I think another hs mom my be bullying my dd

[GWOB]

*Updated on pg. 8* I think my inner Momma Bear has calmed down enough to write about this in a coherent manner. Last Friday we had a group Valentine's Day party. We met at a church to exchange Velentines and have snack. Then we went to a paint-your-own-pottery store. I had all three kids there sitting at different tables. Oldest dd went up to put away her completed artwork while I was managing the other two. She came back and acted as though everything was fine. After finishing up at the pottery store, two other moms and I went back to the church to clean up. One of those moms came up to me and said "Did you see what Mrs. X did to your dd?" I didn't think anything of it since Mrs. X often says stupid things to everyone. Apparently, while dd was putting away her pottery, Mrs. X walked right through her, pushing her out of the way. No apology. No joking. She just completely pushed my kid out of the way without so much as a grunt, nod, or blink of an apology. A 10yo! A skinny, scrawny 10yo! After I got over the impluse to slash this woman's tires and scratch out her eyes, I casually asked dd about it. She said she was standing out of the way and Mrs. X just ran right into her, pushing her out of the way. Poor dd didn't understand why Mrs. X did it, but it didn't seem to bother her.

 

Now, this is not the first instance of Mrs. X somehow attacking my dd when I am not around. Last Christmas we had a hs choir program. The one time I dropped off dd and ds without staying, Mrs. X called out my dd and started yelling at her for no reason. I had two other moms tell me the exact same story concerning the incident. Again, after taming the urge to pull Mrs. X's hair out, I asked dd about it. She didn't understand why Mrs. X was yelling at her when she(dd) was following directions. The mom in charge said dd was not a problem.

 

There have been other stupid comments that I have ignored. Mrs. X is the mom that has to yell at everyone else's children to distract attention from the fact that her own children are usually physically fighting one another, throwing huge tantrums, or otherwise making a huge spectacle. She often, and I mean OFTEN picks out faults in other kids, then casually notes how wonderful her children are. That type of behavior I can ignore. I cannot ignore her singling out MY dd any longer.

 

So give me some advice on how to handle this situation. This woman also attends my church. making things a bit more complicated. I don't think I am over-reacting anymore. I've gotten over the urge to strangle her and leave a flaming bag of poop on her doorstep. I know another mom who has had to confront Mrs. X on her behavior, so I don't think it's just me. Help me! I'm not good at confrontation, well, at civilized confrontation. I don't mind it, but I tend to get a little loud when my kids are involved.

Edited February 17, 2011 by wendilouwho

[Lara in Colo]

Confrontation can lead to denial. I would watch closely and observe, then pounce!!!

 

Lara

[Renee in NC]

"Do not touch my child again. Do not speak to my child again. Do not speak about my child to anyone again. If you have a problem with her, come to *me* with the problem."

 

I would say that if it had gotten to the point that this lady has. I don't care about her children or how she thinks my child should behave. I generally don't care if other people correct my children when they are being obnoxious. However, I don't like people like you describe here.:glare:

[Mejane]

"Do not touch my child again. Do not speak to my child again. Do not speak about my child to anyone again. If you have a problem with her, come to *me* with the problem."

 

 

 

:iagree: I'd be clear that her actions have been observed by others so that she doesn't try to wiggle out of it. I'd also snarkily add that perhaps she should pay a bit more attention to her own brats... er, kids, and less to other people's, but you are probably much nicer than I. ;)

[GWOB]

Confrontation can lead to denial. I would watch closely and observe, then pounce!!!

 

Lara

 

My first thought was to just confront her. But then, yeah maybe she will just deny it. So for now, I think I'd just make sure my daughter wasn't out of my sight while that woman is anywhere near.

 

But talk about weird. I can't even begin to imagine why an adult would do something like that.

 

See, that is why I hesitate to talk to her about it. She does these things when I am not around. Other moms see it, but I don't. After the Christmas choir incident, I started watching my dc more closely around her. I caught her trying to yell (because it wasn't correcting, it was yelling) for no reason whatsoever. I thought we had moved past that craziness, but I guess not. However, it REALLY bugs me that she takes advantage of the fact that I am not right there by my kid to do something extreme. The lady creeps me out.

[Danestress]

I would have called her about the yelling. But since you didn't, I probably wouldn't bring up the pushing thing because I think that's an easy thing to deny. I can hear her saying some variation on, "It was a mistake, I did say sorry but maybe she didn't hear. It's no big deal, I just bumped. Why are you being so aggressive about this?"

 

I would just keep a close eye on it and try to monitor things so that you can "catch" her next time.

[GWOB]

:iagree: I'd be clear that her actions have been observed by others so that she doesn't try to wiggle out of it. I'd also snarkily add that perhaps she should pay a bit more attention to her own brats... er, kids, and less to other people's, but you are probably much nicer than I. ;)

 

I don't know about that;). I only look sweet.

[Stacy in NJ]

I'd just make sure I was present when I knew she was likely to be there. Otherwise, I'd let it go until you can catch her in the act.

 

I would have called her about the yelling. But since you didn't, I probably wouldn't bring up the pushing thing because I think that's an easy thing to deny. I can hear her saying some variation on, "It was a mistake, I did say sorry but maybe she didn't hear. It's no big deal, I just bumped. Why are you being so aggressive about this?"

 

I would just keep a close eye on it and try to monitor things so that you can "catch" her next time.

[gardening momma]

It doesn't matter if she denies it. Your confronting her will tell her that you won't put up with it. Make sure you tell her that other people have witnessed her in the act. Ignore any denials, just press your point. Be Mama Bear, and let her know you will continue to be Mama Bear if she keeps it up.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This isn't normal adult behavior. I would try to get together with others without Mrs. X. If that isn't possible, and it seems like she's specifically targeting this one dd, I would be watching dd10 whenever she had to go away from me. If Mrs. X even twitched in her direction, I would run an intercept course physically getting between them. Or if she's too far, I would call to your dd. Perhaps seeing that you are specifically talking and looking at your dd, will stop Mrs. X in her tracks. I'm another one that thinks that confronting Mrs. X would only lead to denial.

[mommy4ever]

This is where I get dh to step in. :lol:

 

He is an imposing figure when it comes to his kids.

 

He'd be very politically correct stating, it's been brought to his attention, by a few trusted family friends, that her 'dealings' have become inappropriate bordering verbal and physical abuse, whether these allegations are false or not, let it be known that we will not allow it to progress or continue. These 'dealings' with HIS daughter end here and now, and she should be sure nothing she does can be misinterpreted. She is not to yell, scold or otherwise 'correct' his child, that if she is having a problem with HIS daughter, it's to be brought to HIS attention of that of her mother.

[Remudamom]

Take her out. Tell her you won't put up with it, you won't listen to denial and you will end it.

 

If you want to be nice about it call the police and then your lawyer.

[RanchGirl]

This sounds insane.

 

I would call a meeting with the leaders and or the other moms, specifically bringing in the mother who witnessed the event to say what happened. Then confront this woman with the leader or defacto leader if there is no official leadership. Hopefully they will either kick her out of the group or give her one more change. Either way, tell her that if she touches your child again she you will file assault charges with the police and watch her like a hawk at any future occasion you have to be around her. Bring a sitter/spouse along to assist with your other children if necessary.

 

I would not use the word bullying, as that is not what this is IMO and it minimizes/distracts from the issue. It sounds more like physical assault.

[justamouse]

Here's the thing that bugs me about it-i you let it pass one more time, what does that say to your Dd? That there's an acceptable threshold for abuse?

 

And, yes, that's a strong word, but we're talking about a kid and an adult here, this is not a peer relationship.

[Hedgehog]

Bizarre - and creepy. I'm not sure what this lady's issue could be, but she behaving inappropriately IMO. Can you have your DH speak with her? Or the group leader?

 

Can you have your DD with you from here on out, or failing that always make sure she is with another trusted adult friend?

[elegantlion]

This isn't normal adult behavior. I would try to get together with others without Mrs. X. If that isn't possible, and it seems like she's specifically targeting this one dd, I would be watching dd10 whenever she had to go away from me. If Mrs. X even twitched in her direction, I would run an intercept course physically getting between them. Or if she's too far, I would call to your dd. Perhaps seeing that you are specifically talking and looking at your dd, will stop Mrs. X in her tracks. I'm another one that thinks that confronting Mrs. X would only lead to denial.

 

This sounds insane.

 

I would call a meeting with the leaders and or the other moms, specifically bringing in the mother who witnessed the event to say what happened. Then confront this woman with the leader or defacto leader if there is no official leadership. Hopefully they will either kick her out of the group or give her one more change. Either way, tell her that if she touches your child again she you will file assault charges with the police and watch her like a hawk at any future occasion you have to be around her. Bring a sitter/spouse along to assist with your other children if necessary.

 

I would not use the word bullying, as that is not what this is IMO and it minimizes/distracts from the issue. It sounds more like physical assault.

 

:iagree: and think there is a good compromise between these two. 1. The woman would not be alone near my dd again, confrontation or not. 2. The leaders need to be made aware of the situation. If nothing to let them know Mrs. X has no authority or charge over your dd.

 

I would also have a frank discussion with dd. I would tell her Mrs. X is ...weird, odd, unstable...whatever word you chose to make sure dd is be on guard around her. And give her explicit instructions that she is report any other odd happening to you.

 

At least even if you chose not to confront her personally then everyone else around you knows.

[GWOB]

This is where I get dh to step in. :lol:

 

He is an imposing figure when it comes to his kids.

 

He'd be very politically correct stating, it's been brought to his attention, by a few trusted family friends, that her 'dealings' have become inappropriate bordering verbal and physical abuse, whether these allegations are false or not, let it be known that we will not allow it to progress or continue. These 'dealings' with HIS daughter end here and now, and she should be sure nothing she does can be misinterpreted. She is not to yell, scold or otherwise 'correct' his child, that if she is having a problem with HIS daughter, it's to be brought to HIS attention of that of her mother.

 

First of all, I am MUCH scarier than my dh. Second, our church situation complicates things. Mrs. X is our SS Superintendent and I am a SS teacher. Dh is a trustee and Mrs. X's dh is the head trustee. Finally, dh thinks Mrs. X is downright nuts, so he just ignores her.

 

Take her out. Tell her you won't put up with it, you won't listen to denial and you will end it.

 

If you want to be nice about it call the police and then your lawyer.

 

I was specifically waiting for your reply;). Love it!

This sounds insane.

 

I would call a meeting with the leaders and or the other moms, specifically bringing in the mother who witnessed the event to say what happened. Then confront this woman with the leader or defacto leader if there is no official leadership. Hopefully they will either kick her out of the group or give her one more change. Either way, tell her that if she touches your child again she you will file assault charges with the police and watch her like a hawk at any future occasion you have to be around her. Bring a sitter/spouse along to assist with your other children if necessary.

 

I would not use the word bullying, as that is not what this is IMO and it minimizes/distracts from the issue. It sounds more like physical assault.

 

I agree with you to a point. She was bullying before. When she got physical, she took it to the next level.

 

About the group. We are an informal group. There is no leadership, and many of us like it that way. We have a PE class weekly that this "lady" attends with her kids. I had been watching her like a hawk. I slacked and this happened. While I hate to do it, I will likely have to go into helicopter parent mode from now on.

[kalanamak]

"Do not touch my child again. Do not speak to my child again. Do not speak about my child to anyone again. If you have a problem with her, come to *me* with the problem."

 

 

I would do this, but don't be surprised if it does not work, and you have to avoid her consciously. I suspect she is a bit nuts, a la paranoid personality disorder. "Reasonable people" whom you can reason with, have figured this out by this age. She is unreasonable. Whatever the cause, be proactive in protecting your daughter. I would calmly, un-cattily, enlist the help of others, too.

 

:grouphug:

[waa510]

Here's the thing that bugs me about it-i you let it pass one more time, what does that say to your Dd? That there's an acceptable threshold for abuse?

 

And, yes, that's a strong word, but we're talking about a kid and an adult here, this is not a peer relationship.

 

 

:iagree: I wouldn't personally wait until you catch her in the act b/c I feel she will deny it anyway. I would tell her it needs to end *now* or the police *will*get involved. It absolutely is not acceptable and I would not let it continue.

[FlockOfSillies]

She goes to church with you? Perfect. You've got Matthew 18 for an instruction manual. First pull her aside alone, then if there's still a problem, bring a couple of witnesses, then just keep working your way up the food chain.

[Alison in KY]

Here's the thing that bugs me about it-i you let it pass one more time, what does that say to your Dd? That there's an acceptable threshold for abuse?

 

And, yes, that's a strong word, but we're talking about a kid and an adult here, this is not a peer relationship.

 

I agree, as tough as it would be, I think she needs to be warned.

[mommaduck]

If I was too upset to deal with the confrontation myself, I would take it up with my priest.

[Karen in CO]

It doesn't matter if she denies it. Your confronting her will tell her that you won't put up with it. Make sure you tell her that other people have witnessed her in the act. Ignore any denials, just press your point. Be Mama Bear, and let her know you will continue to be Mama Bear if she keeps it up.

:iagree:

THis. If the woman creeps you out, listen to that.

Have you read Protecting the Gift? You are dismissing your own protective instincts to avoid appearing rude or appear that you are overreacting. You have those feelings, listen to them.

[dcurry]

I agree with most of the above- but I think you need to get some other concerned mom's together and confront her. Rather, you should inform your dh and let him talk to this woman's husband. He might be able to find out what the problem is and talk to her about it.

 

It seems the moms in the informal homeschool group could tell her at the next incident that if it happens again, her kids won't be allowed to participate in the group. No-one should have to hover over their children during a group activity. Watch, yes. Hover? no.

[Tree House Academy]

I think I would make it known that I was watching her by being pretty obvious with it. As soon as I saw her step out of line, I'd probably go ahead with the "strangle her" plan. *oh wait...that was NOT what you wanted to hear*

[Remudamom]

She goes to church with you? Perfect. You've got Matthew 18 for an instruction manual. First pull her aside alone, then if there's still a problem, bring a couple of witnesses, then just keep working your way up the food chain.

 

I did this once, but in a situation where a friend was destroying herself by her actions. She just denied it, but at least I had the satisfaction of knowing I had done my best.

 

It would be harder for me to take that calm route if my children were being bullied.

[Word Nerd]

Who cares if she denies it? I don't get why several posters think that matters, as if the OP is dealing with a rational, reasonable person. She needs to know that it ends now, and her behavior needs to be confronted. I wouldn't do it alone, though.

[justamouse]

I feel bad for you, too, because she obviously needs church.

 

Maybe the best course is to ask a few of the mothers to go in to the priest to talk about it and have him say something?

 

As much as I didn't want her around my kid-I wouldn't want her to leave church, either.

[GWOB]

I feel bad for you, too, because she obviously needs church.

 

Maybe the best course is to ask a few of the mothers to go in to the priest to talk about it and have him say something?

 

As much as I didn't want her around my kid-I wouldn't want her to leave church, either.

 

Oh, she doesn't need church. She's the best Lutheran EVER!!!:001_rolleyes: :ack2:

 

Other women at church know how she is. The mom I mentioned that confronted her before attends our church, though she isn't a homeschooler. Crazy lady and I are the only homeschoolers at our church. She would never leave the church. She would try to convince people I should. Luckily most people know she's nuts.

[justamouse]

Oh, she doesn't need church. She's the best Lutheran EVER!!!:001_rolleyes: :ack2:

 

 

 

Oh, one of those.

 

Good luck, then! :D

[Danestress]

Oh, she doesn't need church. She's the best Lutheran EVER!!!:001_rolleyes: :ack2:

 

Other women at church know how she is. The mom I mentioned that confronted her before attends our church, though she isn't a homeschooler. Crazy lady and I are the only homeschoolers at our church. She would never leave the church. She would try to convince people I should. Luckily most people know she's nuts.

 

It seems like everyone is talking about her. Your friends witness her behavior and tell you, but did any of them say to her, 'Hey, did you realize you just pushed this child?" People are telling you that she is nuts, etc. On one hand, it seems like really icky gossipy bad mouthing. Stuff that shouldn't be happening in a church. On the other hand, is seems like you are maybe in a community (church, hs) dealing with a very difficult personality and trying to cope with it.

 

I think it needs to start to be addressed. Your daughter needs to hear how you think she should handle it. People who witness problems need to address them rationally and calmly. I know you are probably joking, but you make a lot of "tear her eyes out" type jokes. Just make sure that if you choose to address her directly, you are calm and generous hearted. I sometimes think that the most upset person should NOT be the one to address it. I might think talking to someone in leadership in the group or at church is a good idea. But at some point, people need to stop talking about this woman in a "can you believe how awful" kind of way and need to either (1) talk to her or (2) talk to someone in authority who honors confidentiality and/or (3) pray really earnestly.

[simka2]

If it were me I would calmly but firmly say, "I have noticed and it has been brought to my attention by others, that you have some sort of issue with my child. I don't care what it is, but it needs to stop. You are an adult, she is a child. From now on I expect you to treat her with the utmost respect and kindness. I will be watching for this, and if I am not present I will have another mom watching for me. I am sure this will be easy for you to do, as your Christian character is so well noted."

 

That's it ;).

[aggieamy]

It doesn't matter if she denies it. Your confronting her will tell her that you won't put up with it. Make sure you tell her that other people have witnessed her in the act. Ignore any denials, just press your point. Be Mama Bear, and let her know you will continue to be Mama Bear if she keeps it up.

 

:iagree: I wouldn't personally wait until you catch her in the act b/c I feel she will deny it anyway. I would tell her it needs to end *now* or the police *will*get involved. It absolutely is not acceptable and I would not let it continue.

 

I agree with these two ladies. No need to catch her in the act. If I trust the eye witnesses then I don't need anymore proof then that. Next time I see her I'd get real close, look her right in the eye, and tell her in a real low voice that she is to never lay a hand on any of my children again. She is to never yell at any of my children again. If she does then I will be taking the matter up with a lawyer or the police.

 

I'm sure at this point there will be all kinds of sputtering and pretending like she doesn't know what your talking about. I would ignore that and maybe repeat that she is to never touch nor yell at my children again. It's amazing how direct eye contact, a totally calm expression, and a low serious voice can really get someone's attention. If you really want to be awkard then go ahead and lean uncomfortably into her personal space.

 

Good luck!

[Murphy101]

Luckily most people know she's nuts.

 

Obviously NOT if they let the wacko head Sunday school!:001_huh:

 

WHY are you still leaving your kids around her without you when you know there's a crazy lady around?:001_huh:

 

Why the heck didn't the actual teacher at choir or whatever step in and defend dd against the loon?

 

I would refuse to deal with her, up to and including finding another church and choir. I don't have much respect for people who just stand about ignored such behavior. It doesn't sound like any of them have the best interests of the children if they supposedly know this woman is nuts and permit her to have a leadership role and ignore her behavior towards another child.

 

I would have a talk with my dd about how to address this woman.

 

For example, saying something WHEN IT HAPPENS. Not just to me either. For example, when crazy lady was shoving, dd could say, "hey! Didn't you see me?!". Bringing the woman's rude behavior to the awareness of everyone in the room and letting her know that people, including your dd, aren't going to just ore tend they didn't see it.

 

And last, but most importantly, I would tell her to leave your kid alone. And I would tell my kids they are not permitted to be around her.

 

And if she did anything, I'd say something that moment and with witnesses.

[elizabeth]

"Do not touch my child again. Do not speak to my child again. Do not speak about my child to anyone again. If you have a problem with her, come to *me* with the problem."

 

I would say that if it had gotten to the point that this lady has. I don't care about her children or how she thinks my child should behave. I generally don't care if other people correct my children when they are being obnoxious. However, I don't like people like you describe here.:glare:

 

This is perfect. I agree and think that Renee has nailed it.

[lisamarie]

I had been watching her like a hawk. I slacked and this happened. While I hate to do it, I will likely have to go into helicopter parent mode from now on.

 

If you do this, I would talk to your DD and tell her why you are sticking to her like glue so she doesn't freak out. I would also ask your DD if anything else has happened that no one told you about. Then tell her how to handle it in the future (tell you immediately, never leave the common area with her, if she starts yelling at her to just walk away and get another adult, etc).

 

From there, since your HS group is not a church sponsored group, I don't think getting the pastor involved is necessary. I would talk to her directly. If that doesn't work, I would work your way up following the Matthew 18 way. If you don't want to completely ruin your church relationship and potentially divide the church, this needs to be handled in the best way possible.

[FO4UR]

Teach your dd 2 words. "BACK OFF!!!" Loud and forceful.

 

Teach her to avoid putting herself in a position near this woman, if reasonable. Make sure she knows that she has your permission to simply leave and get you no matter what any other adult says to her. The yelling incident might have ended differently if she would have said, "Excuse me. Let's finish this conversation with my lawyer....um, mother present." and simply turned and left.

 

Teach her to go about her own business, doing the right things (like she has been doing), and never let a bully run over her. "Excuse me" is for those little accidents that pop up now and then...smiles diffuse an awkward moment..."BACK OFF" communicates that she is not an easy target for abuse.

 

Do not trust the other women to watch out for your dd. They already proved that they will stand there, not say anything, and then tell you all about it later...for the shock value???:glare:

 

We work so hard to teach our dc to be respectful and polite, but those rules assume that the adults have the child's best interest at heart. Sadly, that's just not always the case.:grouphug:

 

My dc would not be put under this woman's authority in any capacity, and I would make it clear to the clergy EXACTLY why.

[CarrieF]

I don't understand how a person who acts like this toward and around children is allowed to be SUPERINTENDENT of Sunday School?! Sounds like she has some pretty serious personality/insecurity/reality issues to me. In my experience, people like this will NEVER see their faults (no matter how many or how obvious), so you likely won't change her. Having said that, if you change how you treat/act toward/respond to her, she will have to change to some extent. There is no "beating around the bush" with people like this: make a clear and strong statement letting her know that it has been brought to your attention that her behavior and words toward your daughter are completely unacceptable and you want them to S-T-O-P. If that doesn't do the trick, take a trusted friend (or ten!) to confront her. If it doesn't end there, go to your pastor. No one who acts like this has ANY business leading children, especially in a church where their conduct is supposed to DRAW people to Christ?! :001_huh: I mean no disrespect to your church, please understand, it just sounds like she has some pretty deep-seated issues. So sorry for you and DD.

[RanchGirl]

WHOA. I must not have been reading closely. This is the superintendent of the Sunday School? And she is known to act like this in general?

 

I would file a complaint, in writing, with her superior, followed up by a meeting in person to confirm the details, the witnesses, and the other issues you have heard about. Then I would speak to her directly, with a witness, to let her know she may not in any way touch your child ever again. Then I would remove my child from any class where she has authority, and I would launch an all out campaign to get other parents to do the same until no child is left under this psycho's authority.

[Susan C.]

and leave a flaming bag of poop on her doorstep.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Sorry you are having to deal with this. I like your idea!

[Scarlett]

I think my inner Momma Bear has calmed down enough to write about this in a coherent manner. Last Friday we had a group Valentine's Day party. We met at a church to exchange Velentines and have snack. Then we went to a paint-your-own-pottery store. I had all three kids there sitting at different tables. Oldest dd went up to put away her completed artwork while I was managing the other two. She came back and acted as though everything was fine. After finishing up at the pottery store, two other moms and I went back to the church to clean up. One of those moms came up to me and said "Did you see what Mrs. X did to your dd?" I didn't think anything of it since Mrs. X often says stupid things to everyone. Apparently, while dd was putting away her pottery, Mrs. X walked right through her, pushing her out of the way. No apology. No joking. She just completely pushed my kid out of the way without so much as a grunt, nod, or blink of an apology. A 10yo! A skinny, scrawny 10yo! After I got over the impluse to slash this woman's tires and scratch out her eyes, I casually asked dd about it. She said she was standing out of the way and Mrs. X just ran right into her, pushing her out of the way. Poor dd didn't understand why Mrs. X did it, but it didn't seem to bother her.

 

Now, this is not the first instance of Mrs. X somehow attacking my dd when I am not around. Last Christmas we had a hs choir program. The one time I dropped off dd and ds without staying, Mrs. X called out my dd and started yelling at her for no reason. I had two other moms tell me the exact same story concerning the incident. Again, after taming the urge to pull Mrs. X's hair out, I asked dd about it. She didn't understand why Mrs. X was yelling at her when she(dd) was following directions. The mom in charge said dd was not a problem.

 

There have been other stupid comments that I have ignored. Mrs. X is the mom that has to yell at everyone else's children to distract attention from the fact that her own children are usually physically fighting one another, throwing huge tantrums, or otherwise making a huge spectacle. She often, and I mean OFTEN picks out faults in other kids, then casually notes how wonderful her children are. That type of behavior I can ignore. I cannot ignore her singling out MY dd any longer.

 

So give me some advice on how to handle this situation. This woman also attends my church. making things a bit more complicated. I don't think I am over-reacting anymore. I've gotten over the urge to strangle her and leave a flaming bag of poop on her doorstep. I know another mom who has had to confront Mrs. X on her behavior, so I don't think it's just me. Help me! I'm not good at confrontation, well, at civilized confrontation. I don't mind it, but I tend to get a little loud when my kids are involved.

 

I got no real answers but gotta say I LOVE your vivid descriptions of what you want to do to her. Tee hee.

[AnitaMcC]

I would confront her and tell her respectfully and in no uncertain terms that she is to never ever touch, talk, yell, look at my children ever again. That if there is a problem regarding my children, then she is to come to me and discuss it in respectful manner, that you will not tolerate her inappropriate behavior/attitude towards your children ever again.

 

She may try to deny it but you can inform her that her actions have been witnessed repeatedly and from several other adults. And then repeat that you will not tolerate her bullying your children, and that if there is a legitament problem regarding your children, then she is to come directly to you.

[myfunnybunch]

I agree with the others who think you should say something to her.

 

If she denies it, just tell her you're not asking her to confirm or deny what did or didn't happen. You're telling her the behavior you expect from her in the future.

 

Cat

[AnitaMcC]

WHOA. I must not have been reading closely. This is the superintendent of the Sunday School? And she is known to act like this in general?

 

I would file a complaint, in writing, with her superior, followed up by a meeting in person to confirm the details, the witnesses, and the other issues you have heard about. Then I would speak to her directly, with a witness, to let her know she may not in any way touch your child ever again. Then I would remove my child from any class where she has authority, and I would launch an all out campaign to get other parents to do the same until no child is left under this psycho's authority.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[weat4]

I ended a long term friendship (we'd been friends since college and we are not young) over this very issue. My "friend" targeted my oldest daughter and taught her kids to do it too. Her husband was part of it also. It was so sick and twisted that it took us a bit to realize it was REALLY happening. I confronted her almost 3 years ago and haven't talked to her at all since. My daughter and her mental health came first. To be honest, it was a relief not to be friends with her anymore. She obviously had issues I'd overlooked for too long and to the detriment of my sweet girl.

Be strong!

[PiCO]

This is where I get dh to step in. :lol:

 

He is an imposing figure when it comes to his kids.

 

He'd be very politically correct stating, it's been brought to his attention, by a few trusted family friends, that her 'dealings' have become inappropriate bordering verbal and physical abuse, whether these allegations are false or not, let it be known that we will not allow it to progress or continue. These 'dealings' with HIS daughter end here and now, and she should be sure nothing she does can be misinterpreted. She is not to yell, scold or otherwise 'correct' his child, that if she is having a problem with HIS daughter, it's to be brought to HIS attention of that of her mother.

 

Really? You ask your dh to intimidate other women for you?

 

I don't understand why you wouldn't just use the above script (which is very good) and deal with the problem yourself.

[Laurie4b]

One of those moms came up to me and said "Did you see what Mrs. X did to your dd?" I didn't think anything of it since Mrs. X often says stupid things to everyone. ...

Mrs. X called out my dd and started yelling at her for no reason. I had two other moms tell me the exact same story concerning the incident...The mom in charge said dd was not a problem.

 

There have been other stupid comments that I have ignored.

 

Mrs. X is the mom that has to yell at everyone else's children to distract attention from the fact that her own children ..... She often, and I mean OFTEN picks out faults in other kids, then casually notes how wonderful her children are. That type of behavior I can ignore.

.

 

One thing I think is worth pondering is what it is about this woman that causes adults to give her wide berth rather than confronting her. That's a serious question because it may help you figure out how to proceed. For instance, you said you ignored stuff. Other moms saw her do inappropriate things (yelling, pushing) and came and tattled, but didn't intervene. At your church, "everyone knows this woman is nuts" but yet, she's Sun Sch Superintendant and her husband is head of the trustees. This woman (maybe her dh) must be wielding some kind of power that makes others feel kind of powerless (hence, the tattling, putting her in positions of authority,etc.)

 

I think there are two issues: 1) The way she treats your kids and other kids in hs situations and 2) protecting your church. I would talk with her directly about her interactions with your dd. Tell her that you've heard about the yelling and the pushing. Tell her from now on, you want her to come to you with any discipline needs. (You might alternately want to bring this issue up in the group and see if the group can decide that everyone disiplines her own children. When people see kids acting up, they tell the parent.) I would also let her know that you know about the pushing incident from two witnesses and that you expect that she will make sure that she is not in a position where that could happen either accidentally or on purpose again. You can talk with her when other moms are around (even if not part of the communication) so she can't accuse you of yelling at her, etc. OR write her a letter that you've worded very carefully and send it certified mail. Keep a copy. (I'm trying to think of ways to protect yourself from her escalating and creating a drama and telling false things about you. )

 

 

Protecting your church: your church is legally liable for this woman's behavior and anything she does to children. People know she is "nuts" yet leave her in a position with children. In this case, I would go to the pastor directly and just describe what has happened in your hs group.

 

I would write down right now what happened re: the pushing incident. If you end up with future incidents, having a written record will be helpful if you go to the police.

[PiCO]

I think you should take a two-pronged approach.

 

1. Tell her in no uncertain terms that numerous people have told you about inappropriate behaviors on her part (describe behavior.) Don't give her a chance to deny, just say this behavior must stop, and she needs to come to you directly if your daughter's behavior is not acceptable.

 

2. Tell dd to react loudly when this woman abuses her. If the woman pushes dd out of the way, dd should say loudly, "Ow! Oh, excuse me! I didn't know I was in your way!" If the woman reprimands your dd unneccesarily, dd should say loudly, "I'm sorry- I have no idea what I was doing wrong. Can you please explain it to me?"

 

And then you should ask the woman what happed when you hear dd making statements.

 

This will let the woman know you are aware of her behavior, and it will make the behavior more obvious to anyone near dd.

[GWOB]

Thanks for all your comments. I decided to ask my pastor for help.I think this has too much of a potential for causing trouble in the church, so I want him to be there when I speak to her. I emailed him tonight and will call him in the morning. I spoke to dd about the situation tonight. She told me another story of how Mrs. X corrected dd when dd informed Mrs. X that her child was punching her(dd). This woman has to be stopped. Hopefully having our pastor there will help her realize she is acting like a child, though I realize you just can't fix crazy.

[~Amanda~]

keep us updated on the situation! I hope it all works out okay.