txmom23 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 DH would like for all lessons, chores (floors swept, laundry rebooted, dw empty) and dinner ready by 6 pm. I'm not getting it all done. Are you guys able to do this? J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagel270 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 No. Chores and cleaning are never ALL done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 No. That is unrealistic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandragood1 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Maybe, if y'all are early risers. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Some days, yes I can. Delegate things to kids. Start your day no later than 8 am. Stay away from the Hive. ;) Sweep after every meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJ. Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Does your dh help in those endeavors? I would not be able to do this as we also have an activity outside the house or an errand to run on most days. Dh understands this. If dh did have this expectation, and was not playing a large part in helping, I would invite him to take a month and have everything complete on a daily basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Are you guys able to do this? J :rofl::rofl::rofl: Um, no. However, since I like my dh I would be willing to compromise. I'd let him choose one (maybe two) day(s) a week where I would try very hard to make this happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I agree with a PP. Can he take a month off of work to stay home and do everything he expects you to have done by 6 PM? If he can accomplish that, I'd give some credence to his expectations. If not, then he needs to change those unrealistic expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAM Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I don't feel like "everything" is done by 6. But we do generally eat at 5:30 because the kids go to bed fairly early, and we are always done with lessons by lunch, whether we are "done" or not. Chores, again, I refuse to do them after dinner unless absolutely necessary. So all that stuff is "done" but not necessarily "done", if that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txmom23 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Share Posted March 27, 2012 I really want to try to do this. But, everyday I feel very defeated. No, DH can't help with any of this. He is at work. He his getting irritated with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Not with 5 kids and being late risers. If you are up early. Can you plan a quick clean up before he gets home? Can you put something in the crockpot every morning during breakfast? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 We do. I have only two children and they are younger, though. We get up 6am(me) to 7am(them), start school by 9, finish by 1:30, do chores in the afternoon. Kids help with chores and I meal plan to help dinner go smoother. We eat at 5pm almost daily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cara Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I've always told DH I can do one thing and one thing well, either he gets a spotless house or educated children. But I can't do both of those things and run my photography business. Of course he chose educated children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezrabean2005 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 DH would like for all lessons, chores (floors swept, laundry rebooted, dw empty) and dinner ready by 6 pm. I'm not getting it all done. Are you guys able to do this? J Do you think he'll be able to get all of that done by 6pm? :lol: No. And that is with my DH doing all the laundry (we fold) and a cafe to provide us with dinner. Chores are done after the kids go to bed or on the weekends. Lessons are done all year in the evenings and on weekends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I really want to try to do this. But, everyday I feel very defeated. No, DH can't help with any of this. He is at work. He his getting irritated with us. I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezrabean2005 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I really want to try to do this. But, everyday I feel very defeated. No, DH can't help with any of this. He is at work. He his getting irritated with us. That's not very fair to you. Who decided to homeschool? Was it you or both of you? This is a cost to homeschooling and a sacrifice we make. Who wouldn't love to have it all done by 6pm if it was possible? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 :smilielol5: Um, no.... Honestly, I do know some people who are able to operate this way. I stand in awe of them, truly. It takes a good amount of discipline and probably few to none in the way of outside activities, imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 He his getting irritated with us. Are you a servant, or a wife and mother? Why does he have these expectations anyway? Did he watch too many episodes of Leave It To Beaver? Sorry, I don't know you or your husband, but it seems petty of him to be irritated with you. How many kids do you have and what are their ages? Do you feel like you are accomplishing YOUR goals for the day? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you. Oh Barb, that is quoteworthy. Where's the rep when we need it??? Five stars for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Oh Barb, that is quoteworthy. Where's the rep when we need it??? Five stars for you! :blushing: I may have used it once or twice in the past. On my own darling husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissad2 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you. :iagree: In fact I would dare my dh to say anything about it! He never ever says anything to me about cleaning anything. The house and the kids are my domain and if it gets done great if not...well it will still be there tomorrow. In fact there is a giant pile of laundry sitting in the living room that unless he folds it, will not get done. Disclaimer...I'm 35 wks pregnant and cooking/cleaning/school are low on my list right now ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Running the race Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Well, we don't run the dishwasher until after dinner, so the dw certainly wouldn't be empty. Dinner is reasonable. School may or may not be done. We do most chores on weekends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I really want to try to do this. But, everyday I feel very defeated. No, DH can't help with any of this. He is at work. He his getting irritated with us. Frankly, I'd be getting irritated with him. Let him have a go at it and see how he does. You leave the house early on a Sat. morning and don't go home until 6. See if he has everything done.....including all the lessons. Then do the same thing Sun. Repeat each weekend until he gets it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Barring extenuating circumstances, yes, it's like that here. But my kids are little, maybe that helps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 In my house, when people make requests like that, they'd better be prepared to help make it happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 How many kids do you have? How many are you doing lessons with? This makes a huge difference. With my older son in school and only homeschooling the younger one, it is extremely easy to get everything done during the day. When I had both of them home, it was much much harder. The housework did not get done during the week and only sometimes got done on weekends. We do have a system for the dishes that works well and I always was able to get dinner on the table at a reasonable time, and lessons were done, but that's about it. And if you have more kids than two, that would make it even harder! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 DH would like for all lessons, chores (floors swept, laundry rebooted, dw empty) and dinner ready by 6 pm. I'm not getting it all done. Are you guys able to do this? J No and I'm only schooling one high schooler. Our oldest daughter is back home living with us and has been taking care of the laundry and evening dinner and dishes. She is a jewel to me right now. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you. :iagree::iagree::iagree: IF we are home all day (no errands, no school outings), IF we don't have a big school or home project going on, IF we are all well and IF no major household or school disasters occur, I can probably swing this several days a week. We are early risers and generally eat dinner early and kids go to be early. We rarely do structured schoolwork after lunch. But I almost always have laundry to fold or school prep or meal planning or budget/checkbook updating or some other quiet work waiting for me after the kids are in bed. Sometimes I do grocery shopping or other errands after they go to bed, especially in the warmer months when it is still light. Any serious housework happens during the daytime, but DH will always help if I ask him too. He is not at work on Saturday! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I really want to try to do this. But, everyday I feel very defeated. No, DH can't help with any of this. He is at work. He his getting irritated with us. If he's at work then why is he so irritated? I have one and we still aren't done by 6. I mean is housework ever really done? You have a family, I'd delegate some stuff to him if he's so irritated by it. He can do housework in his spare time. :D I've only had to remind dh a few times that while I may be at home during the day, I'm working. I can educate his child or keep our house clean. I can't do both well at the same time. He gets time off, I deserve some as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I agree with a PP. Can he take a month off of work to stay home and do everything he expects you to have done by 6 PM? If he can accomplish that, I'd give some credence to his expectations. If not, then he needs to change those unrealistic expectations. Exactly. I won't say what I would say if my dh did that :) He wouldn't like it that's for sure! I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you. :iagree: Ooo! Maybe you should ask for a paycheck then!? :tongue_smilie: In my house, when people make requests like that, they'd better be prepared to help make it happen. Exactly. I tell *EVERYONE* who comes to my house or is in my house that if you want to eat, you help. My kids (shoot even dh) are tired of hearing, if you can do it better than do it otherwise... :D Oooo this thread could go down hill quickly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 DH would like for all lessons, chores (floors swept, laundry rebooted, dw empty) and dinner ready by 6 pm. I'm not getting it all done. Are you guys able to do this? J OK, I get the general negative reaction to this BUT we really don't know anything at all here. I need more info, OP. :tongue_smilie: I mean, are you doing an overall decent job and he's being picky (in which case I ditto what everyone else said) or are you seriously struggling and need some tools to improve according to even your own standards (and we've all been there, so you could definitely get some help here). I doubt your DH is doing a white glove test, no? Right now I am operating this way. Right now, my house is spotless day in and day out because it is on the market. A mess is cleaned up as soon as it is made. School books are put away the second they are closed. This house is as close to perfect as it will ever be BUT I feel like the tennis ball girl, that person in a tennis match who rushes in every few seconds to pick up a stray ball. :lol: DH is a neatnik! I was whining about this tennis ball girl feeling and talking about how I can't wait to move so I can just ignore some stuff like usual. He was actually a bit sad by that. He has sooooo been enjoying the perfection here. It isn't going to last though. That's for darn sure. Because, frankly, I value my down time with a glass of iced tea and the internet/magazine/book/bubble bath more than I value a perfectly spotless house. Anyway, more info? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I have a 9yo, 6yo, and soon to be 4yo. We have a lot of pets too. I generally have everything by 6 although sometimes dinner is make your own sandwich or hot dogs. I get up at 7 throw in laundry and do bible study and check computer. Kids up and fed by 830. Then we feed pets and do chores. School about 9 to 1 or 2. Then we pick up and finish laundry, vac, dust etc. House is usually company ready by 3 or 4. We break and I make dinner at 5ish depending on our schedule. Maybe your DH is just wanting his evenings to be calm and have family time? I can see where he is coming from and I try to do that here so that we have optimal family time. How many kids do you have? Whats your schedule like? If you have a baby or a lot of littles that changes everything!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 DH would like for all lessons, chores (floors swept, laundry rebooted, dw empty) and dinner ready by 6 pm. I'm not getting it all done. Are you guys able to do this? J You've had great responses. I don't know your children's ages, but here are a few suggestions for you...For the sake of your husband, who seems to be having trouble understanding the real life demands of a homemaker/homeschooler...I would write down a page listing all schoolwork done by each child. I would assign a liberal time commitment for each of those assignments. Don't forget to include an hour each day for PE, rest and recharge time, inside or outside depending on weather, as well as snack breaks and lunch. I would, on a separate sheet, write weekly and daily house tasks, and the time needed for each of those. Add up the two lists to show him that they would take longer than a 24 hour day to finish. You might cut back on or change some of your children's curriculum. You can have the children doing simple house things like sweeping and folding laundry. That will help a lot when they are older. You need to be kind but firm to your Dh and let him know that you love him and want the very best for him, yourself, and your children, and that you need his support. If all else fails, he can call my Dh and I am quite sure he would see the light and beg your forgiveness. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 DH would like for all lessons, chores (floors swept, laundry rebooted, dw empty) and dinner ready by 6 pm. I'm not getting it all done. Are you guys able to do this? J I really want to try to do this. But, everyday I feel very defeated. No, DH can't help with any of this. He is at work. He his getting irritated with us. I understand your position that you really want to to what your dh is asking. That's how our marriage is, too; if one of us has a reasonable request of the other, we strive to fulfill it. But I think we're all trying to understand if you view his request as 'reasonable' or not. Your op says that your dh would like lessons, chores, and dinner done by 6pm. Then for the chores, you list: floors swept, laundry rebooted, dishwasher empty. Are those just *examples* of the chores he wants done, or are those the exact things he'd like done by 6pm? For example, most days I could do that. But I'm not sure what 'laundry rebooted' means. Does that mean he wants the laundry kept up, but that you are to be done working on the laundry for the day by 6pm? I run laundry throughout the day, but usually save the folding/putting away for the evenings. If it were important to dh that I try to be done with it by 6pm, I could probably do that. Also, what do you do with your dinner dishes if the dishwasher is to be empty at 6pm? Do you mean that your dh would like the breakfast and lunch dishes cleaned and put away before dinner, so that you can load your dinner pots/pans/dishes into an empty dishwasher and then run it after dinner? That seems reasonable to me, too. I could probably do that most days as well. But honestly, it doesn't matter if *I* could do that. What matters is if YOU can. I have just the two boys home with me all week. And we're not really 'lots of outside activities/lots of running around' sorts of people. How many kids do you have? Can they help with the chores, or are the still littles? This all matters. Try to talk with your dh at a time when neither of you is feeling upset about this. Explain the difficulties you're having, and try to understand just what is important to him and WHY. Try to work out an agreement that you are both comfortable with. I know my dh works a long day many days. When he comes home, he'd rather there wasn't dirty dishes all over the kitchen/dining room, that the living room was picked up, etc. I do my best, and he doesn't complain. The fact that your dh is getting irritated means to me that there is either a lack of communication between the two of you, or his expectations are just unrealistic. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaBond Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 No matter what I do chores and cleaning are never really ever done no matter what. I have tried so many things from waking early to assigning chores...and we just don't seem to get it all done. I aim for lessons done by 3 or 4 and dinner done by 6. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 No, I don't. I do things through out the day. I do things in the afternoon and evening. The kids have chores at different times, too. If all you did was keep home then yes, you could do that. Your dh is being very unrealistic. I do understand though. My dh sometimes gets annoyed that I am still going while he is relaxing or playing. I just tell him if I stopped doing all this you'd all notice real quick. Let me be and do things the way I am able, or hire someone. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinD Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 My husband is lucky if there's a supper ready some days! :) If you are homeschooling children and keeping up the house, then you are working two full time jobs at once. I guess what I am gently (I stink at tact) trying to say is that since you each have a primary full-time job, the housework should be two part-time jobs. He shouldn't get to just come home at 6 and rest on his laurels in a clean, tidy house while you have worn yourself to a frazzle. Especially not if he expects you to have energy for *tea*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 My dh is home from work at 6, and he usually cooks dinner. I am sure he would love for dinner to be ready to serve as he walks in, but that isn't a reality in our current schedule of events. We both do cleaning projects on the weekends, so only daily dishes and laundry chores, maybe a bathroom touch-up or maybe a quick vacuum during weekdays . I think we have a great system that developed while we both worked full time. He really supports the education of children and understand that is a full time job in itself. I think the most important thing is that we often discuss it and make sure we are listening to the priorities of each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I guess it depends on the definition. I mean, do you have to sweep the floors every day? :001_huh: Because ours doesn't get done nearly that often. :lol: On a daily basis, I do laundry and the dishes (plus homeschooling, obviously). I clean everything about once every week or two. One day I might do the floors. One day I might do the bathrooms. Etc... In that case, 6pm doesn't sound unreasonable - I personally don't have any desire to be cleaning after 6, anyway. I do the dishes after dinner, however. And the laundry sometimes doesn't get put away until the evenings. But that's because I like having spare time in the afternoons to relax...if I wanted to, I could probably do everything by 6. I guess we're just not that picky here. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txmom23 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Share Posted March 27, 2012 Thanks for all great responses! We have three kids 15, 11, and 8. We all do chores. We rotate dishwasher emptied, floors vac/swept, trash taken out and laundry washed, dried and sorted into 5 baskets. DH wants calm relaxed evenings with nothing to do. He and I would like to retire to the bedroom at 9. It hasn't been happening because we aren't getting up early enough and getting every thing done. Several months ago, we all sat down and made a schedule for each person. For this to work everyone needs to be well and focused. If one thing goes wrong, the whole day is thrown off. DD 15 still needs me for math, but otherwise she's on her own. The other two kids need me for almost everything. I feel like I'm a slave to the clock. I push and push. I remind. I hurry up. I don't mind that he has the expectation. And I don't know if it's reasonable. We've hs'ed for 7 years. The house is "lived in". Right now, I need to get the roast in the oven and load the dishwasher and do the laundry. School books are still out. DS 8 has swept. He will miss judo today because we weren't finished by 330. I think we can be done by 6 today, but our day wasn't enjoyable at all. I feel like crying. I nagged all day. Bleh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shannon in TN Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hey, OP, I've BTDT, got the t-shirt with my hubby. We still go round and round sometimes, but I still do what I can to finish by dinner what needs doing - even if it's dinner of the next day :D I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you. Love this! My husband is lucky if there's a supper ready some days! :) If you are homeschooling children and keeping up the house, then you are working two full time jobs at once. I guess what I am gently (I stink at tact) trying to say is that since you each have a primary full-time job, the housework should be two part-time jobs. He shouldn't get to just come home at 6 and rest on his laurels in a clean, tidy house while you have worn yourself to a frazzle. Especially not if he expects you to have energy for *tea*. :lol::lol::lol: so true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I do think it COULD be done, especially if you relied heavily on crock pot meals and had family living near by who helped out (and whom you enjoyed being around!). But, I think something would have to be sacrificed. I guess it is a matter of priorities within the family. Maybe he would like a clean spot to go to when he gets home. Or, maybe he would like a tidy looking area when he walks in the door. I know just seeing mess in the house affects me in ways I can hardly describe and I am definitely not a neatnik. It was this realization that prompted me to be sure I clean the kitchen each night before bed; the next day I feel so much better when I wake up to a tidy kitchen. I would try to focus on one or two areas for DH's sake. Striving to have dinner done could be a start and hopefully he will appreciate the effort. The reality for us is that being home all day creates much more mess around the house than we would have if the kids were off at school all day, each day. We are invariably involved in hands on projects which tend to take up space and can look messy. Also, we take a lot of time to enjoy and appreciate our surroundings, be it observing the deer browsing on our strawberries or cuddling with the cats. Maybe if we were very disciplined we would have chores done and meals ready by a set time, but I think we would miss out on many other experiences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 DH wants calm relaxed evenings with nothing to do. Well, here you go. This is the problem. In a nutshell. I don't know of anyone who has kids living at home who has calm, relaxed evenings with nothing to do. There is the unrealistic expectation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Thanks for all great responses! We have three kids 15, 11, and 8. We all do chores. We rotate dishwasher emptied, floors vac/swept, trash taken out and laundry washed, dried and sorted into 5 baskets. DH wants calm relaxed evenings with nothing to do. He and I would like to retire to the bedroom at 9. It hasn't been happening because we aren't getting up early enough and getting every thing done. Several months ago, we all sat down and made a schedule for each person. For this to work everyone needs to be well and focused. If one thing goes wrong, the whole day is thrown off. DD 15 still needs me for math, but otherwise she's on her own. The other two kids need me for almost everything. I feel like I'm a slave to the clock. I push and push. I remind. I hurry up. I don't mind that he has the expectation. And I don't know if it's reasonable. We've hs'ed for 7 years. The house is "lived in". Right now, I need to get the roast in the oven and load the dishwasher and do the laundry. School books are still out. DS 8 has swept. He will miss judo today because we weren't finished by 330. I think we can be done by 6 today, but our day wasn't enjoyable at all. I feel like crying. I nagged all day. Bleh! Can you give us an idea of your schedule because I think its totally doable with your kiddos being older and 1 pretty independent. They can do a lot. Maybe what you need is a week off to declutter the house and clean it. If you all pitch in you could get it done in a few days. Pitch all the clutter. Then set a cleaning schedule and chore list. Next add in your school schedule. Then make a meal plan and utilize your crockpot and make some freezer meals. Also I try to take a few hours on sat or sun to prep all the food for the week (chop veggies, make taco meat, thaw whatever you need, etc.) I think that it is not an unreasonable request as long as he is not looking for perfection and that this is attainable most days but not all days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Maybe he would like a clean spot to go to when he gets home. Or, maybe he would like a tidy looking area when he walks in the door. I would try to focus on one or two areas for DH's sake. :iagree: I just remembered a conversation I had with DH years ago. For some reason, we were discussing cleaning and I said something about everything else could go to a mess but the kitchen and bathrooms needed to be clean. He said that if he had to choose two rooms, he would choose the living room and our bedroom. I realized exactly what Trilliums said. He wanted the places he spent the most time in to be clean and stress free. I cook in the kitchen though, so that MUST be clean. And the bathrooms, for Heaven's sake. I have two boys! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Odd man out. Yes, we're finished by then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Thanks for all great responses! We have three kids 15, 11, and 8. We all do chores. We rotate dishwasher emptied, floors vac/swept, trash taken out and laundry washed, dried and sorted into 5 baskets. DH wants calm relaxed evenings with nothing to do. He and I would like to retire to the bedroom at 9. It hasn't been happening because we aren't getting up early enough and getting every thing done. Several months ago, we all sat down and made a schedule for each person. For this to work everyone needs to be well and focused. If one thing goes wrong, the whole day is thrown off. DD 15 still needs me for math, but otherwise she's on her own. The other two kids need me for almost everything. I feel like I'm a slave to the clock. I push and push. I remind. I hurry up. I don't mind that he has the expectation. And I don't know if it's reasonable. We've hs'ed for 7 years. The house is "lived in". Right now, I need to get the roast in the oven and load the dishwasher and do the laundry. School books are still out. DS 8 has swept. He will miss judo today because we weren't finished by 330. I think we can be done by 6 today, but our day wasn't enjoyable at all. I feel like crying. I nagged all day. Bleh! I agree that he is being unreasonable but also, that he doesn't understand. When the kids were small (under 8) we could finish the school day by noon, play, stop at 4 and clean everything up. Then they would all go in front of the TV and I would start dinner and finish any other cleaning. I did this for me and it happened most days. However, as the kids have aged, and I am now schooling 3, the days have gotten longer. Schooling 3 school aged kids is a full time job (and I used to teach in school so I know this!) Fitting housework in between everything is possible as a "goal" but not realistic as an everyday expectation. However, we grew into this stage and it was a bit of an epiphany for me when I realized it. Could you discuss it in these terms with him? What would he expect if you were working outside the house? If he still would expect you to do all the housework (and I know men who would) then you do have a problem. For comparison sake, my dh does all the grocery shopping, cooks twice a week, folds laundry and washed dishes daily until the children were old enough. We see the housework as a group effort that every member of the family participates in. We all have "outside" jobs. I am not sharing this to make you feel worse but to encourage you to have a discussion where you help him see that you have a teaching job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 If he still would expect you to do all the housework (and I know men who would) then you do have a problem. I know some who do, too. Crazy. If we both have jobs we both share childcare and housework equally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Well, here you go. This is the problem. In a nutshell. I don't know of anyone who has kids living at home who has calm, relaxed evenings with nothing to do. There is the unrealistic expectation. Not necessarily. :confused: Actually, I don't think that's unrealistic at all. We're all home maybe 2-3 evenings a week, but on the nights that we're home, we don't have anything to do. I'm not running people around doing stuff all evening. I guess I just don't see what else we would be doing?? Once dinner is done and the dishes are loaded into the dishwasher, and one boy has cleaned their room and the other has cleaned the table and picked up toys in the living room, we don't really have any set plans for anything. I guess I always just assumed that was normal, with varying numbers of nights at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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