Influencing a teen daughter not to cut her hair

[Ginevra]

What are your thoughts on this? DD15 has gorgeous hair that is about to bra-strap length in the back. She has a notion that she wants to cut it for Locks of Love. I would be okay with this in general, but I don't want her to cut it now, because it will have to be Emma Watson short to get the required donation length. She thinks she wants her hair that short. I do not think she will, besides which I just plain do not want her hair to be that short.

 

When she first mentioned this, I didn't tell her exactly that, just that I thought it should be longer so it could be more like chin-length bob, one length after the cut. But today, she said, "So - when are we going to get my hair cut?" I told her what I thought. She's not happy that I "shot her down."

 

Do you think it is wrong for me to discourage her from cutting it that short? Should teens be given a green light on any kind of cut they think they want or is it right to offer my opinion? (I know how hair cuts look one way in a style book, but quite another when it comes down to actually styling it, and this is where I think she will really hate the cut.)

[Nature]

I think that is great that she wants to give her hair to Locks of Love and I would let her cut her hair. Many girls do have short haircuts that look nice. If she doesn’t like it, she can always grow it out. I don’t necessarily believe that teens should be able to get any type of haircut, but a short could would be ok (in my opinion). I’d probably draw the line at a Mohawk or coloring it bright pink.

[Mergath]

At fifteen, I think she's old enough to decide how she wants to cut her hair. It's a fairly harmless means of self-expression, and if she's doing it for a good cause besides, I see no reason to tell her no. And you never know, it might end up looking really cute.

[Plucky]

Most girls will cut their hair short eventually. They will then discover if they like it or not. It does grow back. Both my girls have cut their hair short. Oldest didn't like it and it is long now. Youngest gets hers cut short all the time. She looks really cute with a short cut. I wish I did.

[*********]

Well, I have a feeling my opinion won't be popular, but I'm gonna share it anyway. :tongue_smilie:

 

I wouldn't let my daughter cut her hair 'too short'. I just wouldn't. I feel girls are to have long hair. Yes, I realize 'long' is relative. But if we were talking about MY daughter, I'd have to be comfortable that her hair was still considered 'long' after she cut it.

 

No, I don't believe you HAVE to give a teen full control over the length of their hair. I realize many people would not make it a 'hill to die on', but it is important *in my family*. I realize it's not as important to everyone else.

 

So, if I were you, I'd just sit down and discuss it with your daughter, and see if you can't come to some sort of agreement you are both comfortable with.

[marbel]

I've always been told "hair is not a hill to die on."

 

What's the worst that can happen? A supershort cut only stays supershort for a couple of months, right? And then she'll know.

 

I know some girls with supershort cuts and they are adorable! I wish my daughter would try it!

[plansrme]

This is not a hill to die on. If you really feel that it would not be a flattering cut for her, however, you might research whether my vague recollection that Locks of Love is covered up in excess hair is accurate. Perhaps knowing that LOL does not really need her hair now would help her wait.

 

I love short hair personally, and think the Rihanna (sp?) bangs are super-cute. You need a nicely-shaped head to wear Emma Watson-short hair. I would still let her cut it that short, though, if that is what she wants.

 

Terri

[coffeegal]

Do you think it is wrong for me to discourage her from cutting it that short? Should teens be given a green light on any kind of cut they think they want or is it right to offer my opinion? (I know how hair cuts look one way in a style book, but quite another when it comes down to actually styling it, and this is where I think she will really hate the cut.)

 

My thought is you're welcome to give your opinion and experience, but your 15yo dd has the final call. The nice thing about hair is: it grows back! :D

[*Lulu*]

I think you, as her mother, are entitled to your opinion. I also think, if she asks, you should gently share it. (Emphasising the upkeep/styling issue would be important IMO.) Ultimately though, you need to make sure she knows it is her choice. There are a lot of battles to wage with a teen and I would save my weight of influence for the stuff that is permanent, (ie piercings and tattoos), not something that can grow out in a few months.

 

This is coming from watching some power struggles that my Mom went through with my younger sister and how my Mom handled them in away that preserved my sister and her relationship as well as my Mom's sanity. Personally we've already gotten a taste of this with Punk who started this summer off by petitioning us to let him cut his hair into a mohawk! :svengo:

[mom4him]

JMO My dd is 12, almost 13 but has had the say over the length and style of her hair now for some time. Hair grows. I have the thinking that children/teens need to be given control over things that they can manage, learn whether they have made the correct choice or not and be given that as early as they can.

 

Which is best, your dd getting her hair cut and hating it(you have expressed your opinion and why) but knowing it was her decision or not being allowed to get it cut and feeling resentful toward you for it. She is 15 and going to be making much more important/life changing decision very soon. Maybe a hair cut that she doesn't or does like is a good start.:grouphug:

 

ETS: My dd got her hair cut pretty short a year ago May. It was very cute and to start with she really liked it. By the end of the summer she had decided she wanted to grow it out and it is shoulder length again now. She says she won't get it cut that short again. At the time I really didn't want her to get it cut that short, voice I was afraid she may not like it but she made the decision.

Edited August 5, 2012 by mom4him

[PeacefulChaos]

What are your thoughts on this? DD15 has gorgeous hair that is about to bra-strap length in the back. She has a notion that she wants to cut it for Locks of Love. I would be okay with this in general, but I don't want her to cut it now, because it will have to be Emma Watson short to get the required donation length. She thinks she wants her hair that short. I do not think she will, besides which I just plain do not want her hair to be that short.

 

When she first mentioned this, I didn't tell her exactly that, just that I thought it should be longer so it could be more like chin-length bob, one length after the cut. But today, she said, "So - when are we going to get my hair cut?" I told her what I thought. She's not happy that I "shot her down."

 

Do you think it is wrong for me to discourage her from cutting it that short? Should teens be given a green light on any kind of cut they think they want or is it right to offer my opinion? (I know how hair cuts look one way in a style book, but quite another when it comes down to actually styling it, and this is where I think she will really hate the cut.)

 

I 100% see where you are coming from.

But

I would just let her do what she wants. It's just hair. She may discover that she hates it, but it's entirely possible that she'll have to actually discover that on her own, kwim? (I cut my hair for locks of love, too, just 3 months ago. I still hate it. :lol: ) I would tell her your reservations, that you think she may not like it (so that if she does end up hating it she doesn't say 'Mom! You should have told me! :lol: ) but in the end it's up to her.

I feel that way about hair in general. I don't care what color it is, how long it is, etc. I think it's a tiny battle in life. (Note: IF there is something coming up, like say pictures of some sort - which, at 15 I don't think it would be Senior picture time or anything, but if it was, I would have her wait til after because of your reservations. However, if it is likely that her hair will be at a length that she'll like better by then, I wouldn't worry about it.) :)

[Anne in CA]

My personal feeling is that teens should be allowed to make certain decisions with the realization that they must bear the consequences. I would let her cut the hair and she would have to deal with how it looks if it is too short to be attractive. Hair is a good place to start with decisions IMO. Now, if she wanted to dye it green, which my step dd wanted to at 15, I would say no, because that effects how teachers and other people view you and the consequences are such that a teen might not be able to see the outcome.

 

My step dd's half brother who is 20 is unemployable because his mother let him pierce his face so much that even without the studs his face looks horrid from the scars and cheap tattoos. She justified his ruining his appearance at the time by saying, "It's his face, it's his decision, this is not a hill to die on." Um, now he can't work and he lives off her and the longer he doesn't work the less employable he becomes. That would be another line to draw, but it doesn't sound like what your dd wants anyway.

[plansrme]

I realize many people would not make it a 'hill to die on',

 

I've always been told "hair is not a hill to die on."

 

This is not a hill to die on.

 

This cracked me up. All 3 of us were posting at the same time using the same phrase. The tally so far is: 2 against its being a hill; 1 for.

 

Terri

[Mrs Mungo]

I would (and have) let a teen girl cut her hair. It's just hair; it will grow back.

[*********]

This cracked me up. All 3 of us were posting at the same time using the same phrase. The tally so far is: 2 against its being a hill; 1 for.

 

Terri

 

I saw that too! LOL :lol:

[Word Nerd]

I would share my opinion but not try to stop her from going through with it if she still wants to. Some things can be best learned from experience, and hairstyles aren't permanent.

[justLisa]

I would not want to influence something like that. I would probably browse hair styles online though, and make sure she knew what would be involved with styling very short hair. My hair is short, but it curls so it's easy to just shower and go. Others have to take time with it. So, you could focus on that aspect and see how she feels. And definitely try to get a referral to a good stylist. I once ended up with a short do and I kid you not a TAIL in the back. I cried.

[Element]

My thought is you're welcome to give your opinion and experience, but your 15yo dd has the final call. The nice thing about hair is: it grows back! :D

 

I have to agree with this. It might not even have to be "Emma Watson" short. I donated a few months ago and 10" really isn't that much when you have mid-back length hair. Still-- :grouphug: -- because I know how hard it is to see your baby's beautiful hair go! It's for a great cause, though, and they will send her a very sweet postcard thanking her for her donation.

[Momof3littles]

I'd talk through pros and cons, and remind her that hair typically grows I think 1/2 an inch per month. If she's okay with that, why not let her?

 

I have had long hair, medium hair, and a super short pixie. I am growing mine out after several years at pixie length, but I have no doubt I'll go short again some day. I get more compliments on it when it is in a razored pixie than any other way.

 

Not everyone looks great with long hair, and not everyone is suited to short hair.

 

I cut my bra strap length hair shorter (chin length kind of shag style) when I was in high school and I was really happy with the decision, even though my long hair was nice too.

[Guest]

Okay - sorry I'm not quoting individuals; I'm trying to make this more efficient.

 

Re: Hill to die on. It's not really a hill to die on, but my relationship with my girl is extremely gentle. She's not a fighter and neither am I. So, now that I've said I'm not keen on her hair being boy-short, it's unlikely that she will "fight for it." She will most likely not mention it again for a little while. If she was very intense about wanting it, I wouldn't make it a hill to die on, BUT she hardly ever is intense about anything. We had this little discussion, I told her what I really thought and compared her hair texture to another person we both know. She posted on her FB that I shut her hair cut down and now she's unsure.That's probably the maximum amount of protest I can expect.

 

Short hair in general: what do people say? It was "cute." It's "cute." Emma Watson's post-Hermione Granger hair is "cute." UGG! I don't aspire to look cute and I can't say I want my gorgeous daughter to look cute. Emma before pixie was beautiful, now she's cute.

 

Grows back: Yeah. I know it grows back. But short boy-cuts are HELL to grow out, IME. That is why I don't mind so much if it's quite short but it's one length. All it has to do is get longer. But boy-cuts are not like that. You have a year or so of short layers that are a gigantic pain on thick, wavy hair. She is in high school. The thought of her starting tenth grade with that hair to cope with...:nopity: I'm not a fan. I've done it to my own hair and it SUCKED eggs.

[Sparkle]

I've read that Locks of Love sells a lot of the hair they receive, so her hair may not end up being used for a kid with cancer, if that makes a difference to her or not. There are a lot of articles on the internet.Locks of Love: Blessing or Scam?

 

Otherwise, I think I'd be like you - I'd discourage her from getting it cut super short.

[Cassy]

I had my hair cut short, very short, when I was 13. My mother never even offered an opinion before I did it. It looked awful, really awful. I was tall and thin and my hair was super curly. I did not look good, and at an age when I really wanted to, and was highly sensitive. In retrospect I think my mother could have probably foreseen that it would have looked awful and should have at least tried to influence me. It took a long, long, painful time to grow back again, and I felt wounded by the experience (remember, we're talking adolescent girl).

 

So from my experience, try to influence all you can, for all your worth, if you really think it won't suit her. Are there any computer programs that can show you what you'd look like with a certain cut? I feel sure there must be.

[Thea]

At fifteen, I think she's old enough to decide how she wants to cut her hair. It's a fairly harmless means of self-expression, and if she's doing it for a good cause besides, I see no reason to tell her no. And you never know, it might end up looking really cute.

 

:iagree:

[NanceXToo]

At fifteen, I think she's old enough to decide how she wants to cut her hair. It's a fairly harmless means of self-expression, and if she's doing it for a good cause besides, I see no reason to tell her no. And you never know, it might end up looking really cute.

 

:iagree:

[Chris in VA]

Here I go again, looking for a third alternative--

 

There's another organization that makes wigs for cancer/alopecia/other patients, and it only takes 7 inches. Could you research that one?

 

As far as being "not a fighter," I have a dd like that--but what I have realized is that she is internalizing the fight--so be aware that may be happening. Anger or disappointment turned inward can lead to depression and hidden rebellion. Just a thought.

[Guest]

I had my hair cut short, very short, when I was 13. My mother never even offered an opinion before I did it. It looked awful, really awful. I was tall and thin and my hair was super curly. I did not look good, and at an age when I really wanted to, and was highly sensitive. In retrospect I think my mother could have probably foreseen that it would have looked awful and should have at least tried to influence me. It took a long, long, painful time to grow back again, and I felt wounded by the experience (remember, we're talking adolescent girl).

 

So from my experience, try to influence all you can, for all your worth, if you really think it won't suit her. Are there any computer programs that can show you what you'd look like with a certain cut? I feel sure there must be.

 

This is exactly the worst-case scenario in my mind. I really don't think hair is "nothing," and when you're a young lady who (sorry it sounds braggish, but) has been admired as beautiful forever and always, it's a terrible blow if you have to spend a year growing out the hair that you thought was "just a hair cut." I was twenty-six when I cut my hair pixie-short and I still had some flat-out negative reactions from others. AND it didn't even look bad! It was "cute," though! People were not used to seeing me cute. When I see photos of myself at that time, I want to vomit.

[Mrs Mungo]

Short hair in general: what do people say? It was "cute." It's "cute." Emma Watson's post-Hermione Granger hair is "cute." UGG! I don't aspire to look cute and I can't say I want my gorgeous daughter to look cute. Emma before pixie was beautiful, now she's cute.

 

Not everyone feels the same about this. My dh prefers shorter hair on women.

[Momof3littles]

Not everyone feels the same about this. My dh prefers shorter hair on women.

:iagree:

[Guest]

Here I go again, looking for a third alternative--

 

There's another organization that makes wigs for cancer/alopecia/other patients, and it only takes 7 inches. Could you research that one?

 

As far as being "not a fighter," I have a dd like that--but what I have realized is that she is internalizing the fight--so be aware that may be happening. Anger or disappointment turned inward can lead to depression and hidden rebellion. Just a thought.

 

Thank you for both thoughts. I will look into the 7-inch place.

[WagsWife]

At 15, I would probably let her do it, if I really thought that was what she wanted. I would not like it though. The thing with hair, is that it will grow back.

 

That being said, all my daughters have long hair. My oldest especially is "known" for her long hair. She watches hours upon hours of hair tutorials finding new ways to style it. Her hair care budget is substantial. People ALWAYS comment on her hair, and how much they like it.

 

There are times where she talks about getting it cut Audrey Hepburn style. I always comment that people would riot. I then remind her that she really likes to style her hair, but with short hair her options would be fewer. I always leave it up to her, even though I may have my fingers crossed behind my back LOL!

[Susann]

I could have written your letter last year. DD had beautiful golden hair down to her bottom and asked to get it cut in a pixie. I was less than supportive to say the least-I've discovered I definitely have hair envy!! Then I realized I was micromanaging her decision. She cut it in a very short pixie and is extremely happy with it and, hanging my head, she was right. It just "fits" her and her personality so much better than long hair. "I don't aspire to look cute and I can't say I want my gorgeous daughter to look cute",I've done it to my own hair and it SUCKED eggs", -it sounds like your arguments are more about you and your feelings than her. "She's not happy that I "shot her down."- I'd worry that if she feels she can't talk to you about something as unimportant as cutting her hair what might she be unwilling to discuss in the future. FWIW-I think Emma Watson is sooooo much prettier with short hair-she just looked average before.

[justLisa]

The big problem with short hair is certain cuts really need to be trimmed so often. I *hate* people touching my head. I don't know what it is but kind of like a phobia LOL. My sister does my hair otherwise I couldn't take it. I have short hair, but it's a simple cut that doesn't really look better/worse an inch shorter or longer. And it is wavy so that kind of masks that awkward growing out thing.

[kalanamak]

Hair grows back. Let her.

[Guest]

Not everyone feels the same about this. My dh prefers shorter hair on women.

 

Well, you have those. My MIL is like this. She wants everybody to have hair up to their ears. I think she's in the minority, though.

 

Also - to be clear, I don't roundly dislike all short hair on women. Some women don't look good any other way. My mom's hair has been short always, with the exception of a couple of years when she was around 40 or so. She didn't look good like that. Her short hair just makes sense on her. But I do think some women look good only with hair longer than, say, the chin. I believe I'm one of them. Since DD looks like me and has hair that is almost identical to mine, I transfer that idea onto her, too.

[Guest submarines]

 

Short hair in general: what do people say? It was "cute." It's "cute." Emma Watson's post-Hermione Granger hair is "cute." UGG! I don't aspire to look cute and I can't say I want my gorgeous daughter to look cute. Emma before pixie was beautiful, now she's cute.

 

.

 

:D I think that before the haircut she was cute, and now she's elegant.

[chepyl]

Hair grows back. It would only be that short for a few weeks. With really short hair you have to cut it often to maintain it. I would let her do It. It is a hair cut not a tattoo.

[Word Nerd]

I think Emma Watson is stunning with short hair. "Cute" isn't a pejorative either.

[Audrey]

At fifteen, I think she's old enough to decide how she wants to cut her hair. It's a fairly harmless means of self-expression, and if she's doing it for a good cause besides, I see no reason to tell her no. And you never know, it might end up looking really cute.

 

:iagree: with this, and besides, her hair will grow back. It is just hair. She's got a good heart for wanting to donate it. Let her.

[sassenach]

 

Do you think it is wrong for me to discourage her from cutting it that short? It's not a hill that I would die on. It's not even a hill that I would bicker on.Should teens be given a green light on any kind of cut they think they want or is it right to offer my opinion? If she asked your opinion, then of course you could offer it. It doesn't sound like she asked for it though.(I know how hair cuts look one way in a style book, but quite another when it comes down to actually styling it, and this is where I think she will really hate the cut.)

 

Hair is an area that I give dd 100% full reign over. How she cuts, styles or colors her hair is not something that I need to control. Because she has the freedom to do what she wants, she regularly seeks my opinion on styles. I have given even negative opinions of possible style choices, but always allowing for difference of opinion and giving her final say.

 

The only thing I won't allow is for her to create an expense for me. She can get any style that Supercuts can deliver and any color that can be bought at Safeway.

 

I am quite comfortable with out there styles. Dd's hair has ventured into deep purple and pink streaked. She's gone shorter than I ever would have suggested her to do (and it looked GREAT). She's cut her bangs in every possible way. It's just not something I fret over.

[Cera]

At some point in her life she will probably do it (most girls do) so why not now. Better at 15 than in her 20's when beautiful is more of a goal (cute is perfect for a 15 year old).

[SkateLeft]

At fifteen, I think she's old enough to decide how she wants to cut her hair.

 

:iagree:

 

If either of my teens decided to cut their hair, it would be their choice. There are a lot of areas where I put my foot down, but hair cuts aren't one of them.

[LizzyBee]

What are your thoughts on this? DD15 has gorgeous hair that is about to bra-strap length in the back. She has a notion that she wants to cut it for Locks of Love. I would be okay with this in general, but I don't want her to cut it now, because it will have to be Emma Watson short to get the required donation length. She thinks she wants her hair that short. I do not think she will, besides which I just plain do not want her hair to be that short.

 

When she first mentioned this, I didn't tell her exactly that, just that I thought it should be longer so it could be more like chin-length bob, one length after the cut. But today, she said, "So - when are we going to get my hair cut?" I told her what I thought. She's not happy that I "shot her down."

 

Do you think it is wrong for me to discourage her from cutting it that short? Should teens be given a green light on any kind of cut they think they want or is it right to offer my opinion? (I know how hair cuts look one way in a style book, but quite another when it comes down to actually styling it, and this is where I think she will really hate the cut.)

 

I think it's fine to offer your opinion, but in the end, I would let her make the decision. Hair grows back, colors fade, etc. I've never thought hair was a battle worth fighting.

[Momof3littles]

To those who have had bad short cuts, I know it isn't everyone's thing, and it definitely doesn't suit everyone, for sure. In my experience, not all stylists can do a great job at cutting hair short, especially if one wants to avoid a more matronly type of style, which I assume is the case for a teenage girl. Whenever I've had to find a new stylist, I will literally stop people in stores, parking lots, etc. and ask who cuts their hair. Most people are flattered :) Lots and lots of hair stylists do not do good short cuts. I usually ask for a lot of opinions, and then also ask the receptionist at better salons who does really good short cuts, possibly razored or trendy/edgy.

 

If she wants to go short, one thing to consider would be finding someone who is really talented at short cuts.

 

I like my hair short, but I take my time in finding a stylist beforehand, because lots of stylists have no idea how to cut cute short hair. I don't want matronly-looking short hair, so I look for someone who knows how to razor, etc.

 

I liked Morena Baccarin's hair when it was short. Audrey Tautou has had some really short cuts that work well with her waves.

 

When it was pixie-short, I got it cut every 5 weeks, but I had a lot less day to day maintenance, didn't need as much product, etc. With a good pixie that is razored and cut to work with my hair texture, I can air dry. When it is longer-chin length or longer, it looks terrible air-dried. I've had short cuts before that did not air-dry well, but a good stylist can cut it so air-drying will work for many people. It all depends on how they play up your normal texture, whether they razor cut it, take out bulky spots, etc.

Edited August 5, 2012 by Momof3littles

[gardenmom5]

1dd had very long hair, cut and donated 20"; grew, cut and donated again. cut different styles a few times. It's now very short (and cute.).

 

My advice is stay out of it. If you think her hair is too short to donate, let her know. If she wants it short, let her have it cut.

 

eta: also have her consider how fast her hair grows and how often she will then have to have it cut. My and 1dd's hair grow so fast it has to be cut every month to look good. that is one reason I hate short hair (though it looks really good). 2dd . . . can go quite awhile without a cut . . . . .

Edited August 5, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Remudamom]

The length of her hair should be her business.

[mjselmk]

At fifteen, I think she's old enough to decide how she wants to cut her hair. It's a fairly harmless means of self-expression, and if she's doing it for a good cause besides, I see no reason to tell her no. And you never know, it might end up looking really cute.

 

I agree with this although I have been in the exact same situation with my own daughter and I did tell her how beautiful I think her hair is when it is long. Maybe I should have just kept my opinion out of it because I wouldn't have been bothered that it was short or anything. She thought it over for a few days and decided that she was probably to vain about the length to be happy with the result if it were short. Which was exactly my point. I know my daughter and I know that she would have regretted it.

[Guest]

I could have written your letter last year. DD had beautiful golden hair down to her bottom and asked to get it cut in a pixie. I was less than supportive to say the least-I've discovered I definitely have hair envy!! Then I realized I was micromanaging her decision. She cut it in a very short pixie and is extremely happy with it and, hanging my head, she was right. It just "fits" her and her personality so much better than long hair. "I don't aspire to look cute and I can't say I want my gorgeous daughter to look cute",I've done it to my own hair and it SUCKED eggs", -it sounds like your arguments are more about you and your feelings than her. "She's not happy that I "shot her down."- I'd worry that if she feels she can't talk to you about something as unimportant as cutting her hair what might she be unwilling to discuss in the future. FWIW-I think Emma Watson is sooooo much prettier with short hair-she just looked average before.

 

The reason I relate my hair to hers is because her hair is so much like mine. And her personality is so much like mine. So, it's not hard for me to imagine if she cuts it like I did, the results will be like mine were and she will not like it. It's the whole want-to-protect-my-child-from-emotional-pain element.

 

She can talk to me about cutting her hair or anything else. She's just a very compliant kid, which I totally get because I am/was the same way.

 

Lastly - look at the stories of those who cut their hair drastically. Are drastic hair cuts unimportant? I think they are highly important! When you're 15, looking at spending a year growing out hair - well, that is a YEAR! I mean, it might as well be TEN years to a kid, kwim? She'll have her driver's license, but her hair would still be in short layers. It definitely makes me :nopity: The more I listen to you all and think about it, the more I realize I do NOT want her hair cut that short. :tongue_smilie:

[WishboneDawn]

Okay - sorry I'm not quoting individuals; I'm trying to make this more efficient.

 

Re: Hill to die on. It's not really a hill to die on, but my relationship with my girl is extremely gentle. She's not a fighter and neither am I. So, now that I've said I'm not keen on her hair being boy-short, it's unlikely that she will "fight for it." She will most likely not mention it again for a little while. If she was very intense about wanting it, I wouldn't make it a hill to die on, BUT she hardly ever is intense about anything. We had this little discussion, I told her what I really thought and compared her hair texture to another person we both know. She posted on her FB that I shut her hair cut down and now she's unsure.That's probably the maximum amount of protest I can expect.

 

Short hair in general: what do people say? It was "cute." It's "cute." Emma Watson's post-Hermione Granger hair is "cute." UGG! I don't aspire to look cute and I can't say I want my gorgeous daughter to look cute. Emma before pixie was beautiful, now she's cute.

 

Grows back: Yeah. I know it grows back. But short boy-cuts are HELL to grow out, IME. That is why I don't mind so much if it's quite short but it's one length. All it has to do is get longer. But boy-cuts are not like that. You have a year or so of short layers that are a gigantic pain on thick, wavy hair. She is in high school. The thought of her starting tenth grade with that hair to cope with...:nopity: I'm not a fan. I've done it to my own hair and it SUCKED eggs.

 

My daughter had her hair cut "boy" short. There was nothing boyish or cute about it, it was beautiful and made her look more mature.

 

Anyhow, I don't think any of your reasons are good ones. :D This is an excellent low-risk chance to let your daughter spread her wings and you're stopping her for reasons that are ultimately superficial. With teenagers we should be giving them the opportunity to make decisions like this that might end in disaster because we're there to help them learn how to make it right.

 

I don't think think this is a huge deal but I do think you're wrong.:tongue_smilie:

[Kathryn]

This is exactly the worst-case scenario in my mind. I really don't think hair is "nothing," and when you're a young lady who (sorry it sounds braggish, but) has been admired as beautiful forever and always, it's a terrible blow if you have to spend a year growing out the hair that you thought was "just a hair cut." I was twenty-six when I cut my hair pixie-short and I still had some flat-out negative reactions from others. AND it didn't even look bad! It was "cute," though! People were not used to seeing me cute. When I see photos of myself at that time, I want to vomit.

 

Honestly, this sounds like it's about you and your feelings about what you went through. It also sounds like there is too much emphasis on her looks in general. What kind of message does that send?

 

I prefer myself with long hair, but every so often, I cut it all off. I remember then how much i dislike it. And I survive. When I was 15, my hair was bright purple. When it was completely fried after over a year of bleaching and dyeing, I completely shaved it all off. Even accounting for the initial shock factor, I didn't get any less attention from the opposite sex. I never had a single person make a negative comment about it, unless joking about how perfectly shaped my head was is considered negative.

 

A "gorgeous" female isn't gorgeous because of her hair. Being gorgeous is a total package: it's body, face, hair, and personality. Which one of those is most important? Is she gorgeous because of who she is or because of one particular physical attribute? Attaching too much importance to one aspect of her physical beauty is setting her up for some serious self-confidence issues if anything changes.

 

I'd let her cut her hair. She's a teenager, it's time to start handing over some decision-making power, and it's not a permanent decision. I'd voice my opinion, considerately, but I'd let the final choice be up to her.

[snickelfritz]

I have had hair that ran the gamut. Down to my rear and up to a short and spiky back.

 

BECAUSE she is young, and starting 10th grade, and awkward haircuts can be painful..... I would probably insist that she went short in stages (and I have had stylists say they recommend that method also.). Cut it and give it a week. Cut it and give it a week. I understand that a pixie cut may, ultimately, be more desirable(easier, attractive on that person, etc...) than shoulder length, but I have found a lot of emotion tied into my hair length. And once it is chin length, she can really get a better feel for it what it means to have short hair. Chin length isn't as painful to grow out, but you know what it's like to not have long hair. But if it is not for you, you aren't that far from a ponytail. Once you get shorter layers in the sides and front......THEN it is a long and tedious process to grow.

 

So, (*I*) would tell her she can go short. But if she wants locks of love, she needs to wait.

 

ETA:: this POV comes from growing up with my sister (naturally wavy) and I (stick straight) not being guided on appropriate cuts for our hair. We both wanted the opposite and suffered through many awkward hair styles. We weren't happy with them and oblivious to the silliness.... We just didn't know what to do and my mom isn't in to that kind of stuff.

Edited August 5, 2012 by snickelfritz