What age do you let your children stay home alone? (spin-off question)

[Mrs. H.]

I noticed several people say they let their logic stage child stay home while they ran errands and such, in response to Laura in China's question.

 

I was wondering what the average age is for staying home alone? I was 10 when I became a 'latch-key' kid, coming home after school and staying by myself, but we lived in the subburbs, with lots of neighbors, and my granparents lived across the street and worked five minutes away.

 

I would never leave my 10 yr. old dd home alone, even though she is very responsible and would complete all school work I left. We live out in the country, and just a trip to the local grocery store takes 15-20 min., so serious errand running takes two hours at least around here, and that just feels like too long to leave a child her age, with no neighbors around to call if there were an emergency. Maybe it's a city/country thing? Not judging, just curious.

[Danestress]

Maybe it's a city/country thing? Not judging, just curious.

 

 

Yeah, I think that's part of it. Of course, most logic age children are older than 10 anyway. I think logic is more the 10/11 - 13/14 age group.

 

But I do think some of it is location too. I have great neighbors who know my children well. We watch out for each other and my children have several of their phone numbers memorized. I have parents 1 mile away. I can get to the grocery in less than 5 minutes. So it's probably easier for me to run an errand or two than for you to.

 

I will leave my 10 year olds for half an hour - to run one to a sports practice or to run over to my parents for something, or to walk the dog. I personally wouldn't leave a child that age for 2 hours.

[Holly IN]

I live in the middle of nowhere. So it is not really a city/country thing. A friend of mine lives smack in the middle of the city where our co-op is, she refuses to leave her kids home alone and they are of age to do so. So it really is a preference of the parents whether they will leave their child home or not.

 

It also depends on the child too.

 

If you are not comfortable in doing that then don't. If you are then make sure you have a code and a plan in place for issues that come up.

 

We do have nieghbors but they are not always home though. We only have 4 that we know. My oldest has his grandparents phone number (they do not live too far from us) if he runs into a problem.

 

Holly

[mrscopterdoc]

Here on a military post you can't leave your kids alone unless they are 12 and older. I started leaving dd alone when she was 11 for just an hour or two at most, once in awhile [even though I wasn't suppossed to!:D]

 

Now that she is 13, I hardly think twice about leaving her alone. I don't leave her alone at night though.

[Friederike in Persia]

But my oldest is very responsible and I've been leaving her alone for shortish periods since she's 6:eek:

Dh says if I do this in the UK they'll send the Social Service after us. In Germany it's common, my sisters left theirs even younger. A wonder the race is still alive:p

[Hoggirl]

nt

[Elisabeth in IL]

Normally I don't leave my children alone 10, 8 and 3 but I left my 8 year old alone for 20 min for the first time the other day (the 3 year old came with me of course). He just didn't want to go with me to pick up his brother so it was easier to leave him for those 20 minutes. I didn't worry about the question...What if something happened to me?...because my dh was on his way home from work. :D He arrived home 5 minutes after we returned.

[Laura Corin]

We started this year - Calvin is eleven. He's extremely responsible. I doubt if Hobbes will be ready at that age.

 

Laura

[MJN]

them get comfortable with it that short time through the year and then leave them for longer periods of time. I'm not real comfortable leaving the two younger ones at home at night when big sister isn't there though. They aren't either, so that's fine with me. My 10 yos is thrilled to be able to stay home and not go SHOPPING with me, unless I'm going grocery shopping. He loves to do that with me and I'm thankful for the help.

 

HTH!

 

Molly

 

P.S. You might want to check the laws for your area. We're not suppose to leave ours until they are 12, unless they are with an older sibling, of course. I didn't want to raise any eyebrows, so I decided to follow the rules. :)

[Mama Lynx]

I started when my oldest was 10, and my 2nd oldest was 8 (leaving him with his brother). They are very responsible kids. They are now 12 and 10, and manage themselves very well at home. I will now leave the 6 and 7 year olds with my oldest for short periods of time - again, he's proven himself to be responsible and capable. When I was 12, I was babysitting for pay, at night.

 

I am still uncomfortable leaving my oldest at night, though.

[SparrowsNest]

Around 10 for very short periods (15-30m). My oldest is 13 and I would be comfortable leaving him for an hour or so, but probably not longer.

[lynn]

A very mature 10 year old if it's just running to the market for under 1 hour. 11 for 2 hours. 12 for 2 or more hours. Now I have a 15 year old :D My 12.5 and 8 year old can stay home with him for a couple hours or more. Not that they're bad or annoying when they come with us but they don't want to run errands any more unless it's something they getting.

[Diana in OR]

We started this year - Calvin is eleven. He's extremely responsible. I doubt if Hobbes will be ready at that age.

 

Laura

 

I thought the same when I started leaving my oldest alone at 11. I found that b/c my younger ds had been used to being left with his brother on occasion, he was more ready at that age than his brother had been. So you never know.:)

[justme]

It is very much an individual choice, based on many factors (maturity of child, other children home, your accessibility when gone, neighbors, neighborhood safety, etc...) I was an only child and was left alone for several hours at a time (even at night) starting when I was 9. For my own, I started leaving my oldest when she was about 10 3/4 for very short periods (drop another child off at a class or other short errand up to 30 minutes), and of course with no other siblings to watch. That has gradually increased, plus her sister is now of babysitting age, so they can stay home together and watch their yonger brother for several hours). Cell phones have also changed things.

 

Just an aside, I remember my grandmother saying that her parents worked on the farm all day, leaving six children 12 and under alone in the house all day. the older were expected to care for the younger ones (babies and toddlers), clean, cook and have a full supper ready for the whole family when the parents walked in (under pain of a beating if all was not in proper order!). My, how times have changed!

[Storm Bay]

Here the law is 13. My eldest, who will be 13 later this spring, is FINALLY showing signs of readiness to stay home alone, but after ds called 911 the other day when he couldn't see dh outside (he's 7 and has never been left home alone, despite what he thought), we're waiting until it's legal!!!!:rolleyes:

[Storm Bay]

But my oldest is very responsible and I've been leaving her alone for shortish periods since she's 6:eek:

Dh says if I do this in the UK they'll send the Social Service after us. In Germany it's common, my sisters left theirs even younger. A wonder the race is still alive:p

 

 

Oh, I was left home alone for short periods when I was very young like this. When I was in K there was a contractor working outside (very small place, my parents knew him and all was fine--I had the mumps or something like that). No one even locked their cars or doors there back then. My mother would run into the village (okay, drive) which was a mile away on quick trips. Aside from that first time when I was sick, I had no problems with it--I even liked the independence.

[Joanne]

I personally was left alone at 11. Starting babysitting multiple others at the same age.

 

I started leaving my oldest alone during the day for a "bit" when he was nearly 11. We've gradually evolved into longer times and at night.

 

Last night, his brother and sister were gone (on a weekend with their Dad) and he wanted to go out with us instead of stay home alone in the storm.

 

We took him. I think he got used to having his siblings near and being alone seemed.....lonely to him.

 

My dd is 11 and will ask on occassion that I leave her when we do baseball activities. I don't. She would be calling me "when are you coming home" within an hour. I would leave her for an hour or so during the day but it never really comes up.

[WTMindy]

and they are very responsible 9 & 10.5. I take the cell phone and don't go too far away but it has been so great to have that freedom when I need it. I don't go out during school hours, but in the afternoon or evening I will leave them sometimes. My friend is a CPS officer and he told me in our state there is no "minimum age."

[Joanne]

I thought I'd add from a broad observational standpoint. As a daycare provider, I noticed most people start pulling their kids from care at 11 and 12 seems to be the absolute outside age (and afterschool care here doesn't offer care for over 12).

[Doran]

We started this year - Calvin is eleven. He's extremely responsible. I doubt if Hobbes will be ready at that age.

 

Laura

 

This is where we fall. Eleven is the "legal" age here for children to be left home alone, twelve to babysit someone else's child. I'm sure I left my kids home alone for brief periods once every now and then before our oldest was eleven but always when a neighbor knew about it. Ours were so used to being in the house alone with me out on the property (10 acres) or in the garden working that leaving to go to the post office didn't seem much different. Our youngest isn't very comfortable with being left alone, even though she's eleven, so we rarely leave her here without her older sister.

 

Actually, we crossed a small milestone with this the other night. We left the girls home alone at night (oldest is 13) and by the time we returned, the youngest was in bed asleep. It made me glad that she felt "safe enough" to fall asleep even in our absence. But, I also had this keen sense of how much they are growing up at the same time.

 

Doran

[Guest Lorna]

I have popped round the corner for some milk. It is about three hundred metres. I tell them the route I have taken so that they could fetch me if they needed me. The children are twelve and a half and ten and a half. I only started doing this a month ago. I waited really until they were comfortable about it. I wouldn't leave them for more than twenty minutes. They are very trustworthy, but I think they would be frightened if they didn't know I was around if they needed me.

[Tess in the Burbs]

and I remember coming home many days before my mom got home from her part time job and being alone with my younger sister. So 5th grade and younger....I don't remember ever being alone in 3rd grade.

 

I remember b/c one day the garage door wasn't unlocked and we couldn't get in and had to go knocking on doors :eek:

 

NOW, I can't imagine my kids at 10 being allowed to be home alone unless I was just running to the store(a mile away) and right back. And until it happens...well, I can say I would at 10 maybe, but probably not, lol ;)

[angela in ohio]

16. And my oldest dd (almost 12) is about the most responsible child you'd ever meet. But I know many people that leave kids as young as 9 alone with several younger siblings. It depends on each family. I never really need to go anywhere that I can't take my dc with me, though, so it's relatively easy for us to not do it.

 

I was a latchkey kid, too. Shudder. I can't believe the things my brother and I did. And I remember a friend of mine who would bawl after her parents left until she was physically sick, out of fear, when she was 13. They never knew. And I recently knew some friends' kids to be in serious danger when left home alone. So those things color my perspective.

[Mrs. Readsalot]

Of course we both have cell phones, and I am usually only 1-3 miles from home. I try not to be gone more than an hour.

After my father died(I was almost 10) my mother often left me alone. Sometimes overnight, she was usually out with friends or a boyfriend. It was terrible and I was very scared at times. I always said I would never leave my child alone long periods of time like that and I never have.

[sdWTMer]

So, does anybody know the laws in CA?

[mcconnellboys]

I might leave my guy home after school time if I need to run to the store that's across the road from our neighborhood, so total round trip would be about 15 minutes at most. Or if I need to deliver the older one somewhere and then come right back, etc. I don't go shopping during the school day, however.....

 

Regena

[TravelingChris]

We are military and follow the lead of the local area laws. Here in Florida, afterschool care doesn't exist after age ten. So we started with very short trips of ten minutes or so. Now she is eleven and she stays at home for near doctor appointments. I do not leave her for more than about two hours and her father works only four miles away. Her fourteen and a half year old sister babysits at night if we are going out.

[Jill- OK]

...but I want to say my oldest was twelve, and thirteen when she started watching Littles alone.

 

But...she has a brother that is a little more than a year younger, and they make a good team. It's rare that one of them is truly 'alone' at home; they're usually together or babysitting. (Both are Red Cross certified; I think you have to be eleven to go through the training, and I'm betting that's how old my son was when they took it.)

[Jill- OK]

I'd by no means use that age as a rule of thumb with my other kids. They're not all cut from the same cloth, and there might be a few that are ready at a different age; it's maturity, not the number, although the number is a significant part of it.

[Brindee]

Just an aside, I remember my grandmother saying that her parents worked on the farm all day, leaving six children 12 and under alone in the house all day. the older were expected to care for the younger ones (babies and toddlers), clean, cook and have a full supper ready for the whole family when the parents walked in (under pain of a beating if all was not in proper order!). My, how times have changed!

Yes :D I remember hearing those stories too! Times have definitely changed!

 

I have always had a hard time letting mine stay home alone. Gotta let'em sometime though, so when my oldest was 13 and his brother 11, I started letting them stay home for a couple of hours alone. My dd just turned 11 and I still don't allow her to be home alone! And I still don't like my kids being home alone in the evening, and have NEVER left them home alone overnight!

[beansprouts]

Haven't read all posts...

 

In my state the law is 12 years old to be left alone, and I think this is a good minimum age. Like everything else, I will evaluate whether my child is ready when the time comes.

[Apiphobic]

I used the military base's guidelines:

 

Youth Supervision Guidelines

 

Note: The ages specified are based on the average child's ability to demonstrate age-appropriate behavior. Children who do not consistently demonstrate age-appropriate behavior should not be given the same degree of self-management responsibilities. In all instances below where a yes is indicated, the parent is responsible for using reasonable judgment and for any incident or mishap (not considered preventable), which occurs.

 

Left without sitter in quarters for two hours or less:

 

Newborn through age 4 - no

Age 5 through age 6 - no

Age 7 through age 9 - no

Age 10 through age 11 - Yes; with ready access (phone number to an adult supervisor)*/***

Age 12 through age 14 - yes

Age 15 through high school graduation - yes

 

Left without sitter in quarters for more than two hours:

 

Newborn through age 4 - no

Age 5 through age 6 - no; except at age 6 may walk to and from school

Age 7 through age 9 - no; except may walk to and from school

Age 10 through age 11 - no for 10 yr olds; 11 yr olds only with access to adult assistance for no more than 2 hours

Age 12 through age 14 - yes during daytime hours before curfew; NO after curfew

Age 15 through high school graduation - yes

 

Left alone overnight:

 

Newborn through age 4 - no

Age 5 through age 6 - no

Age 7 through age 9 - no

Age 10 through age 11 - no

Age 12 through age 14 - no, children 15 or freshmen in high school may be left alone overnight; with access to adult supervision; sponsor must be in local area.***

Age 15 through high school graduation - yes; minors age 16 and older may be left alone for short TDYs or leaves, not to exceed 5 consecutive days. These minors must have some type of adult supervision available to make periodic checks.

 

Outside unattended during daylight hours (to include playing):

 

Newborn through age 4 - no

Age 5 through age 6 - yes; playground or yard with immediate access (visual sight or hearing distance) to adult supervision***

Age 7 through age 9 - yes; with access to adult supervision***

Age 10 through age 11 - yes

Age 12 through age 14 - yes

Age 15 through high school graduation - yes

 

Left in car unattended:

 

Newborn through age 4 - no

Age 5 through age 6 - no

Age 7 through age 9 - yes; except in hot weather; keys removed and hand brake applied; 5 minutes maximum in hot weather, 15 in other weather, adult within sight

Age 10 through age 11 - yes; keys removed and hand brake applied

Age 12 through age 14 - yes

Age 15 through high school graduation - yes

 

Child sit siblings:

 

Newborn through age 4 - no

Age 5 through age 6 - no

Age 7 through age 9 - no

Age 10 through age 11 - yes for a short span of time; 11 years old or sixth grade minimum have the minimum amount of time of two (2) hours*/**

Age 12 through age 14 - yes*

Age 15 through high school graduation - yes**

 

Child sit others:

 

Newborn through age 4 - no

Age 5 through age 6 - no

Age 7 through age 9 - no

Age 10 through age 11 - no

Age 12 through age 14 - yes** 12 years of age or 7th grade minimum***

Age 15 through high school graduation - yes**

 

* Home-alone training by youth center or other source required

 

** Red Cross baby-sitting training or equivalent required

 

*** Adult supervision is defined as someone who has or assumes responsibility for the child, e.g., parent, guardian, care provider, friend

 

Curfew 2200 - 0600 Sunday through Thursday and from 2230 - 0600 on Friday, Saturday and holidays. During the curfew period, minor family members (under age 18) are not allowed away from their place of residence unless accompanied by a parent, legal guardian, or responsible adult sponsor.

 

November 2003

[Mrs Mungo]

I left my eldest home once when she was 11. She was sick and puking. Hubby was deployed, I was the Family Readiness Group leader and had a meeting to run. My next-door neighbor (whom we knew really well) was home and aware dd was there. Since she turned 12 I've left her alone now and then for a short time to give her practice and let her be comfortable with it. I don't think she's ready to babysit her siblings yet. Maybe next year.

[Ravin]

To me it depends on your individual child's comfort level and maturity. My mom left me at home alone all day in summer at age 10, though I often went to the park/city pool, or over to a friend's house, or to the library (where I'd park my bike at the print shop where she worked very close by). She told me in later years her biggest concern with me was that the house would burn down around me and I wouldn't notice because I had my nose in a book. I was quite self-sufficient and there were neighbors, etc. also keeping an eye on me and she was a 5 min. drive away.

 

My sisters, 2 1/2 yrs younger, OTOH, weren't left home without responsible (not me) supervision until they were well into their teen. Mom was rather more concerned they'd burn the house down. Different personalities and rate of maturing (plus the twin factor--two can implement a bad idea more effectively than one, at an age too young to realize it's a bad idea).

 

DD currently entertains herself quite well while I'm sleeping during the afternoon, usually. She'll be allowed to stay home alone for short periods once she's comfortable with it and I'm reasonably sure she has the sense to stay in the house and not set it on fire, plus knows how to call 911 if she does and deal with other common household issues/emergencies (what do do if someone comes to the door, or the toilet overflows, etc.).

[Danestress]

Haven't read all posts...

 

In my state the law is 12 years old to be left alone, and I think this is a good minimum age. Like everything else, I will evaluate whether my child is ready when the time comes.

 

Can you site the law? I was researching this recently and concluded that the only states with laws about leaving children alone were Illinois (which simply says that you can't leave a child under 13 for more than 14 hours - as IF) and Maryland, which has an under 8 law (and this applies to leaving them in cars, apparently).

 

Anyway, I am wondering if maybe your local DSS has a policy of investigating cases involving kids under 12? Or maybe it's a new law? Just curious - if you have specific information I would be interested.

[JFSinIL]

but we also have a big dog in the house :-) and this kid is into her martial arts. I think any intruder would be barked at by an angry dog while dd bonked them with her bo staff or num-chunks (sp/)

 

 

I am more concerend about the few times I have had to leave my 16-yr-old son with autism and general silliness home alone. he has strict orders not to answer the phone or the door or cook or anything except watch tv if I have to run out and fetch another kid from somewhere.

[Melissa in Australia]

I have left my now 14 year old home alone since he was 11. he was nearly 6 foot high then, and looked much older.

my now 11 year old goes fishing to the river nearly every day alone. a walk of about 1 km.

MelissaL

[Excelsior! Academy]

I googled wiki answers and this is what it gave me:

 

Legal Age

The age at which a child can be left at home alone is only legislated in two states, Maryland and Illinois. The legal check is whether or not the child is safe and has the ability to take care of themselves. Most authorities agree that leaving a 12 year old alone at home for an hour or two is acceptable, but they should not be responsible for other children.

[Bess]

I don't know yet with my own (oldest is 10), but I started babysitting at other people's homes when I was 11. I babysat BABIES at that age! I'm thinking when my oldest is 11 I might leave them alone for short time, but I couldn't even imagine allowing my 11 year old to babysit someone's else's baby in their home.

[Guest Dorita]

He just didn't want to go with me to pick up his brother so it was easier to leave him for those 20 minutes.

 

A similar situation occurred several months ago with my mother and younger brother. (I'm 16 and using my mother's account to post this, with her permission. :) ) I know I'm in no position to advise adults, but I'd like to offer this if I may: children (and teens and adults, for that matter!) should not be allowed to do something until they can accept a "no" without complaining. (Similarly, they shouldn't be allowed to get out of a job if they can't do it without complaining.) This sign of maturity may be a factor in determining the age at which to let children stay home alone.

 

Mrs. Elisabeth, I know your son may not have been complaining; the situation just reminded me of my tiny bit of wisdom, and I thought I'd share it! :) I hope you don't mind my forwardness.

 

In Christ,

Tiffany (daughter of Dorita, a new member)

[Antonia]

Around 10. I started off with about 15 minutes, and worked up to a few hours now that he's 12. I don't leave him for much longer than two hours because he gets bored and hungry (I don't let him eat when I'm not here!)

[Elinor Everywhere]

My 10yodd could stay home alone for a while right now, and did occasionally when we lived in Hong Kong. My 10yods is not so responsible, but he has stayed home alone for about *20 minutes* while my dd and I ran a brief errand. But leave them home alone together? No way....that's when the trouble would start!

[Peela]

Dh and I started leaving our kids alone to go for walks when they are around 6. Maybe 5 and 6 even. We have lived on the banks of a river with lovely walks. We would take a break to go for a walk together, leaving the kids in front of the tv. (Of course, usually they would come. But sometimes we would do it alone, too).

Within another couple of years we were leaving them alone to go to a movie sometimes. They had phone numbers, and they knew the neighbours. Never had a blip of a problem.

But, these are particularly grounded, sensible kids. Their older (by 5 years) half sister could never be left alone, and we wouldn't leave her alone with her siblings. She just wasnt a kid you would do that with, but we didnt have her full time either. She was Dx ADHD. I would take her to the beach, and wheras my two would naturally stay near me, she would take them off wandering, and she had no natural sense of how far was too far, or when to come back. I would have to go and get them, because she would take them out of earshot,and eyesight, completely oblivious to me. Just a very different kid.

 

I think it's a gut instinct thing, and it always felt ok when we did it. We were very conscious of what we were doing. If it didn't feel ok, we didn't do it.

[Robin Hood]

and they are very responsible 9 & 10.5. I take the cell phone and don't go too far away but it has been so great to have that freedom when I need it. I don't go out during school hours, but in the afternoon or evening I will leave them sometimes. My friend is a CPS officer and he told me in our state there is no "minimum age."

 

Kate and Bianca are both 9 and I have left them alone to drive to the drug store on 3 occasions. The store is a 5 minute walk from the house which made my excursions less than 20 minutes and I was very close by. To pile them in the car and go to the store would have lengthed my errand considerably.

[PineFarmMom]

I will leave my 12yodd under these conditions: during the day when I am in town, which is 15-20 minutes away, and going on an errand that will take no longer than 2 hours. She has been doing this since she was in the late-11yo range. If I'm going to be gone on a fairly short errand, I'll leave her younger brothers with her. I'd feel complete trust in leaving her alone with school work or chores. I know she'd get it done.

 

Teresa

[claussenpc]

My dh and I leave our 10,8 and 6 year olds at home while we walk. We sit them in front of a video and give the eldest a phone or 2-way. We are not very far away but it is good practice for them. Our main concern is that they get along and work together while we are not present.

[Donna]

I started leaving my boys home alone for a few minutes at a time at 11yo and 9yo. Now they are 12yo and 10yo and I can leave them together for most of the day. I wouldn't leave my 10yo home alone but would the 12yo and I wouldn't leave any of them home at alone at night. I don't leave my 5yo home alone with them for more than an errand like to the store a couple blocks away.

 

We have elderly neighbors who are always home and they keep an eye out for the kids and the neighbors on our other side are also usually home. They are not allowed outside when I am not at home and must keep the doors locked and only answer the phone for me or their dad. They are also not allowed to cook with the stove or oven when we are not there.

[Lynn in WI]

My boys are almost 10 and 11. I've just started letting them stay alone for 30 minutes while I'm at the neighbor's teaching a piano lesson. That's as much as I'm comfortable with. They have to stay inside and they usually have a game to play that I know will occupy them for the whole time I'm away.

[cin]

My dd will be seven in the fall, and I've toyed with leaving her at home while I run her sister to pre-school, which I can see from our house. It would be 10 minutes tops. She is very responsible, and she usually does her math and spelling during naptime, while I take my down time, so she is use to being 'alone'. If I give her textbook and a snack, she's set. Dh & I are discussing this, we haven't decided yet, for sure.

[all4ramseys@msn.com]

We started leaving ds around 10 for short trips. Now that he is 12, we can leave him for longer periods of time. I never leave him with the 6 yod, though.