at waht age did you start leaving your children alone at home

[ProudGrandma]

A really good friend of mine suggested that I needed to start leaving our children (dd almost 11, ds9 and ds7) alone for a couple hours while I go off and do something (like go golfing with my husband). We would be about 20 minutes away and my friends daughter (age 20) would be about 10 minutes away and could be reached by cell phone. I have never left my children for more that 5 minutes alone and that was while I ran down town in our small 400 person town to get the mail or grab something at the grocery store. I am SUPER nervous about this, but I am trying to decide if it is me, or if I should be uneasy with it. My children are not overly mature, but not immature either. But, I simply don't know. At what age did you start leaving your kids for an extended period of time (over an hour or so)??

[Tohru]

We told ds that he could be home alone when he turned 12. For several months before then, we left him for 15-20 minutes at a time while we went for a walk or drive. However we also had 2 very big, overly protective dogs and lived downtown with lots of foot traffic and "interesting" things going on all the time.

 

My friend in the suburbs left her kids alone when the eldest was 11. The BIGGEST problem that happened with that is that it completely changed the dynamics of the sibling's relationships to one another. The eldest began acting like he was "in charge" of the others and began acting like an (dominating) authority figure to the other siblings. He became incredibly bossy and even quit playing with the others. Now at 17, he still sees his siblings as inferiors. Just something to think about before leaving them alone.

[TXBeth]

A really good friend of mine suggested that I needed to start leaving our children (dd almost 11, ds9 and ds7) alone for a couple hours while I go off and do something (like go golfing with my husband). We would be about 20 minutes away and my friends daughter (age 20) would be about 10 minutes away and could be reached by cell phone. I have never left my children for more that 5 minutes alone and that was while I ran down town in our small 400 person town to get the mail or grab something at the grocery store. I am SUPER nervous about this, but I am trying to decide if it is me, or if I should be uneasy with it. My children are not overly mature, but not immature either. But, I simply don't know. At what age did you start leaving your kids for an extended period of time (over an hour or so)??

 

Well my kids aren't that old yet, but I'm going to answer anyway just because I can. :tongue_smilie:

I think it would depend a lot on the personalities. If you 11yo is extremely responsible and could handle an emergency if needed, AND your other two actually respect the 11yo and would follow her (his? can't remember) lead, then I'd say it would be okay......if there is also a neighbor they could go to in an emergency.

I tend to think that an 11yo alone would be fine, and even an 11yo with a 4 or 5 year old, but to give a preteen the responsibility of caring for siblings who are so close in age is expecting too much.

[Tohru]

Wanted to add that we have never left our 14yo ds home alone for more than 2 hours and never alone at night. We live in a nicer neighborhood now, but still, I think most kids don't like to be by themselves too long. It's such a burden.

 

Personally, I'd set limits and freedoms with what you are comfortable with, not what any one else says/thinks. Your boundaries now are fine.

[Trish]

For us it is twelve. I wouldn't leave him at night though, strictly for daytime close by things like a run to the grocery store.

 

An "almost 11" is still a 10-year-old. I'd check the laws of your state before leaving a 10 year old alone!

 

Edit: I just checked for my state (Florida), and lo! The legal permissable age for leaving a child home alone is 12. (although I imagne you wouldn't be prosecuted unless something bad happened, or a neighbor complained)

Edited August 1, 2011 by Trish
update

[DaffodilDreams]

Some states have laws dictating the age children can be left home alone.

[mrs.m]

My DD has always been bossy with her brothers. Even before allowing her to be "in charge" when alone with them. I think that's how first borns can be especially once they hit those tween years on. We are working on that one! I often will leave and announce my 9yo is in charge. LOL!!!

 

Anyway, 11 is probably ok. But we didn't start with 2 hours. We built up to it.

[Parrothead]

I started leaving dd at home alone for 5 minutes or so when she was 9ish.

 

Now at almost 12 she is old enough to babysit, so I'm good if she were to babysit for a few hours. But I don't like her being home alone for that long. I suppose it is a safety in numbers thing. If she is babysitting she isn't by herself.;)

[Sasharowan]

I started leaving the older 2 home alone BY themselves at 10, but not watching anyone. Oldest started watching the younger ones at 12.5 or so. I have only started leaving the 5yo with the 15yo recently and that is only occasionally and dependent on the 5yo behavior. He likes to challenge authority. When I leave them home now at 15, almost 12, and 10, they are expected to watch themselves, but help each other if needed.

[dakarimom5]

I don't leave my 13yo alone or in charge of other sibs. I started leaving my oldest alone at 15.

 

I have nightmares because a local family with 10 children would leave them alone so the parents could both work...the house caught fire. All the children got out but it was scary for me as a paranoid parent.

[Joker]

Mine are 11 and 9 and are capable of staying home alone for a few hours. Older dd is not "in charge" of younger though. I remember staying home by myself at around 8 and overnight with older siblings when I was about 10.

[joannqn]

Now that we are in a safer neighborhood, we've left our kids home alone for about 30-45 minutes a few times.

[AFwife Claire]

We started leaving our kids home without an adult when my oldest turned 13. We had 7 then, and the kids were thrilled to be left, since that meant they didn't all have to be dragged around Walmart or the grocery store all the time. We've never had anyone lord it over the younger ones, because they know staying at home is a privilege, LOL. During my last pregnancy, I had to drive to the military hospital in Bethesda, which is a good 40 minutes from our house (and in a different state, LOL!). Me having an appointment meant I was gone usually around 3 hours. I always left the kids. I would always tell them what I expected them to do while I was gone (schoolwork and chores), and the younger 3 girls just played. There were never any problems, but of course, I did have my cell phone. I don't think I would be so cavalier if we didn't live in the age of cell phones!

 

So if I guess, like others have said, if your kids get along and can stay busy while you are gone (even just watching a video or something), then I'd try it. You don't sound like you'd be that far away. And you have more than 1 kid--my kids would not want to be left at home all by themselves at 11 or younger, but with their brothers, they would be fine (I have left my 9 and 8 year olds at home together while I ran the older 2 boys to a football camp about 10 minutes away, and I took all the littles with me). Along with knowing how to reach me on my cell, we make sure they all know not to answer the door or go outside while I'm gone.

[Shannanlee]

Age 10 for about 30-45 mins during the day.

[Boxing Hare]

I started when mine were 10 and 8 while I went grocery shopping. I was 10 minutes away from them. They weren't allowed to answer the phone/door and had to turn on the security alarm. We also have a big dog.

 

My kids were reading or doing other school work while I was gone. I felt that they were completely capable of staying by themselves. But I know several of their friends who I still don't think should be allowed to stay home alone!

 

I started leaving my youngest home with the older two this summer. He'll be 7 in Sept.

 

In TX, the minimum age is 4. Isn't that crazy?

[Coffeemama]

My kids are close to those ages (10, 8, 6). I think they are too young to be alone for more than 10 - 15 minutes.

[Running the race]

I left a child alone at age 11. I wouldn't leave my 11yo with two younger siblings, but that's my kids. When oldest was 13, I left all three home together for short periods of time. At 14yo, I could leave them for longer periods of time and at night.

[Grover]

Here it's illegal to leave a child in charge of younger siblings before they're 14. Alone the law is vague and I'm not sure because we're not there yet, but I think somewhere between 10 and 12 I'd be happy to leave DS alone for short periods.

[*********]

I don't think that is old enough (11, 9, 7).

 

:iagree: For us, that wouldn't be old enough. I can't imagine we'll be leaving Zee and Moose home alone (for more than a quick 5 minute trip like you mentioned) when they are 11 and 9. And fwiw, they are both pretty mature/responsible/level headed for their ages.

 

Dsd and dss were being left home alone at their mother's for 2-3 hour stretches at those ages. Dh did not approve.

[cathmom]

I think they're too young and that's too long (a couple of hours).

 

My oldest never wanted to be left home (100% extraverted) so I don't even know when I would have left him home alone. He didn't watch his siblings until he was nearly 15 and then I even took the baby with me.

 

At about 12 at the earliest I would start leaving them home.

[ProudGrandma]

thank you for all of the responses. I am glad to see that I am not being over protective or anything. How does one find the laws concerning this?? We live in Nebraska.

Thanks again.

[LidiyaDawn]

Here it's illegal to leave a child in charge of younger siblings before they're 14.

 

Good grief. Do they get to finally cross the road without mommy's hand by then as well?

 

[yes i think that law is ridiculous…talk about treating youth like babies!]

[mrs.m]

 

http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm lists the ages for all states.

[*********]

thank you for all of the responses. I am glad to see that I am not being over protective or anything. How does one find the laws concerning this?? We live in Nebraska.

Thanks again.

 

A quick Google search turned up this on the Nebraska DHHS site.

[rocketgirl]

wow, your friend actually encouraged you to leave your kids alone, oldest being 11!!? did i say that out loud?? i wouldn't, but that was what i was thinking! As if decisions weren't hard enough; i battled myself with this same question, I just can't imagine having someone pressure me to do it! Anyway, when it comes down to it you can't put an age to it, because one 11 yo is not like another 11 yo, you know tho if yours would be ok with it or not. Everyone doesn't live in the same neighborhood either, you have to take advice with a grain of salt & do what is right for you, not just because someone tells you you should, isn't this what we tell our kids?? I'd leave my 11 yo in charge, with a phone, for a quick 15-20 minute trip, but not for an hour or more and it isn't so much that i'd worry about what my kids would do, i'd worry about what else might happen...the stuff they're too naive to need to worry about right now....

Edited August 1, 2011 by rocketgirl

[Jen in PA]

I really feel that a mature 12 - 13 year old could handle it, but I wouldn't go much lower than that. A fire or other unusual situation would just be too much for a younger child.

[J-rap]

I can't remember for sure, but I think we were comfortable leaving our five kids home alone (for short periods) when our oldest was 12. But, we didn't necessarily tell our oldest he was in charge. I think we told our THREE oldest that they were in charge, and they would have been 12, 11, and 9. They were all very responsible and got along well, and we were only 5 minutes away at a little social gathering. It happened to be the first night ever that we had a bat in the house, and it flew through the halls and bedrooms while they were getting their pj's on! All the girls hid upstairs on the sleeping porch, and our son was the brave one to call us up and tell us to come home! We had only been gone about an hour. It was quite the experience for them!

[texasmama]

I began leaving the older two kids at home alone for an hour or so while I went to the grocery store and such at about 10 years old. They are both very level-headed, mature, not impulsive, rule following kids. I could always be reached by cell phone, reviewed the rules before leaving them and was never far from home. That has worked very well. I never left them with younger sibs at this age, though

 

I would never leave my almost 11 year old in charge of the two younger ones. He is not an authority figure to them, and I shudder to think what might happen if I left the three littles home alone together.

[Lovin Learnin]

DH and I just had this discussion this evening. Our boys were 11 and 12 when we first let them stay home alone for a couple of hours at a time, but it might be awhile before we let dd(10) stay alone. I think I felt a little better about leaving the boys because there were two of them. Lately my sons aren't around much to be with their sister for any length of time, so she goes where we go.

[mrs.m]

Good grief. Do they get to finally cross the road without mommy's hand by then as well?

 

[yes i think that law is ridiculous…talk about treating youth like babies!]

 

We live in the state with that restriction. We just moved here and Jan. and I didn't even think about looking into that until tonight. I'm not happy about that. :glare:

 

However, the wording is very unclear. It says leaving them for "an unreasonable amount of time" without "regard for the mental or physical health, safety, or welfare of that minor." Followed by many other considerations to the circumstances.

 

What's very odd is that they start offering the baby sitter course here at age 11 through the Red Cross. DD has taken it!

[Heather in Neverland]

I left my 13yo at home with my 7yo for about an hour in the day time for the first time this summer. That's about all I am comfortable with right now.

[Celia]

Ugh.

 

This thread is killing me.

 

My kids are little, so this isn't something I'm personally faced with yet, but a close friend of mine is, and making choices that scare me silly for the well being of her kids. Understand first that she's recently seperated from her husband, lives in the middle of nowhere up a mountain, and has 5 young children. The youngest just turned 4, and the eldest is 9.

 

She's recently been allowing her 9yr old to 'babysit' all the other kids while they're sleeping and she goes out at night. Because of where they live, if they called her on her cell phone with a problem, she would take minimum 25mins to get home. She figures they're just as safe as if she's there, as she sleeps like a rock and nothing that happens while she asleep wakes her up (her response when people suggest she should be concerned about fire, as they do heat the house with a wood stove). Thankfully, she does have family with a house on the same large property, just a few minutes away.

 

So far, nothing negative has happened while she's been doing this, and now she's feeling comfortable enough with leaving her kids alone that she's left her 8 and 9yr old at home together for the better part of the day while she went shopping in a town that's 1.5hrs away.

 

She is upset that people are questioning her on this. I wish our province had some laws about this sort of thing!

[Mercy_Me]

My eldest is just shy of 15 and I have JUST started letting her stay at home with 2 of her younger siblings (11 and just shy of 9). The longest amount of time has been less than an hour. I may not be the right person to take advice from. LOL

[Mercy_Me]

Ugh.

 

This thread is killing me.

 

My kids are little, so this isn't something I'm personally faced with yet, but a close friend of mine is, and making choices that scare me silly for the well being of her kids. Understand first that she's recently seperated from her husband, lives in the middle of nowhere up a mountain, and has 5 young children. The youngest just turned 4, and the eldest is 9.

 

She's recently been allowing her 9yr old to 'babysit' all the other kids while they're sleeping and she goes out at night. Because of where they live, if they called her on her cell phone with a problem, she would take minimum 25mins to get home. She figures they're just as safe as if she's there, as she sleeps like a rock and nothing that happens while she asleep wakes her up (her response when people suggest she should be concerned about fire, as they do heat the house with a wood stove). Thankfully, she does have family with a house on the same large property, just a few minutes away.

 

So far, nothing negative has happened while she's been doing this, and now she's feeling comfortable enough with leaving her kids alone that she's left her 8 and 9yr old at home together for the better part of the day while she went shopping in a town that's 1.5hrs away.

 

She is upset that people are questioning her on this. I wish our province had some laws about this sort of thing!

 

Ack. I think I hyperventilated just reading that! :glare:

[Paige]

I left my oldest for very short trips right before he turned 9. His sisters were still in school and I left him home to drop them off about 5min away. Now that he's almost 10, I'm comfortable leaving him home for an hour or so. We don't leave him home with the younger siblings, however. He is very responsible on his own, but gets a little too uptight and bossy if he thinks he is in charge of someone. I probably wouldn't let any of them stay alone together until the oldest was 12. I was babysitting at 12yrs old. My DS doesn't go to the door, only answers the phone if he hears one of his parents or grandparents on the line, knows how to call 911, knows how to get help from neighbors, knows where to go if there's a storm, and he knows how to behave. I don't think we are doing kids any favors by not allowing them to stay home alone before they are mid teens. I would hope that the 15yr old babysitter has had plenty of experience being home alone before he or she is in charge of someone else's kid.

 

My parents left us for a few hours from the time I was 8 and my brother was 9 or 10. We were very comfortable and mature. My friends' parents didn't leave them alone until they were about 14 and they were scared to death! They had always heard how dangerous it was, how unprepared they were, how many things could go wrong, so when their parents left for the first time in the middle of the day (with me there) they freaked out about every little bump in the house. I know it is anecdotal, but it made an impression on me. We were the same age and I felt like they had been turned into babies.

[deannajo]

I left my oldest alone starting at age 9 - she's very mature and responsible and my decision was entirely made on that rather than her age.. My middle child is now 9, and I'd leave her too, but it hasn't come up :-) - she always either wants to go with me, or her sisters are home too. Now my oldest is 12, and I have no problem leaving all three of them home - the youngest is 7 - they are all three very mature responsible kids, and I make sure I'm no more than 15 mins away - the most I've left them has been a few hours, but usually I keep it to under two hours. However, I cannot imagine my 7 year old would be ready to stay home by herself without her sisters at the age of 9 - she's very anxious and while I think she will likely be able to handle it in two years, I don't think she will feel comfortable with it for a long time. That's her personality.

[Anna Marie]

Actually home *alone* as in completely by themselves, i would say around 9-11 depending on their maturity.

 

But with all my kid's i don't think there's ever been a time when they we're actually *alone*, I don't mind leaving them home alone together, as long as there's a 2 of the older teens home.

Everyone 9+ is "in charge" of themselves, and the one's older then 13 are "in charge" of the younger one's too.

 

My biggest worry was we have a lake in our "backyard", and i was worried someone would try to go swimming but we made it clear if they did they would be in major trouble, it hasn't been an issue.

 

We live in a safe area, have a security system & my oldest son lives 2 houses down the street.

 

We rarely leave them alone for more then an hour or 2 though (because we really don't have anything to do for that long!)

[jelbe5]

I began leaving my oldest dd in charge when she was 11 for quick trips across the street to the grocery store or Target. It was easy to return home quickly if needed. I don't think I ever had to do that. I gradually increased the time. She is now 16 and babysitting for others now, too. I sometimes leave my youngest, who is now 11, in charge when the oldest is out (son has autism). I am doing it the same way, by running quick errands nearby and building up her experience.

 

ETA we felt our oldest was mature enough when we began this and recently felt our dd11 was also ready. The Red Cross babysitting class is offered to ages 12 and up here. The law here does say 14 but when I asked a couple of police officer friends who have children they said it was not strictly enforced and maturity and common sense should be considered. The argument is "what are working parents of school age kids to do?".

Edited August 1, 2011 by jelbe5

[Pamela H in Texas]

It so depends. I'm amazed that someone would encourage this though as it is so individual. I mean, if you weren't leaving your average 17yr old, I can see a friend "wondering;" but when your kids are little?

 

I would NOT leave them until you are at the point that you are not leaving one in charge of the others. They are too close in age, imo, for that. So though it's not that you would wait until you'd leave the 7yr old by himself all alone, you do want to (again, imo) wait til he's not needing someone to watch him. Not sure I can make that more clear. When I left mine, it was when they each could follow the rules and help each other do so. It was when they each knew what to do should they need to do something and could help each other do so. My older was not in charge of the younger and I'm highly against siblings with only a couple years age difference being in a situation of "in charge" or "disciplining" or whatever. Just where that line is can't be clear as it so depends on the children involved. Let me say that imo 10 and 7 is not it while 13 and 7 probably would be.

 

One more thing I feel a really strong need to let people know. When children *are* left alone, if someone knocks on the door, they need to holler for mom (something like, "MOM! Someone's at the door!") so that the person at the door knows someone is in the house. You still don't want them answering the door, but don't have them be super quiet either. "Home but hiding" is a dangerous situation if the person at the door is a predator, not just the electric salesman or one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Yes, our home was broken into when I left my kids home alone.

Edited August 1, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[Starr]

My sister babysat for a family of four children when we were teens. Once she left them home alone with the oldest being 9. There was a fire and the 3 younger children ran and hid and wouldn't leave the house. :(

[Donna]

I babysat for infants when I was 12yo while their parents went out at night. I left my boys home alone together when they were 12yo and 10yo while I ran errands but always took their sister with me.

 

I left all 3 home for the first time more recently when they were 14, 12, and 7 while I worked a few hours or went to an appointment. I haven't left them late at night (maybe until 8pm at the latest) but now that is just more because I haven't had a need than for any other reason.

[Peela]

I wpudl have no problem at that age, but somehow we just knew our kids would be ok- they were sensible, not the sort of kids who got into trouble easily. They always had a video to watch, instructions not to answer the door, what to do in a fire, they knew the neighbours...and they totally loved being trusted to be home alone for a couple of hours, together. We left them many times form about 7 or 8. I know that seems terribly neglectful to many here but it felt ok to us and they have never been fearful kids.

[HSMother]

I started leaving the kids alone when the oldest was 12, but that was really just to be able to say I was within the law. His 10yo brother was actually the one in charge because the oldest has PDD and really couldn't handle it had his brother not been around.

 

Michelle

[Laurie4b]

I started leaving mine alone when they were 9--except for one who was just less mature than the others and I left him alone at age 11. I did this gradually and for their benefit (to develop independence) not for my benefit. So the first time, I might be gone just 10 min. for a trip. Once they were comfortable, I gradually increased that time. I made sure they knew all safety rules, etc.

 

On the other hand, I think they need to be older to babysit younger sibs than they need to be when on their own. The older-younger sib dynamic can get ugly when not under supervision, particularly if the older one sees an issue to enforce (perhaps a legitimate issue), the younger bucks the enforcement, and the older becomes overzealous. Conversely, an 11 year old is not always tuned in enough to what a younger sib is doing to prevent safety trouble.

 

I would start with leaving your 11 year old home alone while taking the younger two with you. Once the oldest is comfortable, you could try leaving the 9 year old home while taking the 11 year old and the youngest with you. Then I would leave 9 & 11 year old home. (still no babysitting of a child not old enough to be left home alone). Only when I had a strong sense that 11 year old are okay on their own would I consider leaving the youngest. (They may have gotten older by then)

 

I would also check what age CPS near you considers too young to be home alone. This varies from state to state and you don't want to prompt a CPS referral from a neighbor. Often, it's age 13. I think that is ridiculously old, but in our state it's age 8. In fact, my neighbor who was a CPS supervisor, left hers alone at age 9, so I knew I was safe!

[ProudGrandma]

I think some of you are getting confused between my leaving my children alone (as in completely by themselves) and alone (as in the 3 of them together without an adult). I know my dd 10 would be as nervous as she can get about being home alone (by herself), not as much with the boys...however, never having done that before...other than 5-10 minutes tops, I just can't see myslef doing that for much longer yet. I personally would never hire a babysitter at the age of 10...or even 11 for that matter since she is about 6 weeks away, why would I put my own daughter in that position? I am so glad that I am not the only one.

 

Thanks again for your responses.

[Julie Smith]

I wpudl have no problem at that age, but somehow we just knew our kids would be ok- they were sensible, not the sort of kids who got into trouble easily. They always had a video to watch, instructions not to answer the door, what to do in a fire, they knew the neighbours...and they totally loved being trusted to be home alone for a couple of hours, together. We left them many times form about 7 or 8. I know that seems terribly neglectful to many here but it felt ok to us and they have never been fearful kids.

 

For us, that would be just fine.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

I waited until mine was 12.

[Orthodox6]

Answer depends first on state/local laws, and second on the maturity level of each child. Health conditions, too. Possibly outranking the preceding is the general safety of where one lives.

 

There is a temptation to dump childcare on the eldest one(s), which best is resisted. It can develop maturity; however, it also can breed resentment.

 

The elder children may not have the reflexes and insights properly to handle a difficult situation with a younger child, or the vigilance to prevent a situation.

 

Short periods of time, only. Especially in the beginning.

 

Safety and behaviour rules are essential to exist and to be followed.

 

Good question with no clear-cut answers.

[angela in ohio]

Well, how would you feel if something happened while you were golfing? I guess that's the question I always asked myself. We waited until oldest was 14, because thought the chances of an accident were small, I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had left them for something that I didn't have to. Plus, i think they need to go places. I took my dc grocery shopping, to the bank, etc., and I think they are better off for it.

[Renee in NC]

Ugh.

 

This thread is killing me.

 

My kids are little, so this isn't something I'm personally faced with yet, but a close friend of mine is, and making choices that scare me silly for the well being of her kids. Understand first that she's recently seperated from her husband, lives in the middle of nowhere up a mountain, and has 5 young children. The youngest just turned 4, and the eldest is 9.

 

She's recently been allowing her 9yr old to 'babysit' all the other kids while they're sleeping and she goes out at night. Because of where they live, if they called her on her cell phone with a problem, she would take minimum 25mins to get home. She figures they're just as safe as if she's there, as she sleeps like a rock and nothing that happens while she asleep wakes her up (her response when people suggest she should be concerned about fire, as they do heat the house with a wood stove). Thankfully, she does have family with a house on the same large property, just a few minutes away.

 

So far, nothing negative has happened while she's been doing this, and now she's feeling comfortable enough with leaving her kids alone that she's left her 8 and 9yr old at home together for the better part of the day while she went shopping in a town that's 1.5hrs away.

 

She is upset that people are questioning her on this. I wish our province had some laws about this sort of thing!

 

I was thinking she was nuts until I read the bolded part. I don't have a problem with that at all, assuming that the family on the same property knows she is gone and is agreeable to "checking in" if necessary.

Edited August 1, 2011 by Renee in FL