Do Your Hubbies Help with Schooling?

[goldberry]

I am the primary parent for homeschooling. My husband is totally "in favor" of us choosing to homeschool.

 

So this year, DD is 11 and in 6th grade. Hubby is a serious amatuer photo guy, and spends MUCH of his free hobby time in Photoshop playing around with pictures. The man KNOWS photoshop inside and out.

 

I had this great idea that hubby should share this knowledge with DD, who is also very artistic and very tech savvy. I discussed with hubby, who thought that was a "great idea". I found and purchased a disk about "Learning Photoshop Elements with Digital Scrapbooking" which I thought would be a great medium. Hubby agreed to spend about 30 minutes on this with DD, once a week.

 

About 3 weeks before school started, I asked hubby if he had looked it over, had a plan...no, not yet.

 

Two weeks into school, asked again, no, I need to do that.

 

Six weeks into school...."It's not like I haven't been busy doing other things!"

 

Really? To clarify, hubby has a very flexible job that has him out of town much of the spring and summer, but in town and often down time in the fall and winter. He IS NOT working 40 hours a week right now. Myself, in addition to HSing and home caring, work 2 part-time jobs that take about 15-20 hours per week.

 

After much discussion at the six-week mark, hubby had ONE LESSON with her. We are now at 11 weeks.

 

I am about to take this on myself out of anger, but why do I care so much about her learning things, and even something hubby is an expert at he doesn't have time to share for THIRTY FREAKING MINUTES PER WEEK!

 

Ok....calming down. Side note, hubby is very loving and caring hubby and father a majority of the time.

 

Is this normal behavior for men when it comes to schooling? Do any of your hubbies help with school?

[Mejane]

My husband did not help with homeschooling. Even when he promised to do something like science projects, he inevitably forgot or couldn't find the time. It did tick me off, so I understand where you're coming from.

 

Now, however, he helps our daughter with her college work. Thank goodness, 'cause there's no way I could do that level of math and chemistry anymore. :D

[NanceXToo]

Hmm... maybe you should tell your husband to feel free to skip the disk you found and to just let her sit down with him while he messes around on photoshop and to let her watch what he's doing, ask questions, let him make commentary to her as he goes, then he can let her mess around with it and give her tips as she goes and so on.

 

Maybe that would be much easier, and less overwhelming, and more fun that way- maybe he feels that it's too much of a 'to do list' at this point with feeling like he needs to plan and set up specific lessons.

 

Like, my husband is REALLY into saltwater fish and he's got a BIG saltwater coral reef tank and he's got this crazy filtration system that runs up from the basement, and he buys different coral and fish and so on, and just from casually showing things to our daughter and making comments to her and letting her watch him put things in and feed the fish and ask questions and so on, she knows more about all the things in that tank than I do already.

 

I'd just encourage it to be more informal, since formal lessons seem to be falling by the wayside!

 

And to answer your question, I do most of the school things with my daughter, but if there is a specific experiment or project or craft or some such that I think my husband would be good at/better than me at/ particularly interested in, I might say to him "Hey tomorrow (or such and such a day) would you do this project with dd?" and he'll say yeah, and when that day comes I'll remind him and help them get the materials ready and make sure they're set up to get started and so on and then I leave them to it.

[5Wizards]

:grouphug:

 

I'm sorry this is so frustrating for you.

 

I asked my husband to help with a few things over the years which he seemed more than willing to do. However, it never happened unless I scheduled it (learned this over time).

 

Nowadays, he does Chemistry every week, but it is a day/time that I scheduled in and remind him of it every week. Other than that, I stay out of it and let him deal with his own planning. He works 40+ hours every week and is very family oriented. He's great when teaching, but it wouldn't happen if I didn't schedule it.

 

Good luck to you however you choose to handle this!

[goldberry]

Hmm... maybe you should tell your husband to feel free to skip the disk you found and to just let her sit down with him while he messes around on photoshop and to let her watch what he's doing, ask questions, let him make commentary to her as he goes, then he can let her mess around with it and give her tips as she goes and so on.

 

 

You're right, that goes along with "letting him do it his own way" which seems such a big deal to men! It makes me crazy though.

 

BTW, saw your WW signature stats - that is awesome! Congrats!

[LauraGB]

Oh hon! And a whole bunch of :grouphug:.

 

I get it.

 

I have one of those DHs, too. You know, the ones with good intentions...but that's about it.

 

My dh was supposed to teach art and science when we first started. Never happened. Not once.

 

My dh pulled ds from piano lessons because he could teach him guitar for free (he is a fantastic guitar player)...he did buy him a nice guitar...and that was it.

 

Some DHs weren't made to teach. They are there for...other things. I don't completely get it, to be honest, but I've come to understand that it's not worth knocking myself out over. It doesn't mean he doesn't love the kids - I think it means he doesn't want to mix the role of instructor with Super Cool Dad, or better yet, doesn't know exactly "how" to do that.

 

I really wish I had better advice, but I don't. Some things are how they are. Consider the argument, the hill, the whole deal, and then decide if you can buy the instruction elsewhere if you can't offer it yourself. :glare:

 

:grouphug:

Edited November 12, 2010 by LauraGB

[goldberry]

:grouphug:

However, it never happened unless I scheduled it (learned this over time).

 

Nowadays, he does Chemistry every week, but it is a day/time that I scheduled in and remind him of it every week.

 

He's great when teaching, but it wouldn't happen if I didn't schedule it.

 

 

 

So this is probably somewhat normal I guess. You just get tired of "doing it all" sometimes...

 

But thanks for the support, ladies! It just feels better to share sometimes.

[DaffodilDreams]

Well, mine is more than willing to teach if a spontaneous learning opportunity arises and he happens to be around, but, no, he does not actually sit down and teach planned lessons. I can't imagine him ever having the desire to do that, so I'll take whatever I can get out of him and be happy with it.

[FaithManor]

Dh does a lot of science projects with our kids, teaches an occasional algebra lesson, and he teaches all of the trigonometry/pre-calc...at that point, I want a break!

 

Though he graduated college with a 3.89 gpa and a triple major, he still can't remember the difference between and adverb and an adjective...so help with language arts is OUT! He tends to have great discussions with the kids on philosophy, theology, history, and science. These happen often but aren't scheduled. They just sort of seem to come up.

 

Faith

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Yes, he tries but it takes a great deal of planning to be on the same page with expectations, how to handle materials, etc. It is difficult to maintain a 2 teacher household without a great deal of coordination.

[NanceXToo]

You're right, that goes along with "letting him do it his own way" which seems such a big deal to men! It makes me crazy though.

 

BTW, saw your WW signature stats - that is awesome! Congrats!

 

Thank you! :)

[Mejane]

Well, mine is more than willing to teach if a spontaneous learning opportunity arises and he happens to be around, but, no, he does not actually sit down and teach planned lessons.

 

Yes. Our son once found a broken headlight on the side of the road and asked hubby how that tiny bulb could make such a big light. It turned into a great spontaneous lesson about reflection/refraction/absorption... son learned so much. Now, if I had asked hubby to develop a lesson plan about the properties of light, this would have been his face - :001_huh:. :D

[hsbaby]

Ummm.....no. Not in any way. In fact, His eyes tend to glaze over when I start to talk curriculum and schooling. But, I'm okay with that. He supports us in other ways:). I agree with a pp that suggested just taking a relaxed approach and letting your dd just hang out with dad while he works.

[Pretty in Pink]

My husband helps with schooling the boys on the days that he is home from work. He can run through the little boys' lessons with no problem. DS12's lessons are a bit more challenging and he prefers that I handle most of those, as he doesn't know how some of our curriculum is set up and so forth.

 

He will talk history all day long with the kids though because it is one of his favorite topics. He does science experiments one evening per week with them. He will run them to AWANAs, karate, scouts, etc. without complaint.

 

Has your dd specifically asked your dh to sit down with her?

[Parrothead]

No.

[2cents]

My dh will help with specific hsing tasks if I am very specific about what I need. I don't ask very often though because while he is very supportive about the hsing, he isn't that good at it without direction. He is the provider that makes hsing possible for us. :)

[teachermom2834]

Mine helps with math and science stuff- extras not day to day curriculum.

 

My oldest 2 are taking the American Math Contest test this year. He has done some study sessions with them because it is really to hard for me to explain/ teach well. My oldest is doing Science Olympiad this year and I expect him to help prepare him for that.

 

It actually has worked best to have him do the "extras" like this. I don't mind if it isn't done my way on my schedule and having him teach is a novelty to the boys. Getting them to do that extra above and beyond stuff is easier with the novely factor of Dad teaching.

 

This is working very well but I can't see it ever having worked to count on dh for more regular schooling. It would have just required way too much management from me.

[FriedClams]

It's me personal opinion that HSing is my job. My Dh has a job. And then he has free time. I have a job (HSing) and I also have free time. Right now, I have less free time. In the future I will have more. I figure DH is not asking me to do his job on my free time, I won't ask him to do mine. He is supportive, encouraging, kind, involved and helpful - but he does not homeschool the kids. Some days he might read a little. He is doing Science Fair with the kids this year - but that's something he thought of and is handling. I am supportive and helpful with that - but it's his project. I don't say this to be rude or unhelpful - but to let you know that while some families have dads that are completely involved from picking curriculum to teaching - others don't. My husband is an ardent supporter of homeschooling, much like he was of breastfeeding, but that doesn't mean that he actually does it. :)

 

{And frankly, I like it this way ;)}

[elegantlion]

My dh does the more spontaneous teaching than I do. I don't plan lessons for him anymore, they never got completed. My dh works too much, has a lot on his plate, I let him share his wisdom when he has time.

[smrtmama]

Very helpful! He does computer programming with our oldest once a week (it's a 2-3 hour activity) and works on math with him several days a week. If I'm sick or need to be elsewhere, I can always count on him to take care of the school day, as long as I leave a list of what we're working on.

[katemary63]

DH teaches Bible to DD a couple of nights a week. He reads aloud to her regularily, nightly if they are in a good book. Other then that, he doesn't really have a clue what we're doing except that DD shows him a lot of her completed work and he says, "Great job!"

 

What's cute is that sometimes he has vaccation days and he's planned some project at home but it's not a day off school. We'll start our school day and He'll walk over and sit beside her to "see" what she'd doing. He'll start working with her in a workbook or something and end up teaching her school all day. He really has no clue what we're doing or where we are but he takes the next lesson, reads the directions and does it with her. It's so dang cute! He's just so proud of her and wants to be involved I guess, plus, he always gets out of the house project!

[6packofun]

Is there any way that *you* and dd could sit down together a few times to help her get the main idea and then have her proudly show dad what she learned? There is a thing called a male ego that can be very motivating. :D And I don't mean to do it like you're shoving his procrastinating/laziness/whatever in his face, either. Just matter-of-factly do it. If he doesn't seem to care and you don't want to continue with it yourself, there you go. Maybe save it for another year or find someone else who can help her. (Also a possible tweaking of the male ego..LOL)

[justamouse]

yes, he pays the credit card bills and when I need to kick peeps in the pants, he's standing behind me. He also helps with maths.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

My dh does, but he just lost his job :crying: so he has time to. He actually does very well with the kids because he is the "fun" teacher so when I am stressed by them not figuring out something he has a way of teaching it to them :001_smile:

[LibraryLover]

My dh is highly involved in every aspect of the kids' lives. He is also the one who takes them to the dentist, since I can't stand the office.

Edited November 14, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Cindyz]

My husband does MEP math, R.E.A.L. Science, Outdoor Hour and piano lessons. Also whenever I have to work he does almost all of the lessons for the day. The only thing he doesn't do is Phonics Road.

 

He will not decide curriculum (he will give input), and he has a hard time planning anything, but as long as I have it all laid out and ready to go, he does a great job with it.

 

He also reads from chapter books to him each night for about 15-20 minutes.

[dm379]

He will help out if I tell him what to do. I don't need to be specific, just leave a list of subjects.

 

Recently he was off of work for a month and I came up with the bright idea that he could teach them stuff that pertains to his job. He dragged his feet and wound up not doing it. Not sure what the problem was, maybe he didn't know where to start.

[asta]

This:

 

My dh will help with specific hsing tasks if I am very specific about what I need. I don't ask very often though because while he is very supportive about the hsing, he isn't that good at it without direction. He is the provider that makes hsing possible for us. :)

 

And this.

 

It's me personal opinion that HSing is my job. My Dh has a job.

 

DH does the "come to Jesus" talks that seem to be ever more necessary with a 16 year old raging hormones boy. (if you're not familiar with the term, those are discussions wherein the "lines in the sand" are drawn for the last time with very little discussion) I did them when ds was younger, but now he has almost a foot in height and 20 pounds on me...

 

 

a

[sagira]

Dh teaches Art on a weekly basis (he's a visual artist), and on days I need to go to my midwife he can take over as I have a pretty well oiled machine going. He also helps me with, or takes over, projects for me. This year, after the baby, he's also going to be teaching a 7-week unit on Rocks and Minerals (dh is an accredited gemologist and diamond expert), and another 6-week unit on Electricity with ds. I'm going to be part of that one too, as I want to relearn, but he's going to be at least as much involved as I am. I have lesson plans ready for him, but I'm not worried about him. He's great at improvising, the man's a genius :001_wub: and VERY efficient.

 

He's always there to help consult on artist study, art history, and History, his favorite subjects.

 

Just a few days ago he painted both kids in Maori style, and yesterday he picked wildflowers with the kids to help me out.

Edited November 12, 2010 by sagira

[Carrie12345]

Is this normal behavior for men when it comes to schooling? Do any of your hubbies help with school?

 

My dh has never helped with routine/scheduled schooling in our 3+ years. He's pretty good about taking spontaneous opportunities and making them educational (from Math to Life Skills), will occasionally take a kid to work with him, and participate in weekend field trips, but that's pretty much it.

 

Honestly, I find it easier that way! But I'm a tad bit OCD!

[Kates]

My dh is great at working on "can you do this with ds today" type projects...but he pretty much sucks at teaching anything with a lesson plan (his words, not mine). ;) I've tried having him help with formal lessons over the years, and within a week both he and ds were begging me to take back the teaching. Like offering me chocolate and shopping begging. :D (Hmmm...maybe I've got something there!)

 

However, I'm not so hot with projects at times - and dh gets right in there and does them. He doesn't so much instruct ds, as allow him to figure it out with guidance. And honestly, that's important! Not everything needs to be done with a worksheet and lesson plan - and there are times I need to remember that a bit better.

 

So, yes and no. Does he help with the formal learning that I'm perfectly capable of taking on? Not on your life, and for good reason. ;) Does he help with teaching in ways that I'm not so hot at? Yes - whenever he needs to do so, and patiently. For that, I'm grateful.

[Lolly]

Nope. Well, he did teach the kids to shoot. Nothing formal or anything. Dc took golf lessons a few years back. I asked Dh to take ds golfing one afternoon. Ds didn't hit one single ball. Ds was really upset when he got home. Dh just let ds drive the cart while dh played.:001_huh: Not exactly what ds and I were expecting to go on.:glare:

[fastforward]

My husband is "in charge" of science around here. I pick the books and he does the experiments, answers questions, and has nice, laid back science chats with our girls. It doesn't always happen on a schedule that I would like, but it does get done -- and he does a much better job than I would ever do when it comes to science.

 

When I've been too sick to work with the girls, he has filled in for me. This came in so handy last week when I came down with some odd illness that piled on top of a raging sinus infection and I was knocked down for while. :glare: I'm so thankful that he offered to pitch in after hearing me stress about the kids not getting any work done.

[delaney]

Wow I get no help and when I reached out yesterday for advice about potentially leaving my marriage due to frustration MY post got deleted.:glare:

[radiobrain]

My husband helps. Sometimes too much!

[Gratia271]

As some others have suggested, DH helps in his own way primarily on a more spontaneous or project basis. I don't advise him on how to instruct them in matters of engineering, technology, physics, etc... and he doesn't advise me. Neither one of us would probably handle it well. :D He would never work from a "lesson plan" or anything like that.

[Gratia271]

Wow I get no help and when I reached out yesterday for advice about potentially leaving my marriage due to frustration MY post got deleted.:glare:

:grouphug:

[FO4UR]

My dh does some sporadic art lessons with my dc...it helps to have the *kids* ask Daddy for the lessons. He can't say no to them unless he has to go to work LOL. I don't mind them being sporadic...it's better than what I've been doing tbh.

 

He has also acted as substitute teacher for 2 days. I left detailed lists of things to do for each child, and it was all done when I got back. Legend has it that it wasn't done "like mommy does it," but it was done.

 

He joins in discussions when he's home for history/science read alouds.

 

Other than that...no. He isn't that interested in how/why/when I teach reading and math, just that the kids are learning it.

[treestarfae]

Not really. There's no way he could explain things better than me! We have a harmonious time with our family life. My husband does his job and I'm very happy and feel like a strong, complete woman homeschooling. I am very grateful to be able to do this. I am so proud to have been a stay at home mom and now homeschooler.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Do any of your hubbies help with school?

 

nope ~ he doesn't have the patience for that sort of thing.

[Alphabetika]

My husband helps with schooling the boys on the days that he is home from work. He can run through the little boys' lessons with no problem. DS12's lessons are a bit more challenging and he prefers that I handle most of those, as he doesn't know how some of our curriculum is set up and so forth.

 

He will talk history all day long with the kids though because it is one of his favorite topics. He does science experiments one evening per week with them. He will run them to AWANAs, karate, scouts, etc. without complaint.

 

Has your dd specifically asked your dh to sit down with her?

 

:iagree:Last sentence. This is what makes the difference with my dh. I think if I ask him to do something, he interprets it as pressure. But if one of my dd's asks him, he's generally happy to do it. A good example of this is my middle dd, 12, who is nuts about building things and anything mechanical. My dh is a professional model-builder/designer and also has some good large-scale woodworking skills, so if dd approaches him with an idea or request, he tries to make it happen. One Christmas they built a stand for oldest dd's hammered dulcimer. Last year they designed and built a shed for garden tools with a room above it for dd to camp out in. Similarly with oldest dd, he is always ready to help her with any schoolwork or life questions that have to do with a Biblical worldview, the Bible in general, Old Testament history, creation/evolution, photography, politics, because these are areas he's interested in and has studied extensively on his own. But ask him to do "family worship" or "family prayer".....well, it just doesn't happen.

[Veritaserum]

No. He brings in the money so I don't have to work, but I do all school-related tasks.

[lisabelle]

My dh is doing science with ds this semester. Ds (11) wanted to get his amateur radio license--he passed the general class exam last month--which required some nice basic radio science knowledge. Now that he's passed that exam, dh is working with him in our garage, the ham shack, teaching him how to set up antennas, how to tune. I know they're planning on taking a field trip at some point this semester which will involve taking and setting up their radio and antenna "out in the field" somewhere high and seeing how far they can reach, in terms of making contact. Ds will also be building his own antenna from scratch.

 

Next semester I'll do something more traditional for science, and dh will work with him on computer programming. He hasn't decided which language--Visual Basic, Python, C++. He's looking for the right materials right now.

 

Dh is also in charge of all Boy Scouts-related things. He takes ds to all the meetings, goes on camping trips, helps him with merit badges, did all the neighborhood walking when they were doing their popcorn fundraiser.

[Rivka]

My husband is very involved. He works a compressed schedule so that he has one day a week home with the kids. On that day, he does everything except, for some reason, math. He listens to Alex read and does a FIAR lesson or field trip. He also invents educational field trips of his own, like taking the kids to visit ships in the harbor.

[Dawn in OH]

While my husband does sometimes help with school, he never plans a lesson, sets a time or date, or even sticks to a topic relevant to what they are already learning.

 

He may take over my math or science lesson, or throw in an impromptu lesson on another topic entirely on the weekend or an early morning before going to bed (he works nights).

[Wendi]

Dh is happy to help ds finish an assignment if I'm out for the evening or going to the gym. He teaches him Photoshop (he's a creative director), but not in any systematic fashion; just when they feel like it.

 

He also spent several hours this week building a mousetrap car for science class; they were both very pleased and proud when it won the class contest!:001_smile:

 

Wendi

[amyable]

Well, mine is more than willing to teach if a spontaneous learning opportunity arises and he happens to be around, but, no, he does not actually sit down and teach planned lessons. I can't imagine him ever having the desire to do that, so I'll take whatever I can get out of him and be happy with it.

 

This is exactly how it goes here too -- although I have to admit I'm not always happy about it! Especially now with dh having a slight back injury and everything falling to me while he sits on the couch. After months of this, I'm tired! But he's great about the spontaneous dinner conversations. Luckily, we have one dd that is always asking random questions that get him started.

[Audrey]

My husband does help. He teaches at least one day a week, sometimes two days a week. I do all the planning and I write everything out in detail so that if I need to be gone for work, he can jump in and do it without too much prep on his part.

[Embassy]

Ok....calming down. Side note, hubby is very loving and caring hubby and father a majority of the time.

 

Is this normal behavior for men when it comes to schooling? Do any of your hubbies help with school?

 

Sounds like he is more spontaneous than a planner. I've taken the approach that if I'm frustrated that something is not getting done I do it myself. This applies to chores, errands, or other daily living things. My dh does the same with me.

 

My dh doesn't help with homeschooling. I did ask him to do PE with them one year when I was working full-time, but my spontaneous husband didn't fit well with a specific plan. I let it go. Homeschooling is my deal and he is my cheering section. He did much better doing active things with my kids when he didn't "have to."

[goldberry]

:iagree:Last sentence. This is what makes the difference with my dh. I think if I ask him to do something, he interprets it as pressure. But if one of my dd's asks him, he's generally happy to do it..

 

This is good advice I will be trying!