Laughing and Crying...

[LisaKinVA]

:smilielol5:A month ago, we called my in-laws to ask them to change their plans for Thanksgiving and NOT come, because we didn't know if we would even be IN the house (due to delays, mostly involving dh's job preventing him from working on the house).

 

MIL said they wanted to come anyway, and would stay at a hotel if necessary....blah, blah, blah. This "they" included my MIL/FIL, BIL #1, BIL #2, his wife, and 3 daughters. All planning to stay at our new house. I told her the showers weren't done... the flooring wasn't in... we're only half-packed. The new house is still dirty... the stove needs to be repaired (defective part)... She would say, "I'm sorry this has been so stressful for you..." :tongue_smilie:

 

I've talked to her a couple of times and told her that we kept hitting snags in plans, and had no idea when we would be moving... talked to her most recently on Wednesday. She told me that they were just going to "be flexible," and do whatever needed to be done. She then proceeded to inform me that they were planning on bringing two griddles, so that we would have enough griddles to make all of the pancakes at one time, so everyone could sit down together for a meal.

 

I told my dh that it is OBVIOUS his mother hasn't gotten the message, because she is under some impression that everyone is going to be able to have some sort of sit-down dinner (I'm sorry, but in my world, you don't do sit-down, family-style dinners for more than 10 people... unless you have a caterer and servers!!), otherwise it's buffet, sit where you can. He thought she understood... but was just "being mom." :tongue_smilie:

 

So anyhow, dh talks to BIL #2 and tells him the situation. BIL wigs out a bit and calls MIL, who then calls dh and says, "You don't have working showers yet?" "I didn't realize you hadn't moved in." "What do you mean you only have a table for 6? How are we supposed to have Thanksgiving?" :lol:

 

MIL/FIL are leaving tomorrow and will arrive on Sunday. Meanwhile, I have NOT been able to finish my own family's laundry or pack, let alone clean my mom's house, my brother's bathroom or wash/clean the guest room. I am STILL trying to work with dh to get the showers finished. :glare:

 

So, tomorrow, we're working another 15 hour day at the house. Sunday, we are going to do massive amounts of cleaning/packing/taking stuff to the house and on Monday (when BIL#2 and family arrive), we're taking the first truck with mattresses and pretty much everything except the big furniture)... Tuesday (when BIL #1 arrives), we're taking the second truck with the big furniture.

 

Did I mention that the hardwood isn't even in yet? The flooring installer got sick and wasn't able to finish. He promised that he'd be done by Tuesday.

 

And the stove still doesn't work, but should be fixed (assuming Sears shows up) on Tuesday.

 

Yes, my dh's family is so very crazy, they make mine look sane.

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

I'm crying for you!

[ZooRho]

WAHOOOO.

I'd be excited to have that extra help.

 

I'd have a job chart up with everyones name up there with the job they can do to help with finishing the house and moving in.

 

 

 

 

I'm really sorry that sounds so stinking stressful.

[ChristusG]

They're still coming??? I think I'd have to say HECK NO!

[kalanamak]

I think I'd go for a drive and have "car trouble" and an uncharged phone at the same time.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Wow.

 

I'd be tempted to tell everyone that we are going to Denny's (Lenny's), Bob's Big Boy, or whatever is open on Thanksgiving. :001_smile:

[LaxMom]

Oh. My. Word.

 

You are my hero just for being able to consider laughing as a possibility.

[Myeightkiddies]

I really don't understand why people are so insensitive or just plan rude (or dumb). If someone (anyone..not just family) told me all of that I would have immediately told them that we weren't going to come and bother them (unless we were coming for the sole purpose of helping them with all that work). It is absurd to expect someone to do dinner with all that happening. Even if something great happened and the house was ready on Sunday, I would still insist on not coming because that family deserved a break to rest.

[Jen in PA]

Oh. My. Word.

 

You are my hero just for being able to consider laughing as a possibility.

 

:iagree::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You just made everyone else's holiday seem so easy!

[WTMCassandra]

I think I'd go for a drive and have "car trouble" and an uncharged phone at the same time.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Seriously, though, either they help you move in, or they stay home. Thanksgiving dinner can be their treat at a restaurant. Good grief.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

 

Seriously, though, either they help you move in, or they stay home. Thanksgiving dinner can be their treat at a restaurant. Good grief.

 

:iagree:

[Stacy in NJ]

No. Just no.

 

You, not your dh, need to call them. Tell them it is not going to happen. It's too much stress and will be way too uncomfortable for everyone involved.

 

Please, as a favor to me, don't come. Period.

[Carol in Cal.]

Don't put in the hardwood. They will scuff it all up forever, and you will cry for years. Just leave it plywood. Let them see what you're really up against. Trust me on this one. No hardwood Tuesday and guests Thursday. That's a very bad idea. No way.

[ZooRho]

Don't put in the hardwood. They will scuff it all up forever, and you will cry for years. Just leave it plywood. Let them see what you're really up against. Trust me on this one. No hardwood Tuesday and guests Thursday. That's a very bad idea. No way.

I really do agree with many other.

 

yep I really would have dh call and say NOPE NO WAY,

[OrganicAnn]

Um only if they all stay at a motel and they take you out and buy you a nice Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant. I'm sure you remember that they promised you this (wink, wink). Yes of course they are paying for everyone since it was there idea to come visit. And I do mean a NICE Thanksgiving dinner.

[Harriet Vane]

Don't put in the hardwood. They will scuff it all up forever, and you will cry for years. Just leave it plywood. Let them see what you're really up against. Trust me on this one. No hardwood Tuesday and guests Thursday. That's a very bad idea. No way.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Osmosis Mom]

I understand the frustration, but why don't you just treat like them family and accept they'll be there and will most likely want to help you unpack and settle in? I mean, they'll probably feel upset themselves when they see the situation and helping you out would make them feel better and might even bring everyone closer.

[LisaKinVA]

I understand the frustration, but why don't you just treat like them family and accept they'll be there and will most likely want to help you unpack and settle in? I mean, they'll probably feel upset themselves when they see the situation and helping you out would make them feel better and might even bring everyone closer.

 

This is the attitude I'm trying to have... but if past "help" is any indication, we'll be doing things twice (or I will do it... and a particular someone will come behind me and "fix" it... because obviously, a 42yo woman with 5 children can't possibly know how to put things away where they go!).

 

If I can keep everyone moving boxes to the rooms they go into... putting on doors/cabinet doors... assembling shelving... and painting I'll be fine. Now, if I can just stop her from running out to Costco and buying those 8' lifetime tables (she can buy chairs and barstools... but not those tables I want the wood-type, not plastic they are just better for what I need them for). We have one 6' folding table, our dining set, and can make another 6 or 8' table out of sawhorses and left over MDF (throw a table cloth over it). But still... it's going to be a buffett (assuming the stove gets fixed. Otherwise, we are going OUT.)

 

I'm stressed... yes. I'm laughing because my MIL just sounded sooo surprised. I'm crying because I'm laughing kinda hard AND stressed AND tired (we're putting in 15 hours at the house today, and doing some marathon cleaning/laundry/packing/moving 2-3 mini-van loads tomorrow). Monday is more packing and moving, and Tuesday we finish up moving the furniture and taking stuff to the dump (the dump will be first, assuming the flooring is in. My kids have already scratched the hardwood dragging a trash bag through the foyer... I'm glad we have the rustic-look :tongue_smilie:)

 

Thanks for the hugs. I may need to go get some Vodka to go with the sour mix...and I certainly will need it by next Saturday when everyone has gone. :D

[BarbecueMom]

I think we need a sticky thread for all holiday-related family rants. Every time I get on here thinking I need to vent, I find that someone else is dealing with something (someone?) even more ridiculous. :001_smile:

 

I think a Cracker Barrel Thanksgiving is in order for your family. Or at least for the in-laws. :grouphug:

[Ewe Mama]

Well, you can definitely say it will be a very memorable Thanksgiving!

 

 

:grouphug: for you and praying that it will work out and that you really will be able to laugh over it all.

[Halftime Hope]

Don't put in the hardwood. They will scuff it all up forever, and you will cry for years. Just leave it plywood. Let them see what you're really up against. Trust me on this one. No hardwood Tuesday and guests Thursday. That's a very bad idea. No way.

 

Resists urge to agree in all capital letters. What Carol said is absolutely true. Go ahead and move in. The flooring installers can and will be glad to move furniture as needed when they install the flooring LATER. If a trash bag scratched the floor, people acting without thinking, or in haste, will wreak havoc on it.

 

There is nothing wrong with a good, clean plywood floor or even a good, clean slab. This will be a great memory of all your family pitching in together, helping. You enjoy their extra hands and the extra muscle, and the sweet memory of "making do" together. Kinda like the proverbial family canoe trip, but without the suncreen, gnats, and mosquitoes. ;)

 

About the meal, as the hostess, I would draw the line at a Thanksgiving Meal. Just say no way, no how, and either go out or order in a meal from the grocery store or Boston Market, if something like that is possible. Everyone will live. it's about what you've done together, not about the food. The folks coming can bring something completely premade if they have to have "their" recipe.

 

Best wishes!

[Remudamom]

Work your mil's butt off and take her to McDonald's for lunch.

[unsinkable]

Wow.

 

I'd be tempted to tell everyone that we are going to Denny's (Lenny's), Bob's Big Boy, or whatever is open on Thanksgiving. :001_smile:

 

cracker barrel!

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Lisbeth]

Am I just really mean? I would've said, bluntly, to everyone, "NO you are not coming." Period. And I would've repeated it to everyone, several times if necessary. Ugh! They seem so rude!! I honestly don't give family a pass on rudeness. Being family doesn't mean you can walk all over me!

 

If they do come I have to agree with the others who said - don't put in the floors until they leave. Don't ruin your beautiful floors over this!

 

Major hugs to you.

[happyhomemaker]

 

Seriously, though, either they help you move in, or they stay home. Thanksgiving dinner can be their treat at a restaurant. Good grief.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Desert Rat]

Wow! You have some interesting in-laws. Good luck!

[LisaKinVA]

Well, you can definitely say it will be a very memorable Thanksgiving!

 

So memorable, in fact... no one will ever want to come back! :lol:

 

We have internet at the new house! We're saved! Whoo-Hoo! Now, I have to get back to those showers... must finish the showers....Tile...Tile...Tile. I'm not even going to worry about feeding anyone until after those showers are done. I'm more concerned about a houseful of stinky...Domino's Delivers after all!:D

[Susan in TN]

Can you borrow a couple of tents to set up in the front yard? Might scare 'em away before they even get out of the car. :lol:

[LittleIzumi]

Resists urge to agree in all capital letters. What Carol said is absolutely true. Go ahead and move in. The flooring installers can and will be glad to move furniture as needed when they install the flooring LATER. If a trash bag scratched the floor, people acting without thinking, or in haste, will wreak havoc on it.

 

There is nothing wrong with a good, clean plywood floor or even a good, clean slab. This will be a great memory of all your family pitching in together, helping. You enjoy their extra hands and the extra muscle, and the sweet memory of "making do" together. Kinda like the proverbial family canoe trip, but without the suncreen, gnats, and mosquitoes. ;)

 

About the meal, as the hostess, I would draw the line at a Thanksgiving Meal. Just say no way, no how, and either go out or order in a meal from the grocery store or Boston Market, if something like that is possible. Everyone will live. it's about what you've done together, not about the food. The folks coming can bring something completely premade if they have to have "their" recipe.

 

Best wishes!

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: NO hardwood floors yet and a Cracker Barrel Thanksgiving!

 

Can you borrow a couple of tents to set up in the front yard? Might scare 'em away before they even get out of the car. :lol:

 

:lol::lol:

[Jackie in AR]

No. Just no.

 

You, not your dh, need to call them. Tell them it is not going to happen. It's too much stress and will be way too uncomfortable for everyone involved.

 

Please, as a favor to me, don't come. Period.

 

:iagree:

[LizzyBee]

When I got to the griddles and pancakes part, I thought mil understood the situation, and was saying, hey, we'll have pancakes for T'giving dinner since the stove's broken. That's what we'd do in my family. They'd come, help with moving, eat whatever is doable, sleep wherever - in sleeping bags, if necessary. But I grew up in a large family on a farm, and we tend to have an attitude of flexibility and the more the merrier. I can't imagine anyone expecting you to cook a big sit down dinner in the midst of a move. I completely agree with the Cracker Barrel idea if there's one near you.

[coralloyd]

Oh my! Do not under any circumstance use that stove, fixed or not! No, no ,no! Definitely go out for the meal. You do not deserve or need the stress of cooking and clean up, with all that craziness around you.

[DarlaS]

Can you borrow a couple of tents to set up in the front yard? Might scare 'em away before they even get out of the car. :lol:

 

I like the way you think. :D

 

Floors can and should wait until all the heavy work is done. That includes everything but trimwork in my opinion.

 

And definitely no way would I have anyone but licensed insured pros painting after the floors were in.

[Teachin'Mine]

Oh my ... they clearly have a problem with the word "no". :svengo:

 

I'd be doing this :banghead: and be running around like this :willy_nilly: and would be awfully tempted to be doing this :leaving: and packing everyone in the house and leaving like this :auto: so that when they showed up for their visit they'd be looking like this :001_huh: and instead, you've managed to do this? :smilielol5: I am truly impressed!!!!!! :lol:

[AHASRADA]

I really don't understand why people are so insensitive or just plan rude (or dumb). If someone (anyone..not just family) told me all of that I would have immediately told them that we weren't going to come and bother them (unless we were coming for the sole purpose of helping them with all that work). It is absurd to expect someone to do dinner with all that happening. Even if something great happened and the house was ready on Sunday, I would still insist on not coming because that family deserved a break to rest.

 

:iagree:, but alas, my SIL is like this. You have to tell her flat out "No", otherwise, she doesn't get it. FWIW, she has had guests at her house (staying for several weeks, mind you) who arrived the day after she moved!! and she just rolls with it, so perhaps she expects me to do the same. Not!

 

As soon as you realized your MIL wasn't "getting it", with the "it must be so stressful" comment, you should have had dh talk to her. Now she finally gets it, but it's a bit late for them to be changing plans. Now I'm sure it seems to her that you "invited" them to a Thanksgiving dinner you weren't going to be capable of hosting! :tongue_smilie:

 

Since you are in this situation, I would suggest you inform them that, unfortunately the house won't be in a state to host guests, as you had hoped, and Thanksgiving will be held in a restaurant. Done.

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug: You will have certainly will have stories after this Thanksgiving. Good luck!

[LittleIzumi]

And the "hotel if necessary" most certainly IS necessary.

[Impish]

Work your mil's butt off and take her to McDonald's for lunch.

:iagree: I was thinking McDs for dinner for everyone.

Can you borrow a couple of tents to set up in the front yard? Might scare 'em away before they even get out of the car. :lol:

Looooooooooove it!

[sassenach]

What about having them stay at a hotel that has a kitchen (extended stay style) and having thanksgiving dinner there? Email everyone an "I have a plan" type email. Include links to the hotel, lists of how they can help at the house, and something like, "I'll buy the bird and drop it off at the hotel on Wed. Let me know if there's anything else I can bring by. Can't wait for the extra help at the house!"

[zaichiki]

I will do it... and a particular someone will come behind me and "fix" it... because obviously, a 42yo woman with 5 children can't possibly know how to put things away where they go!

 

 

This is *my* mother in law. She wants to decide where everything in my house belongs -- and we've been moved in a for a LONG time.

 

Dh says she's "old" and "set in her ways" and "just humor her and let her put the dishes where she wants them while she's here."

 

I say: "No. It's obvious that he glasses belong on this shelf. All the other glasses are already here. ANYone could follow that pattern. No. I don't want some plates on each of the 6 shelves and spices in with the glasses. The spices should all go together on one shelf and the plates should all be together. No. I *like* those pots and pans with the other pots and pans in the cupboard --not in my oven! Just tell her to let ME put away the dishes for goodness sakes!" (I've told her MANY MANY times over the years. I've asked nicely. I've explained that it would just make me happier if she could let me do it. I've explained the pattern -- if she really would like to help... nothing works. She doesn't ever seem to remember these conversations. I've also tried yelling and having a tantrum. That didn't work either. Now she just thinks I'm crazy! :lol:

[zaichiki]

Now I'm sure it seems to her that you "invited" them to a Thanksgiving dinner you weren't going to be capable of hosting! :tongue_smilie:

 

My m-i-l likes to spin things this way, too.

I wonder if they know each other.

[Twigs]

Oh my ... they clearly have a problem with the word "no". :svengo:

 

I'd be doing this :banghead: and be running around like this :willy_nilly: and would be awfully tempted to be doing this :leaving: and packing everyone in the house and leaving like this :auto: so that when they showed up for their visit they'd be looking like this :001_huh: and instead' date=' you've managed to do this? :smilielol5: I am truly impressed!!!!!! :lol:[/quote']

 

I like the way you write!

[LisaKinVA]

UPDATE: MIL/FIL will arrive tomorrow around noon (they are driving a good distance.) MIL is now saying things to the effect of, "if you had just made it more clear."

 

Ummm... I'm a bit confused. How UNclear is, "We don't think we should do Thanksgiving this year... Lisa is freaking out, because we haven't moved yet, and we don't even know if the house will be READY by Thanksgiving?" :confused:

 

My FIL said HE understood. Course DH didn't say all of that yelling and screaming, maybe that was the issue? :lol:

 

The hall shower just needs a shower rod and a curtain... and a good cleaning, and it's ready to use. The master shower on the other hand... we still have a good 8 hours of tiling, plus a couple hours of grouting before it will be usable. At least the grout in the master shower is self-sealing!