Do you buy your spouse's clothes?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Dh does not shop. At all. For anything. Except to get the stuff for his weekly poker game when I'm too busy to do it.

 

His mother always bought all his clothes. Right up until we got married. He was 43 years old when we got married, and his mother was still buying all his clothes. Socks, underwear- everything. He thought I would take over buying his clothes once we got married, but I squashed that illusion (delusion!) immediately. So, he still calls Mommy Dearest when he desperately needs new clothes.

 

Anyway, three years ago, I was going through closets, and started rearranging dh's closet. Since he takes his suits and dress shirts to the cleaners (another task I only do under duress), I didn't realize how threadbare his clothes were. I could literally see through his dress pants when holding them up in front of my face- through both layers.

 

He needs to look presentable for work- he's an attorney, so I insisted that he take some money and buy himself some new work clothes. He called his mother, and the two of them went off to a men's clothing store and he got some new suits and blazers and shirts. Fine. All was well. I had told him to buy some casual clothes while he was at it, and he bought one pair of jeans. Whatever.

 

So, as I've been doing laundry lately, I've realized that his other jeans- the ones he's had since we've been married, are all really cruddy and old looking. When I mentioned it to him, he asked if I could just buy him some new ones. I tried to explain that he thinks he still wears the same size after 10 years, but those old jeans are stretched out, and he might want to actually go and TRY ON the jeans to see if they are comfortable. No. That's too much effort.

 

It's not like I never buy him anything. If I happen to be shopping and see a nice shirt that I know will look nice on him, I'll buy it. I do buy some socks and underwear when I see that he needs some more so that he doesn't have to call his mom. But, I really think for something like pants, he should go and try them on first. He's got a protruding belly and an almost non-existent derrière, so it's hard to find pants that look good anyway.

 

What sayeth the hive? Should I bring some pants home for him to try on, then take them back if/when they don't fit? Or should I bully him into going to the store to buy some jeans? (If you're hesitating, you might want to take into consideration that I watch two infants full time, as well as my 8 yr. old niece 2 days a week, along with my own two kids. I also do all the yard work, pay all the bills, do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry- you get the picture.)

[DawnM]

I do buy my DH's clothes, but he CAN buy his own. He was on his own from age 20-28 when we got married.

 

I have the time to find the deals, so I shop for him.

 

Thankfully his office is now business casual and we can find new condition polo shirts at the thrift store for $4 each.

[Parrothead]

I wouldn't do it. But I'm not nice. I'd just let him end up going to the store in his underwear when the jeans fell apart.

 

I'd probably also tell his mom that it was time to let him grow up. Like I said, I'm not a nice person.

[AngieC]

Yes, I buy all of my husbands clothes. He's gone all day at work and I would rather have him around when he's not at work than be out shopping. He does buy his own shoes because he needs to try them on, but I know his other sizes and it's easier for all of us if I just pick up clothes for him. That said, he's not hard to please and will wear whatever I buy so I don't mind doing it.

 

(Now, I wouldn't do it if I had to bring all of the kids you mentioned in your post, but just your own kids wouldn't be bad in my opinion.)

[momofkhm]

I'd probably also tell his mom that it was time to let him grow up.

 

:iagree:

 

I would drag him to the store to buy new. He obviously thinks he can't do it since he keeps calling his mom. But I would not go without him.

[nono]

Yes, I buy my dh his clothes. He thinks he's taller than he is (which means he gets pants with the inseams too long, and they wear out too quickly!)

 

Should you do it? I don't know. Can you delegate? Does his Mom mind helping him out? Alternately, can you order some online so you don't have to go out?

 

Some guys are just brain dead when it comes to clothing. When I was single, I used to help a few of the single guys in the office go clothes shopping when we were away on conferences. They really needed the help! It wasn't that they were trying to take advantage of me.

[Firefly]

No, definitely not. I've knit him things, and over the years have bought him the odd clothing item for a birthday or the like, but for regular clothes shopping he buys his own. He prefers it that way, too.

[kricau]

LOL

 

You opened the door and now you are trapped in the cycle.

It's not like I never buy him anything. If I happen to be shopping and see a nice shirt that I know will look nice on him, I'll buy it. I do buy some socks and underwear when I see that he needs some more so that he doesn't have to call his mom.

[linders]

Never, except for a very few purchased as gifts.

[MrsJewelsRae]

Never. I have bought him one shirt in our entire 13 years of marriage. He is picky about buying his own clothes and shops quickly, gets what he needs and gets out. He dresses nicely, but I wish he'd wear stuff a bit more trendy. He doesn't buy clothes for me either, just a couple items that were carefully coached on where to find it, cost, color and size.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

They really needed the help! It wasn't that they were trying to take advantage of me.

 

I don't think dh is trying to take advantage of me. He really just doesn't do anything for himself. Nothing. It gets old after a while. :tongue_smilie:

 

I assign him chores and things to help me around the house, but he's worse than a kid when it comes to doing them. But, just like the kids, I still make him do them just so that they know it's not ALL my responsibility.

 

Clothes have got to fit the body. I just think it's easier if his body were actually at the store to try the stuff on. Maybe I'll call his mother and see if she can just do it. :lol::lol::lol:

[Danestress]

I hate shopping. I avoid it at all costs and have not interest in taking over that chore.

[Impish]

When we lived in the city I absolutely did buy the majority of his clothes.

 

In fact, it was a bone of contention. He'd sent me out to buy clothes for ME, and I'd come home w/stuff for him and the kids :lol:

 

I like buying his clothes, honestly. Much prefer shopping for him and the kids rather than myself. Loathe shopping for me.

 

Now that we're in the middle of nowhere, I can't go shopping w/out him, so I don't have the chance to shop for him anymore.

[taffnus]

Personally, I'd get his measurements, find some things online and show them to him. If he likes what he sees, buy online. He's apparently not picky so, as long as you get a nod, I'd buy it all online and let it go.

[Cassy]

DH can and does buy his own clothes, but also does ask me to get things for him. Basics like underwear, T-shirts, etc I just buy on-line. For things like jeans, suits, etc I arrange for us both to pop into a couple of shops in the local town when we're there for a theatre/cinema/dinner trip - we just have to leave an hour or two earlier than we would otherwise. This only happens about once a year, sometimes less. He likes me to be with him as he doesn't trust his own taste :D.

[kricau]

I do get ALL of my dh's clothing (socks, underwear, shirts, pants, etc.) and I do it with all of my kids with me. LOL (that is only 2 though) :)

 

He works all day too, sometimes even Saturday. Shopping is not his pleasure, like it is for me. So I totally don't mind doing it.

 

I think it is cute that he and his mommy do that together. I wouldn't try to stop that. But if you can grab a pair of jeans for him (I get most stuff from Wal-Mart while I am already there for groceries) then yeah, just grab 'em. But if it makes you have to do a special trip somewhere, with ALL the kids (I didn't catch how many you have?) in tow, then call his mom and ask her to do it LOL :)

 

Thanks for this post I LOVED it :)

 

 

Yes, I buy all of my husbands clothes. He's gone all day at work and I would rather have him around when he's not at work than be out shopping. He does buy his own shoes because he needs to try them on, but I know his other sizes and it's easier for all of us if I just pick up clothes for him. That said, he's not hard to please and will wear whatever I buy so I don't mind doing it.

 

(Now, I wouldn't do it if I had to bring all of the kids you mentioned in your post, but just your own kids wouldn't be bad in my opinion.)

[kricau]

:iagree: See the "overweight" post, for my reason LOL

Loathe shopping for me.

 

[kricau]

Did you see the post about "husband being the MAN in the family" ???

LOL

:)

I don't think dh is trying to take advantage of me. He really just doesn't do anything for himself. Nothing. It gets old after a while. :tongue_smilie:

 

I assign him chores and things to help me around the house, but he's worse than a kid when it comes to doing them. But, just like the kids, I still make him do them just so that they know it's not ALL my responsibility.

 

[Desert Rat]

I don't think I could help with dress clothes, but casual clothes I would just buy. But, I would get them at Walmart where I do my usual shopping, making returns lots easier. I don't know, OP, I get where you're coming from. I met dh when he was 19 (I was 21). There were a lot of things that had be taught (dishes, laundry, etc.). Your are at a disadvantage because you married your dh when he was a bit older. I firmly believe we had an easy time of it because dh was young and impressionable!

For me, that's not a hill to die on. I also do most everything around here. I do draw the line at yard work. I just flat refuse. So, I guess that is my hill.

I would just buy the clothes. On the weekend. By myself. While he watches the kids. :)

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Did you see the post about "husband being the MAN in the family" ???

LOL

:)

 

 

Yep. And this was my reply in another thread:

 

Yesterday, I told dh I was running out to Michael's to get some more glue sticks. I asked if he wanted me to pick him up some dinner while I was out (I've been painting and redecorating for the past few weekends, so not much cooking is getting done around here.) He said yes. So, I asked him what he wanted. He said, "I don't know. You know what I like. Just get me something." I said, "What do you feel like?" Him: "I don't know, whatever."

 

I started laughing and told him about the last head of household thread on here, and said, "How can you be the head of the household and make decisions for me if you can't even decide what you want for dinner!" He said, "Good thing you wear the pants in this family."

__________________

Lynne

[Wheres Toto]

Dh buys his own clothes but he orders the majority of them through Eddie Bauer. Their size charts are pretty accurate although at this point he knows what size he needs. If he needs a new suit he'll go by himself to Men's Warehouse and get fitted and order a new suit. I may buy him the occasional novelty t-shirt as a gift but that's really it although I do think I bought him a package of underwear once.

 

Dh was pretty much on his own until we married when he was 48 years old. By that point he was taking care of himself pretty well.

[Murphy101]

I am your dh. I HATE clothing shopping. He buys all his own clothes and all my clothes too, right down to socks and undies. He is very good and determining size, but a couple of times a year, he cajoles me into going with him and spending the weekend going in and out of dressing rooms.

 

I should note I am *capable* of doing my own shopping. But when I do so is not as frequent as dh thinks it should be. Also, he likes to decorate me and I tend to be more utilitarian in style. I don't care what I wear as long as it's comfortable and low hassle. So if decorating me makes him happy, then I can endure it with a smile as long as we can afford it.

 

If your dh doesn't care and you do, then I would suggest the ball is in your court? My only suggestion is to just tell him you would appreciate him looking his best for YOU? Idk how well that would go over. Some couples it's fine, other couples that is like detonating a bomb.

[elegantlion]

I do sometimes, but generally no. Dh hates to shop and has stayed the same size for years, he also needs a minimal wardrobe. H'e on the hunt for some new jeans now, so I put MY mom on the task. :lol: Seriously. They have access to more stores, so she helped me out by buying two pairs of used jeans the other day.

 

Dh and I also have widely different ideas of how he should dress. He's very basic and also older, 51. He's never been trendy, but a few years ago he was fastly approaching dated. He did let me pick out some updated shorts and shirts. He now looks more in fitting with his personality, not like he gave up buying clothes in 1991. :D

 

In your dh's case I would go buy, have him try on at home and return what doesn't work.

[melissad2]

We usually go shopping together and I have final approval. He works for DOT so he wears jeans and uniform shirt to work so that's easy, the other stuff takes a little work.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Yes, I buy all of my husbands clothes. He's gone all day at work and I would rather have him around when he's not at work than be out shopping. He does buy his own shoes because he needs to try them on, but I know his other sizes and it's easier for all of us if I just pick up clothes for him. That said, he's not hard to please and will wear whatever I buy so I don't mind doing it.

 

(Now, I wouldn't do it if I had to bring all of the kids you mentioned in your post, but just your own kids wouldn't be bad in my opinion.)

 

Yeah, I wouldn't want to interrupt his hours and hours of hammock time on the weekend by forcing him to go buy some jeans for himself. :D When my husband is "around", he's either watching TV or lying in his hammock, unless I've specifically told him to do something. He's kind of like a giant slug when he's at home. Meanwhile, I'm mowing the lawn, painting woodwork, and getting all those errands done that I don't want to do with a 3 mo. old, a 7 mo. old, two 8 yr. olds and 9 yr. old. This is primarily the reason that I think he can spare an afternoon to buy himself some jeans.

[Kelly1730]

Most of the time, yes. I'll just pick up what he needs when I'm out, sometimes they don't fit and have to be returned. Usually, I'll make him do that so he can find what fits. I don't particularly like shopping anymore and will be as much as I can online. Other times, especially if it involves something like a suit, he'll go on his own.

[Danestress]

I think that is the perfect solution. Tell him to take her out to lunch while they are out!

[Ellie]

Mr. Ellie usually buys his own clothes, although I'll go with him if he buys something important like a suit.

 

I think you should bully Mr. Scrappyhomeschooler into going shopping. You can go with him, to make sure he buys more than one pair of jeans, but he's gotta *man up* and do it. :D

[Mrs Mungo]

My dh likes to shop and buy clothes, so, no. I buy him something that I think he will like now and then, but he buys most of them on his own. He honestly considers dressing yourself well as being part of a grownup.

[Princess Peach]

I never buy my DH clothes. He is way too picky. He doesn't mind going and getting his own stuff when he needs to.

 

In your case, I'd drag your DH out with you so the two of you can do it together. You really need him there to try on things. I just had a situation in Old Navy where I tried on a pair of shorts. They fit, but I decided to buy longer ones instead, same fit same cut, just longer. So I grabbed the same size and off I went. Grrr. When I got home and put them on they didn't fit. I had to go back to the store and exchange them.

 

Moral of the story is that you really have to try every single thing on. Knowing sizes isn't enough anymore. And you are waaaaay too busy to be running back and forth to the store. Be firm about this.

[The Girls' Mom]

Yes, I do most of his clothes shopping for him. He has no sense of what matches and what doesn't. None. I've just always done it. He WILL go pick out and get fitted for his suits, but I go with him :lol:

[runamuk]

He does his own shopping, for both work and weekend clothes. He knows what he likes, but will occasionally ask me to come along for my opinion. He doesn't look forward to shopping for himself, but he doesn't mind doing it, either.

 

Until a couple of years ago, I used to do his clothes shopping - which meant I'd pick something out, bring it home, he'd look at it/try it on, and then I'd end up returning it. But last fall, he retired from the Marine Corps and started working a job where he needs to wear a suit every day. He had to do his own shopping for that and I realized that he can do all of it on his own. I may not always like what he picks out, but I'm not the one having to run all over town, buying and returning stuff, so I can live with it. :tongue_smilie:

 

I wouldn't take him to buy clothes, but only because I'm enjoying the freedom from years of the hassle. If you don't want to do it, then don't. He'll either get tired of wearing ratty jeans or only having one pair and go shopping on his own (or ask his mother to do it).

Edited July 20, 2012 by runamuk

[justamouse]

Yep. Though I do not buy his suits.

[SitLongTalkMuch]

I buy all of dh's clothes except his shoes (but I'm with him for shoe buying). Sometimes he goes with me, other times I just pick stuff up. We've been married 23 years and he has never once even bought a package of socks on his own.

 

I have no idea who bought his clothing before we married. He was 21 yo but didn't live with his mom.

[mom2scouts]

Yes. My husband hates to shop and he says I can buy him anything I want as long as he doesn't have to go shopping. He likes a certain kind of dress shirt, khakis, polos, and sweaters, so it's pretty easy to shop for him.

[BakersDozen]

I would not buy my dh's clothes in this situation, especially if my dh did this:

When I mentioned it to him, he asked if I could just buy him some new ones. I tried to explain that he thinks he still wears the same size after 10 years, but those old jeans are stretched out, and he might want to actually go and TRY ON the jeans to see if they are comfortable. No. That's too much effort.

I'm not a slave, I'm not his mom (and I personally feel that a grown man should not still be relying on his mom to shop for him), I'm not a personal shopper or drill sergeant (to my dh...now to my dc is another matter, lol). I won't do for my dh what he could very well do for himself yet chooses not to. My dh has clothes in his closet from when he was in high school and that should be replaced. He knows where the stores are.

[SitLongTalkMuch]

Yeah, I wouldn't want to interrupt his hours and hours of hammock time on the weekend by forcing him to go buy some jeans for himself. :D When my husband is "around", he's either watching TV or lying in his hammock, unless I've specifically told him to do something. He's kind of like a giant slug when he's at home. Meanwhile, I'm mowing the lawn, painting woodwork, and getting all those errands done that I don't want to do with a 3 mo. old, a 7 mo. old, two 8 yr. olds and 9 yr. old. This is primarily the reason that I think he can spare an afternoon to buy himself some jeans.

 

O.k I can see why you want him to do it himself lol. Btw clothes shopping for my dh is easy. We live on a farm so its levis, t-shirts, flannel shirts & Carhartts overalls for winter.

 

We usually go together as a family on a day when the weather is really nasty and we can't do any outdoor work. So it is kinda a treat to go. We make a day of it and go out to eat and get a Starbucks.

[MIch elle]

I don't think dh is trying to take advantage of me. He really just doesn't do anything for himself. Nothing. It gets old after a while. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

May I suggest that you don't raise your sons that way! ;)

 

I had/have a similar problem with my dh. His mother did almost everything for him. He now enjoys buying clothes for himself but will only do so if I go with him.

[Mommyof4ks]

I buy most of dh's clothes, but it is mainly because he works a lot and the last thing he wants to do is go shopping on his time off. I can't blame him, so I do it. Not a big deal. He still wears e same size he did 12 yrs ago, so it is easy, but he is working on losing weight, so I might have to go shopping again soon. :001_smile:

[Lovedtodeath]

Usually DH buys his own clothes. If he needs something specific and I am going to the store with a coupon he will tell me exactly what to get.

[Mom in High Heels]

I drag James Bond to the store and "help" (meaning I totally pick everything out) him find stuff and then make him try them on before buying them. Jeans and trousers all have different fits, so I want to know they're going to fit before we walk out the door or I'll have to drag him back. He recently lost about 20lbs and all his jeans were still 36x32. I told him he looked like a hobo. They literally hung on him. While we were in the States we went shopping and bought several new pairs of jeans and trousers. Depending on the cut, some of his jeans are 32x32, while others are 31x32. If I'd just gone in to pick something up, I'd have no idea what size to buy. I refused to let him buy "relaxed" fit jeans though because they are saggy and I like his jeans a little closer to his cute little bum so I can admire it. ;)

 

He does buy his own socks and underwear if he thinks he needs them. Sometimes I tell him he needs to buy some because they look terrible and who wants to look at that? Not me! I don't by his socks and underwear because he's very particular about them. Being particular about my own unmentionables, I totally understand.

[lailasmum]

I buy a few things for him but he does a lot himself. He gets a lot of clothes as presents and mostly lives in jeans and t shirts and they last him quite a while. He has a lot more clothes than I do.

[BakersDozen]

I don't think dh is trying to take advantage of me. He really just doesn't do anything for himself. Nothing. It gets old after a while.

I just saw this on a WTM'ers signature:

 

"There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves."~Jane Austen

;)

 

May I suggest that you don't raise your sons that way!

LOL, I just had a chit chat with my sons about this issue after reading this thread; hopefully they will always remember my rather strongly worded admonishment (and my girls as well ;)).

[justLisa]

I wouldn't do it. But I'm not nice. I'd just let him end up going to the store in his underwear when the jeans fell apart.

 

I'd probably also tell his mom that it was time to let him grow up. Like I said, I'm not a nice person.

 

The second part, yeah. For some reason I think I'd be annoyed if his mother took him shopping. But then again if I didn't then I don't think I could complain.

 

I buy everyone's clothes. Except DD, she is my little fashionista and likes shopping....though I still buy them, I mean she picks them out

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

May I suggest that you don't raise your sons that way! ;)

 

I had/have a similar problem with my dh. His mother did almost everything for him. He now enjoys buying clothes for himself but will only do so if I go with him.

 

I just saw this on a WTM'ers signature:

 

"There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves."~Jane Austen

;)

 

LOL, I just had a chit chat with my sons about this issue after reading this thread; hopefully they will always remember my rather strongly worded admonishment (and my girls as well ;)).

 

Oh, I've posted several times about how no one in dh's family ever did/does anything for themselves. Even MIL, except she does like to shop. They had "help" for everything.

 

My boys are certainly not being raised that way!:D It's "Get off your butt and do it yourself!" around here. The old dog doesn't seem to be able to learn any new tricks, though. Although, dh does do way more now than he ever did before he married me. He will actually make himself something to eat if he's starving because I refuse to cater to his food pickiness. There's a reason he couldn't find anyone to marry him until he was 43! :lol::lol::lol:

 

I love my dh. He is a good person. He just needs more help than I'm willing to give. :D He puts up with my craziness. I put up with his.

[fairfarmhand]

Dh does not shop. At all. For anything. Except to get the stuff for his weekly poker game when I'm too busy to do it.

 

His mother always bought all his clothes. Right up until we got married. He was 43 years old when we got married, and his mother was still buying all his clothes. Socks, underwear- everything. He thought I would take over buying his clothes once we got married, but I squashed that illusion (delusion!) immediately. So, he still calls Mommy Dearest when he desperately needs new clothes.

 

Anyway, three years ago, I was going through closets, and started rearranging dh's closet. Since he takes his suits and dress shirts to the cleaners (another task I only do under duress), I didn't realize how threadbare his clothes were. I could literally see through his dress pants when holding them up in front of my face- through both layers.

 

He needs to look presentable for work- he's an attorney, so I insisted that he take some money and buy himself some new work clothes. He called his mother, and the two of them went off to a men's clothing store and he got some new suits and blazers and shirts. Fine. All was well. I had told him to buy some casual clothes while he was at it, and he bought one pair of jeans. Whatever.

 

So, as I've been doing laundry lately, I've realized that his other jeans- the ones he's had since we've been married, are all really cruddy and old looking. When I mentioned it to him, he asked if I could just buy him some new ones. I tried to explain that he thinks he still wears the same size after 10 years, but those old jeans are stretched out, and he might want to actually go and TRY ON the jeans to see if they are comfortable. No. That's too much effort.

 

It's not like I never buy him anything. If I happen to be shopping and see a nice shirt that I know will look nice on him, I'll buy it. I do buy some socks and underwear when I see that he needs some more so that he doesn't have to call his mom. But, I really think for something like pants, he should go and try them on first. He's got a protruding belly and an almost non-existent derrière, so it's hard to find pants that look good anyway.

 

What sayeth the hive? Should I bring some pants home for him to try on, then take them back if/when they don't fit? Or should I bully him into going to the store to buy some jeans? (If you're hesitating, you might want to take into consideration that I watch two infants full time, as well as my 8 yr. old niece 2 days a week, along with my own two kids. I also do all the yard work, pay all the bills, do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry- you get the picture.)

This is what I do. But I'd do it on a weekend when HE would be watching children and doing some cleaning.

 

You could make it sound better to shop for himself than to stay home. "Dear, since I have to go shopping for your clothes today, I'll need you to take all the kids grocery shopping and get the house cleaned up while I am gone. There's no way I will have time to do both."

[Farrar]

Everything dh has where he looks cool and good, I bought.

 

Everything where he looks lame, he bought.

 

(just kidding... mostly)

[fairfarmhand]

Personally, I'd get his measurements, find some things online and show them to him. If he likes what he sees, buy online. He's apparently not picky so, as long as you get a nod, I'd buy it all online and let it go.

I do this too!

[redsquirrel]

I do, but only because it is convenient. I get most of his clothes at Land's End and I get the notices of sales from them. So, I see a good sale and check it out. If I see a good price and will call him and ask him if he needs pants etc.

 

He is a consistent size that hasn't changed in decades so it's no trouble. I get his jeans at Target when I am getting other stuff. When I get socks and underwear for the boys I pick some up for him as well.

 

We do have a nice second hand store in town and he will stop by there and browse if he knows he needs shorts or something. It is on his way so it makes sense for him to go there rather than for me.

 

That said, he has many responsibilities around the house. He does most of the family laundry, and always does his own work clothes. If something of his needs to go to the cleaners or be ironed he wouldn't think of asking me to do it.

 

I don't think of it as 'I shop for him' more as I keep my eyes open for a good sale.

[aaplank]

I guess this will have to be my first post. I couldn't resist commenting.

My opinion is, if it matters to you how he looks, or if his threadbare clothes at work threaten your income, then you need to step in and force him to go clothes shopping while he tries on clothes. Then when you know what size he is you can just shop for him from now on and avoid the whole MIL thing, which is not conducive to building a partnership in your marriage.

However, if you don't care how he presents himself, or his salary is not affected, then let him fend for himself. You've got enough of your plate.