Opinions on having 2nd/3rd baby showers...

[Homemama2]

...especially if your other kids are under 4 or 5 years old.

 

I was invited to 2 baby showers this month for 2 acquaintances. They are giving each other a shower. One is preg. with her 3rd boy (the oldest turns 4 this month) The other is having her second child (oldest just turned 3 this month). These people are nurses and hubbies are engineers, so it's not a financial thing. But these are going to be full blown showers w/ registries etc. I attended the other showers for these girls and I know the showers were huge...I'm not sure what else they could possibly need except disposable stuff. I will probably attend....but I'm just wondering if this is the norm?

[HayesW]

While every baby is a blessing, it seems a bit excessive to me. We typically do a diaper and dinner shower for a smaller group when mom is expecting a 2nd or 3rd child.

[eternalknot]

It's normal for where I live. The median income for my small town is $148K as of 2009, so it's definitely not a money thing here either (my son just learned that this week as part of our social studies project LOL).

 

My kids are five years apart in age. I didn't have a shower for either one, and made it clear I wouldn't attend one if thrown. Showers don't float my boat. I try to avoid them in general, but especially if it's (1) an aquaintance and (2) who has had a kid within the 3-4 years prior. I do send a gift because I think it's important to acknowledge each child's arrival, but that's usually after I've received a birth announcement or phone call.

[BigMamaBird]

While every baby is a blessing, it seems a bit excessive to me. We typically do a diaper and dinner shower for a smaller group when mom is expecting a 2nd or 3rd child.

 

That sounds right to me. Though, I usually buy a present for the baby no matter what # it is simply because I love buying teensy little baby things for those I love.

[Natalieclare]

I love showers for every baby. I love the chance to celebrate each baby. At our showers, we typically pray for the mom and baby and write encouraging notes to be placed in a baby book. I'm glad that all my kids have these things, not just the first one. I think my subsequent children would be sad to see my oldest had received so many blessings but they got nada. Each shower has been meaningful to me.

 

That being said, I think my circle's showers are pretty modest, which I like---so much less pressure. I just had my sixth and my friends threw me a shower, though I am not a "registry" kind of mom. People did bring presents, but mostly stuff like a few packs of onesies or a romper or two. I didn't have any of the newborn stuff, so it was a real blessing.

[AuntieM]

Dinner and diapers, that's what came to my mind as well.

 

I had a couple of showers for #1, then two years later when the twins came along, kind folks sent a few things they knew I'd need in duplicate, plus meals.

 

A decade later, after I'd cleared out all the baby stuff, a shower was very helpful. But I did not expect one, it was a sweet surprise.

[Night Elf]

Every baby is special, especially to the mom & dad, and his/her arrival should be gladly anticipated and celebrated. I would have been very sad if my 2nd and 3rd children had only hand-me-downs for everything. I understand that some big items would be re-used such as a crib, cradle, and high chair. I don't understand why someone would have a problem buying new clothes, toys, bottles, towels, and blankets for a new baby. Likely, these friends of yours didn't need the first baby showers if they are so well off, but it's a way to celebrate. Why not do the same thing for the rest of their children? You could easily spend less than $10 on a small gift. If that is too much or the norm is to spend alot more, you could always have something else to do on 'shower day' and mail her a card later.

 

FWIW, I didn't save baby clothes from child to child. I never saw the point since I only had inexpensive items like onesies and Target outfits. Lots of stuff got stained and I didn't even donate those. Yuck.

 

Also, even cribs might get replaced these days if someone owns the cool kind that grows with the child. Some go from cribs to toddler bed to full-sized headboard. I wish I had had one of those for my kids.

[elinnea]

I think every baby should be celebrated. However I don't think they need to be big over-the-top affairs, even for baby #1. I missed out having showers with my older two as they were born in Germany and showers aren't done there. I was really touched when I was expecting #3 that I had a shower thrown for me. It was really low-key just a few friends, my Mom, Sis and SIL. We went out for a yummy lunch and I had a few pressies to open.

[ThelmaLou]

Funny you should ask. I'm the newly arrived member on our church hospitality committe. We have/had 8 pregnant moms at one time, and I found out that our practice has been "every baby is a celebration." Mind you, our church is very, very small, and we also deliver a week's worth of meals to new moms. I had two showers a couple of weekends ago (for two moms who hadn't delivered yet) and I also delivered two meals for moms who had already given birth. Yikes. I love babies, and they're a gift from God, but we're not all made out of money, and I have to consider my time constraints, too. The idea of having a church-wide shower for any baby other than the first is a problem for me. Actually, having no church-wide shower at all would be fine. Back to invitations for a few close friends and family members would suit me. That way, you don't lay a time/money/guilt burden on anyone. Those who are able can sign up for meals and give a gift if they so choose. We really do have generous church members, but we've imposed a heavy burden on the congregation by making all of these showers a church-wide ordeal.

[Homemama2]

 

 

That's honestly not the issue. For all of my close friends I do give a gift or send a gift for each child if they live far away. Including my dear friend who is prego w/ #9.

It's more of the whole 'gimme gimme' attitude. I guess I know the hearts of these girls so that is what is coloring my attitude. I actually gave the first shower for one of the girls b/c the other girl who had planned to do it backed out (she backed out b/c of the girl's demands on what the shower should involve.) It turned into a ridulously overthetop affair, that I had to pay for myself while dh was only on part time...yada yada. And I suppose the fact I was raised by a mom who said one shower was enough and you should save and reuse, or plan to buy your own stuff also colors my view :tongue_smilie:....not saying she was right of course...

I was just curious if this was the new norm b/c none of my other friends have had showers for more than the first baby.

[mommylawyer]

I think it is a bit excessive, especially since they've had showers before. If you're able to go, then do so. Perhaps instead of buying something from the registry, you can instead give them cards letting them know you'd be happy to provide a meal for them and their families once the babies are born. I know I appreciated the food people brought me when I had newborns!

[Nakia]

I had three showers with my first daughter, one at church, one from family, and one at work. :D I had three girls in 5 years, but I had still had a small shower for the 2nd and 3rd. I didn't register for the 2nd and 3rd, so I was given lots of diapers and cute clothes. I felt very blessed.

 

I think it's nice to do something for each baby. A good friend of mine requested not to have a shower with her 2nd baby, so we had a "pamper mom" shower. We all bought gifts just for her and a freezer meal, and it was very special. I also like the idea of a "diaper and book" shower, which seems to be popular around here for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies.

[Night Elf]

It's more of the whole 'gimme gimme' attitude. I guess I know the hearts of these girls so that is what is coloring my attitude.

 

Well, that's an entirely different issue. I don't think that has anything to do with the baby shower, but with their personal selves. I don't have much patience for bridezilla type people. I don't care how special an event is, no one has the right to push other people around. I don't do 'spoiled' people. :)

 

FWIW, I thought baby showers for each baby was the norm. I learned of 1-shower theory from this board. :)

[Mrs Mungo]

Every place we have lived has done it differently. I had a shower with my eldest and my youngest, not my middle dd. Personally? I like showers for each baby. In the military community you don't always know if they even got a shower the first time around. Generally, showers in our community do not include big-ticket item gifts.

 

In the case of lots of pregnant mommas in a church or unit? Do a combined showers for moms due in August or even moms due in July and August.

[kmacnchs]

...especially if your other kids are under 4 or 5 years old.

 

I was invited to 2 baby showers this month for 2 acquaintances. They are giving each other a shower. One is preg. with her 3rd boy (the oldest turns 4 this month) The other is having her second child (oldest just turned 3 this month). These people are nurses and hubbies are engineers, so it's not a financial thing. But these are going to be full blown showers w/ registries etc. I attended the other showers for these girls and I know the showers were huge...I'm not sure what else they could possibly need except disposable stuff. I will probably attend....but I'm just wondering if this is the norm?

 

nope! not the norm here! I really wish I could have had a shower for my 3rd (was a different gender from first 2). I am on #4 and still am scrounging for boy clothes :001_smile: I have only known of people giving showers for the 1st...

[Parrothead]

I think baby showers for each baby are fine. I think they are great if there is a great age difference between the first (few) and the next (few) baby. And if the first one(s) is a different gender than the second.

 

The shower that I was complaining about was for the 4th baby to this couple. The baby is a girl and all the others are boys. So much pink in one room was great.

[Jen+4dc]

While every baby is a blessing,...We typically do a diaper and dinner shower for a smaller group when mom is expecting a 2nd or 3rd child.

:iagree:

 

I like the idea of celebrating every baby. In my circle of friends we will often all get together and buy one larger item that might be needed with many little ones (like a double stroller) or we will do a diaper, frozen meal shower or something like that.

 

It's fun and an excuse to have cake.

:iagree:

 

Every new life deserves a party, even if it's a "pamper mom" or a "diaper" shower! I'm always happy to throw a diaper shower for a mom with older kids, I just think it's fun.:D

 

Registering for the 2nd/3rd/etc is a bit excessive.:001_huh:

[ScoutTN]

Unless the baby is a different gender from all of it's sibs or there is a big gap in the years (a surprise or long-awaited).

 

More typical here are help with meals (even before baby comes), childcare, housework and perhaps a card with a package of diapers. This in a church community with very wide ranging income level ($40K - $200K+ annually).

[ChristusG]

Just curious....are these people with 2 or more children throwing their own showers? If not, and someone wants to throw them a shower, how can they say "No, you can't do that." Someone is extending a nice gesture to them.....why would they turn down a nice gesture?

 

I certainly didn't expect a baby shower with my second child. DD#1 was 2 years and 11 months when DD#2 was born. I had all of the big stuff. But my mom's friend and my mom wanted to throw me a baby shower. I wasn't going to say "No, don't do that" or in other words "I don't want your kind gesture."

 

I think showers for multiple children are fine. Each baby is special and new....they deserve to be celebrated. You don't have to purchase something expensive. One small new outfit would be fine. Or one small toy. Or a photo album.

[Homemama2]

Just curious....are these people with 2 or more children throwing their own showers?

 

Sort of. The one girl (the one I mentioned that I gave a shower for) told her other friend (I'll call her 'Jen') she really wanted a shower and wanted to know if she'd give her one. Her mother lives out of state and her MIL who lives a couple blocks away is in the "only one shower" camp. Jen is moving in 3 weeks, has 2 other kids, one who has been in the hospital and a hubby who is currently out of state bc of a new job, so it has been really hard for her to do this and her friend knows this. I almost volunteered to step in for her and do the shower....except I remember what a horrible experience it was to give her other shower :blink:

[jujsky]

I only believe in 2nd showers if the parents have gotten rid of all of their baby things because the baby was a big surprise. If I became pregnant now I would need a shower because I passed EVERYTHING onto people who could use. My kids are now 5 & 6.

[Wheres Toto]

Around here one baby shower is the norm but I like the idea of celebrating the new baby with a diaper and dinner or a pamper mom party. Something that is more about the celebration and less about greed.

 

I did have two baby showers though. My son was born 11 years after my first and he was DH's first so to his family it was our first shower. I also had absolutely no baby stuff left.

[coffeegal]

My one and only baby shower was for baby #5. 2 of us were expecting, and mutual friends organized a joint baby shower for both of us. Everyone brought their kids, and food to share. There were several games for moms and for kids, and a sign-up sheet for dinners after the babies were born. Personally, I thought it was wonderful. :001_smile:

[Dinsfamily]

I had showers for all three of my boys even though my oldest was only 4 when his youngest brother was born. I protested at first with the 3rd one (2nd shower was a surprise), but my best friend insisted that each baby needed to be showered with love. I did insist that IF people brought gifts, it only be diapers or other small consumable items. We didn't need anything at all and were thankful that no one spent a lot, but it was nice to celebrate my ds with all of my friends

[Paintedlady]

I generally find registries tacky (but I admit, useful), but for 2nd, 3rd, etc... babies, totally tacky. I would buy a gift for the baby no matter how many they already had, but would frown upon a full blown shower. Exceptions would be twins or kids extremely far apart (like 10 years) and the parents no longer had baby stuff.

[runmiarun]

I've had showers for all 3 of my children so far. With my first, I admit to going over the top more than I would care to admit to these days. I've learned my lesson from that, thankfully. For my second child, I had a diaper shower, which was a HUGE blessing. My third child was a girl so after 2 boys, I truly had no girly anything so a "pink" shower was another HUGE blessing. One of the ladies at church asked tonight about a shower for baby #4. I feel guilty having another shower so I asked if we could keep it very small, simple, and a diaper shower. Our church has done so much for us this year since my husband lost his job.

 

Back in May, I was invited to a shower for a girl in our local MOMS club for her second child (and second son). She complained on Facebook and our email list that no one was giving her a shower. Some of the ladies had already gotten together and planned a surprise diaper shower for her, which we ended up having to tell her about due to her complaining. After the shower, she complained again via Facebook and email that she only got a diaper shower when she really needed a true shower. I never realized there was a distinction. To me, any shower is a blessing and should be received as such.

[Tabrett]

I was given a shower for all 4 of my dc. My 1st and 2nd children are 9 years apart....nothing was saved except crib. I was still given a shower between 2 and 3 even though they were 18 months apart. At that shower I kinda needed double of everything I had since they were so close. Also, they were different gender. With #4, I was very glad I was given a shower. I thought I was done after #3 and got rid of most of everything!:tongue_smilie:

[Rivka]

I had a couple of showers for my first. My mother's friends even threw a "grandmothers shower" because three of them were all expecting grandchildren at once. The grandmothers attended the party and opened the presents, and then shipped the gifts off to their expecting kids.

 

For my second, a couple of friends asked and I told them I didn't think people did second showers. Then, as a total surprise, a small group of my out-of-town friends showed up at my house to "kidnap" me for lunch and a massage. They brought small gifts like an outfit for the baby or a foot soak kit for me. It was so nice, and it didn't make me uncomfortable like a full second shower would have.

[Rosy]

I love getting together to celebrate the baby and would go to 9 showers for the same mom if given the opportunity. Around here, it's usually a diapers & wipes shower if baby has older siblings (esp of the same sex). In my circle, I take for granted that people just want to celebrate and aren't trying to get stuff from each other. I only registered for my 1st...and DH's work asked what we wanted for the 4th so we gave them a list.

 

That said, I think it is very selfish to ask someone to throw you a shower, especially if they're going through a difficult time! I would be tempted (in the OP's case) to send a congrats card with nothing in it.

[Pretty in Pink]

I think baby showers are wonderful. If the woman is not throwing her own shower that means, then that someone else is throwing it for her. That is sweet, and it has made me feel very special to have a shower thrown in my (and baby's) honor.

[Guest janainaz]

I think it's normal to have a baby shower to celebrate a new baby, and I've never cared how many kids a mother has. I've been to diaper showers for second babies and other gifts were still given to the mother.

[KrissiK]

We throw family showers for second/third or more children, but I've never been to a shower for a friend. Unless the family is really in financial straights I'm just not sure how appropriate it is.

[catz]

I think it's one thing to have a party for an expectant mother. It's another to troll around to your friends to throw you a shower, go through all the registry business, and make the whole party about gifts. I never liked the shower format where the majority of the party was about opening gifts.

 

If I'm close to someone, I send them a baby gift no matter what after the baby arrives. In these parts there aren't many showers for 2nd or beyond. But there might be a social gathering of some kind to celebrate.

[Natalieclare]

We throw family showers for second/third or more children, but I've never been to a shower for a friend. Unless the family is really in financial straights I'm just not sure how appropriate it is.

 

What do you mean? Do you only attend showers for family members? What is inappropriate? I'm confused.

[QueenCat]

I love showers for every baby. I love the chance to celebrate each baby. At our showers, we typically pray for the mom and baby and write encouraging notes to be placed in a baby book. I'm glad that all my kids have these things, not just the first one. I think my subsequent children would be sad to see my oldest had received so many blessings but they got nada. Each shower has been meaningful to me.

 

:iagree: We do this in my circle of friends. We make a blessings book, while we're actually at the shower. If it's a second or more child, usually people give disposables or things that tend to wear out. I can't imagine only blessing the first child in this way.

[texasmama]

I was given two showers for babies number one and two (a work one and a friend one). The babies were five years apart and I lived in a different state with different friends with each. They were also different genders.

 

I was also given small showers with babies number 3 and 4, though my extended family stopped coming by the time we got to baby number 4.:tongue_smilie: When friends offered to give a shower, I accepted. I do wish, in retrospect, that I had just asked for a blessing event and asked for no gifts. I live in the South, though, where everything is done big, so I don't know that I could have pulled it off.

 

I have always been of the mindset that each baby is special and a blessing and deserves a "party". I am not bothered by receiving invitations to baby showers for subsequent babies.:001_smile:

[vonfirmath]

I'm fine with baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies. Every baby celebrated. And it gives you another excuse to get together with the other ladies and catch up on how everyone is doing!

[AndyJoy]

Back in May, I was invited to a shower for a girl in our local MOMS club for her second child (and second son). She complained on Facebook and our email list that no one was giving her a shower. Some of the ladies had already gotten together and planned a surprise diaper shower for her, which we ended up having to tell her about due to her complaining. After the shower, she complained again via Facebook and email that she only got a diaper shower when she really needed a true shower. I never realized there was a distinction. To me, any shower is a blessing and should be received as such.

 

I think she was right--she does need a "true shower" with water and soap because her attitude stinks!:D

 

The church attended as a teen throws showers for every baby. It's a great excuse for the ladies to get together and gab. If you really want to make them happy, you let them have it after the baby is born so that he/she can attend and be oohed and aahed over. Plus, the older ladies have their signature gifts they've made for 25 years or more (like a crocheted ball with a bell inside) so a shower for every baby is part of their long-standing tradition

[mhg]

Emily Post would NOT approve.

[Crimson Wife]

I generally find registries tacky (but I admit, useful), but for 2nd, 3rd, etc... babies, totally tacky. I would buy a gift for the baby no matter how many they already had, but would frown upon a full blown shower. Exceptions would be twins or kids extremely far apart (like 10 years) and the parents no longer had baby stuff.

 

:iagree:

I like the idea of a "sprinkle" with consumables rather than a shower for later babies. Nobody volunteered to throw me one, however, and I wasn't about to demand it. It's kind of too bad that I had 3 showers with baby #1 rather than 1 shower + 2 "sprinkles" but c'est la vie.

[Natalieclare]

Emily Post would NOT approve.

 

Have you ever heard of Hank the Cowdog? There is a song in one of the books I find very apt right now.

 

It goes:

A pox! A pox on Emily Post!

I thumb my nose at Emily Post!

I'll never fear Miss Emily's ghost...

 

I can 't remember the next line, but you get the idea! :lol:

[BlsdMama]

:iagree:

I like the idea of a "sprinkle" with consumables rather than a shower for later babies. Nobody volunteered to throw me one, however, and I wasn't about to demand it. It's kind of too bad that I had 3 showers with baby #1 rather than 1 shower + 2 "sprinkles" but c'est la vie.

 

LOL! Love the idea of sprinkles... I had one baby shower way back when.... I don't miss them too much. Really, what more do I need? :001_huh: But it would be good fun to get together with friends and family and simply eat cake and celebrate a brand new baby!

 

That said, I frankly think anyone who "demands" a baby shower should have any and all shower plans deleted. :P But I'm sassy like that. One shower - to receive baby things is a good thing. But I can't decide if every baby should get a shower... A celebration to be sure, but with tons of gifts, the registry, and the whole ball of wax? Seems a bit much to me.

[duckens]

I worked so much before dd3 was born that we didn't have a shower for her until a month after she arrived!

 

Fortunately we were in a tiny apartment, so we didn't need a crib, swing, changing table, etc. Her clothes were folded and kept in a laundry basket.

 

We had a downstairs neighbor who was a rummage sale queen! She brought me rummage sale clothes for the new baby in the months leading up, and she even found us a bassinet for $6. Eventually I just put her on "retainer" and gave her $$$ in an envelope to look for certain things for us. (I knew that she was on a budget, too!)

 

The neighbor ladies organized my shower. (I had lived in the same neighborhood for 10 years). When sending out invitations, I added a note/insert that I didn't want people to feel obliged to bring a gift. We would just be honored if they would come and have a piece of cake in dd's honor.

 

With #2 on the way, I hope do something similar. A month after the baby is born, we will have an "open house" for people to come and eat cake and visit the baby. No gifts needed. Just a reason to celebrate!!!

 

What would Emily Post say about organizing your own shower?

[Skadi]

I have to wonder, are these showers are truly for the baby...or are they for the mom?

[FO4UR]

I think the situation with the OP is tacky. It's rude to ask/assume and be pushy about it. I am firmly in the camp of "every baby deserves a celebration" though. I don't think gender or sibling spacing should matter.

 

Ideally, a friend of the expectant mom can spread the word that either she has 20 rubbermaid tubs full of baby things in the attic, or gave away all baby things last year. I always try to figure this out and then buy accordingly. (I gave away all my baby stuff ...why let it sit in storage when someone might need the hand-me-downs???)

[Carrie12345]

I was thrown a shower for my second (dh's first) baby, our first girl. No showers for #3 or #4, and I don't expect one for #5.

 

*FOR ME*, subsequent showers would be awkward, unless we're talking strictly frozen meals (which I would aDORE, but isn't the custom around here). I've become a very minimalist mom, and I'm very particular about the few things I do need (car seat, cloth diapers, a swing and a couple of outfits).

[QueenCat]

Emily Post would NOT approve.

 

:glare: too bad, it's about babies, not proper etiquette for those that live by her rules. I act the way I want others to treat me, not by some old fashioned rule.

[AHASRADA]

Interesting. It never would have occurred to me not to have a party for subsequent babies. How rude/depressing! IMO, the "one shower rule" sounds like people are passing judgement on those who choose to have more than one child, as in "Well, you know everyone should only have one child, but if you stubbornly decide to have more, we won't condone it by celebrating or giving you more gifts." or, just as bad, "Only the first baby is really special/important, the rest are just extras and can make do with hand-me-downs." Yes, the parents may not need as many items for subsequent babies, so don't buy them as many, but still have a party!

 

In my circle it is more common to have a shower/party within 1-4 weeks *after* the baby is born, although a shower beforehand might happen with a 1st baby so the new mom can have the necessary items on hand at the birth. This party is usually a chance for the new mom's friends and family to get together, chat, eat and celebrate, and take turns holding and cooing over the new baby. Yes, there are gifts, but it is not the main focus.

 

In my case, I had a shower before my 1st was born (thrown by my mom), which was a huge help, since I needed everything and didn't even know what exactly I needed! When my 2nd was born, I threw an open-house style party at my own home a couple of weeks after she was born, with my mom, MIL and SILs helping with food and preparation. It was wonderful for everyone to share in the celebration, and to receive all the adorable pink items! With the new baby, I definitely need everything again, since I saved absolutely nothing from a decade ago, but I would never *expect* anyone to give me a shower. I would presume there would be a celebration after the birth, and most likely I would plan it myself, probably potluck.

 

Back to the OP's question, I agree that this is more of an issue of one spoiled mom feeling pouty and entitled to a shower. Every new life deserves to be celebrated. That does not mean every mom deserves to have someone else plan, host and fund a party *for her*. "Jen" is moving away anyway; she shouldn't allow herself to get sucked into Momzilla's guilt trip. She will be exhausted and resentful, and will never receive any gratitude or kindness in return (due to her moving away, but also due to Momzilla's selfish personality). The OP doesn't owe anything to Momzilla, but if she is feeling badly for "Jen", she could round up a bunch of friends and have them all pitch in to help, maybe even make it a joint shower for Momzilla/going away party for *Jen*. At least that way she could feel good about helping, not guilted into catering to the whims of Miss Spoiled.

[Melinda in VT]

Interesting. It never would have occurred to me not to have a party for subsequent babies. How rude/depressing! IMO, the "one shower rule" sounds like people are passing judgement on those who choose to have more than one child, as in "Well, you know everyone should only have one child, but if you stubbornly decide to have more, we won't condone it by celebrating or giving you more gifts." or, just as bad, "Only the first baby is really special/important, the rest are just extras and can make do with hand-me-downs." Yes, the parents may not need as many items for subsequent babies, so don't buy them as many, but still have a party!

 

 

Traditionally, the point of a "shower" (bridal shower, baby shower) was to help supply the recipient with what she needed to transition to a new stage of life (marriage or motherhood). This is why showers were typically not given for a second marriage, for example, even though of course you would celebrate the marriage by attending the wedding.

 

I think the traditional time to celebrate the birth of a baby was at a gathering following the religious ceremony (baptism or blessing or bris (?)). Now that we live in a time and place where all our friends and families don't attend the same (or any) church, we're in flux a bit.

 

And frankly, I think we as a society need to find ways to celebrate that don't involve the exchanging of gifts.

[twoxcell]

Well I have had a shower for all 4 of my kids. ds1 we had a family barbeque after he was born, dd1 we had a semi-small ladies shower before she was born, dd2 I had a tiny combined shower with my sister, and ds2 I had a tiny shower. I have never registered for any of my kids, and the showers were mainly just a reason to get together and welcome baby.