I don't get it--people *not* getting married

[Seasider]

...BTW, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have been "not married" for over 30 years. They can't be the only non-married couple with such a relationship.

 

Actually, I thought I heard recently that they split.

[AdventureMoms]

::shrug:: I don't get why it's a big deal. I got married as soon as possible for us, for the legal protections. However, if someone else chooses to set up their family in a different way, legally speaking, I consider that none of my concern. I was in a committed relationship with my DW for many years and 3 children before we were married. Marriage didn't change a darn thing for our regular lives. Except I started calling her DW instead of DP, and a few tax issues were simplified (and a few others were made more complex, but that's due to our iffy legal status). It did give us some legal protections that I'm happy to have, but again, I don't get up in arms because someone else makes the choice for WHATEVER REASON not to.

 

I have a cousin who has been with her husband for over a decade. They have two children together, own a house together, are clearly together for the long haul. They got married last weekend. They had been engaged for 7 years (since several years before the birth of the first child). I really don't know why they didn't just go get married, but frankly, it's none of my business. They were still good parents before marriage, just as DW and I were good parents before marriage.

[catz]

I don't see a problem with not being married. I prefer marriage - for ME - but it's none of my business what other couples do.

 

 

:iagree: The people I know who are living together but not married seem to be the ones most damaged by their own parents marriage (or lack there-of). Which is sad IMO, but whatever works for them. I don't think it's my place to judge other people's commitment levels.

 

:iagree: You can't judge someone's commitment to each other and their children by their legal status. Especially given how many loving couples legally can't get married in our society.

 

 

 

:iagree:

[dbmamaz]

Things have changed A LOT in the last ten years.

If you think this is a new trend in the last 10 years, you need to take a look at your modern history.

 

I was not married when i had my first child 20 year ago and no one in my social circle thought it was at all unusual. in fact, when I later married that man, some of my friends were disappointed.

 

The reason I didnt get married? Why should the government have anything to say about my life? I dont need the government's permission to live with the person I love or to have children or to create a nurturing family home. Obviously, i'm not a religious person . . .

 

I finally did marry my first husband because he was feeling insecure and thought it would make things better. (It didnt. i had to charge him with assault and get a protective order to get him out of the house 4 years later).

 

I married my second husband because he is canadian and wanted the security of a green card.

[annandatje]

Truly, I don't care. Stand in a field and tell the moon you'll be together forever. Just don't do something that is supposed to be permanent (building a family) while still using the language of a casual relationship. "Boyfriend" refers to someone you are with FOR NOW. "Husband" is the person you plan to be with forever.

 

So it is their language you are objecting to, not their cohabitation?

 

Meh. My husband still feels like a boyfriend to me after 30+ years. I have introduced him as my husband, my partner, or whatever situation calls for. I do not consider my marital status to be anyone's concern but my own.

 

Frankly I do not consider it any of my business whether my neighbors are in compliance with my own moral code regarding family life as long as they are reasonable people who take care of their families, do not break the law, and are not busybodies.

 

By the way, if a couple are cohabiting, they are well past dating stage even if they have a regular date night.

 

My partner looks older than I do, and we started our family relatively late in life. He has been asked if our children are from his current marriage. We each have only been married to each other. Sometimes what people say when they're grasping for casual conversation can sound unintentionally rude or invasive. Cut them some slack. I got the "do they all have the same father" question when I was out in public with my kids, foster kids, and friends' kids.

[Lady Florida.]

Actually, I thought I heard recently that they split.

 

Aw, I didn't know that. Still, they lasted as long or longer than many married couples.

[LucyStoner]

Now I'm curious. What culture doesn't include marriage??

 

Some ethnic groups in China. Some subcultures here in the US don't place a high value on it before kids. For some, marriage is a DIY thing without government sanction.

[stripe]

Someone at a party last year actually said that to me, that she and her live-in boyfriend weren't going to get married because otherwise they would lose their benefits.

 

yeah, a lot of seniors do this, even Pat Robertson said divorce was okay in this case, didn't he?

[mumto2]

Many of my home ed friends in real life are not married. The thing that amazes me is when they speculate on who or what type of man their dd's will marry. I have even had conversations with the male half of these couples-- they are very conventional when it comes to their daughters!:lol

[PIE!]

I'll go ahead and be unpopular.

 

It does make me sad how lightly marriage is treated. I know it's not a new thing. It's not my business how other people lead their lives and I will never give unsolicited advice. But it does make me sad to see families with unwed parents. To me it's not just a piece of paper. It's an official declaration in front of witnesses that you are committed to each other for the rest of your lives. That's something good for kids to grow up with.

 

The current divorce rate makes me sad also. I would never want to live in a country that doesn't allow divorce. It is necessary sometimes. But the idea of throw-away marriages makes me at least as sad as those who have kids without ever marrying.

 

Again - I know I have no right to tell people what to do or what to believe. I don't want my freedom taken, and would never wish that of others. But marriage and family is a big deal to me, and I hate to see the society I live in disregard it so much.

[Lady Florida.]

Not the OP, but for me, the risk is that living in sin is seen as "normal" rather than something problematic. I don't care whether a married couple got hitched civilly or spiritually or both, but I do think cohabitation without some sort of formal marriage is sinful.

 

Not everyone believes there is a such thing as sin.

 

That's interesting. I've just never worried about other people's actions affecting my own morality and ethics when it's their own lives and don't apply to me, KWIM? Sort of difficult for me to wrap my head around being concerned over that.

 

 

:iagree:

 

::shrug:: I don't get why it's a big deal. I got married as soon as possible for us, for the legal protections.

 

I'm glad to hear you live in a state where that's possible.

[SKL]

I used to work with a guy who had two daughters and was in a committed relationship with their mother. He said "I don't want to get married just because I have kids." His fiance wanted to get married. I think he was just being a rebel. I don't know if or when he finally got married.

 

He was from a subculture in which many dads don't marry their kids' moms. But unlike many, he was most definitely a father to them. He was well-educated and both parents were employed full-time, so it wasn't about welfare, either.

[Scrub Jay]

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins recently broke up. I believe Kurt and Goldie are still going strong.

 

And given that marriages can end after decades together, I don't really see how not being married would apply to Susan and Tim breaking up.

[WishboneDawn]

Legal protection - many jurisdictions now have legal protections for those in common law marriages.

 

That makes me wonder what people here think marriage is. Is it a ceremony, a slip of paper or an ongoing and successful commitment? I had the first two and I'm not sure what they truly contributed to the fact that I also have the third.

[Scrub Jay]

I think a lot of this really depends on a person's mindset. Obviously, if you have some sort of outside source telling you that cohabiting or having children outside of marriage is bad and you feel the need to follow this source, then it would be an issue for you. Maybe you would not feel your relationship with your SO is strong enough without the actual marriage to back it up with.

 

DH and I were engaged AND cohabiting together for 4 1/2 years. We were 100% committed and in no rush to be married (waited until I was done with grad school). We have now been married for almost 11 years. Honestly, I don't view our commitment to each other any different now than I did in 1997. Our relationship has changed, as would make sense with age and children but the actual commitment is the same as it was when we were 21.

[Seasider]

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins recently broke up. I believe Kurt and Goldie are still going strong. You are right, my mistake!

 

And given that marriages can end after decades together, I don't really see how not being married would apply to Susan and Tim breaking up.

 

I didn't really mean to call attention to it with regard to their marital status (or lack thereof), it was just a stray comment. Sorry to distract from the actual topic.

[cdrumm4448]

yeah, a lot of seniors do this, even Pat Robertson said divorce was okay in this case, didn't he?

 

Pat Robertson is not someone I pay a lot of attention to.

[cdrumm4448]

I'll go ahead and be unpopular.

 

It does make me sad how lightly marriage is treated. I know it's not a new thing. It's not my business how other people lead their lives and I will never give unsolicited advice. But it does make me sad to see families with unwed parents. To me it's not just a piece of paper. It's an official declaration in front of witnesses that you are committed to each other for the rest of your lives. That's something good for kids to grow up with.

 

The current divorce rate makes me sad also. I would never want to live in a country that doesn't allow divorce. It is necessary sometimes. But the idea of throw-away marriages makes me at least as sad as those who have kids without ever marrying.

 

Again - I know I have no right to tell people what to do or what to believe. I don't want my freedom taken, and would never wish that of others. But marriage and family is a big deal to me, and I hate to see the society I live in disregard it so much.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

You're not as unpopular as you think.

[lynn]

I'm cranky today so if you are easily offended you might want to stop reading. This is a total vent and I know some will disagree with me. I'm wearing my big girl panties so I'm okay with that.

 

I honestly think that DH and I might be the only married couple on our street. I don't get it. Most of these people aren't even engaged, just boyfriend/girlfriend couples. They don't have some philosophical opposition to marriage. They own a house and have kids together so it isn't like anyone can easily walk away.

 

I was talking to a young neighbor today (she has a child, he has a child, they live together and are..dating, I guess, not engaged) and she happily announced that she is pregnant. I really am not a prude but it took me a second to respond. I'm not that old and I remember when you didn't announce that you were pregnant until after the wedding. Things have changed A LOT in the last ten years.

 

And, while I'm venting I'm throwing this out there--the next person that asks me, IN FRONT OF MY KIDS, if they all have the same Dad, just might get a punch in the throat :glare:.

 

DH and I have been married 22 years our children are 19, 17, 12 and 6 and I can't tell you how many people ask me if this was my second marriage like it never crossed their mind that I can have children far apart in age in 1 marriage. Or maybe it's that oldest ds blonde and blue eyes and looks like our extended families but different from his siblings.

[lea_lpz]

but I am not actually legally married :lol:...ok, whew, I said it, and I consider myself a Christian, but here is the thing, and you can disagree with me, but I feel like genuinely, in the eyes of God, we are married.

 

Now, let's see. I am not opposed to marriage. It's just at this point, I guess I tend to get busy with life and the whole, ok, let's get married someday does not come to mind.

 

When we began dating, we were not Christians. Well, I mean were not actively living a Christian lifestyle. We were sexually active before marriage, we moved in together before we were wed, God was not a major focus for either of us and we only sparodically attended church during holidays or sacrements of family members. We were both raised Catholic and our families were mostly "Catholic" in the same degree we were.

 

About 9 months after we moved together, I got pregnant with our first child while on the pill. It was far from planned. I had just finished my first year of college at a major university. But, we were happy, our relationship was going strong, we were considering the idea of getting married after I finished college anyway and having kids within a year or two of marriage, so we figured we'd keep the baby, and if things were going well we'd get married after I graduated.

 

When my daughter was about 10 months old, we started talking about the idea of having another child. We planned to have a small wedding in the summer and trying for baby number 2 right after. My family said they wanted me to wait because my sister had already been planning her wedding (an eloborate wedding) and I would "steal her thunder" if I wed before or a little after she did, even if I wanted something very low key. And, we shouldn't plan any more kids yet.

 

Ok. We didn't get married but went ahead with planning our second child.

We were self sufficient in supporting ourselves and our child and we're living like a married couple so we figured what did it matter.

 

Then, life has just caught up with us. We had begun discussing getting married about a year and half ago, but it just felt sort of unnecessary considering the amount of money we'd spend for someone to "legally" make us a family. My family was a big deterrent in me wanting to have a wedding. They wanted it Catholic, but we had started attending a non denominational Christian church, and have continued together for the past two years. We're new Christians, new to homeschooling, and still growing in our faith. My family wanted a big wedding. I don't have time to plan something like that nor the desire to spend money on something like that when we don't even own our own home yet. Different priorities.

 

Now, from a moral stand point, yes, I've wondered if what we are doing is wrong, and if we should get married, even if at a courthouse with just us and the kids, but this would probably create some backlash from my family. But, ultimately, we're a family and we're commited to each other for life. So, I don't see it as being a bad thing.

[TranquilMind]

MelissaD:I'm cranky today so if you are easily offended you might want to stop reading. This is a total vent and I know some will disagree with me. I'm wearing my big girl panties so I'm okay with that.

 

I honestly think that DH and I might be the only married couple on our street. I don't get it. Most of these people aren't even engaged, just boyfriend/girlfriend couples. They don't have some philosophical opposition to marriage. They own a house and have kids together so it isn't like anyone can easily walk away.

 

I know. WTH is up with that??

 

I was talking to a young neighbor today (she has a child, he has a child, they live together and are..dating, I guess, not engaged) and she happily announced that she is pregnant. I really am not a prude but it took me a second to respond. I'm not that old and I remember when you didn't announce that you were pregnant until after the wedding. Things have changed A LOT in the last ten years.

 

Laughing. Let me pick up my cane and scoot over so you can sit on my bench in the sun.

 

And, while I'm venting I'm throwing this out there--the next person that asks me, IN FRONT OF MY KIDS, if they all have the same Dad, just might get a punch in the throat :glare:.

 

Yes!

[BigMamaBird]

Well, I have an odd point of view that my parents think is just WRONG for a conservative Christian to have ha ha.

 

I personally believe that if in your religion, you believe marriage is a sacred covenant, important, etc. then by all means you should follow your religious convictions. I have done this and am married and firmly stand on my beliefs.

 

However, I also believe that if you aren't religious or you don't have a religious conviction for marriage; why get married?! Just because it is popular just doesn't seem like a good enough reason.

 

This is the way I've been leaning. I just see so many marriages which end in divorce and I wonder if they got hitched simply because it's an expected convention?

[ktgrok]

To add another dimension, the catholic church, and some others, teach that the priest does NOT marry the couple. The couple marries themselves, with their vows. The priest is only a witness. So two people that made similar vows, with the full intent of marriage, would be married in the eyes of God.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think the people taking marriage lightly are those who rush into marriage and/or divorce.

 

It is not really my business who is/is not married or who is on their first, second or third marriage.

[Jennifer3141]

I think the people taking marriage lightly are those who rush into marriage and/or divorce.

 

It is not really my business who is/is not married or who is on their first, second or third marriage.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

As long as I'm not the party involved, other people's marital statuses are none of my business.

 

I married DH only because he would always have a higher income level than I and I wanted protection in case we had kids. Without that, I doubt I would have married. We're both atheists. We don't care what god thinks of our relationship and neither of us cared with the government thought either. :lol::lol:

[Mommyfaithe]

Yep, I agree, things have changed a lot. I am not sure what the consequences for the kids will be. But since I'm a single adoptive mom, I don't mind it so much if society doesn't automatically expect all kids to live in traditional families.

 

We can only talk to our own kids and wish for the best.

 

ETA: I can't believe people ask that kind of question in front of children. People are stupid.

 

One of our pediatricians asked dh and I that question when we brought in our kids ( then 4) for checkups. When I said yes, indeed they were....he shook his head and said "you don't see that much anymore". We got a new pediatrician.:glare:

[elegantlion]

In addition I have 3-4 young friends (20s) who are in committed relationships but are so afraid to get married because of their parents own bad example of what a marriage is.

[Mommyfaithe]

To add another dimension, the catholic church, and some others, teach that the priest does NOT marry the couple. The couple marries themselves, with their vows. The priest is only a witness. So two people that made similar vows, with the full intent of marriage, would be married in the eyes of God.

 

Wow! I agree with the catholic church! I think of dh and my marriage certificate as a legal contract issued by the government to acknowledge my marriage vows and commitment to dh....not really what made us married. We were MARRIED way before then. We only legally married as a protection for our kids.

[TranquilMind]

Wait, why? What is the risk in living in this neighborhood?

 

Maybe it's in the water...:tongue_smilie:

[Wildiris]

Why so offended?

I've not been married for 30 years. A piece of paper does not make a commitment last.

 

MIL is a wedding coordinator and FIL is a retired minister. As they help people walk down the aisle, they can spot the ones that will last decades into old age and the ones that will end up divorced a few years along. Too many end up divorced. Just think about what divorce does to the kids. I'd rather be unmarried in a happy family than be married and headed for divorce court, shuttling kids between two houses.

 

It is hard to find the right name for my significant other. Should it be baby daddy, or lover, or......Dear Loved One, or simply Dear Husband. Do I need to be married to say that?

 

To add another dimension, the catholic church, and some others, teach that the priest does NOT marry the couple. The couple marries themselves, with their vows. The priest is only a witness. So two people that made similar vows, with the full intent of marriage, would be married in the eyes of God.

 

I'm not Catholic, but this sound like me.

 

 

 

[Jpoy85]

It's not your relationship so you don't really need to get it. Am I missing something? What difference does it make to you if they are married or not? It seems like you are finding the decisions other people offensive pretty easily.

 

Although I do agree that asking if your kids have the same dad is pretty rude.

 

:iagree:

[Lolly]

Wait, why? What is the risk in living in this neighborhood?

 

No risk at all. Just that the op doesn't seem to fit in there. I would prefer to live in a neighborhood that I felt more comfortable in. One where my values were more normal for the neighborhood. I like to feel somewhat in the "normal" crowd. If I weren't married to my spouse (but were just living together having kids), I'd rather live in a neighborhood where that was more the norm. If I valued marriage as the core of a family relationship, I had rather live in a neighborhood where the people felt similarly. It doesn't seem to me that this is the case for the op. There are plenty of neighborhoods out there where the majority of families would be formed under the bond of marriage. I think I would have to go out of my way to find a neighborhood that wasn't like that. So, if I were she, I would just move.

[stripe]

Pat Robertson is not someone I pay a lot of attention to.

Well, me neither, but my point is, it's not just "kids these days." It's the old folks who want to double up on social security.

[TranquilMind]

Wildiris: Why so offended?

 

I've not been married for 30 years. A piece of paper does not make a commitment last.

 

MIL is a wedding coordinator and FIL is a retired minister.

 

 

 

I don't think the OP is "offended". Just confuses that the new norm is so undefined that people don't assume couples with kids are married and don't assume the kids are all from a single union.

 

However, I am confused by the above. If you are not married (as you put it), how do you have a MIL and FIL? The first is a prerequisite for the second.

 

It is hard to find the right name for my significant other. Should it be baby daddy, or lover, or......Dear Loved One, or simply Dear Husband. Do I need to be married to say that?

 

 

Yes, you need to be married to have a husband.:confused: Otherwise, it is some other relationship.

To add another dimension, the catholic church, and some others, teach that the priest does NOT marry the couple. The couple marries themselves, with their vows. The priest is only a witness. So two people that made similar vows, with the full intent of marriage, would be married in the eyes of God.

 

I married in the Catholic Church and this doesn't sound quite right, but I will have to look it up. Yes, you marry each other but only a priest can make it a sacrament.

[Dustybug]

My view of marriage is completely born out of my worldview...which is Biblical and Christian. Not everyone shares my worldview, obviously. And I think it shouldn't be surprising that many people have not only shed a traditional view of marriage, but also rejected the need for it at all. Many people believe marriage is a human construct....created by people for our own benefit, or for the benefit of society. And now, that benefit is questionable. With the divorce rate what it is, I might tend to agree with them.

 

I believe marriage is God-made, God-ordained, and therefore important, sacred, and moral. That's MY view, informed by my faith.

 

I'm not saying that people who do not share my faith do not also value marriage. MANY do. But I think as "The-Bible-Says-It-And-I-Believe-It" view of the world declines in our society, we will also see less of a need for marriage.

 

As a Christian, I don't judge those who don't claim the Christian faith for their family choices.

 

:iagree:

[ktgrok]

I married in the Catholic Church and this doesn't sound quite right, but I will have to look it up. Yes, you marry each other but only a priest can make it a sacrament.

 

You need the priest to witness it, to make sure the vows are given freely. But as I was taught in my graduate level class on Catholicism, and later by a priest, the priest does NOT marry the couple. The couple marries each other, and the priest witnesses it.

[justamouse]

And, while I'm venting I'm throwing this out there--the next person that asks me, IN FRONT OF MY KIDS, if they all have the same Dad, just might get a punch in the throat :glare:.

 

Ohhh yuck. Really? I have a gaggle of kids and I NEVER get asked that. Though it could be the ring on my finger...;)

[MindyD]

I won't go into it, but I'll just say that I agree with the op. I think it's sad more and more kids are growing up with so many rotating people in their lives. I also think that marriage is so much more than a piece of paper. I've seen enough families live like that. I haven't see any benefit but a lot of negative issues as a result.

[ktgrok]

Found an article that explains the history of marriage in the R.Catholic church. This article lines up with what I was taught in my grad school class on this topic as well. http://www.netplaces.com/catholicism/milestones-of-a-catholic-life/the-marriage-vows.htm

[DawnM]

It is a big deal to me as well.

 

I'll go ahead and be unpopular.

 

It does make me sad how lightly marriage is treated. I know it's not a new thing. It's not my business how other people lead their lives and I will never give unsolicited advice. But it does make me sad to see families with unwed parents. To me it's not just a piece of paper. It's an official declaration in front of witnesses that you are committed to each other for the rest of your lives. That's something good for kids to grow up with.

 

The current divorce rate makes me sad also. I would never want to live in a country that doesn't allow divorce. It is necessary sometimes. But the idea of throw-away marriages makes me at least as sad as those who have kids without ever marrying.

 

Again - I know I have no right to tell people what to do or what to believe. I don't want my freedom taken, and would never wish that of others. But marriage and family is a big deal to me, and I hate to see the society I live in disregard it so much.

[Scrub Jay]

I won't go into it, but I'll just say that I agree with the op. I think it's sad more and more kids are growing up with so many rotating people in their lives. I also think that marriage is so much more than a piece of paper. I've seen enough families live like that. I haven't see any benefit but a lot of negative issues as a result.

 

Just because parents are not married doesn't mean kids are dealing with people rotating in their lives.

[Saille]

I could care less about people and their relationship status. But I would really scratch my head if someone asked me that about my kids.

 

My youngest sister is 14 years younger than I am, and this question used to annoy us to no end. That and, "Oh, was she a surprise?" It all felt like a calculated way of telling my mom it wasn't normal to have a large gap between children, or to have a child at 38, or whatever. I tend to be the person who never asks...then six months later someone says, "You didn't KNOW?" I figure if someone wants me to know, they'll tell me.

[BakersDozen]

 

Creating a family is grown-up business and I don't get the impression that these people are taking that seriously.

The thing that bothers me most about this trend of living together and having dc is the attitude I've come across in my Due Date boards: "We're going to have a baby together to see if our relationship is meant to be/will work." :001_huh: Cohabitate if you want but for goodness' sake do NOT use an innocent child who has no choice in the matter as your experiment!!

[OrganicAnn]

I've always thought that the children of co-habitating unmarried parents were at some significant economic disadvantage. I'm not sure where I got that idea or if it is only if the couple breaks up. I'm sure part of the idea has to do with things like insurance, but that has changed over the years. You don't have to be married to have your kids on your insurance.

 

Are kids of divorced parents better off economically than kids of unmarried parents? I've read that children of divorced parents are less likely to get a college education and are less well off economically. I assume that it would be the same if not worse for children of unmarried parents who have broken up.

 

What I don't understand when I hear about a unmarried couple with kids and the woman complains that she had been waiting for 10+ years for the man to ask her to marry him and gets disappointed every year when it doesn't happen.

 

I do like being married, I would recommend it.

[cdrumm4448]

Well, me neither, but my point is, it's not just "kids these days." It's the old folks who want to double up on social security.

 

I never said it was just kids. The woman who made the remark to me last summer was in her 50s. She was talking about her ex-husband's SS benefits to her that would cease if she remarried.

[cdrumm4448]

The thing that bothers me most about this trend of living together and having dc is the attitude I've come across in my Due Date boards: "We're going to have a baby together to see if our relationship is meant to be/will work." :001_huh: Cohabitate if you want but for goodness' sake do NOT use an innocent child who has no choice in the matter as your experiment!!

 

DH's cousin did just this thing. She's in her 30s and freaking out that she hasn't found a husband. So, she met a guy and within a few months got pregnant on purpose. They are living together now to see if the relationship will "work out". How sad for the child that the mother put her own needs ahead of his own. Recently, they've decided they think it will "work out" and are now engaged. I'm sure, in addition to the baby shower I attended for this person, that I will now be invited to her wedding shower.

 

I won't be attending.

[JoLuRu]

The thing that bothers me most about this trend of living together and having dc is the attitude I've come across in my Due Date boards: "We're going to have a baby together to see if our relationship is meant to be/will work." :001_huh: Cohabitate if you want but for goodness' sake do NOT use an innocent child who has no choice in the matter as your experiment!!

 

:iagree:

[justamouse]

To add another dimension, the catholic church, and some others, teach that the priest does NOT marry the couple. The couple marries themselves, with their vows. The priest is only a witness. So two people that made similar vows, with the full intent of marriage, would be married in the eyes of God.

 

Yes, BUT it's a holy sacrament. You can't make it sound like two kids off the street can say they are married and it's the same, you know?

 

It's a hefty vow, a lifetime one, and you can't equate these people with their multiple baby daddys shacking up as a marriage.

 

A sperm donor isn't a father, nor is he a husband, no matter what their living arrangement.

 

about

A Supernatural Institution:

 

In the Catholic Church, however, marriage is more than a natural institution; it was elevated by Christ Himself, in His participation in the wedding at Cana (John 2:1-11), to be one of the seven sacraments. A marriage between two Christians, therefore, has a supernatural element as well as a natural one. While few Christians outside of the Catholic and Orthodox Churches regard marriage as a sacrament, the Catholic Church insists that marriage between any two baptized Christians, as long as it is entered into with the intention to contract a true marriage, is a sacrament.

 

A Supernatural Institution:

 

In the Catholic Church, however, marriage is more than a natural institution; it was elevated by Christ Himself, in His participation in the wedding at Cana (John 2:1-11), to be one of the seven sacraments. A marriage between two Christians, therefore, has a supernatural element as well as a natural one. While few Christians outside of the Catholic and Orthodox Churches regard marriage as a sacrament, the Catholic Church insists that marriage between any two baptized Christians, as long as it is entered into with the intention to contract a true marriage, is a sacrament.

 

The Ministers of the Sacrament:

 

How can a marriage between two non-Catholic but baptized Christians be a sacrament, if a Catholic priest does not perform the marriage? Most people, including most Roman Catholics, do not realize that the ministers of the sacrament are the spouses themselves. While the Church strongly encourages Catholics to marry in the presence of a priest (and to have a wedding Mass, if both prospective spouses are Catholic), strictly speaking, a priest is not needed.

 

The Mark and Effect of the Sacrament:

 

The spouses are the ministers of the sacrament of marriage because the mark—the external sign—of the sacrament is not the wedding Mass or anything the priest might do but the marriage contract itself. This does not mean the wedding license that the couple receives from the state, but the vows that each spouse makes to the other. As long as each spouse intends to contract a true marriage, the sacrament is performed.

 

The effect of the sacrament is an increase in sanctifying grace for the spouses, a participation in the divine life of God Himself.

 

The Union of Christ and His Church:

 

This sanctifying grace helps each spouse to help the other advance in holiness, and it helps them together to cooperate in God's plan of redemption by raising up children in the Faith.

 

In this way, sacramental marriage is more than a union of a man and a woman; it is, in fact, a type and symbol of the divine union between Christ, the Bridegroom, and His Church, the Bride. As married Christians, open to the creation of new life and committed to our mutual salvation, we participate not only in God's creative act but in the redemptive act of Christ.

 

[DawnM]

No, I don't think it was just for benefits. It was because the person had, in essence, "died" as they were no longer the person you married due to Alzheimer's.

 

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctliveblog/archives/2011/09/pat_robertson_s.html

 

I do not think Pat Robertson is all there himself, so he isn't thinking this one through. When are we to say a person is "dead" and no longer really there? Coma? Alzheimer's? Illness? Personality Disorder?

 

 

Dawn

 

 

 

yeah, a lot of seniors do this, even Pat Robertson said divorce was okay in this case, didn't he?

[Saille]

Truly, I don't care. Stand in a field and tell the moon you'll be together forever. Just don't do something that is supposed to be permanent (building a family) while still using the language of a casual relationship. "Boyfriend" refers to someone you are with FOR NOW. "Husband" is the person you plan to be with forever.

 

OK, but you're looking at a generation who lived with a 50% divorce rate. Some of them might make a bigger deal out of the word "husband" as a result, but for others, it may have lost its meaning. I've known people who've refused to relax into titles like "husband" and "wife" so they wouldn't take the relationship for granted-- so they'd remember that there's never any guarantee of "forever". It actually seemed to remind them to work on the relationship.