amydavis Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Oh, honey! :grouphug::grouphug: Losing a friend hurts so much. ...losing one who turns out not to be the person you thought she was is so much worse. You lose the friend, and the history of your friendship... the memories themselves are tainted. My advice: 1) Make no decisions now. Set aside the CD (a padded envelope in a box on a high shelf in a closet, perhaps), and postpone that decision. There is no urgency, no reason it couldn't be dealt with next week or next month instead of this, right? Don't email her, or call her; set her aside as well. 2) Allow yourself to grieve. The loss of a really close friendship is a mini-death - don't discount the intensity of your emotions. 3) When you are through the worst of the grief, and can think a little more clearly, write a letter to her, talk through all your feelings, analyze the relationship (if that is your style), let it all out - the grief, the anger, the self-doubt, the love you had for her. ...and then burn it, or tear it up, or put it in a sealed envelope packed well away. 'Cause it wasn't really for *her*, it was for the person you thought she was. ...but you have to let go of her, she was an illusion. ...a beautiful one, but ephemeral. 4) Then revisit the issue of the photos/CDs. Don't worry about 'letting her win', her character development isn't your problem... G-d will handle that! Figure out what you need to do to feel right with yourself. ...what is your goal? If any of it turns out to be about making a point to *her* then set it all aside for a while longer. It isn't about her. If you decide you want Molly and/or her bio-Mom to have some or all of these photos, then you have logistical options, as others have pointed out. If you do decide to send them to her, and let her deal with passing them on, you do not need to include a note, or any kind of explanation... you could include a card for Molly or her bio-Mom, but you don't have to engage with this lady. ...but, please, consider setting it aside for a little while, until you can think clearly. I know I cannot make rational decisions when I am grieving... :grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through this... you deserve a friend who values how wonderful you are, and loves you for yourself, imperfections and all! :iagree: Well said, especially the part about mourning the loss of a friend, as well as the memories, which are now tainted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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