I was rebuked for changing my neices' diaper....

[mhg]

We went to my parents home for a shindig recently.

Attendees:

My parents,

My husband, me and our 4 yo son,

My sister, her husband, and her 3 daughters (6, 4, 2).

My (maternal) uncle, his wife and 2 kids (ages 13boy and 12girl).

 

My sis and her husband had to run a quick errand so I offered to keep her kids there with us. The youngest (age 2.5) had a #2 diaper, so I went to change her and realized my sis had driven off with diaper bag. We found a swim diaper, so I took her back to the bathroom and cleaned her (with soap and water) having no wipes and set her down on a towel (having bathed her in sink). She runs out wrapped in the towel into the living room where everyone is gathered. I sit down on the floor (she's still in the towel) with her swim diaper and clothes and I turn her towards me so that her privates are aimed to me but not to the 13 yo boy. (the only males in the room were the 13yo boy and my 4yo son). I proceed to unwrap her and quickly slide on the swim diaper and my mom pipes up, "Maybe we should do this in a more private area?" My age 40 aunt, mother of the 13 year old son, also looks offended. Her son is not even looking our direction and is completely oblivious. It's not like he's a known weirdo/pervert.

 

Again, my little neice's top-of-head is aimed at him and I have the towel loosely over her anyway to keep her warm. So, in response to my mom, I say, "Oh I'm sorry; I didn't think anything of it." To which the 13yo's mom says, "Andrew hasn't seen his sister naked since they were babies." So, taking the cue, I got up with her and left the room to finish getting on her clothes. (It took my milliseconds to slide the swim diaper up in the first place).

 

I wonder what boys of much-younger siblings do in this world seeing their moms breastfeed and other such scandalous activities?!?!?!(sarcasm).

Do you moms with age spans of 13+ years, do you go to such links to keep your daughter's anatomy hidden from the brother?

 

 

I know young men have raging hormones and so I did choose our location with this in mind and aimed her accordingly, but wasn't this enough?

 

In short,

would you have asked me to relocate had this been your 13 year old son?

 

What are your thoughts?

[dangermom]

Way overreaction.

[OnTheBrink]

No, I'd not have asked you to move. There are 10 years between my kids, and it never occurred to me to hide my dd's naked hiney around my son.

[Aelwydd]

I think it was weird, very weird, that they were so uptight about it. She's 2, not 12.

[LittleIzumi]

My 19-year-old brother was well-trained here in the art of diaper changing (and cloth diapers! and breastfeeding in public! and discussion of natural childbirth!) and rather than being horribly scarred, he thinks it's all fabulous & hopes his future wife will do the same. If my other brother is out here at 18 he'll get the same treatment. So. ;)

[sunshine_librarian]

I think immediate family to the child, i.e. her own siblings, is no big deal to see a diaper change. I think in larger family situations, although no one would call me on it as inappropriate, it is a teaching moment for the child about privacy. I can also see how instilling the modesty in the small child could protect them if someone ever tried something inappropriate. It's better for them to learn these things a safe place, kwim?

[weddell]

I can't imagine a normal 13 year old caring one bit about seeing a half naked toddler. Or adults caring either. She's a baby, they get a free pass for things like that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

To which the 13yo's mom says, "Andrew hasn't seen his sister naked since they were babies."

 

"Good thing his cousin is still a baby then!"

[Mama2Many4]

I think that it was a huge overreaction on their part. Unless your cousin has been exhibiting curious behaviors toward children of the opposite sex, it was uncalled for to ask you to leave the room. You had already done everything that you could to shield the child's privacy.

 

My daughter is 2 and a streaker. It's VERY hard to keep her under wraps 100% of the time.

[Whereneverever]

Most 13 year old of my acquaintance change diapers. That includes the boys.

[LittleIzumi]

I think that it was a huge overreaction on their part. Unless your cousin has been exhibiting curious behaviors toward children of the opposite sex, it was uncalled for to ask you to leave the room. You had already done everything that you could to shield the child's privacy.

 

My daughter is 2 and a streaker. It's VERY hard to keep her under wraps 100% of the time.

 

I have a three-year-old streaker too. :glare: Her new nickname is "Peaches" :lol: because she keeps flashing them. Sigh. She knows better. She just does not care, lol.

[FrogMom5]

No, I wouldn't have asked you to leave w/the baby. I have boys age 15 and 10. Once in a while my dd, age 4, runs out to the living room buck naked or bottomless. Both boys turn their heads away and laugh. We don't make too big of an issue of it. What you did was fine.

Denise

[Mama2Many4]

I have a three-year-old streaker too. :glare: Her new nickname is "Peaches" :lol: because she keeps flashing them. Sigh. She knows better. She just does not care, lol.

 

:lol: She say's she likes the "wind" on her bum as she runs around. :tongue_smilie:

[LittleIzumi]

:lol: She say's she likes the "wind" on her bum as she runs around. :tongue_smilie:

 

Dd has walked in the house after preschool, heard the door shut, and said with a gusty sigh, "Now I can get NEKKID!" Which she promptly did.

 

Or to quote the old nightgown-wearer in Harry Potter, "I like a nice healthy breeze 'round my privates."

ETA: apologies to those who are not HP freaks and didn't automatically have that quote pop into their heads & were therefore a bit taken aback. :lol:

Edited May 27, 2011 by LittleIzumi

[OnTheBrink]

I have a three-year-old streaker too. :glare: Her new nickname is "Peaches" :lol: because she keeps flashing them. Sigh. She knows better. She just does not care, lol.

 

When my dd was 3, she ran out into the living room naked when our new landlords were over meeting us for the first time. :glare: As I scooped her up to take her in to get dressed (again), she hollered, "They wanna see my tushie!" I assured her they did NOT.

[dangermom]

she hollered, "They wanna see my tushie!" I assured her they did NOT.

:lol:

[Guest kphmschool3]

I think it is proof of our changing world....Sad and AWKWARD!!! Personally if I had noticed a 13 year old feeling that uncomfortable I would have pointed out that It was due time for them to learn how to care for a 2.5 year old for future reference!!! However that response is not the most polite. SO>> I think you handled the inappropriate response from "family" very well.

[happi duck]

To me it sounded like the family found it improper to change in front of others and thought it should be done in private.

 

I wouldn't have said anything but would've thought it was weird.

Edited May 27, 2011 by happi duck

[Cortana]

Shoot, my brother was babysitting some of the neighborhood kids at 13 and having to change diapers, never thought a thing of it and the cool part was because of that he's one of those rare men that has never minded changing his own kids' diapers, he's even changed my kids' diapers.

 

My almost 3yo dd loves nothing more than to walk out into the living room where everyone is gathered, throw open her towel and yell "ta da"! LOL! If she had her way, she'd be naked 24/7. Her older brothers were the same way at that age.

 

While I respect other's feelings on things like this, that response to the situation was not okay. How hard is it to quietly walk over to the person changing the diaper and say something like "it might be more comfortable for everyone if you took her into the bathroom/bedroom and dressed her".

 

OP, I think you handled it well.

[aggieamy]

I think it was weird, very weird, that they were so uptight about it. She's 2, not 12.

 

:glare:. :iagree:

 

I can't imagine a normal 13 year old caring one bit about seeing a half naked toddler. Or adults caring either. She's a baby, they get a free pass for things like that.

 

:iagree:.

 

Guess I'm just in an agreeable mood tonight. I come from a large family and there were always babies around and diapers being changed. It was generally assumed that you didn't change diapers in the kitchen or on the dining room table but otherwise dirty baby butts were a fact of life.

 

ETA: I take that back I remember my dad "hosing" either my baby brother or sister off in the kitchen sink once and then putting a diaper on them so I guess kitchen wasn't off limits.

[specialmama]

It sounds like the adults in the room (apart from you) know of some sort of family secret... :001_huh:

 

I think you handled it just fine and I hope the baby's mama agrees.

[Natalieclare]

I guess I'm the only one whose young teen son would be uncomfortable. It may be due to the quirkiness of his personality, but my son is very uncomfortable with nudity--of anybody, of any age. He doesn't even walk into the room if I'm changing my 1yob. If he'd been in the room, he'd have chosen to walk out. I don't really know where he gets his extreme modesty, but he has it nonetheless.

 

I certainly wouldn't have expected you to move to another room--my son's young with strong legs. He can scoot his tooshie to another place. I probably would have done exactly as you did, and changed her right there.

[NanceXToo]

I'm with everyone else. That was a (strange) over-reaction on their part.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I find the mom's reaction creepy. What is in her mind?:001_huh:

[DarlaS]

I find the mom's reaction creepy. What is in her mind?:001_huh:

 

That would depend. Did she get offended because of the naked baby or because of what the mom (This would be her MIL right?) implied about her boy?

 

ETA: Okay. I reread and saw the comment about his sister. Weird!

Edited May 27, 2011 by darlasowders

[mhg]

I find the mom's reaction creepy. What is in her mind?:001_huh:

Lovin' the streak stories!

 

This same mom slams homeschooling (she's a public school teacher).

That same day the subject of potty training came up as my sis is in the thick of potty training the 2.5 year old. We got into the dread of the child wiping their own backends and how messy that can be and how it's easier to do it yourself (mom) for a while rather than deal with the constant poop hand and toilet paper left up there. I told them that I still wiped my son (4) for that very reason (poo hand, lodged TP, etc.) but that I hoped to tackle him taking this over soon. To which the mom of 13yo said, "Since you're not sending him to school, you can just keep wiping his butt til he's 18 if you want." Another homeschooling slam. Let's just say her and my personalities are 180 to say the least.

[DarlaS]

Lovin' the streak stories!

 

This same mom slams homeschooling (she's a public school teacher).

That same day the subject of potty training came up as my sis is in the thick of potty training the 2.5 year old. We got into the dread of the child wiping their own backends and how messy that can be and how it's easier to do it yourself (mom) for a while rather than deal with the constant poop hand and toilet paper left up there. I told them that I still wiped my son (4) for that very reason (poo hand, lodged TP, etc.) but that I hoped to tackle him taking this over soon. To which the mom of 13yo said, "Since you're not sending him to school, you can just keep wiping his butt til he's 18 if you want." Another homeschooling slam. Let's just say her and my personalities are 180 to say the least.

 

I would have been like: "Yes!! That's a great idea!! Wish I'd thought of that!" :lol::lol:

 

What a ((&&ch. :glare:

[coffeegal]

Most 13 year old of my acquaintance change diapers. That includes the boys.

 

:iagree: All 3 of my older children change diapers, although it's not their favorite job. :lol:

[mom2scouts]

My boys were 17, 15, 12 and 4 when their little sister was born. They not only saw her diaper being changed and her being breastfed, but they sometimes changed her diaper. I think since you were trying to be modest with the little girl, your family was overreacting.

Edited May 27, 2011 by mom2scouts
clarification

[Carrie12345]

Definitely odd, imo. Most of the people I know (and at least 99.9% of my family - just leaving some room for error there, lol) changed diapers right in the middle of conversation. I've been around some whom I wish would not do so on public TABLES :001_huh:, but I've never given any thought to the age or genders around us.

 

I am working on getting my dds (turning 8 and 9) to quit flashing between the bathroom and their bedroom with a soon-to-be-13yo boy in the house, as well as working on the 4yo ds to quit streaking with 8 and 9yo girls in the house, but not in any sort of tragic, shameful way.

 

2 year olds rarely wear clothes in my house. ;)

[mhg]

That would depend. Did she get offended because of the naked baby or because of what the mom (This would be her MIL right?) implied about her boy?

 

She agreed with my mom and added her story to bolster that my changing her there was inappropriate. (Did I say that we were about 14 feet away from the 13yo also?). This from a woman who her / this let same 13yo child take baths with his 5+ year older cousin (on 13yo's mom side of the family) when they were like 8 and 13. Talking about some serious shared nudity!!! From my understanding of growth and anatomy, I'm not sure things in that department were quite equal / similar if you catch my drift.

 

I understand my mom's reaction more as she's always been over-the-top modest (she handmade my sister and I coulottes --- however you spell this ---- coulottes being those long shorts ----- when we played softball so we wouldn't have shorts about our knees). Not wearing a slip under a garment less than 1/4 thick (fabric-wise) is next door to purposely running over a kitten or puppy.

[ktgrok]

I guess I'm the only one whose young teen son would be uncomfortable. It may be due to the quirkiness of his personality, but my son is very uncomfortable with nudity--of anybody, of any age. He doesn't even walk into the room if I'm changing my 1yob. If he'd been in the room, he'd have chosen to walk out. I don't really know where he gets his extreme modesty, but he has it nonetheless.

 

I certainly wouldn't have expected you to move to another room--my son's young with strong legs. He can scoot his tooshie to another place. I probably would have done exactly as you did, and changed her right there.

 

Have you gently discussed with your son the difference between adult nudity and baby nudity? I mean, at some point he is going to be changing his kids diapers, ya know? I don't mean that as harsh,I just wonder if somehow he hasn't realized the difference. Babies CAN'T be modest....they would have to sit in their own poop for years if they were, lol.

 

Honestly, if a child is young enough to be in diapers he/she is young enough to be naked without worrying about modesty. I mean, that is just the nature of being a baby.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I think it was weird, very weird, that they were so uptight about it. She's 2, not 12.

 

:iagree:

[Word Nerd]

It would never have occurred to me that anyone would have a problem with it either. I would have likely said it's really not a big deal and blown it off.

[amy g.]

I think it is weird, but I have been in similar situations. I was changing my daughter on my MIL's living room floor. I should have gone to the bedroom, but it just didn't occur to me. My 2 and 4 year old nieces were talking to be, and their dad got all bent out of shape about their seeing their cousin being changed.

 

Another time, I had to take a just days old baby to a stranger's house for a social function. The mom made a big deal about how she breastfed, and how it was fine for me to sit on the bed to nurse the baby.

 

Boy, that all changed when her son got home from school. She sent him upstairs, and he could not come out of his room until I left.

 

People are weird.

 

To answer your question, my 15 year old son sees me nurse and helps change his sister's diaper. That is just family life around here.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Honestly, if a child is young enough to be in diapers he/she is young enough to be naked without worrying about modesty.

 

You should rethink this! It gives my 6y/o a nekie pass! :tongue_smilie:

 

My cousin's daughter, who has 2 older brothers, loves to do a naked dance everytime she's changed.

 

My other cousin's son is forever being told to get in the house and put some pants on.

 

My ds takes off his diaper in the morning and is naked until I throw clothes at him. Same thing after his bath. He's got no issue running outside naked, too! Obviously he has no sense of modesty.

[TravelingChris]

Obviously your mother and aunt(?) had an overreaction. It wasn't like you started to change her in a public place though I have seen lots of that. Whiule changing her, she ran out with a towel. Seems to me that trying to drag her back to the bathroom while naked under a towel would be more likely to have privates exposed. I am not even understanding why it was any kind of an issue. A toddler girl having a swim diaper slid on doesn't really show anything much except a tush if the front is facing away from others. Furthermore, you said the 13 yo boy was staring at the tv or game or whatever. Your comment was fine and it was an overreaction.

[Jen in PA]

How does this family handle things like locker rooms at the Y or swimming pool? The places we go usually have a sign saying that opposite sex children can't use the changing room past age 5 -- lots older than you are talking about.

[Ravin]

Most 13 year old of my acquaintance change diapers. That includes the boys.

 

:iagree:

 

Honestly, if a child is young enough to be in diapers he/she is young enough to be naked without worrying about modesty. I mean, that is just the nature of being a baby.

:iagree:

 

I'd have told my sister to stop being such an atavistic, dirty-minded prude, and asked if she was leaving the teaching of basic life skills like baby care and sex ed to the public schools, perhaps with an inquiry about the teen pregnancy rate in her son's school/district. Turnabout is fair game. If she's going to dish it, she should be able to take it.

[LisaKinVA]

Ummm.... overreaction. At 13yo, that boy should *know* how to change a baby's diaper (2yo toddler is fine too). My brother was babysitting little kids and changing diapers at that age.

[mommaduck]

Oh good grief! Honestly, I'm a skirt only person, wear a headcovering half the time, even sewed my girls bloomers when they were younger (they wear pants now). My kids, boys and girls, have helped change diapers, helped get siblings dressed, helped bathe siblings (I did all these things for some of my siblings and a cousin when I was growing up also...and my SIL and I have bathed our kids together as well as changed babies in the middle of a room full of family). It's part of having a BABY/TODDLER in the family! They are innocent and most older kids can also have that mindset if they are taught to (granted, I also have a couple of children that are extremely modest, but that simply means that they don't want the little ones, aka toddlers on up, in the room while THEY are changing, not that they can't be in the room while the toddler is being changed).

 

The only thing I can think of is either 1) they have an extreme fear of something dirty happening or being placed in someone's mine (seriously, they fear a toddler's pants being changed is going to dirty up their son's mind?) or 2) they were raised in a group that has this form or extremism (I've read a book from R&S where it talked about how women should hide in a bedroom to nurse or change a baby, opposite gender children should not see their infant sibling's diaper being changed, don't change a baby in front of men other than your husband, etc...it made me roll my eyes and think "what?!").

 

Oh, and my kids see one of my breasts hanging out half the time as I constantly have a baby attached to it. My teenage son will walk out of the room during a Victoria's Secret commercial and doesn't like seeing girls in trampy clothes (I'm not talking just shorts and a t...I'm talking uber trampy)...but he doesn't blink an eye when a woman is breastfeeding and would be the first to encourage a nurse in if someone has a problem with nursing in public. He will even tell you that society has things backwards.

Edited May 27, 2011 by mommaduck

[mommaduck]

Ummm.... overreaction. At 13yo, that boy should *know* how to change a baby's diaper (2yo toddler is fine too). My brother was babysitting little kids and changing diapers at that age.

 

:iagree: It's a life skill and what is he going to do when he's a dad? "sorry, honey, I can only change the baby's diaper if it's a boy...you're on your own with any girls"

[Pretty in Pink]

Oh, good grief. Yes, I believe that they overreacted. Some of my dh's relatives have similar reactions -- especially the 70+ crowd. Maybe it's an age thing.

[Harriet Vane]

Way overreaction.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Tarreymere]

Look at the ages of my kids. My sons change diapers, my daughters change diapers, they change the diapers of the grandbabies. Babies are babies, normal adolescent and adult members of the opposite gender don't get worked up over being in the vicinity of baby butt changing. Sorry, I think your family is nuts. Once a person is old enough to want to use to potty in privacy the that person is old enough to be modest.

[twoforjoy]

Babies CAN'T be modest....they would have to sit in their own poop for years if they were, lol.

 

Honestly, if a child is young enough to be in diapers he/she is young enough to be naked without worrying about modesty. I mean, that is just the nature of being a baby.

 

:iagree:

 

I think it's very, very odd to even think about "modesty" when discussing a baby or toddler.

 

I wonder if they would have had the same reaction if it had been a 13 yo girl and a 2 yo boy. My guess is no.

 

The only thing I can think of is either 1) they have an extreme fear of something dirty happening or being placed in someone's mine (seriously, they fear a toddler's pants being changed is going to dirty up their son's mind?) or 2) they were raised in a group that has this form or extremism (I've read a book from R&S where it talked about how women should hide in a bedroom to nurse or change a baby, opposite gender children should not see their infant sibling's diaper being changed, don't change a baby in front of men other than your husband, etc...it made me roll my eyes and think "what?!").

 

I'm wondering if there's a history of sexual abuse somewhere in the family, either involving the mother or one or more of the children, that the OP wasn't aware of? I still don't think the mother's reaction was a healthy or helpful one, but it might explain why she'd overreact the way she did.

[kalanamak]

Way overreaction.

 

:iagree: And your best reaction is to not react at all to it. :)

[Tarreymere]

I have to add, as for breastfeeding being immodest my kids are more concerned or curious when they see a baby getting a bottle. Breastfeeding is perfectly normal to them. My sons have even pretended to nurse a doll baby in play as young children (and even waddled around patting a shirt with a doll baby stuffed inside).

I remember my dad being horrified when he realized I was nursing one of my kids under a shawl one time...........like I was having sex in front of him or something. He couldn't see anything, but the thought of what was going on was killing him. I thought it was hilarious.

[justamouse]

LOL.

 

That is a non reality in my house. Big brothers were CHANGING the babies of both sexes. Everyone saw me BF, even football hold the twins. I'm happy for it. My boys will be great dads.

 

I guess some families are just more comfortable with that stuff.

[christine in al]

IF it seemed immodest for the 13 year old to be in the room HE could have been guided into leaving the room. Why not teach HIM to behave in a modest way.

 

Who knows what kind of emotional baggage was in the room. some researchers reported that a full 10% of women have been molested some time in their life. That's so you might can find some compassion for this weirdness.

 

Their problem, not yours. you sound creative and flexible and caring... my kinda woman.

 

~c.