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10 month old niece: not sitting or crawling yet, "frog legs"


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BIL lives in California. I have never seen his first-born little girl until Christmas Eve. She is beautiful and happy. MIL is worried about her and asked me for my opinion.

 

Baby was born with legs spread very far apart - like frog legs. Dr said there was no problem. He still does. They have never gone to a specialist of any kind.

 

Baby spent the entire time (about 7 hours minus a short nap) in a bouncy seat (the infant kind that allows a child to sit and relax) or leaning back in someone's arms. She never made a peep, except for blowing lots of raspberries. Her movements were slow. She batted at her bouncy seat toys every once in a while. She was perfectly content. Never wanted to get out.

 

She cannot sit. Cannot crawl. And doesn't even try to push up into a standing position if she's on someone's lap. She holds her head up fairly well, although her parents hold onto her head when putting her back in the bouncy seat. I never saw her hold/pick up any toys.

 

I asked to hold her and I was shocked when she felt like dead weight.

 

MIL wants to know what I think, so she can talk to them. I don't know anything about it, but she must have low muscle tone, right? I'm not sure if it has to do with her frog legs, though.

 

Any thoughts?

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It isn't ideal to keep babies in bouncers or seats all the time. They need tummy time on a blanket to help develop their muscles. I'm not sure why the baby is having muscle issues, which could be medical. I'm sure the chairs aren't helping. Normally pediatricians check for muscle development. It's part of the well-baby check. Have they taken the baby to the pediatrician?

 

I know you care and are concerned. It's understandable. Unfortunately I don't have any advice on how to approach them. It is a 50/50 risk - either they will respond favorably or think you are meddling. :grouphug:

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It does sound like low muscle tone. One of my sons was much like this except his legs weren't spread far apart. When he was not sitting on his own at 9 1/2 months we had him evaluated. They said it was low tone at that time. The funny thing is that he began to sit on his own by 10 months and was walking at 12 months, without really ever crawling. We left it alone at that time. Fast forward 8 years and he was in PT and OT for his low tone, which was again causing major problems because he couldn't perform or keep up with the other kids.

 

Maybe you could find a way to bring up the subject but my guess is that the parents already sense something is off. If they haven't already they will probably check into it further soon.

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I don't know enough to give an informed comment on the baby, but if you are concerned you could simply gift your BIL a subscription to one of the many parenting magazines that have sections dedicated to "Your X Month Old." They will naturally read the part that applies to their child's peer group and if they are concerned they can chat with their doctor.

 

Personally, I wouldn't ever say a word about missed milestones unless you are absolutely sure there is a problem. Momma and Daddy bears are ferocious.

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There are several things that can cause hypotonia, AKA floppy baby syndrome. Sometimes the child develops more slowly, but eventually just fine. I think it depends on what causes it. Physical therapy is good.

 

My friend's baby had it, but she got PT for him practically from birth and it was hardly noticeable. She had had a cousin with it and so recognized it right away.

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I once babysat a colleague's baby around the age of 3 months. I noticed several things that concerned me. When the parents came home, I observed a few things in what I hoped was a non-judgmental way: baby seemed much more comfortable in position A than any other position; baby seemed to be uncomfortable a lot; baby seemed much stronger on one side than the other. I asked if their doctor had noticed anything, and they said no, he always said she had no problems. I asked them if their older daughter could do X at her age, and they said yes. Then I just kind of smiled and said, "well, she is a beautiful baby" and left them to think about it. It made them more aware that those things were unusual enough to be remarkable to an outsider. They dug deeper and discovered the child had a significant problem that required years of therapy, started as soon as possible. Maybe if I'd kept quiet, the child would have been more delayed - I don't know.

 

Now, I know parents are protective of their kids. I have a child who has had various issues, and I have felt defensive. But that is because I already have concerns, and if an outsider observes the same thing, that helps me to know it's worth a closer look. If someone says "my kid could do X at a younger age than your kid," that's not going to help. But if they ask a question like "have you checked with your doctor about that" or "what does your doctor say about that," I think I would take it better.

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I'd get another Dr. ASAP. I'd strongly urge a developmental pediatrician. I had three different dr's brush off my concerns about my son. I finally pushed and pushed just to get referals. he has aspergers/autism spectrum, and should have been in early intervention.

 

in the meantime, she needs to have "floor" time with a blanket on the floor with toys to reach for. Play a game of "rolling" her over. lay her on her back, and grabbing her ankles, roll her over. do the same thing from front to back. if her problem is the amount of time she spends in that bouncy seat, this will help. if she has developmental problems, it will still help.

 

if the parents "Must" put her in something, a johnny jump up would be a big improvement as she'd have the opportunity to put weight on her legs and build strength.

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I don't know enough to give an informed comment on the baby, but if you are concerned you could simply gift your BIL a subscription to one of the many parenting magazines that have sections dedicated to "Your X Month Old." They will naturally read the part that applies to their child's peer group and if they are concerned they can chat with their doctor.

 

Personally, I wouldn't ever say a word about missed milestones unless you are absolutely sure there is a problem. Momma and Daddy bears are ferocious.

 

:iagree:

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BIL lives in California. I have never seen his first-born little girl until Christmas Eve. She is beautiful and happy. MIL is worried about her and asked me for my opinion.

 

Baby was born with legs spread very far apart - like frog legs. Dr said there was no problem. He still does. They have never gone to a specialist of any kind.

 

Baby spent the entire time (about 7 hours minus a short nap) in a bouncy seat (the infant kind that allows a child to sit and relax) or leaning back in someone's arms. She never made a peep, except for blowing lots of raspberries. Her movements were slow. She batted at her bouncy seat toys every once in a while. She was perfectly content. Never wanted to get out.

 

She cannot sit. Cannot crawl. And doesn't even try to push up into a standing position if she's on someone's lap. She holds her head up fairly well, although her parents hold onto her head when putting her back in the bouncy seat. I never saw her hold/pick up any toys.

 

I asked to hold her and I was shocked when she felt like dead weight.

 

MIL wants to know what I think, so she can talk to them. I don't know anything about it, but she must have low muscle tone, right? I'm not sure if it has to do with her frog legs, though.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Yeah, I think she is missing major milestones, in gross & fine motor and speech.

 

How did her hearing seem?

 

I thought I heard a saying somewhere about watching out for a baby being "too good." A 10 month old baby in a bouncy seat for 7 hours?!?! Yikes!

 

(I had early walkers...most walked at 9 months...so when one walked at 10 months we laughed and said he was delayed! :lol:)

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I don't know enough to give an informed comment on the baby, but if you are concerned you could simply gift your BIL a subscription to one of the many parenting magazines that have sections dedicated to "Your X Month Old." They will naturally read the part that applies to their child's peer group and if they are concerned they can chat with their doctor.

 

Personally, I wouldn't ever say a word about missed milestones unless you are absolutely sure there is a problem. Momma and Daddy bears are ferocious.

 

:iagree:

 

The problem IS the missed milestones. And based on what Lisa wrote, it's many missed milestones.

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My 10 yo has down syndrome. He was sitting up by 10 months. He could lie on his tummy and lift his head and roll over at that age. I think he was starting to crawl at that age. He has severe motor deficits, he has low muscle tone. You are talking about a child who does not have a known disability who is obviously behind the milestones my ds made.

 

I hated the What to expect the first year book when my youngest was an infant. I gave it away. It was so depressing. But I knew what was wrong and why things didn't match.

 

Just sticking with the motor issues, there is something seriously wrong with your niece.

 

Does your niece go to daycare. If she has an at home parent, does the at home parent take her to parent child things like swimming or gymboree. If she were in daycare, providers where I live would tell the parent there was a problem and tell them about early child intervention programs. If they went to parent and me programs they'd have to really blind themselves to the differences between their kid and someone else's.

 

If you lived closer, this would be beyond a "tread lightly" situation for me. "Treading lightly" here is only hurting the child at this point.

Edited by betty
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My son's pediatrician insisted he was fine and that I "needed to relax.". We now know about his genetic disorder because I went to another doctor.

 

I told my brother his son had CP. his pediatrician told my brother to tell me to stop practicing medicine without a license. I had my brother bring his son down to AI duPont Hospital for Children, where he was promptly diagnosed with CP.

 

If your kiddo is missing milestones and your gut tells you something is wrong, pursue it with a second or even third opinion. In this case you aren't the Mom, but the parents may need help understanding they don't need to "obey" a doctor who could be wrong.

 

I have a profound respect for the health care professionals with whom I work to keep my family healthy and strong, but they are human. They can err. And you see the child in more 'natural setting' than they do, and for longer. It's important to be an active, not passive, part of your child's healthcare team, and to choose docs who respect that choice-- or to encourage the new parents close to you to trust themselves. I remember that as the toughest thing to do as a new parent.

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There are several things that can cause hypotonia, AKA floppy baby syndrome. Sometimes the child develops more slowly, but eventually just fine. I think it depends on what causes it. Physical therapy is good.

 

My friend's baby had it, but she got PT for him practically from birth and it was hardly noticeable. She had had a cousin with it and so recognized it right away.

 

Savvy had hypotonia and is now (at 4yo) just fine. But she was significantly delayed in her gross motor (and also speech- at one time they suspected apraxia). She didn't sit up until 11 or 12 months (can't remember exactly), didn't crawl until 14 mo. and didn't walk until 21 months.

 

She had low muscle tone in her lower back muscles as well and also did a lot of "W" sitting. (is this what is meant by frog legs?)

 

I think this definitely bears looking into further.

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There's on the slower side, and then there's delayed. She sounds like she is beyond "on the slower side." Some of mine have been on the slower side of certain milestones. . . DS2 crawled at 9 months but didn't walk until 15 months and didn't talk much until 2. I'd have been concerned if those were not accompanied by a ridiculously early excellent pincer grasp and fine motor control and by large amounts of signing. We could tell that he could hear, and he could communicate just fine; he just wasn't interested in developing walking or speaking skills. I'm mildly concerned because my 5.5 month old is not interested in rolling. But he plays with toys and reaches for things and is almost sitting on his own, so I think I have another couple of months before I should really be concerned. I think the worrisome thing is when there are delays in multiple areas and not obvious progressions in others.

 

I would be very concerned about this baby. She sounds like a very sweet baby (and some babies just are very content to be cuddled; my DS1 was like that and still is, really), but if she was my baby, I would probably want someone to evaluate her, just to be sure she's got all the advantages she can. The fact that she feels like dead weight in your arms is worrisome to me. Even my content DS1 and my slower-to-walk DS2 would hold up their upper bodies and push up to stand on my lap and would grab toys if placed in front of them. I think I would tell your MIL that you are concerned, because her areas of delay seem to be multiple, and really encourage her to have them take her to a different doctor or a specialist or something. If I noticed that about one of my nieces or nephews, I'd mention it to my mom or MIL, rather than to my brother/SIL directly.

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I just took DD2 to the doc a few weeks ago, she is 7 months. She was worried because she wasn't sitting up yet. She said it is a little red flag by 7 months and big red flag by 8 months. I would have MIL talk to them about getting a new ped. We are keeping a closer eye on DD2 because of some late/missed milestones. I can't believe the ped doesn't think there is a problem with all those missed milestones.

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Personally, I wouldn't ever say a word about missed milestones unless you are absolutely sure there is a problem. Momma and Daddy bears are ferocious.

 

Frog legs and not crawling by ten months don't set off alarms in my head. Not sitting up is not normal.

 

I know it is unpleasant to possibly offend people, but the best interests of the child are at stake. This calls for a few direct comments. If the parents don't acknowledge that something is wrong, they won't make any changes. That baby needs to get out of the bouncy chair and into some physical therapy.

 

Once, I saw a sickly, puny looking baby, and asked his mother if he was okay, and if his doctor thought so too. She told me everything was fine. I knew the baby wasn't fine, but I wanted to mind my own business, and not offend her. About a week later someone with a backbone told her point blank "Take him to the hospital immediately." By that time he was failing to thrive so much that he was skin and bones. I am not a dramatic person, nor do I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I cried when I heard the news because I should have said something to help that poor little baby. Who cares if it might have hurt the mother's feelings? That child might have died. Thank God, with intervention, his health improved so much, he was just as plump and yummy as any other baby.

 

I leaqrned my lesson. Sometimes we need to speak up. If people don't like it, so what. In the end they'll come back to thank us, anyway.

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I should probably add that my sister has a daughter who was born a few months premature and has been diagnosed with CP. She would be 6 months old if she were born on schedule. She holds her head up, sits with support, grabs for toys and brings them to her mouth, and vocalizes all day long. Granted, her mom has had her in therapy since before her due date, but even so she is probably considered delayed. I hope this family decides to seek evaluation / intervention soon.

 

When you think about it, doctors only spend a couple of minutes with patients on routine visits (if that). Sounds like this baby would come across as just a sweet baby in the doctor's office. I wonder if the parents could use some advice about making a list of factual info to bring to the next doctor visit. And if the doctor doesn't at least react to the information, it's time to find someone who will.

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Yes, there is something wrong. She needs to take the baby to another pediatrician who will actually spend the time necessary to evaluate the baby. When she makes the appointment, she needs to make it specifically to address these issues. She shouldn't wait for a well-child exam to bring this up to the doctor.

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I once babysat a colleague's baby around the age of 3 months. I noticed several things that concerned me. When the parents came home, I observed a few things in what I hoped was a non-judgmental way: baby seemed much more comfortable in position A than any other position; baby seemed to be uncomfortable a lot; baby seemed much stronger on one side than the other. I asked if their doctor had noticed anything, and they said no, he always said she had no problems. I asked them if their older daughter could do X at her age, and they said yes. Then I just kind of smiled and said, "well, she is a beautiful baby" and left them to think about it. It made them more aware that those things were unusual enough to be remarkable to an outsider. They dug deeper and discovered the child had a significant problem that required years of therapy, started as soon as possible. Maybe if I'd kept quiet, the child would have been more delayed - I don't know.

 

Now, I know parents are protective of their kids. I have a child who has had various issues, and I have felt defensive. But that is because I already have concerns, and if an outsider observes the same thing, that helps me to know it's worth a closer look. If someone says "my kid could do X at a younger age than your kid," that's not going to help. But if they ask a question like "have you checked with your doctor about that" or "what does your doctor say about that," I think I would take it better.

 

It's tricky to do this sort of thing without overstepping, but that's pretty much how I would handle it. Gently question and suggest, but then affirm what a sweet baby and move on. There's only so much you can do - they have to look into it or not because they're the parents.

 

I wouldn't give the What to Expect book though. Bleh. The moment I saw that the toddler one suggested that children still breastfeeding past one year would have psychological problems was the moment I tossed all the ones people had given me in the trash.

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Yes, there is a problem. not walking or crawling can be totally normal for a 10 month old. NOT sitting is a big problem. And being in bouncy seat for 7 hours is a sign of parents that are out of touch, or something. Without knowing them, I can't know if they are good parents...but it is not ok to leave a child in a sat for that long, unless the child has some kind of medical issue.

 

I hope she ca get help.

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I should probably add that my sister has a daughter who was born a few months premature and has been diagnosed with CP. She would be 6 months old if she were born on schedule. She holds her head up, sits with support, grabs for toys and brings them to her mouth, and vocalizes all day long. Granted, her mom has had her in therapy since before her due date, but even so she is probably considered delayed. I hope this family decides to seek evaluation / intervention soon.

 

.

 

You didn't say anything wrong, but I just want to point out that CP is a very broad diagnosis that can be characterized by anything from a small gait issue, all the way to severely wheelchair bound.

 

The hypotonia described by the op can be a symptom of CP, but can also be a symptom of many other issues.

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One of my dds didn't roll over by 11 mos and it was enough for Early Intervention to give her PT for a year. She could sit up by 7 mos.

 

Early Intervention is free and very helpful. Their doctor should have referred them by now - they should definitely be looking for a second (or third) opinion.

 

That's an important point that your MIL can bring up. Early Intervention (also known as Part C) is free and does not require a doctor's referral for an evaluation. California also has other state services for children in need (CCS, Regional Centers, IHSS and MediCal waiver to name a few).

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My son entered early intervention at six months. He had a proactive pediatrician and low muscle tone resulting in missed milestones. The dead weight feeling and lack of sitting up make me think low tone. It's really "sticky" to bring up possible issues and delays to a parent. It usually doesn't go well. Unless the parent asked for my opinion or thoughts I wouldn't do it unless I felt the child's life was in danger. You didn't mention health issues. Tone without other issues isn't enough to talk to the parents in my opinion. She will always remember who first said something was wrong with her daughter and that person should not be a relative, let alone a MIL. I don't think the possible benefits to saying something outweigh the drawbacks here.

 

I'm saying I think the child could probably benefit from early intervention but I don't think your MIL can or should say anything.

 

Is the child's doctor a pediatrician? At some point that doctor will mention something if/as she misses milestones.

Edited by sbgrace
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They still support her head and she cannot sit at 10 months? That sounds like there may be something else going on. I wonder if they know something but haven't shared.

ETA: A doctor would notice this and there would be follow-up.

 

Not all doctors. My dd was much the same way, except she could support her head at that age. I took her to the dr. multiple times to get us referred somewhere (she also couldn't tolerate solids at all). He did nothing. It wasn't until we moved when she was 17 months that we got help. She's 6 now and only recently got diagnosed with a rare chromosome microduplication. She was diagnosed a few years ago with a low IQ.

 

As for approaching the parents, I don't know. I'm not sure if they realize something is going on or not. It may or may not be well received. I think I'd have to ask something gently though. Early intervention helps so much.

 

Eta: my dd didn't have "frog legs" but she was late in everything: sitting, standing, walking, talking, babbling, eating, pincher grasp. We were in a small town with only a few doctors and her doctor was on some sort of power trip. It angers me now b/c my dd was adopted and at that point the adoption wasn't finalized. We could have gotten Medicaid for her, which would be a benefit to her in regards to therapy. I really hate when doctors don't listen to parents. Anyway, what sticks out to me about this baby is it seems she is globally delayed too, like my daughter. There's a chance the parents know and even have her in therapies and just haven't mentioned it. I would being it up. Also, I'm assuming she wasn't in a bouncy seat for 7 hours straight since OP also mentioned her being held. At least I hope that wasn't the case. I think the point was she was just content to be completely sedentary... yes, that was my dd at that age. :(

Edited by littleWMN
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Wow. Thank you so much for all of the responses. So many good points.

 

I do wish I had more time with them, as I believe Mom eventually would have opened up. She seems to like me. She is definitely a bit uncertain and nervous.

 

Mom is part of a stroller walking group in CA, but that doesn't give her the opportunity to see other kids moving around. She did say she is enrolled in a music and movement class, which starts after the holidays. I feel sad for Mom already, as it will become so clear to her how far behind her sweet daughter is.

 

From the beginning, I thought maybe she had hip dysplasia, because of her spread eagle legs. No big deal. She would eventually get a harness or cast. But, I also remember MIL saying that, as a newborn, baby didn't grasp her finger or make fists.

 

I will talk to my MIL. And mention the accessibility and necessity of Early Intervention. For the record, MIL is a loving, gentle woman who knows how to approach issues very delicately. If she decides to say something, it will be done lovingly and tactfully.

 

I really appreciate all of your stories and concerns. I know this is such a touchy subject. My neighbor has a 13 year old son, whom we all knew had issues. We never said anything. Mom brushed it off, saying he was just quirky. He now has no friends, is mocked in school, and is struggling in so many ways. She wishes she was never in denial. Her heartbreak is severe. I now wish I would have said something to her years ago. Gently and lovingly, of course. He is like another son to me.

 

Thank you again.

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Also, I'm assuming she wasn't in a bouncy seat for 7 hours straight since OP also mentioned her being held. At least I hope that wasn't the case. I think the point was she was just content to be completely sedentary... yes, that was my dd at that age. :(

 

She was not in the bouncy seat the entire time. She was also held. And fed a few bottles (held by Mom; baby didn't even try to hold it).

 

MIL did mention a few times to put on her the floor, but parents didn't want to. Lots of people walking around, I guess. She does roll, but I didn't have a chance to see. I also wonder if they didn't want us to see what she cannot do.

 

The parents are not neglecting her by putting her in the seat. They LOVE this little girl. She probably gets held a ton. ;)

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I will talk to my MIL. And mention the accessibility and necessity of Early Intervention. For the record, MIL is a loving, gentle woman who knows how to approach issues very delicately. If she decides to say something, it will be done lovingly and tactfully.

 

Just be sure to also mention that just because EI says she doesn't qualify for therapy, it doesn't mean everything is okay. My dd was nearly as delayed with gross motor as this baby seems to be, but we were told by EI that she didn't qualify for pt. They explained it as something to do with how EI is to help kids do only what they need to in order to function in a school setting, and since dd didn't go to any school activities, she didn't need to sit up. :banghead: We later found out that dd has a genetic disorder that was affecting her muscle tone, and would have greatly benefited from therapy at that age. Heck, my dd wasn't even BABBLING by fourteen months (which we found out was due to blocked ears from infections) and they told us she was borderline as far as qualifying for speech therapy.

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One of the babies I get to work with in my volunteer work was suspected to have hip displasia by her foster mother. The baby was 9 months old and her responses and movement sound very similar to this baby. The hip displasia was finally ruled out and after a month of just being able to roll around on a blanket in the floor instead of being held all the time or sitting in a seat, that little dumpling of a baby is STANDING! I went by to see her last week and could not believe my eyes! She could pull herself up and hold on to the side of a play pen. It was breathtaking. I hope this is all that is necessary and that no one gets their feelings hurt. I know how hard this must be.

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Not all doctors. My dd was much the same way, except she could support her head at that age. I took her to the dr. multiple times to get us referred somewhere (she also couldn't tolerate solids at all). He did nothing. It wasn't until we moved when she was 17 months that we got help. She's 6 now and only recently got diagnosed with a rare chromosome microduplication. She was diagnosed a few years ago with a low IQ.

 

I was brushed off by several drs when I'd mention something. even after I brought in a list of a couple dozen concerns, I was only referred to an OT clinic for OT, which wasnt' very informative or helpful. ds should have been referred for a complete workup, which I only got after pushing and pushing. He should have had early intervention, but it was too late by the time we finally started to get him interventions.

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Just be sure to also mention that just because EI says she doesn't qualify for therapy, it doesn't mean everything is okay. My dd was nearly as delayed with gross motor as this baby seems to be, but we were told by EI that she didn't qualify for pt. They explained it as something to do with how EI is to help kids do only what they need to in order to function in a school setting, and since dd didn't go to any school activities, she didn't need to sit up. :banghead: We later found out that dd has a genetic disorder that was affecting her muscle tone, and would have greatly benefited from therapy at that age. Heck, my dd wasn't even BABBLING by fourteen months (which we found out was due to blocked ears from infections) and they told us she was borderline as far as qualifying for speech therapy.

 

What state do you live in? To qualify for EI, a child must have a 25% delay in two or more developmental areas or a 33% delay in one area or have some diagnosis that has a high probability for developmental delay...I am fairly sure these are the national standards but not 100% positive.

 

EI has nothing to do with school or whether the child is involved in school activities. I have been working as a physical therapist in EI for 17 years and have never heard of any such thing.

 

Is there a gentle way to recommend an EI evaluation to the parents for their child...maybe say something about it being a program to help parents by providing activities for improving a child's development or something along those lines. I think it is important to tread lightly. Sometimes parents just don't realize what a child of a certain age should be able to do or maybe they just don't realize the baby should spend time on the ground. The frog-legged posture is typical in a very low toned baby. EI staff, at least here, will recommend the pediatrician consider referral to a specialist if they feel it is warranted.

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They explained it as something to do with how EI is to help kids do only what they need to in order to function in a school setting, and since dd didn't go to any school activities, she didn't need to sit up. :banghead:

 

What???!!! Early Intervention is *only* for kids through 3 years old! Then they're usually handed over to the PS for services. It's specifically for kids too young to go to school - so how in heavens name could they make that argument. :confused::confused: Then there wouldn't be any kid who qualified for services...

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What???!!! Early Intervention is *only* for kids through 3 years old! Then they're usually handed over to the PS for services. It's specifically for kids too young to go to school - so how in heavens name could they make that argument. :confused::confused: Then there wouldn't be any kid who qualified for services...

 

I'm no expert, but I have heard this varies by state and may depend on budget constraints, which change over time. I seem to recall hearing that a child was denied services because the specific issue was not relevant to academics (can't remember what it was). Although I'd think being able to sit would be relevant to learning in a school setting.

 

That said, this baby sounds like she would qualify even under a fairly strict standard. No babbling, not using her hands much, etc., in addition to the overall physical issues. In any case, she deserves to be evaluated.

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As for approaching the parents, I don't know. I'm not sure if they realize something is going on or not.

 

I'm having real trouble getting my mind around this one. How can anyone not realize that a 10 month old should be able to sit unassisted (at least!)? I honestly and truly thought they must know something is up... and I honestly and truly assumed they may have already taken steps and just didn't feel ready to share their experiences/knowledge yet.

 

Is it possible that regular, average parents wouldn't notice that a 10 month old who sits in a baby seat for 7 hours and cannot sit up alone is delayed??? (I won't list the things my kids, their cousins, and my friends' kids were doing at this age, b/c it's not about what other kids are doing, but all those other kids are my only measuring stick and I am in SHOCK that anyone would think this 10 month old's described behaviors are anything like typical.)

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When you think about it, doctors only spend a couple of minutes with patients on routine visits (if that). Sounds like this baby would come across as just a sweet baby in the doctor's office.

 

I have 4 kids and they've had 4 pediatricians in three different states. IME, pediatricians check milestones at every visit. They do not just ask. They want to *see.* I have trouble believing a pediatrician would just smile and nod at a 10 month old who cannot sit up.

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I'm having real trouble getting my mind around this one. How can anyone not realize that a 10 month old should be able to sit unassisted (at least!)? I honestly and truly thought they must know something is up... and I honestly and truly assumed they may have already taken steps and just didn't feel ready to share their experiences/knowledge yet.

 

 

I think some people can be in denial. Perhaps these people are because it's their first (only?) child and who wants to think/admit something is wrong. These people have a pediatrician who gave them an assessment that all is well. What parent wouldn't want to believe that.

 

The other thing is this couple may know something is wrong, but may not be ready to talk about it to distant relatives (or even close ones). They may be working on evaluations and therapies privately, but trying to put out the message that their dd is doing great to the rest of the family because trying to tell EVERYONE makes the H*&& more real.

 

Maybe they know and wanted to pretend so that they could get through a holiday visit to distant family without crying.

 

On some level these people probably already know. It's just not at the surface yet.

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I'm having real trouble getting my mind around this one. How can anyone not realize that a 10 month old should be able to sit unassisted (at least!)? I honestly and truly thought they must know something is up... and I honestly and truly assumed they may have already taken steps and just didn't feel ready to share their experiences/knowledge yet.

 

Is it possible that regular, average parents wouldn't notice that a 10 month old who sits in a baby seat for 7 hours and cannot sit up alone is delayed??? (I won't list the things my kids, their cousins, and my friends' kids were doing at this age, b/c it's not about what other kids are doing, but all those other kids are my only measuring stick and I am in SHOCK that anyone would think this 10 month old's described behaviors are anything like typical.)

 

My SIL had kids that were badly in need of help, (both diagnosed with PPD-NOS, one in grade 1 now, the other grade 3, both with a special helper in school. This year is the first year the eldest son understood about Christmas.)

 

They were 3 and 1 and family was begging her to take them in to be seen. She never did until they were 6 and 4.

 

Before that when family asked her to go see someone, that it wasn't normal she felt it would all work out since she had been to see TWO physics about it. The second one because she knew it was important to get a second opinion.

 

To almost everyone she is a typical average parent. To her friends she is a normal ordinary Mom.

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I would recommend the Baby book by Dr Sears. It has milestones in it and things to engage your baby. I gave it to my SIL and have to laugh as she would look and see what my niece/nephew was to be doing and then work with them till they did it. :001_smile:

Perhaps it might help them to see what a child that age should be doing and things they can do to encourage the baby.

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There "was something wrong" with my oldest that we didn't really know about till she was 3. A Sunday School teacher said something one week and I just about tore her head off. The next week, another teacher said the same thing, same reaction on my part. The third week yet another teacher said something and I finally said "Okay God, you're obviously trying to tell me something." So we went and got it checked out, though I still thought it was just "How she was." As it turned out there was something very wrong with her and by addressing the issue and getting treatment, it drastically improved the quality of her life!

 

My point is, the parents may not want to hear it. The parents may be very upset with you. But if there is something really "wrong" then getting help early is better than tip toeing around doing nothing. Many times parents see an issue as just part of who their child is.

 

I like the previous poster's suggestion of a subscription to a parenting magazine with monthly milestone articles. There's also a book called "What to Expect Your First Year" that also breaks an infant's first year down month by month.

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I have 4 kids and they've had 4 pediatricians in three different states. IME, pediatricians check milestones at every visit. They do not just ask. They want to *see.* I have trouble believing a pediatrician would just smile and nod at a 10 month old who cannot sit up.

 

Did you read my post? Doctors are human and I was totally brushed off my our ped. This was my third daughter. We went around and around about her not sitting, crawling. She would even choke on food. This is what he said when I asked for a referral - and I quote, "my niece choked until she was two and she's fine now". I told him I didn't want MY daughter to choke until she was two if there was anything we could do about it. I asked him again to refer us and he flat out said no. Dd was in dhs custody and on Medicaid at the time. We couldn't easily switch drs. There were only two in town and I'd already switched from the other one.

 

All that to say, if it's their first child and they are in denial and have had a Dr tell them everything is okay, then I could see how nothing could get done. Personally, I begged, and nothing was done. I recently wrote that doctor a letter and told him about my daughter's diagnosis and reminded him of his brushing off concerns. I stressed the importance of listening to parental instincts. I'm sure it went in one ear and out another, but I didn't want it to happen to another family.

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I think some people can be in denial. Perhaps these people are because it's their first (only?) child and who wants to think/admit something is wrong. These people have a pediatrician who gave them an assessment that all is well. What parent wouldn't want to believe that.

 

The other thing is this couple may know something is wrong, but may not be ready to talk about it to distant relatives (or even close ones). They may be working on evaluations and therapies privately, but trying to put out the message that their dd is doing great to the rest of the family because trying to tell EVERYONE makes the H*&& more real.

 

Maybe they know and wanted to pretend so that they could get through a holiday visit to distant family without crying.

 

On some level these people probably already know. It's just not at the surface yet.

 

It would be an awful lot to bear, telling your family during a visit.

 

MIL said that baby's mom shared an email tonight from a friend who said her oldest child was delayed in everything, but eventually caught up. Mom is definitely worried. How can she not be.

 

I agree that if something is not shared out loud, it can make a problem seen unreal. I am sure she is scared.

 

I wish I could talk to her in depth. I know she would confide in me. She told MIL that she loved getting to know me and felt a connection. Sigh. I want to be there for her.

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What state do you live in? To qualify for EI, a child must have a 25% delay in two or more developmental areas or a 33% delay in one area or have some diagnosis that has a high probability for developmental delay...I am fairly sure these are the national standards but not 100% positive.

 

 

Minnesota. They didn't mention anything to me about those standards, only what I previously posted. Once we received a genetic diagnosis for dd right around the time she turned two, they were falling all over themselves to give her as much therapy as we wanted, as well as letting dd go to ECFE classes for free. So I honestly have no idea what the standards are here. Even now, they insist on dd having a personal aid for all the ECFE classes, even though she's now the most advanced kid in her Ready Set Go class, so go figure. I mean, the kid is starting to read, but they think she needs one on one attention to stack blocks.

 

Okay, rant over. :tongue_smilie: I have issues with EI.

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