Have you ever gone on strike? I mean a "mom-strike."

[msjones]

Have you ever decided to just STOP picking up after others or reminding/requiring them to pick up after themselves?

 

What was the result?

 

Did anyone (other than you) mind the mess? Did they have trouble finding things?

 

Did they all have sudden epiphanies, as in, "Ah ha! Life is better if I put things away! My mom is RIGHT! It sure is a pain to have to look for every little thing...I think I'll start putting things away without being told over and over and over and over and over."

 

My friend says the rest of my family could outlast me in a strike for weeks. She thinks there's no way it would 'work.'

 

I still kinda want to try it. But, I wonder if any of you have gone before me. So, humor me and share your strike experience, if you have one. Or at LEAST tell me I'm not the only one tempted to do this!

[Stacia]

I remember my mom doing the 'mom-strike' thing a couple of times when I was a kid.

 

Uh.... as far as I remember, I don't think it worked for her. I don't think my sis, dad, & I changed our ways.

 

But, she did get a few days off in the meantime, while trying to wait us out. ;)

[Sputterduck]

My mom used to threaten to do it. The threats didn't work. I'm 29 and just now learning to put my stuff away. :p

 

It's simple in my house. If you leave your stuff lying around I confiscate it.

[Senorita Tuna Fish]

The epiphanies don't happen until they've gone on to their own families. Believe me I know..That's what happened to me and my Mom. But really though, I've tried it and it's always a thought in my mind that I want to just stop cause no one cares if i do it or not and my kids are little so trust me they really don't.....but then I think about the compound interest. All the mess that then creates it's own mess that I'll have to clean up when I realize that it's pointless. I had to just get this message form my Mom and a few of my girlfriends....It's not really for my family that I do the things that I do....The things I do are for Gods glory and that alone the risidual benefits are just a bonus. Teaching my children that to do what your supposed to do even if no one cares or is watching is another reason to do what you have to do....I don't know...I just chose to not focus on what's not being done by other people and do what I have to do and it made my life a whole lot eaiser. Pray about the rest because the truth is you can't change or fix anyone even your kids. The best way is to do it by example. And believe me it's not easy it a losson that I keep having to learn over and over and over starting over and over everyday!!!!

 

Hope that helps?:001_smile:

[Chelle in MO]

I haven't gone on strike because I wouldn't be able to tolerate the mess in the meantime, but I have made one child follow me around almost all day doing what I would do. He was 10 or 11, I guess, and having one of those "I have too many chores" days that involve much wailing and gnashing of teeth (on his part!).

 

I had him do A LOT over a few hours--normal stuff that I'd be doing anyway like laundry, dishes, etc., and he soon learned to appreciate how LITTLE he did and how MUCH I did! He even said, "Wow, Mom. I had no idea you did all this!" 'Course he coulda been playing me just a little with that comment! ;)

 

He did straighten up and I haven't had to do that since, nor have I had to use that on his younger brothers!

 

Maybe if you take the offender(s) around the house with you picking up stuff when you notice it (even if, maybe especially if, it's an inconvenient time for them), they'll get the idea. I've called kids in from things like backyard baseball to put away their stuff.

 

They'll never be perfect, but I'm convinced they'll improve!

 

Good luck!

 

Chelle

[Melissa in Australia]

my mum tried this a few times and it was a failure. she then tried the rake . it works wonders.

rake technique is this. she goes into a bedroom with a rake, she then raked up everything on the floor. we had 1 minute to tidy it up, and then everything went into a garbage bag. she then warned us that next time she used the rake, there would be no minute warning. we had clean rooms for ever after.

[Joker]

Same here with my mom trying it. I remember she quit when she found out we were only washing the one or two items we needed to wear that day. The water bill went way up. I didn't start picking up after myself until I had my own apartment. I wish my parents had made me pick up after myself but I was able to learn in a short period of time on my own.

[OrganicAnn]

It always seemed too passive aggressive for me. I remember my mom talking about trying it, but she never would. I think it appeals to moms because it is seems like it would be easier than actually following through on holding kids accountable for chores.

 

I do think going on a trip or having a few days away from home and allowing kids/DH to do many of the things that you do, is a good thing.

 

I think training kids to do each task (age appropriate) and hold kids accountable to chores that are assigned to them is more effective in the long run.

[LibraryLover]

What I want to do is go on a chauffeur strike. lol Although what good would it do as kids can't drive. Dang.

[Cera]

Never a mom strike (mine are only 5 and 3) but a wife strike. I left the kids with my husband and stayed in a hotel about 20 minutes away from Friday evening until Sunday evening. I didn't do any special prep for him and he was completely overwhelmed. I can't say he changed completely but he is much more appreciative and open to helping out plus I got two nights of uninterrupted sleep, a hot stone massage and a chance to unwind.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Well, I've never gone on a total strike, but I have done "experiments" to see if anyone (dh) would ever put on a new roll of toilet paper, open a new bar of soap for the shower, empty an overflowing wastebasket, etc. He does eventually replace the toilet paper, but I don't know what he was using to wash himself in the shower for 3 months- probably shampoo. :glare:

 

We have taken a large, black garbage bag into the boys room and "thrown away" all the stuff they wouldn't clean up after being warned several times. Now, I just have to threaten it, and miraculously, the room is picked up.

[angela in ohio]

It always seemed too passive aggressive for me. I remember my mom talking about trying it, but she never would. I think it appeals to moms because it is seems like it would be easier than actually following through on holding kids accountable for chores... I think training kids to do each task (age appropriate) and hold kids accountable to chores that are assigned to them is more effective in the long run.

 

(If you want a solution-type response...) I agree. It is hard work to train dc to be responsible adults, and it is definitely temptimg to think there is a "quick fix" by going on strike. When I start feeling overwhelmed like this, I try to step back and see what fault I have in it and what I can do to fix it. Usually, I have not been consistent with dc.

 

(If you want commiseration...) It's very tempting. I have done little things like a PP said: leave dh's socks pile up next to the chair until they were all there, see how long it would be before anyone put TP on the roll, etc. :D

[CookieMonster]

Workers on an assembly line can strike and have it work because when they do no product is being made. The boss' bottom line is immediately affected.

 

If you strike, by just quitting doing anything, no one will notice. Really.

 

Thinking back to when I was a child, I recall that I just didn't understand all the things my mom, and then stepmom, did around the house. I never paid attention. My guess is that your kids don't really pay attention to how much you're doing and when you're doing it.

 

So if you want your 'strike' to be effective, I think you have to couple it with some sort of consequence. Throwing things away, denial of privileges, extra chores, being awakened at night to complete unfinished chores, something. Of course, be sure to let everyone know the new code of conduct before you go enforcing it.

[KidsHappen]

Yes, the mom strike is just guaranteed to drive you crazy. The family will not even notice because to tell you the truth the ones that care are already pitching in and the ones that don't won't even notice. When we ran out of clean dishes my kids were resorted to washing the one dish they needed or using disposables. According to them clothes only need to be washed are the ones that have been covered in food, blood or mud. And they are perfectly capable of feeding themselves from the pantry for quite awhile although they will complain about that. Otherwise, they don't notice nor do they care. As a matter of fact, they are quite happy that mom has given up the harping for awhile. The accumulating mess is enough to drive me insane though.

[TammyinTN]

Have you ever decided to just STOP picking up after others or reminding/requiring them to pick up after themselves?

 

What was the result?

 

Did anyone (other than you) mind the mess? Did they have trouble finding things?

 

Did they all have sudden epiphanies, as in, "Ah ha! Life is better if I put things away! My mom is RIGHT! It sure is a pain to have to look for every little thing...I think I'll start putting things away without being told over and over and over and over and over."

 

My friend says the rest of my family could outlast me in a strike for weeks. She thinks there's no way it would 'work.'

 

I still kinda want to try it. But, I wonder if any of you have gone before me. So, humor me and share your strike experience, if you have one. Or at LEAST tell me I'm not the only one tempted to do this!

 

 

I think the best thing to do is to retrain them. If things go off the track here it's my fault for not speaking up and doing something about it. So, I have a tight schedule everyday. At bedtime everything is in it's place and very tidy. The kids help me out a great deal and have their own jobs to do. Our little apartment would be a wreck in no time if we didn't live this way. Also if I ask the 11 year old to put something away a few times and he doesn't I simple put it up for awhile--usually a month. If it's important he doesn't forget to put it away but once and if it's not I take it to the recycle center for someone else to have. I think the best thing to do is to train them to do what you want by teaching them and making them accountable for it.

[msjones]

my mum tried this a few times and it was a failure. she then tried the rake . it works wonders.

rake technique is this. she goes into a bedroom with a rake, she then raked up everything on the floor. we had 1 minute to tidy it up, and then everything went into a garbage bag. she then warned us that next time she used the rake, there would be no minute warning. we had clean rooms for ever after.

 

This is GOOD! :lol:

We just may be discussing this at this morning's meeting.

[msjones]

Same here with my mom trying it. I remember she quit when she found out we were only washing the one or two items we needed to wear that day. The water bill went way up. I didn't start picking up after myself until I had my own apartment. I wish my parents had made me pick up after myself but I was able to learn in a short period of time on my own.

 

I do make them pick up after themselves; I don't do it for them.

 

What I'm sooo tired of is the INCESSANT need to remind them. How many times does the same person need to be reminded to put shoes in a closet rather than dumping them on the floor?! Hundreds? Thousands?

[msjones]

Never a mom strike (mine are only 5 and 3) but a wife strike. I left the kids with my husband and stayed in a hotel about 20 minutes away from Friday evening until Sunday evening. I didn't do any special prep for him and he was completely overwhelmed. I can't say he changed completely but he is much more appreciative and open to helping out plus I got two nights of uninterrupted sleep, a hot stone massage and a chance to unwind.

 

I always wanted to do that when my kiddos were littler, but never did.

Was your husband angry? Or understanding?

[1bassoon]

How many times does the same person need to be reminded to put shoes in a closet rather than dumping them on the floor?! Hundreds? Thousands?

 

I vote millions :D

[msjones]

Well, I've never gone on a total strike, but I have done "experiments" to see if anyone (dh) would ever put on a new roll of toilet paper, open a new bar of soap for the shower, empty an overflowing wastebasket, etc. He does eventually replace the toilet paper, but I don't know what he was using to wash himself in the shower for 3 months- probably shampoo. :glare:

 

We have taken a large, black garbage bag into the boys room and "thrown away" all the stuff they wouldn't clean up after being warned several times. Now, I just have to threaten it, and miraculously, the room is picked up.

 

I've done the garbage bag thing in the past, but not recently. Maybe I need to renew that technique....it did work.

[stripe]

Maybe you need to rethink how the house is arranged, and find a way for all members of the household to claim ownership of a) their things and b) the condition of the house. I don't think telling other people how to organize their things is necessarily the best way to instill cooperation or teach them organizational skills. I'm not saying it's useless, but at some point, the attitude is that they are keeping (or not) your house clean, when really it's everyone's house. Discuss with them the concerns you have, and see what ideas they have. Sometimes they have remarkably good insights.

 

Children who reach the age of, say, 15 years old and the idea of cleanliness is a revelation to them, I am rather surprised that this is put on them as their fault!

[AmyP]

I've been thinking about this lately. It's good to hear how it (hasn't) worked for others. I guess I'll keep thinking.

 

I was never taught to pick up after myself, so I know that's why I struggle with teaching my kids to do it. My husband will pick up/clean, but his standards are way lower than mine.

 

Besides the fact that I just HATE to clean, I'm coming to realize I've taken on a lot and there just isn't time to do it all. I think I'm just going to have to let some things go.

 

Now, the hard part for me will be going from knowing it in my head and actually letting some things go.

 

Amy

[hornblower]

What I'm sooo tired of is the INCESSANT need to remind them. How many times does the same person need to be reminded to put shoes in a closet rather than dumping them on the floor?! Hundreds? Thousands?

 

Let's see, you have 2 boys, 8 & 10.

 

THOUSANDS.

 

:D

[msjones]

I think the best thing to do is to retrain them. If things go off the track here it's my fault for not speaking up and doing something about it. So, I have a tight schedule everyday. At bedtime everything is in it's place and very tidy. The kids help me out a great deal and have their own jobs to do. Our little apartment would be a wreck in no time if we didn't live this way. Also if I ask the 11 year old to put something away a few times and he doesn't I simple put it up for awhile--usually a month. If it's important he doesn't forget to put it away but once and if it's not I take it to the recycle center for someone else to have. I think the best thing to do is to train them to do what you want by teaching them and making them accountable for it.

 

I do most of this. Our place is tiny and tidy, too. They have a daily chore chart. I have a whole secret shelf in the garage where I put the confiscated items. Their closets are well-organized and easy to keep clean. It's just that it's all dependent on ME reminding.

 

The truth is probably that I just need to keep this up for another 10-12 years. I just wish the teaching/training/reminding would work sooner -- like by this afternoon.

[Tiff in TX]

He does eventually replace the toilet paper, but I don't know what he was using to wash himself in the shower for 3 months- probably shampoo. :glare:

 

 

 

:lol:

 

At least he is still bathing :D

 

DH handed me a check that his mom had sent him as a gift and he hands it to me and tells me I can go ahead and rip it up and throw it away:001_huh:

Seriously:confused:... I asked him why he just didn't do it himself to which he replies "I'll do it later" and then he sticks it back up on the fridge where it had been for the past 4 months

Sometimes I just don't understand him:tongue_smilie:

 

*Side note, his mom doesn't have much money so neither of us had any intention of cashing the check*

[OneRoomSchoolHouse]

I was an extreme neat freak. I say "was" because my husband and kids have been determined to teach me know much fun it is to be messy. Now that I am a stay at home mom, I don't have any problems picking up after my dh. It's my oldest that drives me crazy!! We are exact opposites and I have to ask millions of times to have everyday chores completed and things picked up. My solution was to take out all toys, games, etc from the bedrooms which just leaves the clothes and bedding to be picked up. I don't expect a 2 and 3 year old to really pick up around the house, although I do have a one toy at a time policy which does help cut down on the clutter. I'll be listening for other ideas!

[CalicoKat]

Nope, won't get the results you want.

 

You need a Mom CIVIL WAR!

 

You'll need a fresh box of huge garbage bags. While they're doing their thing and ignoring you as usual walk around with said garbage bags and fill'em up with the crap on the floor.

 

Toss the bags out in front of the garage so they don't rummage through them after they figure out what's up.

 

THEN.......

 

Walk into their bedroom and do the same.

 

THEN .....

 

Be brutal with your laundry. Reduce, recycle, and throw things out that need it.

 

Meanwhile . . .

 

Feed them PB&J sandwiches until they finally notice and then keep on feeding it to them til they start to offer to do dishes, cleanup voluntarily, and put their laundry (clean or dirty) where it's supposed to be.

 

You don't have time to do it all. Some where it's gotta give. PB&J's are quick, clean, cheap and well......boring. And throwing things out really lightens the load. Truly, they've never missed the stuff that's gone. 4 garbage bags full.

 

I did this a month or so ago and the affects are still pleasing to me and although they're still eating PB&J's some minor progress has been made. There's less to clean up! I figure a couple more weeks. I'm hearing some rumbling around lunch time. :tongue_smilie:

[hornblower]

It's just that it's all dependent on ME reminding.

 

The truth is probably that I just need to keep this up for another 10-12 years. I just wish the teaching/training/reminding would work sooner -- like by this afternoon.

 

When my kids got their mp3's, we discovered they have a voice record function. I'm only half jokingly threatening to record my nagging voice reminding them to 'pick up...' 'put away...' 'don't forget to ....'

 

It's the same stuff day in, day out so I wonder whether I couldn't just do that & then say go listen to the recording!

 

Seriously, I hear you. I'm really struggling with getting my kids to a point where they can walk into a room & actually look at what needs to be done in it & just do it without me pointing out every little thing.

 

It doesn't help that the more stressed I am, the more clutter bugs me, the less patient I am about explaining what needs doing and how, the more resentful I get about me doing it all, and then I get guilty and more stressed, blah blah blah .....

[swellmomma]

Yes, my house became a pig sty and took weeks to get back in order. We ate a lot canned spups because the kids could make that on their own. In the end it just made for cranky kids, a crankier mom and more work than I started with.

 

When I did it back in my married days it went better, and my exh did step up a little bit, and it forced my mil out of our house (she was so verbally abusive to me and slanderous when she lived there and he believed every word she said until I went on that strike and he could see what I really did in a day). At the time of that strike, I had a newborn preemie at home, was pregnant with our second (I got pg when 1st was 5 weeks old) with a very high risk pregnancy. I was supposed to be on partial bedrest from the start of the pregnancy but instead worked my butt off tending to the needs of our son, the house, my mil, making sure everything would be perfect for when my husband got home, tending to his needs when he was etc. When I went on strike, I climbed into bed with the baby, and only got out to change him, make a bottle, make my own food and use the bathroom. We stayed in that bed for almost 10 days and it was heavenly. MIL and exh learned to step up and take care of themselves and acknowledge all that I was doing for the family.

[MamaSheep]

Not intentionally, but this past spring I was really sick with a lingering flu followed by bronchitis/pneumonia and some asthma issues. I wasn't much good for anything for about 6 weeks. Dh (who fortunately works at home) did his best to pick up the slack, but that mostly meant buying and cooking "quick fix" food (nobody wanted cold cereal for a long time afterward...lol) and doing the occasional load of laundry so people at least had clean undies. He did do a great job keeping on top of the dishes, but pretty much everything else went completely to pot. There are still patches I haven't quite gotten mucked out yet.

 

I will say, though, that at my house there do seem to have been some epiphanies. The kids are now much more willing to clean up the family room when I tell them to, and no longer complain when I ask them to empty the dishwasher or sort their laundry. My daughter has even asked me to teach her how to clean bathrooms (I'm not sure I want her using the heavy duty stuff in there yet, she's still pretty little, but she's getting really good about wiping out sinks every day). I also get a lot more expressions of appreciation for what I do--especially the cooking. My son has even said to me, "Mom, I don't like this food you made, but thanks for making it anyway. Most of the food you make is really good," which cracked me up. And dh has even been more willing to pitch in with the housework than he used to be too, now that he has a greater appreciation for how much of it there actually is to do, and how much time has to go into homeschooling as well. They did NOT like how things got when Mom was down and out. I wonder if there is a difference in epiphany factor when Mom CAN'T do what she usually does as opposed to when she WON'T do it because she's on strike? Or maybe this is just yet another way in which my kids are abnormal...?

[Miss Peregrine]

I have never gone on strike but I "fine-tune" things every now and then.

 

DH throwing his clothes on the floor next to the hamper? I told him I would wash only the clothes that are in the hamper. Worked!

 

If you put your socks into the dirty clothes in little ball or inside out, that's how you'll get them back. Dh did not like this at all. But , sorry, I am not sticking my hand inside anyone's sock.

[AuntPol]

DIdn't work here. Noone cares. If DH runs out of clean clothes, he will simply spend money we don't have to buy more. If I don't cook, he will simply spend money we don't have to eat out.

 

IN the end, we are broke. The house is a complete disaster and I have double the work today and the only one hurting is me.

[Impish]

I go on strike twice a year. Mother's Day and my birthday. I don't cook, clean, etc. Of course, I can't think of any other job that you get a whopping two days off a year :glare:

[Desert Rat]

Oh, I've done that. The house was awful, the dishes were out of control. I went 3 days. 3 days! Then I had to spend 3 times the the amount of time I normally would spend getting it all back together.

It didn't work. I just made myself unhappy and crazy.

[RoughCollie]

IN the end, we are broke. The house is a complete disaster and I have double the work today and the only one hurting is me.

 

Same here.

[tricia]

Oh yes. 11 years ago my twins were about 8 months. I had 9 children at them time and one day I nursed them both full, jumped in the van leaving my 15yo daughter in charge and left for the whole day. That was it and when my husband came home he was LIVID! So this is what we do now, just leave when things get tough, he said.

 

I basically said, yep, at least today it was.

[Aurelia]

I heard of one technique that I would be tempted to try if things got bad. One mom had a ~12 year old son that "forgot" to do any kind of chores (like not leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor) or homework, etc and would spend all his free time playing games. She decided that since he couldn't remember to put away his clothes he could have 6 plain T-shirts, 6 pairs of jeans, 1 dress shirt and pair of dress pants, 1 pair of shoes and enough socks and underwear to get through a week. She boxed everything else (including all his posters/pictures, toys and games), stripped his bed down to the sheets, a single blanket and a single pillow and told him he had to earn his stuff back by doing his homework and assigned chores. She said it took 6 months to get his stuff back, but his homework is always done on time and he's much neater now!

[elise1mds]

I don't do "strike," but I just flat do not do certain things. Their toys must be picked up by suppertime. They can eat when their rooms are clean. My kids love to eat, so they are motivated. If they miss dinner (I give the plenty of time to get cleaned up beforehand) and still are neglecting their toys, I bag them up and they go in my room for a week. Then they have another chance to put them away. If they still get left out, they're trash/Goodwill. I do not do laundry that isn't in the hamper. I don't do laundry that is inside out or wash pants that still have belts in the loops. Dh is the biggest offender of this, and sometimes he does wind up doing his own laundry because of it. He did a load on Monday. I had to pull it out of the dryer to do another load and left it there - it has yet to be put away. I have quit cleaning 'his' tables. Once in a while, if we have company coming over, I'll take everything off 'his' tables and dump it all on his side of the bed. My kids are a lot better than DH about things. They just have a lot of little chores. I also don't want them being like me and having to figure it all out as adults (though they will probably have to do that, anyway).

[CalicoKat]

I heard of one technique that I would be tempted to try if things got bad. One mom had a ~12 year old son that "forgot" to do any kind of chores (like not leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor) or homework, etc and would spend all his free time playing games. She decided that since he couldn't remember to put away his clothes he could have 6 plain T-shirts, 6 pairs of jeans, 1 dress shirt and pair of dress pants, 1 pair of shoes and enough socks and underwear to get through a week. She boxed everything else (including all his posters/pictures, toys and games), stripped his bed down to the sheets, a single blanket and a single pillow and told him he had to earn his stuff back by doing his homework and assigned chores. She said it took 6 months to get his stuff back, but his homework is always done on time and he's much neater now!

now that's what I'm talking about! Go MOM! :auto:

[AuntieM]

What I want to do is go on a chauffeur strike. lol Although what good would it do as kids can't drive. Dang.

 

No doubt!

 

Remember that thread on luxuries a while back? At the time I said I'd want an unlimited grocery budget, and while that's still nice, I do think that what I'd really most benefit from is a full-time chauffeur!

 

But I guess that's still not in the "small" luxury category.

[BikeBookBread]

I did this only one time. I was really angry (so my motivation was probably waaaay off) because my girls had complained about every meal I had prepared for the past few days. I just didn't make dinner (dh was working late that night, and normally fends for himself on days like that). They were crying and crying and crying for dinner. It seemed like an eternity (it was an hour late) to them, but I finally made them some dinner and they devoured it. It was an ugly manipulative thing to do looking back (because my attitude was SO rotten and ugly).

[Ginevra]

My SIL went on a dinner strike for a couple of months. As far as I could tell, no good came of it. Feeling unappreciated was the motivation, but it seemed to just raise the nagging and whining and make the grocery bill increase by buying fix-it-yourself food.

[Melissa in Australia]

I heard of one technique that I would be tempted to try if things got bad. One mom had a ~12 year old son that "forgot" to do any kind of chores (like not leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor) or homework, etc and would spend all his free time playing games. She decided that since he couldn't remember to put away his clothes he could have 6 plain T-shirts, 6 pairs of jeans, 1 dress shirt and pair of dress pants, 1 pair of shoes and enough socks and underwear to get through a week. She boxed everything else (including all his posters/pictures, toys and games), stripped his bed down to the sheets, a single blanket and a single pillow and told him he had to earn his stuff back by doing his homework and assigned chores. She said it took 6 months to get his stuff back, but his homework is always done on time and he's much neater now!

I find this interesting. I think children can end up with too much 'stuff' and it becomes overwhelming.

my children have 4 changes of clothes, one on the line, one in the wash one in the cupboard, and one on. it really helps keep their room tidy.

they aren't big on toys either. and another thing I have found helpful is to give them shelves instead of a toy box. things can be arranged so nicely on shelves.

[Peela]

I have been on a cooking strike for a while recently.

I was tired of all the fussiness, especially from dh!

My kids are teens, my dh works from home....all can survive without me.

I had threatened to do it for years....I actually did it and made myself yummy food and left everyone else to fend for themselves.

It worked. The teens became more resourceful and made themselves reasonably decent meals- and enjoyed doing it. Dh grumbled and pulled faces but made himself edible food.

After a while, I asked if anyone wanted ot share the meal I was making for myself. They were all much more willing to compromise and eat decent food, rather than complain.

Now that I have done it...uit has changed the general attitude, and although I have gone back to doing more of the cooking, I know if I feel resentful again, I can easily stop.

 

As for cleaning...the FLylady helped me there.

I put the timer on with the kids and we clean together...or I give them specific jobs. "Tidy your room" or "tidy the schoolroom" are too general orders, even for my teens. Better off giving specific instructions.

 

Although it is frustrating...it seems to be a natural part of childhood to be messy. I think its partly because our generation has so much stuff...its not easy to keep it all ordered.

If I was to start again with little kids, I think I would train them to put things away, much more strictly, from a young age.

 

I do think it's important to find a way to deal with teh whole issue that doenst leave you resentful, because I think that has a negative impact on the tone of the whole family. It is only "things"...not as important as relationships.

[phathui5]

I haven't gone on strike because I wouldn't be able to tolerate the mess in the meantime,

 

Me either. Plus, the stuff I'd have to clean up when I gave up and started working again would be overwhelming.

[amygabrielle]

There's a Berenstien Book where mother bear stops cleaning and goes on 'strike'. After a few days, brother, sister and father bear get fed up and clean up. Wish things were that easy.

[sleepymommy]

I've done the mom strike- doesn't work. Ended up with a pile of dishes, a messy house and dirty kids.

 

I've done the cooking strike (sort of), doesn't work either. Dh loves to eat out so it didn't faze him a bit. Meanwhile, ds1 has all kinds of food issues so there is much for him to eat unless its homemade.

 

Alas, I'm back to the nagging and constant repititions. I'm always complaining about how I hate sounding like a broken record. But that, too, doesn't faze them.

 

The one and only thing thus far that has changed is ever since dh got his iphone, he set's the alarm to remind him to take out the trash the night before trash day. He has still forgotten a couple of times and I've still had to remind couple of times, but not as often as before. One caveat, he only put 'take out trash' on his reminder, so I still have to tell him to take the recycling out with it, he forgets and says, 'oh well I forgot b/c my alarm only says trash" And, no, he won't change it. :banghead:

 

But that's just him, I love him anyway, my absent minded dh.

[Denisemomof4]

no, I haven't gone on strike because our house is all open concept and I didn't want to look at the mess all day. What I did that worked like a charm was to take EVERYONE'S belongings that were scattered downstairs and I threw them all outside on our deck. There was a HUGE pile. When the kids got home I had them go get everything. Well, they were horrified when they went out! A swarm of flying ants were completely covering all their junk! I couldn't have planned it better had I tried. :D so I told them to shake everything out REAL GOOD before bringing their stuff back inside the house.

 

It got GREAT results! We have a few things laying around but for the most part, no more. And NO - I had NOTHING to do with those swarming ants. :001_smile:

 

Can you place everything outside? If it's going to rain, place it all in a HUGE construction trash bag. They can sort it all out themselves. Give them a deadline to do it by and what's left can be thrown away. Don't open it up, you may want to keep something!

[Frontier Mom]

No but the idea is tempting. We used to have the "toy monster" at our house that ate all the toys left out. It was really a big rubbermaid box and anything left out after rooms were to be cleaned were confiscated for a week. Well, the time my ds got his favorite stuffed animal he slept with put in the toy monster, he was terrified and started cleaning up all the time.

 

Flash forward a few year. Now, I inspect all rooms and bathrooms before they can go to anyone's house or anyone can come over. Since their friends usually call to play a couple of times per week, I use this as incentive to keep things tidy.

 

I find mine work best when I hold them accountable. When I slack off at checking on whether they did what I ask, the house goes downhill fast.

[stripe]

I remember being a kid too well to do anything that screams "scary mom." And some of those scenarios sound pretty desperate/immature to me. There has to be a better way!

 

Also the assumption is that someone will not get sick or whatever from those wild actions, and that's not always the case.