Friends who get "more" at Christmas

[shinyhappypeople]

One of my DDs' best friends just stopped by to play. She's newly 7 and a great kid.

 

Well, her parents got her an ipod Touch for Christmas. (I had to google it to make sure I knew what it was... I'm so out of touch :tongue_smilie:) My older DD is 7 and is very influenced by what her friends have. For example, she doesn't really play with dolls, but all of a sudden absolutely NEEDED a Moxie Girl for Christmas (no, I didn't get her one, because she ignores the dolls she already has).

 

So now I'm dreading the "I want an ipod Touch" conversation. We can't afford it and even if we could I wouldn't pony up $200 for any gift right now. She's a kid and can be rough on her toys.

 

I'm just feeling weird about all this. Honestly, we spent $200 on ALL the girls gifts (total, put together) and they've had a blast playing with them (pillow pets, sprayza pens, blendy pens, stuff like that).

 

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Just thinking out loud, I guess.

 

I'm worried about my kids becoming totally materialistic and wanting things just because their friends have them and they're cool and trendy.

 

Their 10 yo cousin has had an iphone for a couple of years, I think, and older DD wants one of those, too. Ha. You're SEVEN. Get a job, sweetpea, and then we'll talk about an iphone.

 

For the record, I don't really care what other parents buy their kids. It's not my business. I just dread when my DD comes home with a wish list of Cool Stuff that she's not gonna get no matter how much she begs. She wouldn't even KNOW about this stuff if her friends didn't have them. :tongue_smilie:

 

This has gone into full blown rambling, so I'll stop know. If you've read this far, thank you :001_smile:

[Mabelen]

:grouphug: I completely understand! We have the same problem going here with my 6 yo and some of her friends.

 

For things like an I Touch I feel fine telling her that 6 is too young for them and that while her friends' parents may feel differently, I as her mom do what I think is best for her.

 

What I find harder are the things that I would love her to have but simply can't afford to. We do talk about different families having different budgets etc but I sometimes wish we could afford some of those really nice age appropriate presents for her too. We talk about some of these families having two working parents and the fact that there is a trade off, but some of them have a stay at home parent too with plenty of cash to spare so that argument doesn't hold all the time!

[cdrumm4448]

It can be difficult when you choose something different for your child. I was having a conversation with another mom recently, and I mentioned I feel bad for going over my Christmas budget for my kids ($150 each). She said they spend $1,000 per child (ONE THOUSAND!) I think my mouth dropped open and I just stared at her, I was so shocked.

[specialmama]

We just tell our dd to be happy for her friend. A good friend will rejoice in her friend's blessings and not be jealous, no matter what the situation. Whether it's more toys, more friends, better clothes, or a car at 16, a house at 22, a husband at 24. It's all good, because every family is different. I actively demonstrate my joy to my dd: I have recently expressed my sincere happiness over a friend who has a new friend in her life. Am I jealous that my friend sometimes mentions her new friend? Heck no! I'm thankful that God brought a good person into my friend's life.

[elegantlion]

We had several of those different standards for different families conversations. :grouphug:

[Lolly]

Just personality. One out of my four is like that. She is just into stuff. It is okay. It is good to learn that you can't have it all. Dd still wants it all, but she knows it isn't going to happen.;)

[blakereese]

IKWYM....we have had conversations about this in the past. All of my DS' 7yo friends have a nintendo DS (and most of their younger siblings do, too). We have one that started out as mine, but is now sort of a family thing. My DS plays it on car trips or we'll take it when we have to wait at the Dr. office or something like that. He really doesn't ask to play it much and I am glad...I don't want him to become a video game couch potato this young. That and it is so expensive, and at that age they are careless with things. He is mostly understanding that we all share it, and it is only for certain times...but he has asked why J or T have their own and can play it whenever they want.

 

I guess it is good for kids to realize that all families are different, and to be grateful for what you do have. (I know I sound like my parents when I say that, which I swore I would never do...but hey, they were right! :lol:)

 

I am amazed at what some of our friends' kids were getting this year. Very expensive items that I feel are usually for teens or adults, but were for elementary aged kids. I guess have the "less is more" attitude. And it is a good thing. My kids' fave items are the hershey chocolate bars, tape measure from the dollar store, and some random tchotchkes that my husband picked up at work for free. :D

 

(BTW, I feel like this is another benefit of homeschooling...last year my son was in school and wanted all kinds of things just because his friends talked about them. Things he never would have looked at again. Now he doesn't even know what is "cool" this year, and he asked for more age-appropriate fun toys, instead of things that his friends wanted. I love it.)

[Cindyz]

When my son asks for something, I say, "Yes! you can put it on your wish list". >big smile< and he says ok! If he asks for it again...which usually he doesn't because he's only 6 and he forgets about it soon enough (I know this will eventually change), then I'll ask him how he might be able to get something from his wish list. We might talk about doing chores, saving allowance, waiting for a birthday or Christmas, etc. Sometimes he actually saves up for it and that's great! Usually, he doesn't but the desire eventually wanes. I just try not to get worked up over it when he asks for things and I definitely try not to say no or tell him that we can't afford it. I look for ways to say yes!

 

 

:: Say YES to Desire ::

 

When your child asks for something you don't want to

provide, you might fall into the trap of competitive,

thinking:

 

If I say yes, I lose; but if I say no, he'll cry.

I lose either way.

 

Today, try this alternative to competition: The moment

your child asks for something, say YES without even

thinking. But you're not saying, "Yes, I will make it

happen," you're saying yes to the deliciousness of

desire and appreciating the unlimited number of ways

any desire can be fulfilled.

 

If the request is specifically for YOU to do it,

connect with the broader, underlying desire. For

example, if she asked you to play with her, perhaps

*any* playmate would do, or maybe she wants to

connect with you through *any* activity.

 

But don't *try* to solve it. Your "YES-energy" will

*attract* an inspired solution. It'll feel like a

miracle... but only because it is. :-)

[i.love.lucy]

My dd is a "stuff" kid too. She saved all her allowance for a year to pay for 1/2 of a refurbushed iTouch. We bought the other 1/2 for her birthday and felt good about rewarding her diligence.

 

I like giving allowance because it enables me to allow them to buy whatever they want if they have the money for it. My little guy spends his $2 pretty quick but he will grow into appreciating saving like his sister has.

 

I also tell my kids that with age comes increased responsibility (more schoolwork and chores) but also more priveledge. If you get every expensive piece of technology or every whim you want, what is there to look forward to? I often think those parents are compensating for lack of time spent with their kids.:confused:

Edited December 26, 2010 by i.love.lucy

[dangermom]

My 10yo daughter just came home from church struggling with those feelings. (I went home with a cold.) Most of her friends got video game consoles--Wii or DS or something, often for the whole family. We had a lovely Christmas, but we couldn't afford much and I made about 80% of the presents. And she loves her presents, and she isn't a terribly materialistic kid--I don't even know that she wants a Wii very badly. She's just struggling with those feelings of 'everybody else got fancy cool stuff that we can't afford,' which I think are feelings that almost everyone has sometimes. Me too!

[Joyofsixreboot]

I remember that feeling as a kid when all my friends seemed to get more 'stuff' and my own kids have had the same. I think it's normal and something to be worked through. I explain to my kids that every family has different needs and standards and our family doesn't do/buy whatever it is. We do three presents per kid and it's hard for them when their friends get 20 but we just explain someone will always have more things and the only way to be happy is to appreciate what you have and not envy what you don't have. Over time that gets easier for them to understand.

[Catwoman]

If you get every expensive piece of technology or every whim you want, what is there to look forward to? I often think those parents are compensating for lack of time spent with their kids.:confused:

 

Maybe that is true in some cases, but I have to admit that I get a little tired of hearing that parents only buy expensive things for their kids because they have some sense of guilt. Some of us buy all of the latest things for their kids because they can afford it, and because they enjoy buying nice things for their children. Not all kids who "have it all" are obnoxious little brats.

 

I spent a few thousand dollars on my ds10 for Christmas, and I don't regret it a bit. He is very happy with his new stuff -- most of which wasn't on his Christmas list, but was purchased because my dh or I thought he would like it -- and he can't wait to play with all of it with the neighbor kids. He doesn't brag or show off; he is a kind and generous boy who just happens to be fortunate enough to get lots of presents.

 

 

Cat

[PinkInTheBlue]

Maybe that is true in some cases, but I have to admit that I get a little tired of hearing that parents only buy expensive things for their kids because they have some sense of guilt. Some of us buy all of the latest things for their kids because they can afford it, and because they enjoy buying nice things for their children. Not all kids who "have it all" are obnoxious little brats.

 

I spent a few thousand dollars on my ds10 for Christmas, and I don't regret it a bit. He is very happy with his new stuff -- most of which wasn't on his Christmas list, but was purchased because my dh or I thought he would like it -- and he can't wait to play with all of it with the neighbor kids. He doesn't brag or show off; he is a kind and generous boy who just happens to be fortunate enough to get lots of presents.

 

 

Cat

 

Thank you as well. I understand what the others are saying but, again, it does get a little tiring that so many say there is some bad reason for spending more than most at Christmas or birthdays. I get it, I really do. Please be careful about generalizations though. We get what we get because we can and we want to. No guilt. No excess and waste. Just because. :)

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Maybe that is true in some cases, but I have to admit that I get a little tired of hearing that parents only buy expensive things for their kids because they have some sense of guilt. Some of us buy all of the latest things for their kids because they can afford it, and because they enjoy buying nice things for their children. Not all kids who "have it all" are obnoxious little brats.

 

I spent a few thousand dollars on my ds10 for Christmas, and I don't regret it a bit. He is very happy with his new stuff -- most of which wasn't on his Christmas list, but was purchased because my dh or I thought he would like it -- and he can't wait to play with all of it with the neighbor kids. He doesn't brag or show off; he is a kind and generous boy who just happens to be fortunate enough to get lots of presents.

 

 

Cat

 

I know I would be the same way if only I had the bank account to back it up. I just sincerely love seeing that look of excitement & pure joy on my children's faces. As it is I (if I'm honest with myself) spent more than we could really afford on their gifts for just that reason.

[kalanamak]

I'm worried about my kids becoming totally materialistic and wanting things just because their friends have them and they're cool and trendy.

 

:001_smile:

 

I was the kid who didn't have. I had trips to Europe (booooooring) but no Barbie dolls. I have long since realized how much I admire my folks for standing up to fads.

 

I've told my son two things:

One, we will consider electronics when he is able to do 1/2 of his school work without me being in the room

Two, every time he starts on how he wants something after the FIRST reminder, above consideration gets moved back a month.

 

This, so far, has worked well for us.

[simka2]

It's tough, but please know that there are those of us who chose not get those kinds of things for our kids...even though we can. (that's not a slam on parents who do...it's a choice we make for our kids)

 

Sometimes when the kids come in and want a DSi, and so is so down the street has one, I'm tempted. What stops me are 2 concepts. 1...They don't "need" it, they have a ds. Yes, it 3 yrs old (and we may have gotten it refurbished), but when their done it will have run it's course!!!! 2....and I'm not sure how to put this into words, but I want my kids to be adaptable and responsible consumers.

 

This played out really good inour favor this Christmas. My boys kept seeing the "Slither" comercials on Nick and they really wanted it. We looked into it, and although the commercials made it look cool, I knew the 2 front wheels were going to make it feel babyish to them. We researched and found a Razor scooter that had the same swivel motion, but was much more at their level. The kid across the street got BOTH types for Christmas. Unfortunately the Slither has already been relegated to the discard pile...and their all riding the Razors. My boys actually aknowledge that our research paid off and we "didn't waste money on the Slither." ;)

[Ginevra]

So now I'm dreading the "I want an ipod Touch" conversation. We can't afford it and even if we could I wouldn't pony up $200 for any gift right now. She's a kid and can be rough on her toys.

 

As I see it, there's nothing to dread. :) My kids have had their moments where they wanted something I couldn't afford or wouldn't buy on principle. If so, I say just that. Last year, my dd13 (then 12) really wanted a DSLR camera for Christmas. On many levels, this was just not possible and I badly wanted to get it for her. I had to say that: this just is not possible; I will aim to do that in the future; you'll have to find some alternative wishes for your list this year. With that in mind, I made it happen for Christmas this year. :001_smile: But even if that were simply not possible, I would not have dreaded saying no. It would have been a simple fact. She has made a fair amount of money babysitting this year and if it had been necessary, I would have looked at the possibility of going splitz with her on the camera.

 

My little boy wants everything he sees; most of it silly TV product stuff. Most of it he forgets about the moment it vanishes from view. I have been known to advise him that a product is not necessarily great just because they make it seem great in a TV commercial. These are values I want to communicate with my kids whether we are going through a hard year or two or we're flush with dough.

 

Also, I agree with Catwoman that being able to give nice gifts and even - heck - an extravagant Christmas does not necessarily embody negative traits. I grew up poor and let's face it - poor sucks! If one has the money to make their child's dreams come true on any given Christmas - or every given Christmas - it doesn't mean they are necessarily spoiled brats.

[Kim in TN]

:iagree:

[justamouse]

Maybe that is true in some cases, but I have to admit that I get a little tired of hearing that parents only buy expensive things for their kids because they have some sense of guilt. Some of us buy all of the latest things for their kids because they can afford it, and because they enjoy buying nice things for their children. Not all kids who "have it all" are obnoxious little brats.

 

I spent a few thousand dollars on my ds10 for Christmas, and I don't regret it a bit. He is very happy with his new stuff -- most of which wasn't on his Christmas list, but was purchased because my dh or I thought he would like it -- and he can't wait to play with all of it with the neighbor kids. He doesn't brag or show off; he is a kind and generous boy who just happens to be fortunate enough to get lots of presents.

 

 

Cat

 

This. Exactly.

Edited December 26, 2010 by justamouse

[Catwoman]

My boys kept seeing the "Slither" comercials on Nick and they really wanted it. We looked into it, and although the commercials made it look cool, I knew the 2 front wheels were going to make it feel babyish to them. We researched and found a Razor scooter that had the same swivel motion, but was much more at their level. The kid across the street got BOTH types for Christmas. Unfortunately the Slither has already been relegated to the discard pile...and their all riding the Razors. My boys actually aknowledge that our research paid off and we "didn't waste money on the Slither." ;)

 

Whic Razor scooter did your kids get? I couldn't decide between the Slither and the Razor Siege, so I bought both for ds, but since they are both still in their boxes, we can return one or both of them if there is a better option.

 

Thanks! :)

 

Cat

[dangermom]

I was the kid who didn't have. I had trips to Europe (booooooring) but no Barbie dolls.

:lol: Poor baby! :lol:

 

 

(I didn't have Barbies either!)

[AnitaMcC]

Just personality. One out of my four is like that. She is just into stuff. It is okay. It is good to learn that you can't have it all. Dd still wants it all, but she knows it isn't going to happen.;)

 

 

Same here... My Ds#2 is this way. He is very into what others have... and thinks he should have it too. This is with materialistic things as well as non-materialistic things. If his teen age brother/sister get cell phones when they turned 13-14, then he thinks he should have one... at the age of 9yrs old. If his almost 16 yr old brother/sister are allowed to stay up until midnight.. he thinks he should be allowed to at the age of 11. If his next door neighbor gets an Iphone.. he thinks he should get one (um... nope... not happening). He even thinks that when his cousin (then age 28) buys a XBox 360 then Ds should get one. His cousin bought it himself with his own money that he earns working full time midnight shifts at the rail yard!!!!!!!!

 

Ds#1 and Dd are very much their own persons and really don't care what others have. They have never fallen under the spell of what others have they have to have. If they want something someone else has... they truly want it because it is what they want and has nothing to do with the other having it?

 

Ds#3 for the most part don't care what others have... but there are times he sees something someone has and he wants it. But I think with him it just something that he just never thought about until he sees it and then he wants it.... not because the other person has it though. He is on autism spectrum so for him he just tends to realize he may want something once it is brought to his attention. Otherwise he doesn't care what others have. He is usually happy with a lesser item... For example he wanted a Gameboy Ds for Christmas.. he would be happy with the original Ds and not care if it was a DsLite or Dsi. He happened to get a DsLite (used at GameStop for $69, the original was $79, the Dsi over $100).

 

We have always tried to raise our kids to be individual and true to themselves. We tell them that what others have or don't have isn't what they should determine what they should have/want or shouldn't have/don't want in life. So... I guess having 5 out of 7 kids we have raised who seems to get this life lesson is not a bad track record-LOL.

 

I love to buy whatever I can for our kids. And if I can, I do. We splurge where we feel that it is worth while. Meaning...I am not throwing money away on things that they want on a whim. One of the 'tests' I do is if they ask for something... I write it on their wish list that I keep. Then each time they ask for an item... I put a mark next to it. If after several months and they have requested or shown an interest in an item on the list... I have a pretty good idea that it is something they really want.

 

Really it is just the youngest two that I need to keep the wish list for. Ds#2 just wants everything but only because so-and-so has it. But then after awhile he finds out that it wasn't such a great item and doesn't want it anymore. Ds#3 wants a lot of things but 90% of the stuff once it is out of mind... he has no interest in it.

Edited December 26, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[myfunnybunch]

When I was growing up, I went to school and said, "I got a sweater!" And my friend said, "I got a TV!"

 

When I was young, it stung. My parents celebrated simply, focused on the season of joy and peace and cookies, and tried to buy us gifts we'd like within the modest budget that they had set. My mother never made comparisons or tried to make it better. I didn't really complain because I did love my sweater, but I mentioned the tv to my mom like, "Can you believe it???" She said something like, "Isn't that lovely that R got a tv? What a thoughtful gift." I seem to vaguely remember my mother talking later about how much fun she had choosing the sweaters and other gifts she'd gotten for me and for my sisters and how happy she was that we liked them.

 

Short term, as a child, it wasn't easy. But as an adult, I deeply appreciate that lesson. Now I'm perfectly content to tell my friend (same friend :) ) who got a Kindle and a hot tub, "I got slippers and hand lotion." :)

 

I think it's a good way to start a conversation about measuring our own satisfaction against the things or lives of others.

 

Cat

[Crimson Wife]

When my kids start in on this, I start reading them from the Gospels all the times Jesus condemns materialism. Even the little ones can understand the bit in Luke 3:11 about the man who has two cloaks ought to give one away to the man who has none. We talk about how as followers of Christ we are called to a life of voluntary simplicity.

 

Is it hard sometimes to see other families who live extravagantly? Yes, but Christ warned us that following the narrow path would be difficult.

[mirth]

* 

 

[simka2]

Whic Razor scooter did your kids get? I couldn't decide between the Slither and the Razor Siege, so I bought both for ds, but since they are both still in their boxes, we can return one or both of them if there is a better option.

 

Thanks! :)

 

Cat

 

They are loving the "seige!" I think that was my neighbors dilemma. With the twins I would have had to buy 4, or one of each and hope they liked them equally.

 

I'm laughing right now at how much fun they are having outside. Whenever a kid comes over withought their own scooter....they give him the Slither ;)!

[Night Elf]

She's just struggling with those feelings of 'everybody else got fancy cool stuff that we can't afford,' which I think are feelings that almost everyone has sometimes. Me too!

 

Me too, and I don't think I'm materialistic either. It just plain hurts to have others acknowledge differences in a negative way. It hurt more when I was a kid. It's a way of being judged in the pecking order, IMHO, and I doubt many people enjoy being at the bottom in the unpopular spot.

[susankenny]

My sister's husband makes 600,000 a year. My husband makes $43,000. Different lifestyles equate to different ... well...gifts, lol. I just explain that it's hard to love what you have if you are too busy longing for what you don't....in other words, appreciate all that we are blessed with & don't get caught up in wanting more more more. I also explain that we can afford anything we desire, it just requires saving up for things. No big deal. So if my daughter wants an ipod touch, I can work with her to make that happen. Chances are, she doesn't really want one that badly though:tongue_smilie:. I'm happy that my sister & many of our friends are blessed financially and can afford to give their kids extravagant gifts. We lack for nothing though & my kids know that.

 

 

Susan

[shinyhappypeople]

 

Also, I agree with Catwoman that being able to give nice gifts and even - heck - an extravagant Christmas does not necessarily embody negative traits. I grew up poor and let's face it - poor sucks! If one has the money to make their child's dreams come true on any given Christmas - or every given Christmas - it doesn't mean they are necessarily spoiled brats.

 

I agree with this. As far as I can tell, her friend comes from a nice family with loving parents. My neurotic ramblings shouldn't be construed as a criticism of them. I have enough on my plate raising my own kids, I'm not going to butt in and try to raise their kids for them. Different families, different values, different choices.

 

 

I love to buy whatever I can for our kids. And if I can, I do. We splurge where we feel that it is worth while. Meaning...I am not throwing money away on things that they want on a whim. One of the 'tests' I do is if they ask for something... I write it on their wish list that I keep. Then each time they ask for an item... I put a mark next to it. If after several months and they have requested or shown an interest in an item on the list... I have a pretty good idea that it is something they really want.

 

 

 

I love your "Wish List" idea! I think I'll try something like that. Thanks for suggesting it.

 

BTW, a little update: DD1 hasn't mentioned the ipod touch at all since she's come home. She was in tears over hearing that her Pillow Pet (which she's been asking for for months) was a "baby toy" according to her friend's 9 yo brother (and, sadly, her friend agreed).

 

The Pillow Pet was her favorite gift yesterday. And today she was sobbing (at home) begging me to return it to the store because of what those dippy kids said. She's okay now that DH comforted her and pointed that sometimes boys that age are dumb and say stupid things just be mean and get a reaction.

 

How screwed up is our culture that a 7 yo feels ashamed of playing with a stuffed animal?

 

I hate peer pressure.

[Jilly]

Thank you as well. I understand what the others are saying but, again, it does get a little tiring that so many say there is some bad reason for spending more than most at Christmas or birthdays. I get it, I really do. Please be careful about generalizations though. We get what we get because we can and we want to. No guilt. No excess and waste. Just because. :)

 

:iagree:

[Denisemomof4]

I understand what you're saying. Sometimes I feel a little bad for my kids but I make a conscious effort NOT to get sucked into the materialistic society that we are a part of. My parents and sister are/were such materialistic beings and I fight against getting sucked into that endless black pit which never brings happiness. My bf and I have had NUMEROUS conversations over this, even arguments. It is a hot topic for me.

 

I got dd11 an Ipod Nano while all her kids have the Ipod Touch, 80 dollars more. Not only won't I spend $230 on an Ipod for an 11 year old that may lose it, but I just won't get my kids the newest and greatest of everything, and we CAN afford it. But I juts WON'T go there. Her friends have cell phones. Some got theirs in the second grade. She WON'T have one. I homeschool her and she doesn't NEED one.

 

My boys went without as well.

 

Although sometimes I felt bad, I am so glad that I raised them the way I have. Oldest ds is HUGE into getting ONLY what he needs. He's SO unimpressed by materialism. I know my raising him is part of the reason why and I'm proud.

 

If someone wants to by an Ipod Touch for a 7 year old, have fun. NOt only won't I do that for my 11 year old, but she's been told if she loses her Nano that she won't be getting another. We bought her ONE music device and that's the only one she's ever going to get from us. If she loses it, she will be without music. This is something we do with all material items, not just Ipods.

[cdrumm4448]

This is an honest question, not meant to be sarcastic. If you choose to spend "thousands" on your children for Christmas and maybe their birthday, what is left for big events, such as graduation?

 

I ask because the mom I know who spends $1,000 per child is also having her mom get her kids laptops (the kids are 6 and 8). What will they receive when they graduate, a house?

[simka2]

The Pillow Pet was her favorite gift yesterday. And today she was sobbing (at home) begging me to return it to the store because of what those dippy kids said. She's okay now that DH comforted her and pointed that sometimes boys that age are dumb and say stupid things just be mean and get a reaction.

 

How screwed up is our culture that a 7 yo feels ashamed of playing with a stuffed animal?

 

I hate peer pressure.

 

You just tell her that my dd9 and her friends all got pillow pets....and they love them!!!!! ;) Her 11yr old girl friend got one 2 and they are very happy!!!!

[Stacy in NJ]

valuing what you have, earning what you want, giving and receiving with humor and gratitude are the paths to contentment.

 

 

One of my DDs' best friends just stopped by to play. She's newly 7 and a great kid.

 

Well, her parents got her an ipod Touch for Christmas. (I had to google it to make sure I knew what it was... I'm so out of touch :tongue_smilie:) My older DD is 7 and is very influenced by what her friends have. For example, she doesn't really play with dolls, but all of a sudden absolutely NEEDED a Moxie Girl for Christmas (no, I didn't get her one, because she ignores the dolls she already has).

 

So now I'm dreading the "I want an ipod Touch" conversation. We can't afford it and even if we could I wouldn't pony up $200 for any gift right now. She's a kid and can be rough on her toys.

 

I'm just feeling weird about all this. Honestly, we spent $200 on ALL the girls gifts (total, put together) and they've had a blast playing with them (pillow pets, sprayza pens, blendy pens, stuff like that).

 

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Just thinking out loud, I guess.

 

I'm worried about my kids becoming totally materialistic and wanting things just because their friends have them and they're cool and trendy.

 

Their 10 yo cousin has had an iphone for a couple of years, I think, and older DD wants one of those, too. Ha. You're SEVEN. Get a job, sweetpea, and then we'll talk about an iphone.

 

For the record, I don't really care what other parents buy their kids. It's not my business. I just dread when my DD comes home with a wish list of Cool Stuff that she's not gonna get no matter how much she begs. She wouldn't even KNOW about this stuff if her friends didn't have them. :tongue_smilie:

 

This has gone into full blown rambling, so I'll stop know. If you've read this far, thank you :001_smile:

[ereks mom]

She's just struggling with those feelings of 'everybody else got fancy cool stuff that we can't afford,' which I think are feelings that almost everyone has sometimes. Me too!

 

Sounds a lot like us. This year, I've been doing some tutoring and saving every penny, so we were able to afford nicer presents for a change. But it hasn't been that way most years; we've had very little to spend, and my kids have always been okay with it, even though I know they sometimes felt a bit envious of their friends and cousins who got LOADS of stuff.

[Night Elf]

This is an honest question, not meant to be sarcastic. If you choose to spend "thousands" on your children for Christmas and maybe their birthday, what is left for big events, such as graduation?

 

I ask because the mom I know who spends $1,000 per child is also having her mom get her kids laptops (the kids are 6 and 8). What will they receive when they graduate, a house?

 

Hmm.. my kids have expensive ipods and computers and cell phones. I don't get the idea that they shouldn't have these things because I have to give them something expensive for graduation. I personally don't believe in graduation gifts. I figure that the reward itself is the diploma/degree. Then again, I don't believe in expensive wedding gifts or even big weddings. I use my money where I see it makes the most sense. Ipods, cell phones, and computers are something they use daily. So maybe that family you mentioned just feels the same way. Or heck, maybe they will give an extremely large cash gift or house. If they have the money and choose to do so, it really shouldn't be cause to judge them. But then again, that is what this thread is about, isn't it? Just one of those things that makes me go hmm...

[Kim in TN]

 

She was in tears over hearing that her Pillow Pet (which she's been asking for for months) was a "baby toy" according to her friend's 9 yo brother (and, sadly, her friend agreed).

 

The Pillow Pet was her favorite gift yesterday. And today she was sobbing (at home) begging me to return it to the store because of what those dippy kids said. She's okay now that DH comforted her and pointed that sometimes boys that age are dumb and say stupid things just be mean and get a reaction.

 

How screwed up is our culture that a 7 yo feels ashamed of playing with a stuffed animal?

 

A baby toy?? Tell her that my almost 18 year old dd wanted one for Christmas! She loves the penguin one. :)

[Stacy in NJ]

they could want. For birthdays and Christmas we usually buy them one expensive, greatly desired gift. Everything else they save up for and earn. They get tremendous satisfaction from the items they earn themselves and we all get joy from those things we can just give. It's important to teach delayed gratification as well as generosity.

 

My sister's husband makes 600,000 a year. My husband makes $43,000. Different lifestyles equate to different ... well...gifts, lol. I just explain that it's hard to love what you have if you are too busy longing for what you don't....in other words, appreciate all that we are blessed with & don't get caught up in wanting more more more. I also explain that we can afford anything we desire, it just requires saving up for things. No big deal. So if my daughter wants an ipod touch, I can work with her to make that happen. Chances are, she doesn't really want one that badly though:tongue_smilie:. I'm happy that my sister & many of our friends are blessed financially and can afford to give their kids extravagant gifts. We lack for nothing though & my kids know that.

 

 

Susan

[FriedClams]

My 8 & 9 year olds got pillow pets & love them. Now I want one, lol!!

[Murphy101]

This is an honest question, not meant to be sarcastic. If you choose to spend "thousands" on your children for Christmas and maybe their birthday, what is left for big events, such as graduation?

 

I ask because the mom I know who spends $1,000 per child is also having her mom get her kids laptops (the kids are 6 and 8). What will they receive when they graduate, a house?

 

Serious? Maybe a newer better laptop will be necessary in 10 years? Same goes for any other technology. Or clothes. Or whatever. It wears out. It gets outdated. Newer, better more innovative stuff is made every day. It's a big wide world out there and the kids are growing and changing and so are their interests.

 

Personally none of my dc under 12 are permitted ANY computer use. But I find the argument that I shouldn't buy them something because it "won't leave anything for later" rather odd. Not to mention I don't buy based on competition with previous gifts. There is no requirement or expectation in our home that the anty will be upped every year. To ME that is far more materialistic? *confused*

 

Also, we too have the rule that items are not replaced if they don't take care of it. My kids value and appreciate what they are given and take care of it. Especially as we almost never buy luxeries outside of Xmas, bday, and Easter. The rest of the year, if they can't earn the funds themselves then too bad bc we won't. If it gets broke, lost, or whatever - tough cookies.

[Plucky]

A baby toy?? Tell her that my almost 18 year old dd wanted one for Christmas! She loves the penguin one. :)

 

My 10dd got two, and now her older sister wants one. Those things are seriously soft and cuddly.

 

 

Yes, some of my 10dd's friends are starting to look down on dolls and stuffed animals. They think they are "childish." I told my dd that her great-grandma still has stuffed animals. It isn't something you necessarily outgrow, and one shouldn't be in a rush to not be a child. You only get one childhood.

[Murphy101]

And if I could afford it, I'd gladly give help to buy a first home. And I would love to give them a paid off vehicle at least. Being able to have financial freedom from major debt would be a tremendous blessing that I hope they would be smart enough to appreciate.

[cdrumm4448]

If they have the money and choose to do so, it really shouldn't be cause to judge them. But then again, that is what this thread is about, isn't it? Just one of those things that makes me go hmm...

 

There was no judgement in my question. I honestly want to know what they will give (or in your case, not give) their kids for big events. Didn't say everyone has to do the same thing.

[DawnM]

Thankfully most of our friends are also not materialistic (most are homeschoolers!) and many don't even have the games that my children have (we have a Wii and DS).

 

My kids just want more stuff, period! They don't whine when they don't get it though and I am very thankful for that.

 

Dawn

[cdrumm4448]

Serious? Personally none of my dc under 12 are permitted ANY computer use. But I find the argument that I shouldn't buy them something because it "won't leave anything for later" rather odd. bad bc we won't.

 

Yes. I am serious.

 

And, *most* people I know do buy larger gifts for larger events such as graduation. I was honestly curious to know why someone would do something different than most. Not judging, just curious.

[mom4him]

One of my DDs' best friends just stopped by to play. She's newly 7 and a great kid.

 

Well, her parents got her an ipod Touch for Christmas. (I had to google it to make sure I knew what it was... I'm so out of touch :tongue_smilie:) My older DD is 7 and is very influenced by what her friends have. For example, she doesn't really play with dolls, but all of a sudden absolutely NEEDED a Moxie Girl for Christmas (no, I didn't get her one, because she ignores the dolls she already has).

 

So now I'm dreading the "I want an ipod Touch" conversation. We can't afford it and even if we could I wouldn't pony up $200 for any gift right now. She's a kid and can be rough on her toys.

 

I'm just feeling weird about all this. Honestly, we spent $200 on ALL the girls gifts (total, put together) and they've had a blast playing with them (pillow pets, sprayza pens, blendy pens, stuff like that).

 

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Just thinking out loud, I guess.

 

I'm worried about my kids becoming totally materialistic and wanting things just because their friends have them and they're cool and trendy.

 

Their 10 yo cousin has had an iphone for a couple of years, I think, and older DD wants one of those, too. Ha. You're SEVEN. Get a job, sweetpea, and then we'll talk about an iphone.

 

For the record, I don't really care what other parents buy their kids. It's not my business. I just dread when my DD comes home with a wish list of Cool Stuff that she's not gonna get no matter how much she begs. She wouldn't even KNOW about this stuff if her friends didn't have them. :tongue_smilie:

 

This has gone into full blown rambling, so I'll stop know. If you've read this far, thank you :001_smile:

My answers is,'If I was Susy's mom Susy wouldn't have it either.'

I feel that helping a child evaluate 'why' they want something is important also.

[Murphy101]

There was no judgement in my question. I honestly want to know what they will give (or in your case, not give) their kids for big events. Didn't say everyone has to do the same thing.

 

Yes. I am serious.

 

And, *most* people I know do buy larger gifts for larger events such as graduation. I was honestly curious to know why someone would do something different than most. Not judging, just curious.

 

Graduation is a larger event than the birth of Christ?!:svengo:

 

Even so, I did answer the question. Giving a laptop to a 9 year old doesn't mean they won't get a much nicer, newer, and useful laptop for graduation 10 years later.

 

Hmmm. All those crock pots I got at my wedding now seem to send a message that my wedding was nearly a non event. :confused:;)

 

Your post did come across as judging. Still does, tho I take your word it isn't. (sometimes I don't come across as intended either :D )

 

And I still don't get the logic behind it. "what's left to get?" is a phrase I've heard before and I've always thought it illogical for reasons I've already stated.

 

Also, I would presume if graduation meant moving away, all occasions for the year leading up to it would be gifts graduation related. A laptop and luggage for Christmas, set of dishes and pans for birthday, something else for graduation.

 

Others might do things different, but I can't picture us giving everything they need when moving out as a graduation gift. If for no other reason than we don't have that kind of lump sum spending option.

[patchfire]

This is an honest question, not meant to be sarcastic. If you choose to spend "thousands" on your children for Christmas and maybe their birthday, what is left for big events, such as graduation?

 

I ask because the mom I know who spends $1,000 per child is also having her mom get her kids laptops (the kids are 6 and 8). What will they receive when they graduate, a house?

 

And if I could afford it, I'd gladly give help to buy a first home. And I would love to give them a paid off vehicle at least. Being able to have financial freedom from major debt would be a tremendous blessing that I hope they would be smart enough to appreciate.

 

:iagree:

 

We spent "less" on our kids this year. "Less" is a relative term that apparently I should not even feel like using. In our household, we wouldn't have young children with laptops, but goodness, yes. I'd love to give my kids a house or a sizable down payment on a house for a college grad present. I sincerely hope I'll be able to do so.

[simka2]

I graduated and all I got was this stinkin' watch." Sorry, just thinking up t-shirts my dh could have printed :D.

[cdrumm4448]

Graduation is a larger event than the birth of Christ?!:svengo:

 

I never said graduation is more important than Christmas.

 

I agree that it is very difficult to determine intent from a post on the internet, but believe me, I am honestly just a very curious person. Different strokes for different folks.

 

Don't worry, I'm not easily offended. :D