Why do people in financial need plan to have more children?

[Hannah]

I know that this is a controversial and potentially offensive question to some, but I still want to understand.

 

Why do people who are already struggling financially and rely on help from others still plan and have another baby?

 

A family we know who's family supports them becuase the husband is way underemployed (and in the current economy unlikely to get better prospects soon) is pregnant with their third child and the mom says they had planned the pregnancy and had been 'trying for a while'. I have to admit to being quite shocked. It seems very irresponsible.

 

Here there is no financial aid for them from the government, so things like additional child benefits and food aid, etc don't come into play.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Because love and family ideals rank higher than financial means sometimes.

 

A LOT of people don't wait until they are financially stable, independent, etc to have another child. How many people would have kids at all if they waited until they had excellent financial circumstances? At the same time, it probably should be at least "not drowning or depending on others."

 

But again, love and ideas of what your family should look like play heavily on your heart.

[Impish]

We're having another, despite our financial issues.

 

It was a surprise to us, but, ending the pregnancy would never be an option.

 

I wouldn't give up one of my born kids for financial reasons, so the idea of doing so during a pregnancy is equally repugnant to *me*

[Lacie]

I understand surprise babies during difficult times. But I have struggled with people who are actively trying to have another child when they cannot provide for the ones they have. It seems irresponsible to me, but others might disagree with my choices also.

 

In other words, it's not my business.

[Farrar]

I understand surprise babies during difficult times. But I have struggled with people who are actively trying to have another child when they cannot provide for the ones they have. It seems irresponsible to me, but others might disagree with my choices also.

 

In other words, it's not my business.

 

 

That's pretty much how I see it as well. I think financially secure can mean different things to different people. And that if you wait until things are perfect, you'll never have kids. While I wouldn't make the same decisions, this is an area where I don't feel like I can judge.

[SKL]

My step-niece was pregnant out of wedlock for the 4th time, with at least the 3rd guy. She's been on public assistance most of her life. Lived in my brother's basement (with man & kids) for years. Hasn't held a job to my knowledge since she was in high school (she's in her 30s). Her 3 older kids have all manner of problems. She stated to me that she had conceived #4 intentionally because the unemployed, drug-addicted guy she was then with "deserved" a child of his own.

 

Yeah - I don't get it either.

[justLisa]

Well I'm sure everyone has an opinion about it. But really to me it seems like one of those topics that never needs a discussion. Just like shopping carts crockpots and big foot.

[Impish]

My step-niece was pregnant out of wedlock for the 4th time, with at least the 3rd guy. She's been on public assistance most of her life. Lived in my brother's basement (with man & kids) for years. Hasn't held a job to my knowledge since she was in high school (she's in her 30s). Her 3 older kids have all manner of problems. She stated to me that she had conceived #4 intentionally because the unemployed, drug-addicted guy she was then with "deserved" a child of his own.

 

Yeah - I don't get it either.

 

Yeah, cause that's an average situation in a 'financial need' situation.

[Catwoman]

Is anyone else waiting for this thread to turn into a massive trainwreck? :toetap05:

 

Because unless we start talking about kilts and cupcakes very soon, it's going to happen.

 

Threads like this never end well.

[Joanne]

OP, I like how you phrased it "why do people in financial crisis *plan* to have children".

 

I think it's a reasonable question. I actively tried to avoid it getting pregnant during tough financial times. Not times when "financial comfortable" was elusive, but during actual challenging times.

 

I was pregnant with my youngest during one of my xh's legend unemployments. I was pregnant before the unemployment, but he lost his job shortly after. It was hell in terms of worry.

[Mrs Mungo]

Personally, we stopped having kids (by actively working on not having them, not by ending pregnancies) once we felt we had the number we could comfortably provide for. It does sometimes bother me a little when people (whom I know well, IRL) who seem *constantly* on the edge of disaster keep having kids. But, It bothers me more when I see people having more kids who don't seem to care much for their kids. Ultimately, though, I give people the same grace and understanding that I would want. It is not my business, any more than it is my business whether a food stamp recipient buys stuff to make her kids a cake or whether people wear shoes in their houses.

[justLisa]

Is anyone else waiting for this thread to turn into a massive trainwreck? :toetap05:

 

Because unless we start talking about kilts and cupcakes very soon, it's going to happen.

 

Threads like this never end well.

 

 

[Melissa in Australia]

lets talk about cupcakes. Mine always have a floury taste. I think I am not beating the butter and sugar enough..

[Catwoman]

 

 

 

 

Thank you. :)

[Elizabeth in MN]

When my daughter was conceived I was married to a man I had been with for seven years, who made a six figure income, and had been living in the same town for a decade (and the same house for three years). We decided to make a baby. Seems like logical thinking, right?

 

Then 9/11 happened.

 

The job disappeared, the bubble burst, he couldn't get a new job and I was unemployable.

 

My point is that life changes. The family in question may be planning on a good and near future. They may be looking at the fact that their fertility is coming to an end. Maybe they are depressed and aware of it and think that a baby will cheer them up. Nobody but them knows what logic went into their decision.

[Lara in Colo]

Your money situation may change, but you only have NOW to make your family the way you want it. If you want your children close together or you are getting too old (in your mind or otherwise) these are things that cannot be fixed later. Time is not always on your side.

That being said--- I have had babies in good (money) times and babies in bad--- I prefer the good times. ,

[Catwoman]

lets talk about cupcakes. Mine always have a floury taste. I think I am not beating the butter and sugar enough..

 

 

Buy them at the cupcake store. Huge selection, and no bowls or pans to clean up afterward.

 

It's a win-win situation. :)

[Mrs Mungo]

lets talk about cupcakes. Mine always have a floury taste. I think I am not beating the butter and sugar enough..

 

 

The mixture should turn fluffy-are you doing it by hand or with a mixer? Adding the eggs one at a time? Are you using cake flour? It has less gluten. Are you packing your flour? That is a no-no. Are you sifting? You should for cakes, IMO.

[Elizabeth in MN]

 

 

 

I want the cupcakes on his nips like pasties, and a cup of tea to sip while he dances for my pleasure *que 'Private Dancer' by Tina Turner*

[Lang Syne Boardie]

If you truly want to understand why a woman has a baby when she can't afford it, you'll have to ask that woman. Individually. Each and every time you wonder.

[justLisa]

Don't make cupcakes. Make this cake instead:

 

Holiday Vodka cake

 

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. baking powder

1 cup water

1 tsp. salt

1 cup brown sugar

Lemon juice

4 large eggs

Nuts

1...bottle Vodka

2 cups dried fruit

 

Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka

again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon of sugar.

Beat again.

At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK.

Try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a

time trying to count it.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a

drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.

Check the Vodka.

Nowshift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink.

Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the

window.

Finish the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat.=

[AK_Mom4]

lets talk about cupcakes. Mine always have a floury taste. I think I am not beating the butter and sugar enough..

 

 

Creaming the butter and sugar til smooth is very important. And beat the eggs in a cup before adding to the batter. But don't stir too much after adding the flour or they get tough.

 

And DH is the only person to whom I am going to dictate how many children he has. Everyone else gets to make their own decisions without my advice.

[Melissa in Australia]

The mixture should turn fluffy-are you doing it by hand or with a mixer? Adding the eggs one at a time? Are you using cake flour? It has less gluten. Are you packing your flour? That is a no-no. Are you sifting? You should for cakes, IMO.

 

 

Ah! problem identified. I am not sifting the flour.

[Catwoman]

Don't make cupcakes. Make this cake instead:

 

Holiday Vodka cake

 

 

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

 

If we want to save this thread, we should probably all start baking that cake right about now.

[kitten18]

 

I want the cupcakes on his nips like pasties, and a cup of tea to sip while he dances for my pleasure *que 'Private Dancer' by Tina Turner*

 

:blink: :smilielol5: :smilielol5: :smilielol5:

[LucyStoner]

Unless by some bizarre turn of events some random person makes me have a baby when I feel like I can't afford to (be it financial or mentally or healthwise- there are many factors of affordability here) then this question is irrelevant to my life. I don't know, I don't much care and I think it very rude for me to ask them or gossip about it. Does that mean I understand quiverful families who live in near squalor and have few if any economic prospects? No, no it does not. But provided I don't have to be the parent of those kids, I don't get a vote.

[newlifemom]

So NE took Houston tonight. How about that.

[SunnyDays]

Don't make cupcakes. Make this cake instead:

 

Holiday Vodka cake

 

 

 

 

 

Can I just say, I adore you beyond measure... :wub:

 

If we all lived closer, we could get together and have a baking party!! :D

[Joanne]

So NE took Houston tonight. How about that.

 

 

That is not a nice topic. I live in Houston (ish). My Facebook won't shut.up.

[Melissa B]

That can be controversial too. :D :D :D

 

Houston has won their division, I think they just weren't trying that hard. :lol:

[Audrey]

I know that this is a controversial and potentially offensive question to some, but I still want to understand.

 

Why do people who are already struggling financially and rely on help from others still plan and have another baby?

 

A family we know who's family supports them becuase the husband is way underemployed (and in the current economy unlikely to get better prospects soon) is pregnant with their third child and the mom says they had planned the pregnancy and had been 'trying for a while'. I have to admit to being quite shocked. It seems very irresponsible.

 

Here there is no financial aid for them from the government, so things like additional child benefits and food aid, etc don't come into play.

 

 

I ask myself the same question frequently. I have very little tolerance for blatant, willful irresponsibility. I just roll my eyes and move on, though. I can think what I like, but in the end, it's not my life to live.

[Elizabeth in MN]

Oh my gosh, can you imagine the scandal that would happen if the lot of us got together and added alcohol to the mix? Every stereotype of homeschooling would be broken, along with many laws. Would we all have matching tattoos in the morning? It'd have to be something in Latin...

[newlifemom]

That is not a nice topic. I like in Houston (ish). My Facebook won't shut.up.

 

 

 

Sorry. I have no dog in that particular fight. [said while backing slowly away and trying to think of a good kilt pic.]

[Ohdanigirl]

Don't make cupcakes. Make this cake instead:

 

Holiday Vodka cake

 

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. baking powder

1 cup water

1 tsp. salt

1 cup brown sugar

Lemon juice

4 large eggs

Nuts

1...bottle Vodka

2 cups dried fruit

 

Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka

again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon of sugar.

Beat again.

At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK.

Try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a

time trying to count it.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a

drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.

Check the Vodka.

Nowshift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink.

Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the

window.

Finish the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat.=

 

 

:laugh:

[nmoira]

Threads like this give me the warm holiday fuzzies. In the spirit of the season:

 

"I wish to be left alone," said Scrooge. "Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned -- they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there."

"Many can't go there; and many would rather die."

"If they would rather die," said Scrooge, "they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Besides -- excuse me -- I don't know that."

"But you might know it," observed the gentleman.

"It's not my business," Scrooge returned. "It's enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people's. Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon, gentlemen!"

[SunnyDays]

Oh my gosh, can you imagine the scandal that would happen if the lot of us got together and added alcohol to the mix? Every stereotype of homeschooling would be broken, along with many laws. Would we all have matching tattoos in the morning? It'd have to be something in Latin...

 

 

Oh golly, no matching tattoos. I'm terrified of needles, alcohol or not. But we could all buy matching fabulous earrings or something. (Yes, I have pierced ears... got 'em done as a kid before I knew I was terrified of needles!! :D )

[Juniper]

So NE took Houston tonight. How about that.

 

 

It was wrong!!!! Just wrong!!!

 

Dh and I went out for a couple hours and when we got home he checked the score, looked at me and said, "It is probably very good I didn't turn on the radio in the car. It would have ruined the evening." ;)

[Mandy in TN]

You know what... sshhh

I like just a little bit of cupcake with tons of sugary, buttercream icing. yummy, yummy icing

 

OTOH, if I were asked my opinion, I would certainly not encourage the idea of someone having a child with the idea of having the govt support said child. However, I agree with others who have said:

 

1. Yeah, it is better to see a child loved with very little material things than a child unloved with a lot.

 

2. The only appropriate response when someone says she is pregnant is to offer congratulations. Her family planning and financial situation are really none of my business.

 

3. If you wait for the perfect time, either you will never procreate or as soon as you do Murphy's Law says that your situation will change.

 

Mandy

[Elizabeth in MN]

Oh golly, no matching tattoos. I'm terrified of needles, alcohol or not. But we could all buy matching fabulous earrings or something. (Yes, I have pierced ears... got 'em done as a kid before I knew I was terrified of needles!! :D )

 

I have to say it. CAN. NOT. RESIST.

 

V@jazzing. We could have matching teApots.

[Reya]

Depends on what you mean by "financial need." If, say, mom stays at home and dad has a job that makes $X per year, and with that, they struggle with the kids they have, then no, I wouldn't have more kids if I were financially dependent on others or if it would make me financially dependent. If dad is temporarily--truely temporarily--out of work, then it depends on the particular circumstances.

 

Financial hardship of that type is temporary, and family is forever.

 

We were in a very risky situation because of the housing market crashing. DH had a secure job where we could, in all honestly afford 12 kids without really changing our lifestyle (as long as they didn't all get expensive extracurriculars!), but because of the TEMPORARY situation, we were dead broke. The situation had to resolve in the next 6 months, one way or another. And we had suffered from fertility issues and miscarriages, so Just letting a year pass us by was not smart. Getting pregnant and STAYING pregnant isn't something we could count on. We had insurance, we had all the baby supplies we "had" to have fore the first year except diapers, and so the total financial impact for the entire year would have been about $400. It made sense to continue trying to get pregnant, and fortunately, it stuck that time.

 

By the time our daughter was born, we were entirely secure again, as we knew we would be, one way or another.

[justLisa]

 

 

Can I just say, I adore you beyond measure... :wub:

 

If we all lived closer, we could get together and have a baking party!! :D

 

 

I would love it. Everyone could bring a favorite recipe and some booze.

 

And I have a parrot.

[Reya]

I also know a family that has 9 kids who is supported partially by very wealthy grandparents. Grandparents said immediately that they were happy for every grandkid they got, and the money would eventually be the kids' anyway, so they were happy for the inheritance to be spent enabling them to have more grandkids.

[Delighted3]

You can always make more money. You can't always make more babies.

Joy

[besroma]

Thanks for the recipe, 425lisamarie!!!

 

Laughing hard and trying not to wake the sleeping baby....

[Susann]

 

I ask myself the same question frequently. I have very little tolerance for blatant, willful irresponsibility. I just roll my eyes and move on, though. I can think what I like, but in the end, it's not my life to live.

:iagree:

I work with a couple now where both are in their late 20's. She had an unplanned pregnancy and married husband #1. She talks about how she didn't love him and her father "forced" her to marry him. She and husband are having problems and she starts working at the library where she meets new guy. She and new guy start affair while she's still married and she becomes pregnant again after knowing him for all of three months. Also, new guy had a 2 year old with girlfriend who he had just broken up with. So, the two of them each have two unplanned pregnancies with two different people in two years. Though they have gone on to get married they are struggling emotionally, financially etc. and there looks like another divorce in the not too distant future. They choose to both work parttime jobs with no benefits.

While I agree it's their life to live, I resent having to pay for their food stamps, health care because neither one of them steps up to change to a job which would provide it. We are in an area where it would be relatively easy to get a full time job w/benefits. In their case, they choose not to be responsible for their family. I'm frustrated because I see children suffering-they talk about their struggles-because these two couldn't control their hormones long enough to set their family up for success. I know this isn't a popular view and there will be flames. But after years of working with families, I feel that our country is losing its sense of self responsibility

ALL children are a blessing, unfortunately, not all parents are a blessing to their children.

[Elizabeth in MN]

I have a parrot.

 

See, my problem is that parrots drive me crazy. When my daughter was almost two my ex decided that it'd be great for him to get an African Grey and then never be home. I almost roasted the blessed bird. When he sold it a year later I did a jig of joy.

[justLisa]

See, my problem is that parrots drive me crazy. When my daughter was almost two my ex decided that it'd be great for him to get an African Grey and then never be home. I almost roasted the blessed bird. When he sold it a year later I did a jig of joy.

 

Some can be very obnoxious. They need an awful lot of training

 

Of course technically I don't know for sure yet because mine is still a new hatchling

[swellmomma]

I have to say it. CAN. NOT. RESIST.

 

V@jazzing. We could have matching teApots.

 

Oh Lord you did NOT just go there. That's it! You are cut off, no more vodka cupcakes for you, you've gone and gotten yourself drunk off them.

[sewingmama]

For the most part I don't care what other people do with their families - it is true that most people have financial ups and downs and you can't really plan a baby around that - especially if you are like me -subfertile - which means I can't plan and can only take them as they come :confused1:

 

But I do know a family that has had NO to very little income for 3-4 years now and the prospects of getting any are slim and they have had 3 babies in this time. I do wonder where the wisdom is in this - if they had less children there would be more for the other's (they currently have 7 children and planning more). The children are not neglected by any means but they don't get birthday or Christmas gifts and they never go anywhere or participate in ANYTHING and everything they need has to be begged for from other people.

 

Having multiple children when your prospects of emplyment are bad in the past, present and future is just asking for difficulties -this I don't really understand.

[Shawna in Texas]

In my case, I only seem to be fertile when broke.