I'm done with homeschool groups of any kind!

[5knights3maidens]

I can't stand it. I'm tired of people taking groups and making it so strict that you can't miss a day or anything of the sort. You have to sign your life away to that group. If you miss/forget a special day (not intentionally) you are made to feel no higher than an ant. No more. I quit.

I'm sure someone in this world that knows me will read this....I am to the point of..... I don't care.

Edited January 29, 2010 by 5knights3maidens

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: Perhaps some playdates or small field trips with a good friend and their children would be more your style. I know it is mine.

[5knights3maidens]

Yep. I believe that's the way we will do things for now on. Much less stressful and more fun!

[Pink Fairy]

I have no interest in groups that don't make allowances for illness or even for mistakes. Rigidity and homeschooling usually aren't a good combination. You'll be better off without the stress. :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

I can't stand it. I'm tired of people taking groups and making it so strict that you can't miss a day or anything of the sort. You have to sign your life away to that group. If you miss/forget a special day (not intentionally) you are made to feel no higher than an ant. No more. I quit.

I'm sure someone in this world that knows me will read this....I am to the point of..... I don't care.

 

WOW! I am so sorry you ran into this! :grouphug: I thought the woman who was like this lived in my neck of the woods. :lol:

 

I dealt with a woman who was so hyper and inflexible that I would have thought she was a homeschooling urban legend or something if I hadn't met her myself.

 

At Christmas time, she was collecting money for a present for the gym teacher. I was carrying this huge box down the stairs, missed a stair and rolled my ankle so badly I was off it for about 4 days.

 

Once my friends helped me down the rest of the stairs (I was on the landing with tears streaming down my face from the pain) she walked up to me and asked me for the gift money!!! Without saying ONE WORD about my falling/injury/pain. I wanted to shove the money up her nose. ETA: SHe was standing at the bottom of the stairs watching the whole thing so she knew the seriousness of it.

 

:grouphug: Again, I'm sorry. And I think you'll get a lot of sympathy here.

Edited January 29, 2010 by unsinkable

[jujsky]

Seriously? I'm sorry that has been your experience. We have a very small co-op (5 families, 9 kids) and someone is almost always out with an illness or some type of conflict. It happens and is to be expected with kids. I wish you had a more laid-back group.

[Guest Cindie2dds]

:grouphug: Perhaps some playdates or small field trips with a good friend and their children would be more your style. I know it is mine.

 

:iagree:

[Sputterduck]

I ran into a group similar to that. In order to be in the group you need to personally organize classes or field trips for the whole group. I told the lady that I'm a full time college student and a single mother so I don't have any more time on my hands. I'd love to take my son to park day or whatever, but I can't be organizing classes for 20 kids or field trips for 50. I just can't. I get that most homeschool moms are stay at home moms and have a husband to help with keeping the family going, but I don't have that luxury!

[OnTheBrink]

I don't get groups that want to be that rigid. May as well be in an institutional school setting if you're going to be that legalistic and controlling. I'd quit, too.

[Ginevra]

Wow! That's weird! We belong to a co-op and it's not like that at all. You do have duties and responsibilities and if you can't make them, you are supposed to find back-up. (And you can utilize the e-mail look to ask for back-up.)

 

I also belong to two other willy-nilly groups where you can be as active or as inert as you want. But I'm not doing much with either group because I don't have the time or energy to dash all over town. I'm letting those memberships lapse when they come around again.

[Ellie]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry.

 

Is this a support group or a co-op??

[Tidbits of Learning]

I don't get groups that want to be that rigid. May as well be in an institutional school setting if you're going to be that legalistic and controlling. I'd quit, too.

 

Yes, it is our first year homeschooling here and we tried a co-op. You had to teach. If you or your kids were sick, you had to call around to find a substitute for your class. School was easier to deal with than this co-op.

It felt much, much more demanding and stressful than dealing with the public school system.

[TammyinTN]

I'm a no groups kinda gal...I've been burned and never to return. ;)

[Denisemomof4]

I can't stand it. I'm tired of people taking groups and making it so strict that you can't miss a day or anything of the sort. You have to sign your life away to that group. If you miss/forget a special day (not intentionally) you are made to feel no higher than an ant. No more. I quit.

I'm sure someone in this world that knows me will read this....I am to the point of..... I don't care.

 

I'm so thankful for my homeschool groups. I absolutely love them both.

 

But I understand what you're saying.

 

And, I could say more but I won't.

 

Yet.

[Denisemomof4]

WOW! I am so sorry you ran into this! :grouphug: I thought the woman who was like this lived in my neck of the woods. :lol:

 

I dealt with a woman who was so hyper and inflexible that I would have thought she was a homeschooling urban legend or something if I hadn't met her myself.

 

At Christmas time, she was collecting money for a present for the gym teacher. I was carrying this huge box down the stairs, missed a stair and rolled my ankle so badly I was off it for about 4 days.

 

Once my friends helped me down the rest of the stairs (I was on the landing with tears streaming down my face from the pain) she walked up to me and asked me for the gift money!!! Without saying ONE WORD about my falling/injury/pain. I wanted to shove the money up her nose. ETA: SHe was standing at the bottom of the stairs watching the whole thing so she knew the seriousness of it.

 

:grouphug: Again, I'm sorry. And I think you'll get a lot of sympathy here.

 

Wow! I'm so sorry for you, but even sorrier for her! She must be heartless or miserable, or BOTH!

[MariannNOVA]

I'm a no groups kinda gal...I've been burned and never to return. ;)

 

That's me, too. Sorry this happened to you.

[i.love.lucy]

I was lucky to find a group when I first started hs'ing that didn't have any requirements at all. We've since become a little more closed and do have a statement of faith, but no requirements for attendance or duties. To be honest, it often seems that since there are no requirements, there is less participation. But that's the nature of it I guess!

[Lolly]

I can't stand it. I'm tired of people taking groups and making it so strict that you can't miss a day or anything of the sort. You have to sign your life away to that group. If you miss/forget a special day (not intentionally) you are made to feel no higher than an ant. No more. I quit.

I'm sure someone in this world that knows me will read this....I am to the point of..... I don't care.

 

I got there,....,....., about 10 years ago. Haven't looked back.

[Rosy]

I'm sorry your group didn't work out for you, and hope your needs are met better elsewhere.

 

I do have to say, in defense of the more structured groups, I love that in my group I know that I will always have a TA, that my kids will always have 2 adults in their classrooms and that one will be responsible for teaching what she agreed to teach. I love that we start and stop on time and that everyone knows what to expect. All kinds of grace is given for illness and family emergencies, but I appreciate that there are attendance requirements for the sake of organization and support of the families who make co-op a priority (not saying any of you don't). I would have a hard time running a group (or participating in one, for that matter) where I couldn't count on people to show up when they said they were going to.

 

JMHO--I know there are overly rigid groups, and that would be tough too. I don't mean to step on anyone's toes...I just wanted to throw that out there and say that not all attendance requirements, etc. are bad.

[Sonshine]

In the co-op I'm in, every child has at least one parent or other related adult stay the whole day. They have plenty of people to put in as a teacher if you are sick. It is helpful for the sick one to give the teacher some guidance but if you were too sick to do that, no big deal. We always have at least one TA.

 

I like to be in a co-op that has the right degree of organization and strictness for me. Too much one way, and the quality goes down. Too much the other way and well, this is not what I am homeschooling for. I like a little flexibility. I'm sorry this did not work out for you. When you are sick you need support, not more responsibilities.

[AngelBee]

That's why I started my own. :) It is really active, even though we can rarely make it.

 

:grouphug: I totally get how you feel!

[LauraGB]

I'm sorry you had such a lousy group! Is it smaller? Perhaps there's a really big one around that you can join. Ours is pretty large, and I really don't think anyone misses us if we don't show up :).

[mcconnellboys]

Wow, never heard of that one! But I did long ago learn that coops are to women as small countries are to military dictators. Some of 'em seem to think that the time is always ripe for a coup! No more coops for me.....

[Samiam]

I do think there is a difference between co-ops and other hs support groups. Co-ops, as is obvious by the name, are supposed to be about everyone pitching in, and of course, attendance is going to be expected in order for you to pitch in. Walking into a co-op setting and thinking you won't be asked to help is a mistake/misunderstanding on your part (by you, I mean a general "you", not a specific poster on this thread).

 

NOW, HS support groups, that tends to be a whole other beast. The mandatory attendance at park days, and group lessons that I have no interest in, yet am questioned why we are not attending on a regular basis. When I reply that honestly, there aren't alot of activities that fit our needs and/or interests, I am told that I should organize something then. Uh, no, I don't want to, nor do I have time to. It can get ugly within these groups. I am kind of over the whole group mentality too, but continue to join groups because I tell myself it's good for the children.

Edited January 30, 2010 by Samiam
spelling

[Miss Sherry]

I have homeschooled for many years, since my 23 year old was 5, and have been to a few different homeschool groups. They each had their own personality and one in particular had some very bossy, very controlling leaders in it so I stopped going. The last one I went to disbanded because they no longer had leaders for it at the church they were using. But over the years some of the ridiculous ideas some homeschooling Moms have had about who they are willing to associate with grew very tiring to me so for awhile I just did not want to be around too many homeschoolers in general. For example, one homeschool Mom said to me at a meeting that she only wanted to be friends with other homeschool Moms that used the same curriculum as her. I said what are you going to do if your friends change curriculum ? :lol:

[cara]

I do think there is a difference between co-ops and other hs support groups. Co-ops, as is obvious by the name, are supposed to be about everyone pitching in, and of course, attendance is going to be expected in order for you to pitch in. Walking into a co-op setting and thinking you won't be asked to help is a mistake/misunderstanding on your part (by you, I mean a general "you", not a specific poster on this thread).

 

NOW, HS support groups, that tends to be a whole other beast. The mandatory attendance at park days, and group lessons that I have no interest in, yet am questioned why we are attending on a regular basis. When I reply that honestly, there aren't alot of activities that fit our needs and/or interests, I am told that I should organize something then. Uh, no, I don't want to, nor do I have time to. It can get ugly within these groups. I am kind of over the whole group mentality too, but continue to join groups because I tell myself it's good for the children.

 

Honestly, as a group leader, if you don't organize something or tell me what you want from the group, then I have no clue. I can't do it all and please everyone. And I would be one to tell someone if you want to do something different, then what is being offered, then please feel free to organize it. I'm learning we can't be all to everyone without anyone helping out.

 

We also aren't rigid, and don't care if you show up or not, the only reason we ask who is and isn't coming is so we have enough supplies for everyone. I think the only time we care if you show up or not is if it's a field trip that we need x number of people to attend.

 

OP - sorry the group didn't go well. I couldn't imagine homeschooling without mine. I love those ladies and they have become good friends.

[joannqn]

I'm with you on the co-op thing too. I have a long list of reasons, and yours is one of them.

[Guest Katia]

But I did long ago learn that coops are to women as small countries are to military dictators. Some of 'em seem to think that the time is always ripe for a coup! No more coops for me.....

 

 

Amen sister! Preach it!

 

And, some of us live in places where you have to drive almost an hour to even get to a coop which also calls itself a support group. (not. no support) There are no other choices ; you join and fit it or you are out....and they throw you out.

 

Oh, and this is a 'Christian' group. We are Christians, but we've found we'd rather be in with a secular crowd, join a public school activity or a community college activity than to be with those nasty, judgmental, do-it-my-way-or-the-highway 'Christian' homeschool moms.

 

No more homeschool groups (either support or co-op) for us either.

[Miss Sherry]

Honestly, as a group leader, if you don't organize something or tell me what you want from the group, then I have no clue. I can't do it all and please everyone. And I would be one to tell someone if you want to do something different, then what is being offered, then please feel free to organize it. I'm learning we can't be all to everyone without anyone helping out.

 

We also aren't rigid, and don't care if you show up or not, the only reason we ask who is and isn't coming is so we have enough supplies for everyone. I think the only time we care if you show up or not is if it's a field trip that we need x number of people to attend.

 

OP - sorry the group didn't go well. I couldn't imagine homeschooling without mine. I love those ladies and they have become good friends.

That is so sweet that you love these ladies. I think you sound very kind and I hope nothing said here is hurtful to you because you are not the one doing the things some here have been hurt or frustrated by. Each homeschool group I have been to over the years has been different and some of the ladies have been kind and helpful to one another but there have also been a few mean ones in the batch that have caused grief for those around them. Groups can be great and add a lot to the homeschool experience, but when they are more of a burden and just causing stress it is best to stay away from them.

I think that each group has to be looked at individually. Some are good, healthy places to be and others are toxic.

Edited January 30, 2010 by Miss Sherry

[kalanamak]

Wow! I'm so sorry for you, but even sorrier for her! She must be heartless or miserable, or BOTH!

 

Some people are so linear they can't even register a deflection. I avoid them at work. IME, they are anxious people who get revved up with panic if anything interferes with them going from point A to B to C.

[TravelingChris]

Wow- I hope to never move to these areas with the awful homeschool groups. I am always in a support group or co-op and have been for 16 years in a number of different states and one other country. Since I have also been chronically ill for that time, you can be certain I have been sick at times and not able to attend (whatever it was). Never had any problems.

 

There were groups that were co-ops and everyone had to do things. That is the way those work. In one group, each parent had to take over one or two lessons a semester. Like we were doing World Geography and you chose a country and did a lesson. How it was done was completely up to you. But you did one lesson and your kids learned about 14 other countries. Then in two areas, there were group lessons. Those either had a volunteer parent or were pay lessons for someone. Those had less time commitments. In the last two co-ops I have been, everyone does something. In the first one, I was a helper to classes and a hall monitor. In the one we are in this year (we moved), I teach one class in two periods. I teach but others do things like set up coffee, snacks, and speakers for our support group. (We work two periods and have a support meeting in the third). Some classes like cooking and sewing need parent helpers. Others serve as substitutes or in the resource room.

 

The only time we weren't in a support group or co-op was last winter/spring and it was a miserable time for me. Since I am always moving, I am the new person somewhere between a third and a half of my life.

[KarenNC]

When I reply that honestly, there aren't a lot of activities that fit our needs and/or interests, I am told that I should organize something then. Uh, no, I don't want to, nor do I have time to.

 

I ran into a group similar to that. In order to be in the group you need to personally organize classes or field trips for the whole group. I told the lady that I'm a full time college student and a single mother so I don't have any more time on my hands. I'd love to take my son to park day or whatever, but I can't be organizing classes for 20 kids or field trips for 50. I just can't. I get that most homeschool moms are stay at home moms and have a husband to help with keeping the family going, but I don't have that luxury!

 

I'm quoting a couple of posts because this is not aimed at one response, rather an overall issue I've seen (and am seeing IRL now) that I think needs to be addressed honestly. I'm sorry that folks have had bad experiences in overly rigid groups (I have as well), but I have to say that I find a bigger overall problem to be that there is much more of a consumer mentality than a community-building mentality in a lot of groups (not just homeschooling). Community takes work. Homeschool opportunities do not organically spring full blown from the ether. Every field trip, park day, class, party, support group, etc out there happened because someone wanted that for their child badly enough to be willing to work to make it happen.

 

The simple fact is that I have yet to see a homeschool support group with a paid employee whose job it is to set up activities for other people (there's an idea, though:001_smile:). I have no hesitation in saying to a mom with an idea, "That sounds great! Why don't you work on organizing that or see if there are others who want to do it with you?" Otherwise, that mom is coming to me and saying, in effect, "You (or other members in the group) should organize this for me because I want it and so that my kids can just show up." Well, you know what? I'd like that too, but it is unlikely to happen (or at least not for long). I'm also very busy organizing six or seven other activities in which that mom's child (and the other children in the group) might participate, so, no, I don't really have the time to take that one on as well. I also may not have any interest in that particular activity nor will my child.

 

If you want to be part of a group but have a situation that makes taking on a large project difficult, talk to the organizers and see if there is something that is less of a time commitment or done in a different way that you can offer the group---do a newsletter, set up a park day, team up with a group of others to pull something together, etc. Maybe they can help you connect with someone who has the skills to offer something you want for your kids while you can offer something that person wants for her kids, but doesn't have the skills to do.

 

I know in our group we try to be as sensitive to the competing issues as we can and try to find jobs that folks can do from home or in other ways if need be. Our group, for instance, has no mandatory attendance at activities, etc, but we do have to acknowledge that, in a volunteer organization, if no one is willing to volunteer to do a specific thing, that thing will not happen, no matter how much a particular person may want it. We try to have a variety of activities to appeal to as many folks as possible, but, yes, everyone is expected to contribute in some meaningful way. In short, it's not my responsibility to provide all the activities you may want for your child, just as it is not your responsibility to provide all the activities I want for mine, but maybe together we can create something of benefit to both of us.

 

If one cannot be part of creating community, yes, one is probably better off simply paying for every activity in which one is interested rather than joining a volunteer support group (or finding a group that doesn't mind you tagging along while they set up activities). It helps to realize that every activity in which you or your kids participate required effort on the part of someone--very possibly someone who, while not in your particular situation, may be dealing with just as complicated a situation of her own even if she has a husband, you just don't see it.

Edited January 30, 2010 by KarenNC

[Sputterduck]

I'm quoting a couple of posts because this is not aimed at one response, rather an overall issue I've seen (and am seeing IRL now) that I think needs to be addressed honestly. I'm sorry that folks have had bad experiences in overly rigid groups (I have as well), but I have to say that I find a bigger overall problem to be that there is much more of a consumer mentality than a community-building mentality in a lot of groups (not just homeschooling). Community takes work. Homeschool opportunities do not organically spring full blown from the ether. Every field trip, park day, class, party, support group, etc out there happened because someone wanted that for their child badly enough to be willing to work to make it happen.

 

The simple fact is that I have yet to see a homeschool support group with a paid employee whose job it is to set up activities for other people (there's an idea, though:001_smile:). I have no hesitation in saying to a mom with an idea, "That sounds great! Why don't you work on organizing that or see if there are others who want to do it with you?" Otherwise, that mom is coming to me and saying, in effect, "You (or other members in the group) should organize this for me because I want it and so that my kids can just show up." Well, you know what? I'd like that too, but it is unlikely to happen (or at least not for long). I'm also very busy organizing six or seven other activities in which that mom's child (and the other children in the group) might participate, so, no, I don't really have the time to take that one on as well. I also may not have any interest in that particular activity nor will my child.

 

If you want to be part of a group but have a situation that makes taking on a large project difficult, talk to the organizers and see if there is something that is less of a time commitment or done in a different way that you can offer the group---do a newsletter, set up a park day, team up with a group of others to pull something together, etc. Maybe they can help you connect with someone who has the skills to offer something you want for your kids while you can offer something that person wants for her kids, but doesn't have the skills to do.

 

I know in our group we try to be as sensitive to the competing issues as we can and try to find jobs that folks can do from home or in other ways if need be. Our group, for instance, has no mandatory attendance at activities, etc, but we do have to acknowledge that, in a volunteer organization, if no one is willing to volunteer to do a specific thing, that thing will not happen, no matter how much a particular person may want it. We try to have a variety of activities to appeal to as many folks as possible, but, yes, everyone is expected to contribute in some meaningful way. In short, it's not my responsibility to provide all the activities you may want for your child, just as it is not your responsibility to provide all the activities I want for mine, but maybe together we can create something of benefit to both of us.

 

If one cannot be part of creating community, yes, one is probably better off simply paying for every activity in which they are interested rather than joining a volunteer support group (or finding a group that doesn't mind you tagging along while they set up activities). It helps to realize that every activity in which you or your kids participate required effort on the part of someone--very possibly someone who, while not in your particular situation, may be dealing with just as complicated a situation of her own even if she has a husband, you just don't see it.

 

But see, I don't want all those activities. Why should I have to organize them? One group we were a part of did a park day once a week. Zero organization involved. One of them in my current area goes out for icecream once a month. Both are lovely and are recurring events which take zero preparation, and I don't want classes/trips/ etc from a homeschool group. Really, I don't. And since I don't have enough time to sleep, let alone organize a class that I don't even want my own son in, I'm happy with the more casual groups where we meet but don't need to ever do anything elaborate or time consuming. I go from dawn to dusk being in college full time and not having a husband to help with anything. I'm tired. I have nothing else to give.

Edited January 30, 2010 by Sputterduck

[KarenNC]

But see, I don't want all those activities. Why should I have to organize them? One group we were a part of did a park day once a week. Zero organization involved. One of them in my current area goes out for icecream once a month. Both are lovely and are recurring events which take zero preparation, and I don't want classes/trips/ etc from a homeschool group. Really, I don't. And since I don't have enough time to sleep, let alone organize a class that I don't even want my own son in, I'm happy with the more casual groups where we meet but don't need to ever do anything elaborate or time consuming. I go from dawn to dusk being in college full time and not having a husband. I'm tired. I have nothing else to give.

 

I can't imagine a group that would require you to organize a class or activity in which you had no interest or didn't want your own child to participate, but I suppose it may happen. Now, I have had *parents* who wanted me to do just that (as in my example above), but I have no problem saying, "That's a great idea, what are your plans for making that happen?".

 

Not all activities have to be elaborate or time-consuming, but all do require a dedication of resources (either of time or effort or both). My point is that is no such thing as a "zero-preparation" activity, just ones that are more or less time-consuming on the part of the person who organizes them. Someone has to choose the ice cream parlor, communicate the date to others, decide on the park, commit to being there on a regular basis, etc. Even if it's recurring, someone had to set it up originally and, likely, spent a lot of time sitting at the park alone some weeks until folks got in the habit of coming (been there, done that). It may not take as much effort as teaching AP biology, but it takes effort on someone's part, and is still a valuable contribution to the community.

 

Believe me, I'm tired and overcommitted, too, and wondering if I have anything left to give to many groups---the homeschool group, the church, Girl Scouts, my extended family, etc.

Edited January 30, 2010 by KarenNC

[gardening momma]

But see, I don't want all those activities. Why should I have to organize them? ...I don't want classes/trips/ etc from a homeschool group. Really, I don't.

Are you in a group that does classes/trips, etc..., but there's something else there that you do participate in? Just wondering if/why you're in a group that has nothing for you. If there is something that you do with them, then that's why you would help with something you don't have interest in--your kids benefit from something that others do for you, so you help with something that their kids can benefit from.

 

My point is that is no such thing as a "zero-preparation" activity, just ones that are more or less time-consuming on the part of the person who organizes it. Someone has to choose the ice cream parlor, communicate the date to others, decide on the park, commit to being there on a regular basis, etc. Even if it's recurring, someone had to set it up originally and, likely, spent a lot of time sitting at the park alone some weeks until folks got in the habit of coming (been there, done that).

:iagree: Usually the person who organizes a park day or ice cream trip or whatever will plan to be there as well.

[pamd]

I am truly sorry you have had this expierence. I had that expierence in the past and started a homeschool group that is member ran, no fees, and our motto is you do what you want and don't do what doesn't work for you or your family. We are laid back. I hope you find something that works for you. Like someone else said get one or two families and do things together. Home Schooling alone is hard you need support. Praying for you.

[happyWImom]

We belong to 2. The one is a co-op, and you do have to help, but they are totally fine with absences, and there is always a back up.

 

The other, is the opposite end of the spectrum than yours-it's waaaay too lax & flexible (if that's what you want to call it). Half the time, hardly anyone shows up, no one wants to do any organizing, and it's basically a social group. A social group is fine, but call it that. Plus, it's in a library-"Hello, you can't just throw kids in any empty room without a plan and expect them to be quiet!!" It's complete chaos, and stressful.:rant:

 

I guess my point is, there seem to be so many different types of hs groups, and if you're lucky, you're in an area where you can pick and choose. Don't let it turn you off all of them.:001_smile:

[Carol in Cal.]

Some homeschooling parents want to run everything, including your life.

Some want to socialize. Even in the middle of a class someone else is giving.

Some want someone else to teach their kids something.

Some want to be able to fade in and out of everything.

Some want community and want consistency for their kids.

Some want complete control over their kids at all times, but don't want to be physically present all the time. (That's a weird one. It leads to wild kids with parents who get furious if someone tries to get their child to cooperate and calm down.)

 

These desires lead to different behaviors.

 

You have to find or create a group that matches what you want.

 

My own personal experience is that I have not had much luck with coops. I like the idea, but in my experience, invariably, some parents think of it as a coop and some think of it as their baby--the ones who started it, or the officers, or the ones who have been around the longest. It is really hard to have a coop that is completely egalitarian.

 

I like and accept classes and programs that have the rules clearly defined up front. Those I can think about and consider and do or not do. What I can't stand is unspoken agreements that everyone must follow but no one can articulate. If I'm in a group like that, I usually don't last very long.

 

I don't like park days because they are so undefined and because they are always right in the middle of the day. I would rather send a note out to a mix of school and homeschool families we know saying that we are going to a certain park on a certain day at a certain time, and let the chips fall where they may. I have helped organize park events many times, and it's not difficult to do, there just needs to be a steering committee that will pick the times and dates and theme, if any, and bring the basics--tables, bulliten boards and pins for announcements, and whatever game equipment that might be relevant. Then it's just a matter of sending out email announcements to every homeschooling list for 60 miles, and about 50-70 people show up and mix. For a fresh start and a chance to mix across groups you're not usually in and also share information, these have been outstanding for me and for my friends.

 

When I teach a class, I just plain offer it. I lay out all the things I will offer, the rules I will follow, and the commitments I need from others. Then I send it out, and cheerfully stick with what I said. I don't argue about my choices, but I don't get mad if questioned. I just say what I'm going to do, pleasantly, over and over. And if people want to join in, great, and if not, no big deal.

 

It's like passing around a plate of cookies. It's not a rejection if someone doesn't want my cookie. By the same token, it's not polite to ask for a different kind of cookie. Go and get your own cookie from somewhere else if you don't want the ones on the plate. I'm happy to listen to information about other cookie recipes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to throw away my cookies and make the other recipe and serve that instead.

Edited January 30, 2010 by Carol in Cal.

[mommyrooch]

Amen sister! Preach it!

 

And, some of us live in places where you have to drive almost an hour to even get to a coop which also calls itself a support group. (not. no support) There are no other choices ; you join and fit it or you are out....and they throw you out.

 

Oh, and this is a 'Christian' group. We are Christians, but we've found we'd rather be in with a secular crowd, join a public school activity or a community college activity than to be with those nasty, judgmental, do-it-my-way-or-the-highway 'Christian' homeschool moms.

 

No more homeschool groups (either support or co-op) for us either.

 

I could have written your post!!! Especially the bolded part.

 

I am a member of a local co-op where I live and this is very much the mindset. The unfortunate thing is that it seems to be the mindset among ALL the homeschool groups in this area.

 

I too am Christian but I am finding that I would also rather be in with a secular crowd or activities with the public school etc. because I just cannot stand the judgemental, intolerant, do it my way or the highway attitudes of most of the "Christian" homeschool moms around here.

 

Thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone. :D

[KarenNC]

It's like passing around a plate of cookies. It's not a rejection if someone doesn't want my cookie. By the same token, it's not polite to ask for a different kind of cookie. Go and get your own cookie from somewhere else if you don't want the ones on the plate. I'm happy to listen to information about other cookie recipes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to throw away my cookies and make the other recipe and serve that instead.

 

Can I steal this? I love it! :D

[unsinkable]

Can I steal this? I love it! :D

 

I agree. I wish I would have had that attitude the 7 years I was a Girl Socut leader. I would have saved myself a bunch of hurt feelings & frustration.

[HollyDay]

We joined a pre-K - 3 group years ago. There was a sign up sheet at the BEGINNING of the year in August for every single event and field trip for the next 10 months. We missed one in April due to illness and were put on probation from field trips due to missing an obligation. Hello! I didn't know in Aug that my dd's would have a fever the 3rd week of April. I never signed up for another field trip. Come to think of it, many folks never signed up for field trips after that year. The coordinators were replaced. The next year was awesome!

[Ellie]

NOW, HS support groups, that tends to be a whole other beast. The mandatory attendance at park days, and group lessons that I have no interest in, yet am questioned why we are not attending on a regular basis. When I reply that honestly, there aren't alot of activities that fit our needs and/or interests, I am told that I should organize something then. Uh, no, I don't want to, nor do I have time to. It can get ugly within these groups. I am kind of over the whole group mentality too, but continue to join groups because I tell myself it's good for the children.

You were in a support group that had *mandatory attendance* at a park day???:svengo:That's a group I'd stay far away from. Sheesh.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I could have written your post!!! Especially the bolded part.

 

I am a member of a local co-op where I live and this is very much the mindset. The unfortunate thing is that it seems to be the mindset among ALL the homeschool groups in this area.

 

I too am Christian but I am finding that I would also rather be in with a secular crowd or activities with the public school etc. because I just cannot stand the judgemental, intolerant, do it my way or the highway attitudes of most of the "Christian" homeschool moms around here.

 

Thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone. :D

 

I am so glad that someone else wrote this. I was getting crazy emails and insane conversations with people and thought do I want my children to pick up these ideas. It was just as bad as public school influences b/c these were all or nothing groups.

[Murphy101]

 

Okay Carol in Cal that is worth blogging! Awesome post!:iagree:

[angela in ohio]

Wow, never heard of that one! But I did long ago learn that coops are to women as small countries are to military dictators. Some of 'em seem to think that the time is always ripe for a coup! No more coops for me.....

 

:D This sooo describes my experiences in co-ops, homeschool groups, etc.

[Guest Katia]

I could have written your post!!! Especially the bolded part.

 

I am a member of a local co-op where I live and this is very much the mindset. The unfortunate thing is that it seems to be the mindset among ALL the homeschool groups in this area.

 

I too am Christian but I am finding that I would also rather be in with a secular crowd or activities with the public school etc. because I just cannot stand the judgemental, intolerant, do it my way or the highway attitudes of most of the "Christian" homeschool moms around here.

 

Thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone. :D

 

:grouphug: