Homeschooling is just sooo hard...(sorry, very long vent)...encouragement needed

[mommytime]

I wonder if I can keep it up. How is it possible to do this and keep up on the dishes, laundry, and housework and stay sane??

 

My Dh was helping out a lot around the house as well as working, and I really appreciated it. He wants a spotless house...and even with his help...the kids can trash it in about 5 minutes. I feel a lot of pressure from him to keep it perfectly clean, though I don't think he means to make me feel pressured. He says it doesn't have to be "perfect"....but yeah, pretty much or close to it. He says it's a slippery slope if it gets messy. It is REALLY hard (nearly impossible) to get these kids to pick up after themselves. But Mom needs improvement, too. I WANT a clean house...but cleaning has got to be my least favorite activity. I feel like I'm constantly working without much to show for it. If I could just be a tornado cleaner like Dh, it would be fine. But he's the hare and I'm the s.l.o.w. tortoise.

 

We've always homeschooled, and we had always planned on it...but I really had no idea how much work it is. I guess it's harder because Ds7 hates schoolwork SO much. He really hates his phonics and language workbooks and doing his math worksheets. His attitude and drama is very draining. I think he might be ADD because he's so distractable, and DS5 might be aspergers. We'll be testing soon. Add to that my crazy two year old, and I'm :willy_nilly: They do much better with a strict routine, and once I add something, it's hard to change it. I just started memorizing poetry with them in the morning, and they work on copying it over the week and that's going really well. If I could do more copywork and less workbooks, maybe??

 

Anyway, this weekend Dh had had enough, and won't be helping inside the house at all anymore. He was super stressed to the breaking point. He'll do the outside and the garage and clean the cars for me, but everything else (cleaning, dishes, laundry, schooling, paying bills) is my responsibility.:scared: Though he has helped a tad bit here and there, and he does help with the kids. He really is a good husband.

 

So I feel like I'm drowning. I don't want to be depressed and bitter...I don't want to hate my life. I wanted to be the cheerful homeschooling mom who loved her kids and loved life...yadda yadda...the whole charlotte mason mom with her kids outside in their fabulously-close-to-nature backyard painting with dry brushes.

 

I'm writing this because I'm feeling a lot of pressure from the in-laws to put the oldest in ps. I'd have to keep hsing Ds5 since he probably could never cope in ps, at least not yet. Though I really don't know how Ds7 would do in ps...he's very social, talkative, hyper, and distractable. We wanted to homeschool for religious and academic reasons. The ps here is very poor and private school is out of our reach. They're saying that life would just be so much easier if I didn't hs. Why not get rid of any burdens I don't have to have?

 

I just want to know...do you veteran homeschoolers with four kids really have a handle on it all? Am I just a hs failure, or is this hard for you, too? How do you do it all? Truly, how clean are your houses? Do you cook three good meals a day??

 

Thanks so much if you read all this. Sorry for all my rambling. Please be gentle. I'm feeling pretty fragile right now...I just want to know if I should keep on with this or not. And I do know about flylady...I'm a flylady failure, too. :tongue_smilie:

[HiddenJewel]

The first thing I would do is make sure that it is actually his expectations and not just your interpretation of them. (I am queen of reading too much into expectations.)

 

You can't do it all. My dh does not help inside the house and I have no issue with that because it works for us. HOWEVER, if he was the one that insisted on a clean house I would have to flat out say that I could not do it with 4 dc under 8 years old. (Thankfully I have 2 teens that help me a ton. No way I could do it with all little ones.)

 

I did some training with a gal whose husband wanted a perfect house so they ended up putting the kids back in the classroom because she could not do it all. So I think he needs to make a choice. Does he want his children educated at home or does he want a perfect house? It is not fair for you to have the pressure of trying to do it all.

Edited April 27, 2012 by HiddenJewel

[KirstenH]

You have a baby! No one with a baby has a clean house unless they have help ... whether it's from DH, a generous family member, or a paid housekeeper. Add a few more kids to the mix and yes, it's a mess. I'm just digging my way out of it now, and my youngest is FOUR.

 

Maybe you can't afford private school, but can you afford a housekeeper to come a couple of times a month to do the deep cleaning?

 

I only have two kids, and I don't "do it all." The house is messy more often than not. Both DH and I do our part to try and stay on top of it, because we are a team, but we're also lazy and justifiably tired ... he commutes 70 miles away, and I homeschool our 2E kid while working from home. I'm a talented cook, but we eat a lot of takeout. When you've got a full plate, something has to give.

 

You need to be kinder to yourself and so does your DH. You're doing the hard work of raising four small kids. It's messy work! Forget the ideal Charlotte Mason moms you see on the blogs ... the piles of laundry and smashed Cheerios are just outside of the artfully cropped frames, I promise, and they don't post videos of their children's tantrums.

 

Don't compare yourself to any reality that's been put through Photoshop, and don't let your husband do it to you, either.

[joannqn]

So I think he needs to make a choice. Does he want his children educated at home or does he want a perfect house? It is not fair for you to have the pressure of trying to do it all.

 

:iagree:

 

You can't do it all, especially with little ones. Something has to give...or he could hire someone to come in daily before he gets home to clean.

[mommytime]

We had a whole lot of talking about it this weekend, and I'm shocked to find that it seems like he really does want the clean house more than anything. I'm trying to figure out exactly what his expectations are. Communication can be hard sometimes, but from what he has said I think that the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway).

 

It doesn't seem unreasonable...it's what I would like, too...I guess I'm just not a good housekeeper. Yikes. That list doesn't even include things like dusting or washing the windows occasionally. After a hard day of school I feel pretty drained, and it's hard to get a lot done in the afternoon, esp, if we're gone. He really wants to eat dinner by 5, which helps us get the kids to bed on time. But I often have a hard time getting it done by then.

 

Ack!! I need some serious time management skills. I certainly did NOT learn them from my mother. :banghead:!

[Gingerbread Mama]

but everything else (cleaning, dishes, laundry, schooling, paying bills) is my responsibility.:scared:

 

Well, I think you need a schedule. You also need to prioritize. Obviously, paying bills needs to be first on your list of priorities (not to DO first, but that if nothing ELSE gets done......this does, KWIM?) Also, couldn't HE do paying bills? That's not really a "clutter" issue, and what I'm reading is that he can't stand clutter. Am I wrong?

 

Otherwise:

 

Get a mail basket - DO NOT keep junk mail. Period. TOSS IT!!! Open bills immediately and write the due by date on the outside of the envelope. File them in order of date in your mail basket. Each week, take out what's due before the next week and pay it. You could do this whatever day you want to, just set a day and, if the bill is due before the next time that day rolls around, pay it.

 

Laundry - I have 3 kids and myself worth of clothes. DH travels for work and does his own on the road. I do laundry, mostly whenever our hamper is full, which typically works out to 2x per week. When I was working, I did laundry on Saturdays. No matter when you do it, have a system. I find an area where I can stack clean clothes...table, hearth, couch...and as I take a load out of the dryer, I fold it and group it by person. This makes putting it away soooo much easier. Also, don't do laundry "lazy". When you take a load out of the washer, put another load in to wash as the first load dries. When you pull the first load out of the dryer, put the load from the wash in to dry, reload the washer... You will find it gets done quickly this way (I usually have 8-10 loads of laundry a week and I don't spend much of my time on it this way.)

 

Cleaning - Have you tried doing a room or two a day? First, get your house dejunked and cleaned up. Then start a schedule - Mondays you do the kitchen and dining area, Tuesdays are for bathrooms, etc... OR if you have a day you don't school - do a top to bottom day once a week on that day. I prefer top to bottom, but that's just me. I hate housework LOL I do, however, clean the main living area daily. Sweep the kitchen, wipe the counters. Sweep the living/dining areas. Pick up (actually, I make the kids pick up) the clutter and put it away. The only things I have to add in on a top to bottom day is bathrooms and changing bed sheets. I try to have the eldest child sweep the bedrooms a time or two during the week.

 

I don't know how to help you on schooling. Sorry. I'm just too new to that. All I've got is find a schedule and stick with it. For us, right now, what is working is that after breakfast the kids go outside and work off energy while I clear away the table and get the school stuff set up. That may change by next year, when we have more lessons going on.

 

 

 

ETA: I just read your response. I think he needs a reality check. He wants you to school two kids, care for a baby, be able to take the kids places, take care of everything but the cars and the yard, and have supper on the table by 5. Does he think your name is Samantha Stevens? What time does he get home? If you've done inside housework and schooling, I think supper could be a joint effort. Or, you know, he can hit the drive through by himself ;) And the PP is right, there WILL BE messes. The difference, to me in a messy house and a clean one is whether or not those messes get cleaned up before bedtime. It looks like a hurricane hit our table during the school day, we clean it up before supper. The living room might be strewn with toys and blankets after supper, but we pick it up before we go to bed. And what is he doing when everyone is getting ready for bed? He and the 5 and 7 year olds could be picking up toys while you get the baby down.

Edited April 27, 2012 by Gingerbread Mama

[melissel]

Communication can be hard sometimes, but from what he has said I think that the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway).

 

:lol::lol::lol: I have two kids, 9 and 6, and that stuff doesn't get done everyday.

 

Yes, it is unreasonable to expect you to homeschool one child, take care of three very young children, AND keep the house clean to that level. I vote that you go away on a vacation for a week, leave him with the children and his expectations, and see how he does. Maybe he'll have a better perspective then.

 

Having that many small children is a full-time job. If you get to any of the rest of that stuff, it's gravy.

[Jeanne in MN]

Oh girlfriend, you are sooooooooooo not alone. I have stayed at home with my kids since they were born and I've struggled with keeping up with the house, cleaning, cooking, laundry and now schooling. I feel like homeschooling is a full time job and housekeeping is a full time job. How can you get both done, plus church activities, community activities, other family obligations, etc.???

 

My kids are now 14, 13 and 13-old enough to be able to help out around the house and yet I have to be a drill sargeant and it's a pain the butt. I can't stand working so hard on cleaning something and the next day you can't tell I did anything. What's the point?!

 

My dh hates it. He tries to help out, but really doesn't do a whole lot. Sometimes he gets fed up and gets in a bad temper. I don't blame him because I feel the same way a lot. But I also know he feels I could do a better job and that is really hard for me to deal with.

 

I dindn't note your kids' ages, but it sounds like you have four little ones. That's far harder to keep up with. And if you have a baby? They take up a considerable amount of one's time.

 

I wish I had a magic answer for you to make it all better, but even after hsing for 9 years, I don't have any answers. Just commiseration.

[Jpoy85]

I have 3 kids, 4 dogs and 2 cats + HS... i can tell you my house looks like a madhouse and i would NOT let you in. Its sad. The house work doesnt always get done and to me, thats OK. Id rather my children be educated than my house be on Good Housekeeping.

 

I would sit down with DH and go over WHY you want to HS and start keeping yourself accountable for something every day. Keep a journal, keep a blog..something to say " we did art today, but nothing else" or " we did every subject!". With the house, have the kids help, even little kids can help.

[Lily_Grace]

:grouphug:

 

Homeschooling/housekeeping is a balance. I found out recently that if I focus on my dh's "triggers" we all feel more restful. For him, he feels stressed if he walks in and the entryway and kitchen are dirty. He could care less about the laundry, beds made, etc. but the immediate sight when he walks in sets the mood.

 

*I* feel better when beds are made and the bathrooms are clean. I took inspiration from Flylady and make my bed as soon as I get up, the toddler's after nap, and the big kid takes care of his own with me checking. If I may share some tips that have worked in my house...

 

-put your cleaning supplies where you'll use them. I keep washrags in each bathroom and the kitchen. Every morning I can quickly scrub the toilet(30 seconds), wipe the sinks (1 minute), and shine the faucet handles. Every few days I'll do the mirror, too.

 

-get rid of 90% the kids' toys and organize the rest into baskets or open containers you can toss things in.

 

-don't nail jello to the tree. There's no point in me cleaning the entryway at 9am. I do it at 5pm, right before dh gets home.

 

-keep a basket for each big kid in the living room. As you go through the house you can drop stuff in it for them to put away as part of their evening routine.

 

 

I absolutely think that when your dh gets home the house should be lived in, but clean, yet at the same time I think that anything after he gets home should be considered 50/50. You both have full time jobs. If he wants you to shoulder ALL of the homeschooling and ALL of the housework, he should re-examine ALL of his expectations.

[thewaka]

but from what he has said I think that the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway).

 

If he wants all this done by 5 (when you said he wants supper ready), I think you will be unable to do it while homeschooling. Several of those things can be done (or continued) after supper (laundry, toy pick-up, vacuuming). Also, perhaps the floors that have to be toy-free shouldn't include the toy room. Limiting where they play with toys as well as how many or which ones can make pick-up much easier. We don't even buy toys and I can't believe sometimes how many we still have. I often consider which ones we can get rid of to help contain the mess.

 

I also don't understand why he would stop helping when even with his help, it wasn't all getting done. Was that supposed to improve anything?

[lailasmum]

Would it be possible for you to hire in help? A cleaner or older teenagerto do most of your cleaning. I think it is unrealistic for husbands to come home at 5 and expect a house to be sptless and dinner on the table. There just aren't enough hours in the day when you are home schooling and possibly out the house for chunks of the day.

 

I know a family who run a mothers help type business who will do any job from babysitting to cleaning to maintenance (the husband is a tradesman). Maybe there is something like that in your area.

[Skadi]

This may be an obvious question, but is he willing to hire a housekeeper? It would be a lot easier for you to maintain the house if someone comes to deep lean once per week.

 

Concerning toys, perhaps you should consider downsizing. It sounds like the kids have way too many. Bag or box up at least half of them, and then rotate them out a few times a year so they seem "new" to your kids.

 

Enforce a one toy per person limit. If a kid is playing with Legos, he cannot go get another toy to play with until he puts the Legos away first. If they don't listen to you and refuse to put things away, they lose whatever toys you have to pick up -- box it up and keep it for at least a month.

 

Schedule a cleaning time everyday where the kids have to help you clean. Put on some fun music, and give them very specific chores (you may want to make a chart). Your older kids should be on trash detail, make their own beds, tidy up their rooms. Ds7 is old enough to learn how to do laundry, and ds5 is old enough to load and unload the dishwasher. Get into a routine where they do the same chores everyday. If they whine, turn up the music.

[lewelma]

Have him pick 3 rooms that he wants you to prioritize to keep clean (his bedroom, the family room, and 1 bathroom, or whatever) and focus on that. (In my house that would be almost the whole house, but never mind. :D)

 

Ruth in NZ

[Mommyfaithe]

I love the line : " don't nail jello to a tree." :D:D

 

 

And :iagree:

 

With 4 small children...my advice is to minimize toys....bare minimum. I boxed my kids toys up and rotated them. It was fun for them....too many were overwhelming, and every few weeks, they had something new.

 

Take advantage of paper plates, cups etc. during the day.

 

Teach your 8 year old to vacuum. All of my boys LOVE vacuuming!! It is a search and destroy mission.

 

Get comforters instead of bedspreads....and show your kids how to spreadnit neatly on their bed.

 

Baskets!! Get some nice baskets....and at 4:30.....call CLEAN UP!!!!! Set the clock for 10 minutes.....and everyone throws everything into the baskets!

 

Plan your dinners. The crockpot is your friend. The rice cooker is your friend, Salad is your friend, Chicken already cut up is your friend. Make itbsimple....very simple.

 

 

Oh, I agree with the previous poster who suggested you go on a trip for a week. You are in this together with dh. If he has the demands, he should be ready to help you. Maybe he was just in a snit, or had a few bad days at work.....NOT trying to undermine your dh.....but we all act immature sometimes, especially when we are tired. Don't read too much into it.....

 

Yes dear, goes a long way....especially with a nice :D......AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can be very passive aggressive....:tongue_smilie:

 

Oh, be nice to you. You still have little kids. Set school time for 2 or 3 hours and when you are done....you are done. 3 hours is PLENTY for an 8 year old!!

 

I am sorry you are having a rough time. I think we all struggle with the role of mother, wife, homeschool teacher.....especially when our Moms did not act as examples.....

 

Faithe

[amy g.]

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

 

Those expectations are just not reasonable. That is just too much for one person to accomplish in one day.

[leeannpal]

:lol::lol::lol: I have two kids, 9 and 6, and that stuff doesn't get done everyday.

 

Yes, it is unreasonable to expect you to homeschool one child, take care of three very young children, AND keep the house clean to that level. I vote that you go away on a vacation for a week, leave him with the children and his expectations, and see how he does. Maybe he'll have a better perspective then.

 

Having that many small children is a full-time job. If you get to any of the rest of that stuff, it's gravy.

 

Tell your husband that he should have married a housekeeper if he wants things spotless. I would have no patience with someone who wants a completely clean house everyday and is not willing to help out at all. What century are we living in?:confused:

[delaney]

Tell your husband that he should have married a housekeeper if he wants things spotless. I would have no patience with someone who wants a completely clean house everyday and is not willing to help out at all. What century are we living in?:confused:

That. Seriously if my DH took that attitude with me we would be divorced. I will not be treated as hired freakin help. What does a clean house signify? Nothing. Is it just messy or dirty. I get not wanting it dirty but kids are kids and they make messes. It is his job to train them to clean up as well. If he can't pitch in then he would be left to cook his own food, clean his own clothes, and pay half of the bills. He needs priorities and it sounds like homeschooling is not one of them.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I love the line : " don't nail jello to a tree." :D:D

 

 

And :iagree:

 

With 4 small children...my advice is to minimize toys....bare minimum. I boxed my kids toys up and rotated them. It was fun for them....too many were overwhelming, and every few weeks, they had something new.

 

Take advantage of paper plates, cups etc. during the day.

 

Teach your 8 year old to vacuum. All of my boys LOVE vacuuming!! It is a search and destroy mission.

 

Get comforters instead of bedspreads....and show your kids how to spreadnit neatly on their bed.

 

Baskets!! Get some nice baskets....and at 4:30.....call CLEAN UP!!!!! Set the clock for 10 minutes.....and everyone throws everything into the baskets!

 

Plan your dinners. The crockpot is your friend. The rice cooker is your friend, Salad is your friend, Chicken already cut up is your friend. Make itbsimple....very simple......

 

 

.......

 

Yes dear, goes a long way....especially with a nice :D......AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can be very passive aggressive....:tongue_smilie:

 

Oh, be nice to you. You still have little kids. Set school time for 2 or 3 hours and when you are done....you are done. 3 hours is PLENTY for an 8 year old!!.....

 

.......

 

Faithe

:iagree: most of these I do. And it is much harder when they need your help for so much.

 

I would prioritize

1). Downsize( we have few clothes, few toys/bit&pieces)

2). Your two oldest can pick up and help. A lot! You should NOT have to pick up their clothes or toys.

3). Have a set cleanup time each day.

4) crockpot saves me daily

5). We stayed in when the kids were smaller. It's the only way we got things done.

[Donna]

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

 

Those expectations are just not reasonable. That is just too much for one person to accomplish in one day.

 

:iagree: :grouphug:

[Mom22ns]

It doesn't seem unreasonable...it's what I would like, too...I guess I'm just not a good housekeeper. Yikes. That list doesn't even include things like dusting or washing the windows occasionally. After a hard day of school I feel pretty drained, and it's hard to get a lot done in the afternoon, esp, if we're gone. He really wants to eat dinner by 5, which helps us get the kids to bed on time. But I often have a hard time getting it done by then.

 

Really, it does sound unreasonable. I don't think it is possible to do all that you have listed and homeschool your children. Maybe when the kids are older and can be more responsible, but not with a baby and little ones. I think you are going to have to figure out what you CAN do, talk again and see if it is enough. If not, figure out a solution together. That might be to stop homeschooling, it might be to hire help, it might be to lower his expectation. There are options, but you are not Wonderwoman, it just can't happen as he is asking.

 

:grouphug:

[snowbeltmom]

I agree with the other posters: his expectations are unrealistic. It is not possible to have a "spotless" house when you have four little kids home all day.

 

Can you leave your husband at home with the kids alone for an entire Saturday? Let him see first-hand how absolutley ridiculous his expectations are.

 

I don't remember which comedian said this (maybe Erma Bombeck), "Cleaning when you have kids is like shovelling during a blizzard." Your husband needs a reality check.

[Shannon in TN]

 

I did some training with a gal whose husband wanted a perfect house so they ended up putting the kids back in the classroom because she could not do it all. So I think he needs to make a choice. Does he want his children educated at home or does he want a perfect house? It is not fair for you to have the pressure of trying to do it all.

 

:iagree: and :grouphug: I've had this very same conversation with my dh and I have only 2 kids. It's hard, especially when all you want is to make him happy, right? "When momma ain't happy, no one is happy," applies to daddies, too.

 

Maybe one hear of ps is what you need to do. I know, I know, blasphemy and all that, but if that's what it takes to help you and dh find even footing, one year of school isn't going to ruin your ds. Maybe he'll have a great year, you can find a routine at home and get your kids another year older, and bring him home the next year to continue hs'ing. Maybe ds will have a terrible year, and you bring him back home and your dh will see the beauty of hs'ing again.

 

 

 

:lol::lol::lol: I have two kids, 9 and 6, and that stuff doesn't get done everyday.

 

Yes, it is unreasonable to expect you to homeschool one child, take care of three very young children, AND keep the house clean to that level. I vote that you go away on a vacation for a week, leave him with the children and his expectations, and see how he does. Maybe he'll have a better perspective then.

 

Having that many small children is a full-time job. If you get to any of the rest of that stuff, it's gravy.

 

My kids are this same age, and I am just now starting to get a routine down with keeping up the school and the house, although to be honest, I think I could do betting in the schooling department.

 

You've struggled with this for a long time (I remember other posts) and you've been getting some great suggestions here and in previous posts. I love the basket suggestion for loose toys, by the way. I think I'll be implementing that myself. I hope you're able to implement some of these ideas. I know it's hard to get the kids involved at that age (I struggled with mine, too) but now they earn an allowance by helping around the house.

 

And definitely consider a housekeeper. Even if she only comes once or twice a month, having the entire house cleaned to start with is a huge help.

 

:grouphug:

[freesia]

I agree with the other posters: his expectations are unrealistic. It is not possible to have a "spotless" house when you have four little kids home all day.

 

Can you leave your husband at home with the kids alone for an entire Saturday? Let him see first-hand how absolutley ridiculous his expectations are.

 

I don't remember which comedian said this (maybe Erma Bombeck), "Cleaning when you have kids is like shovelling during a blizzard." Your husband needs a reality check.

:iagree:

I think your post should be "Keeping the house spotless is so hard."

 

I have a good system, generally keep on top of things, but my house is only spotless when Dh takes the kids to his Mom's for 3 days. Within 5 minutes of them being back it is rumpled again. Blizzard (or mudslide) is an apt description.

 

Let's make sure we teach our boys to have more compassionate attitudes.

Edited April 27, 2012 by freesia
punctuation

[mudboots]

I have four kids ages 1 through 5 and a husband who wants everything clean. But not THAT clean - he just wants the kitchen clean, obvious clutter and floor messes cleaned up, and progress on laundry by the time he gets home. I do not cook every night, by any stretch. He doesn't help at all, except outside chores (we live on a farm) and bill paying. But... he pays for a housekeeper once a week. He knows that otherwise, I'll go stark raving mad trying to keep up.

 

And yes, the kids undo my work within 5 minutes. I can turn my back to get a cleaning project done, and they've made another mess that takes just as much time to clean up.

 

What I've started doing is setting them in front of the TV for an hour before DH arrives. (I know, it's awful, and I feel guilty.) That's the only way I've been able to focus on cleaning and actually get the house looking nice all at one time... and that's a very different level of "nice" than your husband is asking.

 

All that is to say that it's very unrealistic.

Edited April 27, 2012 by mudboots

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My response to something my dh "wants" has become like this, "Okay, Honey! If you want the house spotless everyday, that's great! What a wonderful idea! I can't wait to see how you are going to do that! Sounds like it's going to be hard work, but I know you can do it!"

 

I really, really get annoyed when people put expectations on other people. If you are truly saying that your husband thinks you can take care of four small children, cook, shop, do laundry, pay bills, homeschool and still have the house looking spotless everyday, then he needs a reality check. I only have 2 kids, and keep a pretty clean house, but it's never spotless. As others have said, 5 minutes after cleaning a room, the monsters can make it look like a cyclone has gone through. And, I have my craft room, which has become the dumping ground for everything else, so there's one room in my house that I never seem to get the chance to clean and organize, not that I don't want to! There are not enough hours in the day to do it all.

 

This is a season of your life. This season is going to be a lot messier than other seasons. Tell your hubby to get over his issues and just enjoy you and the kids while he has the opportunity. These years will go by quickly, then the two of you can sit around in your spotless house when your kids are all grown and gone. :D

[Word Nerd]

It makes no sense for him to have helped out "a lot" before, then decide that not helping at all is an acceptable solution. Why is it necessary to vacuum every day and sweep the kitchen mutiple times a day? How is that expectation reasonable? Does he know you hate your life?

[Rivka]

I don't even know how much school would help your situation. You'd still have a 2yo and a baby, and it sounds as if you anticipate that your older two are going to be diagnosed with special needs. If they're in school, you won't be able to be hands-off with their education - you'll have to do plenty of advocacy, possibly take them to therapies, etc.

 

Honestly, how bad is your house? Is it dirty? Or "normal" mess and clutter?

[JessReplanted]

Honestly, I would have to laugh at those kinds of expectations.

Having children at home = having mess.

 

As a homeschooling mom, school comes first here. I fit the housework in when I can. The kids have certain chores that they do in the morning to help out, and when my husband can lend a hand I appreciate it. When he's too busy to help, that's ok too though - but he can't expect the house to look like he's been helping when he hasn't. Does that make sense?

 

We live in the 'moderately messy'. The kitchen is cleaned every day and dishes are done. Laundry is always going. And we pick up the dining room table about 5x a day.

[nono]

I think you need to go away for the weekend and leave him with the kids and the house.* And, upon your return, enter with a clipboard and take notes of all the "issues" you see that don't meet "his" expectations.

 

And, if you were me, you might right a big fat F in red marker across the notes and hand it to him. :lol:

 

Now, if he does pull off a miracle, and the place is spotless, ask him to show you how he did it. Guys sometimes do have creative ways for dealing with things, that are outside the women's "have to do it this way."

 

 

*Oh, and return 2 hours before your expected arrival back home. :lol::lol:

[Mom0012]

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

 

Those expectations are just not reasonable. That is just too much for one person to accomplish in one day.

 

:iagree: I think your husband needs to acknowledge that you have a full time job as well between taking care of the kids, homeschooling, preparing meals, etc. If it is so important to him that the house be that clean, then he's going to have to keep pitching in.

 

Lisa

[elegantlion]

We had a whole lot of talking about it this weekend, and I'm shocked to find that it seems like he really does want the clean house more than anything. I'm trying to figure out exactly what his expectations are. Communication can be hard sometimes, but from what he has said I think that the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway).

 

It doesn't seem unreasonable...it's what I would like, too...I guess I'm just not a good housekeeper. Yikes. That list doesn't even include things like dusting or washing the windows occasionally. After a hard day of school I feel pretty drained, and it's hard to get a lot done in the afternoon, esp, if we're gone. He really wants to eat dinner by 5, which helps us get the kids to bed on time. But I often have a hard time getting it done by then.

 

Ack!! I need some serious time management skills. I certainly did NOT learn them from my mother. :banghead:!

 

Don't beat yourself up. Maybe you're not a good housekeeper, maybe you just live in your house. I so despise the idea that a man who is at work all day is able to dictate to a wife the level of clean he desires, then not lift a finger to help. Then it starts to degrade the self-esteem of the wife because she can't live up to his expectations. Does he provide janitorial service at his job WHILE he is working?

 

There are plenty of good habits people didn't learn from their parents. If you need to improve them, do so, but don't do it under the guise of I'm so awful, dh is so unfortunate to have such a lazy wife. JUST DON'T!

 

 

 

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

 

Those expectations are just not reasonable. That is just too much for one person to accomplish in one day.

 

:iagree: :iagree: Toddlers and babies don't get time limits and expectations. I only have one, but the stuff of baby season felt overwhelming at times. If he is setting expectations then he needs to be helpful in achieving them, parenting is the job of BOTH of the adults in the household.

 

Solutions?:

 

- If he wants dinner on the table at 5, he needs to be helpful in making that happen. Either caring for the kids or making dinner.

 

- If he wants a spotless house, then he needs to be willing to help or hire help. Homeschooling is a job, taking care of little ones is a job,

 

- put the kids in school and daycare, go get a job, and everyone will come home to clean house. You might be able to hire that maid to make sure it's white glove fresh when you arrive home. :tongue_smilie:

 

I do think we can all feel messy and cluttered at times. Baby time is ripe for that, but people LIVE in their homes, that means they look lived in from time to time. It's absurd to set expectations for someone else and then refuse to help in a home where YOU ALSO LIVE. If he wants spotless and no clutter, he could go live in an IKEA.

[LaxMom]

]I don't even know how much school would help your situation.[/b] You'd still have a 2yo and a baby' date=' and it sounds as if you anticipate that your older two are going to be diagnosed with special needs. If they're in school, you won't be able to be hands-off with their education - you'll have to do plenty of advocacy, possibly take them to therapies, etc.

 

Honestly, how bad [i']is[/i] your house? Is it dirty? Or "normal" mess and clutter?

That was my thought as well. Taking any special needs out of the equation for a moment, if the 7 y.o. is in school, where are the other 3? Daycare? And then you can trade a couple hours of every day preparing/schlepping/coming in from school, including packing up the other three for the car/bus stop run.

 

In our area, elementary kids don't get home until after 4. And they have homework, so you will still be fighting the worksheet battle, but during the dinner and bedtime prep hours.

 

I do think the expectations and logistics need to be reexamined, through reality goggles. The season of infants and small children in the house is not a high-efficiency one. It gets better, but everyone needs to let go of the static portrait of perfection and understand that this is one of many phases in life.

[mom2scouts]

I could not homeschool and meet your husband's expectations. If you have a baby and a toddler, I honestly think he's asking *way* too much. Is there a day he could stay home and watch to see what you do all day? Better yet, ask him to do your job for a day or two. That cured my dh of any unreasonable expectations! He gladly leaves the house for work. If a clean house is so important to your dh, he needs to help a LOT or he needs to pay for an occasional housekeeper.

 

Thank your husband for thinking that you are Superwoman and then ask him to read this thread.:tongue_smilie:

[Blueridge]

:grouphug: I don't have time this morning to read your replies, but I would recommend you spend a bit of time reading about 'baby steps' on the FlyLady website. They will organize housework into quick, manageable steps for you so you can get your children involved in a fun way. Slow and steady. One room at a time, and slowly teaching the kids to pick up and help you daily. No mom can or should do all the house alone, and it can be enjoyable if you all do things together. The crockpot is your friend for suppers. :) If you can get up before the kids do, get showered and ready and spend a bit of time getting prepared for the new day...bible reading while sipping coffee helps me. It may be time for summer break so you can evaluate your curriculum. Keep school simple until routines are established.

ETA: Some great tips here: http://hodgepodge.me/housekeeping-habits/

Edited April 27, 2012 by Blueridge

[Gentlemommy]

:grouphug:That does sound awfully stressful. I agree that perhaps your dh doesn't know what really goes on during the day...maybe leaving him with the kids for a day would help him see what happens. My dh didn't understand either, but lately I've been taking one night "off" per week. About 4-5 hours that he is in charge of the kids-including dinner, bath, and bedtime. The house is always a wreck when I get home. He now understands muuuuuuuch better. ;)

 

As for your list, those things get done on a daily basis here. Not because of dh's expectations,but because I like it clean and it stresses me out to have it messy. BUT, a lot of those things my dd's do. they are 7 and 4, and the baby is 18 months.

 

Kitchen-big girls take their own dishes to the sink, scrape off the food into the trash, and put their dish either in the sink or in the dw. I try to unload the dw first thing in the morning, fill it up during the day and run it at night. Then one uses that little vacuum under the table and the other wipes the table down. While they do that I put away food, wipe counters down, and rinse big pots/pans used for prep.

 

Bedrooms-girls make their own beds, pick up their own toys and clothes. They have a kid hamper, and know to put dirty clothes in there. We only have a few toys. My kids don't play with toys...they are wierd. :confused:

 

Dh makes our bed because I get up early to go for a walk.

 

I wipe the bathroom counters with a Clorox wipe in the morning when I brush my teeth. Takes 30 seconds. I wipe down the toilet after my morning pee with a Clorox wipe. Takes 30 seconds.

 

The girls help me clean bathrooms twice a week. They can use the little vacuum, the steam mop (I set it up for them), and they wipe down the counter. I am spraying/wiping the bathtub and shower.

 

Girls also dust the living room/school room/their room/my room while I vacuum those areas. Bedrooms get done once a week, and common areas every other day. It only takes me about 5-10 minutes to vacuum my living room or school room or a bedroom. Even the toddler gets a baby wipe to help.;)

 

Laundry gets done on a schedule-girls clothes 2x a week, adult clothes 2x - week, cloth diapers 3x a week, bedding 1x per week, and towels 1x per week. It's written on a schedule, so we all know what needs to be washed that day. My nemesis is folding lol. But when I do it, the girls put their own laundry away.

 

 

However, all that being said, my house is NEVER spotless!!! Right now, my sink is full of dishes, my DW needs to be unloaded, there are cowgirl boots on the floor, books on the counter, mail that needs to be sorted, ect. And I'm ignoring it so I can be on WTM lol. It's ok. It's ok to want a nice, clean, orderly house. And to know that it won't always be perfect. My dh absolutely WILL help if I ask, and his expectation for me is to keep the kids happy, healthy and well educated. Everything else is bonus.

 

 

 

Forgot to add- probably the single MOST helpful thing I've done in this regard is become chore buddies with a fellow HS mom. We text each other throughout the day as we do chores or get HS things done. Just knowing I'll be doing this really helps to motivate me.

Edited April 27, 2012 by Gentlemommy

[Twinmom]

I vividly remember the day that my dear, truly sweet husband complained that the house was messy and that we clearly couldn't handle everything that we (I) were supposed to handle. This with four adopted special needs kids under five, including a set of twins! I was sure that he was right...I wasn't a good housekeeper, etc, and the problem was mine. I wanted to just curl up and sleep off the hurt. DH is a sweet, supportive angel...really...but his expectations of cleanliness with young children were way off, as were my own. He'd never have wanted me to feel as bad as I did about his comments, but didn't realize the impact of his words nor have perspective to see that what we were going through was merely a season. A tough season, but it would pass.

 

Fast forward through the years of having littles to today, with older kiddos and a little practice in organization. I do have that nearly spotless house (at least by bedtime each day!) and dinner ready by 6:00 probably 5 nights a week or so, laundry done, a good system in place, etc. Homeschooling is going well...not perfectly, but we are doing great. Somehow, we have found a balance and ya know what? Come to find out, I was one of those irritatingly "born organized" type people just hiding under a pile of small children! Despite all that, I still need a housekeeping team to do the deep cleaning twice a month if I am going to homeschool. There has to be a balance! DH is happy with the house and dinners, etc., I am working hard but handling it. It is all about the seasons of life.

 

You are in a tough season. DH may not see it right now, but when you have littles, all bets are off for the house. Just do the best you can and reassure him (and yourself!) that it will get better with time. Because, truly, it will! Sure, do your best now, but just see this as your training ground for later. You can and likely will improve with time and with the growing maturity of your children. Ask your DH to cut you some slack and realize that you shouldn't miss this precious, messy season of your life worrying over the clean house that can come in a few more years.

 

:grouphug:

[merry gardens]

...the whole charlotte mason mom with her kids outside in their fabulously-close-to-nature backyard painting with dry brushes.

It stands out to me that you feel drawn to wanting to be outside with your children--and BONUS!!--when children are outside they can't mess up the inside of the house! (Maybe that's one reason Charlotte Mason advocated getting them outside. :))

[laundrycrisis]

Your problem is not homeschooling. It is your husband's ridiculous expectations. Those are his problem, not yours, and it is unethical of him to burden you with them. If he wants to live in a pristine dwelling, he should go move into a condo and visit when he wants to see you all. I would tell him to get real and back the stink off. If doesn't get it, I would drag him to a therapist to help him deal with his problem, but tell him the house won't be getting cleaner until these kids are a little older, because you are not a superhero, do not have magical powers, and refuse to live in misery under the pressure he is putting on you.

 

I cannot give advice on keeping a perfectly clean house because I do not have one and I will not torture myself by trying for one. But I can say that keeping up with dishes, laundry and garbage is easy for me because I do those three things around 6 am each day. When school is over for the day, around 3 pm, clean dry laundry is put away. I do not mess with these three things during the school day. As each kid gets up, the bed is made, so that is also pretty easy. Really I am not doing that bad here....but when the house is compared to a Better Homes spread, of course it looks terrible. But this is real life.

 

I clean bathrooms when I notice they are gross and have a minute to do one part of it. I do not clean an entire bathroom at once. I just take five minutes here and there to manage the worst part of a bathroom that gets my attention.

 

I do main story floors about twice per week, after 3 pm. The other floors don't get attention as often as I would like them to.

 

I try my best to do a "pick up, put away" session sometime on Friday so we don't go into the weekend with "carp" everywhere.

 

Those are the only things I have figured out. Today is a day when I wish I could sent the dogs to doggie daycare, and the kids to a one-day camp, and have one glorious day alone to clean the house. Not gonna happen. The only way I can get this place clean is to cancel school for the day, and I'm not going to, so it will stay mostly the way it is. I will get done what I can around school, but school comes first, and the adults who live in the house are mature enough to cope with real life and everything not being perfectly to our liking.

 

I so despise the idea that a man who is at work all day is able to dictate to a wife the level of clean he desires, then not lift a finger to help. Then it starts to degrade the self-esteem of the wife because she can't live up to his expectations. Does he provide janitorial service at his job WHILE he is working?

 

 

:iagree: No kidding !!!

Edited April 27, 2012 by laundrycrisis

[5 Hikers]

My dh has similar expectations. Out of 10 good friends, my house is cleaner than 8. That wasn't good enough for him though. He wanted it white glove test clean. I simply told him that wasnt possible for me. I cannot take care of 3 kids, cook, clean to that degree, homeschool and take online college classes. I asked him what his priorities were and try to focus on those. He wants the floor spotless. I like to make beds and I keep my kitchen spotless because that's a priority to me. I sweep right before he gets home and after the kids are in bed. I also mop every other night.

 

My kids do a lot of chores too. My 3yo empties the silverware from the clean dishwasher, she feeds the pets, she makes her bed, and she helps me fold laundry. My 7yo makes his bed, helps clean the rabbits cage, cleans up the toys out of the livingroom and schoolroom, wipes down the counters, and puts up the dishes too. My 11yo vacuums, cleans bathrooms,does dishes, can help cook meals, puts away his own laundry, keeps his room clean.

 

I agree with the idea to declutter. If you have too many toys get rid of a lot. I gave all mine a basket and that was all the toys they could keep. I have a couple sets of baskets from IKEA in different parts of the house.

 

 

I also had to honestly look at where I was spending all my time. Really I only sleep 5-6 hours so that leaves 18 hours that I'm awake. I was spending hours reading novels and also on the computer. If I make myself clean first, I still get time to do more relaxing things. Also, I can sneak on here after I give the boys an assignment. I get at least 10 minutes here and there.

 

Someone else mentioned FlyLady. One of her great ideas is to set the timer for 15 minutes and clean. Try that. It works.

[Lovthesurf]

I have absolutely nothing productive to add BUT I just wanted to ask could we possibly be married to e same man?? Mine is totally supportive of homeschooling but also expects to come home to a spotless house. I did have to tell him that was his expectation he would have to help. Hs full time job is out of the house, mine(educating) just happens to be in the home. If I had a paying job that happened to be out of the house I wouldn't be expected to try to do two things at once!

Oh and I also have a two yr old....it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep up all day!

 

Just wanted to give you some hugs and let you know you aren't the only one!

[Parrothead]

I wonder if I can keep it up. How is it possible to do this and keep up on the dishes, laundry, and housework and stay sane??

It is difficult. Much more difficult with small kids I think.

 

 

My Dh was helping out a lot around the house as well as working, and I really appreciated it. He wants a spotless house...and even with his help...the kids can trash it in about 5 minutes. I feel a lot of pressure from him to keep it perfectly clean, though I don't think he means to make me feel pressured. He says it doesn't have to be "perfect"....but yeah, pretty much or close to it. He says it's a slippery slope if it gets messy. It is REALLY hard (nearly impossible) to get these kids to pick up after themselves. But Mom needs improvement, too. I WANT a clean house...but cleaning has got to be my least favorite activity. I feel like I'm constantly working without much to show for it. If I could just be a tornado cleaner like Dh, it would be fine. But he's the hare and I'm the s.l.o.w. tortoise.

Confine the children to one room of the house. Maybe turn your living room into a play room or the basement or an attic room or put them all in the same bedroom for sleeping and give them the big bedroom for a play/schoolroom.

 

We've always homeschooled, and we had always planned on it...but I really had no idea how much work it is. I guess it's harder because Ds7 hates schoolwork SO much. He really hates his phonics and language workbooks and doing his math worksheets. His attitude and drama is very draining. I think he might be ADD because he's so distractable, and DS5 might be aspergers. We'll be testing soon. Add to that my crazy two year old, and I'm :willy_nilly: They do much better with a strict routine, and once I add something, it's hard to change it. I just started memorizing poetry with them in the morning, and they work on copying it over the week and that's going really well. If I could do more copywork and less workbooks, maybe??

Sounds like workbooks and worksheets are not going to be what your ds needs to learn. How about jumping jacks to memorize the math tables? FLL was great because it was mostly oral.

 

IMHO attitude and drama belong in the bedroom not the public rooms of the house. Maybe if you make and enforce a rule like that you won't have to deal with so much drama.

 

Anyway, this weekend Dh had had enough, and won't be helping inside the house at all anymore. He was super stressed to the breaking point. He'll do the outside and the garage and clean the cars for me, but everything else (cleaning, dishes, laundry, schooling, paying bills) is my responsibility.:scared: Though he has helped a tad bit here and there, and he does help with the kids. He really is a good husband.

All I can say is if this were me and mine, mine would be doing his own laundry and his own cooking every day. I've enough to do without attitude from a dh. He helped create the kids, he can help take care of their needs.

 

Sounds like it is time for a long discussion about reality.

So I feel like I'm drowning. I don't want to be depressed and bitter...I don't want to hate my life. I wanted to be the cheerful homeschooling mom who loved her kids and loved life...yadda yadda...the whole charlotte mason mom with her kids outside in their fabulously-close-to-nature backyard painting with dry brushes.

So, send them outside for most of the day. Formal school for kids the ages of yours shouldn't take more than an hour or two. Cover them with bug and sun screen and send them out to the back yard to count bugs. It will help keep the house clean.

 

I'm writing this because I'm feeling a lot of pressure from the in-laws to put the oldest in ps. I'd have to keep hsing Ds5 since he probably could never cope in ps, at least not yet. Though I really don't know how Ds7 would do in ps...he's very social, talkative, hyper, and distractable. We wanted to homeschool for religious and academic reasons. The ps here is very poor and private school is out of our reach. They're saying that life would just be so much easier if I didn't hs. Why not get rid of any burdens I don't have to have?

Because they are children not burdens. The inlaws can either help you out or shut up. Practice the phrase, "I'm sorry I won't discuss this with you anymore."

 

I just want to know...do you veteran homeschoolers with four kids really have a handle on it all? Am I just a hs failure, or is this hard for you, too? How do you do it all? Truly, how clean are your houses? Do you cook three good meals a day??

I have one kid and don't cook three good meal a day. Toss a muffin at them in the mornings. You know, from the big double batch of muffins you made on Saturday. While the muffins are baking make about 20 PB&J sandwiches to put in the freezer. Thaw them in the morning. A sandwich and an apple is great for lunch. Let them eat outside. They don't need a plate for any of that. Utilize your slow cooker.

 

Thanks so much if you read all this. Sorry for all my rambling. Please be gentle. I'm feeling pretty fragile right now...I just want to know if I should keep on with this or not. And I do know about flylady...I'm a flylady failure, too. :tongue_smilie:

:grouphug:

 

ETA: I almost forgot the most important part. Tell dh to put his money where is mouth is and hire a cleaning lady if he wants a spotless house.

[Parrothead]

We had a whole lot of talking about it this weekend, and I'm shocked to find that it seems like he really does want the clean house more than anything. I'm trying to figure out exactly what his expectations are. Communication can be hard sometimes, but from what he has said I think that the minimum he wants is this: dishes kept up, kitchen floor swept after each meal, downstairs vacuumed daily, laundry caught up and put away, beds made, toys and stuff picked up from every surface in the house (including downstairs, kids' rooms, toy room, our room, hallway).

 

It isn't a time management thing. The expectations are unrealistic with small children. Who has time to sweep the kitchen floor three times a day (plus after snacks?) with a toddle and an infant to watch? That is a dangerous thing.

 

Again, why every single day with the vacuuming? No one does that unless they have OCD and are childless.

 

Laundry for 6 people every day is also unrealistic. If that is what he wants he needs to see about retrofitting the house with fittings/electrical for two sets of washer/dryer. Otherwise it just isn't going to happen.

 

Again, you have 4 children. Toys happen. His expectations are unrealistic. He is expecting to live the life or a childless couple. That option left the table 7 years ago.

[Parrothead]

Tell your husband that he should have married a housekeeper if he wants things spotless. I would have no patience with someone who wants a completely clean house everyday and is not willing to help out at all. What century are we living in?:confused:

Amen!!

[Parrothead]

I think you need to go away for the weekend and leave him with the kids and the house.* And, upon your return, enter with a clipboard and take notes of all the "issues" you see that don't meet "his" expectations.

 

Don't forget the white glove on one hand for inspection purposes. :D

[Word Nerd]

I remember being caught up on laundry once (though of course you're never really caught up unless everyone is naked), and then someone had to clean up a spill a few minutes later.

[Mommyfaithe]

I am so glad my husband isn't picky about housekeeping. I am pretty sure we would be divorced by now otherwise. I just don't care all that much about having a perfectly clean house!

 

Mine decided to build his own rooms onto our house. It is kept the way he likes it. His own kitchen, bathroom, sitting room & office...lol. I know it sounds crazy....but it has saved us from many, many, arguments and unreasonable expectations. Kids can go in those rooms only when daddy is home....otherwise, off limits! It stays the way he left it....and he is happy with that. I don't complain about his space....he keeps his 2 cents to himself about my space. He does his own laundry, dishes cleaning etc ( although I will vacuum his part of the house because I am nice....and he never vacuums). He also has allergies to our cats....so no cats in daddy's space....lol

 

I know it sounds crazy....but maybe if he had some of his own ...no kid space...he would be happier.

[kitten18]

It isn't a time management thing. The expectations are unrealistic with small children. Who has time to sweep the kitchen floor three times a day (plus after snacks?) with a toddle and an infant to watch? That is a dangerous thing.

 

Again, why every single day with the vacuuming? No one does that unless they have OCD and are childless.

 

Laundry for 6 people every day is also unrealistic. If that is what he wants he needs to see about retrofitting the house with fittings/electrical for two sets of washer/dryer. Otherwise it just isn't going to happen.

 

Again, you have 4 children. Toys happen. His expectations are unrealistic. He is expecting to live the life or a childless couple. That option left the table 7 years ago.

I agree completely!!!

[CalicoKat]

I wonder if I can keep it up. How is it possible to do this and keep up on the dishes, laundry, and housework and stay sane??

 

My Dh was helping out a lot around the house as well as working, and I really appreciated it. He wants a spotless house...and even with his help...the kids can trash it in about 5 minutes. I feel a lot of pressure from him to keep it perfectly clean, though I don't think he means to make me feel pressured. He says it doesn't have to be "perfect"....but yeah, pretty much or close to it. He says it's a slippery slope if it gets messy. It is REALLY hard (nearly impossible) to get these kids to pick up after themselves. But Mom needs improvement, too. I WANT a clean house...but cleaning has got to be my least favorite activity. I feel like I'm constantly working without much to show for it. If I could just be a tornado cleaner like Dh, it would be fine. But he's the hare and I'm the s.l.o.w. tortoise.

 

We've always homeschooled, and we had always planned on it...but I really had no idea how much work it is. I guess it's harder because Ds7 hates schoolwork SO much. He really hates his phonics and language workbooks and doing his math worksheets. His attitude and drama is very draining. I think he might be ADD because he's so distractable, and DS5 might be aspergers. We'll be testing soon. Add to that my crazy two year old, and I'm :willy_nilly: They do much better with a strict routine, and once I add something, it's hard to change it. I just started memorizing poetry with them in the morning, and they work on copying it over the week and that's going really well. If I could do more copywork and less workbooks, maybe??

 

Anyway, this weekend Dh had had enough, and won't be helping inside the house at all anymore. He was super stressed to the breaking point. He'll do the outside and the garage and clean the cars for me, but everything else (cleaning, dishes, laundry, schooling, paying bills) is my responsibility.:scared: Though he has helped a tad bit here and there, and he does help with the kids. He really is a good husband.

 

So I feel like I'm drowning. I don't want to be depressed and bitter...I don't want to hate my life. I wanted to be the cheerful homeschooling mom who loved her kids and loved life...yadda yadda...the whole charlotte mason mom with her kids outside in their fabulously-close-to-nature backyard painting with dry brushes.

 

I'm writing this because I'm feeling a lot of pressure from the in-laws to put the oldest in ps. I'd have to keep hsing Ds5 since he probably could never cope in ps, at least not yet. Though I really don't know how Ds7 would do in ps...he's very social, talkative, hyper, and distractable. We wanted to homeschool for religious and academic reasons. The ps here is very poor and private school is out of our reach. They're saying that life would just be so much easier if I didn't hs. Why not get rid of any burdens I don't have to have?

 

I just want to know...do you veteran homeschoolers with four kids really have a handle on it all? Am I just a hs failure, or is this hard for you, too? How do you do it all? Truly, how clean are your houses? Do you cook three good meals a day??

 

Thanks so much if you read all this. Sorry for all my rambling. Please be gentle. I'm feeling pretty fragile right now...I just want to know if I should keep on with this or not. And I do know about flylady...I'm a flylady failure, too. :tongue_smilie:

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[mama2cntrykids]

Go mamas!! I agree with the responses given. HSing is a tough job to begin with and add in the expectation of a nearly spotless home...sheesh. I'm trying not to judge your dh, but man...

 

Really, I'd be asking him to help out with the things that are annoying to him. It's his home and his children just as much as yours. Yes, he has an out of the home job, but you have an *in* the home job (hsing).

 

Hugs to you hon. It sounds like a lot of pressure.