Homeschooling is just sooo hard...(sorry, very long vent)...encouragement needed

[SailorMom]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

You have a baby and a toddler. Even if you weren't homeschooling, I don't see how you'd " do it all "!

Add homeschooling in there, and :tongue_smilie:

You're almost to summer break. Hang in there!

BTW - I have two teens, one who is in PS, and I send my Roomba around about every three days. Mopping? eh.... when it needs it I guess.

We are pretty good about the dishes, and generally keeping things in the "not disgusting" range :). That's all anyone can ask for from a mom of littles whether she homeschools or not!

The expectations are so beyond reasonable they make me kinda suspicious of his real intentions. You'd need a maid or a nanny to be able to do that. Is he ever passive-aggressive? Tries to get what he wants in round about ways? Maybe he really wants the older kids in school and this is his way of trying to get them there???

[Mandylubug]

Well, there is no way the house will stay perfect. Kids are mess makers and so are husbands....

 

my helps have been:

 

flylady.com

clearing out all clutter and un-necessary items

reducing everyone's laundry

 

 

Reduce the amount of toys. Give each child five toys and put the extra in a box in the garage to rotate through monthly.

 

Reduce clothes to wash by pulling out five good outfits. Toss any with stains (minus baby clothes, you just have to keep those onesies rolling ;) )

 

Reduce shoe clutter by keeping them in the garage or at the door entry in a bin. I keep one set of flip flops, one pair of play shoes, one pair of "church shoes" the rest is chunked

 

Reduce your dishes amounts to enough for your family plus two guests. Chunk the rest. Keep only pots and pans you use..

 

Less junk, less clutter, less mess.

 

Kids four and older can be given chores such as making their bed (messily but made) picking up five toys isn't that difficult. Wiping down the sink and countertops, etc.. is plausible.

 

Have a designated space for homeschooling gear and supplies and chunk it in there after school for the day and close the top/shut the door/ and walk away :p

[Miss Marple]

You've had a lot of input in the 8 years you've been married - in the form of children :) Marriages are not about one person making demands and putting burdens on another. FWIW, your husband's "expectations" do not need to be met. Are your "expectations" being met? I'm not advocating selfishness on anyone's part, but rather the need to understand that a marriage is a partnership. True partnerships are where each individual contributes and neither places undue burdens on the other. You've had enough people on this thread indicate that the expectations are unreasonable so I won't even go there. You live in that house 24/7 with those children. Children make messes. I had to tell my husband one day that this is MY office and just like I don't go to his and tell him how to keep it or how to run it, I expect the same courtesy. That said, I did try to keep things nice and clean so that if someone dropped by unexpectedly I wouldn't be thoroughly mortified :) We picked up toys around suppertime. If you can, try to hire someone to come in once a week to do some cleaning (even a couple of hours dusting or washing the windows will be helpful).

 

On the homeschooling front: if you are doing more than 2 hours of formal schooling, I would say you are doing too much. Spend this summer reassessing what you want to accomplish next year and how you will do it. I find that I'm more efficient if I have definitive goals.

 

I think the number one issue is priority: is homeschooling your children the top priority or is keeping a perfect house. You may find that the two of you disagree on the relative importance of these. If you both agree that homeschooling is #1, then work together to find a solution.

 

I've been there with 4 kids under age 7. We've homeschooled all the way through with the last 2 almost finished :) And we've been married for 28 years and managed to wrangle our way through these kind of issues.

Edited April 27, 2012 by CynthiaOK

[Slipper]

....... but from what he has said I think that the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway).

 

......... He really wants to eat dinner by 5, which helps us get the kids to bed on time. But I often have a hard time getting it done by then.

 

..... :banghead:!

 

First, I need to state that my house is somewhat messy even with a once-a-week housekeeper. My daughter (who should probably be doing something artistic or academic) is camped out on the sofa eating lucky charms and watching scooby doo. When our other girls get home from school today, DH has banned all tv and electronic gadgets until our mountain of laundry is put away.

 

When DH and I disagree on housework (or rather, I can't keep up), I look for a compromise we can agree with. We use paper plates for breakfast and lunch, along with plastic utensils and paper napkins. Cleaning up afterwards is easy and I throw the pans and prep stuff in the sink. (I clean that up as I'm working on dinner). I very carefully plan my menu on the week-ends and do grocery shopping alone. I look for stretchy items. I try to do something fancy and fun on Friday nights (and I'm teaching the girls to cook), but during the week it might look something like this:

Monday: crockpot roast

Tuesday: spaghetti

Wednesday: leftover crockpot roast, possibly made into sandwiches

Thursday: leftover spaghetti

Friday: honey dijon shrimp, steamed asparagus, basmati rice and salad

 

I always include at least one crockpot meal a week simply to keep my stress level low. On Sundays, I pre-cook breakfast items (pancakes and bacon) so that we can have a healthy breakfast via the microwave (adding scrambled eggs and fruit).

 

DH wasn't thrilled with paper plates, but he saw that it helped me and gave in.

 

My 7 yr old can sweep, so I would try to pawn that off on your oldest. If your DH is very invested in sweeping after every meal, spot sweep where the littles ate and then sweep completely after everyone is in bed (or right after dinner if your 7 yr old does it).

 

(Oh and my DH is a speed cleaner also and doesn't understand how I am not one, so I sympathize.)

 

If he wants vacuuming done daily (and even my DH doesn't go that far), seriously, invest in a roomba. Make sure your/DH bedroom is vacuumed and then shut that door and make it off limits. Send the roomba around while dinner is going.

 

Keep a limited amount of toys downstairs and everyone helps pick up before he gets home. I've found that if DH walks into a clean room, he's okay with a little mess elsewhere. I've also found that scented air fresheners make the place smell clean and I use them on days when I have leftovers so he smells something nice when he walks in.

 

Beds made up? I'd do yours/his and do the others if you have time (our kids make them up about half the time).

 

Laundry? Good luck. We have a mountain in our living room and another mountain left to wash.

 

My husband sounds a lot like yours. Basically, if he sees me making an effort, he automatically relaxes his expectations. I'm only homeschooling one this year and she's easy. Adding in babies and littles....it's a lot to ask. Build yourself in some supports and assistance, even if it's a bit costly.

 

All the best to you.

[Julie Smith]

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

 

Those expectations are just not reasonable. That is just too much for one person to accomplish in one day.

 

I agree.

 

I know regardless of me, it would be hard on my kids. They like to play. Sometimes when Daddy gets home they are still in a game. Or they left a game set up because they will be back into it that day. I think it might (with the exception of ongoing projects) be reasonable to have the house clean once a day if you don't have a baby.

[JenMama]

Hi! Here's a site that might help you with dinner. This woman has a list of recipes for dinners that you prep, shove in the freezer, and then toss in the crock pot in the morning. It took me 2 hours to prep 10 dinners, and my family loved them all. The ones we tried were really healthy - very produce heavy. We like a lot of spice, so I'd double it for the BBQ chicken and goulash, but the curry was plenty spicy. http://mamaandbabylove.com/real-food/

[prairiegirl]

First, :grouphug::grouphug: I have been where you are now. The only difference is that the criticism and pressure came solely from my in-laws. My dh probably does not like the clutter and mess but he doesn't say anything. He knows that I am doing my best.

 

I have my priorities with homeschooling and making 3 healthy meals a day. I try to do damage control with the cleaning but some days, well, it just doesn't get done. It can not all be done. It is physcially and emotionally impossible. It does help, though, that my kids are older now and they help quite a bit.

 

One thing I do want to say, though, is that I looked at your siggie. You have Abeka LA as well as FLL and WWE. Is that all with your oldest? I think that is overkill. Maybe just pick one like FLL and WWE. That may help cut down on ds' frustrations. If I am off base then I apologize. I am trying to do some armchair help and sometimes that is no help at all. :001_smile:

[Mommyfaithe]

hi! Here's a site that might help you with dinner. This woman has a list of recipes for dinners that you prep, shove in the freezer, and then toss in the crock pot in the morning. It took me 2 hours to prep 10 dinners, and my family loved them all. The ones we tried were really healthy - very produce heavy. We like a lot of spice, so i'd double it for the bbq chicken and goulash, but the curry was plenty spicy. http://mamaandbabylove.com/real-food/

 

oh man!!!!!! Thank you for thise link!!!!!!!

[kalanamak]

You've had a lot of input in the 8 years you've been married - in the form of children :) Marriages are not about one person making demands and putting burdens on another. FWIW, your husband's "expectations" do not need to be meet. Are your "expectations" being met? I'm not advocating selfishness on anyone's part, but rather the need to understand that a marriage is a partnership. True partnerships are where each individual contributes and neither places undue burdens on the other.

 

:iagree: He also needs to remember that the kids won't be little forever, and that even without homeschooling, littles are messy. It is life.

[besroma]

I have not read the entire thread, so this may be something already recommended.

 

This book is very helpful: Large Family Logistics

 

The author writes with an understanding, not condescending tone. She explains that we must learn how to run our home and homeschool with many little ones at home because our parents did not do it, and thus were unable to teach us how to (or offer us much advice on how to do it now).

 

One suggestion she makes is that the first thing you do in the morning is to start a load of laundry, and if you have a lot of laundry, that you do not pass the laundry room without doing something with it. We do laundry every day, and have one day a week we must get all of it done. (We have five under the age of 10).

 

She has a LOT of great suggestions, and it is not expensive from Amazon.

 

Also, I cook a lot in bulk.....lots of soups at one time (like four different ones). The kitchen is a major wreck while I am doing it, but I freeze half of it and use the rest over the course of a few days, adding sides and bread, and my kitchen isn't a wreck all of the time. I used to fix *every* meal each day and I could not keep up with the dishes.

 

I also use Fix, Freeze, Feast which helps me tremendously.

 

It *will* get better as you continue to work at it. You cannot do it all perfectly, but you can do a lot of it well. Your children are still so small, that you can focus a bit more on the house at this point and get some great routines going that they will love helping you with. You figuring out how to work it so that it works for your family and training them how to do it is a great education and gift in itself.

 

Maybe think of tackling a couple areas at a time......laundry done and put up and kitchen clean.....consistently, every week. Then add another area, and so on. If DH isn't overwhelmed when he comes home, he will see that helping pick up the toys makes a difference...feel a sense of accomplishment. (Not judging here.....speaking from btdt! ;))

 

Above all, don't get overwhelmed. You are not alone. As long as you keep the communication open with your husband, you will very likely be able to find a rhythm of keeping the house clean and homeschooling the kids.

[Cricket]

:grouphug: I've been there. Some of the biggest fights between dh and I early in our marriage were over the house. And I didn't even have the excuse of children yet! Over the years I've gotten better at cleaning and dh has definitely relaxed his standards. He had lived alone for 15 years before we were married and his house was SPOTLESS all the time. Throw babies and toddlers into the mix and wow.

 

You've gotten some good advice here. I strongly second (or third or fourth) the recommendation to downsize the kids' toys and stuff. If you don't have so much stuff, it is easier to keep things clean and picked up. Do you have a play room where the kids could keep their things? Then you could just close the door on that mess. (I wish our house was big enough for a play room!)

 

I also had to honestly look at where I was spending all my time. Really I only sleep 5-6 hours so that leaves 18 hours that I'm awake. I was spending hours reading novels and also on the computer. If I make myself clean first, I still get time to do more relaxing things. Also, I can sneak on here after I give the boys an assignment. I get at least 10 minutes here and there.

 

This was a big issue with me. I would whine about how I didn't have time to clean the house and I didn't even have kids. I have no idea what I did with my time!

 

Work on training your kids to do household chores. Charlotte Mason is big on habit training. A 7 yo and 5 yo are capable of doing things like picking up toys, sorting laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc. My 8 yo takes a turn doing the dishes by hand for a week at a time. Kids like to be active and busy so you may as well channel some of that energy into something productive. :)

 

Also, if your 7 yo ds is dreading school that much, maybe take a look at what you are doing with him during the day. We are following Ambleside Online (Charlotte Mason approach) and a 7 yo would be doing Year 1. It took us about an hour a day.

 

I complete agree with a pp who said to ask your dh to prioritize what areas he would like to stay clean. My mom told me that before my dad got home she would set the table (your older two could handle this) and have supper at least started and have the areas by the door picked up. There have been times I've gone out and come home to chaos and a wrecked house. It is stressful!

[MomatHWTK]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

You have a baby and a toddler. Even if you weren't homeschooling, I don't see how you'd " do it all "!

 

 

:iagree: I don't think adding getting a 7 y.o. up and out the door on time each morning, getting him home at night, doing homework and getting assignments ready for the next day is going to ease the burden. :confused: (But then, I'm not a morning person.)

 

 

ETA: It looks like your household has been in a state of change for several years. I hope that you and your DH are able to talk with love and respect toward one another about more reasonable goals. I've been married twenty years this summer, I can certainly give my DH "what for" and we'll live through it. But, it does take time to learn to communicate. I think guys often just thinks things are a certain way, they'll always be that way and the wife will just keep doing what she's always done. Every child you add, a wonderful blessing, changes that mix. It changes you physically, emotionally, mentally. Figure out how he listens best, where his blind spots are (as it sounds like he has a few), and let him know that loving you includes accepting your imperfections and limitations as a human being.

Edited April 27, 2012 by MomatHWTK

[Mergath]

He wants your house perfect with that many young kids running around? *snort*

 

Tell him, "You can have educated children, a clean house, or a home-cooked dinner ready at five every night. Pick two."

 

There seems to be a group of men out there who feel that staying home and homeschooling is a privilege that has to be earned, and if the little woman doesn't meet a certain expectation, she can lose the privilege. That really irks me. On the rare occasion that my dh has said anything, he's gotten the look. You know, the one where I try to kill him with my brain. I recommend cultivating a very fearsome look for those times when your dh's demands don't deserve the dignity of an actual response.

[moonlight]

wow, i just had to respond to this...i have three boys (ages 9, 5 and 6 months) old. i have a full time live in housekeeper whose job is to clean, do laundry and cook.....that being said, our house is NEVER spotless because we LIVE in this house. they are kids. my kids are not even that messy, but we have papers and books everywhere all.the.time! i take care of my kids and school them, but she does all the housework and it is not possible for her to clean the house top to bottom everyday with all the laundry that needs to get done and 3 meals to get through...we are lucky that the bathrooms are clean and that the floors get done weekly.

 

without help, something's gotta give. in our case, we ate out often because i just could not do it and i had my kids pick their clothes from the clean clothes pile just to reduce the mountain.

 

:grouphug:

 

seema

 

p.s. my husband recommends a separate "den" for your husband so he can retreat from it all if he needs to.

[Embassy]

:grouphug: Sorry, it sounds like your dh expects the impossible. I certainly don't know how to keep a house spotless with littles around - even without homeschooling. Kids constantly make messes. It is normal and natural. Play requires a bit of a mess. Playtime that is constantly surrounded by needing to stay neat is restrictive. I do keep toys organized or at least try to and require my child to pick up a toy box before getting a new one out. Teach them to pick up after themselves. Over the years the house will start getting easier to clean because older children can help out more and they make less mess.

 

Homeschooling is a priority in our house, but I try to stay on top of other things by keeping up with the dishes every day and cleaning one area of the house well each day. Laundry is done over 2 days and I don't do any laundry the rest of the week. My house is far from spotless.

[kewb]

I wonder if I can keep it up. How is it possible to do this and keep up on the dishes, laundry, and housework and stay sane?? I don't keep up with all of it. My house is not the level of put together that I would like.

 

My Dh was helping out a lot around the house as well as working, and I really appreciated it. He wants a spotless house...and even with his help...the kids can trash it in about 5 minutes. I feel a lot of pressure from him to keep it perfectly clean, though I don't think he means to make me feel pressured. He says it doesn't have to be "perfect"....but yeah, pretty much or close to it. He says it's a slippery slope if it gets messy. It is REALLY hard (nearly impossible) to get these kids to pick up after themselves. But Mom needs improvement, too. I WANT a clean house...but cleaning has got to be my least favorite activity. I feel like I'm constantly working without much to show for it. If I could just be a tornado cleaner like Dh, it would be fine. But he's the hare and I'm the s.l.o.w. tortoise. Has he said you are too slow or is this your interpretation of what is going on?

 

Anyway, this weekend Dh had had enough, and won't be helping inside the house at all anymore. He was super stressed to the breaking point. He'll do the outside and the garage and clean the cars for me, but everything else (cleaning, dishes, laundry, schooling, paying bills) is my responsibility.:scared: Though he has helped a tad bit here and there, and he does help with the kids. He really is a good husband. I am sure he truly is a good husband and father and that he works hard to provide for his family. However, if my dh told me what your dh did I would say fine but you will need to accept that it will be cleaned to my liking not yours. If you want it different you will be responsible for it.

 

So I feel like I'm drowning. I don't want to be depressed and bitter...I don't want to hate my life. I wanted to be the cheerful homeschooling mom who loved her kids and loved life...yadda yadda...the whole charlotte mason mom with her kids outside in their fabulously-close-to-nature backyard painting with dry brushes. You need to discuss with your dh your feelings of drowning. That is not a good place for you to be and it takes its toll on the family and marriage.

 

I'm writing this because I'm feeling a lot of pressure from the in-laws to put the oldest in ps. I'd have to keep hsing Ds5 since he probably could never cope in ps, at least not yet. Though I really don't know how Ds7 would do in ps...he's very social, talkative, hyper, and distractable. We wanted to homeschool for religious and academic reasons. The ps here is very poor and private school is out of our reach. They're saying that life would just be so much easier if I didn't hs. Why not get rid of any burdens I don't have to have? Teaching your children is not a burden. Taking care of the house is. Get a cleaning lady 1 to 2x a month.

 

I just want to know...do you veteran homeschoolers with four kids really have a handle on it all? Am I just a hs failure, or is this hard for you, too? How do you do it all? Truly, how clean are your houses? Do you cook three good meals a day?? I only have 2 kids and they are 14 & 11 and my house is a disaster more days than not. It is certainly not as clean as I would like. I do not cook 3 meals a day. From the time my kids were 5 they knew how to make their own sandwiches for lunch and how to take a yogurt and add granola to it for breakfast. As they got older they learned how to make eggs and pasta.

 

I see that you and your dh need to have a serious discussion about what your goals are as a family and reasonable expectations. You are not him and he is not you. Balance between his expectations and your capabilities needs to be found.

 

And I will repeat-get a cleaning lady at least 1x a month to help.

[jennsmile]

Mine decided to build his own rooms onto our house. It is kept the way he likes it. His own kitchen, bathroom, sitting room & office...lol. I know it sounds crazy....but it has saved us from many, many, arguments and unreasonable expectations. Kids can go in those rooms only when daddy is home....otherwise, off limits! It stays the way he left it....and he is happy with that. I don't complain about his space....he keeps his 2 cents to himself about my space. He does his own laundry, dishes cleaning etc ( although I will vacuum his part of the house because I am nice....and he never vacuums). He also has allergies to our cats....so no cats in daddy's space....lol

 

I know it sounds crazy....but maybe if he had some of his own ...no kid space...he would be happier.

I love this. I dream of a tiny house just for me to retreat too.

[stripe]

I have no idea if my husband expects a super clean house.... I've never asked.

 

I will say, though, that he's really impressed if he comes home and walks into a clean living room. Ha.

 

I won't prioritize cleaning over everything else. If someone feels that strongly about cleanliness, hire a professional. I, for one, am not a cleaning professional. I went to college and didn't study homemaking.

 

I think you need support and encouragement, not an ultimatum.

 

But anyhow, I have also tried to get my kids to play (=mess up) only certain parts of the house, rather than getting into everything in every room. If you have a "school room" or play room you can shut the door on, that might help a bit. They sure had those back in the old days -- the kids were off in the nursery or outside.

[Carol in Cal.]

I agree with the others. The expectations are unreasonable. The lack of help is ridiculous especially when combined with them. Organization and planning will help, but won't accomplish the full task.

 

I would add to the excellent advice that you have gotten so far, think through what you really enjoy at home. For me those things would be cooking and reading to and homeschooling the children. So for me, sitting down with a pile of cookbooks, planning menus for the week, and making a shopping list would be really fun. Doing the cooking would be fun, too, although I would try to use leftovers and pre-cooking soups and spaghetti sauce for the freezer as well. I would not use paper plates, because it just takes a minute to load the dishwasher, and I find them demoralizing. I enjoy reading ahead, picking books to assign and to read aloud, talking about literature, and watching kids learn stuff.

 

So I would then focus on the things I really like to do, and I would try as much as possible to minimize and/or delegate the stuff I hate.

 

As for sweeping after every meal, that's ridiculous. With 4 kids? Snort. But I could imagine sweeping and doing some superficial clean up right before DH gets home. I would want him to feel invited home rather than clobbered on sight--although if he put the expectations on me that yours has, I truly would clobber him on sight. Just generally.

 

As for cleaning up, I would pick the public areas for that. That means the dining room and living room and entry hall. But I would try for a messy room that the kids could be feral in. Maybe a family room or a tent in the back yard, but something. And then gradually I would declutter and install storage of various types--Billy bookshelves are great, and monster racks for the attic/basement/garages. Maybe bins, although I find that those enhance clutter and have to be dug through all the time--pretty messy and high maintenance.

 

But something to consider (I truly hate bringing this up) is that at the office your DH is probably in an organized atmosphere, and you don't actually want him to hate to come home. Having said that, it's a team effort and he should be on the team.

[JenMama]

If the budget allows, a Roomba is really helpful, too! Mine runs every night while we sleep and the whole house is always vacuumed (even along the baseboards :001_smile:). It takes me 5 minutes to clean it out every day. (The scooba, it's mopping cousin, is entirely useless, though.) If you do get a Roomba, I'd recommend Bed, Bath and Beyond with a 20% off coupon, or Costco, or somewhere else with a good return policy. Leave the box with the receipt taped to it in the garage, so if it malfunctions after 9 months, you can go do an exchange instead of having to deal with mailing it somewhere...

[Elinor Everywhere]

:grouphug:

 

Homeschooling/housekeeping is a balance. I found out recently that if I focus on my dh's "triggers" we all feel more restful. For him, he feels stressed if he walks in and the entryway and kitchen are dirty. He could care less about the laundry, beds made, etc. but the immediate sight when he walks in sets the mood.

 

*I* feel better when beds are made and the bathrooms are clean. I took inspiration from Flylady and make my bed as soon as I get up, the toddler's after nap, and the big kid takes care of his own with me checking. If I may share some tips that have worked in my house...

 

-put your cleaning supplies where you'll use them. I keep washrags in each bathroom and the kitchen. Every morning I can quickly scrub the toilet(30 seconds), wipe the sinks (1 minute), and shine the faucet handles. Every few days I'll do the mirror, too.

 

-get rid of 90% the kids' toys and organize the rest into baskets or open containers you can toss things in.

 

-don't nail jello to the tree. There's no point in me cleaning the entryway at 9am. I do it at 5pm, right before dh gets home.

 

-keep a basket for each big kid in the living room. As you go through the house you can drop stuff in it for them to put away as part of their evening routine.

 

Great post! I like your suggestions - they are easy to implement and would make the OP's life much simpler. My dh, too, likes to come into a clean entryway and reasonably picked up house. I'm a pile person, and after 21 years of marriage he's just had to learn to live with it. To appease him, I keep my piles stacked neatly. :D

 

Since my dh does all our evening cooking (and breakfast if he's in town), he especially likes a clean kitchen. Very frustrating for him to work all day and then have to clean the kitchen before cooking! So, we concentrate on a very quick (10 min) general pick-up of the house, and my ds cleans the kitchen after lunch.

 

I'm bad about the bathrooms, so I really liked your ideas for that. And you're right - I don't have cleaning supplies in all of them. I'll be fixing that this weekend. :001_smile:

[black_midori]

... I think that the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway).

 

First, I have to say that long-term it seems that you will have some major problems if he considers a clean house as more important than the education of his kids. That sounds to me like a lead-in to just plain not being supportive of HS - and without the financial backing of a supportive someone, I think it would be very difficult to do!

 

Now, on to the actual "helpful" notes! lol :)

 

1) downstairs vacuuming - I would consider getting an automatic vacuum (like a Roomba) and setting it to run every day, maybe in the afternoon before he comes home & after you've picked up toys out of the way.

 

2) laundry - I wash the loads & move them to the dryer, but then I put them out on the boys' beds & send them in to put the clothes away in their drawers. My sons are barely-6 & 8, and they have been fully capable of doing this step for well over a year now. Insist that they get it done before any "fun" play can be done (around here, all required chores - separated into 3 time-frames - must be done before any screen time, since that is their currency).

 

3) bed making - again, have the kids do this! In our house, this is a daily chore that gets done as part of "required chores" each morning before they are allowed to do screen time. They also have a limited time for screen-time before school-work, so they might miss it altogether if they dawdle. I make my own bed as soon as I get out of it in the morning (and then several times a day I fix it, as the kids mess it up! :tongue_smilie:).

 

4) if toys MUST be picked up from EVERYWHERE, then I would limit the places they are allowed to be. If my hubby were nearly as picky as yours sounds, the kids would only be able to have toys in their bedrooms & possibly bringing one out at a time from there. I just couldn't do it. Currently, the living room is our play room - I require that they pick up the toys in there & dump them in toy boxes on the sides of the room twice a day (once after lunch, once before bed). We don't do a very good job - I am happy as long as I can walk by without stepping on anything, but it definitely doesn't have "visual appeal"!! Once a month or so I insist on very nice.

 

5) General deep cleaning - hire someone! That's the only way I could do it. I HATE cleaning house, and my beloved hubby knows it. We have a lady come out every other week & do deep cleaning for us (ovens, bathrooms, microwave, windows, etc). We started with her once a month, and it was SO NICE to have all of that taken care of that we gradually moved to every 3 weeks, then every 2. I work part-time and make pretty good money, and our "family decision" was that it made more time for me to work a little and pay someone than to work none and lose my sanity & happiness.. :lol::lol:

 

I have 2 very highly active boys, ages just-6 & 8, and I have found that they CAN help! It requires a lot of hand-holding (especially at the beginning, and then periodically during the month), but they CAN be helpful!

 

You might look into the "Accountable Kids" chore chart system - we used that for awhile & it really helped us get over the hump of "they won't do it". It wasn't ME pushing them anymore, it was "an outside force" that dictated what needed to be done and reminded them daily of those things. All I had to do was set it up & then gently remind them to go look at the chart ("mom, can I watch TV?" - "I don't know, honey - go see what the chore chart says is left to be done & how many tickets you have available from previous chores").

[ApronMama]

With 4 kids, 3 of whom are 5 and under, you are not going to be able to keep up with all of that whether or not the 7yo is in school. This is a season of life and while you might be able to make some changes that help keep things tidier, his expectations are unreasonable. The laundry alone will keep you busy!

 

There have been some excellent practical suggestions on this thread. Since you said part of your reason for homeschooling is spiritual, I'd just add that you might start praying that the two of you become "of one mind." (Phil. 2:1-2) You can pray it together, or just by yourself. God desires harmony between the two of you, and I have found that praying this over issues of disagreement provides changed minds and/or creative solutions over time. Sometimes it changes me, sometimes it has changed my dh, and sometimes it has just changed the circumstances.

 

:grouphug:

[monalisa]

:iagree: :grouphug:

 

I triple Agree. You might need to see a marriage counselor or pastor, because I don't think it is fair to say "he really is a good husband" when he has these high expectations and then says he won't help.

 

I have to remind myself all the time that our house can't stay 100% clean and perfectly tidy when we are IN IT ALL DAY EVERY DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK! Also, I remind myself that my house will be completely clean and clutter free when my kids are grown and my "nest" is empty; that will be here before I know it. And then I'll be wishing to get back those crazy days with cheerios all over the floor and toys scattered everywhere. Because it will be really, really, sadly quiet and my kids will be gone.

 

Your kids are old enough to do a chore system like Accountable Kids. Another good one is "Managers of their Chores" but it is a little overwhelming.

 

I agree with everyone who says get rid of lot of stuff, especially toys. The less stuff there is in your house, the easier to keep picked up. In fact, I am about to hire a professional organizer for a few hours to help me out in that area because I need to clear out (which I can do) and set up systems and I am not too good at that.

 

I feel the same pressure to try to juggle everything, but my husband is generally supportive and helpful. I'm so sorry you aren't getting that help and support. :grouphug:

[thewaka]

I think that the minimum he wants is this:

 

In catching up this morning, seeing quotes of your posts, two things caught my attention I didn't notice last night. One: minimum. There is more he actually wants you to do? Two: cleans the cars *for you*. I am really starting to hope there is a serious misunderstanding going on.

 

You have also used the words "seems" and "I think." You and he need to sit down and BE CLEAR. Let him know what you think he wants, let him clarify. I wouldn't tell him "everyone at The Hive is on my side" but let him know there simply are not enough hours in the day. You now know there aren't.

 

:grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

I wanted to add to my other post, but was afraid that you wouldn't see it. So here goes.

 

If YOU don't like cooking, pick what YOU like to do, or tolerate more than the rest, and do THAT, and figure out a way to delegate cooking. That was really the point of what I was trying to say--do your favorite stuff, try to delegate/hire out/minimize the rest, and make a 'clean area' and a 'toy area' for now, while working toward decluttering and organization opportunities.

 

Also, personally, I NEVER let my DH say 'help you'. My view, consistently and verbally, has always been that this is OUR home, and we are pitching in together. It's not MY JOB. It's OUR HOME. I have to say, I do most of it, and I didn't mind when I was home all the time, but once I started working fulltime and homeschooling I resented it tremendously that DH didn't step up. But even when I was fulltime at home, I never let us fall into saying things that made it all my job.

[Parrothead]

In catching up this morning, seeing quotes of your posts, two things caught my attention I didn't notice last night. One: minimum. There is more he actually wants you to do? Two: cleans the cars *for you*. I am really starting to hope there is a serious misunderstanding going on.

 

Wait I missed the cleans the cars for you part. Did he marry you or did he just want someone to clean for him for free?

 

Sweetie, it is time for him to decide what is important. Family or a spotless home environment. You say he is a good husband but he is sounding more and more like a demanding overbearing pompous whatchamadoodle.

[Greta]

Does he provide janitorial service at his job WHILE he is working?

 

Does he provide janitorial service at his full time job with four crazy co-workers going behind him messing up everything he does, and cook and serve lunch for the entire office staff, cleaning up after that too of course, and still get everything done by 5pm sharp? That seems to be what he is expecting of his wife.

 

OP, there are no easy answers here. I don't think this is about your time management or housekeeping skills at all. I think this is about your husband's expectations, and your ability to communicate to him your needs, expectations, abilities, and limitations. :grouphug: I think his expectations are completely unreasonable at a time when you have two out of four children still in the baby and toddler years. But if he's unwilling to adjust his expectations even temporarily, then HE needs to find a way to meet them.

 

I have a homeschooling friend with five kids, and plans for at least one more. She and her husband both wanted a big family, and are very happy. Her husband needs the house to be clean when he gets home for his peace and sanity. There's nothing wrong with needing that, it's a perfectly valid need. So he hired a maid.

 

Your husband told you what he expects. Now you must tell him what you are capable of doing and willing to do. Then he must decide if he can live with that, or, if not, what he must do to fill the gap between the two.

 

Good luck. I know it isn't easy. There's a gap between my housekeeping and my husband's preferences as well. I've learned to do better, and he has learned to relax his standards. We've found a happy medium, but it took several years, and things were rough in the meantime. :grouphug:

[stripe]

I hope I didn't imply my house is a dump. Just that my husband understands that a hungry kid comes before laundry or house tidying.

[Alice]

I'm going to assume that your husband is a good guy, who is just maybe going through his own stresses and maybe is also unaware of how hard it can be to be at home. Maybe he grew up with a Mom who seemed to do it all.

 

Secondly, I'll say that I agree that the expectations are unrealistic. I work part-time, homeschool and have three small kids. Our house is fairly clean and neat but not spotless. BUT, my husband does a huge amount of the housekeeping and cooking (and stays home while I work which is one reason I think he realized how hard it is). And we have gone to hiring a cleaning service biweekly to come in and do a more thorough clean. I do think it's possible to homeschool and have a reasonable clean house and organized life but NOT doing it all yourself. It takes a lot of help.

 

Even with all the help I have last week I got totally overwhlemed and lost it one morning. End the end it was good as dh and I were able to talk about some things and how to make things work more smoothly as a family. I often make the mistake of ascribing thoughts or feelings to my husband that are not really his. Usually I find he is very willing to change or help work things out than I might expect.

 

Maybe you all could sit down and talk about your overall vision. Why do you homeschool? If you agree that it is best, maybe it would help for you both to be reminded of why you are doing it. What are your priorities? If education is a priority, other things may have to take a back seat in this season. What resources do you have for help? Can you hire a housekeeper even for once or twice a month? I found that even not coming weekly it is immensely helpful to have the deeper cleaning done. Can you hire a mother's helper or other help somehow? What things are most important to you both? Is it clutter? Is it cooking dinners? Maybe you could focus on whatever is most important. If it's really important to your dh to have dinner ready when he comes home, perhaps you could work on having that happen, but realizing other things might get left until later. Can dinner be easy foods? Could you work out a schedule where some days he picks up dinner and brings it home?

 

And I might be slammed for saying this, but if he is truly unwilling to help at all and truly does have the expectations that everything at home be perfect...I'd probably put the kids in school. That might sound harsh but I personally could not homeschool unless we did it as a team and I look at the team aspect being that everything at home needs to be a team approach.

[Alice]

Double post

[newhsmom]

My children are about the same age as your children and I feel like I am drowning. My husband works two jobs and is very busy. However, right now until the baby is older I have to have his help. He does pay most of the bills and everyone pitches in on Saturday to finish anything I didn't get to during the week. I still shoulder most of the load, but everyone lives here and will help maintain the house. I really think you need to sit down with your husband to discuss his expectations versus the reality of having four small children. It will not always be like this. The children will get older and can be more involved in household chores, but right now you are in a demanding season of life. Someone is going to have to help you whether it is your husband, a relative or a house keeper or he will have to adjust his perception of what a clean house has to look like. Just my two cents.

[Tress]

:grouphug:, because I know exactly what you are going through.

[momto2Cs]

I remember being caught up on laundry once (though of course you're never really caught up unless everyone is naked), and then someone had to clean up a spill a few minutes later.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[*Michelle*]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to come home to a clean house and a good dinner. The issue here, as others have pointed out, is your husband's expectations of how that is accomplished.

 

My husband had a period of being very spoiled by my housekeeping. Everything was tidy, meals were made from scratch, I was sewing the kids' clothes... I was to the point of lacto-fermenting salsas and things like that. :)

 

Then, our youngest son started weekly therapy. And my husband got loaded up with a lot of new responsibilies at work and started coming home a couple of hours later each day. And our youngest went from being a laid-back infant to a very demanding toddler. And I got pregnant again and had my usual glorious three months of extreme nausea.

 

Everything slipped and fell behind and I was exhausted and felt like I could never catch up. After a few months of stressing and feeling completely inadequate, I checked my premises.

 

I was really pregnant.

I had three children under four years old.

I had a husband who was already stressed at work and who was coming home to a stressed wife.

I was starting to feel like my kids were getting in the way of my day instead of realizing that they were my day.

 

I'm very thankful and grateful that my husband's and my priorities were the same. The biggest thing was to keep me sane and keep the kids at home. We took a hard look at our budget and decided to make a few sacrifices to ensure that I wouldn't wind up on the 5 o'clock news.

 

We hired the daughter of a friend to come over once a week for a few hours so that I could get out of the house on my own. I do our weekly shopping during that time. I run errands. I schedule OB appointments then.

 

Once I started feeling human again, we thought about what else we could outsource. Housework was the natural decision. I'd already broken up chores by day, but the problem was that any deviation threw the entire schedule off. Sure, I was supposed to clean all the bathrooms today, but one of the kids threw up all over the couch and I spent my morning chore time removing cushion covers, pre-cleaning them, and getting them in the wash. Not to mention I also had a sick child who needed to be comforted and cared for. And that meant the bathrooms got put off to the next day, along with whatever was supposed to be done then already. Push, push, push.

 

So we figured out what we could possibly spend on having someone come in once a week to help. Honestly, we didn't have a lot. But we figured we could afford someone to come in for two hours per week. That's what we did. Her top priorities for those two hours are to clean the bathrooms and sweep and mop all of the hard floors. Those are the two jobs that were hardest for me to get done with the kids running around and getting into everything. If it takes her the whole two hours to do those things, fine. If she finishes up early, she'll do something random like cleaning a window or two. When she leaves, I can use our mandatory quiet time for that day to run the vacuum and dust.

 

No more laundry all on one day, either. At some point in the morning, I throw a load in. All of the baskets are in the laundry. Whichever one is full is the one that gets done. When we're getting ready to eat dinner, the load is transferred to the dryer. By the time we're finished up, the clothes are dry and ready to be folded. My husband spends an hour playing with the kids each night before bath. While they're wrestling around on our bedroom floor, I'm folding the clothes and putting them away.

 

And dinners? I've eliminated the intricate meals I used to spend half the day preparing. We miss them, but it's just not feasible. When the kids are older and able to help out more, I can go back to them. For now, we're eating a lot of simple meals that don't require a lot of advance prep work, thought, or attention.

 

End result: Happier kids. Happier wife. Happier husband. It's not permanent. Someday, I will go back to baking our own bread and all of that. Until then, flexibility and a recognition of each other's needs rules the day!

[Mommyfaithe]

 

Also, personally, I NEVER let my DH say 'help you'. My view, consistently and verbally, has always been that this is OUR home, and we are pitching in together. It's not MY JOB. It's OUR HOME. I have to say, I do most of it, and I didn't mind when I was home all the time, but once I started working fulltime and homeschooling I resented it tremendously that DH didn't step up. But even when I was fulltime at home, I never let us fall into saying things that made it all my job.

 

this is my biggie with dh!!! This is OUR home...not MY home. I work long hours, homeschool AND usually do all the extra curriculars with our kids. I am toast! He knows it. So, it is basically step up to the plate, buddy, or it won't get done. It is NOT ALL MY FAULT and I refuse to accept that. We need to be a team. It is not his needs vs. My needs. It needs to be OUR needs...including the kids needs.

[stripe]

Thank you for that thoughtful post, Michelle.

 

Carol & Faithe - what I hate is dads who "babysit" their own kids. I've forbidden my husband to say that!

[Mommyfaithe]

Thank you for that thoughtful post, Michelle.

 

Carol & Faithe - what I hate is dads who "babysit" their own kids. I've forbidden my husband to say that!

 

Oh, UGH!!! I hate that too. Dh loves to spend time with our kids...as much as he can squeeze in. I hate when I hear " babysit" in the same sentence as " my husband.".

[FO4UR]

I agree that his expectations are completely unrealistic...and, I think, cruel to impose upon someone else.

 

 

:grouphug:

 

 

 

Is it possible that he doesn't want to HS and rather than saying so outright, is putting you into a spot that you have to cry "UNCLE" and throw in the towel? If he was so stressed just helping out a little bit after work, then certainly he can logically reason that you don't find the same work (after a busy day!!!) a joy.;)

 

 

You are an adult. What are your expectations? What are your priorities?

 

 

You have heard his. Lay out yours.

[garddwr]

The reality is that you're not going to be able to do everything. Four children under 8 means either you will be spending all day giving most of your attention to the children OR you are going to have lots of messes. My husband doesn't help much in the house (occasional loads of laundry and, in the past few months, occasional kitchen clean-up). He does a great job providing for our family and is a wonderful father and wonderful support to me, I am very grateful for the work he does (as I hear him quietly slip out the door before 5:00 every morning while we are still snuggled in bed), but if he expected our house to be spotless he would have to either find a way to help more himself or hire someone to do it--that is not a standard I am able to keep up with all my other responsibilities. I do ALL the finances, manage car maintenance, 95% of the yard and garden care, most of the laundry, all the cooking, almost all of the dishes, all the vacuuming/sweeping/mopping/window cleaning...general picking-up I am either doing or supervising the kids in doing (which is at least as time consuming as doing it myself!) I am also responsible for homeschooling the kids, nursing the baby, running errands, managing doctor/dentist/orthodontist appointments etc. I sat down once to make a detailed schedule, first writing out what I felt I needed to accomplish in a day and how long it should take, I realized that I was expecting to do in a 24 hour work that would really take over 30 hours. I was expecting the impossible.

I have come to realize that a large part of my scheduling and organizing challenge is simply deciding what things NOT to do. My house is not spotless. My children's schooling is not perfect. We don't participate in every activity we would like to. Our meals are not all fabulously nutritious made-from-scratch wonders. I work hard, my husband works hard, we're trying to train the children to work hard but they are young and it is a work in progress.

You and your husband need to sit down together sometime when you are not stressed and write down your priorities for your family, the things the must be accomplished, the things you would like to accomplish, and realistically assess how much time is required and how you are going to do what needs doing. Realistically means recognizing that a home will never run like a well-oiled factory--babies and small children are not part of the functioning of such factories. Milk will be spilled, someone will scrape a knee and need to be cleaned up and comforted, people will get sick, and unless you watch your toddler like a hawk every minute walls will get written on! There are things you can do to simplify--if you have decent weather and maybe a nice shady area when it is hot, children can play outside where normal childish messiness doesn't require constant cleaning. Toys may be limited to certain parts of the house, but recognize that young children will want to be and play near mother so banishing all toys to a basement playroom won't work (or will mean that they play with things that are not meant to be toys). Decluttering and simplifying, establishing a good daily rythm and routine--these things do help. Having peanut butter sandwiches for lunch every day (preferably eaten outside on the grass) won't kill anyone (well, unless they are allergic!) Schooling year-round so that each school day can be shorter works for some. Designating some rooms to keep clean and some that can be messier can take of a little pressure. Using paper plates for every meal is an option. If you have the funds, you can hire someone to come in once a week and clean the bathroom, mop the floors, etc. Basically, you're going to have to find some corners to cut, which specific ones will be determined by your family priorities and circumstances. I would not personally choose to cut corners by sending my children to school, because for me (and my husband) homeschooling is a high priority--but we have to cut somewhere, everyone does. I don't know your reasons for homeschooling and what alternate schooling options would look like for your family, so I can't advise you on whether that is something on which you should compromise--you and your husband will have to determine that.

I really doubt your husband knows what actually goes into caring for children all day, managing a home, and getting meals on the table--I don't think anyone can understand who has not tried their hand at it for an extended period of time. I'm also guessing you are like I was before I actually wrote everything out--you expect to be able to do more than there is actually time to do in a day. It sounds like you both have been trying to keep up with expectations that are impossible for a family with four young children at home--and you're both crashing. Take advantage of the crash as a wake-up call to re-examine your priorities as individuals, as a couple, as parents, and focus your energies on the top priorities--and understand that you will have to compromise on some lower priorities. The great thing is that by recognizing the need you get to thoughtfully and mindfully choose where to compromise and where to focus your energies, rather than running endlessly through a rat maze with no exit.

:grouphug: from someone who is right there in the trenches with you!

--Sarah

[justamouse]

Would you like me to come over and give him a talkin' to?

 

You ahve four kids under ten.

 

He needs to chill, and tell your in laws to back the hell off.

 

He helped make those kids, he has to help raise them and take care of them, even AFTER he's worked all day because YOU don't get time off either. When they get older, things are different, but at those ages it's you and him with the kids in the lifeboat and he's gotta help bail.

 

I had three babies in almost 1 year, with a three year old in the house. At one time I had five kids under five, and let me tell you, my Dh was *spoiled*. His mom waited on him hand and foot, never expected a thing out of him and ...you get the picture. I, used to make him go food shopping after he got home from starting our business and working 10/14 hours. Or I would go and he'd watch the kids (we had a 24 hour store), but there was NO WAY I was bringing 3 babies in the store to food shop.

 

His reality changed Very Quickly. Not so much in what he ended up doing--because working the way he was, he *couldn't* , he wasn't there to, but his new reality was that nothing was *spotless*. There were piles of laundry, dinner was sometimes eggs over and toast. There were baskets of diapers next to couches, and the floor didn't get vacuumed all the time. (no one came to help, no family was around, and we were too poor to hire help).

 

Things get better as they get older, but there needs to be some bending, and you're both supposed to serve eachother, not just you serving him.

 

Chin up! This is how you grow together! Without the lessons, how do we learn?

[RoundAbout]

I haven't read all of the responses but I agree with those who say that its just not possible to meet his standards. And I'm someone who *needs* clean and uncluttered spaces for my mental health - it helps me feel less anxious and more calm so I get where your DH is coming from. However I just don't see how there is enough time in the day to take care of 4 kids under 8, two with possible special needs, one of whom is an infant, plus homeschool, have dinner on the table by 5 and keep a perfect house. Just. Not. Possible.

 

I hesitate to offer any advice because I have only one easy child but here are some things that have helped me:

 

-Declutter big time. Toys are a great target. At a minimum you can box them up and rotate. Small toys like Lego stay in the bedroom as much as possible and I keep a small basket in the living room to catch strays. They get sorted and put back in child's room at the end of the night. Get rid of extra furniture, clothes, etc. If it doesn't have a spot, then we don't have room in the house.

 

-Put in a load of laundry first thing in the morning. Transfer it to dryer at lunch and fold and put away at 4 pm.

 

-Put school stuff away as soon as we are done. It's really easy for me to keep a stack of books on the table thinking we'll get back to it in the afternoon but 99% of the time we don't. Better to put it away and save for the next day.

 

-I clean bathrooms every single morning while I'm still in PJs. 5 minutes per shower door, 5 minutes for everything else (mirror wipe, swish toilet with brush, sink wipe, empty trash) x 2 bathrooms = 20 minutes per day but it keeps things from looking too grubby. If I know I'm having company later I lock the guest bathroom until they arrive so kid and DH don't mess it up.

 

-Utilize convenience foods and paper plates until you get on track. This doesn't have to be crazy expensive - a $5 rotisserie chicken and some frozen pizzas from Costco work wonders.

 

 

That's all I got.

[JFSinIL]

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

 

Those expectations are just not reasonable. That is just too much for one person to accomplish in one day.

 

I agree - would he like it if his boss at work expected him to do twice the amount of work in the same amount of time...and do it perfectly? Being a homeschooling parent is already a full-time job. Expecting you to achieve an immaculate house and meal ready by 5pm is doubling YOUR workload.

[Miss Marple]

Your oldest 2 are old enough to help maintain the home. Here's what I did when my boys were that age:

 

1. Purchase Lysol wipe cloths and require that the boys wipe down the toilet, sink, and counter-top in the bathroom each morning. You'd be surprised at how much cleaner it stays between full cleanings. It will take you a time or two to help them get the hang of it, but the time invested is very well repaid.

 

2. Kids can dust. Teach them how.

 

3. They can make their own beds. Teach them how.

 

4. They can fold towels and sort socks.

 

5. While you are preparing supper, have them entertain the babies and clean up any toys in the main living area. We always had a basket for toys and a basket for books. When dh comes home, supper will be on and the area he arrives in will be clean :)

 

6. They can clear the table from supper and push the chairs back into position as well as run a broom or sweeper over the kitchen/eating area.

 

If you have one who is persnickety, you can train him how to clean the windows. Get the streak-free stuff and a roll of paper towels or a microfiber cloth.

 

By the time my boys were ten, they were doing their own laundry. That's a goal you can work towards.

You have the summer to teach them some of these basic skills. These aren't something they will master overnight, but you can make your life so much better later by investing the time now. And when your dh sees you working towards these goals, perhaps he'll realize that life is a process...and never is everything done all at the same time :)

[2cents]

I won't comment on what I think about dh's plan to not help. Zipping my mouth.

 

But I have some cleaning suggestions-

I have embraced a zone cleaning kind of thing. I have a separate part of the house I focus on each day for about 20 min (I'm a speedy cleaner)and that is in addition to an overall tidy pickup in the am and once in the afternoon. I'm also a tyrant and make others pick up their own messes. I think getting on a schedule could really help you out as long as you stick to it. Flylady is a great site to get ideas from. For example, on Monday you can concentrate on the living room for 20 min. Do what you can for that amount of time then STOP. Clean as you go too. Make a habit of not walking through a room without picking up something or tidying something. Another hint-got this from a friend-do some wiping up with a nice smelling cleaning (Fabuloso is the best!). Dh will come in and get a whiff and think you super cleaned. Not sure why it works so well but it does! I can use that stuff and even I feel like the house is a lot cleaner. That stuff is magic!

[Farrar]

Clearly she should make her dh read this thread. Y'all told it like it is.

 

I just can't stand when someone puts you in charge of something but then doesn't let you decide anything, which is basically what this is. If the bills, the homeschooling, the housekeeping and so forth are hers, then fine, assuming he's managing other aspects of their lives... But then they're HERS to decide the manner of things, at least to some extent. He can't then go and give her a list. Then they're not her responsibility. They're his, he's just using her labor to get it done.

[jentancalann]

Ugh. This kind if situation raises one's blood pressure a little, huh.

 

Unrealistic and damaging to the relationship.

 

Too hot to say more.

[Lawana]

You know, I was thinking it would take at least 2 full time persons to do what you are expected to do, and even then, I doubt it would all get done.

My step daughter worked full time as a nanny/general help for a professional couple with three young children. They expected her to watch the children ages 2-6, pick up after them, fix them breakfast, lunch and snacks, keep the kitchen picked up, do the children's laundry, transport them to any scheduled playdates/activities, and have them bathed by the time the couple arrived home around 6:30p.m. Note what was not included: actual housework (they hired a maid to come weekly), grocery shopping, education of the children, cooking dinner. None were in diapers.

 

All this kept her busy. She had very little down time.

[YLVD]

Tell your husband that he should have married a housekeeper if he wants things spotless. I would have no patience with someone who wants a completely clean house everyday and is not willing to help out at all. What century are we living in?:confused:

 

:iagree:

 

I wouldn't date, much less marry, someone like that.

[YLVD]

It isn't a time management thing. The expectations are unrealistic with small children. Who has time to sweep the kitchen floor three times a day (plus after snacks?) with a toddle and an infant to watch? That is a dangerous thing.

 

Again, why every single day with the vacuuming? No one does that unless they have OCD and are childless.

 

Laundry for 6 people every day is also unrealistic. If that is what he wants he needs to see about retrofitting the house with fittings/electrical for two sets of washer/dryer. Otherwise it just isn't going to happen.

 

Again, you have 4 children. Toys happen. His expectations are unrealistic. He is expecting to live the life or a childless couple. That option left the table 7 years ago.

 

Exactly

 

The problem is with him, his expectations and controlling attitude about it. I'm really shocked that women would ever put up with something like this. I would probably laugh in his face if my husband said something like that to me, or expected that.