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swellmomma

swellmomma

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SW just left this morning's visit. They made the list of things I have to do to be allowed to keep my kids. Things listed including: getting a gym membership, going out more without my children, having Hunter fully assessed for SN within 3 months(keep in mind I booked an appt with the ped to jsut get the referral and just to see him we can't get in until March 16 THEN we get put on the waitlist at the shrink waiting to get in THEN start the assessment process). If these things do not happen with in 3 months they are going to court to take the kids.

 

WTF! since when is a gym membership, or going out alone or bypassing all waiting lists(having BTDT with the others I am used to this), requirements of being a good parent?

 

Funny thing is she could not think of anything specific to parenting to be addressed on the list. NO parenting, discipline, anger classes etc that youw ould think they would list. Nope, jsut stupid things like gym membership.

 

PLUS she wants to change the homeschool laws just for my family. I showed her the assessments from our school board facilitator. THis is a registered teacher who comes out twice a year to monitor the kids progress. We got glowing reports, but apparently they are not good enough because we only get seen twice a year with 1 email mid year to check in. She wants the teacher out monthly! The LAW states they only need to come out twice a year, and our school board has no problem with the education the kids are recieving. She was also going on about the fact Austin does math at a 3rd grade level rather than 5th. He is working at his own pace, and progressing steadily but not at grade level. Again the school board sees no problem with this, after all that is why we homeschool. But the SW has this very school at home mentality and wants to push her thoughts on that into our family.

 

SHe is still saying I am breastfeeding for my benefit not dd's. Somehow I am getting off on it or something in her head.

 

I am furious right now and stressed and not a happy person today.

 

:cursing::cursing::banghead::banghead:

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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Is moving earlier a possibility?

 

We can't. Aside from needing the time to save up the rest of the needed money, she mentioned putting an injunction to stop us if we tried.

 

My mom just phoned her and asked WTF, and the SW told her the same thing she told me. SHe sees NO concerns for the children's safety, if I put them in public school this would go away, but as a stay at home homeschooling mom of 4 kids, 2 with special needs, she wants to make sure I am taking breaks and focusing on myself rather than the kids 24/7.

 

So says teh woman of one preschooler that she sticks in daycare to come and harass other families. This is simply a powertrip by a woman who sees being a stay at home home schooling mom to be wrong!

 

I am livid right now. Oh and on top of that, not only did she arrange for this other worker to come in from an agency they work alongside with(a woman who wants to meet all the kids coaches etc, yeah right) BUT she is also arranging for another caseworker to come weekly to make sure I am in compliance. So now I will have 2 workers EVERY week coming in, even though she herself has said CPS has NO concerns of the children's safety.

 

It is absolute BS!

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Terabith

Terabith

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What is the rationale for a second social worker? That seems odd.

 

I don't know if lawyers can get involved, but have you considered that?

 

What does she say in regards to why you need a gym membership, time difficulty in getting Austin evaluated, etc, in order to prevent having your children removed? That seems awfully drastic, given no concerns about safety.

 

I hate to say this, but if you did enroll them in public school for the rest of the year, would this go away and you could move?

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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I must have missed something. Why are they even visiting you?

 

 

Because before xmas Austin set my bed on fire while I shoveled the van out after a blizzard in -40C temps. CPS claimed I abandoned the kids home alone when I left them inside to shovel. The house was also a mess because we had been sick and the kids trashed it. Since then they have said keeping them in from the elements was teh safest thing I could do, despite what Austin did (it was an accident not an intention fire). THey have also seen the house is kept clean, we had an uncles at large intake interview here at teh house 1 week before the fire and our facilitator for our assessment 2 weeks before the fire and they could attest to the fact the house was clean. It was a temporary situation due to illness.

 

They have decided the kids are fine here BUT because I have depression(being treated), and am a stay at home mom and homeschool(which she is very against) they will not leave us alone. SHe has told me several times and now told my mother if I stuck them back in ps they would close the file and go away. BEcause I refuse to do that (the kids were in before and I pulled them out because of their special needs and not getting help in school) they want to keep their claws in, but don't have anything to list so they are making crap up like gym memberships.

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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I hate to say this, but if you did enroll them in public school for the rest of the year, would this go away and you could move?

 

Yes BUT there is a risk for that. THe last time ds11 was in ps he was talking about suicide at age 7 because he felt too stupid. Due to their special needs PS is not a good idea even temporarily

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KidsHappen

KidsHappen

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:cursing::banghead::mad: I am already in a p*ssy mood today regarding my own situation but this is just ridiculous. You need an advocate as it sounds like this lady is seriously overstepping her bounds. I will be b*tching long and loud to anyone who will listen. Get the word out to the community, churches, the news, and legal aid groups that can help. I am so sorry that you are going through this. :grouphug:

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Anne in CA

Anne in CA

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I have to agree with getting a lawyer, but carefully. I don't think this woman will go away until these kids are in PS. Some people are TRUE BELIEVERS in PS. That is their religion and they are not rational on the subject.

 

I might consider putting them in school temporarily if you could reach an understanding with a sympathetic administrator who would help monitor your dc.

 

Honestly, the most messed up druggie kids I went to high school with were SW's kids. Maybe some SW's somewhere are good parents, but in the Eastern Oregon town I am from that was not the case. My own cousin was in charge of CSD there and her one of her own children was a complete druggie. Very sad.

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Harriet Vane

Harriet Vane

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Two pieces of advice:

 

The road to happiness with a social worker is through syrupy sweet submission. I repeat: SUBMISSION. Do what they say, sweetly, submissively. Demeanor is everything. Also you need to show a judge full compliance in addition to your defense of yourself.

 

Second, while being syrupy sweet and submissive, get a lawyer who will also be syrupy sweet but who will advocate for you.

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QueenCat

QueenCat

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Two pieces of advice:

 

The road to happiness with a social worker is through syrupy sweet submission. I repeat: SUBMISSION. Do what they say, sweetly, submissively. Demeanor is everything. Also you need to show a judge full compliance in addition to your defense of yourself.

 

Second, while being syrupy sweet and submissive, get a lawyer who will also be syrupy sweet but who will advocate for you.

 

:iagree:It might not seem fair or right but if your mother is saying "WTF" to the SW, like you indicated, it is NOT helping you in any way, shape or form. If your goal is to get through this quickly, comply as much as possible. Tell your mom to be NICE to the SW, not antogonistic. Go get the gym membership and then go to the gym, you might like it. It's a great stress reliever. Go out once in a while. Parents need and deserve breaks. Compromise until you move, and consider putting the 2 kids who don't have special needs in public school. You'll be able to show you can work with the two others on a more concentrated level. You don't want the system to follow you in your move, so get through it as quickly as you can. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like, and sometimes that means conforming. And finally, get a lawyer, if you can, but remember, that may prolong things for you.

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IsabelC

IsabelC

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I second (third?) strider's suggestion. If you can't get away (ie emigrate out of this sw's jurisdiction) then yeah, do not do anything that could give her an excuse to have it in for you. Play dirty if you have to (eg breastfeed your toddler in private and imply that you have weaned her) but don't show any defiance that could be used against you. Your social people sound like they're on some perverse power trip (sheesh if kids were removed on account of the house being a mess, mine would have been taken months ago!), so play into that by acting humble and even thankful for her excellent (not) advice and let any argument come from your legal representative.

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Impish

Impish

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I just don't see how a gym membership is something that can be ordered by a SW. If the children are not endangered, then the file should be closed, period.

 

Too bad you're not First Nations. We had Wolf's niece's dd for a whopping 10 days, and the determination to send her back to her mother was made before the drug test was even in (positive for meth). The child was removed b/c his niece was tweaking on meth. Unfortunately, despite the CART team being present, his niece handed him the child, which made it (somehow) a voluntary relinquishment, not an apprehension.

 

They weren't even going to do any supervision, just hand the baby back until we threatened to go to the press and climbed the ladder at FCS. That was before Christmas, 2004. That spring, I received a call. They wanted to extend the supervision order, but couldn't find the niece, wanted to know if we had any idea where she was. There was talk of 'supports for permanency' by the SW. I called a few wks later, and everything was suddenly fine, despite the niece dropping out of her drug counseling, etc. Part of the other social worker's reasoning for returning the baby was that the niece would lose her housing without the child (in provincial housing). Found out from the 2nd social worker that she'd been evicted due to too much police presence! She'd been beaten up in her own home a month after they took the baby back by her dealer...yet nobody called us, nobody removed the child.

 

Why? Because she's First Nations status. I point blank asked if that was why, and the social worker said, "I can't tell you that." But she didn't tell me it wasn't either, kwim?

 

I called about her in the fall, and her case was closed. Only months after her quitting counseling, and everything else, her case was closed!

 

We've heard about the niece recently, she's apparently clean, and had a baby boy in the last few months.

 

I hope to heaven she is, but don't trust it either, since the info came from her mom, who brags about using coke.

 

Get a lawyer. Social Services is only supposed to get involved with children at risk. The sw admitted yours aren't. Get a lawyer.

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Sonshine

Sonshine

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This lady sounds like she could go with this forever to me. What will it be next month - you have to have a monthly appointment for a pedicure and manicure? I agree with acting submissive (in your demeanor not in jumping through all her hoops) to her, but I think you need some type of advocate. I don't know how that works in Canada. She sounds pissed off that you didn't really have significant things wrong with your family so that she could harass you and have job security, and is going on to making up ridiculous so-called problems.

She is every homeschool family's worst nightmare! You are strong and will get through this but if it is possible to get help to end this phase do. Since her main issue is the homeschooling is there some type of homeschooling organization that will help you?

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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:iagree:It might not seem fair or right but if your mother is saying "WTF" to the SW, like you indicated, it is NOT helping you in any way, shape or form. If your goal is to get through this quickly, comply as much as possible. Tell your mom to be NICE to the SW, not antogonistic. Go get the gym membership and then go to the gym, you might like it. It's a great stress reliever. Go out once in a while. Parents need and deserve breaks. Compromise until you move, and consider putting the 2 kids who don't have special needs in public school. You'll be able to show you can work with the two others on a more concentrated level. You don't want the system to follow you in your move, so get through it as quickly as you can. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like, and sometimes that means conforming. And finally, get a lawyer, if you can, but remember, that may prolong things for you.

 

The problem isn't about going to the gym, it is the cost. $600 just to join then $14/hour childcare. I can't afford that when I am saving every penny for the move (I do not work and have a very limited income.) THe 2 kids that do not have special needs are ds6 who while he does not have the same issues as the big kids does have encopresis and will not do well in PS with him constantly oozing bm into his pants. He is also the one the SW wants assessed for LD. The other one is dd2 who is too young for school.

 

I have complied with everythign they asked for up until this point. However she has not done her part, she wanted us to see a particular shrink but claims that in the last 1.5 months she has only played phone tag with his office. SHe has also cancelled/no showed 3 meetings with me with little/no notice. IF I did that there would be h*ll to pay. My mother did not say the words WTF to the SW today, she was polite but wanted to find out why all the ridiculous claims.

 

The problem with breaks is the SW is claiming I get none yet my family will rarely babysit claiming I get more than any other parent they know. I can not afford the cost to hire an adult sitter to watch the kids so I can go out. I told me sister what was going on and she broke out into laughter about it, so no help there. I am being told I have to do this that and the other when none of it is needed for the welfare of the children, ALL of it is adding extra stress and I don't have the resources to deal with it. They claim it is to help my depression but all they have done is make things WAY worse.

 

I just want to be left alone to raise my children on my own. I should not be forces to go out with out them and pay for sitters I can not afford, or to join a gym I can not afford just in a way for them to force my kids into ps.

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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This lady sounds like she could go with this forever to me. What will it be next month - you have to have a monthly appointment for a pedicure and manicure? I agree with acting submissive (in your demeanor not in jumping through all her hoops) to her, but I think you need some type of advocate. I don't know how that works in Canada. She sounds pissed off that you didn't really have significant things wrong with your family so that she could harass you and have job security, and is going on to making up ridiculous so-called problems.

She is every homeschool family's worst nightmare! You are strong and will get through this but if it is possible to get help to end this phase do. Since her main issue is the homeschooling is there some type of homeschooling organization that will help you?

 

She asked me to sign a form to talk to the school board about the kids. I was able to put specifically what they could say, but one of things I listed was for them to explain the legalities of homeschooling in Alberta, particularily with the way I am registered(since technically I am seen as a p/t ps-er).

 

HSLDA would not touch it now because it is already happening, but they would not have let me join before all of this because like I mentioned I am seen as a p/t ps-er not a full homeschooler.

 

I am not feeling particularily strong right now. Between the stuff that happened with my folks 2 weeks ago, my sister laughing about this whole thing, the stress of the SW and her demand's, plus trying to save the money to move, the guy next door that confessed a murder to me, Ds's stalker coming around again last week making threats and video taping him, the pervert in the area that tried to take 3 teen girls the other day, the gang running their drugs on my corner, school (mine and the kids), I am running the science fair, volunteering at their fine arts program(though last night I did the supervisors job because she sat nearly catatonic all night because her wallet was stolen during the day-including organizing staff, talking to parents, discipling kids where necessary etc). Running the kids in every direction to extra currics and of course spending 3-5 hours a day cleaning my house so it will be above reproach. Oh yes and of course the selling and tossing of 90% of my belongings and packing the rest. I am so flipping done. I am not sleeping(maybe 4 hours of interupted sleep a night), my diet is horrid (I am comfort eater), my antidepressants make me nauseous. I am not feeling strong at all, I am feeling very run down and weak right now and just want this all to be over with.

 

I am done being a part of my extended family, I am so over those toxic relationships. I am so done dealing with the SW and her BS. I am done dealing with the violence, and perverts and drugs in my neighborhood.

 

I feel like I am being forced to sacrifice my children and claim it is for the sake of my children kwim. If I put the olders in school, I know it will set them back hugely, especially ds. I know that to do that would be the same as giving up on them. But if I don't I have this looming over my head. It isn't right. My children are not being abused or neglected. THey are not living in squalor, they are being educated. CPS should not be allowed to put their nose in a families personal decisions for their children when those decisions are not posing an actual issue to the child(ren)'s safety and well-being.

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WishboneDawn

WishboneDawn

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You need to contact your MP as well. Seriously!

 

That's what they're there for and this is exactly the kind of thing he/she could help you with.

 

Monday morning make sure you call and explain that you need help and/or guidance in dealing with this SW and her demands (the gym thing is ridiculous! Is she going to have the province pay for this?). Set up a meeting if you can.

 

Monday morning, okay?

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Mommyof4ks

Mommyof4ks

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I would get a lawyer. I don't know the laws in Canada, but here SWs cannot tell you how to school your kids, it is illegal for them to do so. We were foster parents for a while, and the SWs in general were very vocal about their opinions about my schooling choice, but they could not do a thing about it when it came to my kids (our fosters were little).

 

Can they order you to get a gym membership? That seems absurd, but it is not a hill I would die on. If you can do that, then I would get a membership if it is indeed legal for them to require that.

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Impish

Impish

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Contact your MLA. Climb the ladder at FCS. Get to Legal Aid, and get an attorney.

 

I've said all this previously, but seriously, first thing Monday am, you need to move on this. FAST.

 

They can and will take all your kids, and not have to justify it for 2 wks. In fact, in Ontario, family court is so backed up that it can take MONTHS for them to manage a 'show cause' hearing...in which time, they've 'legally kidnapped' your children.

 

ETA: Here in AB, they've also changed the rules. Nine months in care, and the parents are TPR'd, and children become available for adoption. That can be nine solid months, or 3 months here, 2 months there...until it adds up to nine months.

 

You seriously need professional, legalhelp. Venting here is ok, but none of us can actually do anything to protect you or your kids.

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2cents

2cents

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One word-LAWYER! This SW sounds wacko and that means she is a threat to your family. Where is she coming up with the gym nonsense??? :confused: Exactly how is that going to help anything and who is going to pay for that? When I worked for services, we weren't recommending gym membership and long walks alone or whatever other wacky things she told you. You need someone who can put her in check...fast.

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OHGrandma

OHGrandma

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SW just left this morning's visit. They made the list of things I have to do to be allowed to keep my kids. Things listed including: getting a gym membership, going out more without my children, having Hunter fully assessed for SN within 3 months(keep in mind I booked an appt with the ped to jsut get the referral and just to see him we can't get in until March 16 THEN we get put on the waitlist at the shrink waiting to get in THEN start the assessment process). If these things do not happen with in 3 months they are going to court to take the kids.

 

WTF! since when is a gym membership, or going out alone or bypassing all waiting lists(having BTDT with the others I am used to this), requirements of being a good parent?

 

Funny thing is she could not think of anything specific to parenting to be addressed on the list. NO parenting, discipline, anger classes etc that youw ould think they would list. Nope, jsut stupid things like gym membership.

 

PLUS she wants to change the homeschool laws just for my family. I showed her the assessments from our school board facilitator. THis is a registered teacher who comes out twice a year to monitor the kids progress. We got glowing reports, but apparently they are not good enough because we only get seen twice a year with 1 email mid year to check in. She wants the teacher out monthly! The LAW states they only need to come out twice a year, and our school board has no problem with the education the kids are recieving. She was also going on about the fact Austin does math at a 3rd grade level rather than 5th. He is working at his own pace, and progressing steadily but not at grade level. Again the school board sees no problem with this, after all that is why we homeschool. But the SW has this very school at home mentality and wants to push her thoughts on that into our family.

 

SHe is still saying I am breastfeeding for my benefit not dd's. Somehow I am getting off on it or something in her head.

 

I am furious right now and stressed and not a happy person today.

 

:cursing::cursing::banghead::banghead:

 

On what grounds do they think they can take your children? See if you can get a copy of the file they have on you, to see if something is written that you don't know about. If all they have is what you have written here, then let them take you to court.

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LauraGB

LauraGB

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Oh Brandy :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:! I don't have a gym membership either - and I don't really plan to. Can't imagine anyone showing up to my house threatening to take my kids unless I did. While I know there are more details, that requisite is ridiculous. Get a lawyer. Don't mess around.

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Strawberry Queen

Strawberry Queen

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Hi there,

 

I know this sucks! I thought I would put .02 and say that if you *have* to put your kids in school. which shouldn't happen, then check out the Caraway program run out of Argyll. It has high parent involvement (like in teaching days/week) and is really relaxed. The kids can decide if they want to go outside for recess, and it seems like they are more able to progress at their own rate. I'm only saying this to present a temporary option.

 

You most assuredly need to go higher up the food chain with this. The first rule of advocacy is to go to the top. Call all of the people you can; lawyer, your supervising teacher and principal, your MLA, Ombudsman, and maybe even see if you can get any help from Kids Kottage. I know that they're available for relief when needed but they aren't part of social services. Oh, you might even call the MLA in charge of social services-I think it's Iris Evans but I could be wrong. Start talking and don't stop.

 

Start the good fight for your kids :boxing_smiley:

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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:iagree:

Yes, yes, get an attorney and at least know what your rights are. Can you contact Homeschool Legal Defense or whatever their name is? They were founded to help with issues as yours. The only thing they do not handle is custody battles and I did not read anything about that in your posts.

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QueenCat

QueenCat

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The problem isn't about going to the gym, it is the cost. $600 just to join then $14/hour childcare. .

 

Wow! We can get a family membership to the gym (YMCA) for $75/month. It's cheaper if you earn less $ but the most is $75 for a family. Childcare at the Y is free. That's why I didn't think the gym was a big deal. And it really can be a stress reducer, working out, that is. Only you can determine how to handle this but you'll get all sorts of opinions since you posted here. Unfortunately, even if it's not right, compliance is the quickest way to get rid of the problem. Especially if she can really stop the move.

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KidsHappen

KidsHappen

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You need to contact your MP as well. Seriously!

 

That's what they're there for and this is exactly the kind of thing he/she could help you with.

 

Monday morning make sure you call and explain that you need help and/or guidance in dealing with this SW and her demands (the gym thing is ridiculous! Is she going to have the province pay for this?). Set up a meeting if you can.

 

Monday morning, okay?

 

I don't know if MP means medical practioner on not but if it does I agree. It may help to have your doctor state that she is unneccessarily aggravating your depression and that the demands are creating extra stress that is in no way helpful.

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swellmomma

swellmomma

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Wow! We can get a family membership to the gym (YMCA) for $75/month. It's cheaper if you earn less $ but the most is $75 for a family. Childcare at the Y is free. That's why I didn't think the gym was a big deal. And it really can be a stress reducer, working out, that is. Only you can determine how to handle this but you'll get all sorts of opinions since you posted here. Unfortunately, even if it's not right, compliance is the quickest way to get rid of the problem. Especially if she can really stop the move.

 

We used to have a family membership at the Y. It cost me around that $75 per month which works out to $900/year. And that was the lowered rate because I am low income. I had to have the kids be members to get the discounted childcare fees which were $3.50 PER CHILD per hour. Child care at our Y is not free at all unfortunately. While I agree working out can help reduce stress if I am using the money for the move or taking food from the kids mouths to pay for it, it causes more stress it does not relieve it. I do have a leisure access pass which gets me into city run gyms for free but they do not offer childcare so then I have to hire someone myself. I can not hire a teen because they could not deal with the kids, so I would have to hire an adult and that costs more. It's just very frustrating, because the whole thing is making me feel trapped. I have to either toss away the kids educations (and risk my ds getting suicidal again), decide not to move which means we continue to live next door to a murderer, a stalker and a gang dealing drugs to use the money for the gym and childcare expenses, or reduce our already small grocery budget and start skipping meals in order to pay for all of this. It's not right to be forced to make those decisions when being told they have no concerns about the children's safety/welfare.

 

It took us 2 YEARS to overcome the effects the ps on the kids and that was only for K-2 for ds and K-1 for dd. It would only be worse now that they are tweens and the peer pressure is much higher, the expectations are much higher etc.

 

No matter what they are forcing me to put my kids in an unsafe situation which then would give them more ammo against me.

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LittleIzumi

LittleIzumi

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She asked me to sign a form to talk to the school board about the kids. I was able to put specifically what they could say, but one of things I listed was for them to explain the legalities of homeschooling in Alberta, particularily with the way I am registered(since technically I am seen as a p/t ps-er).

 

HSLDA would not touch it now because it is already happening, but they would not have let me join before all of this because like I mentioned I am seen as a p/t ps-er not a full homeschooler.

 

I am not feeling particularily strong right now. Between the stuff that happened with my folks 2 weeks ago, my sister laughing about this whole thing, the stress of the SW and her demand's, plus trying to save the money to move, the guy next door that confessed a murder to me, Ds's stalker coming around again last week making threats and video taping him, the pervert in the area that tried to take 3 teen girls the other day, the gang running their drugs on my corner, school (mine and the kids), I am running the science fair, volunteering at their fine arts program(though last night I did the supervisors job because she sat nearly catatonic all night because her wallet was stolen during the day-including organizing staff, talking to parents, discipling kids where necessary etc). Running the kids in every direction to extra currics and of course spending 3-5 hours a day cleaning my house so it will be above reproach. Oh yes and of course the selling and tossing of 90% of my belongings and packing the rest. I am so flipping done. I am not sleeping(maybe 4 hours of interupted sleep a night), my diet is horrid (I am comfort eater), my antidepressants make me nauseous. I am not feeling strong at all, I am feeling very run down and weak right now and just want this all to be over with.

 

I am done being a part of my extended family, I am so over those toxic relationships. I am so done dealing with the SW and her BS. I am done dealing with the violence, and perverts and drugs in my neighborhood.

 

I feel like I am being forced to sacrifice my children and claim it is for the sake of my children kwim. If I put the olders in school, I know it will set them back hugely, especially ds. I know that to do that would be the same as giving up on them. But if I don't I have this looming over my head. It isn't right. My children are not being abused or neglected. THey are not living in squalor, they are being educated. CPS should not be allowed to put their nose in a families personal decisions for their children when those decisions are not posing an actual issue to the child(ren)'s safety and well-being.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

i would DEFINITELY start moving up the food chain as fast as you can as soon as the offices open on Monday morning!!

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WishboneDawn

WishboneDawn

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I don't know if MP means medical practioner on not but if it does I agree. It may help to have your doctor state that she is unneccessarily aggravating your depression and that the demands are creating extra stress that is in no way helpful.

 

Sorry, Canuck-speak. MP is Member of Parliment. Although I was actually thinking MLA, Member of Legislative Assembly because this would be a provincial matter and he/she would be the one who could look into it. Both stand for her riding's reps. in provincial and federal government.

 

But you suggestion about the doctor is excellent. If the social worker is demanding visits to psychologists and gym memberships and such it would be great to have a doctor on your side saying, "that's bull."

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