Does anyone else find all the pregnancy threads hard to deal with?

[NanceXToo]

I'm sorry. I kind of feel like a jerk even saying it. I really don't blame anyone for posting about their pregnancies. If I were still pregnant, I would, too. If and when I get pregnant again, I am sure I will again.

 

But after having to end an ectopic pregnancy this summer, that I REALLY wanted, and just reaching the point where I can try again but worrying about how it will go due to my age, this past m/c and so on, it's still hard for me to read all the threads about pregnancy and doctor appointments and baby names and symptoms and so on. It seems like there are tons of them here lately. Or maybe I just notice them more now.

 

I kind of wish there was a separate board here on this forum for discussing pregnancy and infancy and even toddlerhood- all the "pre-homeschooling" stages so to speak. Then I could go there when I was excited to do so, and could avoid it during the time when it's just, well, kind of hurtful. Or irrelevant to me. Or whatever.

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Again, I REALLY don't mean that people shouldn't post about these things. I'm just feeling kind of down, I guess. Other family stresses currently going on in my life don't help.

 

Anyone else in the same boat?

Edited September 25, 2011 by NanceXToo

[pfamilygal]

We had serial miscarriages and I felt that way too. I'm sorry :grouphug:.

[....]

:grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

So many of my friends have had babies over the last year, and very close friends had a baby a couple weeks ago. It is very painful, because I really, really want another one. DH had a vasectomy after #2, at my request, and now I really, truly regret it. And dh doesn't want to adopt because at age 52, he feels too old. :sad:

 

I'm sorry that you are feeling sad and upset. I know it feels ridiculous to be jealous of other people's posts, but sometimes you can't help it. :grouphug:

[Nakia]

We are done for sure and happy about that decision, but I have totally been where you are. I know how bad it hurts and how much it sucks to feel irritated by other people's happiness and then kick yourself for feeling that way. I am so sorry, Nance. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[nono]

Hey, I've never wanted to birth a baby and yes, the quantity can get on my nerves sometimes. I can't imagine how I'd feel in your position.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Snickerdoodle]

Sorry about your loss and current stresses. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

Sometimes. We have fertility problems. There will never be another child no matter how much we want one. It has taken me a long time to be able to read threads about pregnancy and new babies. So yeah, I get what you are talking about.

 

Hopefully though you will be able to get pregnant again and carry to term. :grouphug:

[creativish]

:grouphug:

[alpidarkomama]

We had several miscarriages too. (It's now 3-1/2 years and 2 adoptions later!) When it's fresh it is harder to read posts about other people's joys. I think your eye is just noticing those posts more. Huge hugs. I know how hard it is. :grouphug:

[UmMusa]

I understand your feelings. I delivered a stillborn girl at 5months, and I couldn't be around this one pregnant friend of mine for a while. You'll run into reminders of pain all the time. Try to control your mind about it... it's hard, I know.

[duckens]

I kind of wish there was a separate board here on this forum for discussing pregnancy and infancy and even toddlerhood- all the "pre-homeschooling" stages so to speak.

 

:iagree: because I am at the pre-homeschooling stage. We do stuff...but technically dd4 will not be K eligible for 11 more months.

 

 

Many, many :grouphug: to you.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. I understand. It's not those threads that have bothered me lately, it's another subject (not telling). I've had to just stay away for a few days here and there.

[Abeille]

:grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I sort of feel like this about some threads around here.....I feel very discouraged sometimes and come here for encouragement....just to get shot down and told I was right.....I really shouldn't be attempting what I attempt...and it is a disservice for my kids.....oy!

 

In really have to learn to stay away from those threads.....or this forum completely...but then again, there are some people here I have truly come to care for and would miss terribly if I took off....sigh.

 

I am sorry you are hurting. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Having a baby die is horrible. I have also lost wee ones...and it still hurts even now.....but we get up and move on...because there really is no alternative.

 

Hoping for a new wee one in your arms...soon. I will be happy to rejoice with you

 

~~Faithe

Edited September 25, 2011 by Mommyfaithe

[Tohru]

:grouphug:

 

I completely understand! My ds was an only for so long and we tried to have another for 10 years. It hurt so bad each time I heard another person was pregnant. Although I was happy for them, it was still very painful for me.

 

Because of the misery I went through those 10 years, I am really sensitive to too much pregnancy talk on forums like this, especially when I know that there are so many women hurting from loss or ttc.

 

And yes, you're right - it does seem like it has been excessive on the boards for the past few months.

 

:grouphug:

[Desert Rat]

I feel for you, Nance. I've been in the place you are in. I really wanted #3. Dh said no. All my friends were getting pregnanct with #3 and they all turned out to be girls (after 2 boys-like me). It hurt so badly. I remember going to a friend's baby shower around that time and every single person there but 2 had girls and they went on and on and on and on about how wonderful daughters are and how blessed she was to be having a girl. It was over the top. I cried all the way home and into the night. I woke up feeling better.

Last year, I mentioned to dh how long it took me to mourn the loss of that never-to-be #3. He looked at me and said, "Hon, I thought you were kidding about having another. If I had known you were serious, I would have had another." A little piece of my heart broke that day. Our kids were already older. I don't want to start again. And we were in the middle of a long layoff. I felt like I had to heal all over again.

I feel for you, Nance. Hang in there.

[delaney]

Yes, even though I am 42, done with babies, and DH had a vasectomy. I would love to have more but 6 was plenty considering I was 40 when I had him. I feel very lucky to have 6 but I still just can't stand that there are, and always will be, people out there still having babies! Silly I know. :grouphug:

[newlifemom]

I understand. I have felt that way many times. I have even felt worse. I can't go into it here, bc really the thoughts are awful. It's hard to be around so much babiness sometimes. I try though, for my friends and for my sanity to be happy for them. On the forum, I don't open threads about pregnancies too often unless I am congratulating an announcement. And honestly, I pray for peace for myself when I deal with them.

 

The first several months after a miss is the hardest for me. The delivery time too. I let myself be sad and even cry a bit. For the first time in a very long time, I have a friend whodelivered about 1 month after my loss. Everytime she sees me, she gives me the baby. It has been good for me.

 

 

I'm sorry for your loss Nance, truly I am.:grouphug:

[PentecostalMom]

We, too, had secondary infertility (hence the large gap in our dc's ages), and then a m/c as well. I do know how it feels, and actually my "dates" are coming close.

 

Everyone is right, the rawness will fade over time, though you will never forget. Prayers and blessings.

 

:grouphug:

[caitlinsmom]

I understand. We can't have kids anymore. Most of the time I am okay with that but sometimes the nagging comes and it makes me sad to see how easily everyone else can. Thats when I get off the computer and spend time with the kiddos I do have otherwise a deep funk will come over me.

 

I get it though and I understand.

[NicAnn]

I'm sorry for your loss. We had a miscarriage several months ago now and have been trying for quite some time with no success.

 

It's difficult for me, because I'm a birth worker and am around babies or pregnant mamas almost every day. I'm thrilled for them, but at the same time pretty upset that it's not happening for us.

[Oakblossoms]

During the 6 years between my third and fourth child...I was in school and thought my life was on a different path. I did not expect to have more kids or even be homeschooling. And, we only used the pull out method:tongue_smilie:

 

But, being around pregnant women and holding babies made me sick to my stomach.

 

I am so sorry for that pain you feel.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I totally understand. Four m/c leave aches despite the kids I do have. And though I'm 48 I still would like more babies. I have a vision of myself getting social security and still wanting a baby. (((hugs)))

[abbeyej]

It's not just here though. It's going to the dentist, turning on the tv, walking through the park, going to the grocery store, reading books... Babies, pregnancy... It's everywhere. Sigh.

 

And sometimes that's just really hard and unfair.

 

And I can simultaneously be delighted for others and also want to go hide under my bed and cry. And cry. And cry.

 

I don't begrudge anyone else their joy and their chance to talk about all aspects of it though. I'm just sad sometimes.

[MariannNOVA]

Nance -- :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am way past the age of having babies, but with my dd 32's two losses these past 11 mos, I even tend to avoid some of those threads -- I don't begrudge anyone their happiness, and I do rejoice with them, but I hear you.

 

www.inciid.org has a loss support board - and if you do a search for October 15 (this year), there is a support event planned across the nation for women who have suffered pregnancy loss.:grouphug:

[Stayseeliz]

I have been there. We went through secondary infertility and had two miscarriages. We actually didn't return to a church we visited because there were families there with 6++ children and it just hurt too much. It's so hard when things aren't easy in the pregnancy department!

[Ginevra]

I'm sorry. I kind of feel like a jerk even saying it. I really don't blame anyone for posting about their pregnancies. If I were still pregnant, I would, too. If and when I get pregnant again, I am sure I will again.

 

But after having to end an ectopic pregnancy this summer, that I REALLY wanted, and just reaching the point where I can try again but worrying about how it will go due to my age, this past m/c and so on, it's still hard for me to read all the threads about pregnancy and doctor appointments and baby names and symptoms and so on. It seems like there are tons of them here lately. Or maybe I just notice them more now.

 

I kind of wish there was a separate board here on this forum for discussing pregnancy and infancy and even toddlerhood- all the "pre-homeschooling" stages so to speak. Then I could go there when I was excited to do so, and could avoid it during the time when it's just, well, kind of hurtful. Or irrelevant to me. Or whatever.

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Again, I REALLY don't mean that people shouldn't post about these things. I'm just feeling kind of down, I guess. Other family stresses currently going on in my life don't help.

 

Anyone else in the same boat?

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to have salt rubbed in that wound. My daughter died at birth 13 hours before my SIL had her living, healthy baby. My other SIL had a baby 3 months later. It was intensely painful to be anywhere with those other babies, knowing my baby belonged in this picture.

 

Having said that, you can always avoid the threads you don't want to read or avoid this board altogether. You could even temporarily put on ignore members here whom you know are pregnant. I quit a forum after I lost my daughter, in part because there was constant talk about babies as blessings and I couldn't take feeling that I was robbed of my blessing.

 

:grouphug: Hoping you have another little one to hold soon.

[Mommy22alyns]

I'm sorry, Nance. :grouphug: They kind of twist at my heart too because I would LOVE another baby, but we are in no financial position to have another. :sad:

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug: I can understand why pregnancy topics would be hard

[jenL]

:grouphug:

[8circles]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Audrey]

Yep. I skip 'em. Not worth it.

[*Lulu*]

:grouphug:

I understand. For two years after DS4 was born I clung to the hope my body would heal enough for another. Then reality hit me around the same time half our homeschool group was announcing pregnancies. It is okay to feel that way, and it is okay to give yourself the time and space you need to heal.

:grouphug:

[tex-mex]

I also tend to skip these posts (i.e. pregnancy related) as I have PCOS and never could get pregnant (except for one time -- my wonderful son!) in the 25 years of marriage. It hurts and I feel a pang in my heart IRL when I see large families and wonder... but am sorry the recent threads are hitting too close to home for you, OP.

 

Is it too much to request a special thread for pregnancies for those mamas to network and share other than this general thread? Much like the High School forum that split into the College Forum? :confused:

[extendedforecast]

I get it. We can't have any more due to health issues. With that door closed I find it hard sometimes to be reminded of that. Im sorry for your loss. :grouphug:

[Aelwydd]

Pregnancy threads bring up bad memories for me. I can participate in them, but they always reinforce for me, why I can't have anymore kids.

[butterflymommy]

Reading or seeing anything related to pregnancy was horrifying after my loss (~17 weeks). I conceived again quickly (this pregnancy) and I still feel a uneasy reading about pregnancy or even writing about it-- though I have posted in a couple of the pregnancy threads here. With my previous pregnancies (pre-loss) I loved finding online due date clubs, joining them, posting, but I haven't done that this time around.

[NanceXToo]

Thanks for the understanding and commiseration! I don't know if anything will come of it, but I PM'd a moderator asking if there was any chance of getting a "pre-homeschooling" forum that consists of a pregnancy board and a parenting infants and toddlers board.

 

I thought it would be nice anyway to have a "home" to discuss that stuff, and to talk about things to do with parenting younger kids while homeschooling olders or for people who plan to Homeschool but their kids aren't school age yet and so on. It would also have the benefit of avoiding that kind of thread easily f for some reason it is either hurtful or irrelevant to others to see it on the general board.

 

If anyone else agrees that would be a good idea, maybe you should PM or ask, too?

[Once Again]

I'm sorry. I kind of feel like a jerk even saying it. I really don't blame anyone for posting about their pregnancies. If I were still pregnant, I would, too. If and when I get pregnant again, I am sure I will again.

 

But after having to end an ectopic pregnancy this summer, that I REALLY wanted, and just reaching the point where I can try again but worrying about how it will go due to my age, this past m/c and so on, it's still hard for me to read all the threads about pregnancy and doctor appointments and baby names and symptoms and so on. It seems like there are tons of them here lately. Or maybe I just notice them more now.

 

I kind of wish there was a separate board here on this forum for discussing pregnancy and infancy and even toddlerhood- all the "pre-homeschooling" stages so to speak. Then I could go there when I was excited to do so, and could avoid it during the time when it's just, well, kind of hurtful. Or irrelevant to me. Or whatever.

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Again, I REALLY don't mean that people shouldn't post about these things. I'm just feeling kind of down, I guess. Other family stresses currently going on in my life don't help.

 

Anyone else in the same boat?

 

 

:grouphug: I feel the same way. It's been a year since I had an ectopic pregnancy and I'm still grieving about it.

[Aelwydd]

Thanks for the understanding and commiseration! I don't know if anything will come of it, but I PM'd a moderator asking if there was any chance of getting a "pre-homeschooling" forum that consists of a pregnancy board and a parenting infants and toddlers board.

 

I thought it would be nice anyway to have a "home" to discuss that stuff, and to talk about things to do with parenting younger kids while homeschooling olders or for people who plan to Homeschool but their kids aren't school age yet and so on. It would also have the benefit of avoiding that kind of thread easily f for some reason it is either hurtful or irrelevant to others to see it on the general board.

 

If anyone else agrees that would be a good idea, maybe you should PM or ask, too?

 

Honestly, it's a general topic thread, and pregnancy is a legitimate topic under the rules. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking a moderator to disallow it here, because it strikes too close to censorship for my tastes. I just bowed out of that thread as it got too intense, and will focus on other topics here.

[texasmama]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[FaithManor]

Oh, I understand. Sigh....it's someting I'm usually very, very good at dealing with, but actually lately hasn't been so easy.

 

We lost our first baby at 12 weeks gestation. We then went on to have four kids that I am eternally grateful for. We then went the international adoption route and due to political destabilization in Nicaragua, though we went through that nightmare of paperwork, waiting, and total crazinees to make M and I ours, we cannot get them out. We send money, we do what we can, but our girls will never come home to us. The U.S. State Department cannot help...relations with Nicaragua are not good.

 

So, when I'm feeling blah, pregnancy threads make me wistful and sometimes a little sad. Most of the time I can be very happy for everyone, really. But, occasionally.....it's the adoption threads that usually do me in. In particular, when the motivations of adoptive parents are questioned and we are painted with a "bad" brush.

 

Recently, two of our closest friends were able to adopt a newborn baby girl. We are her Godparents. I am so in love with that role in her life and yet, there are days when I hold her in my arms and I know that I will never hold M and I, they will never know just how much we loved them, how much we wanted them, and maybe they will never know that kind of love from anyone. The joy gets sucked right out of my life when that happens. It's hard to breathe.

 

I'm sorry! I completely understand. It can be really difficult to push it to the back of one's heart and maintain a happy face and celebrate everyone else's joy. :grouphug:

 

Faith

[Night Elf]

I'm a person who still hasn't come to complete and total peace about the fact that I cannot have anymore children. DH had a vasectomy about 12 years ago. He decided he was finished and declared that he could do what he wanted with his body. Well, that didn't go over well with me and frankly, I'm still a little bitter. I'm trying and trying and trying to come to terms with it. That is the only hiccup in my relationship. I honestly think about this every single day. Really. But I stopped sharing my thoughts with him a very long time ago. It just did nothing but antagonize the situation.

 

I try to stay away from pregnancy and baby threads. While I'm always happy for the new parents, it makes my a part of my soul ache. I am okay with those threads here. These people are happy and want to share their happiness. I just don't open the threads and have to force my eyes to scan quickly over the titles. It's my problem, not their problem.

[NanceXToo]

Honestly, it's a general topic thread, and pregnancy is a legitimate topic under the rules. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking a moderator to disallow it here, because it strikes too close to censorship for my tastes. I just bowed out of that thread as it got too intense, and will focus on other topics here.

 

I understand. It's not so much that I want them to disallow it, I would never say that. And again, if and when I am pregnant again, I know that I will want to talk about it, too.

 

I do think it would be nice for the pre-schooling years from pregnancy through preschool to have it's own "home" so to speak.

[Slojo's Homeschool]

:grouphug: I'm new here, but I do know what you are feeling. I had my third miscarriage in a row just in June, and am struggling with feeling like it will never happen for me again/ending the whole childbearing thing on a sour note. So I do understand how hard it can be to watch others achieve a healthy pregnancy.

 

Hugs and more hugs.

[NorCalMom]

I'm past the pain now, but I've been in your shoes. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Jennifer3141]

Nance, you are in my thoughts a lot. I'm turning 40 next month and this last MC hit me hard but I'm keeping it mostly to myself this time. You'd think with PCOS, I'd be used to crazy hormones that complicate my life and ruin things. :(

 

I'm resting a little bit and wondering if I even will get back in the TTC saddle again.

[Pink Fairy]

Yep. We lost a baby this year, and right about then it seemed like everyone and their brother (sister?) was expecting. Now that same everyone is giving birth, and all I can think about is my precious babe would have been born this month too. It's such a weird feeling, happiness for others mixed with heartbreak for missing our little one.