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Which party would you pick?

Audrey

By Audrey,
in General Education Discussion Board

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Which party would you pick?  

  1. 1. Which party would you pick?

    • Iâ??d pick SILs party becauseâ?¦.
      350
    • Iâ??d pick FILs wifeâ??s party becauseâ?¦.
      3
    • Even though it's not really an option, Iâ??d still pick neither party becauseâ?¦.
      3
    • Obligatory other
      1

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Hedgehog

Hedgehog

Posted
Posted
I agree with those who said to have a frank conversation with FIL. He knows (or needs to know) that SIL (his daughter) had her party scheduled months ago with deposit money involved so there was no way she could change her date. I would also ask him flat out why he RSVP'd "yes" to SIL's party and is now having his own party on the same date. Even though MIL probably did the RSVPing and party planning, he was included and knew about it. It needs to be brought to his attention that he is being rude through his wife.

 

:iagree:

 

Somebody just did. Someone just couldn't bear having the hive in agreement? :confused: Bet they don't have the guts to speak up. ;)

 

I would actually be interested to hear their reasoning.. maybe something no-one else has thought of?

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Firefly

Firefly

Posted
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Another vote for SIL for the same reason others have stated: she asked first. If you're concerned about keeping the peace, you could tell MIL and FIL that since you've already committed to another party that day, you'd be happy to see them another day to celebrate the holidays. But frankly, considering MIL's blatant manipulative behavior, I wouldn't be very concerned about keeping peace with her. :glare:

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Audrey

Audrey

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Has anyone confronted MIL yet, asking her if she remembers that she already RSVP'd that she is attending SIL's party, and if so WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE DO SUCH A THING!?!?!

 

I don't think I would be able to keep my mouth shut. In fact, if you give me her phone number I'll gladly let her have it. :D :lol:

 

 

I think that will happen. There needs to be some more dialogue between the sibs on this, but I'm pretty sure at least one of them is going to be "elected" to talk to FIL. I really think it needs to come from one of his own kids.

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christine in al

christine in al

Posted
Posted

1. hers was first

2. don't try to fit in Mil's DO NOT GO " by on the way home" or anything. don't go. don't feed that manipulation. It will only get worse.

3. you like her better. ( life's short. even yours, it's okay to have fun

4. Don't drag this out, tell MIL now so if SHE wants to grow up and fit in, SHE can change. but mostly, get this done and Be done.

 

and

5. as it harm none, do as ye will.

It ain't gonna harm a manipulative person to not paly their games. I think it harms them to give in and feed that nature.

but mostly

do as ye will,

 

joy! Happy Yule

~christine in al

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christine in al

christine in al

Posted
Posted

You mama-in-law is just being " tacky"

reply with a note, the on-paper kind, that you are so sorry that you have already agreed to go to another party. period.

and then drop it. and get on with your holiday.

 

she's the one being ...... tacky.

 

She may like the drama too.

remember..

"don't wrestle with a pig , honey, you get covered in pig poo and the pig enjoys it."

 

cheers,

Christine in ALABAMA

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  • 3 weeks later...
2cents

2cents

Posted
Posted

No brainer. SIL's party. You already accepted the invite and MIL should have asked first if anyone had conflicts.

There is no reason to feel conflicted or guilty. Just tell MIL that you are sorry but you had already accepted SIL's invite long ago and it would be wrong to back out. Tell MIL that you'll find a time to see FIL but at another time.

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Audrey

Audrey

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Posted (edited)
Hopefully Audrey and family are sleeping in after a fun family party! But, yes, inquiring minds want to know....:bigear:

 

ETA: I was on last night at SIL's and was going to try posting about this last night, but I only got 5 minutes of internet connection before it went out and I got distracted while catching up on reading everyone else's posts. Sorry.

Actually, we ended up staying overnight at SILs because the weather was getting quite stormy and it's a 2 hour drive home. We just got home a few hours ago.

 

Since I posted this originally, I had told FIL and his wife we were going to SIL's since she asked first and I had said I would assist. Over the next couple of weeks FIL's wife's party plans disintegrated as the others who were on the fence decided to come down on SIL's side.

 

I think the clincher was knowing that SIL's fella was going to be hosting the party with her. Some of us hadn't met him yet, but we all figured it was a serious thing when Christmas cards arrived signed by both of them. Who in their right mind was going to miss a possible announcement? (Because really.... who sends Xmas cards signed by themselves and their fella if there isn't SOMETHING significant going on there?!)

 

SIL's party was fantastic and the announcement I was expecting did happen! They are engaged, very low-key thing, and he is going to try to get transferred to his company's offices here (he is British, but living in Scotland currently). Once that is in place, they will plan the wedding date and details. When he announced that at supper it was so sweet. He didn't make a big proclamation, just a simple toast to the family, thanking us for "all of the love [we] show [my SIL] so clearly" and with a promise that he "will strive to be a kind and deserving husband to her."

 

I'm not much for romantic displays, but that was a swoon-worthy moment to me. :001_wub:

 

He is WONDERFUL! It is so obvious how happy he makes her. When we arrived, he was in the kitchen making his own version of roasted potatoes (so yummy!) He was a lovely host and so caring of her and all of us. What a keeper! He is intelligent and funny and well.... everything she deserves to have.

 

Just in case you were wondering... FIL did come to the party without his wife. We were told that she went to one of her sister's instead. One of my BIL's said "we wish her a safe trip and happy day." The rest of us agreed, and then proceeded to have a very lovely time! FIL told his sons later that he had talked to his wife and let her know that any attempts to put rifts between ANYONE and their children simply wouldn't be tolerated. He seemed quite firm, which is unusual for him, but I guess everyone has their breaking point. He had a great time at the party, too, so he can't have been too concerned about it all.

 

I do hope FIL's wife can put this behind her. It's not cool to drive wedges between family. No one has been disrespectful to her, but neither have we ever been disrespectful to my MIL's memory. We loved my MIL dearly -- it was impossible not to! It's not like anyone is reminding FIL's wife of MIL all the time, either. IMO, she is the one "creating" the drama. My comment on that is: Save it for the stage.

Edited by Audrey
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Veritaserum

Veritaserum

Posted
Posted
Just in case you were wondering... FIL did come to the party without his wife. We were told that she went to one of her sister's instead. One of my BIL's said "we wish her a safe trip and happy day." The rest of us agreed, and then proceeded to have a very lovely time! FIL told his sons later that he had talked to his wife and let her know that any attempts to put rifts between ANYONE and their children simply wouldn't be tolerated. He seemed quite firm, which is unusual for him, but I guess everyone has their breaking point. He had a great time at the party, too, so he can't have been too concerned about it all.

 

I'm so glad to hear that! And I'm glad you had a nice time. :)

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Aubrey

Aubrey

Posted
Posted (edited)

ETA: Glad it worked out!

 

First, I'm afraid if you go, you'll set a precedent that will allow fil's wife to walk all over y'all. Maybe she will anyway, but I'd hate to enable her.

 

This seems simple to me: "I'm so sorry, we won't be able to make it. We have a previous engagement to which we've committed." Backing out on sil...I'd have a hard time doing that in this case even if I *didn't* like her & loved fil's wife. (Although I can't imagine loving someone so backstabbing & double-crossing, but...to ea his own.) ;)

 

GL. I'm sorry such stinky things happen. :grouphug:

Edited by Aubrey
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Stacy in NJ

Stacy in NJ

Posted
Posted

Since you needed to RSVP to your SIL's party, of course the first invitation should stand. You're obligated to your SIL if you RSVP'ed yes. Call your MIL, explain that you've already made plans, express your disappointment that you'll be unable to attend, and ask that next year she coordinate with the rest of the family prior to making party plans.

 

It's actually not a difficult situation.

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Suzanne in ABQ

Suzanne in ABQ

Posted
Posted
ETA: I was on last night at SIL's and was going to try posting about this last night, but I only got 5 minutes of internet connection before it went out and I got distracted while catching up on reading everyone else's posts. Sorry.

Actually, we ended up staying overnight at SILs because the weather was getting quite stormy and it's a 2 hour drive home. We just got home a few hours ago.

 

Since I posted this originally, I had told FIL and his wife we were going to SIL's since she asked first and I had said I would assist. Over the next couple of weeks FIL's wife's party plans disintegrated as the others who were on the fence decided to come down on SIL's side.

 

I think the clincher was knowing that SIL's fella was going to be hosting the party with her. Some of us hadn't met him yet, but we all figured it was a serious thing when Christmas cards arrived signed by both of them. Who in their right mind was going to miss a possible announcement? (Because really.... who sends Xmas cards signed by themselves and their fella if there isn't SOMETHING significant going on there?!)

 

SIL's party was fantastic and the announcement I was expecting did happen! They are engaged, very low-key thing, and he is going to try to get transferred to his company's offices here (he is British, but living in Scotland currently). Once that is in place, they will plan the wedding date and details. When he announced that at supper it was so sweet. He didn't make a big proclamation, just a simple toast to the family, thanking us for "all of the love [we] show [my SIL] so clearly" and with a promise that he "will strive to be a kind and deserving husband to her."

 

I'm not much for romantic displays, but that was a swoon-worthy moment to me. :001_wub:

 

He is WONDERFUL! It is so obvious how happy he makes her. When we arrived, he was in the kitchen making his own version of roasted potatoes (so yummy!) He was a lovely host and so caring of her and all of us. What a keeper! He is intelligent and funny and well.... everything she deserves to have.

 

Just in case you were wondering... FIL did come to the party without his wife. We were told that she went to one of her sister's instead. One of my BIL's said "we wish her a safe trip and happy day." The rest of us agreed, and then proceeded to have a very lovely time! FIL told his sons later that he had talked to his wife and let her know that any attempts to put rifts between ANYONE and their children simply wouldn't be tolerated. He seemed quite firm, which is unusual for him, but I guess everyone has their breaking point. He had a great time at the party, too, so he can't have been too concerned about it all.

 

I do hope FIL's wife can put this behind her. It's not cool to drive wedges between family. No one has been disrespectful to her, but neither have we ever been disrespectful to my MIL's memory. We loved my MIL dearly -- it was impossible not to! It's not like anyone is reminding FIL's wife of MIL all the time, either. IMO, she is the one "creating" the drama. My comment on that is: Save it for the stage.

 

 

 

Thanks for the update! I'd wondered what ever happened. What a wonderful evening!

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Audrey

Audrey

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Posted
Please take this with this humorous intent with which it is meant, but be prepared for MIL to plan an EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TEA PARTY on the same date as your sister-in-law's wedding.

 

Glad it all worked out!

 

:lol:

 

 

:eek: Oh the dilemma that would be!

 

Not! :lol:

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goldberry

goldberry

Posted
Posted

This is a no-brainer in my opinion. What do we teach our kids? Once you have committed to something (a party, a date, etc) you don't change that even if something else comes along later. Once you have RSVPd, the matter is already decided.

 

(Of course, usually its something "better" that comes along later, but the principle still applies!)

 

ETA, your new MIL really is NOT BEING NICE though. Sorry mostly for your FIL.

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goldberry

goldberry

Posted
Posted
FIL told his sons later that he had talked to his wife and let her know that any attempts to put rifts between ANYONE and their children simply wouldn't be tolerated. He seemed quite firm, which is unusual for him, but I guess everyone has their breaking point. He had a great time at the party, too, so he can't have been too concerned about it all.

 

Yea for your FIL! That had to be difficult for him, but thank goodness he stood up for the right thing.

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