How to train children to sit for church?

[Homemaker]

Let me preface this by saying I don't believe my kids are the worst behaved kids at church, but I really would like to sit still (they are 5 and 3 and we have a baby) and not dig around in the diaper bag, bounce their money on the floor, whisper really loud to each other, getting up and down. Anyways we need help and we talked about it today and thougt about practicing church at home. But what dies that look like??? Has anyone done that and got their kids to sit really well durig church?

[SonshineLearner]

I hear it's doing family worship at home each day... so you practice... 6 or 7 days a week.. not just one.

 

:)

[Wyndie]

I recently read Parenting in the Pew for help with this very thing. It was very helpful in many ways. I highly recommend it.

 

One bonus is that my wiggly one is named Faith so we recently started listening to hear when/if/how many time the pastor will say "faith" in his sermon. This makes her listen better than she used to. lol She's still a work in progress but she's much better than she was.

[Starr]

I would just put the money away until the offering, don't have them sit next to each other if they aren't quiet and bring quiet things for them. Mine could either draw or have a bible related book and a small stuffed animal (if it behaved). Now that I have teens I'm not troubled by kids moving about in the pew and making some noise.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

IMHO, I think that it is unrealistic for a 5 and 3 year to sit still at all. I would bring coloring books and activities for them. Does your church have a nursery and a children's place?

[Carol in Cal.]

I would whisper what the pastor meant in the sermons. I would whisper the prayers, while holding hands in a praying position. I would whisper the Bible stories. I found that when I was doing this, no one else talked.

 

Also, I carefully screened the church toy. It had to be a stuffed toy with no noisemakers. And I offered snacks, in small quantities, judiciously, during the sermon. Fish crackers tended to be reserved for that time.

 

Also, I taught the hymns in advance. I always seemed to be able to figure out at least one that we would actually sing, so participation was easy. The liturgy was memorized very early, which was nice. Again, participation was easy. It really helps if your church has a sung liturgy.

[mellifera]

We give our dc paper and pencil and tell them to draw the sermon. Having them practice sitting still is good, too, but remember at that age there will always be some wiggling.

[Teachin'Mine]

Bribery works. :D

 

Okay, maybe I should rephrase that to "positive reinforcement". :lol:

 

A children's Bible, or some other type of book would be great for them to have. I agree that the money shouldn't be in their hands - too much of a distraction and temptation to play with it. Just keep bringing them every week, and with practice, and aging, they'll get better. If they're not listening to you and really causing a distraction, a time out of the church might help. Or even just a break half way through for the 3 year old, so they can sit still the rest of the time.

 

It's wonderful that you're bringing them to church!!! :Angel_anim:

 

Maybe you can start a family prayer time at home. Doesn't have to be long, but just try to set the rules for behavior during that time - same as it would be in church - and involve them in the prayers. :)

[momofkhm]

My kids only had to sit through part of it. I bought color wonder markers and paper for the youngest. And then I think that was the only place he got it too. :) Simple snack like cherrios and a sippy cup.

 

Our church now has pizza boxes with crayons, papers and stickers. The kids who use them like them.

[Prairie~Phlox]

IMHO, I think that it is unrealistic for a 5 and 3 year to sit still at all. I would bring coloring books and activities for them. Does your church have a nursery and a children's place?

 

I totally disagree with this. We trained our children from the time that they were little, actually about 18-20 months. We did not take toys, they were just distractions. Dh said no snacks, sippy cups, nothing and you know what, it worked. Everyone always commented at how well our children sat through the service. It is not that hard for most children to sit for 20-40 minutes if the expectations are the same all of the time. Our pastor preaches for 40-50 minutes and if my children can do it, I'm convinced that others can. My children are now 8, 10 & 12 and now they follow along in their Bibles, but they are the only children that don't have drawing things and toys during church. Parenting in the Pew is great!

[qfbrenda]

I totally disagree with this. We trained our children from the time that they were little, actually about 18-20 months. We did not take toys, they were just distractions. Dh said no snacks, sippy cups, nothing and you know what, it worked.

 

I disagree as well, and we've had the same experience as the quoted poster with all of our boys. They all sat through church (60-75 min.) from about 2yrs old. It takes work and practice, but they really can do it unless they have some physiological reason that is beyond the norm. We found that the less stuff we gave them to do, the better. A simple piece of paper and a writing utensil can last for 30 min. ;) Toys made noise, got dropped, and generally made the process harder.

[CAMom]

IMHO, I think that it is unrealistic for a 5 and 3 year to sit still at all. I would bring coloring books and activities for them. Does your church have a nursery and a children's place?

 

My 4 1/2 year old sits relatively still and quiet for 1hr. 15min. in church every week. He's been doing it for a little over a year. And, believe me! This is my rambunctious child.;)

 

To the OP, we started by giving him more quiet things to do. I had a clipboard with blank paper and we used stickers and crayons on it. He also had a book and small car in his church bag. We also used to let him eat through service. We just pared it down over time. Now, he sometimes has his magnadoodle and sometimes nothing. He does a great job now! It just takes time.:)

[Critter]

We didn't take toys or snacks into Mass, but what we did that really worked was to remind them that kids who were noisy in church were not able to have donuts in the parish hall afterward. If one kid messed up, it meant no donuts for anyone, and we all headed straight for the car after Mass was over. If one of the little ones started getting restless, all I had to do was to whisper in their ear, "Donut?"

[PeterPan]

We had a beautiful, old edition (oop) Kenneth Taylor book "The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes" that she would carry to look at. The new edition is nice too, just with updated artwork. When she got older she took Egermeirs to look at the pictures. She also likes sitting with one of the older people she has adopted in church. They might write in the bulletin or something, but it's so special to sit with this older person, they tend to behave better. :)

[Jugglin'5]

I disagree as well, and we've had the same experience as the quoted poster with all of our boys. They all sat through church (60-75 min.) from about 2yrs old. It takes work and practice, but they really can do it unless they have some physiological reason that is beyond the norm. We found that the less stuff we gave them to do, the better. A simple piece of paper and a writing utensil can last for 30 min. ;) Toys made noise, got dropped, and generally made the process harder.

 

:iagree:

 

Same here. Five children - and the have all stayed through our 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hour services for years. I also find that "stuff" just makes the job harder. I will allow them to draw with a pencil on the worship bulletin but only if they keep it quiet. When they first start reading I try to get them to count certain words in the sermon. For instance, "Mark how many times you hear the word covenant, Father" etc...

[tonya in sc]

All of my children are brought in for the song service, starting at age 2.5. They stay for the whole thing (1.5 hours) by 3. We teach them to obey, no matter where we are. If I tell them to sit still and be quiet, and they don't, we discipline. Of course, "still" and "quiet" mean one thing at 3, something else entirely at 10. I have both girls and a son. Some I allowed a pencil and paper, others nothing, others crayons and a notebook.

Another plug for Parenting in the Pew. :001_smile:

 

Blessings,

tonya

[littlebug42]

My children have always been at mass since infancy. We had the most problems when we brought stuff to occupy them. What actually started working for us was moving up near the front of the church where the girls can see what is happening. Since then, we have had very few problems.

[Joanne]

Let me preface this with the fact they my xh and I attended a quiet, traditional, "boring", hour to hour and a quarter church when the kids were those ages. They stayed with us, we rarely used a nursery and there was a children's sermon time within the service but not a break out children's church. We sat in the very front row (where my kids still prefer to this day).

 

I never used food (that somehow seemed disrespectful to me, although at our current church, it's common to see adults and kids with juice or coffee). Our churches always had 2 choices of children's bulletins: one for readers and one for picture kids. They were allowed those with pencils. One church, our church in AZ, had "quiet bags". For a while I used Wikki Stix.

 

I expected them to sit, stand, sing with the adults.

 

All that said, I believe that current church worship is an artificial construct. There is nothing inherently "right" about the ritual, the process, the procedure. In addition to the status of women, I think one reason they weren't in the Temple was because of the God given nature of kids: movement, energy, needs, interaction, need for sensory input. I don't believe for a second that kids under 8ish were calm, quiet, and still during the Sermon on the Mount or early church events such as the conversion talks in Acts and by Paul. Nope, I believe that people learned, converted and believed in all the noise, messiness and chaos of *life*, particularly family life. I'm picturing kids scaping pictures in dirt with sticks, playing with pebbles, asking to nurse, asking to be done nursing, getting on mama's lap, getting down, pushing their sibling......And I'm guessing that was all expected, and more than "tolerated", but accepted as life.

 

*Can* kids learn to be still and quiet for lengths of time? Obviously they can. I've seen ladies here and other places claim it and I believe them.

 

I just don't think it's in line with child development, necessary to worship and be reverent or an actual Biblical expectation.

[Mergath]

*Can* kids learn to be still and quiet for lengths of time? Obviously they can. I've seen ladies here and other places claim it and I believe them.

 

I just don't think it's in line with child development, necessary to worship and be reverent or an actual Biblical expectation.

 

:iagree: I've always found it a bit disturbing when parents expect young children to act like tiny adults. Which is part of why I've never liked ps, I think. Children's brains and bodies just aren't made for long periods of inactivity.

[LibraryLover]

 

All that said, I believe that current church worship is an artificial construct. There is nothing inherently "right" about the ritual, the process, the procedure. In addition to the status of women, I think one reason they weren't in the Temple was because of the God given nature of kids: movement, energy, needs, interaction, need for sensory input. I don't believe for a second that kids under 8ish were calm, quiet, and still during the Sermon on the Mount or early church events such as the conversion talks in Acts and by Paul. Nope, I believe that people learned, converted and believed in all the noise, messiness and chaos of *life*, particularly family life. I'm picturing kids scaping pictures in dirt with sticks, playing with pebbles, asking to nurse, asking to be done nursing, getting on mama's lap, getting down, pushing their sibling......And I'm guessing that was all expected, and more than "tolerated", but accepted as life.

 

QUOTE]

 

Which reminds me of nearly every synagogue service I've ever attended. Tots moving in and out, up and down the sides, parents getting up to go to them, walking them around and in and out...I have never seen a small child asked to sit quietly through a long service. I mean, is there even a Christian counterpart to the service that is Purim? Screaming, yelling, noise-makers, candy -throwing, mandatory (practically) tipsy-ness for the adults? ;)

Edited April 5, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Dobela]

Practice comes from going to church regularly. For us we have plain paper and a pencil or 2, a sippy cup for dd (when she was younger I did carry dry cheerios since one in her mouth at the appropriate time would keep her quiet), and that is about it. I don't have any problems teaching them to sit still and be quiet - there are always times as an adult that we need to be quiet as a sign of respect or to not disturb others. They can be learning the songs, being quiet during prayers, and listen to the sermon.

 

We don't always make it thru the service quietly. It helps if we are not sitting near all the families with children - the closer we are the more my little one wants to act like a monkey or play with her friends. For my ds9, we have sometimes allowed him to sit with other adults or families that are good examples and can help him focus since dd can be quite distracting (she just turned 3). Sometimes his grandpa will pay him 1-10 cents for each time the preacher says certain words - like Jesus, God, Bible, etc. We are also careful which if his friends he sits with. One family sat with us today and their ds7 talked nonstop.

 

When I carried small toys I also made sure they were books and toys that were only allowed at church so they were special and kept their attention.

[RanchGirl]

We had them stand and sing (or be held) during the songs, then brought reading books, activity books, etc. for the sermon time. A small snack and a water was also allowed during the sermon when they were under 5 too. Now they're 8 and 10. My 10 year old has independently started taking notes and my 8 year old is quiet and attentive during the sermon, and really loves participating in worship. They like going to church!

 

We have always taken them to the regular service which I really believe has been good for our family, though at times it was draining for me. We didn't do "training" or anything terribly strict, just kept them busy and let them know this was quiet time and time to entertain yourself as much as possible. During the 1.5 hour long services at the church we used to attend, I usually took my supper wiggly little guy out for a bathroom break and strolled the halls a bit (for my own sake as well as his, I cannot sit still that long very easily either), even when he was 5-6. At our current church, the one hour long services are much easier on both of us!!

 

I hesitate to be too strict about disciplining in this area, just because I have a cousin whose family does the whole 7 kids march in, sit quietly and act perfect and every kid should be able to do this lectures to anyone who will listen. Meanwhile behind the scenes, his family is falling apart. It used to make me feel bad because their kids appeared so much better behaved than mine, but now I just feel sad for them. They seem to have missed the point of being a family together in church -- they are more about appearance than substance kwim? If it becomes a point of stress every week then everyone starts dreading going to church and I don't want that for my kids.

 

(Not to say that previous posters who have higher expectations for their little ones' behavior in church than I do fall into the same category as my cousin's family whatsoever!! It just had a real impact on me.)

 

Anyway, just some encouragement that it does get a lot better, the super wiggly period is just a short phase.

[Homemaker]

I totally disagree with this. We trained our children from the time that they were little, actually about 18-20 months. We did not take toys, they were just distractions. Dh said no snacks, sippy cups, nothing and you know what, it worked. Everyone always commented at how well our children sat through the service. It is not that hard for most children to sit for 20-40 minutes if the expectations are the same all of the time. Our pastor preaches for 40-50 minutes and if my children can do it, I'm convinced that others can. My children are now 8, 10 & 12 and now they follow along in their Bibles, but they are the only children that don't have drawing things and toys during church. Parenting in the Pew is great!

 

Can you tell me what you did to train them to sit with no distractions? That is what I would like mine to do.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

My 4 1/2 year old sits relatively still and quiet for 1hr. 15min. in church every week. He's been doing it for a little over a year. And, believe me! This is my rambunctious child.;)

 

To the OP, we started by giving him more quiet things to do. I had a clipboard with blank paper and we used stickers and crayons on it. He also had a book and small car in his church bag. We also used to let him eat through service. We just pared it down over time. Now, he sometimes has his magnadoodle and sometimes nothing. He does a great job now! It just takes time.:)

 

This makes sense to me:) I got the impression that the OP wanted children to sit still with no wiggling and just listen which I do think is unrealistic. My son is able to keep quiet for the most part but crayons and books do help at times:) He also wiggles quite a bit to say the least;) I also think a children's nursery is a great thing. Sure I think older children are capable and should learn to sit still, but I still think 3-5 and even 8 is a bit young to expect sitting real still without wiggles and what not and to have their attention on the service:)

[Prairie~Phlox]

Can you tell me what you did to train them to sit with no distractions? That is what I would like mine to do.

 

We would always sit near the front, second row or so. Dh was just firm with them and they learned to adapt. Our children love going to church. We would have them stand during the songs, etc. and just told them they had to be quiet during the sermon's. Some people think that children don't get a lot out of the sermon, but actually my daughter could recap things at a young age and if I ask her what Pastor Bill talked about now, she can still do that. Dh would just give them "the look" when they started wiggling too much or slouching, what not.

HTH....I really think consistency is the key. Same thing every week.

Phlox

[calandalsmom]

I totally disagree with this. We trained our children from the time that they were little, actually about 18-20 months. We did not take toys, they were just distractions. Dh said no snacks, sippy cups, nothing and you know what, it worked. Everyone always commented at how well our children sat through the service. It is not that hard for most children to sit for 20-40 minutes if the expectations are the same all of the time. Our pastor preaches for 40-50 minutes and if my children can do it, I'm convinced that others can. My children are now 8, 10 & 12 and now they follow along in their Bibles, but they are the only children that don't have drawing things and toys during church. Parenting in the Pew is great!

 

I disagree and think you probably have very compliant children. If it were really not that hard more people's kids would do it.;)

 

I like my friend's solution she had a church bag with quiet toys/ books only used at church all related to their faith. Periodically the toys would be changed out so they were appealing all over again.

[babysparkler]

I love this book:

 

Parenting in the Pew

 

It is a great resource!!!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I would whisper what the pastor meant in the sermons. I would whisper the prayers, while holding hands in a praying position. I would whisper the Bible stories. I found that when I was doing this, no one else talked.

 

Also, I carefully screened the church toy. It had to be a stuffed toy with no noisemakers. And I offered snacks, in small quantities, judiciously, during the sermon. Fish crackers tended to be reserved for that time.

 

Also, I taught the hymns in advance. I always seemed to be able to figure out at least one that we would actually sing, so participation was easy. The liturgy was memorized very early, which was nice. Again, participation was easy. It really helps if your church has a sung liturgy.

 

This is what we did. I found that if I was giving them a play-by-play of what was going on, they listened rather than making noise. We also sat up front. Granted, we go to a Catholic Mass, so there is lots to see and participate in, rather than sit and listen for over an hour. I expected them to participate. They learned their responses and the songs. At home, we would rehearse what "behaving in church" looked like. I didn't make them sit for long periods of time, but showed them in a funny way what was acceptable and what wasn't.

 

I do remember that there was a wiggly age where, no matter what I did, the child really needed a break from the pew. Either dh or I would take the child to the back of church and walk for a few minutes. We made it clear that it wasn't playtime, but a "short break."

 

Funny, although I can sit for over an hour and behave myself, I don't think I could pay attention that long:).

[BridgeTea]

OP, looks like you've got lots of good ideas to try here. I especially like the idea of letting a child sit with an older person that is special to them.

 

I am past the stage of having little wigglers of my own, but I just want you parents of littles to know how joyous it is to have you and your children in church! There are lots of us that just do not mind the little accidental kicks or the dropped toys or the loud whispers. We've gone through it ourselves, we understand and feel for you, and we just appreciate your effort in getting your troop into worship services. Let us know if you think we can be of any help. :) I'm all for helping the kids to know appropriate behaviour, but also know what a struggle it can be! Don't give up. The day will come again when you'll actually be able to concentrate on the whole sermon.

 

I miss the days of sharing a hymnal with a beginning reader and pointing out the words to them!

[Joyful]

I love this book:

 

Parenting in the Pew

 

It is a great resource!!!

 

:iagree:

 

Like some of the previous responders, sitting in front helps us too. When they sit in the back, they cannot "see the action", so their eyes and minds wander. I also let them jump and wiggle and sway to the music during the singing of the hymns.

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that partly people's experience depends on what kind of church services their church has, and partly on their theology of worship.

 

My theology of worship is that it's the most important thing in the week, so it has utter priority. God comes to us in worship--He serves us with his Word and Sacraments. So it's crucial that my children experience this. Sunday school is simply not that important. Coffee hour is not that important. Getting children to the point where they are truly participants in worship is the most important.

 

So, knowing how smart my DD was, LOL, I didn't want to use the nursery. Oh yes, we do have one. It's mostly for visitors, though. I was certain that if I used the nursery, DD would realize that if she acted up in church she could go and play. Not a message I wanted to send! Also, more than anything, I really, really wanted her in church with me, because the Divine Service is so central to our faith. I would not have attended a church with a separate children's church, or with a break out for the kids at sermon time. The Divine Service is too important for that.

 

So I was VERY driven to get DD involved with worship, and to keep her in the church services from the start.

 

If I hadn't felt so strongly about that, I might have resented not being able to focus on the sermon myself because I was always paying so much attention to DD. I have to honestly say that I did not personally get nearly as much out of attending church when DD was 4 and under as I did before and after that time. I think of the mothers who have lots of children, and I can see that that could add up to a very long time of not getting as much out of church as you might want to. OTOH, it was SO worthwhile.

[eternalknot]

We attend Catholic Mass, so Catholic Calisthenics have helped us keep the children from being too bored just sitting in the pew. Lots of singing, standing, sitting, kneeling, and natural movement. We never took toys, books, paper, pens, or anything else. They're told why we're at Mass (to worship and share community), and that those things (along with loud whispering and moving about) detract from my ability and theirs to do both.

 

Like another poster suggested, I did a fair amount of whispering when the kids were younger - "this is what the priest is doing" and "did you hear him say 'x' in his sermon, just like we read about at home." I pre-read the readings at home so at Mass they would be able to pick up key words or chunks of information they had remembered from home.

 

My kids didn't hit the ground (or pew) until they were 3ish. Before that they were worn or held throughout the entire Mass, and this greatly reduced any inclination to be anything other than still when they were finally old enough to be responsible for themselves and put down (on the ground/into pew). My extended family practices this, with a variety of personality types, successfully. My 4.5 year old is still held for most Masses; as soon as she gets wiggly, I pick her up and she immediately settles down. It's not easy (she's 52lbs!) but the adults alternate holding her when we stand, and sharing laps when we sit.

 

My kids are also 4 years apart in age, which helps some. Is there some way you can try a few services one-on-one with each of your older kids, to walk them separately through your new set of expectations for them? Do you have other adults or families one or both of your children can sit with? My daughter's 5y/o friend is wiggly and distracting; she sits with us just fine, though, because she knows what our expectations are. She sits with her parents for most of the Mass, but regularly joins us for the homily.

 

My son is naturally compliant; my daughter is anything but. They still know what our Mass expectations are, and they do a great job of meeting them 98% of the time.

 

PS - how do they do at the dinner table? Can you practice there, how to sit for 20+ minutes at a time, waiting to be excused, etc?

[hsmom3tn]

I know a lady who trained her young children to sit still during the Worship Service by making them practice at home every day until they could do it. Each day, she would make them sit still in a chair for the length of time that they would have to sit in a pew (45 min., I think, as for part of the service they would be standing and singing). If they did something that would be disruptive or wiggled around, the time would start over. It may sound harsh to some, but it didn't take long to get them trained and she never had to use distractions or bribery.

 

I don't have personal experience with this, as we didn't start attending church until this past December and my kids are plenty old enough to be still and quiet for a while; just wanted to make a suggestion since it seemed to work well for her.

[ereks mom]

IMHO, I think that it is unrealistic for a 5 and 3 year to sit still at all. I would bring coloring books and activities for them. Does your church have a nursery and a children's place?

 

...a VERY compliant, quiet child, could not do it at that age. I always took crayons and coloring books for my kids when a nursery or children's church was not available. I have TERRIBLE memories of being a little kid in church who was forced to sit still and not fidget. My dad felt that my sister & I should sit still & quiet during church, with no "distractions" to keep us occupied. I dreaded going to church as a little kid because it was such torture for me -- and I was another of those VERY compliant, quiet children. To this day, I CANNOT sit still for a long time without something to keep my hands busy. I can actually pay attention BETTER if I have something in my hands. Now, whenever I have to sit for awhile, whether watching television, waiting at the doctor's office, or even sitting in church, I have to have something to work on while I watch/listen.

[kmacnchs]

IMHO, I think that it is unrealistic for a 5 and 3 year to sit still at all. I would bring coloring books and activities for them. Does your church have a nursery and a children's place?

 

haven't read all of the posts but I disagree. My 3.5 + 2.5yos sit in church w/us. We practiced everyday. After lunch, we would sit on the floor "with self control" (hands in laps). The goal was to sit still without talking until the timer went off. The timer was started over if they talked or played or touched a sibling. I started w/1 minute - when they could do that for 3 or so days straight, I moved it up to 2 minutes.

 

I'm sure you are thinking - how will sitting for 2 minutes help me in church? I just figured you gotta start somewhere :)

 

For our "practice" sitting still time, they were to sit without playing w/anything or listening to anything - just sitting. Then, in church, they each have their own Bible, a pencil, and a pad of paper. So my theory is that if they can sit still with nothing for 10 min, they will be able to sit WAAY longer with something to do :)

 

I also will not let them read their Bibles or write on paper while we are singing - partially so they will learn to participate - partially b/c when I did let them do these things, as soon as it was time to be quiet, they were tired of sitting still - they had done it while we were singing :tongue_smilie:

[MeaganS]

My daughter is 20 months old and she sits with us for the hour and 15 minute service. We used to have to take her out 2 or 3 times during the service, but now that's rare. I think this is because from the time she was 1 year old, when we took her out, she had to sit on our laps with her arms folded. She couldn't play or anything. It helped chill her out as well as made it more fun to be in the meeting. We do use cheerioes, but mostly she sits on our laps and looks at her books or the hymnal. I guess we sort of practice, although unintentionally, every day. We read scriptures together and she has to sit on our laps and be quiet. It's usually for 5 or 10 minutes, but she has gone from completely squirmy to understanding that she should be still and listen. Really, I think a lot of it is about expectations, and if you expect a kid to sit still and be good, then it will eventually happen.

[Dmmetler]

My DD is 5, and participates in the service except for the sermon, where she colors a page related to that week's lesson (which the church provides). What I've discovered is that if she colors/draws during the sermon, she can later narrate back the whole thing in detail, while if she tries to just listen, she gets much less out of it.

[calandalsmom]

Im betting the kids who sit are either naturally relatively compliant or they get smacked a lot.

[athena1277]

Let me first say i have not read all the replies, so I hope this is not redundant.

 

This is what we have/are doing in church. First, we never, ever allowed our dc to get off the pew during services. By the time they are 18 months (probably sooner, I can't remember) we are teaching them to face the front and put their hands together and sit still for each prayer. The rest of the time they would get quiet snacks, books, and quiet toys to help them stay quiet.

 

Around 2-2.5 we moved to no snacks/sippy cups, colors/color books, and books to look at. They are only allowed during the sermon. We encourage them to sing along (even if they aren't singing whatever we are). This is where ds is now and he is very well behaved at church.

 

We just recently moved dd up from the color books, etc. She has a notebook and pen to use during the sermon. We make a list of words to listen for based on the sermon topic of the day. She puts a tally mark by the word whenever she hears it. We are trying to help her start to listen (even a little) to the lesson.

 

Hope that helps!

[Tree House Academy]

At age 5 and 3, I wouldn't expect them to sit still. My older son started sitting still around age 8 or so. Before that, it was a struggle. My 6 year old will sit pretty still, and he can be quiet, but he will crawl in and out of my lap, wiggled in the pew, sit down when we are standing, try to stand occasionally when we are sitting, put his foot on the pew in front of us, etc. I have to tell him several times to stop. He is 6. He knows the rules...he gets bored. Luckily, they call for children's church just about the time he can't stand it much longer. I wouldn't expect him to sit through the sermon and be still. When my older son was younger (7) and too old for Children's church, I would have him draw or color while the pastor preached. It took a year or so, but now he is excellent in church - even when he sits with his friends and away from me. :) (He is 10.5)

[Joanne]

My daughter is 20 months old and she sits with us for the hour and 15 minute service. We used to have to take her out 2 or 3 times during the service, but now that's rare. I think this is because from the time she was 1 year old, when we took her out, she had to sit on our laps with her arms folded. She couldn't play or anything. It helped chill her out as well as made it more fun to be in the meeting. We do use cheerioes, but mostly she sits on our laps and looks at her books or the hymnal. I guess we sort of practice, although unintentionally, every day. We read scriptures together and she has to sit on our laps and be quiet. It's usually for 5 or 10 minutes, but she has gone from completely squirmy to understanding that she should be still and listen. Really, I think a lot of it is about expectations, and if you expect a kid to sit still and be good, then it will eventually happen.

 

 

You may find this challenged very soon. I'm sure you're a great mom and appropriate disciplinarian.

 

But your baby is still...a baby. Don't take what Lydia does to mean too much in terms of your discipline and training. ;) The need and desire for a 3, 5, and 7 year old to move, fidget, manipulate, touch, and feel is developmentally appropriate and different from the needs of your baby.

 

At the age of your born child, mine also stayed quiet, usually in a sling "on" me.

[Jugglin'5]

Im betting the kids who sit are either naturally relatively compliant or they get smacked a lot.

 

They have been loved and trained, and appear to want to please their parents. I am sure that the massive psychological scars will manifest themselves later, but everything seems pretty steady so far. Five compliant children produced from parents who were themselves very NON-compliant children - what are the odds? I don't think so.

[Mejane]

I know a lady who trained her young children to sit still during the Worship Service by making them practice at home every day until they could do it. Each day, she would make them sit still in a chair for the length of time that they would have to sit in a pew (45 min., I think, as for part of the service they would be standing and singing). If they did something that would be disruptive or wiggled around, the time would start over. It may sound harsh to some, but it didn't take long to get them trained and she never had to use distractions or bribery.

 

 

 

Wow. I really have to wonder what the ultimate outcome of such "training" would be. I'm doubtful it's attending with a joyful and willing heart.

[Jugglin'5]

Wow. I really have to wonder what the ultimate outcome of such "training" would be. I'm doubtful it's attending with a joyful and willing heart.

 

I don't always attend with a joyful and willing heart. :)

[BikeBookBread]

We have our kids sit with us in church even though our church offers "children's church" -- we believe in family worship. However, we do not have the expectation of complete silence -- they're 6 and 4, and the service is long, the sermon rigorous.

 

I too, recommend "Parenting in the Pew", and this book has so many great insights already mentioned before. The main point that I have taken from the book caused me to really question WHY we have them in the worship service with us: to teach them to worship! It's not so much about training them to sit still, for us, but to demonstrate the joy, reverence and excitement a Christian has in communion with other believers worshipping on a Sunday morning! Let them quietly ask you questions about what is going on, and answer them - don't "shhh" them -- this suggestion made SUCH a difference for us.

 

I would add that because they are children, they WILL be wiggly. Don't be too strict about this...remind them gently and kindly. I've witnessed some parents who are so unrelenting about this...it just is so harsh. Sometimes DH and I get wiggly!!! especially DH - he is very tall and his legs are long, and the pew honestly isn't that comfortable.

 

The author does not suggest offering a special coloring book or gum or mints during the service, but we do let PDG have these things occasionally. It's surprising how much she tunes into the sermon when she's coloring or doodling (kinetic learner??? :) ). SHe also has her very own spiral notebook for church -- sometimes I'll have her write out a key verse from the sermon, or just write words she hears in the sermon. One of the rules we have, though, is that she can't use these things until the sermon starts.

Edited April 5, 2010 by BikeBookBread
lousy grammar

[2squared]

I wish there was a magic answer for this. My 7yo & 5yo sit perfectly still for an entire mass. They sit, stand, and kneel at all the appropriate times and have been wiggle-free since around 3yo. But....they HATE going to church. I wouldn't care one ounce if they wiggled if they enjoyed going to church and if they got something out of it.

 

My 3.5yo can't sit still at all. Mass is an extreme challenge for him. My 1yo...well you know what that is like. Unfortunately, I am physically unable to hold either child for very long (and definitely not both!). My dh is with us only 1/2 the time between his reserve weekends and mass volunteering.

 

So, no advice other than to say having perfectly quiet, still children isn't all that it's cracked up to be. They can be perfect in church and hate the whole experience.

[LibraryLover]

I'm wondering now, how many views this thread will get....lol

[LibraryLover]

I don't always attend with a joyful and willing heart. :)

 

 

I have a BIL who once said "Attending church should feel like a chore".

[Jugglin'5]

 

I would add that because they are children, they WILL be wiggly. Don't be too strict about this...remind them gently. I've witnessed some parents who are so unrelenting about this...it just seems so harsh to me. Sometimes DH and I get wiggly, especially DH - he is very tall and his legs are long, and the pew isn't that comfortable.

 

 

 

:iagree: I need to shift positions frequently, especially with a child on my lap. Why wouldn't a child need to do the same? It helps that we get up and down many times during the service.

[Jugglin'5]

I have a BIL who once said "Attending church should feel like a chore".

 

 

My point is just that sometimes you don't feel like doing what you ought to do. You get up and go and are soon glad that you did. Learning some self-control as a child is a good thing. Good habits learned early can serve you well later in life.

 

ETA: Lest i leave the impression that church is all about duty and habit for us, I want to clarify something. My children are usually very enthusiastic about going to church, because it is the best day of the week for them: no work, no school; they get to see all their friends, sing, partake in communion and a great lunch after the service; the boys play football, the girls do all sorts of things together, sometimes dancing or playing soccer with the boys, or gathering around the piano and singing. The sermon may not be their favorite part, but it isn't always mine either, lol.

Edited April 5, 2010 by Jugglin'5