k2bdeutmeyer Posted March 1, 2012 Author Share Posted March 1, 2012 I find this rather common. People act atrociously and then act offended if you steer clear of them. Or only act nice when other people are around. Just more proof it is all about THEM. Amen! You know.....the emotional blow from my "friend" is getting easier. The realization that I now feel left out is getting stronger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Why is this passive-aggressive or sinful? The truth hurts sometimes. This is all truth. Take out the greeting and signature, and I think this is something Nut Job needs to hear. I would send all three letters Nut Job and include a cover letter. Explain in the CL that you didn't know which to send so you sent all three to clearly convey your feelings to her All three letters are excellent. nanceXtoo's is just a little too nice. Mostly because as I was putting myself in Kristen's shoes, my heart in the letter was to say something nicely biting and undercutting. If it were a real letter from me, I wouldn't actually give a rip about friend's stress. That's the sinful part. However, Kristen seems like a much nicer person than I am and probably would mean what was written. It's all in the heart motivation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 We must add Shannon831 to the Don't poke the Hive conflict management letter writing service. :D Plus add Chris in VA as well! Both letters are great! I sense a future "advice" WTM column with Shannon831 and Chris in VA soon coming... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that! When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off. So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all. I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture. I agree, I would never ever ever touch her money. Quite frankly, I would let her know in no uncertain terms that your friendship is over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I'd consider taking her money and donating it to cancer research. Just sayin'....:001_smile: And it sounds like you handled the interaction with class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 As a new friend who wishes her the best, I feel I should accompany her when she comes for these things, and should imbibe of them as a show of support! That's what firends are for, to be supportive...yes? :D LOL Sure! Come on! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I would LOVE to!!! :) My house is tiny and messy, but I'm a good cook and I have a pool! :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Plus add Chris in VA as well! Both letters are great! I sense a future "advice" WTM column with Shannon831 and Chris in VA soon coming... ;) LOL Wouldn't that be great?? "Dear Hive...." :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Kristin, you are a class act! Brava! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Kristin, you are a class act! Brava! :iagree::iagree: Amen! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Dear So and So, I have been pondering our last conversation for some time now, and here's what I've come up with. You wanted me to take some pictures of your sdd and her mom, and said you'd pay me for them. I did so, and then you said you did not want to pay for them, but still wanted them. Further, you told me you thought I should just give them to you so that you could present them as a gift. You used the reasoning that your sdd would like to have them, and that I should give them for free because her mother has cancer. On top of that, you said you did not like the pictures, yet still thought I should give them to you at no cost. During the course of this conversation, you told me, in terms I felt were harsh and inappropriate, that the primary reason you had for friending me in the first place was because you felt you could fix me/help me/instruct me. You went on to share, in a way I found venomous, that you find me irresponsible, unorganized, self-absorbed (yet unable or unwilling to take care of my appearance according to your standards), and unreasonable WRT my parental expectations of my children. Now I ask you-- How do you think all the above has made me feel? Let me tell you, so that we are quite clear. I find your expectation that I donate the photos to be unreasonable, manipulative and rather stunning. Had you come to me at first with the request for such a donation, I probably would have been both happy and honored to do so. You choose to enter into a business agreement with me, then decided not to pay, and THEN tried to guilty me into giving you something for free. I have to wonder why you do not see this as trying to take advantage of ME. I also find the way you vented your frustration/disappointment in our friendship and in my personal failings to be both mean-spirited and unusually unkind. Again, I am rather stunned and, honestly, distraught over the idea that I was some sort of project to you. I certainly have things to work on. I have been quite humble and truthful in my conversations with you regarding my personal failings. But I did think there was a mutuality in our friendship, and it pains me to hear how you "really feel." It's not that "the truth hurts;" I can bear the truth. What I find difficult to bear is the utterly mean way you shared your perceptions. You tore down every part of my life, from the way I handle my children to the way I handle my hair. I cannot let myself be treated this way and call it friendship. Enclosed please find an invoice for the CD/photos, as per our agreement, discount included. I like this note. I would also think seriously about forwarding it to the group of ladies you both have breakfast with, so that they are getting both sides of the story, I am sure she will share her version of events...I think it would be fair for them to see what happened. And then cut ties with her, she is not a friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 k2bdeutmeyer: She told me that after I had my hair done I looked more confident and happy, but now I'm "back to slicking my hair back and not giving a crap". You know, I listened wth a totally open mind to your entire story - until I got to this. THIS is just not where a friend goes. She's criticizing your APPEARANCE, not stating factually something you may have done to hurt her. I'd say you are done here. Hopefully, I'm wrong, but in my experience, once it goes there, it doesn't go back. In fact, once a friendship becomes judgmental -even without gratuitious attacks like this - it does not recover. I'm dumbfounded and so hurt right now. Part of me wants to give her the CD. Not to make her happy, but because I truly believe it probably WOULD be the right thing to do, but I know it won't be received the way I would intend. I have no other local friends. I don't know if I can ever be friends with her again without feeling like she scrutinizing everything I do and say. I'm so, so, so hurt. I'm sorry. I'd probably mail it to her, tell her she's welcome to it and look for some new friends. Looking for new friends myself, so I'd be your friend if you were near! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegularMom Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Coming in very late to say I agree with Chris in VA's note. Hugs to you. I've had a similar experience in the past with someone I thought was a friend, but it turned out she was more of a sociopath. Or maybe a narcissist? Either way, it was a horrible experience. It still hurts a little, thinking about her. Mostly I just pray for her children now. If you haven't done so already, google "toxic friends". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East Coast Sue Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I just wanted to tell you that I was hurt by a friend who I thought truly cared about me. Turns out she didn't care and she was quite rude to me. It hurt A LOT. I will always carry some pain and you might too, but please try to find a way to move beyond this hurtful person. Whatever you do with the CD, be good to yourself and give yourself an opportunity to have friends and be valued by a friend- just not that lady! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Well, that's just the bizarro icing on the icky cake of weirdness. She unloads her verbal vomit on you, then expects you to just behave as though nothing was said? I find this rather common. People act atrociously and then act offended if you steer clear of them. Or only act nice when other people are around. Just more proof it is all about THEM. In my experience (unfortunately), it is usually guilt that makes them act as if nothing happened. They know they were in the wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 From my experience a former portrait studio owner....Unless my business model is set up so I do 'volunteer' work for the dying, I'm going to charge for my time, energy, creativity, materials, and vision. It's what my business is set up to do--make a profit. If I volunteer or give away my work, it should be my choice and my choice alone. I did a sweet old man's portrait many years ago. In his home, sitting in a lovely leather chair with a table next to it. On the table was an old fashioned lamp, and his pipe. The man read (aloud!) from his Bible while I worked with my lights and camera. Much of his family had gathered to celebrate his life and they knelt or stood out of camera range, but within hearing of the old man. It was a great photo session--one of my all time favorites. The man died less than two weeks later--as his family expected. They cried tears of joy when they saw the photos...and happily wrote a check for all they ordered. And...one other story...I'm sitting on my couch writing this...bald headed from chemotherapy to treat bre*st cancer. There are husky guys installing a heating and AC system in the house today. Our friend owns the company. Should they be doing all that for free? (sigh, yes it would be nice, but not real.) We are delighted to be blessing our friend's business. Just because the OP's business is more artsy doesn't make it less of a business. She shouldn't be guilted or forced into giving away her talent, time, and energy for free. :iagree::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Oh Peggy! :crying: I'm so so sorry. :( I wish you were closer to me so that I could give you a big hug and then take you roller skating to all 80's music. :grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss honey. :( Thanks, sweetie. I'm ok. I come from tough stock - my grandmother. :) I just can't fathom someone being so hateful like they were to the OP. I can't understand why some people think them being in pain means its ok to inflict in on others. She was trying to do such a lovely thing and this woman used it as an excuse to be a bully. And good for you, OP, the way you reacted to her today. Don't give her the satisfaction. Shake the dust off your feet and keep going. Her loss. Not yours. and more :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 First off, I have to say that I have not read all 14 pages of this post. I just read your original post. May I ask....are you a native Iowan? Have you lived in Iowa long? Because, in my experience, this is exactly how women in Iowa act. Homeschooling women. Truly, this is an Iowan thing. I don't know why...because I'm not a native Iowan and I don't want to be. They are nasty, nasty women to other women who are not of the generational Iowan linage. I've seen it over and over; I've seen families move far away because of it, sadly. And, the smaller the town; the worse the women. And, they are not this way to each other. If you are from Iowa, have family in Iowa, especially family that goes waaayyyy back, you are good. Otherwise, you are always considered an alien. Oh, they are very surface-friendly, but that is as far as it goes, and it usually ends badly...just like it did for you. Are you stuck in Iowa? I'm so sorry for you. BTDT, GTTS. Don't talk to her again for any reason. Ever. Keep the CD and move on. And remember this is typical Iowa behavior. Sorry if I offended any native Iowans on this board. Chances are, you don't even realize that this is what the collective 'you' does to newbies in the state. However, those of us that move in are certainly well aware of it. I'm sorry you have had such a bad experience with Iowa. I'm a temporary transplant now in my second Iowa town. The people, other homeschool moms in particular, have been lovely. I know what you speak of. The small town I moved to as a kid (KS) was absolutely horrible to move to. Newbies are treated badly. It isn't an Iowa thing in particular. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 BTW--your "friend's" response when you ran into her is more confirmation (in my book) of the fact that she's a bad egg. People that dump crap and then act as though nothing happened are either confirmed narcissists (the conversation didn't hurt her, and you don't matter, so there is no reason for her to behave differently), confirmed manipulators (it's useful to keep you off-balance, wondering if you misunderstood or over-reacted), or hopelessly immature (likes spouting off; doesn't like consequences). :iagree: I want to add that this "friend" has major boundary issues. Asking for freebies and dictating pricing is far into your boundaries. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture. If she does, don't you dare refuse the money. That is not taking the higher ground. That is not being the bigger person. TAKE the money for the WORK you did, thank her politely and BRIEFLY and continue to treat her that way whenever you are obliged to meet. Bland smiles and checking your watch as though you are trying to pretend you don't really have more important things to do.;) You are entitled to that money. You worked for it. If she pulls out enough manners to offer it, you should take it because to refuse the it is to agree that YOU and your work aren't worth it. That is a bad message to put across, especially because she accused you of being a door mat. Refusing the money is putting yourself under her boots and wiggling so they wipe on you. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetIrony Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Just finished reading the whole thread. I am shocked that anyone would say those things to you and treat you so poorly. I think it was a good choice to send the CD to the girl. I can't decide whether I think sending a letter (or three!) would be good. If you think she's going to keep pretending nothing happened, you'll have to either send a letter or explain to her in person that you don't need anyone so cruel and judgmental in your life. I hope you can find some true friends near you! If not, clearly you have many virtual friends right here. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 If she does, don't you dare refuse the money. That is not taking the higher ground. That is not being the bigger person. TAKE the money for the WORK you did, thank her politely and BRIEFLY and continue to treat her that way whenever you are obliged to meet. Bland smiles and checking your watch as though you are trying to pretend you don't really have more important things to do.;) You are entitled to that money. You worked for it. If she pulls out enough manners to offer it, you should take it because to refuse the it is to agree that YOU and your work aren't worth it. That is a bad message to put across, especially because she accused you of being a door mat. Refusing the money is putting yourself under her boots and wiggling so they wipe on you. Rosie :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 If she does, don't you dare refuse the money. That is not taking the higher ground. That is not being the bigger person. TAKE the money for the WORK you did, thank her politely and BRIEFLY and continue to treat her that way whenever you are obliged to meet. Bland smiles and checking your watch as though you are trying to pretend you don't really have more important things to do.;) You are entitled to that money. You worked for it. If she pulls out enough manners to offer it, you should take it because to refuse the it is to agree that YOU and your work aren't worth it. That is a bad message to put across, especially because she accused you of being a door mat. Refusing the money is putting yourself under her boots and wiggling so they wipe on you. Rosie :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 BTW--your "friend's" response when you ran into her is more confirmation (in my book) of the fact that she's a bad egg. People that dump crap and then act as though nothing happened are either confirmed narcissists (the conversation didn't hurt her, and you don't matter, so there is no reason for her to behave differently), confirmed manipulators (it's useful to keep you off-balance, wondering if you misunderstood or over-reacted), or hopelessly immature (likes spouting off; doesn't like consequences). :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: I don't think I'd bother sending her a letter. She's not worth your time, and you don't want to give her an opening to either try to be your friend again (because you know she'll say you totally misunderstood her good intentions when she said the things she said to you :rolleyes) or else she'll just get angry again and call you to yell at you and say all kinds of mean things to you again. You handled the situation with her very well today, and I'd leave it at that. She's not worth the trouble it takes to send her a letter, and in her eyes, it will only translate into believing that you think she's such an important person that you were obligated to contact her. She is BAD NEWS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 I'm sitting on my couch writing this...bald headed from chemotherapy to treat bre*st cancer. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Praying for your complete recovery, Happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Thanks, sweetie. I'm ok. I come from tough stock - my grandmother. :) I just can't fathom someone being so hateful like they were to the OP. I can't understand why some people think them being in pain means its ok to inflict in on others. She was trying to do such a lovely thing and this woman used it as an excuse to be a bully. And good for you, OP, the way you reacted to her today. Don't give her the satisfaction. Shake the dust off your feet and keep going. Her loss. Not yours. and more :grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug: I agree 100% with everything you said. It completely mystifies me how some people can behave so badly. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 If she does, don't you dare refuse the money. That is not taking the higher ground. That is not being the bigger person. TAKE the money for the WORK you did, thank her politely and BRIEFLY and continue to treat her that way whenever you are obliged to meet. Bland smiles and checking your watch as though you are trying to pretend you don't really have more important things to do.;) You are entitled to that money. You worked for it. If she pulls out enough manners to offer it, you should take it because to refuse the it is to agree that YOU and your work aren't worth it. That is a bad message to put across, especially because she accused you of being a door mat. Refusing the money is putting yourself under her boots and wiggling so they wipe on you. Rosie :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 LOL Come on down! :) Well, first I have to get back to my house (I'm still up here in GA visiting my mom), but then yeah, Cuban food all around!! All are welcome. Nothing like some good home cooked Cuban food and coffee and desserts to make you feel good. :p Ibby, if you need a stopping place halfway home (I'm in central FL), I would be thrilled to have some Cuban food! I haven't had really good Cuban since I left Miami. :tongue_smilie: Kristin - first, :grouphug:. Second, I think you handled running into "friend" beautifully. Third, I agree with Rosie. If she offers to pay you, let her, but don't let it alter your plan for future interactions with her. Also, I would probably still go to the breakfasts and if there is any uncomfortableness just calmly and politely explain the conflict to the other ladies. But I like to be difficult that way. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funschooler5 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that! When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off. So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all. I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture. :grouphug: I think you handled this perfectly. If she does, don't you dare refuse the money. That is not taking the higher ground. That is not being the bigger person. TAKE the money for the WORK you did, thank her politely and BRIEFLY and continue to treat her that way whenever you are obliged to meet. Bland smiles and checking your watch as though you are trying to pretend you don't really have more important things to do.;) You are entitled to that money. You worked for it. If she pulls out enough manners to offer it, you should take it because to refuse the it is to agree that YOU and your work aren't worth it. That is a bad message to put across, especially because she accused you of being a door mat. Refusing the money is putting yourself under her boots and wiggling so they wipe on you. Rosie :iagree::iagree: You deserve the money! And she needs to learn that she can't just walk all over somebody to get what she wants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Praying for your complete recovery, Happy. Thank you! It's an adventure, for sure. I'm very thankful I'm done homeschooling my young'uns...and that I still can hang out with the Hive. Y'all are great company and entertainment on days when I can't do much but sit on the couch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 In my experience (unfortunately), it is usually guilt that makes them act as if nothing happened. They know they were in the wrong. Actually, there are plenty of people out there with no guilt at all. If it is a hassle to them, bark, bark, bark, bark, but if it is a hassle to everyone else, such is life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Ibby, if you need a stopping place halfway home (I'm in central FL), I would be thrilled to have some Cuban food! I haven't had really good Cuban since I left Miami. :tongue_smilie: LOL I would be more inclined to stop and cook for you if it weren't a 14 hour drive back home. Maybe next time I go up to Disney I'll let you know and see if we can do something. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 LOL I would be more inclined to stop and cook for you if it weren't a 14 hour drive back home. Maybe next time I go up to Disney I'll let you know and see if we can do something. :) Yeah, I can understand that. I would try to bribe you with an overnight break, but I only have two fold out sofas to offer. And dh, ds, and the dog all snore. :glare: But, hey, we're only an hour or so from Disney! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Yeah, I can understand that. I would try to bribe you with an overnight break, but I only have two fold out sofas to offer. And dh, ds, and the dog all snore. :glare: But, hey, we're only an hour or so from Disney! LOL Next time I go up. :) My kids are both Autistic so we come with our own bag of fun too! :p hehehehe I have to replace the vertical blinds in the room my kids are sleeping in because my son is literally tearing them down one by one. :001_huh: We're going to wait until we leave to fix it though so he won't break up the new ones. Edited March 2, 2012 by Ibbygirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I agree with taking the money. You did the work. You earned it. I would consider getting rid of the files just so you could be done with the whole thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 I think I just feel like if I take her money it becomes her good deed again. It becomes a way for her to feel like she won me over.....she convinced me. I sent the CD for my own conscious.....because I felt it was the right thing to do for "Molly". I want "friend" to have nothing to do with that. I didn't do it to make a point or because I felt guilty. I feel like accepting money would be affirming those things, which aren't true. I really just want this all over & behind me. Giving the CD to "Molly" made ME feel good, so I did it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetIrony Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I was just listening to this song and thinking of your evil "friend": Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 I was just listening to this song and thinking of your evil "friend": Oh my goodness!! I smiled so much....thank you. I have a new "theme song" lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I think I just feel like if I take her money it becomes her good deed again. It becomes a way for her to feel like she won me over.....she convinced me. I sent the CD for my own conscious.....because I felt it was the right thing to do for "Molly". I want "friend" to have nothing to do with that. I didn't do it to make a point or because I felt guilty. I feel like accepting money would be affirming those things, which aren't true. I really just want this all over & behind me. Giving the CD to "Molly" made ME feel good, so I did it. I would feel the same way you do, and I wouldn't want a penny from her. I didn't see your first post, but I've read most of this one. I can't even say much of what I think without cursing, so I'll just say that :iagree: with everything everyone has said, except that I agree with you about the money. I couldn't accept it at this point, and I wouldn't, and if I did get a check from her, I'd probably spit on it and mail it back. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. It's just not right :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I get it. If you gave the disc to "Molly", can your "friend" than get the pictures from her so you no longer have to deal with her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 :) My house is tiny and messy, but I'm a good cook and I have a pool! :pWell, I should hope it's messy! Who in their right mind has a clean house AND homeschools?! :001_huh: I'd feel right at home! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Well, I should hope it's messy! Who in their right mind has a clean house AND homeschools?! :001_huh: I'd feel right at home! :D hehehehehe I know right. Every homeschooler I know has a messy house. It's part of the package. I also live less than 2 miles from the beach. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I don't agree with returning the money if she gives it to you. You say that would make it "her" good deed, but it was her idea in the first place, so it was her good deed at least partly. You would not have done the photo shoot had she not asked you to. The issue you have with her is her disrespect of you, not who gets ownership of the "good deed." I would not follow up with her at all, whether she pays you or not. Given what I've heard about her attitudes so far, to do so would make her feel like you are still desperate to be her friend, or in her good graces. It could also be interpreted as meaning that you weren't worth the money. In short, if you are trying to make a "statement" by returning the money, your meaning will likely be lost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 If she does, don't you dare refuse the money. That is not taking the higher ground. That is not being the bigger person. TAKE the money for the WORK you did, thank her politely and BRIEFLY and continue to treat her that way whenever you are obliged to meet. Bland smiles and checking your watch as though you are trying to pretend you don't really have more important things to do.;) You are entitled to that money. You worked for it. If she pulls out enough manners to offer it, you should take it because to refuse the it is to agree that YOU and your work aren't worth it. That is a bad message to put across, especially because she accused you of being a door mat. Refusing the money is putting yourself under her boots and wiggling so they wipe on you. Rosie :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Well, I should hope it's messy! Who in their right mind has a clean house AND homeschools?! :001_huh: I'd feel right at home! :D :lol::lol::lol: I used to homeschool AND have a clean house so I know it CAN be done. I jist dont remember how right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 :lol::lol::lol: I used to homeschool AND have a clean house so I know it CAN be done. I jist dont remember how right now. LOL I don't know how either. I try, God knows I try, but my son..... nuff said. :p Sorry for the thread hijack Kris. :blushing: I know at the end of the day you've got to do what you feel comfortable doing, but I agree about taking the money if she offers it to you. Didn't she want them for free? If she offers you money don't you think it would come with a guilt trip with the hopes (on her end) that you will tell her not to pay?? It's just playing into her hand (again just my opinion). :grouphug::grouphug: It just sucks so bad this position she has put you into. There's just no pleasant way out of it, but I think you handled your encounter with her today brilliantly. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I would be running the opposite direction from this person. The older I am and more involved my life is, I just don't have room for people like that. If I can't trust my friend with my weaknesses, my dirty hair, my dirty house, and not have it thrown back in my face...I don't have room, time, or energy for that person in my life. I offer that acceptance and support to my friends, and I expect and deserve it in return. You deserve better. Write it off and walk away.:grouphug: ETA, it's up to you if you want to send a letter to clarify your feelings for your own sake. Don't expect it to make any difference to someone like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debbie in OR Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Well, that's just the bizarro icing on the icky cake of weirdness. Oh my word...that is funny! I have been so annoyed for you all day...i mean, really? That's how she wants to roll? Sheesh. And although I have nothing else to add as you have gotten excellent counsel and encouragement here, I just want to join with everyone else in conveying how sad I am that this happened to you...you are not alone :) Edited March 2, 2012 by Debbie in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I know at the end of the day you've got to do what you feel comfortable doing, but I agree about taking the money if she offers it to you. Didn't she want them for free? If she offers you money don't you think it would come with a guilt trip with the hopes (on her end) that you will tell her not to pay?? It's just playing into her hand (again just my opinion). :grouphug::grouphug: It just sucks so bad this position she has put you into. :iagree: And there's no need to make it comfortable for her to be jerkful to you! Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 :iagree: And there's no need to make it comfortable for her to be jerkful to you! Rosie Absolutely!! :iagree::iagree: LOL Rosie, you always say everything so succinctly. :D I wish I had your talent with words. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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