Pretty disgusted by a dad dd talked to at pool today...

[NanceXToo]

I took my kids to the pool today, and dd (who is a couple of months away from turning 12) ran into a girl she knows from Girl Scouts, who is 14. They started hanging out together at the pool.

 

At one point, I looked around trying to find my daughter to see if she wanted to get ice cream with her little brother, and I spotted her at the far end of the pool talking to two people, one of whom was obviously an adult male. The other I was assuming was the girl from Scouts but couldn't tell for sure from that distance.

 

When I got her over to me, I asked who she was talking to, and she said that it was her friend and her friend's dad, so I said oh, okay.

 

Then she proceeded to tell me she had asked him where he got his "snakebite piercings." (Type of facial piercing). Now, keep in mind that my husband is a tattoo artist and body piercer who owns his own shop, and my daughter has wanted to work with him since she was five, so these things are of interest to her, and she was probably curious whether he got it done at her dad's shop, so that isn't as weird as it sounds. She said he was telling her about some of his piercings. Okay. But it wasn't until later, after we'd gotten home, that she said to me:

 

"You know how I told you I was talking to so and so's dad about piercings? Well, he told me he would never get a Jacob's Ladder or a Prince Albert. I said, 'What are those?' and he said, 'Ask your dad, maybe he'll tell you when you're 18.' Will you tell me? Is it the p*nis?"

 

Uh... :confused::ack2::cursing:

 

What kind of adult man would bring up something inappropriate like that to a young girl, a young girl he's never even met, who just happened to be hanging out with his daughter at the pool, who very obviously looks younger than his daughter no less...what an idiot!! If she had told me that while we were still at the pool, I'd have gone over and given him a piece of my mind. I really don't understand some people! I've had to have conversations with my daughter before about things I really wished she didn't know about yet, but up until now, it's always been because of something stupid a neighborhood kid said. Now I have to have a conversation like this because of something someone's DAD said to her? Wonderful!

 

I told her if she ever runs into that girl and her dad again, she is not allowed to stay near or engage in conversation with the father, that he never should have had such an inappropriate conversation with an eleven year old and that I was not happy about it. Just, ugh! Really skeeves me out and makes me wonder if there's anything else creepy about that guy!

 

ETA: To spare some of you who aren't already familiar with those terms and get the urge to Google, yes, they are both types of male genital piercings! And as someone commented further on in this thread, wikipedia shows graphic images if you google. Just saying!

Edited July 26, 2012 by NanceXToo

[KnitWit]

Oh good grief. I would be disgusted too. Totally uncalled for.

[Munchkins_mama]

Ugh. Creepy. :(

[Remudamom]

Not too late. Let him have it with both barrels next time you see him. Loudly.

[CatMomof3]

:svengo:

[Whereneverever]

Wow, I'd have been furious.

[Slipper]

Just as a warning to others, I googled the terms and went to wikipedia. They show FULL pictures of the piercings so don't open with little kids around. :D Or big kids either. I choked on my sweet tea. :tongue_smilie:

 

Nance, blast him next time. Seriously. Just because a kid can use grown up terms regarding piercings and tattoos doesn't mean that a grown up can use grown up topics when talking to kids. That was completely inappropriate and creepy to boot. I'm sorry it happened. :(

[ktgrok]

yuck. Totally inappropriate and sends off red flags to me that he would mention his parts in any context to an 11 year old girl. Pervert! (and I am usually the LAST one to be creeped out by stuff, and the first to give the benefit of the doubt. But that is WAY creepy)

[Dustybug]

:svengo::thumbdown::ack2:

[Mommyfaithe]

Not too late. Let him have it with both barrels next time you see him. Loudly.

 

:iagree: What a nut job.

[Joani]

I'd be totally creeped out too. It's weird enough that he said that with his own daughter there. :ack2:

[IsabelC]

Perhaps he just got carried away talking about piercing because he's so interested in them, then suddenly remembered your daughter is only young and that's why he stopped and didn't explain the penis piercings. Totally inappropriate but possibly thoughtless rather than perverted.

 

But definitely you can give him a piece of your mind next time. As Slipper said, it's up to the adult to be the responsible and cautious one when it comes to keeping the conversation appropriate, so even if a young person brings up the dubious topic it's the grown up's responsibility to nip it in the bud.

[Lisbeth]

I put this in the "when people show you who they are, believe them." column. I would show him my tigermom next time I ran into him.

[MiniBlondes]

Yuck. :ack2:

[hthnmamax2]

Just as a warning to others, I googled the terms and went to wikipedia. They show FULL pictures of the piercings so don't open with little kids around. :D Or big kids either. I choked on my sweet tea. :tongue_smilie:

 

Nance, blast him next time. Seriously. Just because a kid can use grown up terms regarding piercings and tattoos doesn't mean that a grown up can use grown up topics when talking to kids. That was completely inappropriate and creepy to boot. I'm sorry it happened. :(

 

:iagree:

 

And, I really, really wish I'd have read this before I Googled. :eek: There's just not enough brain bleach in the world...

[ClassicalTwins]

Wow!! That is very concerning....

 

My husband has a piercing...we won't discuss where. One of our twins told his entire team (girls included) :svengo: , kids aged 5-8, when he was 6. Talk about some interesting conversations with parents the at the next practice :confused: !! His coach said that went in her "box" of things we don't discuss at practice LOL

[sparrow]

Wow. Creep with a capital "C". Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

[mama2cntrykids]

Yuck! Sounds like something my mom's ex-h would say to a young girl. Seriously, seriously creepy!

[MrsBasil]

He may not BE a creepy pervert, but that conversation sure made him seem like one. I wouldn't want my kid anywhere near him.

 

Yuck!!

 

Also, I googled before I read the entire thread.:ack2:

[Kathryn]

Wow, beyond inappropriate!

[justLisa]

He is messed up. THat is a filthy filthy man.

[justLisa]

But you know. The friend is 14? He may have assumed your DD was about the same age. Raunchy as it is that's about the age dirty old men start hitting on. Sick.

[Hilltop]

Yuck! :thumbdown:

 

I would be furious.

[Desert Rat]

Hmm....Just a different take on it, Nance. If your daughter mentioned her father's occupation and knew the correct term for that type of piercing ("snakebite"), maybe he assumed she was very familiar with other piercings as well? Then when he mentioned the below the belt piercings and she responded with questions, he did the right thing and told her to ask her parent. From the exchange you've talked about, as written, I wouldn't think the guy is creepy. I would think that he assumed your daughter was more informed about her dad's job than what she really is (appropriately so).

Just another POV. I can't weigh in either way. Sorry the exchange upset you though.

[Kathryn]

Hmm....Just a different take on it, Nance. If your daughter mentioned her father's occupation and knew the correct term for that type of piercing ("snakebite"), maybe he assumed she was very familiar with other piercings as well? Then when he mentioned the below the belt piercings and she responded with questions, he did the right thing and told her to ask her parent. From the exchange you've talked about, as written, I wouldn't think the guy is creepy. I would think that he assumed your daughter was more informed about her dad's job than what she really is (appropriately so).

Just another POV. I can't weigh in either way. Sorry the exchange upset you though.

 

Still not appropriate. Why would he need to bring up the fact that he wouldn't pierce his bits? If a pre-teen boy was asking me about my tattoo, I can't imagine feeling the need to mention the intimate parts of my body that I wouldn't want tattooed.

[Denisemomof4]

yuck. Totally inappropriate and sends off red flags to me that he would mention his parts in any context to an 11 year old girl. Pervert! (and I am usually the LAST one to be creeped out by stuff, and the first to give the benefit of the doubt. But that is WAY creepy)

 

:iagree:

[Elizabeth in MN]

Meh, I'm not too sure I'd be upset. She could have asked the father "What piercings do you think are bad" or "Is there any piercing you won't get". He did deflect the question and aimed her at the proper people to get those answers from.

[Catwoman]

Still not appropriate. Why would he need to bring up the fact that he wouldn't pierce his bits? If a pre-teen boy was asking me about my tattoo, I can't imagine feeling the need to mention the intimate parts of my body that I wouldn't want tattooed.

 

Just as a little point of interest: If I ask you about your tattoo, please don't feel the need to mention the intimate parts of your body that you wouldn't want tattooed, either. :D

 

(I'm sure you wouldn't, anyway, because really, why would someone talk about something like that with someone they didn't know, whether it was a child or an adult? It's just way more information than I want a stranger at the pool to provide me with.)

 

It sounds like the girl's dad was trying to be the Cool Dad, and totally missed the mark. I would have been livid that he said what he did to a pre-teen girl.

 

What an idiot. :glare:

[TranquilMind]

Hotdrink: Perhaps he just got carried away talking about piercing because he's so interested in them, then suddenly remembered your daughter is only young and that's why he stopped and didn't explain the penis piercings. Totally inappropriate but possibly thoughtless rather than perverted.

 

 

This was totally my take on it, just from the information given.

 

Besides...SHE asked what it was and asked if it was the penis. Sounds like he was just blabbing away and it suddenly struck him what he had said and to whom he had said it, and he decided to go no further. I'm not sure I'd say anything, unless he brought it up again. I certainly wouldn't go all "both barrels" on him. They were having a conversation of mutual interest.

 

I think it is a weird topic to talk about anyway, but then I'm not a tat fan at all.

[Dolphin]

Hmm....Just a different take on it, Nance. If your daughter mentioned her father's occupation and knew the correct term for that type of piercing ("snakebite"), maybe he assumed she was very familiar with other piercings as well? Then when he mentioned the below the belt piercings and she responded with questions, he did the right thing and told her to ask her parent. From the exchange you've talked about, as written, I wouldn't think the guy is creepy. I would think that he assumed your daughter was more informed about her dad's job than what she really is (appropriately so).

Just another POV. I can't weigh in either way. Sorry the exchange upset you though.

 

He shouldn't have mentioned it though. Just because a kids parents have tattoos, piercing, do that for a living etc... some people assume that the kids are more worldly than they are, and that is just wrong. Having tattoos, and being a professional body piercer does not mean that the children know about any below clothes piercings.

 

He is either being creepy, or really biased.

[funschooler5]

Just as a little point of interest: If I ask you about your tattoo, please don't feel the need to mention the intimate parts of your body that you wouldn't want tattooed, either. :D

 

(I'm sure you wouldn't, anyway, because really, why would someone talk about something like that with someone they didn't know, whether it was a child or an adult? It's just way more information than I want a stranger at the pool to provide me with.)

 

It sounds like the girl's dad was trying to be the Cool Dad, and totally missed the mark. I would have been livid that he said what he did to a pre-teen girl.

 

What an idiot. :glare:

 

:iagree:

 

And I'd add that an adult man in this day and age, talking that way to a young girl at the pool (or anywhere else) is either a complete moron or a pervert. Most of the men I know are extra cautious about things like that. DH even feels weird about going to watch our kids at their swimming lessons. Over the top, I know, but he always feels out of place because most of the other parents there are moms.

[Delirium]

Perhaps he just got carried away talking about piercing because he's so interested in them, then suddenly remembered your daughter is only young and that's why he stopped and didn't explain the penis piercings. Totally inappropriate but possibly thoughtless rather than perverted.

 

I try to think the best of people. You did right by telling her not to talk to him again, and if you see him again explain how shocked you were that he thought that was even remotely appropriate. Some people are skeevy, some people are just completely unaware of how to behave appropriately : / I'm sorry your daughter was the one that got to be on the receiving end of the incompetence.

[Ibbygirl]

:svengo::thumbdown::ack2:

 

What she said! Just ewww!

[NanceXToo]

Meh, I'm not too sure I'd be upset. She could have asked the father "What piercings do you think are bad" or "Is there any piercing you won't get". He did deflect the question and aimed her at the proper people to get those answers from.

 

It's possible she asked him something like that, but I still think it is so glaringly inappropriate to mention genital piercings to an 11 or 12 year old, that I'm shocked he did it. He could have just been vague and been like, "I don't know," or "I'm happy with the ones I have," or whatever. He didn't deflect the question (if she asked him that), he listed the names of genital piercings. Even if she knew what they were already, he was engaging in an inappropriate conversation with a young girl, and if she didn't know what they were, he was putting it in her head...of course she was going to ask about it. So, great, he told her to go ask "the proper people"...thanks, stupid creepy guy. That's really what I wanted to have to talk to my 11 y/o daughter about! She definitely needed to know that some guys pierce their boy bits!

 

He shouldn't have mentioned it though. Just because a kids parents have tattoos, piercing, do that for a living etc... some people assume that the kids are more worldly than they are, and that is just wrong. Having tattoos, and being a professional body piercer does not mean that the children know about any below clothes piercings.

 

He is either being creepy, or really biased.

 

:iagree:

 

Firstly, my husband doesn't even DO any genital piercings and doesn't tattoo anything that can't be covered with a bathing suit at least, and we certainly don't go around explaining genital piercings to our pre-teen children or discussing them with other people's children, or discussing anything else that is above their age and maturity level. I hope he was just kind of slow and oblivious and not a real creep!

 

As for letting him have it at this point, If I bumped right into him on the sidewalk, I wouldn't even know who he was (other than wondering "Hey, this guy has snakebite piercings, is that the same guy?"). They were at the total opposite end of the pool from where I was and I couldn't make out any features or anything. So all I can do is tell my daughter if she ever sees him at the pool again, or if he ever walks into the school where Girl Scouts is held over the school year to drop off or pick up his daughter or something, she should let me know and not to engage in any conversation with him.

[Chris in VA]

This was totally my take on it, just from the information given.

 

Besides...SHE asked what it was and asked if it was the penis. Sounds like he was just blabbing away and it suddenly struck him what he had said and to whom he had said it, and he decided to go no further. I'm not sure I'd say anything, unless he brought it up again. I certainly wouldn't go all "both barrels" on him. They were having a conversation of mutual interest.

 

I think it is a weird topic to talk about anyway, but then I'm not a tat fan at all.

 

Bold mine--

 

No, she asked her MOM if it was the p#nis.

 

Sounds like a guy with inappropriate boundaries.

[NanceXToo]

Bold mine--

 

No, she asked her MOM if it was the p#nis.

 

Sounds like a guy with inappropriate boundaries.

 

Right, she asked ME that, not him. She just asked him what it was and when he said something about ask your dad, maybe he'll tell you when you're 18, she sort of figured it out and asked me to confirm.

[In the Rain]

I try to think the best of people. You did right by telling her not to talk to him again, and if you see him again explain how shocked you were that he thought that was even remotely appropriate. Some people are skeevy, some people are just completely unaware of how to behave appropriately : / I'm sorry your daughter was the one that got to be on the receiving end of the incompetence.

 

:iagree: I'm sorry your dd had to be exposed to that. Sometimes though, things go in one ear and out the other. Hopefully it made no lasting impression on her. :grouphug:

[Joanne]

Nance, you are usually very reasonable and centered, so I will take your gut/intuition about this with that in mind.

 

Hmm....Just a different take on it, Nance. If your daughter mentioned her father's occupation and knew the correct term for that type of piercing ("snakebite"), maybe he assumed she was very familiar with other piercings as well? Then when he mentioned the below the belt piercings and she responded with questions, he did the right thing and told her to ask her parent. From the exchange you've talked about, as written, I wouldn't think the guy is creepy. I would think that he assumed your daughter was more informed about her dad's job than what she really is (appropriately so).

Just another POV. I can't weigh in either way. Sorry the exchange upset you though.

 

Meh, I'm not too sure I'd be upset. She could have asked the father "What piercings do you think are bad" or "Is there any piercing you won't get". He did deflect the question and aimed her at the proper people to get those answers from.

 

:iagree:

 

I tend to agree here. Given the *whole* context, my radar does not ring "creepy". At most, I'd say possibly inappropriate ~ but not intentionally so.

[MomatHWTK]

I totally get "creepy" from that interaction and would tell her to put him on the never alone, never within reach of list. Sounds like someone who gets a thrill of exposing little girls to things they should be exposed to. But I'm one of those super paranoid moms.

 

I found out as an adult that a friend's dad had harmed her thoughout her childhood. I spent the night at her house and always got a creepy vibe from the dad. Thankfullly he never came near me, but I was clueless as a child. I feel so bad for my friend. As a parent now, I tend to err on the side of avoidance of those who give me the creep vibe. :glare:

[TranquilMind]

Bold mine--

 

No, she asked her MOM if it was the p#nis.

 

Sounds like a guy with inappropriate boundaries.

Oh, I must have misread it. I thought he mentioned a couple of specific tats to the daughter and she then said to him, "What is that? Is that the penis?"

[JustGin]

Considering that the guy himself may only be 30, I would bet he just needs to be whacked upside the head with a cluebyfour. Was in youth ministry of one kind or another for over 20 years and yes, youngish parents can be very, very clueless.

Icky.

[katilac]

I wouldn't be overly suspicious or upset; there's just too much you don't know about how the conversation got to that point. In your dd's memory, he brought it up, but it's certainly possible his dd did, or a question from one of them sparked the comment that he then thought better of, or any number of things. Simply having those terms brought up in a conversation about piercings wouldn't make me automatically angry with him.

 

Of course, I also don't think it's a big, fat, hairy deal for her to know that some people get their genitals pierced. I also have an 11-yr-old girl, and while it's certainly not my choice for lesson o' the day, if someone talked about them and she asked what they were, I would simply tell her.

 

While I would certainly make a point of supervising the conversation if we ran into him again, just in case it is his normal small talk, I think you over-reacted a bit by telling your dd how inappropriate he was, that she wasn't allowed near him, and so on. It's really easy to let something slip when talking to kids, especially when your own kid is several years older.

[Audrey]

I wouldn't be overly suspicious or upset; there's just too much you don't know about how the conversation got to that point. In your dd's memory, he brought it up, but it's certainly possible his dd did, or a question from one of them sparked the comment that he then thought better of, or any number of things. Simply having those terms brought up in a conversation about piercings wouldn't make me automatically angry with him.

 

Of course, I also don't think it's a big, fat, hairy deal for her to know that some people get their genitals pierced. I also have an 11-yr-old girl, and while it's certainly not my choice for lesson o' the day, if someone talked about them and she asked what they were, I would simply tell her.

 

While I would certainly make a point of supervising the conversation if we ran into him again, just in case it is his normal small talk, I think you over-reacted a bit by telling your dd how inappropriate he was, that she wasn't allowed near him, and so on. It's really easy to let something slip when talking to kids, especially when your own kid is several years older.

 

 

:iagree: Your dh runs a tattoo and piercing business. I would have a hard time believing your dd didn't know about genital piercing if she is, as you say, very interested in her dad's business.

 

Also, you only heard your dd's re-telling of her side of the conversation, but maybe there was something in her questions that led to that statement by the man. Maybe his dd said something and he made a joking statement. Maybe it was inappropriate, but he could have been far more crass than mentioning the colloquial names of the piercings.

 

All in all, I think your reaction and calling the man disgusting is a bit OTT given the relevance of your dh's business and the unknown variables of the conversation details.

[jewellsmommy]

Still not appropriate. Why would he need to bring up the fact that he wouldn't pierce his bits? If a pre-teen boy was asking me about my tattoo, I can't imagine feeling the need to mention the intimate parts of my body that I wouldn't want tattooed.

 

 

EXACTLY. :iagree:

[aggieamy]

Whoa. I'd be so angry. Way inappropriate.

[katilac]

Okay, I will confess, and see if anyone is brave enough to follow, lol:

 

Over the years, I have made inappropriate comments in front of, and occasionally to, my children's friends. :leaving:

[TXBeth]

I can imagine it both ways. He could be a pervert, sure. But it could have been something like this...

Girl: "cool snakebite; where did you get it?"

Dad: "x shop; how did you know it's called a snakebite?"

G: "My dad is a piercer and I'm at his shop all the time."

D: "That's cool. Are you going to get piercings when you get older?"

G: "Maybe. How about you; do you want more?"

D: "Oh definitely."

G: "Is there any piercing you would never get?"

D: "Well I wouldn't ever get a Prince Albert or a XYZ."

G: "What are those"

Dad (kicking himself): "umm...well, you'll have to ask your parents about that one. Maybe when you're 18 they'll tell you about it."

[NanceXToo]

:iagree: Your dh runs a tattoo and piercing business. I would have a hard time believing your dd didn't know about genital piercing if she is, as you say, very interested in her dad's business.

 

You would have a hard time believing my 11 year old daughter didn't know about genital piercings just because her dad is a tattoo artist and piercer (who doesn't even DO genital piercings and certainly doesn't talk about them to his young children), and because she's interested in being a tattoo artist like her dad? Uh, okay.

 

But the "relevance" of my husband's business does NOT make it okay or appropriate for a grown man to mention genital piercings to a young girl he doesn't even know. That was just way beyond inappropriate no matter how the conversation came about.

 

Katilac, I did answer her question truthfully, and while, no, it isn't the end of the world for her to know that some people get their genitals pierced, the way she came to know that was just flat out wrong in my opinion.

 

I don't have piercings anymore but if I did and an 11 or 12 year old boy I didn't even know randomly asked me about them and asked me if there were any piercings I wouldn't get, I wouldn't go, "Yeah, well, I wouldn't get a hood piercing"... sorry, but that's just freakin' weird to allow a conversation to get on that sort of track with a child!

[tex-mex]

:iagree: Your dh runs a tattoo and piercing business. I would have a hard time believing your dd didn't know about genital piercing if she is, as you say, very interested in her dad's business.

 

Also, you only heard your dd's re-telling of her side of the conversation, but maybe there was something in her questions that led to that statement by the man. Maybe his dd said something and he made a joking statement. Maybe it was inappropriate, but he could have been far more crass than mentioning the colloquial names of the piercings.

 

All in all, I think your reaction and calling the man disgusting is a bit OTT given the relevance of your dh's business and the unknown variables of the conversation details.

I have to agree with Audrey on this one.

 

It almost sounds like immature talk that junior high school students jab over during passing periods or lunch. Or at a sleepover. It is crass to speak like this in public and the young parent deferred to the OP's husband... but it did not strike me as creepy or perverted. :confused:

[NanceXToo]

I have to agree with Audrey on this one.

 

It almost sounds like immature talk that junior high school students jab over during passing periods or lunch. Or at a sleepover. It is crass to speak like this in public and the young parent deferred to the OP's husband... but it did not strike me as creepy or perverted. :confused:

 

:confused: But it WASN'T a junior high student at lunch or girls giggling at a sleepover. I wish it was, rather than it being a grown man having a random conversation at the pool. I also don't know why you are referring to him as "a young parent" like he's 19 years old or something. He's old enough to have a 14 year old daughter, so likely in his 30's, and certainly old enough to know better than to talk about such an adult topic with my 11 year old.

Edited July 27, 2012 by NanceXToo