To Co-Op or not to Co-Op

[Soror]

I'm considering joining a co-op for my 10 yr old. 

I've been working on planning some events with some other local moms of Dd's friends. We're aiming for twice a month. Dd says she just wants to do things with her friends. So, this seems like the ideal solution except--- I'm afraid follow-through and attendance will be spotty at best. Nearly all these other moms also work and regularly getting together hasn't been great since the pandemic.

The cons -

- it is an hour away- there is no group that regularly meets locally except (1) ones that we aren't invited to as we aren't the right kind of people (2) those with little kids - we tried

- I'm already very busy working myself it is another thing to fit into my schedule and work my client visits around (usually 3 times a week, at least 2 but I can't always get everyone's schedule to line up)

- previously they had a SoF that I was not keen on signing

-dd says she wants things with her friends not things with random hs'ers she doesn't know

- I have to teach or contribute in some way- I used to regularly do this with scouts and hs'ers but haven't since the pandemic I really dont' want to 🙂

- money- there is some cost- we can pay it with me working but not doing it allows money towards other things

- I have a LOT of new things going on-- dd1 coming home and starting in-person CC classes, dd2 trying PS for 8th, and ds going off to college for the first time- plus I'm trying to school with working. In the spring, by the time I moved on from training to my own clients we were winding down the school year (we start early). My schedule is flexible - I can do paperwork any time so that's not an issue but I also have to do client visits and getting all of my clients' schedules lined up with my own can be tricky and obviously takes time to do. 

Pros-

-regular social time for dd1- maybe she'll make new friends

-maybe I'll make new hs Mom friends?

I'm also considering seeing how outings with friends go this fall and if things don't pan out joining in the winter??? Maybe that is the best course of action. I'm going to be surprised if dd2 doesn't come home so by then I'd expect she would have it figured out. But I'm nervous about dd3 schooling at home without dd2 here for company. Dd1 will be gone have the time for classes and there is such a gap they don't really have common interests.

[KungFuPanda]

We had a great co-op experience. We didn’t join one until my youngest was ten and I think that’s a great time to start a co-op . . . anything earlier would have been unnecessary stress. 
 

We found it very valuable to have a regular structured activity to look forward to with the same people. It’s a good way to make and maintain friendships. I let my kids choose fun classes but they also had to chose academic classes that took SOMETHING off my planning plate. This neutralized the hassle for me and got me out of years of planning Science and History classes. In middle school and older a group literature class was really nice. 
 

I did have to teach a class at co-op, but the rest of the day I was free to chat with moms or do my own thing, as long as I remained on the property. When my daughter went to high school and my son continued with co-op it worked because dd could walk to school. 
 

ETA: We formed amazing friendship at co-op that often led to regular field trips on non co-op days. 

Edited August 13, 2023 by KungFuPanda

[cintinative]

We had a good experience with co-op, BUT co-op can truly be a lot of work.  We stopped going because the co-op we are in moved to be about 45 minutes away, and moved to focus more on enrichment so there weren't the academics we needed for high school to make the time away from home worthwhile. 

You have a lot of cons there, and I would say, based on all you have shared, this might not work out well for you. If you are required to teach, that is really a lot of work.  And you said you already have a job that is requiring you to juggle things.  Plus the one hour commute each way is a big deal.  Here we get bad weather at times which means your commute would be even longer.  It sounds like your daughter isn't necessarily thrilled.  So one hour commute plus less than excited daughter plus more work for you on top of your own homeschool?  That sounds like too much to me.  

ETA: What if you think about doing a "club" for your daughter and her friends at your house? Book club, crochet, sewing, art, poetry teas, board games, drama, or whatever they like?

Edited August 13, 2023 by cintinative

[regentrude]

We did not find coop a useful experience for several reasons. The academic level did not match our academic standards - it was glorified playgroup. I was working, so it was difficult to contribute. My kids did not enjoy it.

I am very much in favor of decoupling the social and the academic. My kids spent time with their friends at the weekly park day of our homeschool group and at their extracurriculars (martial arts, horseback riding, choir.)

Since you mention travel time of 1 hour: If I remember correctly, you are only half an hour away from me. Message me if you want me to connect you to our homeschool  community and activities here. I was part of the secular group that did not require a SoF.

Edited August 13, 2023 by regentrude

[Kidlit]

I am still friends with my fellow co-op moms nearly 5 years after leaving homeschooling.  We talk almost daily.  With that said, I do think the experience was probably most valuable for. . .me. 🤣. It scratched my class-creation and teaching itch. It gave me real friends.  However, my older children are still friends with their co op buddies to this day, post-high school.  My littles have been in public school so that has taken the place of their co op friends, but they still remember them, for sure. 
 

Co op was an integral part of what we did as homeschoolers socially. I gave up other things in order to be able to do it.  Given your circumstances, I might be tempted to wait out the possibility of doing things with her friends, but I think I'd only give it a limited amount of time to see if that will work.  
 

I will say that one of my most challenging periods of homeschooling was when my older kids were getting to the point that they needed peer interaction. I felt like that need trumped all others and I went all out to meet it. It is also what led us to give school a shot, honestly. 

[catz]

I didn't find a co-op particular useful until the older tween/teen years.  We did try one sooner for a couple years.  When kids are young it's more about what parents want and we found kids weren't always engaged and wanted to be there.  The older kid co-op we did do a mix of academic and "fun" classes.  But this was about the age where my kids just wanted to be out with peers more and had we not found ways to make that work, we may have transitioned to school at some point (we did consider and look at options several times).

Sometimes to get out of the house and be with peers, it was better just to join a regular activity - sports, dance, theater, music, art classes, science workshops, tumbling, etc.  Does she do any other activities?  For years we did have a weekly playgroup with set group of kids.  I felt it was nice to mix with kids we knew and mix with some other kids too.  They did meet some friends that way.  My daughter just graduated and was homeschooled throughout and her tightest group of friends at the end was a group of quirky theater friends - most attend traditional school, some do online school or some other mixed path.  

I used to be tight with a group of homeschooling moms and covid just made everything fall apart.  I worked hard to keep in touch with some but it I let it go when it was clear it was one sided.  There are a few I do engage with occasasionlly.  But I have to say, that community has been a disappointment to me.  

[Katy]

It sounds like the no’s are higher than the yes’s for this one. 

Maybe you could pick an ODD number of DD’s friends, survey when the best time/highest needs are, and have them come to your house on a regular schedule? Like 1-5 times per week.

You could teach a class or just have social hour without the long drive or high needs of a coop.

It could even be something like “how to cook” or “how to bake” and for $50-150 per kid for a semester they could have the supplies at no cost to you, and everyone could go home with a treat each week. Or go home with a simple, balanced, kid-friendly meal for the family. Be sure to calculate the cost of the disposable food containers into the supplies when you figure out the budget. Or maybe have them bring one 8x13” pan with a cover each day. 

I say odd number so that with DD there are an even number of girls. Otherwise they tend to pair up and someone is the odd girl out. 
 

We did something like this right before the pandemic. We went once a week. The first month was simple kid foods, but I insisted on balanced. So the mac & cheese had not only turkey dogs but also peas. The tacos had fat free refried beans mixed into the meat. The second month was more “family” meals like fajitas and casseroles. The last month was “fancy” meals that are actually simple, like a roast chicken stuffed with lemons from some French cookbook I found. I created a budget from Aldi prices at the time, but rounded up 25% for price fluctuations. I’d probably go 50% now. 
 

If the girls have no cooking experience starting with a semester of cookies is probably better. 

[BusyMom5]

You have so much on your plate!  If you didn't have to Teach, I'd say sign up and see how it goes.  This one seems like a bigger commitment than you want to make.  Can you sign up,  try to see how it goes, and if it doesn't work out just quit or skip quite a bit?  

[Shoeless]

I would not do this. 

If the other moms are working, could you offer to have their kids come over to your house for play/hang out time once a week? 

[happi duck]

My two cents: put the effort co-op would take into the local friends.  An hour away adds up and if there are get togethers outside co-op would you have the time?

(Disclaimer: I hated co-op and wish I'd never done any sort of homeschool group)

[mom2scouts]

We were never co-op people until last year in DD's sophomore year. All of my older kids were out of the house and DS wasn't here anymore homeschooling with DD so I decided to try a co-op for the first time. It's been a surprisingly good experience. A new co-op started that's less than 15 minutes from my house, it's enrichment only so I don't worry about rigor, there are lots of teens, and I found I enjoy teaching the teens. DD made some new friends and looked forward to going every week and we've decided to do it again this year. It does have some downsides such as requiring me to prep and teach classes, offer a teen night, be part of one of the committees, pay a fee, and take one day of the week out of academics (so adding more to our already busy schedule).

In your case, your list of cons looks like you're trying to talk yourself out of doing the co-op and your pros don't seem too optimistic. The hour drive and the fact that your DD doesn't really want to do it, would make it a no for me. Since you already have a friend group, I would try planning regular outings and go with whoever can attend or even just with your DD if necessary and put off a co-op until you see if that will work.

[wisdomandtreasures]

An hour each way is an automatic HAYL NO!  😉

Edited August 13, 2023 by wisdomandtreasures

[Farrar]

The number one issue I see lately in homeschooling is isolated, depressed kids. And it's acute. Like, really bad. It's always been a risk with homeschooling, but since the pandemic when everything shut down and is now slowly trying to rebuild, I've encountered a lot of kids who are absolutely stuck and deeply unhappy because of their lack of social connections.

If you don't feel like that's a risk for your 10 yo because she has plenty of social time, then it does feel like the logistics on this aren't great so I'd lean against doing it. But if you're unsure, I'd try to make it work.

[HazelAnne]

When my kids were little co-ops were great socially, but once they become tweens/teens I find that social dynamics can change. Most of my kids’ friends are not from co-op, but rather they connect with kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Are there any local clubs/sports/volunteer groups that your dd would want to join? Time with other kids is important. I like your idea of planning outings with friends.

I have found the work of being in a co-op typically isn’t worth what we get out of it. It’s much easier for me to host events or plan a meet up. Also, the academics don’t typically align with what we are doing at home. 
 

One thing I really did appreciate about the co-ops I’ve been in is the friendships that I’ve made with other moms. It’s hard to find time as a mom to socialize- so now that we don’t do co-ops anymore I do feel like my friendships aren’t as close from lack of time together.

You listed a lot more cons than pros…if you and your dd can find a local alternative to meet more people, it seems like that might be ideal. Also, the 1 hour drive would make it hard for your dd to see any friends she makes outside of co-op hours. 

Edited August 13, 2023 by HazelAnne

[Soror]

Thanks for the thoughts--

re: other EC's etc. 

dd3 has done TKD for the last (almost) 6 years. This was twice a week but the schedule changed a year or so ago and it is just once a week.

We were heavily involved with Scouts for my son and daughters until Covid and things fizzled out. 

We've tried 4h here a couple of times, as recently as last year,  but that has been a bust for various reasons.

Dd met the friends she does have through TKD and Scouts- they are also hs'ers. She recently made a friend at tennis camp that is a PS. We will see if that lasts.

Of the things that are offered locally (20-30 min away) we've tried what was appealing and worked for us. I am keeping my eyes open for new opportunities and for changing interests. I live fairly rural. The closest town is a population of 16 k and only bigger towns and cities are at least 1.5 hours away. The co-op 1 hr away is an offshoot of one 1.5 hrs away. 

Outside of EC's Dd also does frequent sleepovers with friends. These are usually twice a month or so. We had friends over 2 nights last week- as soon as we got back from a mini family vaca and she is coming back today from a 3-night camping sleepover.

21 minutes ago, Farrar said:

The number one issue I see lately in homeschooling is isolated, depressed kids. And it's acute. Like, really bad. It's always been a risk with homeschooling, but since the pandemic when everything shut down and is now slowly trying to rebuild, I've encountered a lot of kids who are absolutely stuck and deeply unhappy because of their lack of social connections.

If you don't feel like that's a risk for your 10 yo because she has plenty of social time, then it does feel like the logistics on this aren't great so I'd lean against doing it. But if you're unsure, I'd try to make it work.

I agree that it is something to watch for, absolutely, kids do need some social time. I don't feel dd is at risk at this time.

----------------------------------

I hadn't thought of trying to do some activities at my house. That is way easier on me than adding one more place to go to. The only problem is that I live to the north of town and all her current friends are South/west of town. They are 20-45 minutes away from me and I don't know how keen they would be to come to my house for activities. I could try and do something like that and not commit to do it regularly until I see how it goes. If I just open it up to girls around her age then she might make some new friends that live locally. 

I absolutely don't want to do Co-Op. Yes, I'm biased against it. My schedule is feeling tight already. I have moral issues with a SoF. We have to have time to actually school and it would take up nearly the whole day. I've already got to be out of the house for visits eating a good chunk of my week. But of course her friend's moms are also really busy which complicates things. I didn't want to do it before but now I'm considerably busier with adding on working. I don't have to work a set number of hours but have to do so many visits, take care of client's needs and paperwork. For the most part, I have been able to get that done with part-time hours but I've also had a pretty light load most of the time. The beginning of the school year is supposed to be a heavier season. TBH I'm trying to do the best job I can while working the least amount of hours that I can 🙂

I just started spazzing thinking what if things don't work out. I can always sign up in winter if things don't work out locally. hmmmm

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, happi duck said:

My two cents: put the effort co-op would take into the local friends.  An hour away adds up and if there are get togethers outside co-op would you have the time?

(Disclaimer: I hated co-op and wish I'd never done any sort of homeschool group)

YES! This, exactly!

That was our situation as well, and if I had it to do over again, we wouldn't have joined any co-ops or homeschool groups. The only thing I would do again is go to open events for homeschoolers (organized by an event venue, not a homeschool group,) because we met a wide variety of homeschoolers that way, and it's how my ds23 met the kid who is his best friend to this day. 🙂 

But that religious co-op we tried where it seemed like every single mom was always pregnant, all the time, and some of them actually wore the mythical homeschool mom's denim jumper every week? Or that crunchy granola homeschool group that, despite being in the NYC suburbs, pretty much all ground their own wheat and would gasp and recoil in shock at anything that wasn't 100% organic? Nope. The moms were all nice enough people, but the groups were a complete waste of time for us because we had basically nothing in common with them. I mean, come on, I think it's obvious that those were not my people (or my son's.)  😂

[QueenCat]

Since you are focused on socializing for you and your daughter, why not see if the others would be in a field trip group? That's a lot less planning. You could rotate who plans each one. With 1-2 times a month, depending on the season & schedules.

[sassenach]

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

The number one issue I see lately in homeschooling is isolated, depressed kids. And it's acute. Like, really bad. It's always been a risk with homeschooling, but since the pandemic when everything shut down and is now slowly trying to rebuild, I've encountered a lot of kids who are absolutely stuck and deeply unhappy because of their lack of social connections.

If you don't feel like that's a risk for your 10 yo because she has plenty of social time, then it does feel like the logistics on this aren't great so I'd lean against doing it. But if you're unsure, I'd try to make it work.

This is major. IMO, the middle school years are when hs parents need to press hard into shoring up a community for their kids. That can look a lot of different ways. For us, co-op was the cornerstone of our community, but I totally get that it doesn't work that way for everyone. For my kids, extracurriculars and sports were not big community makers. They made a connection here and there, but those were not core friendships. Co-op and church were our main community (with not a ton of overlap between the 2). And ds did find his best friend in our neighborhood. 

So whatever it takes to build deep community for your homeschoolers, that's what should be done. If that's putting big effort into being the fun house that invites the local friends over and organizes the things- do that. If that's driving for a co-op, do that. But definitely prioritize community at this age.

[cintinative]

3 hours ago, BusyMom5 said:

 Can you sign up,  try to see how it goes, and if it doesn't work out just quit or skip quite a bit?  

If this is a true co-op, this is a very bad idea. They really need people who will commit to stay with them through the year. If it was illness or a family emergency that calls someone out that is one thing, but co-op is definitely not something I would sign up for thinking I could drop out early on. And skipping a lot has never been an option in any co-op I have been in. 

 

[catz]

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

The number one issue I see lately in homeschooling is isolated, depressed kids. And it's acute. Like, really bad. It's always been a risk with homeschooling, but since the pandemic when everything shut down and is now slowly trying to rebuild, I've encountered a lot of kids who are absolutely stuck and deeply unhappy because of their lack of social connections.

If you don't feel like that's a risk for your 10 yo because she has plenty of social time, then it does feel like the logistics on this aren't great so I'd lean against doing it. But if you're unsure, I'd try to make it work.

Yes, this, added in with anxiety.  I spoke recently with a friend who is a prof at a large university that says a lot of the kids coming in aren't socially or emotionally prepared at all and are struggling.  And I do think it was important for my kids to have those familiar kids.  But also learn how to navigate and mix with other groups too.   I'm not saying find ways to mix long term with the cult kids or the wheat farmers if you really have nothing in common.  LOL.  We'd see things through a session and if it wasn't working out, we'd move on.  Sometimes things that didn't seem like they'd work did and sometimes things that seemed perfect weren't a fit.   Our co-op was secular/welcoming.  We did homeschool field trip and play groups.  There were a lot of one off classes/workshops offered by museums, zoo, art museums. etc.  But we also did lots of typical kid classes, camps and activities too.  

So, if this were a 10 year old kid doing scouts, Sunday School, the occasional outside class, maybe a sport at times, etc, connecting with friends on a weekly or a couple times a month basis makes sense.  If this is a kid ONLY mixing with peer groups a couple times a month, I would be looking for ways to connect more outside the house.  Especially if I'm understanding correctly that she is the only one at home.  If she continued to complain and push and your work schedule wasn't allowing, I'd possibly consider transitioning to school or a hybrid school (we do have options like that near us) in a year or 2.  Post covid, I am on high alert for this with kids I've worked with.  

I'd personally never drive an hour for a co-op.  Ours was like 10 minutes from us.  But we rarely would drive more than 30 minutes for anything.  So sometimes your options are your options and you have to work with what you have.  

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, cintinative said:

If this is a true co-op, this is a very bad idea. They really need people who will commit to stay with them through the year. If it was illness or a family emergency that calls someone out that is one thing, but co-op is definitely not something I would sign up for thinking I could drop out early on. And skipping a lot has never been an option in any co-op I have been in. 

 

I think you should go into a co-op with good intentions, but I also think it's ok to quit if it's a bad fit for your family. I never had any qualms about leaving a the co-op we'd joined; my child wasn't happy there and his happiness was my priority. That co-op also turned out to be waaaaay more religiously oriented than we had been led to believe, which wasn't great for me, either, but if my son had liked it, we would have stayed.

That's not to say that I think it's right to leave a group high and dry. When we left the co-op, I informed the leaders and offered to show up by myself until they found a replacement to take over my duties, because they were nice people and I felt I owed them that much, but they were able to line someone else up right away so it never became an issue.

But do I think that once you make a commitment to join for a whole year, you have to stay even if your kid is unhappy? No, I don't. A year is a long time and my child's happiness was worth more to me than a commitment to a group he didn't enjoy. And really, it's not fair to remain in the co-op all year if both the kid and the parent are unhappy, because that can negatively affect the atmosphere of the co-op.

[KungFuPanda]

I have to admit, even though our co-op REALLY worked for us, I didn’t even consider it when they were 12 miles from my house. I only looked into it when they moved to a location 4 miles away. 😬A big commute is a big deal. I would have hosted a weekly class in my home before considering a long drive.
 

We did host several regular classes through the years at home. Ticking off an academic and social box made hosting people worthwhile. Also, having people over regularly motivated me to keep the house respectable so it never got bad enough that cleaning was difficult. 

[lmrich]

Could you host a book club at your house with dd's friends that meets twice a month?

An hour commute is a hard no for me.

[Farrar]

4 hours ago, sassenach said:

This is major. IMO, the middle school years are when hs parents need to press hard into shoring up a community for their kids. That can look a lot of different ways. For us, co-op was the cornerstone of our community, but I totally get that it doesn't work that way for everyone. For my kids, extracurriculars and sports were not big community makers. They made a connection here and there, but those were not core friendships. Co-op and church were our main community (with not a ton of overlap between the 2). And ds did find his best friend in our neighborhood. 

So whatever it takes to build deep community for your homeschoolers, that's what should be done. If that's putting big effort into being the fun house that invites the local friends over and organizes the things- do that. If that's driving for a co-op, do that. But definitely prioritize community at this age.

And I think it often seems sunnier in 5th grade... and absolutely dire by 7th. So there's something that happens in there that I think families need to watch out for. You have to really prioritize it.

[Kidlit]

3 hours ago, Farrar said:

And I think it often seems sunnier in 5th grade... and absolutely dire by 7th. So there's something that happens in there that I think families need to watch out for. You have to really prioritize it.

I agree.   One of my regrets is that I didn't send my eldest to school a few years earlier.  It would've been beneficial for this child because child eventually went to high school, and going earlier would've likely (hindsight and all that) helped socially.  Here's the point:  building those relationships before there's a dire need is wise. 

[vonfirmath]

13 hours ago, Shoeless said:

I would not do this. 

If the other moms are working, could you offer to have their kids come over to your house for play/hang out time once a week? 

I work full time. My daughter's best friend is homeschooled. One of the reasons it works so well is that she is willing to pick my daughter up after school one day a week and the two get time to spend together. It was Thursday last year. Due to changes to their schedule and ours we are still trying to decide which day it will be this year.  During the summer they spent longer times together and we are intentional about when we have school holidays as well.

[Shoeless]

1 minute ago, vonfirmath said:

I work full time. My daughter's best friend is homeschooled. One of the reasons it works so well is that she is willing to pick my daughter up after school one day a week and the two get time to spend together. It was Thursday last year. Due to changes to their schedule and ours we are still trying to decide which day it will be this year.  During the summer they spent longer times together and we are intentional about when we have school holidays as well.

I was thinking, too, that if a mom worked from home, having a place to drop off kiddo once a week might be really appealing. Could be a win for both families. 

[vonfirmath]

3 minutes ago, Shoeless said:

I was thinking, too, that if a mom worked from home, having a place to drop off kiddo once a week might be really appealing. Could be a win for both families. 

(technically her mom does work from home -- she's a writer who illustrates her own books. She says when my daughter is over playing it also gives her some time to work because the two girls play so nicely that her daughter is not always coming in needing her attention)

 

[Soror]

This is my 4th - 5th grader. I've seen the changing social needs as they grow. From the previous 3, I know that there is not some formula of things to do to make sure my kid gets enough social time and has a community. Going into hs'ing I could see people often stopped hs'ing around middle school. I  worked very hard- starting, planning, organizing, leading, and teaching various groups and still it wasn't enough--- because--

1- sometimes friends move or go off to school

2- interests can change as they grow - meaning sources of social time can dry up as they no longer want to do long-term activities

3- friends can drift apart as they grow- puberty can be rough

4- sometimes there is a pandemic and everything is shutdown

5- kids have varying levels of social needs that change over time

I also know we all have various resources- money, time, energy/health, and activities/groups available. 

We were doing much more before the pandemic but things change. We're still trying to readjust. I've talked to dd about this. As soon as we decided to keep her home for the year I was talking to another Mom and working on planning activities. 

I wouldn't mind having dd's friends over and do quite often but they just can't drop their kids off at my house on their way to work. One friend goes to work with her Mom (family business) and she does school and the other has a dad at home that watches her.  

I just picked dd up from a 3 night camping sleepover with her one friend and talked to them again about activities. Dad says he can take her whenever and wherever. Now, I have to talk with the other Mom that I've been planning with and make sure we're on the same page and then see if we think that's enough or we need to add more activities. 

 

 

[freesia]

I’ve been mulling over my answer all night lol. I have many thought all of which boil down to—there is no way to predict what will happen.  With my oldest, I regret putting all my eggs in one basket with regards to a small friend group. It was a disaster for us to go with the—get together with the friends he is close to and stop going to a larger co-op. When that friend group imploded, my kids suffered the most and then I was scrambling to figure out new social out lets. And, yes, that meant driving an hour to a new co-op. However, the distance was an issue for developing close friendships for my older ones. However my younger dd had years longer on that co-op and there was time for those relationships to grow. So, really, I would join the co-op so that she has options outside the small group she has. I wish I had a do over for my oldest ds. He is doing ok now, but he was the lonely isolated teen Farrar talks about even though I thought it was all going to be ok. A larger pool of people would have really helped ( and he was involved in youth group and scouts—those places just didn’t lead to the same kinds of friends.). My third ds was also lonely but that was bc of the pandemic. Things pulled together senior year. 
 

We have now moved and it is already clear that our new area—with more homeschooled kids—is going to be a better more fun place for dd to do high school. 

[mommyoffive]

19 hours ago, Catwoman said:

YES! This, exactly!

That was our situation as well, and if I had it to do over again, we wouldn't have joined any co-ops or homeschool groups. The only thing I would do again is go to open events for homeschoolers (organized by an event venue, not a homeschool group,) because we met a wide variety of homeschoolers that way, and it's how my ds23 met the kid who is his best friend to this day. 🙂 

But that religious co-op we tried where it seemed like every single mom was always pregnant, all the time, and some of them actually wore the mythical homeschool mom's denim jumper every week? Or that crunchy granola homeschool group that, despite being in the NYC suburbs, pretty much all ground their own wheat and would gasp and recoil in shock at anything that wasn't 100% organic? Nope. The moms were all nice enough people, but the groups were a complete waste of time for us because we had basically nothing in common with them. I mean, come on, I think it's obvious that those were not my people (or my son's.)  😂

Same.  We did a coop for a few years and I regret it so much.  I didn't agree with the SOF as someone who his not religious but I didn't know there were other options that were a better fit for our family.   The people were nice enough but we never fit in.  What was a better fit was a nature school class that is at an environmental center.   Had I known things like that existed we would have just done that.  There are 4 near us that do homeschool groups for the entire year.  2 of all the way up to 12th grade.   And we never tried just homeschool classes at museums or the gym classes at the Y.  I have even seen at a few gymnastics, rock climbing, ice skating places that offer homeschool groups every week.  

I think skipping the coop and working on the local friends is a better option.  Do sleepovers and maybe they can sign up for classes together.  Keep looking and looking for other classes she can join.  We drove 30 mins one way for coop and that was the only option as there was never anything in our small town.  Now the other options that I mentioned above are 1 hour each way.  

For us sports(dance) has been away to give my kids a community.  They are there 7 days a week a lot of the year, so it is hard not to be close with people you spend so much time with.  And their dance community has grown bigger and bigger as they travel the country to dance and then see the same kids over and over the years.  

[katilac]

On 8/13/2023 at 1:12 PM, Soror said:

I hadn't thought of trying to do some activities at my house. That is way easier on me than adding one more place to go to. The only problem is that I live to the north of town and all her current friends are South/west of town. They are 20-45 minutes away from me and I don't know how keen they would be to come to my house for activities. I could try and do something like that and not commit to do it regularly until I see how it goes. If I just open it up to girls around her age then she might make some new friends that live locally. 

 

It was my experience that you do have to commit to doing it regularly in order to build up to a decent, and fairly reliable, number of people. 

If two people come to the first one and zero people come to the second one and one person comes to the third one, just go ahead and have that fourth, fifth, and sixth one. Just block out the time and people either come or they don't. 

Opening it to others in her age group ups the chances for sure. It also helps to open it to both boys and girls' it both widens the general pool and makes parents of mixed-gender siblings more willing to take the time and make the drive. 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Co-ops were absolutely not our thing. I'm way too much of a control freak to allow other parents to teach my child. 

Activities, experiences and social events, sure. Academics, no.

I hope you find the right thing for your family.

[Soror]

I'm still working on plans but we have a sorta compromise. A class popped up for hs'ers a little closer- 45 min away. A friend is doing it too so I'm splitting driving duties with her Mom. So, she gets time hanging with other hs'ers but has the safety of knowing someone there. I don't have to teach and it's just an hour long vs 3 hrs+ 2 hrs driving so it doesn't tie up my whole day. Because other Mom is helping with driving I can do my homevisits when she does the drive so it makes it easier to fit in work. Usually there aren't any hs specific classes due to the small population here and the surrounding areas but someone is trying this out. Hopefully, there is a decent turn out and the girls enjoy it. We are still doing outings with friends. Field trips and park days will be opened up to others but we're still lining out the schedule.

[J-rap]

How often will you be meeting?  Once/week?  You can always try it for a semester and see how it goes!

We didn't have the option of a co-op until our youngest two were in 8th and 9th grade.  It felt really strange and different for us -- but it ended up being a good thing for my kids and they met some good friends.

You can always try it, and you're not obligated to continue it.

[mommyoffive]

21 hours ago, Soror said:

I'm still working on plans but we have a sorta compromise. A class popped up for hs'ers a little closer- 45 min away. A friend is doing it too so I'm splitting driving duties with her Mom. So, she gets time hanging with other hs'ers but has the safety of knowing someone there. I don't have to teach and it's just an hour long vs 3 hrs+ 2 hrs driving so it doesn't tie up my whole day. Because other Mom is helping with driving I can do my homevisits when she does the drive so it makes it easier to fit in work. Usually there aren't any hs specific classes due to the small population here and the surrounding areas but someone is trying this out. Hopefully, there is a decent turn out and the girls enjoy it. We are still doing outings with friends. Field trips and park days will be opened up to others but we're still lining out the schedule.

Yay!!!  That sounds awesome.  I am glad it all worked out for you both!!  Splitting driving duties is so awesome.

[Ellie]

For me, the cons you listed would greatly outweigh the pros.

[wintermom]

On 8/16/2023 at 12:19 AM, Soror said:

I'm still working on plans but we have a sorta compromise. A class popped up for hs'ers a little closer- 45 min away. A friend is doing it too so I'm splitting driving duties with her Mom. So, she gets time hanging with other hs'ers but has the safety of knowing someone there. I don't have to teach and it's just an hour long vs 3 hrs+ 2 hrs driving so it doesn't tie up my whole day. Because other Mom is helping with driving I can do my homevisits when she does the drive so it makes it easier to fit in work. Usually there aren't any hs specific classes due to the small population here and the surrounding areas but someone is trying this out. Hopefully, there is a decent turn out and the girls enjoy it. We are still doing outings with friends. Field trips and park days will be opened up to others but we're still lining out the schedule.

This sounds perfect for you and your dd! Hope the year goes really well for you all!