Hedgehog Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 I agree with those who said to have a frank conversation with FIL. He knows (or needs to know) that SIL (his daughter) had her party scheduled months ago with deposit money involved so there was no way she could change her date. I would also ask him flat out why he RSVP'd "yes" to SIL's party and is now having his own party on the same date. Even though MIL probably did the RSVPing and party planning, he was included and knew about it. It needs to be brought to his attention that he is being rude through his wife. :iagree: Somebody just did. Someone just couldn't bear having the hive in agreement? :confused: Bet they don't have the guts to speak up. ;) I would actually be interested to hear their reasoning.. maybe something no-one else has thought of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Because sil's party was announced first, I'd go there. Not to mention you'll probably have a much better time. ;) :iagree: She was first. It was rude to plan a party with the same people on the same day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Somebody just did. Someone just couldn't bear having the hive in agreement? :confused: Bet they don't have the guts to speak up. ;) I think that MIL finally found this thread:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaMa2005 Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 I'd go with SIL. It was already on the calendar and mil knew that. Her planning a party over top of it is mean and spiteful. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Sherry Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 I think that MIL finally found this thread:D That must be what happened. :001_unsure: :bigear: So, whoever voted to attend MIL's party, are you going to comment on your logic for such a decision ? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefly Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 Another vote for SIL for the same reason others have stated: she asked first. If you're concerned about keeping the peace, you could tell MIL and FIL that since you've already committed to another party that day, you'd be happy to see them another day to celebrate the holidays. But frankly, considering MIL's blatant manipulative behavior, I wouldn't be very concerned about keeping peace with her. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OleanderRain Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 Has anyone confronted MIL yet, asking her if she remembers that she already RSVP'd that she is attending SIL's party, and if so WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE DO SUCH A THING!?!?! I don't think I would be able to keep my mouth shut. In fact, if you give me her phone number I'll gladly let her have it. :D :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 I don't think I would be able to keep my mouth shut. In fact, if you give me her phone number I'll gladly let her have it. :D :lol: May I listen in on that call? :D:D:D Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 Yet another vote for SIL's party. It's a general practice here to keep the date first committed to, even if something better comes along (but that doesn't sound like the case here). I am sorry that you are having to deal with a no-win family situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted November 29, 2010 Author Share Posted November 29, 2010 Has anyone confronted MIL yet, asking her if she remembers that she already RSVP'd that she is attending SIL's party, and if so WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE DO SUCH A THING!?!?! I don't think I would be able to keep my mouth shut. In fact, if you give me her phone number I'll gladly let her have it. :D :lol: I think that will happen. There needs to be some more dialogue between the sibs on this, but I'm pretty sure at least one of them is going to be "elected" to talk to FIL. I really think it needs to come from one of his own kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 Have you accepted SIL's party? Then that's the right one to attend. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 The parties aren't until Dec. 18. I'll update. :001_smile: You mean I have to wait almost 3 weeks for all this to go down???? But I want to know NOW! I need some family drama. We live 5000+ miles from ours and are so not involved in the holiday drama (hurrah!). I need to read about someone else's drama! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christine in al Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 1. hers was first 2. don't try to fit in Mil's DO NOT GO " by on the way home" or anything. don't go. don't feed that manipulation. It will only get worse. 3. you like her better. ( life's short. even yours, it's okay to have fun 4. Don't drag this out, tell MIL now so if SHE wants to grow up and fit in, SHE can change. but mostly, get this done and Be done. and 5. as it harm none, do as ye will. It ain't gonna harm a manipulative person to not paly their games. I think it harms them to give in and feed that nature. but mostly do as ye will, joy! Happy Yule ~christine in al Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christine in al Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 You mama-in-law is just being " tacky" reply with a note, the on-paper kind, that you are so sorry that you have already agreed to go to another party. period. and then drop it. and get on with your holiday. she's the one being ...... tacky. She may like the drama too. remember.. "don't wrestle with a pig , honey, you get covered in pig poo and the pig enjoys it." cheers, Christine in ALABAMA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace'smom Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 OK- I'm dying to know how this party turned out!!!! I actually logged in to see if the OP had posted an update, LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabeth in IL Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 Me too! I hope it worked out well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 No brainer. SIL's party. You already accepted the invite and MIL should have asked first if anyone had conflicts. There is no reason to feel conflicted or guilty. Just tell MIL that you are sorry but you had already accepted SIL's invite long ago and it would be wrong to back out. Tell MIL that you'll find a time to see FIL but at another time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 So what happened? I'm curious to know! :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 SIL, because I'd already committed. I would call and speak to my dad, explaining I'd already committed to the other party, but that I am looking forward to seeing them during the holiday week. You can't split yourself in two, tell him, as much as you wish you could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 SIL's invitiation came first. I would explain to FIL's wife that "Oh, I'm sorry I won't be able to make it! I've already committed to xyz." It's just proper manners to keep your first commitment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 Hopefully Audrey and family are sleeping in after a fun family party! But, yes, inquiring minds want to know....:bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 19, 2010 Author Share Posted December 19, 2010 (edited) Hopefully Audrey and family are sleeping in after a fun family party! But, yes, inquiring minds want to know....:bigear: ETA: I was on last night at SIL's and was going to try posting about this last night, but I only got 5 minutes of internet connection before it went out and I got distracted while catching up on reading everyone else's posts. Sorry. Actually, we ended up staying overnight at SILs because the weather was getting quite stormy and it's a 2 hour drive home. We just got home a few hours ago. Since I posted this originally, I had told FIL and his wife we were going to SIL's since she asked first and I had said I would assist. Over the next couple of weeks FIL's wife's party plans disintegrated as the others who were on the fence decided to come down on SIL's side. I think the clincher was knowing that SIL's fella was going to be hosting the party with her. Some of us hadn't met him yet, but we all figured it was a serious thing when Christmas cards arrived signed by both of them. Who in their right mind was going to miss a possible announcement? (Because really.... who sends Xmas cards signed by themselves and their fella if there isn't SOMETHING significant going on there?!) SIL's party was fantastic and the announcement I was expecting did happen! They are engaged, very low-key thing, and he is going to try to get transferred to his company's offices here (he is British, but living in Scotland currently). Once that is in place, they will plan the wedding date and details. When he announced that at supper it was so sweet. He didn't make a big proclamation, just a simple toast to the family, thanking us for "all of the love [we] show [my SIL] so clearly" and with a promise that he "will strive to be a kind and deserving husband to her." I'm not much for romantic displays, but that was a swoon-worthy moment to me. :001_wub: He is WONDERFUL! It is so obvious how happy he makes her. When we arrived, he was in the kitchen making his own version of roasted potatoes (so yummy!) He was a lovely host and so caring of her and all of us. What a keeper! He is intelligent and funny and well.... everything she deserves to have. Just in case you were wondering... FIL did come to the party without his wife. We were told that she went to one of her sister's instead. One of my BIL's said "we wish her a safe trip and happy day." The rest of us agreed, and then proceeded to have a very lovely time! FIL told his sons later that he had talked to his wife and let her know that any attempts to put rifts between ANYONE and their children simply wouldn't be tolerated. He seemed quite firm, which is unusual for him, but I guess everyone has their breaking point. He had a great time at the party, too, so he can't have been too concerned about it all. I do hope FIL's wife can put this behind her. It's not cool to drive wedges between family. No one has been disrespectful to her, but neither have we ever been disrespectful to my MIL's memory. We loved my MIL dearly -- it was impossible not to! It's not like anyone is reminding FIL's wife of MIL all the time, either. IMO, she is the one "creating" the drama. My comment on that is: Save it for the stage. Edited December 19, 2010 by Audrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 I'm so glad it worked out. I can imagine how awful it would have been for your SIL if she was planning it all (including the engagement announcement) and everyone went to the FIL's wifes party instead. Good for your FIL for being there too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 I'm so happy to hear that everything went well, and that your FIL decided to join all of you for the party. I'm also glad to hear that your SIL found such a great guy! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnitaMcC Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 Because sil's party was announced first, I'd go there. Not to mention you'll probably have a much better time. ;) :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 Sounds like a lovely evening. I am so glad it worked out, and especially glad that youR FIL attended. Congrats to your SIL. :) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 Just in case you were wondering... FIL did come to the party without his wife. We were told that she went to one of her sister's instead. One of my BIL's said "we wish her a safe trip and happy day." The rest of us agreed, and then proceeded to have a very lovely time! FIL told his sons later that he had talked to his wife and let her know that any attempts to put rifts between ANYONE and their children simply wouldn't be tolerated. He seemed quite firm, which is unusual for him, but I guess everyone has their breaking point. He had a great time at the party, too, so he can't have been too concerned about it all. I'm so glad to hear that! And I'm glad you had a nice time. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 (edited) ETA: Glad it worked out! First, I'm afraid if you go, you'll set a precedent that will allow fil's wife to walk all over y'all. Maybe she will anyway, but I'd hate to enable her. This seems simple to me: "I'm so sorry, we won't be able to make it. We have a previous engagement to which we've committed." Backing out on sil...I'd have a hard time doing that in this case even if I *didn't* like her & loved fil's wife. (Although I can't imagine loving someone so backstabbing & double-crossing, but...to ea his own.) ;) GL. I'm sorry such stinky things happen. :grouphug: Edited December 19, 2010 by Aubrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace'smom Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 :001_smile:Wow! What a happy ending! That is wonderful- thank you for letting the board come along for the ride. It sounds like things couldn't have possibly ended any better. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 I think this poll might be the most lopsided WTM poll ever posted. :) The answer is obvious. . . I am sure the first few hundred posters phrased it better than I can. . . In short, IME, MIL is an evil b!tch & you should side with the one who is not -- which would be SIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cindie2dds Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Oh, it sounds like you had a wonderful time! I'm so glad everyone she cared for was there to support her during such special moment. :) :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Since you needed to RSVP to your SIL's party, of course the first invitation should stand. You're obligated to your SIL if you RSVP'ed yes. Call your MIL, explain that you've already made plans, express your disappointment that you'll be unable to attend, and ask that next year she coordinate with the rest of the family prior to making party plans. It's actually not a difficult situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3littlekeets Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 I'm thrilled that it all worked itself out Audrey. Karma can really get you :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodland_Mom Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 (edited) I laughted when I saw the poll results. I totally agree with just about everyone else! Glad you had a nice time. Edited December 20, 2010 by Pylegang Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 So glad it all worked out and to hear of the engagement - how lovely! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 ETA: I was on last night at SIL's and was going to try posting about this last night, but I only got 5 minutes of internet connection before it went out and I got distracted while catching up on reading everyone else's posts. Sorry. Actually, we ended up staying overnight at SILs because the weather was getting quite stormy and it's a 2 hour drive home. We just got home a few hours ago. Since I posted this originally, I had told FIL and his wife we were going to SIL's since she asked first and I had said I would assist. Over the next couple of weeks FIL's wife's party plans disintegrated as the others who were on the fence decided to come down on SIL's side. I think the clincher was knowing that SIL's fella was going to be hosting the party with her. Some of us hadn't met him yet, but we all figured it was a serious thing when Christmas cards arrived signed by both of them. Who in their right mind was going to miss a possible announcement? (Because really.... who sends Xmas cards signed by themselves and their fella if there isn't SOMETHING significant going on there?!) SIL's party was fantastic and the announcement I was expecting did happen! They are engaged, very low-key thing, and he is going to try to get transferred to his company's offices here (he is British, but living in Scotland currently). Once that is in place, they will plan the wedding date and details. When he announced that at supper it was so sweet. He didn't make a big proclamation, just a simple toast to the family, thanking us for "all of the love [we] show [my SIL] so clearly" and with a promise that he "will strive to be a kind and deserving husband to her." I'm not much for romantic displays, but that was a swoon-worthy moment to me. :001_wub: He is WONDERFUL! It is so obvious how happy he makes her. When we arrived, he was in the kitchen making his own version of roasted potatoes (so yummy!) He was a lovely host and so caring of her and all of us. What a keeper! He is intelligent and funny and well.... everything she deserves to have. Just in case you were wondering... FIL did come to the party without his wife. We were told that she went to one of her sister's instead. One of my BIL's said "we wish her a safe trip and happy day." The rest of us agreed, and then proceeded to have a very lovely time! FIL told his sons later that he had talked to his wife and let her know that any attempts to put rifts between ANYONE and their children simply wouldn't be tolerated. He seemed quite firm, which is unusual for him, but I guess everyone has their breaking point. He had a great time at the party, too, so he can't have been too concerned about it all. I do hope FIL's wife can put this behind her. It's not cool to drive wedges between family. No one has been disrespectful to her, but neither have we ever been disrespectful to my MIL's memory. We loved my MIL dearly -- it was impossible not to! It's not like anyone is reminding FIL's wife of MIL all the time, either. IMO, she is the one "creating" the drama. My comment on that is: Save it for the stage. Thanks for the update! I'd wondered what ever happened. What a wonderful evening! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Very glad to read your update, Audrey. I'm really pleased that you all had such a lovely time together. I hope the MIL situation improves, too.. she sounds like quite a piece of work..! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Thanks for updating! I've been wondering how it all went down. I'm so glad it all worked out and good for your FIL for putting his foot down. How exciting for your SIL and her fiance! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 I'd go with SIL. It was already on the calendar and mil knew that. Her planning a party over top of it is mean and spiteful. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Please take this with this humorous intent with which it is meant, but be prepared for MIL to plan an EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TEA PARTY on the same date as your sister-in-law's wedding. Glad it all worked out! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 SIL's, because you've known about it since September. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 20, 2010 Author Share Posted December 20, 2010 Please take this with this humorous intent with which it is meant, but be prepared for MIL to plan an EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TEA PARTY on the same date as your sister-in-law's wedding. Glad it all worked out! :lol: :eek: Oh the dilemma that would be! Not! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 This is a no-brainer in my opinion. What do we teach our kids? Once you have committed to something (a party, a date, etc) you don't change that even if something else comes along later. Once you have RSVPd, the matter is already decided. (Of course, usually its something "better" that comes along later, but the principle still applies!) ETA, your new MIL really is NOT BEING NICE though. Sorry mostly for your FIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenniferB Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 "I'm sorry we already had plans" would be my response to MIL. I would go, have a wonderful time, and not think about it for another second. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 FIL told his sons later that he had talked to his wife and let her know that any attempts to put rifts between ANYONE and their children simply wouldn't be tolerated. He seemed quite firm, which is unusual for him, but I guess everyone has their breaking point. He had a great time at the party, too, so he can't have been too concerned about it all. Yea for your FIL! That had to be difficult for him, but thank goodness he stood up for the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted December 23, 2010 Share Posted December 23, 2010 I'm so glad you all had a good time, including FIL. That's great that he stood up to his woman and let her know she won't be allowed to come between him and his children. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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