The Talk...

[Aubrey]

Did you have mom talk to dd & dad talk to ds? Did you do it together?

 

I've been planning a girls' weekend & a boys' weekend for ea, but now I'm reconsidering....

 

I want dd to be comfortable talking to dh about girl issues. For ex, if she needs something from the store, & I'm not home, I don't want her to be shy about telling dh so. My dad & I *never* talked about this kind of stuff, & over the yrs, I ran into some extremely difficult circumstances because I would. not. talk. to. him. about that stuff.

 

So I'm thinking maybe dh & I should talk to ea kid together, so that it never occurs to them to be embarrassed about that sort of thing.

 

Experiences? Thoughts?

[Dayle in Guatemala]

We talked with them separately because my dds tend to be very private and easily embarrassed. I make sure that we have plenty of personal things in our house around the beginning of the month so they didn't have to worry about it much. Now, they don't worry about it since I slowly brought up things like, "Girls, are you in need of personal things this month or do we have enough?" in front of dh and them. We've also had the talk together with the dc about dating, relationships, how to make good choices, etc. It helps for them to know they can talk with dh about stuff like that.

 

Anway, that's how we've handled it and it's worked well for us. I think if we had done it together the girls would have been nervous about asking certain things with their dad in the room.

[Lolly]

My idea was mom for girls, dad for the boy. But, dad never would get around to it. It turned out to be mom for all.:tongue_smilie:

[Aubrey]

We talked with them separately because my dds tend to be very private and easily embarrassed. I make sure that we have plenty of personal things in our house around the beginning of the month so they didn't have to worry about it much. Now, they don't worry about it since I slowly brought up things like, "Girls, are you in need of personal things this month or do we have enough?" in front of dh and them. We've also had the talk together with the dc about dating, relationships, how to make good choices, etc. It helps for them to know they can talk with dh about stuff like that.

 

Anway, that's how we've handled it and it's worked well for us. I think if we had done it together the girls would have been nervous about asking certain things with their dad in the room.

 

My parents were divorced, so trips to my dad's house were occasionally very problematic for me. :001_huh::lol:

 

Our kids still seem young enough that I *think* dh & I are equal in their eyes, if that makes sense. We both change diapers, both apply bandages, help in the bath. (Not that the bigs need help, but they bathe w/ the littles often-ish.)

 

I guess I'm wondering if we can keep it that open or not. :confused:

[Aubrey]

My idea was mom for girls, dad for the boy. But, dad never would get around to it. It turned out to be mom for all.:tongue_smilie:

 

Yeah, dh has been planning to take ds on a small weekend fishing trip sometime next summer. I was going to take dd to lunch or something like that.

 

I think we'd still do something like that, but maybe have part of that time w/ both parents? I just started thinking...it might be better if they were at least a little bit comfortable talking to both of us. Kwim?

 

I'm not so worried about ds--he's a lot more like me than he is like dh, so he & I are likely to talk about anything. Dd, though...I'm not sure.

[RebeccaS]

I have not had that conversation with my oldest yet, though I know I need to. I like the idea of dh sitting in on it and I don't think it will bother my dd. She is very frank about most things and not afraid to ask questions (much the opposite of her giggly younger sis). Since we don't use disposable products here, I'd like my dh to know what's what as well, should I be out of commission when dd needs help.

[JoyfulMama]

I'd rather not have dh :svengo: during the conversation. He's already told me he is not ready for our dd10 to be 10, and is much happier being in the dark about what conversations we have had.

[fairfarmhand]

A few years ago, my dh and I were eating cereal at the kitchen table when my dd (then 9 or 10) asked us "What's sexual intercourse?" (She'd heard it on the radio...one of those horrible news stories about a ridiculous female teacher being involved with a middle school student) Well, my dh and I both had our mouths full. I've never chewed a bite so long in my life. My dh swallowed first so he got to answer the question. :)

 

I've picked up some books for her along the way to help her out, and to prove that mom (even though mom is an idiot sometimes) knows about SOME stuff.

 

She is pretty comfortable with both my dh and I, so I doubt she would be embarrassed asking him about stuff. However I think you have to look at each kid individually. I would have DIED had my dad brought certain things up to me, and I thing my second daughter is going to be like that as well. I think I need to respect that.

[Aubrey]

I have not had that conversation with my oldest yet, though I know I need to. I like the idea of dh sitting in on it and I don't think it will bother my dd. She is very frank about most things and not afraid to ask questions (much the opposite of her giggly younger sis). Since we don't use disposable products here, I'd like my dh to know what's what as well, should I be out of commission when dd needs help.

 

See, I guess I'm kind-of wondering...if a girl *would* be bothered by having her dad sit in on the conversation...wouldn't that sort-of be a good reason for including him? To help ease her discomfort?

 

Neither my parents nor dh's parents ever talked to us about any of this, so we're kind-of making it up as we go. The one thing I *know* is that I want us to talk to our kids rather than leave it up to them to figure out/someone else to explain.

[Aubrey]

A few years ago, my dh and I were eating cereal at the kitchen table when my dd (then 9 or 10) asked us "What's sexual intercourse?" (She'd heard it on the radio...one of those horrible news stories about a ridiculous female teacher being involved with a middle school student) Well, my dh and I both had our mouths full. I've never chewed a bite so long in my life. My dh swallowed first so he got to answer the question. :)

 

I've picked up some books for her along the way to help her out, and to prove that mom (even though mom is an idiot sometimes) knows about SOME stuff.

 

She is pretty comfortable with both my dh and I, so I doubt she would be embarrassed asking him about stuff. However I think you have to look at each kid individually. I would have DIED had my dad brought certain things up to me, and I thing my second daughter is going to be like that as well. I think I need to respect that.

 

I felt the same way, & I'm not really suggesting that dh bring anything up. My family was VERY weird w/ everything relating to any of this, so we all had big hang-ups about stuff.

 

I'm thinking that at least having dh present (even if he's not the main talker) might defuse some sense of embarrassment that's possible. BUT I'm *asking* if that's crazy. LOL

 

I'd love for dd to feel like it's really not a big deal. Not fodder for restaurant conversation, lol, but as embarrassing as saying, "Hey, we're out of TP." Or milk. Whatever. And I guess I feel like some of that is on me to convey NO embarrassment to her.

 

But I'm 31 & still won't check out w/ a male checker when I'm buying personal items. I also pile things strategically in my buggy & bypass what I need if a man is standing on that aisle. So this will be a BIG stretch for me to teach her to not be embarrassed! :lol:

[dangermom]

We had both parents for our older daughter. It worked great for us, because my husband is way better at explaining than I am. She mostly asks me questions if she has them, though.

 

Younger daughter hasn't had the talk yet, but it will be both.

 

We don't have sons but if we did I would expect to be in on it. My husband's mom mostly did that job with him. She did a pretty good job.

[RebeccaS]

See, I guess I'm kind-of wondering...if a girl *would* be bothered by having her dad sit in on the conversation...wouldn't that sort-of be a good reason for including him? To help ease her discomfort?

 

Neither my parents nor dh's parents ever talked to us about any of this, so we're kind-of making it up as we go. The one thing I *know* is that I want us to talk to our kids rather than leave it up to them to figure out/someone else to explain.

 

I think for me, it would have MORTIFIED me, having my Dad along. (On the other hand, I just didn't feel comfortable talking to my Dad about anything personal, even as an adult....like when we were in the Tractor Supply and I was in labor and he was walking so doggone fast and I was trying to breathe through contractions and....ok, you get the drift.) However, since my mother was so clearly uncomfortable, I didn't ask her any questions anyway. I got out the encyclopedia and read up on things I needed clarification on. :001_huh: My personal feelings (with absolutely no basis) would be that if you are comfy talking to her in the first place, then including dh would be a good idea. I would think there may come a time when she needs something and having the comfort level to talk to dad about it would be great.

 

I do wonder how my dh feels about this, though. I haven't thought to ask him yet... Perhaps I'll just spring it on him. "Honey, how about some dessert oh and while we're at it, let's have 'the talk' with Ruthie!" :D

[Parrothead]

No, dh would not be comfortable talking to dd. He won't run to the store and buy me things. I can easily see him having his mom buy a few years supply for dd just after my funeral. Then having her restock every time she visits.

[fairfarmhand]

No, dh would not be comfortable talking to dd. He won't run to the store and buy me things. I can easily see him having his mom buy a few years supply for dd just after my funeral. Then having her restock every time she visits.

 

 

This would have been my dad. I can also see my dh doing this, or ordering a huge carton online to avoid the store.

[elise1mds]

I wound up having The Talk with my son when he asked me last May about "how humans mate." (Think he's Asperger's? Maybe?) I was doing dishes and about dropped the plates I was holding. I held it together, though, and we had a good conversation. He asked questions, and I answered honestly and in a way I thought his brain could handle - in other words, scientifically and with lots of technical terms. He hasn't mentioned it since, though I'm sure he has the knowledge locked away in his brain somewhere. It just doesn't register as important to him because it's all very gross to him yet - think Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and how he views the swapping of bodily fluids, and that'd be about right.

 

Anywho, so there was that. I called DH and told him about it afterwards, and he just laughed and said he was glad it wasn't him. Obviously DS wasn't embarrassed in the least, so it all worked out. I'm sure I'll have The Talk with DD in a few years, too.

[Julie in CA]

Obviously, every family is going to have their own level of comfort about "the talk". For our family, I think it would have been too open for dad to be present during the conversation. I view modesty as a virtue, and it seems (to me) that we live in a society that is so completely open about personal matters that there is no modesty any more, or even any sense that it's necessary. Theoretically, a conversation with dad is different than sharing private conversations with just anybody, but I've found that I'm ok with my dd's feeling like they have the option of keeping some things more private. My girls would certainly speak up if they needed feminine products and such, not because their dad was part of "the talk", but because they've lived in a household where they've heard me quietly say to my husband (their dad) that I need to stop at the store on the way home from church for feminine products, etc.

 

I'm probably in the minority on this stance, but since you asked, thought I'd mention that either way will probably be just fine. :001_smile:

[Aubrey]

No, dh would not be comfortable talking to dd. He won't run to the store and buy me things. I can easily see him having his mom buy a few years supply for dd just after my funeral. Then having her restock every time she visits.

 

Dh is *very* good about this sort of thing. And he considers chocolate one of the necessary supplies. :D

 

My gr-gr-mother had a code word she used w/ her dh, so that if she had an emergency & they had company, she could still send him to the store discreetly. I love that, & dh & I use the same code word, but more jokingly. I figure it's a good thing to pass on to dd. :001_smile:

[Laurie4b]

we told our kids stuff so early, that it wasn't an issue. 8 was the oldest to find out how babies are made. After that, my dh took them off for a weekend trip and still does periodically. He talks with them about porn, etc. now that they are older. I don't think that they have any issues with talking with me if there were a need, but I also think it is natural that they would prefer to talk with their father.

[jplain]

I'm the oldest of 6, and had to sit in on The Talk a few times. My parents did it together, and it wasn't awkward. It was matter of fact. Later on, they had separate conversations with individual boys and girls as necessary to discuss topics like menstruation and nocturnal emissions.

 

With our kids, we aren't having The Talk, because it won't be necessary. Instead, we've been having casual conversations since the kids were old enough to talk. I started talking to my older daughter in an age-appropriate way about menstruation when she was a precociously verbal 2.5 years old, and I was postpartum with her younger sister. It was difficult to hide that I was having postpartum bleeding when I needed her to be in a public restroom stall with me; she needed an explanation. More recently, at age 6 she finally asked how the sperm get from the dad to the egg inside the mom's body. Thank goodness! I'd been ready to have that conversation for a couple of years, and was surprised she hadn't asked yet.

 

I firmly believe that awkwardness around the topic of sexuality comes from the attitudes our parents passed along to us. We're doing our darndest to not pass that same awkwardness on to our kids. We're hoping that straightforward, honest answers, with no topic off limits, will help our kids develop healthy, safe, and respectful attitudes toward sexuality. However, in reality, I've been doing most of the talking, simply because I'm the primary caregiver. DH is thrilled that most of the questions have been asked when he happens to be at work. :D

[Mimm]

My husband doesn't like talking about those things so he leaves it up to me. He uses the excuse that they're girls so it's all on me. I know that growing up that neither of my parents really talked to me about anything and I found it very difficult to talk to either of them about it.

[Laura Corin]

We haven't made a big production of the subject - it has come up at various times over the years, with more information added each time. I've done most of the talking, but I've sent the boys to DH for particular anatomical questions, so they are used to talking to both of us.

 

Laura

[Mabelen]

With our kids, we aren't having The Talk, because it won't be necessary. Instead, we've been having casual conversations since the kids were old enough to talk.

 

This is us too. I don't think my dd would be embarassed to ask her dad, but I don't think he would know what to buy, I always do that shopping... It helps that in my dh's culture there is a celebration that involves the whole family around the coming of the menses and we decided to embrace it.

[Rivka]

The "products" part of the discussion reminds me of my older brother calling me on his cell phone from the drugstore aisle, right after his first child was born. He'd been sent out to buy postpartum supplies, had NO IDEA what to get, and I guess didn't want to admit it in front of his wife and in-laws.

 

I'm not a fan of having a Big Talk; I'd rather introduce the information bit by bit over time, as it comes up in context or conversation. If I do at some point decide that I need to sit my daughter down for a Big Talk to ensure that everything has been covered, then yes, I would certainly want my husband to be there too. He's a very involved, hands-on father, and I don't want to give either him or her the impression that that should end when she hits puberty.

[Aubrey]

The "products" part of the discussion reminds me of my older brother calling me on his cell phone from the drugstore aisle, right after his first child was born. He'd been sent out to buy postpartum supplies, had NO IDEA what to get, and I guess didn't want to admit it in front of his wife and in-laws.

 

I'm not a fan of having a Big Talk; I'd rather introduce the information bit by bit over time, as it comes up in context or conversation. If I do at some point decide that I need to sit my daughter down for a Big Talk to ensure that everything has been covered, then yes, I would certainly want my husband to be there too. He's a very involved, hands-on father, and I don't want to give either him or her the impression that that should end when she hits puberty.

 

We've answered questions as they've come up (together), but so far, dd hasn't had any. I guess that's kind-of unusual now that I think about it. :confused:

 

Anyway, I want her to be prepared for puberty. I'm thinking 8. I'd wait longer, but just in case she's an early bloomer, I don't want her to be scared, worried, confused, etc.

 

Otoh, I don't want to fill either of their heads w/ things they aren't ready to think about. So I guess I'd say we're somewhere between late & gradual on the spectrum?

 

Mostly, I'd never considered both of us talking to them, & today out of the blue, I thought--huh. Why not? :lol:

[brijen97]

We haven't had "the talk" yet but probably will in the next year or so. We plan on using the book my parents used with me....Where did I come from? Its a picture book and explains everything very well. Its a good starting point and will be something we can easily do together without anyone getting embrassed. I hope! It sounds good in theory any way. :0) My mom told me the other day how nervous both herself and the mom of a friend were and in the end we just took the information in stride much faster than they thought. If that helps at all!!

[Britomart]

We've answered questions as they've come up (together), but so far, dd hasn't had any. I guess that's kind-of unusual now that I think about it. :confused:

 

Anyway, I want her to be prepared for puberty. I'm thinking 8. I'd wait longer, but just in case she's an early bloomer, I don't want her to be scared, worried, confused, etc.

 

I just have to say: this is very thoughtful of you. Your daughter's lucky to have a mom who thinks ahead like this!

 

fwiw, I grew up with both my mom and my dad answering questions when I had them. We never had any one big talk - it was always an open subject if I had questions (like when my mom was pregnant with my little brother, when I heard stuff at school, etc.). As I grew up, I really appreciated being able to talk to both of them. I usually headed to my mom first, to be honest, but there were a few times when I was old enough to be dating that I was very glad that I felt free to go and ask my dad's advice about how guys think!

 

 

And that's what we're doing in our house. Our two oldest already know the basics (though I'm not sure my four year old remembers!) because it came up during my pregnancies. The two youngest will get questions answered when they have them - and that'll be from whichever parent they happen to ask. I always want my kids to know that they can ask us their questions and that we will 1) be honest with them and 2) have better and more information than they can get from their friends. I want my husband and I to be the preferred providers of information here! :D

[LinRTX]

We have a very short to-the-point talk with the child, dh, and I all together and without the other children. Then we plan a weekend get-away with the child (boys with dh and girls with me) alone to go more in depth. I need to plan that weekend with my youngest now.

 

Linda

[Aubrey]

I just have to say: this is very thoughtful of you. Your daughter's lucky to have a mom who thinks ahead like this!

 

Thank you--that means so much. It occurs to me now...I couldn't talk to my mom, either, really--she got angry whenever I had questions, & I was too shy to talk to anyone else. So I guess whatever we do, dd will at least have one more parent to talk to than I did! :tongue_smilie:

[The Girls' Mom]

For us, I had 'the talk' with her, but reassured her that dh knew ALL about it, and that she could go to him at any time if she needed to. We are pretty open about bodily functions around here, so we pretty much act as if it's all no big deal, while stressing the importance of marriage being the only appropriate place for se*xual activity.

 

That said, my oldest is VERY easily embarrassed by such talk, regardless of our attempts to make her comfortable with it. The younger two are completely comfortable about it.

 

I've not had the complete talk with the younger two yet, but it's coming up soon. They know about periods, puberty and such already though.

[Liz CA]

This would have been my dad. I can also see my dh doing this, or ordering a huge carton online to avoid the store.

 

:lol:

Dh and I were looking for a hot water bottle because I still believe in hot compress or heat for all kinds of aches. We finally find one in a carton. When we look at the outside picture, we see the water bottle with all kinds of pipes and who knows what attached. It was a "Combination Hot Water Bottle and Enema".

Dh didn't even want to check out with it but did it anyway. :lol:

Edited October 19, 2010 by Liz CA

[Impish]

Diva's an early bloomer. She's had her period almost a year now, and turns 12 next month.

 

We'd had an ongoing convo, so no surprises on her end as to what was happening. Finding the right product and using it correctly was the only 'blank spot'.

 

Wolf tends to disappear when Diva and I start talking, and I received a huge "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!" when she realized Daddy knew she was menstruating, so I don't think she'd choose Dad as a #1 source of info.

 

Then again, Wolf probably buys my supplies more than I do, and isn't hesitant in the least about it. Diva would probably die if she was with Daddy and he was buying her supplies though.

 

Almost-teen girls are weird. :tongue_smilie:

[Cindyg]

Dad talks to the boys, mom talks to the girls.

 

As far as impromptu conversations when things just come up, well, that depends on how private vs. open the individuals are. I think both parents should convey an attitude of being willing to discuss any subject with any child any time; but I think they should also respect the child's privacy and be willing to back off, leave the room, or encourage the child to ask the same-sex parent at the slightest indication. I think it's also possible that a touchy topic could be handled via e-mail. I know that sounds crazy, but I think it's a door that the parent should suggest and leave open to the child.

 

ETA: My mom was mad that I *didn't* want to talk to her about anything. I think the child should have that option too.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Cindyg

[Barry Goldwater]

Did you have mom talk to dd & dad talk to ds? Did you do it together?

 

I've been planning a girls' weekend & a boys' weekend for ea, but now I'm reconsidering....

 

I want dd to be comfortable talking to dh about girl issues. For ex, if she needs something from the store, & I'm not home, I don't want her to be shy about telling dh so. My dad & I *never* talked about this kind of stuff, & over the yrs, I ran into some extremely difficult circumstances because I would. not. talk. to. him. about that stuff.

 

So I'm thinking maybe dh & I should talk to ea kid together, so that it never occurs to them to be embarrassed about that sort of thing.

 

Experiences? Thoughts?

 

 

JMHO, DH with 4 daughters...my girls would have HATED a 'special' weekend for such a discussion...they would not have liked 'such a big deal or focus' on the topic...

 

But the topic of the on-set of puberty, s*x, reproduction, marriage and purity, etc. has been casual and ongoing since they were very little...things like, 'where do babies come from,' all the way to 'why does my friend little Susie live with her grandma and not her mom & dad :crying: (never married, mom was an addict, dad was an inadvertant donor)' have forced us to deal with some of this, at their appropriate age level.

 

May not be helpful to you, but we live on a farm, and the concepts of a livestock animal 'coming into season' for breeding, what make a 'gelding' from a stallion or a 'steer' from a bull, the fact that it can take JUST ONE TIME to make a goat doe or horse or dog or cow pregnant, and 'other issues' have actually made it very easy for us to have these discussions...and we've used the Bible for the perspective and attitude that we wish to impart to our girls on these matters, which has been helpful to us, FWIW.

 

Good luck!

[Mom-ninja.]

No. I have boys. I have explained things to my oldest. DH has not said anything to ds. He grew up in a house where the Talk never happened. It was never discussed and it was clear that questions were not to be asked. So Dh is not very comfortable at the thought of explaining things. He's getting there with my help. :001_smile:

[fairfarmhand]

JMHO, DH with 4 daughters...my girls would have HATED a 'special' weekend for such a discussion...they would not have liked 'such a big deal or focus' on the topic...

 

But the topic of the on-set of puberty, s*x, reproduction, marriage and purity, etc. has been casual and ongoing since they were very little...things like, 'where do babies come from,' all the way to 'why does my friend little Susie live with her grandma and not her mom & dad :crying: (never married, mom was an addict, dad was an inadvertant donor)' have forced us to deal with some of this, at their appropriate age level.

 

May not be helpful to you, but we live on a farm, and the concepts of a livestock animal 'coming into season' for breeding, what make a 'gelding' from a stallion or a 'steer' from a bull, the fact that it can take JUST ONE TIME to make a goat doe or horse or dog or cow pregnant, and 'other issues' have actually made it very easy for us to have these discussions...and we've used the Bible for the perspective and attitude that we wish to impart to our girls on these matters, which has been helpful to us, FWIW.

 

Good luck!

 

 

I would have rather had my toenails pulled out than to go on a weekend with my mom or dad specifically to talk about that!!!!

 

We live on a farm too. It does help with those awkward situations, because they are familiar with anatomy and breeding.

[Shawna in Texas]

I'm trying to remember the progression around here. When we started discussing these issues, etc. She knew early on about menstruation because we never had the bathroom privacy talk :tongue_smilie: , so that worked out for us in the long run. She started when she was 10, while I was on mine, and while her 12 yo cousin (who was visiting) was on hers, so it was like a party. She didn't have an opportunity to be embarrassed. DH broke the ice and told her to come along and pick out whatever pads she needed, so they both went and dh patiently got talked into a number of different things they "needed". I really think him insisting he take her to pick out pads really helped.

 

As for other talks, they've been ongoing, and usually dh isn't involved. The thing that helped the most was me getting pregnant when she was 9. Once she realized what that really entailed, I could see some hesitation, but I made sure to make it as technical (no names and faces lol) as possible. Now though, we talk about emotions and respect and non-technical things.

 

I remember one mortifying dinner. We were eating out. The baby was fussing in the restaurant and I was trying to sooth her. DD pulled her out of the car seat and cradled her and told us very sternly, 'Look, I don't care if you have sex. I don't want another baby in the house. This is all I can handle.' :lol:

[dcjlkplus3]

our solution so far has been supervised reading :tongue_smilie:

We've answered questions as they've come up (together), but so far, dd hasn't had any. I guess that's kind-of unusual now that I think about it. :confused: We haven't had any questions like these from our kids (5,7,9) - so to me it is usual

 

Anyway, I want her to be prepared for puberty. I'm thinking 8. I'd wait longer, but just in case she's an early bloomer, I don't want her to be scared, worried, confused, etc. My oldest just turned 9 this past September, last spring we checked out the American Girl book The Care and Keeping of Me, she read it and really liked it, and made sure she knew to ask us questions, but didn't discuss it much. I also preread it so I knew what was in it. It is made for that younger age nd has everything from washing your face to starting a period.

 

 

Otoh, I don't want to fill either of their heads w/ things they aren't ready to think about. So I guess I'd say we're somewhere between late & gradual on the spectrum?

 

Mostly, I'd never considered both of us talking to them, & today out of the blue, I thought--huh. Why not? :lol:

 

[Aubrey]

JMHO, DH with 4 daughters...my girls would have HATED a 'special' weekend for such a discussion...they would not have liked 'such a big deal or focus' on the topic...

 

Dd's a very girly-girl. She's always asking when we can have a "Girls' Night." This would just be an extended version of that, to talk about whatever comes up. Quality time together, scrapbooking, or going for her first pedicure or whatever.

 

I've already mentioned that we're going to do something like that (in vague terms) next summer. She's *delighted.*

 

Coming from my background, I'd rather have a parent mess up by trying too hard than just checking out. Hopefully, if she hates it, she'll understand. :001_smile:

[Barry Goldwater]

Dd's a very girly-girl. She's always asking when we can have a "Girls' Night." This would just be an extended version of that, to talk about whatever comes up. Quality time together, scrapbooking, or going for her first pedicure or whatever.

 

I've already mentioned that we're going to do something like that (in vague terms) next summer. She's *delighted.*

 

Coming from my background, I'd rather have a parent mess up by trying too hard than just checking out. Hopefully, if she hates it, she'll understand. :001_smile:

 

Stating the obvious, but you know your DD, and you clearly know the appropriate way to approach this for her personality. For mine, I would have better luck bringing up the topic sideways while the two of us butchered chickens together or while cleaning guns :lol:. I'm sure it will go fine :)

[Garga]

The whole idea of going away for a weekend for The Talk sounds so strange to me! I would have been horrified if my mom did that with me.

 

But, I guess that's just me. I would be the sort of kid who would have keeled over and simply died if my father had been there during the conversation. Of course, now I realize that my father probably has Aspergers, so a conversation about something so personal would have been simply disastrous. He totally does NOT pick up on social cues and often says the completely worst thing he could say during delicate conversations.

 

Thankfully, I went to a Catholic school and in 5th grade, the nuns taught us everything we needed to know. :tongue_smilie: My parents told me nothing. One day I came home to a pair of my underwear on the bed with the pad stuck in it as a demonstration.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Garga

[Saille]

LOL, Garga! My mom gave me a book with a nun on the cover. It was...ahem...not informational.

 

Ds9 is enrolled in OWL right this minute. In class, they're mostly talking about puberty changes and interpersonal communication. The text, which he reads at home, is It's Perfectly Normal. It's fairly explicit while explaining things simply and honestly.

 

Now, in theory ds would read this to himself. But I gave him an earlier book in the same series about a year ago, and it was pretty clear to me that he told me he read it, but skimmed it at best. At the time, I let it go, but now he's getting to the age where if we don't assert our family's worldview WRT "tea", someone else is going to get there first. So, I offered to read it with him, and he seemed more comfortable with that. So, we've done the last thing I ever expected, and read almost the entire thing together, with discussion. He hasn't asked for his dad. His dad knows I'm reading it with him, and hasn't asked to take a turn. I'd say it pushes his limits a bit, but not so much that he asks to read it alone or to stop reading...and this is a kid who'll pitch a fit if he doesn't want to do seatwork. A couple of times, we've talked about the fact that some of this won't really *matter* until he's much older, but that it's important to have correct information, b/c so many people don't. Based on our experience, I'd guess that I'm now the official "talk" person for all kids...but we'll see.

 

Oh, but he did say, when we talked about the fact that some cultures have puberty celebrations, that he'd be OK with "like a party because I'm older, or something, but not because of PUBERTY stuff! That would be weird!" With Dd, on the other hand, I'll likely do a ritual involving a bracelet and special beads to mark her first year of menses, and she'll love the secret womens' club initiation aspect of that.

[JeneralMom]

We are very open and have had casual conversations already with all the kids, so I don't think there will be a Big Talk. I would have been mortified at any kind of recognition of menses (and I was 16 when I got it) and did not tell my mother for at least a year after I got it (I only got it twice in that year) and always hide it from her...luckily one pack of pads lasted for years with me. I NEVER would have spoken to my dad about it. My family did not operate that way. My mother was way too open about it (I remember her always calling me into the bathroom from the time I was little while she was sitting on the toilet with the soiled pad exposed so she could send me to get her a fresh one - scared for life).

 

My brother is extremely open with his daughters and they with him. They discuss menstruation and sex with him as much as with my SIL. I want that for my children - both girls and boys.

[vonfirmath]

My idea was mom for girls, dad for the boy. But, dad never would get around to it. It turned out to be mom for all.:tongue_smilie:

 

My dad did the "Talk" (or, rather, talks, starting when we were 8 or 9) for both me and my sister. I think if it was left up to mom, we might have gotten nothing but what the world told us or what we read in library books before our wedding.

 

I even remember my dad running out and getting me teen-size tampons when I started bleeding and we had none in the house.

[Heather in WI]

I had the talk unexpectedly last year with our then 9 and 7 year old after they read the Human Body Encyclopedia. We had it up on a high shelf and well ... they found it and read it ... a little earlier then we had planned.

 

It was awkward.

 

"Did Dad and you do that?"

 

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Heh-heh. ""How do you think we had all these children?!?!?!"

 

But, honestly, it went very well and I'm glad we got "the big discussion" over with. Since then we've had mini-talks several times, which we've made certain to say, "Yeah, this is a little embarrassing, but I want you to know that you can ask me anything." If you say that right up front, it seems to make everyone smile and relax a little bit.

 

I don't think my boys would want to go away for the weekend to discuss "it". That would put too much pressure on it for us.

[Parrothead]

I remember one mortifying dinner. We were eating out. The baby was fussing in the restaurant and I was trying to sooth her. DD pulled her out of the car seat and cradled her and told us very sternly, 'Look, I don't care if you have sex. I don't want another baby in the house. This is all I can handle.' :lol:

Love it!:lol:

 

 

 

Did I mention that you ladies here prompted me to have the cycle talk a year earlier than I planned? Or that I had the talk with dd on the 4th of July after taking an Ambien? We were lying in my bed and I was drawing light pictures with my glow necklace.

[KidsHappen]

I did all the talking (to both genders) but the girls are comfortable asking dad to buy them things if they need and he does do it. He has taken them shopping for bras and swimsuits. He is comfortable discussing bodily functions with them but would rather not discuss anything more private or personal if he doesn't have to. The one time my son zipped his males parts into his pjs, I let my hubby handle that. Sometimes it is easier if you have the same parts. ;)

[KidsHappen]

But the topic of the on-set of puberty, s*x, reproduction, marriage and purity, etc. has been casual and ongoing since they were very little...things like, 'where do babies come from,' all the way to 'why does my friend little Susie live with her grandma and not her mom & dad :crying: (never married, mom was an addict, dad was an inadvertant donor)' have forced us to deal with some of this, at their appropriate age level. Good luck!

 

This is pretty much the way we have done things as well and while we don't have a farm, all of the children but the youngest have attended a birth and witnessed plenty of nursing. They also fully understand how daddy and all the animals got fixed (I realize it was not the same way, as do they. ;) )

[Peela]

We have never had The Talk...they just learned in small increments since they were toddlers.

There is a lot of humour around the various aspects, in our home. Plenty of crude humour, too. Both the kids are a little embarrassed but not too bad...the humour allows it all to be expressed and discussed regularly in various aspects. Their dad's way of talkign usually involves humour.

I did do the talking with dd around her periods, but when she gets cramps or feels bad because of them, her dad is sympathetic and gets her a hot water bottle etc. Before dd16 got her period she didnt want to talk about it at all..it was hard to get enough information into her because she didnt want it to happen at all..so I gave her a book to read and I think she did. When it happened, her girlfriends all talked about it - she has great girlfriends- and she often tells me oh so and so got their period the same day as I did this month- that sort of thing. She wouldnt say that sort of thing in front of her dad, though.

 

I run a womens group that dd16 is part of. We discuss these things there- I feel very happy to have my dd there.

[Rivka]

LOL, Garga! My mom gave me a book with a nun on the cover. It was...ahem...not informational.

 

Ds9 is enrolled in OWL right this minute. In class, they're mostly talking about puberty changes and interpersonal communication. The text, which he reads at home, is It's Perfectly Normal. It's fairly explicit while explaining things simply and honestly.

 

Oh, yeah! Thank heavens for OWL. My husband and I are co-teachers for the grade 7-9 class, so we've had plenty of opportunity explaining things to kids of the opposite sex. Although I'm sure our own kids will feel different.

 

My parents gave us booklets called "A Doctor Talks to Five- to Eight-Year-Olds" and "A Doctor Talks to Nine- to Twelve-Year-Olds." They were exactly like they sound like they would be: extremely clear and biological, with no information whatsoever on emotions or decision-making. My parents also did a great job of covering... the biology. I love that OWL puts equal weight on the physical, the emotional, the relational, and the ethical/justice aspects of sex.

[fairfarmhand]

One day I came home to a pair of my underwear on the bed with the pad stuck in it as a demonstration.

 

 

Bless your heart!!!

 

But still that IS funny!!!!!

 

:lol: