Just sad

[LinRTX]

UPDATE?: I have not talked to my daughter yet -- she is in a final and I have to stop feeling hurt so I can talk kindly.

 

I just want to tell everyone that the kind comments have left me feeling that I have friends. Some of you said I should let everything but my daughter go and you are right. I was just shell-shocked and very hurt and everything seemed so awful. THANK YOU -- all of you -- for taking time out of your busy day to make a stranger feel special.

 

Linda

 

 

 

 

Well, not only have I been feeling invisible to everyone around me, but I just now found out that my daughter intentionally told me the wrong time for her first college recital so I could not go.

 

So far this week;

 

Tried to talk to someone at a children's ministry I work with (we both had down time) -- she couldn't talk to me because she was too busy texting (in a chatting way) someone else

 

Went to my younger daughter's choir recital. Was the first to arrive and sat down. Someone from my church came soon after and walked right by me to sit alone in a row three in front of me, so no possibility of turning around to talk even.

 

Every post I make on these boards is virtually ignored.

 

And now my daughter did not even want me at her recital.

 

I'm certain this post is also being ignored. I'm now climbing back into my hole.

Edited December 14, 2011 by Linda in TX

[Guest]

No one on here is ignoring your post... it just takes a little while to get replies sometimes! :grouphug:

 

I am wondering if the lady at the recital is shy and didn't want to be presumptuous and sit next to you.

[WeeBeaks]

:grouphug: One of those weeks, huh? I have no advice, but didn't want you think I ignored you after reading it!

[mama25angels]

No one on here is ignoring your post... it just takes a little while to get replies sometimes! :grouphug:

 

I am wondering if the lady at the recital is shy and didn't want to be presumptuous and sit next to you.

 

:iagree: and :grouphug: post a poll or something, lol. Polls are always welcome and a good way to get people posting.

[Starr]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. Don't get worked up about the board. That happens to me too. I think I just don't know how to word the titles. I'm sorry about your dd - that stinks. :( Invite someone new to coffee.

[butterflymommy]

My posts are hardly ever responded to either... I don't think it's anything personal. :grouphug:

[LinRTX]

My daughter is not shy -- the total opposite. She actually lied and told me it was at another time when I had another commitment. I have been going to her voice recitals since she was 12 and traveled all over the state with her so she could compete vocally. She sings quite well. She just did not want me there for some reason. We have been having some problems with this child lately anyway. I thought they were being resolved. This was like a kick in the stomach -- a hard one.

[elegantlion]

My daughter is not shy -- the total opposite. She actually lied and told me it was at another time when I had another commitment. I have been going to her voice recitals since she was 12 and traveled all over the state with her so she could compete vocally. She sings quite well. She just did not want me there for some reason. We have been having some problems with this child lately anyway. I thought they were being resolved. This was like a kick in the stomach -- a hard one.

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry.

[Pretty in Pink]

:grouphug:

[Rhonda in TX]

I'm so sorry. I know what you're going through to some extent. We finally left a church we'd been at for years because we were so tired of being ignored. It's awful. {{hugs}} I'm especially sorry for what your daughter did. That's got to be incredibly painful. :(

[Meriwether]

:grouphug:

[Vicki]

I'm sorry. I would have talked to you if I were there. I'll be praying that today will an encouraging day for you with lots of interaction.

God bless,

Vicki

[jasar31629]

My daughter is not shy -- the total opposite. She actually lied and told me it was at another time when I had another commitment. I have been going to her voice recitals since she was 12 and traveled all over the state with her so she could compete vocally. She sings quite well. She just did not want me there for some reason. We have been having some problems with this child lately anyway. I thought they were being resolved. This was like a kick in the stomach -- a hard one.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry this happened. I'd be really upset about that too. The other stuff I'm used to...I'm a pretty self-critical introvert (opposite of DH) and I tend to like it when others seek me out. I don't like putting myself out there. Unfortunately you are stuck waiting then for someone to do exactly that. I probably would have been the lady at your church who walked by...I feel presumptuous when I park myself next to someone I'm not good friends with.

 

Hope your week gets better and you can resolve the issue with your dd quickly. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Danestress]

Have you asked her why she lied to you and why she didn't want you there. Maybe if you knew her reasons, it might hurt less. Even though the reason might not make it "ok" in your mind, it might still help if you heard it. For example, maybe she feels her singing is a bit off right now, and she only wants you to hear her sound great because she wants to please you ....

[oldskool]

Relationships with kids can be so painful sometimes. Looking back I know that I hurt my mother in many ways. Unfortunately, it just takes time to mature into seeing things a different way. I am just glad my mom stuck it out with me and had the patience to wait for me to grow up. In many ways it has taken having my own kids to see that this parenting thing is not all that easy and mothers are not perfect. Not sure what else to say, but :grouphug:.

 

Lesley

[mommaduck]

Well, not only have I been feeling invisible to everyone around me, but I just now found out that my daughter intentionally told me the wrong time for her first college recital so I could not go.

 

So far this week;

 

Tried to talk to someone at a children's ministry I work with (we both had down time) -- she couldn't talk to me because she was too busy texting (in a chatting way) someone else

 

Went to my younger daughter's choir recital. Was the first to arrive and sat down. Someone from my church came soon after and walked right by me to sit alone in a row three in front of me, so no possibility of turning around to talk even.

 

Every post I make on these boards is virtually ignored.

 

And now my daughter did not even want me at her recital.

 

I'm certain this post is also being ignored. I'm now climbing back into my hole.

:grouphug: There are times where I will post on a thread and the majority of posts will get quoted and directly responded to, except mine. It's happens. This is a very large board and it can be easy to get lost in the shuffle. Don't take it personally.

 

Now, as to your daughter...why not?! My mother never went to anything of mine and I would have loved for her to have gone!

[Guest]

My daughter is not shy -- the total opposite. She actually lied and told me it was at another time when I had another commitment. I have been going to her voice recitals since she was 12 and traveled all over the state with her so she could compete vocally. She sings quite well. She just did not want me there for some reason. We have been having some problems with this child lately anyway. I thought they were being resolved. This was like a kick in the stomach -- a hard one.

 

I was referring to the lady at the recital that sat a few rows ahead of you. Maybe she was too shy to sit near you? That may not even be what you were talking about, though. :tongue_smilie:

[Paintedlady]

Sorry you're feeling invisible. I think we all feel that way at times. :grouphug:

[MBM]

:grouphug:

 

I could see all three of my kids doing that at some point or another. Could you have a talk with her and let her know how that made you feel and why she did that? Sometimes kids just get weirdly, irrationally overly sensitive.

 

[OLG]

:grouphug: Sorry.

 

Sometimes I find myself overly sensitive around the holidays and where I could normally just let things roll, I am now more affected by others' behavior. Try to let it roll .... be the duck!

[Miss Peregrine]

My daughter is not shy -- the total opposite. She actually lied and told me it was at another time when I had another commitment. I have been going to her voice recitals since she was 12 and traveled all over the state with her so she could compete vocally. She sings quite well. She just did not want me there for some reason. We have been having some problems with this child lately anyway. I thought they were being resolved. This was like a kick in the stomach -- a hard one.

Was she testing you to see if the other commitment is more important to you?( not that it is but maybe she perceives it that way)

[JudoMom]

My daughter is not shy -- the total opposite. She actually lied and told me it was at another time when I had another commitment. I have been going to her voice recitals since she was 12 and traveled all over the state with her so she could compete vocally. She sings quite well. She just did not want me there for some reason. We have been having some problems with this child lately anyway. I thought they were being resolved. This was like a kick in the stomach -- a hard one.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Kathleen in VA]

My daughter is not shy -- the total opposite. She actually lied and told me it was at another time when I had another commitment. I have been going to her voice recitals since she was 12 and traveled all over the state with her so she could compete vocally. She sings quite well. She just did not want me there for some reason. We have been having some problems with this child lately anyway. I thought they were being resolved. This was like a kick in the stomach -- a hard one.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Young people can be very thoughtless - VERY thoughtless. I'd be hurt too if I were you. She'll regret it someday, hopefully sooner rather than later. In the meantime, give her the leeway to be a thoughtless young adult (haven't we all been there to some degree or another?) and just show her as much love and grace as you can. Try very hard not to make too much of it - it really is her problem (lack of maturity) and she will grow out of it, especially if you model the kindness you would have liked to have received.

 

As far as this board goes, lots of my threads and posts get ignored too. I, too, think it has to do with the titles sometimes and other times folks just read, smile, nod in agreement or shake their heads in disgust but don't take time to respond because they are too busy or feel like others have said what they would've said so why bother.

 

As far as friends IRL, I have felt like you do. I've gone to the same church for 25 years. Monday was my birthday and I ended up picking dd19 up from choir practice. I was early so went inside and visited with some ladies in the nursing mothers room. My son's mil was there and later I saw dil - neither one remembered it was my birthday. They still haven't called to say Happy Birthday. Ds23 called on Tuesday to say he was sorry he didn't call Monday and Ds24 hasn't called either. I could take all this and make a big deal out of it and sit and stew - but what good would that do? I know all these people are super busy right now and they did not intentionally forget my birthday. Besides, how many dozens of other people's birthdays have I let slip by unnoticed - I shudder to think.

 

I also have felt like I was invisible here at home and at church. I'm learning that I need to reach out to others. There are, no doubt, many women who feel the way I do and are just waiting to have someone come up and ask how they are doing. The times when I've rallied the nerve to walk up and say hi to someone else I have been very blessed. It's scary to be sure, but I'm always glad when I'm able to do it.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[SorrelZG]

:grouphug:

[CanaryMelody]

Well, not only have I been feeling invisible to everyone around me, but I just now found out that my daughter intentionally told me the wrong time for her first college recital so I could not go.

 

So far this week;

 

Tried to talk to someone at a children's ministry I work with (we both had down time) -- she couldn't talk to me because she was too busy texting (in a chatting way) someone else

 

Went to my younger daughter's choir recital. Was the first to arrive and sat down. Someone from my church came soon after and walked right by me to sit alone in a row three in front of me, so no possibility of turning around to talk even.

 

Every post I make on these boards is virtually ignored.

 

And now my daughter did not even want me at her recital.

 

I'm certain this post is also being ignored. I'm now climbing back into my hole.

 

 

:grouphug: I feel this way on almost every point of your post (except I don't have a college age daughter) on pretty much a day-to-day basis. :grouphug:

[bcnlvr]

nm

Edited December 14, 2011 by bcnlvr
nm

[Jen in PA]

:grouphug:

[Night Elf]

Oh Linda, that is indeed sad. Please feel better. And shame on your dd for telling you the wrong time. That was so rude! :grouphug:

[mama2cntrykids]

:grouphug::grouphug: I think we ALL feel that way sometimes. I know that I do!

[NanceXToo]

:grouphug: not ignoring you!

[justasque]

For moms with busy kids, this is an insane time of year. Moms heads are filled with all kinds of details - Jane needs a pair of pink tights for the Holiday Show/Nutcracker, but it has to be Bloch "Pink", not Bloch "Light Pink", because the "Pink" is lighter than the "Light Pink". The Pollyanna gift has to be wrapped by tomorrow, which is going to be hard because it hasn't been purchased yet. Relatives coming from out of town to see John's band concert, they will need their tickets but because of car pool juggling mom won't be able to connect with them before the show. What to do about that? Teacher gifts. Online purchases. Cookie baking. Laundry. Yikes, little Timmy needs a white shirt for his Chorus concert and mom thought he had one but now it's too small! When to fit that errand in?!

 

That mom who walked right past you at the choir rehearsal? She probably didn't even see you because her head was filled with chaos. The mom who was texting? May have seen her dh for a total of three hours over the past week, or may have been checking in with a relative who needed a cheery pick-me-up because of holiday stress.

 

Don't take it personally. It probably has nothing at all to do with you.

 

The thing with your daughter needs to be puzzled out. Let the rest go.

[catz]

You know, when I was younger, I often felt this way. But I'm actually a bunch happier moving through life assuming people are not malicious in their intent. Maybe the lady texting has very poor social skills or was texting about something important. Maybe they lady at your daughter's choir recital's dog just died. You just don't know the background or context those other people are operating from. Assume it's not you, until someone consistently treats you poorly. Those people I then actively avoid. At that point, it's their problem. Maybe they're a narcissist or self involved or just plain rude. I think during this season, people do get stuck in their ruts and world.

 

And definitely don't take anything personally that happens on a board. Posts fly by so fast and the popular ones keep getting posted to the top which feeds on itself.

 

I am sorry about your daughter though! :grouphug: I'd definitely let her know she hurt your feelings.

[UmMusa]

For moms with busy kids, this is an insane time of year. Moms heads are filled with all kinds of details - Jane needs a pair of pink tights for the Holiday Show/Nutcracker, but it has to be Bloch "Pink", not Bloch "Light Pink", because the "Pink" is lighter than the "Light Pink". The Pollyanna gift has to be wrapped by tomorrow, which is going to be hard because it hasn't been purchased yet. Relatives coming from out of town to see John's band concert, they will need their tickets but because of car pool juggling mom won't be able to connect with them before the show. What to do about that? Teacher gifts. Online purchases. Cookie baking. Laundry. Yikes, little Timmy needs a white shirt for his Chorus concert and mom thought he had one but now it's too small! When to fit that errand in?!

 

That mom who walked right past you at the choir rehearsal? She probably didn't even see you because her head was filled with chaos. The mom who was texting? May have seen her dh for a total of three hours over the past week, or may have been checking in with a relative who needed a cheery pick-me-up because of holiday stress.

 

Don't take it personally. It probably has nothing at all to do with you.

 

The thing with your daughter needs to be puzzled out. Let the rest go.

:iagree:

 

But because we're all frazzled and have our heads full of chaos, I feel like we're losing touch with being friendly with others. Hopefully you don't take it all too personally.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug:

[Desert Rat]

:grouphug: You're not invisible.

[DaffodilDreams]

The thing with your daughter needs to be puzzled out. Let the rest go.

 

This was my first thought. My priority would be figuring out WHY she didn't want me there. Hopefully, though, it was all a misunderstanding and she really did just make a mistake with the time.

[angela in ohio]

That's what I hate about texting. Everyone crawls inside their phones, and the ability to connect to others is lost. :glare:

 

:grouphug:

[ma23peas]

I'm here! I'm here!!!

 

Looks like you need some cheering up and a few laughs!!

 

Well for the laughs, I have to go to Tim Hawkins!! Once you see this video and if you're not familiar with him, search for his videos on raising teenagers and being asked to sing at a friend's wedding...we can not stop howling at his antics and words!!

 

 

That is hurtful what your daughter did...I would ask her out to a movie/dinner if she can find the time and not go all into how it hurt you, but tell her that you are so proud of her and (be careful not to lay the guilt or feel sorry for me bit) you are there for her if she ever needs anything...kids even college kids can be very insensitive...but we can set the better example by sucking it up and displaying the type of behavior we'd like from them...it is soooo hard but worth it in the long run! We sometimes have to quell our (rightful) Eeyore mentality and put on a hoppy Roo face...before you know it, pretending turns into actuality....exercise helps me 'self-adjust' when all I want to do is curl up or tell someone exactly what I'm feeling. If your daughter has that attitude, going off on her and telling her how insensitive she is will only build resentment, because she's not working on her 'the world's not about me' gene. Reverse psychology and do what they do not expect...always works around here! :) The main thing, is whatever you do, do it out of love, not out of hurt/proving a point.

 

You just need to play some strong Aretha Franklin songs to empower your amazing talents and get some confidence! Don't wither away, if someone sits 3 rows away, go and talk to them! Feel good about yourself when everything around you is trying to convince you otherwise...a great saying I've always fallen back on is "Don't let the turkeys get you down!" :) Once one or two turkeys hit us we assume every other interaction will be turkeyish...not fair to you or them....now go watch that video! :)

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

My daughter is not shy -- the total opposite. She actually lied and told me it was at another time when I had another commitment. I have been going to her voice recitals since she was 12 and traveled all over the state with her so she could compete vocally. She sings quite well. She just did not want me there for some reason. We have been having some problems with this child lately anyway. I thought they were being resolved. This was like a kick in the stomach -- a hard one.

[Sue in WI]

:grouphug:Sorry about your daughter. Hope you have a better day.

[PollyOR]

Relationships with kids can be so painful sometimes. Looking back I know that I hurt my mother in many ways. Unfortunately, it just takes time to mature into seeing things a different way. I am just glad my mom stuck it out with me and had the patience to wait for me to grow up. In many ways it has taken having my own kids to see that this parenting thing is not all that easy and mothers are not perfect. Not sure what else to say, but :grouphug:.

 

Lesley

 

:iagree:

[Momof3littles]

I read and I'm paying attention :grouphug: I'm sorry that you are hurting.

[SailorMom]

Your daughter is normal - we all have issues with our moms at some point in time. She'll grow out of it.

Instead of being hurt or angry, perhaps you should just ask her to be honest with you from now on if she wants you to stay home.

My DS (the one in high school) knows he can always tell me when he wants me to stay away, and we have a better relationship for it.

 

As for all the rest - generally people are busy with their own lives. You may feel it is directed at you, or rude, but I highly doubt that was the intent. Walking around hurt by such minor actions by others is not helping you, or anyone else.

[BamaTanya]

Linda, I'm sorry you're hurting. I hope the people you're encountering are just thoughtless and not malicious. And even if they aren't, I hope you'll find a way to let it roll off your back.

 

I remember being a teen. I loved my mom. She was wonderful. But I found lots of reasons to argue with her. Clothes, hair, where to go, who to go with . . . probably lots of other things, too.

 

I vividly remember when she accompanied my class on an out of town trip. She was that kind of mom. She was there for us.

 

And, on that trip, somehow --- I have no idea how I said it --- somehow I made it known that I didn't want her to be in our hotel room. My friends loved my mom and didn't understand why I said it. :confused:

 

I am mortified now. Actually, I was mortified then, but the words had been spoken, and she stayed in the room with some other kids. I tried to take it back . . . but I couldn't undo it.

 

I remember what I was thinking: I wanted some independence. My friends' parents had sent them on the trip and weren't around to watch their every move. I wanted to be like them.

 

Looking back, I hurt to remember how selfish I was. How could I have treated my mother like that??? I'm certain it hurt her feelings. She wasn't on the trip for her own vacation -- she was there because of me.

 

I had fun with my friends on the trip. We didn't get into any trouble. My mom wasn't "in my hair."

 

I wish I hadn't been selfish, but I was. And I was a pretty good kid. Who can explain the nonsense of those young brains?

 

I wonder how many other times I've hurt other people because I was thinking of myself and not thinking of how my words or actions might affect others . . . Probably a thousand times more than I know. :glare:

 

My dh thinks I'm naive, but I've decided to assume people don't mean it personally when they're rude or mean. That it doesn't reflect on me. That I shouldn't give them the power to change my mood or ruin my day.

 

:grouphug: I am sorry you're feeling alone.

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Tiramisu]

I'm sorry these sad things are going on in your life. I hope you get some resolution soon, especially with your dd.

 

The world is such a busy, hectic place and we (ME!) often confuse our priorities.

 

I wonder if it would help to reach out to someone who is sick or lonely right now.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[In the Rain]

I hope your dd's answer about the recital will make you feel better. :grouphug: Try not to let the other things bug you. They happen to all of us. :grouphug:

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

:grouphug:

Having a child tell you directly or indirectly they do not want you to be a part of their life is heartbreaking. I have no advice, but do know your pain.

:grouphug: