My world just ended....

[Irishmommy]

If my MIL had not made the same "mistake" I would never have had my husband or my children and WHAT blessings they have been to her and ME!!! I am so thankful that God blessed her even in her sin and that I now have a beautiful family because of it!!!

 

Also, I wanted to add that going through hardship DOES make you more experienced to minister to others. After losing my dd shortly after birth, I am now able to bless others who are hurting the same way. I have loved on MANY moms who have also lost their little ones and have met some of my best sisters in Christ with that unfortunate connection.

 

I also encourage her to consider adoption. There are SO many families, like mine, who have experienced a loss, that would LOVE to adopt her baby. When God gave me another chance to parent a daughter, I can't tell you the gratefulness I felt (and still feel). Some families don't get that opportunity for another bio. child, like I did. Your daughter has the chance to bless another family if she so chooses.

 

And just because your/her life is changing doesn't mean it is for the worse. Sure, this was unexpected. Sure, some heartache will come from it. But, God can do mighty things with this child, just as He has done with my husband! Joshua 3:5! Get READY!!!

[KrissiK]

:grouphug: I am so sorry! But as has been said before, this isn't the end of the world and you and your family can still have a powerful testimony. Not a testimony of the perfect family, but a testimony of the grace of God and forgiveness and love and family support, which I think is the kind of testimony that will be more effective. If you look through the Bible, the men and women who God used greatly were not perfect men and women - Moses was a murderer, David was an adulterer, Jacob was a liar and a cheat, Abraham was a liar and a coward. But all these people were used by God not because they were so great but because God is great and can use imperfect people. I can see how devestated you are! You had plans for your daughter, she probably had plans for herself and you're going to have to grieve the loss of those plans, but what's ahead can be a bright future for all of you!

[Mommyof4ks]

We can raise our kids to the best of our abilities, however they have a mind of their own and make their own mistakes. I know a young lady who was in the same position as a 16 year old, and today she is a college graduate, married to a wonderful man (not the father of the baby), and they have a wonderful life. A baby at 16 will set her on a different path and her life as she knew it is over, however she can learn from this and raise this baby well if she so chooses.

[PollyOR]

What would Jesus do?

 

:001_wub: Love her, Mama. It's that simple.

[Kathleen in VA]

Jesus came to redeem us. There is no rewind button, but there is grace.

 

Grace is enough.

 

:grouphug:

 

Amen.

 

Because we are all fallen, we are all sinners, we are saved through grace not by our works or our own goodness. :grouphug:

 

and Amen.

 

And Kari, not a day goes by that I don't think of you and your family and your dear, precious Timmy. Your post has me sobbing in heartache for you. What a wise and caring person you are.:grouphug:

 

And to OP, we've had two deacons' children do this same thing (one girl, one boy) and although no one condoned their behavior, neither did they condemn the individuals involved. You daughter succumbed to temptation, but she has not fallen away. That would be the case if she were unrepentant, but she has responded well to her sin and that means she truly is His. Some sins show more than others, some have longer earthly consequences. That makes it easy for those with hidable sins to look down their noses in judgement. We know better, don't we? Everyone is a sinner and everyone needs to repent and turn to God for forgiveness through Christ. No, this is not an easy thing by an stretch, but it is road many have walked and have survived.

 

The boy involved appears to be the one who has fallen away. I'd be grieving more if I were his mom. I am so sorry your daughter is hurting by his selfish attitude. It may be harsh of me to think so, but I think that boy needs to suffer some consequences as well. I wouldn't be the least bit concerned about ruining his life (although I can't imagine it would actually be ruined) - I would be concerned about getting him to take resonsibility for his actions and be a man. That boy needs a kick in the rear and now. I don't mean that in a spiteful way, but how in the world is he ever going to grow up if he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his own sin???? No one is doing him any favors by keeping him from them.

[Mynyel]

 

I'm glad your pastors are supportive. For anyone else who raises their nose or gets all pious, remember: there but for the grace of God goes anyone.

 

Focus on your daughter, not on judgmental biddies. It will be ok. God works out all things for good for those who love Him.

 

:iagree:

 

It is no ones business but your daughters and yours. She may have to grow a thick skin but..just shrug them off as best you can.

 

Life isn't over. I promise. I'm 34 - see my signature.;)

 

Also, my sister just had a baby as well, just weeks after her 16th birthday. (I promise it had nothing to do with her seeing me - my oldest was born before she was!) She's going to be fine, as it the beautiful baby girl that she loves with all her heart. The boy in question did the same thing and she also thought they would be in love forever.:glare:

 

Your children haven't fallen away so easily as far as I can tell. Are you telling me that your dc never sin? That you don't? That the other people in your congregation don't? She hasn't fallen away unless she has given up her faith. If she is sorry for her sin, confesses her sin, and repents, then she hasn't fallen away.

 

*You* do not need to raise this baby - let your daughter do it. It is her baby. She can finish school, she can go to college - having a baby will not stop that.

 

:grouphug:

 

Again :iagree:

 

I speak, somewhat, from experience as well. My sister was pregnant 2 months before her 16th birthday. Her oldest and mine are only 11 months apart. She graduated from high school (regular high school too!) and she completed beauty school and is now a hair dresser loving what she does. She had another daughter as well.

 

It isn't the end of the world. Was it the end of the world when you had your first? Granted you may not have been as young and you were probably married and so on but don't get down. Rejoice in your first grandbaby!

 

My parents did that. Rather than beat yourself up about where you went wrong, pull up your big girl panties and rejoice in the life! Think of what could have happened if she had been scared and not told anyone and "took care of it" herself!

 

The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle... It is what you choose to do with it.

 

Show your daughter how wonderful being a mom and be and just be there for her!

 

:grouphug::grouphug: You have lots of smiles and love ahead!

[mammaruss]

What would Jesus do?

 

:001_wub: Love her, Mama. It's that simple.

 

 

Amen!:grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

T

As far as the boy is concerned I don't want to ruin his life. If he chooses not to be part of this it will be his loss. His own mother is very much wanting to be a part of it and is horrified at her son's response. (Also raised in church) We are reaching out to her as much as possible so she does not blame herself. It takes two after all.

 

 

 

Obviously from this the boy and his parents know that your dd is pregnant. He may not choose to be involved in the baby's life. But he does need to follow the law in providing child support for the baby.

 

:grouphug:

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I have been in your shoes, but my daughter was 19. We found that people were far more compassionate and understanding than we expected. In fact, we got no negative attitude from anyone in our immediate circle.

 

I was very grateful. It is hard enough for a young girl to be in that situation without people making it worse.

[dirty ethel rackham]

You and your family are in my prayers.

 

 

As far as the boy is concerned I don't want to ruin his life. If he chooses not to be part of this it will be his loss. His own mother is very much wanting to be a part of it and is horrified at her son's response. (Also raised in church) We are reaching out to her as much as possible so she does not blame herself. It takes two after all.

 

 

 

Holding this boy responsible for his behavior is not "ruining his life." He alone makes choices on whether or not he ruins his life.

 

He should be held legally responsible for his actions. You cannot force him to be a part of the child's life. That will be his choice. However, he is legally responsible for financial support. Please do follow up on that.

[edithcrawley]

My beautiful baby girl, 15 almost 16, is pregnant. I've known for about a week now, set up all the necessary appointments, talked with our pastors, but I was just going through old photo albums and it just hit me like a rock. Nothing will ever be the same again. The beautiful imaginary life I had visioned for my baby girl is no more and now she and her whole family have a long road. First off, hugs for you and your daughter. Her life won't turn out how you planned, but that doesn't mean it still can't be wonderful anyway.

 

She met a boy, fell in love, and asked if they could court. I gave permission for the courtship with the condition that they always have a chaperone with them. Well, one night she made the horrible choice to sneak out her window to meet up with him and the rest is history.

 

A baby is her hearts desire. She loves kids and is as prepared as any child her age could be but she knows her life is drastically changed. She says she knows what she did is wrong and is sorry. She told the boy who immediately stopped all contact with her and seems to have moved on to a new girl. This is her biggest blow right now. She thought they were in love and would be together forever. I'd definitely talk to the boy's family and tell them about the situation, he shouldn't be able to get off scot-free either.

 

Now she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged. We've worked so hard to raise our children in the Lord only to have this happen. Where did we go wrong? We have always been a church family. Every Sunday, Wednesdays, serving the church and people every opportunity. We talked with her about waiting. Don't listen to those who judge-they themselves have also sinned.

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily? Your family can still minister-everybody sins at some point or another. She made a mistake, but she didn't destroy everything your husband has done so far-I don't know of any pastors (or anybody else) who are completely perfect.

 

I have told her she will finish school and go to college as originally planned. She will stay with us and we will all raise the baby. The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people. It might just be the way you phrased this "I have told her...", have you asked her what she wants to do about the baby and the rest of her life? Does she want to carry it to term? Does she want to find a loving family to adopt the child? Does she want to raise the child on her own? Does she want you to be responsible for most of the care? These are all things you need to discuss soon.

 

If only we could hit the rewind button.....

 

 

More hugs to your daughter, you and the rest of your family :grouphug: I'll be praying.

[Kathleen in VA]

:grouphug: I am so sorry! But as has been said before, this isn't the end of the world and you and your family can still have a powerful testimony. Not a testimony of the perfect family, but a testimony of the grace of God and forgiveness and love and family support, which I think is the kind of testimony that will be more effective. If you look through the Bible, the men and women who God used greatly were not perfect men and women - Moses was a murderer, David was an adulterer, Jacob was a liar and a cheat, Abraham was a liar and a coward. But all these people were used by God not because they were so great but because God is great and can use imperfect people. I can see how devestated you are! You had plans for your daughter, she probably had plans for herself and you're going to have to grieve the loss of those plans, but what's ahead can be a bright future for all of you!

 

This whole post is so very, very wise - the blue part I highlighted is the main good that can come from all of this. Thanks for saying this, Krissi. Think of all the people who have made similar or worse mistakes in their lives who will be encouraged to know that God will still forgive them, still love them, still sourround them with friends who are on their team.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

:grouphug: Praying for you all. Please remember that this is a mistake...just like any other (although the ramifications are much greater). The child, however, is NOT a mistake. You have done a great job raising your daughter, mom. Don't question that. Try to ignore the judgemental comments. I'm glad you have a supportive pastor and friends around you. I remember what it was like at 15/16 yo, being in "love" and facing the temptation of physical intimacy. Christian or not...the temptation is great.

 

 

 

Perhaps if anyone wants to condem your daughter/your family you could point out the hypocrisy of people who spout "Pro-Life/Babies are blessings" rhetoric and then don't support a pregnant teen!! That has always baffled me! (And, no no NO I am NOT saying that all pro-life people shun pregnant teens, but I have seen it more often than not. Please don't make this a debate. I'm on the OP's ''side''!)

 

I agree that you and your dh are possibly in a BETTER position to minister to people now. Your family is not perfect. Your kids are not perfect, but you are walking them through it and that is LOVE.

[BlsdMama]

My beautiful baby girl, 15 almost 16, is pregnant. I've known for about a week now, set up all the necessary appointments, talked with our pastors, but I was just going through old photo albums and it just hit me like a rock. Nothing will ever be the same again. The beautiful imaginary life I had visioned for my baby girl is no more and now she and her whole family have a long road.

 

She met a boy, fell in love, and asked if they could court. I gave permission for the courtship with the condition that they always have a chaperone with them. Well, one night she made the horrible choice to sneak out her window to meet up with him and the rest is history.

 

A baby is her hearts desire. She loves kids and is as prepared as any child her age could be but she knows her life is drastically changed. She says she knows what she did is wrong and is sorry. She told the boy who immediately stopped all contact with her and seems to have moved on to a new girl. This is her biggest blow right now. She thought they were in love and would be together forever.

 

Now she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged. We've worked so hard to raise our children in the Lord only to have this happen. Where did we go wrong? We have always been a church family. Every Sunday, Wednesdays, serving the church and people every opportunity. We talked with her about waiting.

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

I have told her she will finish school and go to college as originally planned. She will stay with us and we will all raise the baby. The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

 

If only we could hit the rewind button.....

 

As one mama of a conservative Christian home who is raising our daughters to also believe in courtship, you have my support. Your daughter's life isn't ruined. Her ministry is not diminished... Only if you allow it to be. God takes what one could use as harm and uses it for good if we allow it. He allows things to happen from our less than stellar choices so that we can go onto help others.

 

~ Romans 8:28 ~

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 

~WE FACE TRIALS SO THAT WE CAN HELP OTHERS.~

~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 ~

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are in distress, it is for your comfort and salvation.â€

 

 

Did she make a wrong choice? MOST certainly she did. She knows that. You know that. Does that diminish that the baby is a blessing? Life given from God? Absolutely not.

 

 

 

Look if Ephesians 6:12 is true, and it IS true, then Satan would do all he could do to neutralize strong Christian families. He doesn't have to stop us from believing... He just needs to make us useless. You sin probably most every day, or at least often. Me too. If not in the open, then by my mouth, or at least in my heart. Anger is likened to murder in the NT. So did your beautiful, lovely, sweet 15yo sin? Absolutely. But God gave her blessing in SPITE of her sin. That precious baby... Oh, woe to the people who scorn her. Her sin is no MORE sin than another just because it's going to be public, or because she "knew better." Don't we all?

 

 

You give her a big hug and let her know we've all fallen. And God picks us all up. My oldest daughter was born out of wedlock to my husband and I. God blessed us in spite of our poor choices. And this child, oh, she is TRULY an undeserved gift. No, mama, her life isn't ruined by a long shot. Especially not with two Christ following, God loving, obedient parents. Grace & mercy mama, grace & mercy.

[Nakia]

Perhaps if anyone wants to condem your daughter/your family you could point out the hypocrisy of people who spout "Pro-Life/Babies are blessings" rhetoric and then don't support a pregnant teen!! That has always baffled me!

 

This is one of my hot buttons, too! I don't get it at all.

[Starr]

:grouphug: The shock must be so hard. Bless you for being there for her. I'm praying for all of you.

[Denisemomof4]

go to my "grab a box of tissues" thread and open up the link. I thought of you and your dd as I watch that video - one of the most special I've ever seen.:grouphug: It's going to be ok.:grouphug:

[simka2]

You and your family are in my prayers.

 

 

 

Holding this boy responsible for his behavior is not "ruining his life." He alone makes choices on whether or not he ruins his life.

 

He should be held legally responsible for his actions. You cannot force him to be a part of the child's life. That will be his choice. However, he is legally responsible for financial support. Please do follow up on that.

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Adding, that not only is it not ruining his life, but to let him off the hook will cause him a lot more harm in the long run :glare:

 

Your whole family is in my thoughts!

[fairfarmhand]

How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

 

 

I was in your daughter's shoes. It will be okay, especially if she takes this as a learning situation. God specializes in creating beauty from ashes. Give it time, and you and your whole family will hold your heads up high as a testament to God's glory and grace. People relate to others who are NOT perfect. Only the hypocrites who pretend they are perfect will criticize. We all know the truth about them !!!!

 

 

Only Grace by Matthew West

From the album “Historyâ€

 

There is no guilt here

There is no shame

No pointing fingers

There is no blame

What happened yesterday…has disappeared

The dirt has washed away

And now it's clear

 

There's only grace

There's only love

There's only mercy and believe me it's enough

Your sins are gone

Without a trace

And there's nothing left now

There's only grace

 

You're starting over now

Under the sun

You're stepping forward now

A new life has begun

Your new life has begun

 

An’ there's only grace

There's only love

There's only mercy and believe me…it's enough

Your sins are gone

Without a trace

And there's nothing left now

There's only grace…

 

And if you should fall again

Get back up, get back up

Reach out and take my hand

Get back up, get back up

Get back up again

Ohh…get…back…up…again…

 

 

There's only grace…

There's only love…

There's only mercy and believe me it's enough…it’s enough

Your sins are gone

Without a trace

And there's nothing left now

There's only…there’s only…grace…

 

 

This is MY life. I'm thirty years old and the "child of my shame" is now 12. I am a pastor's kid, my dad was the president of our Christian School Board. God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. Hold on to him and prepare to be overwhelmed with his mercy! Your dd is going to learn so much about Grace. PM me if you need to. I am on the other side of this situation and God is GOOD!

[Annie G]

A year from now, nobody will be talking about your daughter being an unwed mom. We've known several girls who have been in similar situations and by the time the baby is born, people have stopped talking. It's really hard right now, but it'll get better .

 

And the young man needs to be held accountable, not just for your daughter's sake, but for the sake of the child. That child needs the financial support and if the young man is willing, a relationship. Maybe right now the guy isn't ready but he'll be more mature in a few years...hopefully.

 

I'm so sorry your family is going through this, but glad you feel comfortable coming here for support.

[TheTwinsMom1]

Prayers for your family during this difficult time.

 

Please remember, that it is completely normal to grieve the what could have beens. You had an ideal life planned out for your daughter, and now it's going to be slightly different. Just remember you might have originally purchased the vacation to Greece, but now your gonna visit the Grand Canyon. It might not be Greece, but it will still be wonderful.

 

Good luck.

Edited July 12, 2010 by TheTwinsMom1
spelling

[MorganClassicalPrep]

:grouphug: for you

and :grouphug: for your daughter.

 

I haven't been in your exact position, but I have been a 19 year old, barely able to support myself, and found out I was pregnant. The father was no where to be seen (and in fact, to this day has never seen my daughter). I wasn't in school, only employed part time, still lived at home with my parents, and was drinking alcohol and doing other things on a daily basis. Great situation to bring a baby into, huh?

 

Well. It's been 4.5 years. My daughter has been the greatest blessing in my life. I quit drinking (and other.. :glare:), got myself in school, and have been getting a 4.0. I'm in the honors program, and have recently been invited to apply as a Presidential Scholar. I homeschool my daughter, and spend all of my time loving her. Chances are, I won't be able to have any more biological children, since I wasn't supposed to even have her, and my fertility is declining as I age.

 

My point is... no one's life is over. In fact, a beautiful new life is beginning. Things will be much easier if you look at it that way! Yes, your daughter's life will be more difficult, but she will still be able to finish school and go to college. Especially with family support, which it seems she has. Don't let her spend too much time thinking of how sorry she is, or thinking about what could have beens. Regret isn't worth anything. As far as I know, no one has invented a time machine, so all there is left to do is move forward. Support her in any way you can, but make sure she knows that SHE is responsible for this child, and that she either needs to be fully supporting the baby, or working to improve her situation so that she can eventually support the child (as in, college, or a job with advancement prospects).

 

As far as ministering to others... Is there anyone alive today who is perfect? We all sin. We all face the consequences in some way or anything. It just so happens that your daughter's consequence is much more visible than others. If anything, the fact that your family is accepting this gift from God (and make no mistake, this IS a gift) makes you so much more credible than the family who sneaks their child off for a secret abortion.

 

Again.... you did NOT go wrong!!! Remember this, especially in the tough times. You did everything you could, you did what you thought was best for your child, and most importantly, you are still loving your child even after a mistake. I don't see anything wrong. Your daughter slipped up and made a mistake, at some point all children have to become responsible for their own decisions.

 

:grouphug: again. It's okay to feel sorry for ourselves a little, but don't let that feeling rule your life. You can be happy about the child without being happy about the situation.

[kalanamak]

Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

.

 

Remind them this is an acid test for decent people. Anyone who is rude about this has just announced they are jerks, and you can be free of their supposed friendship.

 

:grouphug:

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

When you get through this you will be in a perfect place to encourage families to talk openly with their teens and pre-teens about sexual intercourse and the consequences, and to discuss birth control, because sometimes self-control is not enough.

 

I hope you realize very soon that YOUR life is not OVER. You just have a new family dynamic and a new perspective on good parenting.

[Jackie in AR]

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

 

:grouphug:

 

It does not mean that she has fallen away. It means that she is not perfect.

 

We have many examples in the scriptures of Godly men who made mistakes, even grave mistakes and some of those never fell away. Others did for just a short time. They have been blessed by God to have their stories in the Bible as an example for us.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

None of us is perfect, twilkin.

 

I'm so glad your pastors are supportive of your dd and your family.

 

May this new baby be a wonderful blessing to your family!

 

:grouphug:

[Blessedfamily]

Perhaps if anyone wants to condem your daughter/your family you could point out the hypocrisy of people who spout "Pro-Life/Babies are blessings" rhetoric and then don't support a pregnant teen!! That has always baffled me! (And, no no NO I am NOT saying that all pro-life people shun pregnant teens, but I have seen it more often than not. Please don't make this a debate. I'm on the OP's ''side''!)

 

.......

 

I couldn't agree more. In a church we attended as a teen, the pastor's step-daughter became pregnant. They made her stand before the church, apologize, and give the details of the event. My mother left for good.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Blessedfamily

[twilkin]

I've been reading through all your wonderful encouragement and I've decided to let my daughter read this thread because I think all of your comments will be incredibly encouraging to her because they have been to me. Thank you all.

[Audrey]

 

The boy involved appears to be the one who has fallen away. I'd be grieving more if I were his mom. I am so sorry your daughter is hurting by his selfish attitude. It may be harsh of me to think so, but I think that boy needs to suffer some consequences as well. I wouldn't be the least bit concerned about ruining his life (although I can't imagine it would actually be ruined) - I would be concerned about getting him to take resonsibility for his actions and be a man. That boy needs a kick in the rear and now. I don't mean that in a spiteful way, but how in the world is he ever going to grow up if he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his own sin???? No one is doing him any favors by keeping him from them.

 

 

:iagree: Absolutely. If he's man enough to impregnate your daughter, he's man enough to step up and claim his share of the responsibility. Even if he doesn't end up being a parent to this child, he has financial and legal responsibilities that must be met. I think it would not be overstepping for you and your husband to confront this young man and his parents and demand he meet his responsibilities to his child.

 

ETA: I really wouldn't worry about "ruining this boy's life." My greater concern would be that HIS CHILD is provided for properly. He has a legal responsibility for HIS CHILD, and if you have to drag it out of him, he must be made to step up and fulfill that responsibility. It stopped being about about him and his life the moment your daughter conceived.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Audrey

[Jackie in AR]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

ETA - Many times over these last two months, I have sat quietly and thought about being pregnant at 16. I have wished that I could go back and hold my baby boy. I can't and I know that. Please love your daughter and her child. Do not worry about what people will say - if they will say anything at all. I can't remember a single person saying anything awful to me. It really will all be okay.

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son, Kari.

 

:grouphug:

[patchfire]

I've been reading through all your wonderful encouragement and I've decided to let my daughter read this thread because I think all of your comments will be incredibly encouraging to her because they have been to me. Thank you all.

 

Then let me say to your daughter CONGRATULATIONS! I know that as a teen mom, sometimes you don't hear that enough.

[LibraryLover]

I am sure this is so hard, given what you have to face, and the fact the dreams you had for your child are altered. However, I am gently saying that the end of world would be if your daughter died. She isn't dead, she is pregnant, which are not the same. You didn't lose her. I would lose your 'friends', however.

Edited July 12, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Hedgehogs4]

Before the foundation of the world this child was known. What matters is that this baby is welcomed into the world as one who is known by the Father, and loved by Him as well. Never lose sight of that.

 

That is not to minimize the fact that your daughter did wrong or that she and your family will face consequences for her actions. But if confession is made, forgiveness is asked...then the focus needs to be on the future of the beautiful new life that is in store for you.

[momzilla333]

This is the beginning....

 

Yes, this isn't the end. It's just the beginning of a new story. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Nakia]

I couldn't agree more. In a church we attended as a teen, the pastor's step-daughter became pregnant. They made her stand before the church, apologize, and give the details of the event. My mother left for good.

 

That reminded me of something. A lady I used to work with got pregnant at age barely 15 by a boy she went to church with. Her mother made her do the same thing; stand up, confess, and ask the church for forgiveness. I don't think she ever forgave her mother or the church for that. I know she doesn't have a relationship with God to this day, and her son is now almost 30. Such a sad sad story.

 

 

 

To the OP, I'm glad your dd is going to read this. I hope she will be encouraged.

 

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart." Jeremiah 1:5

 

Your baby has been set apart for great things. Bless you!!!

[KnitWit]

I cannot add one thing to what has already been said, with which I agree.

 

I pray this child will be a blessing to everyone whose path he/she crosses all the days of their life and may they be a REMINDER to all of God's grace and mercy and ready forgiveness.

 

May your family be ever tighter, ever stronger and go forward extending grace and mercy yourselves...

[RobinF]

My beautiful baby girl, 15 almost 16, is pregnant. I've known for about a week now, set up all the necessary appointments, talked with our pastors, but I was just going through old photo albums and it just hit me like a rock. Nothing will ever be the same again. The beautiful imaginary life I had visioned for my baby girl is no more and now she and her whole family have a long road.

 

She met a boy, fell in love, and asked if they could court. I gave permission for the courtship with the condition that they always have a chaperone with them. Well, one night she made the horrible choice to sneak out her window to meet up with him and the rest is history.

 

A baby is her hearts desire. She loves kids and is as prepared as any child her age could be but she knows her life is drastically changed. She says she knows what she did is wrong and is sorry. She told the boy who immediately stopped all contact with her and seems to have moved on to a new girl. This is her biggest blow right now. She thought they were in love and would be together forever.

 

Now she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged. We've worked so hard to raise our children in the Lord only to have this happen. Where did we go wrong? We have always been a church family. Every Sunday, Wednesdays, serving the church and people every opportunity. We talked with her about waiting.

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

I have told her she will finish school and go to college as originally planned. She will stay with us and we will all raise the baby. The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

 

If only we could hit the rewind button.....

 

I haven't read any responses, but I wanted to say. We all sin. Your dd's sin is no worse than anyone elses, it just has different consequences. The fact that she is willing to take responsibility for her actions and that she realizes that her actions were wrong and that she will have to accept the consequence of those actions shows much maturity.

 

If your church doesn't support you and your family during this time then find a new one. Don't let this become a sackcloth that your daughter has to wear. The beauty of the God we serve is that He loved each and everyone of us when we were unworthy. He is holy and we are not. Non of us deserve His affection and yet he cares just as much for your dd and baby as he cares for me or you.

 

The God we serve chooses to redeem the mess we make of our life when we choose to do things our own way.

 

While it is appropriate to mourn the loss that a sinful choice will cost her, we rejoice that God has knows her and loves her and he knows this baby and has already began to knit it together and number their hairs.

[mrbmom77]

I haven't read any responses, but I wanted to say. We all sin. Your dd's sin is no worse than anyone elses, it just has different consequences. The fact that she is willing to take responsibility for her actions and that she realizes that her actions were wrong and that she will have to accept the consequence of those actions shows much maturity.

 

If your church doesn't support you and your family during this time then find a new one. Don't let this become a sackcloth that your daughter has to wear. The beauty of the God we serve is that He loved each and everyone of us when we were unworthy. He is holy and we are not. Non of us deserve His affection and yet he cares just as much for your dd and baby as he cares for me or you.

 

The God we serve chooses to redeem the mess we make of our life when we choose to do things our own way.

 

While it is appropriate to mourn the loss that a sinful choice will cost her, we rejoice that God has knows her and loves her and he knows this baby and has already began to knit it together and number their hairs.

 

:iagree: with all of the above.

 

Especially the bolded part. I got pregnant at 19 and was treated like dirt by my "church family". I finally found the courage to walk away, but that experience nearly destroyed me spiritually. We attend another church, but I can't bring myself to get too attached or involved. It hurts deeply that my mother and brother still go to that church and think I'm out of line because I won't visit or allow my children to. Please don't let this happen to your girl.

Natural consequences? Yes. I was home caring for a baby when everyone else my age was out having fun. I've worked my tail off to provide for my kids - and money is always a worry. Guys in my denomination don't date women like me. Raising a child alone is a heavy responsibility.

But, oh, the mercy and grace of Jesus! He has always provided for us, always been with us. He is truly the father to the fatherless, and my Prince of Peace.

I know it hurts when dreams are shattered - but He will give her new dreams, and He will carry her when she can't walk another inch.

Congratulations on your new little one!

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[simka2]

I couldn't agree more. In a church we attended as a teen, the pastor's step-daughter became pregnant. They made her stand before the church, apologize, and give the details of the event. My mother left for good.

 

I've seen this happen in churches too, and it's just plain wrong! Your dd, this baby, and your entire family are treasures!!! This rough patch is only going to make you guys sparkle all the brighter!!!!

[Heidi7Sue]

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

I have told her she will finish school and go to college as originally planned. She will stay with us and we will all raise the baby. The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

 

In the Bible, "falling away" usually means losing your faith, deciding God doesn't exist, you don't believe in Jesus anymore, that sort of thing.

 

As for the pastors suffering backlash, I don't get it. Are they supposed to put her in stocks or have her flogged in the streets? Even 50 years ago, girls were quietly "sent away" until they had the baby, but I thought we had moved beyond that.

 

I say, review the gospel. It's good for what ails you.

 

:grouphug:

[3littlekeets]

I don't know if you have heard this yet, but Congratulations! You are going to be a grandmother. And, though it is not in the time and way that you had planned, it is a blessing and that should not be overlooked.

 

Your baby is an adult sooner than you wished. And, with your love and support, she will be an amazing mother. I send my very best to her as she begins this wonderful journey into motherhood -- a blessed an wonderful voyage.

 

May she hold her head high and learn that her first job is to put her child's needs before the callous and judgmental thoughts of others. Those very people who may choose to judge would be the same who would accuse who be horrified if she terminated her unborn child.

 

This baby should never be considered a mistake...simply a blessing who came earlier than planned. :party:.

 

I hope you soon put the pain and heartache behind and begin to celebrate the joy of the new life growing inside your sweet daughter.

[misidawnrn]

Your life isn't over, it is just taking a different path than you planned. I had my son at age 17 (pregnant at 16) with minimal family support so that is one thing your daughter has going for her. Just love her and don't punish her for this...it is done and the punishment will come at 2am!!! I am glad your pastors are supportive. THe backlash and "judgement" will be quick and then people will move on to other things. Make sure your DD keeps her plans for school etc. It is possible to have a baby and continue schooling. I did it and am an RN...starting my midwifery courses.

and remember.....Mary was an unwed teenage mom and she bore the light of the world!

[ahousefullofjs]

What would Jesus do?

 

:001_wub: Love her, Mama. It's that simple.

 

:iagree:this. :grouphug:

[jvenice]

Before God knit her in your womb He knew this would happen and He loved her and chose her! Let yourself off the hook. God gave her a free will. She chose this and will be a great mom. You are a great mom and will now be a wonderful grandmother. Your daughter will take her cues from you and she needs to see you celebrate this baby. Yes, it was a sin but God's mercy is new every day. Who hasn't sinned? Were we all pure when we got married? The difference is, most of us didn't get pregnant! Be radical and celebrate her pregnancy because it will bring a great gift. If we were all perfect we wouldn't need Christ. Your daughter has a visible reminder of her imperfection, but how wonderful it will be to hold that baby in your arms. Things will be so different in a year. My prayers and good wishes are sent your way. Be strong and of good cheer!

[Mom2J112903]

:grouphug: to you and your daughter. This is *not* the end, just the opposite actually. The beginning to a wonderfullly, un-expected, life whom will bring joy to you and your family in ways you could never imagine.

 

I have a neice that got pregnant at a VERY young age, with TWINS. She unfortunatly lost both of them by 15wks of pregnancy. A year later, she got pregnant again, and now K is 5 yrs old. K is a breath of fresh air, even though her Father is dead now and her Mother does not have custody of her-she is a breath of fresh air.

 

We have a saying in our house-if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. This child was planned LONG before *you* were around, God has bigger plans and everything happens for a reason. We might not understand it and ask "why" but he knows what he is doing.;)

 

Congratulations on being a Grandma!!!!

[MorganClassicalPrep]

If you are letting your daughter read this::

 

Congratulations sweetheart. I know you didn't plan for this, and I'm sure you are a little scared right now, but remember that from here on out, everything you do affects your child. Go ahead and cry a little, but then straighten your shoulders and be *happy*. You are bringing a precious little baby into the world!! Don't let others get you down, the only thing that matters now is your baby, and s/he will love you even if you are only 16.

You will have an amazing life with your baby. Any dreams you had before need to be changed a little, but you can still achieve anything you dream of!!

[SonshineLearner]

Love her gently, cry for her and with her... if she wants. Remember that it's a sadness with a beautiful ending... a baby! God is merciful and gracious and forgives us of all our wrongs... and this is one with a really loud..."smack of humility" (being pregnant) and yet incredible love... and just makes you "not selfish"

 

I love my "oops" that I had before I was married... My dad's Doctorate is in Theology... and while he was crushed... they pulled around me to protect me. I only had one person give me a serious hard time about it... I told her that people like her are the reason some try to hide their sin by killing their unborn babies.... She repented!

 

On a serious note, no naming the guy on the bc.... and look into what your state will do with getting his rights terminated. I wish that I had figured out how to have my parents adopt my child.... so her dad would be out of my life forever! That is what your daughter deserves... to one day be able to marry and have a life that's not with a child divided!

[ereks mom]

...I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Your family sounds a lot like ours, and I know this must be devastating for you.

 

My sister also became pregnant as a teenager. My dad was a pastor, and felt much the same as your dh:

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

My dad even resigned from his church for a time and took a secular job while he sorted things out and dealt with his feelings. My sister was a senior in high school when she became pregnant, and she had her son (he's 30 years old now!) just a week after she graduated from high school--about 6 weeks before she turned 18. She eventually went to college and became a nurse.

 

The same thing happened to the dd of some dear friends of ours. The father is a pastor. Their dd got pregnant at 16. Now, the girl is 20 years old and has an adorable 3 year old son. She and her son live at home with her parents; she finished high school and is attending college (making excellent grades) and plans to go to medical school to become a pediatrician. She is very smart, and has the support of her family, and I believe she will succeed.

 

I say all of this to encourage you: this is NOT the end of the world. God can and will use even this situation to bring glory to Himself and to bless your family.

Edited July 13, 2010 by ereks mom

[MorganClassicalPrep]

On a serious note, no naming the guy on the bc.... and look into what your state will do with getting his rights terminated. I wish that I had figured out how to have my parents adopt my child.... so her dad would be out of my life forever! That is what your daughter deserves... to one day be able to marry and have a life that's not with a child divided!

 

Everyone was pushing for child support, so I wasn't going to chime in, but... I agree.

 

OP: You and your daughter should spend some time in prayer about this issue. What kind of guy is this kid? Remember that if he is on the birth certificate and paying child support, he also has rights to the child. He will get visitation. Will he stay regular with the visitation, or will he leave his child waiting with anticipation by the door every other time, for Mommy to explain why Daddy just didn't show up? Will he be responsible when caring for the child, or will he let just anyone babysit so he can go out and have fun?

 

I do agree that guys *should* be responsible. But for me, the health and happiness of my child came before that. I'm not saying don't go for child support, but... consider what else comes along with that!

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

 

On a serious note, no naming the guy on the bc.... and look into what your state will do with getting his rights terminated. I wish that I had figured out how to have my parents adopt my child.... so her dad would be out of my life forever! That is what your daughter deserves... to one day be able to marry and have a life that's not with a child divided!

 

Please, please get some counseling or pastoral advice or something before taking advice like this. As you said, it takes two. You already know the other grandma is caring and concerned, and his immaturity is probably not a permanent condition. Fatherhood may cause him to grow up. He may have the propensity to love his child.

 

***The same things that are being hoped for your daughter's future should be desired for his future, as well. Growth, love, connection with the child, forgiveness for sin, freedom from shame...he is no more guilty, no more evil, no less able to find redemption than your daughter.

 

Everyone has been talking about God's plan for your daughter and her baby, but what about God's plan for the father? Does He not have one? Does the baby not need his/her father? The baby has two parents.

 

I'll be praying for all concerned, and for health and happiness for your daughter and her coming little one.

Edited July 13, 2010 by Dulcimeramy

[Peela]

Worrying about what other people think is the wrong direction. It never matters.

Just love your dd and her baby unconditionally, and without judgement. Its that what real Christianity is about anyway? Its not your job to judge her.

Stay open and soft and teachable, and support your dd without taking away her responsibility for the consequences of her choices. You are not repsonsible, she is.

I think it would be terrible to be "supported" by parents who judge me and feel terrible about the whole situaiton, wringing their hands in angst over what they did wrong, subtly and not so subtly reminding me frequently of my guilt and sin. Ugh. A new baby doesnt need to come into a situation like that. It needs acceptance and love, and so does the mother. And so do you.