasonably offer is 3 days/2 nights.

 

Frankly, I *need* recovery time. RSD on top of new baby, post partum period, complicates things.

 

Plus, when MIL is here, she is treated as a 'guest'. By that I mean, she does nothing in terms of helping out, etc. And, to me, that's normal for a guest.

 

However, she has stated before that she is NOT a guest, she is FAMILY, and therefore should be welcome any time.

 

Me, if I haven't birthed you or married you, you're a guest.

 

So, I'm curious...what do you consider a guest? And what do you expect from them, if anything? And what would visiting family be expected to do (if there's any actual difference btwn a guest and visiting family).

 

Thanks!

 

 

Even my *family* checks with me before coming out to visit. Neither my mil nor my mother would ever have expected to come to visit me any time she wanted. "Welcome" and "come any time you want, at your own convenience" are not the same thing.

 

Now, we jokingly say that if you've been to our home three times, you're no longer a guest, you're family, and therefore you get to help load the dishwasher after dinner and find your own glass in the cabinet, but we would still not expect you to entertain the children or do actual chores (although if you've been to our home that often, you would probably do those things anyway).

[LibraryLover]

For us, anyone who doesn't live with us is a guest, although we've never hosted anyone who hasn't pitched in, in some way. We have a friend who is a fantastic chef... a real chef. But person doesn't clean up. lol We get that, and know that in order to enjoy amazing food, we have to play busboys.

 

However, for extended stays, I think a conversation over expectations might (???) help.

 

Different folks have different expectations, so it's probably a help if the situation is clarified in advance.

 

Which I am thinking isn't going to be a possibility for your family.

[kitten18]

 

 

I had to quote this part because I cannot remember the last time a person declared their MIL a "reasonable" or a "pleasant" person on this board. To use both adjectives in the same sentence??? Either you're a troll or a bizarre anomaly. Either way, I'm marking this for posterity. :lol:

 

Here's another one for you, my MIL is probably the nicest person I've ever met.

 

 

We live in SoCA and all our family lives in the Midwest, we get A LOT of visitors. Whenever anyone comes to see us they stay at least a week, often two weeks.

I admit, when people come to visit, I expect them to help out (except FIL, it's a miracle if he can manage to make his own toast). When our family comes they are just folded into our routine and they help out wherever help is needed.

[LibraryLover]

I had to quote this part because I cannot remember the last time a person declared their MIL a "reasonable" or a "pleasant" person on this board. To use both adjectives in the same sentence??? Either you're a troll or a bizarre anomaly. Either way, I'm marking this for posterity. :lol:

 

 

lol My MIL was lovely. I am not just saying that because she died two years ago of cancer. She was fantastic. She used to bring me cooked chicken, mashed potatoes, soup, veggies, salad. I mean, at around 3 pm in the afternoon, when the I was doing laundry or chasing little children, she (and my fil) would bring a cooked supper to my home.

 

And I mean just kiss me, drop it off, and go.

 

I miss her like crazy. And not because of her food.

 

I miss her because she was thoughtful and undemanding.

 

Even when my house was a mess, and the kids were gross & sticky, she would tell me I was a wonderful mother and my kids were darling. I am grateful that all of my children were old enough to understand her degree of fab at the time of her death. Amazing memories. We know we totally lucked out. I don't expect I could ever be a fraction as lovely as a grandmother. She was very special.

[Audrey]

lol My MIL was lovely. I am not just saying that because she died two years ago of cancer. She was fantastic. She used to bring me cooked chicken, mashed potatoes, soup, veggies, salad. I mean, at around 3 pm in the afternoon, when the I was doing laundry or chasing little children, she (and my fil) would bring a cooked supper to my home.

 

And I mean just kiss me, drop it off, and go.

 

I miss her like crazy. And not because of her food.

 

I miss her because she was thoughtful and undemanding.

 

Even when my house was a mess, and the kids were gross & sticky, she would tell me I was a wonderful mother and my kids were darling. I am grateful that all of my children were old enough to understand her degree of fab at the time of her death. Amazing memories. We know we totally lucked out. I don't expect I could ever be a fraction as lovely as a grandmother. She was very special.

 

 

That's wonderful. :) I was lucky to be blessed with a lovely woman for a MIL, too, but I think we may be in a special minority. I wish everyone was so lucky.

[ashfern]

I agree with the others that a guest is someone who doesn't live here full-time. I would like my guests to clean up after themselves but I don't expect it. My parents insist on cooking for us so they also do grocery shopping that they pay for. :hurray: My step-father is addicted to doing laundry so he does that when they visit. My ILs basically come to visit the kids so they entertain the kids when they are here. My MIL will ask to help cook but I usually refuse her help but she does clean up the kitchen afterwards. :hurray: After baby visits, my mom & step-father are a wonderful help but my ILs are not so much.

[Chris in VA]

My mil is great, too. She had dh very young, so she's only 19 years older than us, and still energetic and all that.

 

Imp, I think you are right to set some boundaries. I was wondering, how are you going to enforce her leaving at the end of her time? Will Wolf back you up?