Guest inoubliable Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I would NOT be pleased if my 12-year-old was trying to date, frankly. I think that's far too young to be pairing off, even on group dates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I don't see anything wrong with 'C'! From what it sounds like, it isn't that he hasn't noticed girls or anything, just that it isn't really on his radar so much yet. I think that sounds perfectly appropriate. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I think you need to put the hoo haw on your mother and sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blakereese Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I would NOT be pleased if my 12-year-old was trying to date, frankly. I think that's far too young to be pairing off, even on group dates. :iagree: I would try not to worry about the "competition". Believe me, I completely understand. My oldest son and my nephew are the same age with nephew being 5 weeks older. We hear ALL THE TIME all of the wonderful things he is doing, with the assumption that my son is behind. With the things my nephew is doing, I'm glad my son is "behind". :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 What say The Hive? Well, were it me I would laugh and say, "I'm just happy it's one less year I have to worry about my son knocking some girl up." That's not really what I would be *thinking*, but I would say it to get my point across. I might even add, in a concerned-sounding voice, "You HAVE talked with your son about birth control, right? I know that schooled kids start having sex so young these days ..." Yes, I think 12 is too young. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexi Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 12 is so young. I'm really surprised that the other boy is interested honestly. I would be thrilled that my son didn't care. But it is so frustrating that they compare your son and nephew. There is no reason to. It's hard when family members harp on those things! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I'm just sad that these two kids, who could potentially be best friends and will always be cousins, are being pushed apart because Grandma and SIL would rather point out differences than seek their similarities! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 See I just must be the all up in your face annoying type :lol: I would tell them to stop comparing the kids, and point out that they do not need to reinforce the negative differences. I'm a pretty big advocate for my kids. Well, they tend to say things on their own so I don't have to much, but I would say something in this case. And 12 is a bit young for a girlfriend, though not on PS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I'm just sad that these two kids, who could potentially be best friends and will always be cousins, are being pushed apart because Grandma and SIL would rather point out differences than seek their similarities! No kidding! This is really annoying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 .. My sister and mother think that I am obviously doing something wrong if C isn't going nuts about wanting to hook up with some girl by now. :001_huh: I don't get it. Should I really be concerned?? He's not exactly anti-social or anything! He regularly impresses adults that he meets. He has a great relationship with my best friends (who he refers to as his aunt and uncle). He has no problems with speaking to new people. He's not shy. I think a "girlfriend" just isn't on his radar. And, um, isn't 12 a little young? . Yes, it is a little young. Goodness. They push them so young today. My son has a "girlfriend" but she is just a girl he likes and texts that he rarely gets to see. She is busy with her activities and he with his. I certainly didn't push it and discourage young attachments. So far it is just talk about school and sports and things, so it's ok with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I'm just sad that these two kids, who could potentially be best friends and will always be cousins, are being pushed apart because Grandma and SIL would rather point out differences than seek their similarities! Yeah, the competition aspect really seems strange to me. I'd tell SIL to butt out and something similar to mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I think you need to put the hoo haw on your mother and sister. What is the "hoo haw"? Please, enlighten me...:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 House rule - no dating until you're sixteen and then only in groups. Not that I'm a prude, but s*x happens and I don't want my baby having a baby at the grand old age of 12. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) Yeah no offense, but your mother and sister are WAY OFF BASE here. :iagree: I have a kid that will be 12 in 2 weeks. No way! These so-called relationships at jr. high ages are the result of peer pressure IMO. Ick. :ack2: And the MIL and SIL comparisons are obnoxious on a whole other level. I'd have no problem not engaging or throwing something snarky back at them. ETA - this is your sister and mother!? Yikes. I just assumed it would be inlaws with so much obnoxiousness involved. Edited October 9, 2012 by kck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 The kids in the school I went to started pairing off in 5th and 6th grade, and that was [mumble] years ago. I'm not at all surprised they're pairing off at 12 in 7th grade. But that doesn't mean I think it's healthy. I was really glad (for the most part, though occasionally I wanted a "boyfriend" just because my friends all had them and I felt left out--which is NOT a good reason to get into a relationship) in junior high that my parents had a "no dating until you're 16" rule so I could blame them for my inability to say "yes" to a boy on any level before I was ready. And I'm even more glad in retrospect because I can see that I made much better decisions about dating when I was 16, and 18, and 20 than I would have at 12, and 14, and 16. And it seemed like my friends who started "dating" at 10 or 12 were very much finished with "just" holding hands by the time they were 12 or 14, done with "just" smooching by the time they were 14 or 16, and moving on to bigger things before they graduated from high school. Some of them had to make decisions about pregnancies and marriages at very young ages, or when their "partners" were still very young. I think 16 is plenty old to get started with adult behaviors like pairing off with a member of the opposite sex. I think I would be tempted to tell your mother and sister that you are proud of how much more sensible C is than his cousin when it comes to girls, how much more self-control he exhibits, and how much more respectful he is of women and girls since he doesn't reduce them to objects to be acquired or possessed. But that's just me. The previous poster's suggestion of a calm, heart-felt conversation about the damage that's being done to the cousins' relationship by the constant comparisons would probably be a much more sensible approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I think you need to put the hoo haw on your mother and sister. :iagree: And then some!!! Well, were it me I would laugh and say, "I'm just happy it's one less year I have to worry about my son knocking some girl up." That's not really what I would be *thinking*, but I would say it to get my point across. I might even add, in a concerned-sounding voice, "You HAVE talked with your son about birth control, right? I know that schooled kids start having sex so young these days ..." I love that response! I would tell them to stop comparing the kids, and point out that they do not need to reinforce the negative differences. I'm a pretty big advocate for my kids. Well, they tend to say things on their own so I don't have to much, but I would say something in this case. :iagree: I would do the exact same thing, and if Grandma and SIL continued making the divisive comments, I think my child would be spending a LOT less time with them. FWIW, I would be RELIEVED that my 12yo didn't want a girlfriend!!! (And right now, my ds12 has no interest in girls whatsoever, so I am a very happy mom!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Wow, really? My pldest dc will be 12 this year we'd be having a serious talk if he wanted/had a gf. I would let it go. It seems like kids in ps "date" a lot sooner than they should. Not healthy, imo. My ds' best friend is in ps and last year, in 5th grade, there was a dance. The boy's mother (who is my friend) asked if my ds wanted to go. I was like...ummm...no thanks. I was kinda put off that the ps was having a DANCE for fifth graders. To each their own. I certainly didn't have to send my ds (not like I skipped a beat saying no). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Oh my goodness- my high school senior doesn't date- by her own choice, but she's also never been asked. Of course she notices which young men are funnier & smarter and slightly-less troll-like (is there really no winking-haha smiley?) than the other guys, but she sees no need for it... and has no desire for heartache. A girlfriend at 12? WHY? Your son is fine. He "wins" this one. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 What is the "hoo haw"? Please, enlighten me...:tongue_smilie: It's what my dh would call one of my made up words. It has to do with mighty righteous momma bear anger. You do not want a hoo haw on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I think you need to put the hoo haw on your mother and sister. :lol: This says it perfectly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kissy Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I think every person is different and kids start liking the opposite sex at different ages. It has nothing to do with maturity some to do with puberty and a lot to do with peer pressure. Kids want to act out what they see on tv, in life, and everywhere else it makes them feel like they are living it up. My son wanted a gf at 13 and I told him he could call a girl his gf but they couldn't not date. That only lasted a month before they got on each others nerves. I do not think supervised visits or just calling a girl your gf would make things progress to the next level. I think the other boys mother should be more concerned about him going on group dates and to a girls house. He should be monitored if he is allowed to see her outside of school. His mom should be right there with them the whole time. My son is now 14 and has a gf and she has been with us to church and lunch. She goes with our family places but they stay in sight at all times. I don't think there is anything wrong with this boy for wanting a gf but I do think there is something wrong with his mother for letting it go the way it is. Her son might be the first daddy too. I also don't think there is anything wrong with your son not wanting a gf and I think you should be relieved. From a mom of a boy who really wants me to loosen the reigns and just let him go it is a struggle when they start wanting to date and you know they aren't ready. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) Nm Edited October 9, 2012 by WordGirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Oh brother. He sounds fine. Twelve is very young. I really hope my kids aren't interested at 12. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomemom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yeah no offense, but your mother and sister are WAY OFF BASE here. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, 7th is a world of difference from 6th. The influences in school are probably great to date, and dn is responding to that. That isn't necessarily something for his mother to be proud of. :001_huh: From my observations, level of maturity and desire to date are often actually inverse qualities in young teens. Your son is in good shape. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 :iagree: Your mom and sister are way out of line, and you need some boundaries. kwim? I think you need to put the hoo haw on your mother and sister. :iagree: Well, were it me I would laugh and say, "I'm just happy it's one less year I have to worry about my son knocking some girl up." That's not really what I would be *thinking*, but I would say it to get my point across. I might even add, in a concerned-sounding voice, "You HAVE talked with your son about birth control, right? I know that schooled kids start having sex so young these days ..." Yes, I think 12 is too young. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I think what is normal for one is not necessarily normal for another. At 12 my ds was not interested in having a girlfriend in spite of the fact that his school friends were all pairing off. At 13 he had his first summer girlfriend. They met at the pool with friends. Texted non-stop. Went to Dunkin' Donuts a couple of time. She even came over here and watched a movie while his little sister chaperoned. (Too this day, I am still shocked at this one. I was expecting to spend a few minutes meeting mom and all. They rang the bell. I introduced myself and she said I will be back at x time. Thanks) At the end of this 3 week romance she cheated on him and went back to her old boyfriend. Honestly, I think he was more upset when his goldfish died a week later. This past summer he had another summer girlfriend. They met at the pool once. Texted a lot. Then her family went on a 3 week vacation. Needless to say this relationship didn't last, either. Long story longer, tell your mom and sister to back off, cut it out, shut the heck up, or the more polite smile and nod, please pass the bean dip. Your son is fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Oh, thank GOD we homeschool! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tidbits of Learning Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I could have written your post but about my daughter and my niece. The height thing, the classes and activities thing, and especially the boy/girl part. I honestly think that it is a following the crowd thing. I had boyfriends in middle school and met up with groups and such, but so did everyone in middle school. My dd12 has a cousin dn13. dn13 has had about 5 boyfriends this year. At first, I was a little shocked by the amount of "dating" at that age, but then I remembered meeting friends at the mall and walking around with my "boyfriend". Personally, I am happy that dd12 is just to the texting boys stage and crushes stage. I do feel that dn13 is becoming more accelerated with certain types of maturity and experience than dd12. Honestly, I am glad dd12 doesn't have to deal with the drama, emotions, and hormones brought on by these pubescent relationships. These kids are not going to be boyfriend and girlfriend forever but they use terms like in a relationship. My dd doesn't have to worry about that right now and I am glad. My dh has 5 younger sisters. So far 3 have gotten pregnant their senior year or just after graduation. I don't get encouraging relationships at this age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puma Mom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 This will only get worse--the chasm between how your dn and your ds are living and being raised. Find people who think like you do with slightly older kids and gauge what is right off of them instead of off of your family. My boys are 22 and 19. Neither have dated. The older, less social one went straight into a serious, leading-to-marriage relationship after having been friends with her for 5 years. She's awesome, and they make each other better people. The younger, VERY social, one has tons of female friends but also plans to fore-go recreational dating in favor of enjoying his (male and female) friends until it's obvious that a particular someone is meant for him. Boys can 'like girls' and still not date. It might not be typical these days, but I really hate for anyone to use THAT as their yardstick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 No way a 12yo, regardless of grade level, should be "dating." :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I think you need to put the hoo haw on your mother and sister. :iagree: I'm not sure what a "hoo haw" is, but it's such a cool phrase that I definitely think you should put it on them! Your 12yo is just fine. Stop listening to those folks when they start making comparisons and remarks about your parenting. Being relatives doesn't give them a free pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firestar Academy Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Oh brother. He sounds fine. Twelve is very young. I really hope my kids aren't interested at 12. :iagree: I don't see anything wrong with 'C'! From what it sounds like, it isn't that he hasn't noticed girls or anything, just that it isn't really on his radar so much yet. I think that sounds perfectly appropriate. :) :iagree: I think you need to put the hoo haw on your mother and sister. :lol::lol: and sooo this!! Robin in NJ mom to a 12 dd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 My response is bifurcated: 1. The "relationship" status of the 12 year olds both seem reasonable. I don't see anything outrageous from either family in terms of sheltering or freedom. 2. The weird competition and intrusive vibe is what is not healthy. I would not demonize/disaparage the 12 year old's interest in a girl or group dates. I would not make THAT the content at all. I'd be finding assertive ways to put boundaries around family dynamics and behavior. The sex/reproduction talks and the vaccinations are a sypmtom of the problem - the *content* of those decisions should not be the discussion but g'ma's role should be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemongoose Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I'm just sad that these two kids, who could potentially be best friends and will always be cousins, are being pushed apart because Grandma and SIL would rather point out differences than seek their similarities! :iagree: This is what happened to me and one of my cousins (it was cousins mom). We are not friends as adults (no animosity, just not close). Aunt now does it with cousins kids vs my kids.:glare: I agree that 12 is young for dating. I think "C" is normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 OK...cuz I always thought it was another term for one's girly bits. :001_huh: Different places and folks, different meanings! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Why do they have to make it a competition? That is awful. I have a brother who is constantly comparing my kids to his and I just have to ignore, ignore, ignore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 My kiddos started attending a Christian school this year. It is a pretty conservative, small school. The other day, my 5 year old came home talking about boyfriends and girlfriends. I was quite shocked! :001_huh: I started wondering where these kids get these things. I guess it's natural??? So if my 5 year old is talking about it, it certainly doesn't shock me that a 12 year old would be wanting a girlfriend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I started wondering where these kids get these things. I guess it's natural??? So if my 5 year old is talking about it, it certainly doesn't shock me that a 12 year old would be wanting a girlfriend. It's only "natural" if the parents or older siblings are giving them the idea, or they're learning about it from friends who learned from older kids or clueless parents. I sincerely doubt that most 5yos are interested in the opposite sex as anything other than innocent playmates. The boyfriend-girfriend terminology has to be learned from someone; otherwise I doubt a 5yo would even think of it. Needless to say, my ds wasn't thinking about girlfriends when he was 5. Thankfully, he doesn't want one at 12, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 It's only "natural" if the parents or older siblings are giving them the idea, or they're learning about it from friends who learned from older kids or clueless parents. I sincerely doubt that most 5yos are interested in the opposite sex as anything other than innocent playmates. The boyfriend-girfriend terminology has to be learned from someone; otherwise I doubt a 5yo would even think of it. Needless to say, my ds wasn't thinking about girlfriends when he was 5. Thankfully, he doesn't want one at 12, either. From talking to my dd about it, it sounds like the title of "boyfriend" goes to the boy that the girl likes playing with the most. I am sure that there are kids with older siblings who talk about these things at home (we certainly don't!). My ds wasn't thinking about girldriends when he was 5 either. Maybe this is just what happens in a school setting? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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