Rebecca VA Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 A friend was telling me yesterday about an event she and her husband are going to. It's a high-level corporate weekend on the New England coast. On Saturday there's going to be an all-day party on the beach in front of the (lavish) vacation home of one of the hosts. Everything will take place outside -- there'll be catered food all day, port-a-potties, a clambake, sailing, etc. There's an "understanding" that guests aren't invited in the house. I was shocked by this. What kind of host/hostess would refuse to allow guests in the house? I do understand that all the basic needs of the guests are being taken care of outdoors, but there's just something wrong about this -- like, the guests are allowed to ooh and aah over the lovely setting, but they're not allowed to see and participate in the "real" lives of the hosts. The guests aren't a bunch of wild preschoolers or destructive teens. They're longstanding clients of the hosts' company. But it sounds -- to me -- as though they're being treated in a rude way. There's something beautiful about a hostess who opens up her home -- however humble -- to guests and makes them feel part of the family's lives. But in this situation, something seems to be lacking -- hospitality, trust, transparency, or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoNative Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I've been to parties like this, and it was perfectly appropriate to not allow guests into the house. The place where I was spent a lot of money for tents, etc. so I don't see it as being rude - it's an outdoor party....and it's amazing how - even adults - can wreak havoc on a house, especially depending on how many are there.... Melody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down_the_Rabbit_Hole Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I don't see a problem with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 It wouldn't be the way I would do things, but there may be a desire to preserve privacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamapjama Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I don't find it rude at all. If so much time and money has been spent to make the day enjoyable for the guests outside, then I think that is where the party should be contained. I know when I'm hosting get togethers outside it does honestly get a bit tiresome when I have to keep going in and out of the house for various reasons. The host/hostess should be able to mingle and enjoy the party too and not be running all over the place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Sounds fine (and fun!) to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) I've been at parties like this but at family members' and friends' houses. In each case, the hosts were at a point that they either could NOT deal with getting the inside "ready" for the party or they couldn't deal with cleaning up the inside afterward. I can totally respect those reasons. Edited August 5, 2011 by unsinkable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I couldn't pull this off at my house (not that I'd want to), but I don't think it's any big deal in this situation. The guests have everything they could possibly need. It sounds like a quite lavish party, certainly not like one I've ever been to in my life! My other thought is that if this is a corporate deal, the hosts' private life is none of the guests' business. If the guests are friends, they've already been in the house. And, hah, I bet there are a few guests who do act like wild preschoolers or destructive teens, longstanding clients or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I wouldn't do it, but I've heard of this type of party and don't consider it rude at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I think it's perfectly fine. It's not like they're letting only "some" people in the house and not others. It's an outdoor event. Why would the guest need to go inside other than to look around? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I don't see a problem with it. :iagree:This is a party with clients, not friends, and the host/tess can't be everywhere. If the guests have everything they need outside, why should they need to go in the house? I'm sure the host doesn't want people wandering in their house while they are attending to guests outside. Three years ago we had a LARGE homeschool high school graduation party with nine other families in the large yard at one of the graduate's houses. The guests were all friends of the graduates. The only place inside guests were allowed was one bathroom near a door. I had no problem with it (wasn't my house) because they had no need to be in the house. There was a large tent in the yard, tables and chairs, food, porta potty, pool and music. Why go in the house? Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I was shocked by this. What kind of host/hostess would refuse to allow guests in the house? I do understand that all the basic needs of the guests are being taken care of outdoors, but there's just something wrong about this -- like, the guests are allowed to ooh and aah over the lovely setting, but they're not allowed to see and participate in the "real" lives of the hosts. The guests aren't a bunch of wild preschoolers or destructive teens. They're longstanding clients of the hosts' company. But it sounds -- to me -- as though they're being treated in a rude way. There's something beautiful about a hostess who opens up her home -- however humble -- to guests and makes them feel part of the family's lives. But in this situation, something seems to be lacking -- hospitality, trust, transparency, or something. To me, there is a difference between a party for your friends and a party for a group, especially if it is a work party. My work associates are not part of my family's life, nor am I part of theirs. I see nothing odd about having the party strictly outside. And, if this house is like some lavish houses I've seen, the beach in front of the house may be quite a walk from the house itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I do not see anything wrong with it. People have parties in parks all the time where there is not even a house to go to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Why would the guest need to go inside other than to look around? And bring sand in! Ughh . . . hate. sand. in. house. Maybe you're really just disappointed you won't get to see the inside?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 We did the same thing for my sister's backyard wedding. Nothing personal, just our septic is an issue so we got the nicest porta potties with sinks and such and everything and everything you could possibly need was outside. It was also muddy out and I didn't want my house destroyed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 I'm not going to be there -- a friend was telling me about the party. But yes, I probably would like to see the house. I love to see how people live -- not in a nosy, judgmental way, but it helps me understand them better, and I like them more afterwards. This whole situation seems so sterile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I'm not going to be there -- a friend was telling me about the party. But yes, I probably would like to see the house. I love to see how people live -- not in a nosy, judgmental way, but it helps me understand them better, and I like them more afterwards. This whole situation seems so sterile. And this is my point. If there are many people there, I wouldn't want them wandering around my house. It's nobody else's business how I live. I love to see inside other people's houses (being a Realtor fed that addiction well), but if I'm invited to an outside party, it wouldn't bother me not to be in the house, especially if it's a work party. It doesn't seem sterile at all to me. It's a way to contain the guests and not have the family's privacy invaded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I can think of 2 reasons. Sand and theft. The hosts have probably btdt, and I think it's darn nice of them to even bother to host it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I'm not going to be there -- a friend was telling me about the party. But yes, I probably would like to see the house. I love to see how people live -- not in a nosy, judgmental way, but it helps me understand them better, and I like them more afterwards. This whole situation seems so sterile. You said it was a "high level corporate weekend". Not a private get together with friends. I find it actually very professional to leave one's private life OUT of the equation - a business relationship does not require the kind of understanding you gain from seeing their private lives on display. What you call sterile may well be called professional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I can think of 2 reasons. Sand and theft. The hosts have probably btdt, and I think it's darn nice of them to even bother to host it. :iagree: I tend to think that when someone is extending a gift or a kindness (in this case, a lavish party) the only proper response is, "Thank you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Sounds good to me! Age does not guarantee manners. A friend of mine recently hosted an outdoor wedding at her home, where only the bridal party was supposed to be using the house. Even with signs on the door, people traipsed around the house like they owned it, opening the refrigerator, adjusting the air conditioning, and someone even stole prescriptions out of her master bedroom. No, thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I probably wouldn't do that, but I can totally understand why some people would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 :iagree: I tend to think that when someone is extending a gift or a kindness (in this case, a lavish party) the only proper response is, "Thank you." :iagree:If one is miffed about not being invited into the house one does not have to attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Age does not guarantee manners. And financial status has nothing to do with keeping the eighth commandment. Think of some Hollywood types. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I think it is rude to invite corporate clients to an all-day affair and expect them to use port-a-potties. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Everything will take place outside -- there'll be catered food all day, port-a-potties, a clambake, sailing, etc. There's an "understanding" that guests aren't invited in the house. . I understand it all but the port a potties. YUCK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Inviting folks for business related purposes differs from events for personal/family events. If the hosts wanted to really relate the feeling that they valued their customers they'd invite them into their home. It's a marketing failure if you ask me. But I've seen this type of thing many times. I'm not going to be there -- a friend was telling me about the party. But yes, I probably would like to see the house. I love to see how people live -- not in a nosy, judgmental way, but it helps me understand them better, and I like them more afterwards. This whole situation seems so sterile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 With all needs being met outside, I don't see why anyone would need to be in, other than being nosy about the hosts. I went to a wedding reception that was like this. Everything outside the house. It didn't even dawn on me that anyone would go in the house. The couple did it for several reasons. One, they were on a septic system. Hundred ppl or more using the facilities would seriously mess it up. Two, they had their young kids with a sitter in the house. Three, they wanted to relax and enjoy their party, not have to supervise ppl going through their home. The hosts in the OP have provided everything for their guests. Corporate guests at that, not friends or family. I don't see how they'd have any obligation what so ever to open their personal living space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsJewelsRae Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 My other thought is that if this is a corporate deal, the hosts' private life is none of the guests' business. If the guests are friends, they've already been in the house. And, hah, I bet there are a few guests who do act like wild preschoolers or destructive teens, longstanding clients or not. __________________ My thoughts exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 How big was the event? How many attended? I'm not saying it is right or wrong. I guess I can understand that especially with a large group, having people coming and going from your personal space when you are going to be outside, might be disconcerting. I like to err on the side of friendliness and wouldn't do it. On the other hand, dh does work for a huge company. One of his managers has 150 employees he directly supervises. So, if he were to have a company party, I could honestly see him being rather worried about being at the barbeque in his yard and having 150 people coming and going at will from his home while he's occupied. Not my first choice, however, I can see some reasonable rationale why it might happen. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarenM Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I think it sounds rather snobby. But, I understand . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I have been to parties like this as well. Sometimes it is a septic tank issue, that they are completely avoiding by not having anyone inside. I know that at my sister's wedding this was the case, and my aunt still had women neak in to use her indoor plumping. Her septic system could have been ruined - and cost quite a lot to repair..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 One, they were on a septic system. [/b] There's an important point a lot of people don't consider. If they are also on a well then it's another reason. Those port-a-potties would be fantastic if I had to host a similar gathering for both reasons. Never mind that if my husband and I are hosting a party on the beach then there's nobody at the house. No way would I want people wandering up to it with no one there to welcome/keep an eye on them. Honestly, it sounds like it will be a lovely event. I don't thin I'd be looking for reasons to grumble about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 My friend has a large fireworks party every year with a professionally done display. They invite a couple of hundred friends. After several experiences over the years (with friends, at a party where no alcohol was served, no less), this year she quietly locked the house and hired out a port-a-potty with a separate handwashing station. It was either that or not having the fireworks anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 This is a party with clients, not friends, and the host/tess can't be everywhere. If the guests have everything they need outside, why should they need to go in the house? I'm sure the host doesn't want people wandering in their house while they are attending to guests outside. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hana Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 The place where I work has a sort of figurehead whose house is maintained by the company. Every year, the organization hosts an outside party at her house, and we don't think anything of the fact that we are all in big tents outside. (During colder seasons, other parties are held inside, but this early fall event is always exclusively outside.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 We are on both a well and a septic system and host large-ish parties here. 50-60 people at a time, not 150. We always post a note about what not to flush in each bathroom. 150 all afternoon would totally stress the systems. The real reason, of course, is to avoid whether to ask the guests to remove their shoes or not inside the house. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I have been to parties like this as well.Sometimes it is a septic tank issue, that they are completely avoiding by not having anyone inside. I know that at my sister's wedding this was the case, and my aunt still had women neak in to use her indoor plumping. Her septic system could have been ruined - and cost quite a lot to repair..... I was thinking of the septic tank issues might be the reason for this. We rented a cottage once that you couldn't even flush toilet paper because too much (we're a family of 7) would wreck the septic. There was a garbage can for the toilet paper. The neighbors had a party and they kept everyone outdoors and ordered in porta potties. They locked the indoor bathrooms shut just in case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 The more I think about this, the more I'm surprised. What ever happened to just plain being grateful to be invited, instead of picking things apart and finding something to be unhappy about? The hosts are going to a lot of time and trouble to provide this party. To be unhappy about not having access to their private living space is just plain ungrateful, imo. Boggles my mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 You said it was a "high level corporate weekend". Not a private get together with friends. Exactly. This is a work party. It's not as though they're inviting a few close friends over, then not letting them inside their house. They probably don't even personally know most of the invitees. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 No, I don't see anything wrong with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I have done this to some extent. When we have our July Fourth parties, the only reason people are allowed in the house is to use the restroom or change a child into and out of swimsuits. The rest of the party is held outdoors. I also had a fall festival here last year that was held almost entirely outdoors. We ate a picnic in the grass, played outdoor games, etc. Nobody missed being inside at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecclecticmum Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Even at the most lavish of parties, with the most lavish of guests, and the most lavish house, their is bound to be someone whom get completely lavished and manages to destroy 100's to 1000s of dollars worth of damage in a few minutes. Also, some of these people whom you invite, you may not know very well personally, and once you allow them inside, you have to be like a watchful mother over all 30-100 or whatever of them, because if your "allowed" inside, then there is always at least one person, whose sees it as a welcome mat to delve into those peoples cabinets, wardrobes and bedrooms. Maybe this host has been gracious enough to hold an indoor party before, and had these things happen to them, so now they have graciously still decided to throw another party, where every convenience needed is at the guests fingertips, whilst also being able to minimize damage. Of course, little does she know, that now at least one guest will badger her the whole night on wanting a tour of her house, and if she allows it, everyone will come in, and therefore the party that was outside, will end up being inside. either way, she is throwing what sounds like a wonderful party in a beautiful setting, at her expense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I hate port-a-potties, so I might skip it just because of that. It would be nice if a real bathroom was available for guests. I can understand not opening up the house to guests, though. Other than the port-a-potties, it sounds like a nice party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 The more I think about this, the more I'm surprised. What ever happened to just plain being grateful to be invited, instead of picking things apart and finding something to be unhappy about? The hosts are going to a lot of time and trouble to provide this party. To be unhappy about not having access to their private living space is just plain ungrateful, imo. Boggles my mind. :iagree: Even if it was a friend and family party at the host's house, it is the host's rules. One shouldn't complain about the food or amenities. If it is not the way you would host then host differently. If you don't like the party details then respectfully decline, otherwise show up and enjoy. There are really many reasons people set up parties a certain way and frankly they are none of anyone else's business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Well, I can understand it. The owners are NOT going to be IN The house, right? They're going to be outside with the guests? I'd want the 'understanding' of no one in the house, too. Especially while I wasn't there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolosoli Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 In today's society I feel it is unfortunately a request that is needed. I've been to a couple of functions that for the most part the activity was to take place OUTSIDE....but, there were some people that couldn't miss the "big game" or needed to walk around the house chatting on cell phones. Plus, if you are adding in alcohol...who knows how some people behave. Also, you mentioned sand/beach. I don't care how old people are that stuff is a MESS!!!! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) Huge guest list. Long-term clients (which does not translate into intimate personal friends). Complex event to keep running smoothly. Food, drinks, conversation, swimming, etc. Access to the house would make party management even more of a nightmare than it already sounds. Everything needed is supplied outside. Quite the upscale "outside", too ! Oh dear. Someone has pointed out the [realistic] possibility of inebriation. Much easier to splash someone with water from the ocean for a quick sobering-up when it is right there. The hosts are not being squirrelly in the slightest. Have a good time ! Edited August 5, 2011 by Orthodox6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RahRah Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 A friend was telling me yesterday about an event she and her husband are going to. It's a high-level corporate weekend on the New England coast. On Saturday there's going to be an all-day party on the beach in front of the (lavish) vacation home of one of the hosts. Everything will take place outside -- there'll be catered food all day, port-a-potties, a clambake, sailing, etc. There's an "understanding" that guests aren't invited in the house. I was shocked by this. What kind of host/hostess would refuse to allow guests in the house? I do understand that all the basic needs of the guests are being taken care of outdoors, but there's just something wrong about this -- like, the guests are allowed to ooh and aah over the lovely setting, but they're not allowed to see and participate in the "real" lives of the hosts. The guests aren't a bunch of wild preschoolers or destructive teens. They're longstanding clients of the hosts' company. But it sounds -- to me -- as though they're being treated in a rude way. There's something beautiful about a hostess who opens up her home -- however humble -- to guests and makes them feel part of the family's lives. But in this situation, something seems to be lacking -- hospitality, trust, transparency, or something. I personally wouldn't be offended - it's a business affair, so the hostess does not really *know* everyone who will be attending and depending upon the number of guests, that much use of the bathrooms indoors could present some serious issues. As you noted, the guests are longstanding clients of the hosts' COMPANY - while they're acquaintances, they're not necessarily *friends* and some people don't want a lot of people traipsing through their home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I understand it all but the port a potties. YUCK. :iagree: I'm hearing high corporate, lavish, etc. and thinking "Port a potties?" Blech. No thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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