Jump to content

Menu

Update on my friend situation


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 306
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I don't know the whole situation but from your post - she doesn't sound like a good friend. She sounds extremely judgemental. I've had a friend who sounds a lot like her. Those type of people aren't good to be around ... they are like poison (at least for me). I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What this person did was very wrong. Severing the relationship is wise; she's not your friend. But if I were in this situation, I would have to get the photographs to Molly or her mom quickly even if I didn't get paid for my own healing. You've gotten entangled in the painful circumstances for Molly and her biological mom without your intent or consent, but I'm not sure I could put this situation out of my mind if I kept or destroyed the photographs. The photos will be a lasting treasure to Molly and will bring some happiness to a woman who is dying.

 

ETA: If you give the photos to Molly and her mom, you will have ended this ugly situation with an act of generosity and kindness that will be remembered a very long time, an act of a gracious, strong woman.

Edited by emzhengjiu
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wanna hear my passive-aggressive version of a response letter? I'm about to let my sin nature shine.

 

Dear Terrible Friend,

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know that the situation with Molly and her mom has added a lot of stress, but I had no idea it had reached this level. I was stunned when you listed out all of the things you were unhappy with me about, but when you got to my hair, I knew that this wasn't really about me. Honey, healthy people don't keep a list of wrongs the way you are. I am really worried that you are not processing what is going on in your life in a healthy way. I hope that this situation can be a wake up call to you that you need some help working through this bitterness.

 

I really wish I could be that friend to walk with you through this difficult time, but clearly that can't be my role. Perhaps professional counseling would be the right choice for you. I just want you to know that I am for you. I want to see you heal and become whole again, even from afar. I have enclosed the cd as a peace offering, because it's clearly important to you, and I don't want to add to whatever financial stress that may have brought this on.

 

Best wishes,

a friend that is clearly too good for you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:iagree::iagree: Every home school mom's house I've ever been in (including my own) is messy. It's just a season in life. Kids are more important than clutter and when they fly the roost there will be plenty of time to keep a neat and tidy house (at least that's what I keep telling myself. :tongue_smilie: ) hehe

 

:iagree:

 

What a nasty, low down woman. She is the one missing out on a good friend. I am sorry you are dealing with this nonsense. I have had it happen to me. Seems like some "mean girls" never grow up.

 

:grouphug:

Faithe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wanna hear my passive-aggressive version of a response letter? I'm about to let my sin nature shine.

 

Dear Terrible Friend,

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know that the situation with Molly and her mom has added a lot of stress, but I had no idea it had reached this level. I was stunned when you listed out all of the things you were unhappy with me about, but when you got to my hair, I knew that this wasn't really about me. Honey, healthy people don't keep a list of wrongs the way you are. I am really worried that you are not processing what is going on in your life in a healthy way. I hope that this situation can be a wake up call to you that you need some help working through this bitterness.

 

I really wish I could be that friend to walk with you through this difficult time, but clearly that can't be my role. Perhaps professional counseling would be the right choice for you. I just want you to know that I am for you. I want to see you heal and become whole again, even from afar. I have enclosed the cd as a peace offering, because it's clearly important to you, and I don't want to add to whatever financial stress that may have brought this on.

 

Best wishes,

a friend that is clearly too good for you

 

I'd be tempted to send that too...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wanna hear my passive-aggressive version of a response letter? I'm about to let my sin nature shine.

 

Dear Terrible Friend,

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know that the situation with Molly and her mom has added a lot of stress, but I had no idea it had reached this level. I was stunned when you listed out all of the things you were unhappy with me about, but when you got to my hair, I knew that this wasn't really about me. Honey, healthy people don't keep a list of wrongs the way you are. I am really worried that you are not processing what is going on in your life in a healthy way. I hope that this situation can be a wake up call to you that you need some help working through this bitterness.

 

I really wish I could be that friend to walk with you through this difficult time, but clearly that can't be my role. Perhaps professional counseling would be the right choice for you. I just want you to know that I am for you. I want to see you heal and become whole again, even from afar. I have enclosed the cd as a peace offering, because it's clearly important to you, and I don't want to add to whatever financial stress that may have brought this on.

 

Best wishes,

a friend that is clearly too good for you

 

LOL Awesome!! :thumbup: hehehe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:iagree:

 

What a nasty, low down woman. She is the one missing out on a good friend. I am sorry you are dealing with this nonsense. I have had it happen to me. Seems like some "mean girls" never grow up.

 

:grouphug:

Faithe

 

:iagree: So true!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shannon - LOVE that letter. That is exactly the attitude that needs to be thrown back at people who don't know how to deal with their emotions in a healthy adult way.

 

Seriously, this interaction of hers reminds me of a little kid. All a big mind game and a ploy.

 

Kid 1 - give me your toy, it's awesome

Kid 2 - I'll exchange with you

Kid 1 - No, give me that toy. And by the way, you're stupid

Kid 2 - Let's trade

Kid 1 - No. And you're ugly too. What's wrong with you?

Kid 1 - And by the way, your friends are dumb.

Kid 1 - Forget it, your toy is boring and I don't want it. (while secretly hoping kid 2 drops the toy and having an internal tantrum)

 

I'm guessing most people here wouldn't tolerate an exchange like this from their kids and it's 20X worse playing this type of game as an adult. Hoping the OP is enjoying a venti at starbucks forgetting about Nut Job #2.

Edited by kck
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Dear So and So,

 

I have been pondering our last conversation for some time now, and here's what I've come up with.

 

You wanted me to take some pictures of your sdd and her mom, and said you'd pay me for them. I did so, and then you said you did not want to pay for them, but still wanted them. Further, you told me you thought I should just give them to you so that you could present them as a gift. You used the reasoning that your sdd would like to have them, and that I should give them for free because her mother has cancer. On top of that, you said you did not like the pictures, yet still thought I should give them to you at no cost.

 

During the course of this conversation, you told me, in terms I felt were harsh and inappropriate, that the primary reason you had for friending me in the first place was because you felt you could fix me/help me/instruct me. You went on to share, in a way I found venomous, that you find me irresponsible, unorganized, self-absorbed (yet unable or unwilling to take care of my appearance according to your standards), and unreasonable WRT my parental expectations of my children.

 

Now I ask you--

 

How do you think all the above has made me feel?

 

Let me tell you, so that we are quite clear.

 

I find your expectation that I donate the photos to be unreasonable, manipulative and rather stunning. Had you come to me at first with the request for such a donation, I probably would have been both happy and honored to do so. You choose to enter into a business agreement with me, then decided not to pay, and THEN tried to guilty me into giving you something for free. I have to wonder why you do not see this as trying to take advantage of ME.

 

I also find the way you vented your frustration/disappointment in our friendship and in my personal failings to be both mean-spirited and unusually unkind. Again, I am rather stunned and, honestly, distraught over the idea that I was some sort of project to you. I certainly have things to work on. I have been quite humble and truthful in my conversations with you regarding my personal failings. But I did think there was a mutuality in our friendship, and it pains me to hear how you "really feel." It's not that "the truth hurts;" I can bear the truth. What I find difficult to bear is the utterly mean way you shared your perceptions. You tore down every part of my life, from the way I handle my children to the way I handle my hair.

The above truly makes me wonder who is the one who really needs to work on themself. [\color]

 

I cannot let myself be treated this way and call it friendship.

 

Enclosed please find an invoice for the CD/photos, as per our agreement, discount included.

 

EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT!!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!

 

I truly hope you send this letter off.

 

I also hope you will include my highlighted sentence, not to rub things in her facem, but to bring light to her appalling behavior.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wanna hear my passive-aggressive version of a response letter? I'm about to let my sin nature shine.

 

Dear Terrible Friend,

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know that the situation with Molly and her mom has added a lot of stress, but I had no idea it had reached this level. I was stunned when you listed out all of the things you were unhappy with me about, but when you got to my hair, I knew that this wasn't really about me. Honey, healthy people don't keep a list of wrongs the way you are. I am really worried that you are not processing what is going on in your life in a healthy way. I hope that this situation can be a wake up call to you that you need some help working through this bitterness.

 

I really wish I could be that friend to walk with you through this difficult time, but clearly that can't be my role. Perhaps professional counseling would be the right choice for you. I just want you to know that I am for you. I want to see you heal and become whole again, even from afar. I have enclosed the cd as a peace offering, because it's clearly important to you, and I don't want to add to whatever financial stress that may have brought this on.

 

Best wishes,

a friend that is clearly too good for you

 

I would be tempted to send this.

 

More :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Usually posts on the internet from people I do not "know" don't really rile me up....but in this case, I'm angry for you! That "friend" is treating you horribly. I'd refuse contact with her any further...you don't need "friends" like that. And keep the CD.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually, I would not advocate sending one of those suggested letters. I agree with the sentiment, but honestly, I think a woman who says the kinds of things "Friend" said is teetering on the edge. As much as she's guilty of hurting feelings, I would not push this from that angle. She needs to pull herself together, and when that happens, she'll realize on her own what a loon she's been. I'd give her time and space to pull back from the edge.

 

Meanwhile, I would NOT allow her to hurt me any further.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I forgot - I also wanted to say that after having all night to think through things, I think the thing that hurts the most is knowing that I trusted her and made myself vulnerable by sharing my weaknesses and she, like another poster said, was taking notes and threw it ALL back in my face.

 

She's seen things and knows things that I hadn't ever shown or told anyone else. I allowed her, and another friend from the group (the one she's closer to now) to come in my home and help me clean & organize my bedroom. It was the catchall at our house, but it was nothing like Hoarders or anything. I was scared to let them in....and felt so, so, so vulnerable in that moment. Now, I feel so embarassed and betrayed.

 

There are, obviously, plenty more examples, but THAT is what is eating at me.

 

I understand that you feel as if you stood naked before them for them to see everything. I understand you are embarrassed. PLEASE don't be. You handled this friendship with a beautiful, loving, pure heart. You did things right. The REAL nut job did not. I feel more sorry for her than I do for you. She is a miserable, unhappy soul. A happy person simply could not do to you what she did.

 

I do feel bad for you. Trusting people only to have them trample on your heart is so very painful.

 

I hope you find true happiness in REAL loving and devoted friends. I hope you find a friend like yourself.

 

I want you to know that I went through incredibly difficult times with people after moving to NH. It was hard for me as I was an extrovert with MANY friends in CA. Many times I said I was done, I didn't need friends in the state, I could just call my other friends. I am so glad I didn't give up because my two closest friends in the state are like my sisters. I would do anything for them, they would do anything for me. I hope you will find this yourself.

 

This was a painful lesson which hopefully gave you better skills at determining true friends from..... Idiots.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wanna hear my passive-aggressive version of a response letter? I'm about to let my sin nature shine.

 

Dear Terrible Friend,

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know that the situation with Molly and her mom has added a lot of stress, but I had no idea it had reached this level. I was stunned when you listed out all of the things you were unhappy with me about, but when you got to my hair, I knew that this wasn't really about me. Honey, healthy people don't keep a list of wrongs the way you are. I am really worried that you are not processing what is going on in your life in a healthy way. I hope that this situation can be a wake up call to you that you need some help working through this bitterness.

 

I really wish I could be that friend to walk with you through this difficult time, but clearly that can't be my role. Perhaps professional counseling would be the right choice for you. I just want you to know that I am for you. I want to see you heal and become whole again, even from afar. I have enclosed the cd as a peace offering, because it's clearly important to you, and I don't want to add to whatever financial stress that may have brought this on.

 

Best wishes,

a friend that is clearly too good for you

 

Totally send this!!! :iagree:

 

I'm in shock reading what your "friend" did to you. If that is a friend then give me solitary confinement! She is HORRIBLE! Saying those things and knowing how it was hurting you and continuing to say them makes me think she is seriously warped and very probably a narcissist. RUN AWAY...FAST!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just want to say that you all are amazing. Every time I feel myself starting to slip back to feeling awful, I come here and someone else has posted something to boost me up.

 

Thank you.

 

Please do.

 

:grouphug:

 

I have ADD as well, my house is messy and my hair does look awful. I think you did a very kind thing and that this so called friend is no friend at all. I would probably find someway to send the CD to the stepdaughter and the Mom with cancer and just not have any contact with the 'friend' or anyone that's close to her. I would probably type up a thousand passive aggressive and outright nasty notes and delete or tear them up til I felt better.

 

I don't see my friends as projects but blessings. We all have our faults. I'd rather be messy than a mean spirited person who thought I was blessing others with my mere presence in their lives and that they all 'owed' me something. I know she might be going through a lot but so is just about everyone. My mother died of cancer in Dec and my grandmother is in end stage pancreatic cancer right now. I hurt - a lot. But I'd never ever treat anyone the way you were treated. It's just not right.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

none[/u] of it!! :grouphug:

 

 

TRUE!!!

 

I also want to point out that while this is true, we are also honest enough to tell you if you did something wrong.

 

Nut job looked at you as her pity project.:lol::lol::lol:THAT is funny, especially because it appears she could learn more from you than you could from her. You are DEFINITELY the better role model.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Starbucks?? No, no, no honey. You come on down to my house and I'll make you a real cafe con leche and fill you up with some guava cheese pastries. :D If that doesn't put a smile on your face then nothing will! ;) :p :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I need a smile on my face, too!!!:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wanna hear my passive-aggressive version of a response letter? I'm about to let my sin nature shine.

 

Dear Terrible Friend,

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know that the situation with Molly and her mom has added a lot of stress, but I had no idea it had reached this level. I was stunned when you listed out all of the things you were unhappy with me about, but when you got to my hair, I knew that this wasn't really about me. Honey, healthy people don't keep a list of wrongs the way you are. I am really worried that you are not processing what is going on in your life in a healthy way. I hope that this situation can be a wake up call to you that you need some help working through this bitterness.

 

I really wish I could be that friend to walk with you through this difficult time, but clearly that can't be my role. Perhaps professional counseling would be the right choice for you. I just want you to know that I am for you. I want to see you heal and become whole again, even from afar. I have enclosed the cd as a peace offering, because it's clearly important to you, and I don't want to add to whatever financial stress that may have brought this on.

 

Best wishes,

a friend that is clearly too good for you

 

Why is this passive-aggressive or sinful? The truth hurts sometimes. This is all truth. Take out the greeting and signature, and I think this is something Nut Job needs to hear.

 

I would send all three letters Nut Job and include a cover letter. Explain in the CL that you didn't know which to send so you sent all three to clearly convey your feelings to her

 

All three letters are excellent. nanceXtoo's is just a little too nice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She certainly doesn't sound like a good friend. I don't mean that friends can't pour it all out, especially in a time of stress, but *what* she poured out makes it look like this wasn't an equal, honest relationship.

 

:leaving:

 

However, I don't think I would've been able to charge her for the photographs in her situation. It seems that the fact that the dying woman was awful, was somehow a factor in your decision to charge them for the photos, otherwise you would not have mentioned this. But it shouldn't have been. What if it was a lovely, loved by everyone woman? Would you have felt the same? It shouldn't have matter, because you were essentially dealing with your friend and her daughter (who, at that time, still didn't reveal all this lovely information about your friendship).

 

Not only that, but charging either of them was not a good business decision. Volunteering time and services to the dying is a great business step for any photographer. If I had a choice between two equally talented photographers, and one of them donated her services to the parents of still birth babies, for example, it is clear who I would've chosen.

 

In addition, you mentioned that it wasn't your best work, and that the session didn't go very well, as you were stressed out. Personally, I wouldn't be able to charge a client if I knew my work wasn't my best. At that point, even if I intended to charge the client, I would have waived the fee.

 

Personally, I wouldn't have felt right on the inside, to charge a dying person, especially in your situation. I would've either refused, or donated my services. Business is business, but this simply wouldn't feel right. Because of this, I would've been taken aback if a good friend didn't donate her services if the situation were reversed.

 

I also think that in highly emotionally charged situations, when death and friendship are involved, it is not when we are to choose business over friendship. Exactly because this would never go well. However, in your case, maybe it did go well--you know now that this person's friendship wasn't genuine.

 

In any case, I'm really sorry you ended up losing the friendship. The whole situation was very awkward for both of you. But the problem is not that she was upset, but that she didn't value your friendship.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

From my experience a former portrait studio owner....Unless my business model is set up so I do 'volunteer' work for the dying, I'm going to charge for my time, energy, creativity, materials, and vision. It's what my business is set up to do--make a profit. If I volunteer or give away my work, it should be my choice and my choice alone.

 

I did a sweet old man's portrait many years ago. In his home, sitting in a lovely leather chair with a table next to it. On the table was an old fashioned lamp, and his pipe. The man read (aloud!) from his Bible while I worked with my lights and camera. Much of his family had gathered to celebrate his life and they knelt or stood out of camera range, but within hearing of the old man. It was a great photo session--one of my all time favorites. The man died less than two weeks later--as his family expected. They cried tears of joy when they saw the photos...and happily wrote a check for all they ordered.

 

And...one other story...I'm sitting on my couch writing this...bald headed from chemotherapy to treat bre*st cancer. There are husky guys installing a heating and AC system in the house today. Our friend owns the company. Should they be doing all that for free? (sigh, yes it would be nice, but not real.) We are delighted to be blessing our friend's business. Just because the OP's business is more artsy doesn't make it less of a business. She shouldn't be guilted or forced into giving away her talent, time, and energy for free.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:grouphug: I'm sorry. Is the other friend worth keeping?

 

I don't know yet. I'm thinking I don't feel safe with her either.....as long as she is close with "friend".
:iagree: I'd be afraid 2nd friend would "report" to 1st "friend". I wouldn't feel safe, sad to say! :glare:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why is this passive-aggressive or sinful? The truth hurts sometimes. This is all truth. Take out the greeting and signature, and I think this is something Nut Job needs to hear.

 

I would send all three letters Nut Job and include a cover letter. Explain in the CL that you didn't know which to send so you sent all three to clearly convey your feelings to her

 

All three letters are excellent. nanceXtoo's is just a little too nice.

 

I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that!

 

When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off.

 

So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all.

 

I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Starbucks?? No, no, no honey. You come on down to my house and I'll make you a real cafe con leche and fill you up with some guava cheese pastries. :D If that doesn't put a smile on your face then nothing will! ;) :p :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
As a new friend who wishes her the best, I feel I should accompany her when she comes for these things, and should imbibe of them as a show of support! That's what firends are for, to be supportive...yes? :D
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that!

 

When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off.

 

So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all.

 

I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture.

 

Wow. Just wow. She has some nerve. I think your response was perfect and I'm glad to hear that Molly will get to keep the pictures of her mother. :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that!

 

When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off.

 

So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all.

 

I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture.

 

Good for you.

 

You will learn to live without her friendship. It will be really hard at first, but ultimately better. I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that!

 

When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off.

 

So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all.

 

I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture.

Yeah, because she got all *her* pent up thoughts and feelings and barf out of her system! Now *she* feels better.:glare:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that!

 

When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off.

 

So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all.

 

I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture.

 

:001_huh: That woman is a real piece of work. I'd definitely be sending Shannon's letter. And she had the nerve to call you self-absorbed? I want to give her an imaginary punch in the face.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mother died of cancer in Dec and my grandmother is in end stage pancreatic cancer right now. I hurt - a lot. But I'd never ever treat anyone the way you were treated. It's just not right.

 

Oh Peggy! :crying: I'm so so sorry. :( I wish you were closer to me so that I could give you a big hug and then take you roller skating to all 80's music. :grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss honey. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I need a smile on my face, too!!!:D

 

LOL Come on down! :) Well, first I have to get back to my house (I'm still up here in GA visiting my mom), but then yeah, Cuban food all around!! All are welcome. Nothing like some good home cooked Cuban food and coffee and desserts to make you feel good. :p

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that!

 

When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off.

 

So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all.

 

I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture.

 

Good for you!! I think you handled your meeting very well. I hope this will all be over for you soon and you can write this crazy woman out of your life! :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just popping in to add some more :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

:grouphug: me too. I have been p*ssed off for you all day. I am as ADD as they come....my house is an explosion some days....but, my kids are happy. Some people just don't get what being a friend means....

 

:grouphug: again.

 

Faithe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why is this passive-aggressive or sinful? The truth hurts sometimes. This is all truth. Take out the greeting and signature, and I think this is something Nut Job needs to hear.

 

I would send all three letters Nut Job and include a cover letter. Explain in the CL that you didn't know which to send so you sent all three to clearly convey your feelings to her

 

All three letters are excellent. nanceXtoo's is just a little too nice.

 

 

But the greeting is the BEST part! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From my experience a former portrait studio owner....Unless my business model is set up so I do 'volunteer' work for the dying, I'm going to charge for my time, energy, creativity, materials, and vision. It's what my business is set up to do--make a profit. If I volunteer or give away my work, it should be my choice and my choice alone.

 

I did a sweet old man's portrait many years ago. In his home, sitting in a lovely leather chair with a table next to it. On the table was an old fashioned lamp, and his pipe. The man read (aloud!) from his Bible while I worked with my lights and camera. Much of his family had gathered to celebrate his life and they knelt or stood out of camera range, but within hearing of the old man. It was a great photo session--one of my all time favorites. The man died less than two weeks later--as his family expected. They cried tears of joy when they saw the photos...and happily wrote a check for all they ordered.

 

And...one other story...I'm sitting on my couch writing this...bald headed from chemotherapy to treat bre*st cancer. There are husky guys installing a heating and AC system in the house today. Our friend owns the company. Should they be doing all that for free? (sigh, yes it would be nice, but not real.) We are delighted to be blessing our friend's business. Just because the OP's business is more artsy doesn't make it less of a business. She shouldn't be guilted or forced into giving away her talent, time, and energy for free.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From my experience a former portrait studio owner....Unless my business model is set up so I do 'volunteer' work for the dying, I'm going to charge for my time, energy, creativity, materials, and vision. It's what my business is set up to do--make a profit. If I volunteer or give away my work, it should be my choice and my choice alone.

 

I did a sweet old man's portrait many years ago. In his home, sitting in a lovely leather chair with a table next to it. On the table was an old fashioned lamp, and his pipe. The man read (aloud!) from his Bible while I worked with my lights and camera. Much of his family had gathered to celebrate his life and they knelt or stood out of camera range, but within hearing of the old man. It was a great photo session--one of my all time favorites. The man died less than two weeks later--as his family expected. They cried tears of joy when they saw the photos...and happily wrote a check for all they ordered.

 

And...one other story...I'm sitting on my couch writing this...bald headed from chemotherapy to treat bre*st cancer. There are husky guys installing a heating and AC system in the house today. Our friend owns the company. Should they be doing all that for free? (sigh, yes it would be nice, but not real.) We are delighted to be blessing our friend's business. Just because the OP's business is more artsy doesn't make it less of a business. She shouldn't be guilted or forced into giving away her talent, time, and energy for free.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I actually really like this idea....because all 3 do express my feelings. I DO have mixed emotions about it all. Each letter expresses the different parts of that!

 

When I went to the preschool to pick DD up I had to walk past her in the hall. I intended to just keep walking. She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened. Asked to clarify what a "file" was (both the color & black and white or just one of them). I answered, but told her not to worry about it - a CD was on its way to "Molly". She tried to interrupt me to say "okay, cuz there were just a some she ("Molly") didn't necessarily care about....". I stopped her to say again that the CD was already printed and on its way. Then, I walked off.

 

So, yes. I decided to give the CD to "Molly". I mailed it out this morning. It is addressed to "Molly" at "friend's" address. I had intended to not put a return address on it, but since I ended up telling "friend" that it was coming I decided to after all.

 

I sent the CD for ME. I suspect "friend" will try to pay me at least the $150 in the next week or so. I don't want her money. I don't want any further interaction. This was MY gesture.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

At this point, what have you got to lose? Sending the letters is calling her on her own behavior in a truthful way. They are far more gracious words than what you got from her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like you did SUPER on your interaction with your "friend." Great job!

 

Regarding the other women you usually meet with, if you like them and want to maintain relations, what you say to them about your absence would depend on how well you know and trust them. Safest course would be to say, "personal reasons" and leave it at that. If "friend" is a gossip, they will probably get a mangled version of what happened, but that's OK. If they are sensible women, they will know better than to trust "friend's" version. If they are not sensible, you should probably select a different set of friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We must add Shannon831 to the Don't poke the Hive conflict management letter writing service. :D

 

Added to the list. I hear it is good to get at least 3 estimates. This could so work in real life. There!!! A job to do from home, conflict management!!! Just don't agree to do it for free, unless it's a hive member of course. ;)

 

From my experience a former portrait studio owner....Unless my business model is set up so I do 'volunteer' work for the dying, I'm going to charge for my time, energy, creativity, materials, and vision. It's what my business is set up to do--make a profit. If I volunteer or give away my work, it should be my choice and my choice alone.

 

I did a sweet old man's portrait many years ago. In his home, sitting in a lovely leather chair with a table next to it. On the table was an old fashioned lamp, and his pipe. The man read (aloud!) from his Bible while I worked with my lights and camera. Much of his family had gathered to celebrate his life and they knelt or stood out of camera range, but within hearing of the old man. It was a great photo session--one of my all time favorites. The man died less than two weeks later--as his family expected. They cried tears of joy when they saw the photos...and happily wrote a check for all they ordered.

 

And...one other story...I'm sitting on my couch writing this...bald headed from chemotherapy to treat bre*st cancer. There are husky guys installing a heating and AC system in the house today. Our friend owns the company. Should they be doing all that for free? (sigh, yes it would be nice, but not real.) We are delighted to be blessing our friend's business. Just because the OP's business is more artsy doesn't make it less of a business. She shouldn't be guilted or forced into giving away her talent, time, and energy for free.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I've been thinking of you. :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

BTW--your "friend's" response when you ran into her is more confirmation (in my book) of the fact that she's a bad egg. People that dump crap and then act as though nothing happened are either confirmed narcissists (the conversation didn't hurt her, and you don't matter, so there is no reason for her to behave differently), confirmed manipulators (it's useful to keep you off-balance, wondering if you misunderstood or over-reacted), or hopelessly immature (likes spouting off; doesn't like consequences).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She stopped me. Talked to me like nothing happened.

 

Well, that's just the bizarro icing on the icky cake of weirdness.

 

She unloads her verbal vomit on you, then expects you to just behave as though nothing was said?

 

As satisfying as it might be to send a letter, I say stay far, far away. She is clearly out of touch with reality.

 

And more :grouphug: You are going above and beyond to be kind and thoughtful to the young daughter by sending the pictures. That speaks volumes about your character.

 

Cat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

She unloads her verbal vomit on you, then expects you to just behave as though nothing was said?

 

 

I find this rather common. People act atrociously and then act offended if you steer clear of them. Or only act nice when other people are around. Just more proof it is all about THEM.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...