Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

LIST: Your all-time favorite parenting books...

Alaska Mom
 Share

Recommended Posts

lulubelle

lulubelle

Posted
Posted

If I could only read them each over again once a year! I was in a book group for about 2 years that read most of these.

 

Most recently: Transforming the Difficult Child by Glasser and Easly

It made me slow down and not expect so much

 

All time favorite: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

by Faber and MazlishMade me listen twice as much as I speak

 

Siblings without Rivalry by the above 2.

 

Keep the Siblings Lose the Rivalry by Carmell

Great family night ideas of bringing kids together

 

The Blessing by Trent and Smalley

Meaningful touch, spoken message, attaching high value, picturing a special future and an active commitment

 

Five Love Languages for Kids by ?

Learn about your kid and how they feel loved

 

How to Really Love Your Child by Campbell

One size does not fit all

 

Raising a Modern Day Knight by Lewis

For fathers!

 

How Children Raise Parents by Allender

You can't do it all right!

 

How & When to Tell Your Kids About Sex by Jones'

Don't try to shelter you kids, teach them what they need to know!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Liz CA

Liz CA

Posted
Posted
Boundaries with Kids (Cloud & Townsend) and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours (Leman).

 

Lots of other good ones, though! (I liked Raising Your Spirited Child, also, and Heartfelt Discipline by the Clarksons and The Five Love Languages of Children by Chapman)

 

Most helpful book for me was also "Boundaries with Kids" by John Townsend and Henry Cloud. Down to earth good advise!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
bumbledeb

bumbledeb

Posted
Posted

I have read loads over the years but my absolute number one tip-top favourite is:

 

"Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn

 

I liked it so much I bought four copies so I'd always have some to lend out. Three are on loan right now.

 

It's one of the very few books I felt compelled to write a recommendation for on Amazon.co.uk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
tibbyl

tibbyl

Posted
Posted

I eagerly second Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. We also bought the lecture on DVD because it is a wonderful primer for parents (psst .. dads) who do not wish to read a parenting book. The book begins at the most logical point: by defining what one's ultimate goals are for person one's child will become.

 

Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish's How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk and same duo's Siblings Without Rivalry.

 

Any of Jane Nelsen's Positive Disclipine series. They are broken into age categories.

 

Thomas Harris's Parent Effectiveness Training.

 

As would be true of any good parenting book worth its salt, all these books have helped me not only in interactions with my children, but also with other adults.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
dragons in the flower bed

dragons in the flower bed

Posted
Posted

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland really helped me understand why my kids do the things they do, why the parenting techniques that work do, and how my actions shape my kids, better than any other book I've read.

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort helped me put into practice the ideas I learned in The Science of Parenting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

Posted
Posted

My favs:

 

The Discipline Book by William and Marth Sears

The Sears' gave me so much more confidence in my ability to parent through connection and relationship. They allowed me to see that non-punitive, non-corporal punishment did not have to mean out of control brats. but could result in loving, well-behaved children. Their experience with a wide range of ages spoke to me. The fact that their adult children are so accomplished and speak so highly of their parents was the proof that I needed. When Bill shared that doctors do not learn parenting and childcare in medical school, I felt so much more confident to ditch the baloney that my then pediatrician was feeding me. I also like their Christian parenting book because it helped me feel more confident that my way of parenting was NOT unbiblical, in opposition to what I was hearing from some very judgemental "friends."

 

Loving Your Child is not Enough: Positive Discipline that Works - Nancy Samalin

Gave me tools and actions to use with my kids to keep from falling into the yell, scream, spank mode that I was raised with. Very sensible approach.

 

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk - Faber and Mazlish

Opened my eyes to using language to effectively communicate with my kids and to understand where they were coming from. Gave me words and tools to be an effective parent and reduce my frustration. This one is an oldie, but goodie and I try to re-read it every couple of years.

 

Siblings Without Rivalry - Faber and Mazlish

Boy howdie, do I wish my mother had read this. I think my siblings would be much closer if my folks had understood what effect their parenting had on the relationships between children. I learned so much about how to foster good relationships and how to avoid the traps that create rivalry.

 

Kids Are Worth It: Giving the Gift of Inner Discipline - Barbara Coloroso

I just LOVE this book. Her philosophy makes sense. Not so much a method book, but a parenting philosophy book. But - lots of examples that helped me come up with my own tools. Another book worth re-reading time and again.

 

Mothering and Fathering - Tina Thevelin

I have not actually read this book, but I heard the author speak on this topic. She addressed the roles that parents play and how both are valuable. Children need the nurturer who kisses boo boos and teaches caution, but children also need the encourager to push children beyond their perceived limitations. I realized that I was treating my husband's parenting as wrong rather than a healthy counterpoint to mine.

 

Raising Your Spirited Child was a life-saver for me and my 2nd son who was terribly high need. It helped me eliminate some of the battles we were having and I learned ways around it and how to conciously love this child that I often wanted to toss out the window.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
King Alfred Academy

King Alfred Academy

Posted
Posted
Raising Your Spirited Child made me think differently about how children process situations. It totally changed my relationship with dd10 who was 4yo when I discovered it.

 

:iagree: completely agree with this suggestion 100%! I have been reading and working through it the past couple of months and have had many "a-ha" moments not only about my boys, but about myself as well! Great read.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jennefer@SSA

Jennefer@SSA

Posted
Posted

I have read probably 20 parenting books and I think my search is over. I have my 2 favorites that I am going to hang onto and reference often:

 

Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel and The No Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I love both of these books.

 

Okay before posting I went back and read the other recommendations and I may have to read just one more! I am excited to learn of Raising Your Spirited Child. Ordering this one for my very spirited 2 1/2 yo!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
stripe

stripe

Posted
Posted

I actually have found Alfie Kohn's book "Punished by Rewards" to be much more interesting and thought-provoking than "Unconditional Parenting."

 

I need tips in certain instances because my intuition is taking me in the wrong direction, and I want to raise my children differently than how I was raised in certain specific ways, but I don't always know what to do when I want to not do something else. I do not accept all of what's in any of these books because their goals are not always the same as mine, but I have been challenged to expand my thinking on certain issues.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
beansprouts

beansprouts

Posted
Posted (edited)
I've never read a parenting book. I'd rather rely on my own intuition and upbringing than some unknown person telling me how to raise my kid.

 

:iagree: I have become a better parent since I ditched the books and began paying attention to my children's unique needs. I find that many of these books interpret childish behavior with adult motives which are simply not the way little children think. Many (not all) apply a "one size fits all" system for discipline.

 

There is still one that I would recommend and that is "Playful Parenting". It encouraged me to step into my kids' world and see things through their eyes.

Edited by beansprouts
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Lovedtodeath

Lovedtodeath

Posted
Posted

The parenting advice that has helped me be more loving is free online. And the RGT website has the entire book online for free as well.

 

How Can I Control My Emotions? Here is an article that really helped me and DD both.

 

From the Tomato website: Fixing ourselves first has sections such as cultivating love and joy and overcoming a critical spirit. Then there is a section titled irritation with children that is helpful as well. http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ch11.asp This chapter on temper tantrums has scriptures quoted.

 

I am starting Boundaries with Children right now. I think I should have read the one for adults first.;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Alaska Mom

Alaska Mom

Posted
  • Author
Posted

There is still one that I would recommend and that is "Playful Parenting". It encouraged me to step into my kids' world and see things through their eyes.

 

 

I just started this book and I love it. I'm not big into parenting books either, most I usually start then ditch for some reason or another. But I definitely have a few that have helped me immensely to be a better parent.

 

I was hoping to find in this list here some "developmental" books. I think part of the problem I'm having is related to my giving my dd more responsibility than was appropriate for her age. She's always been very mature, well beyond her years. But I'm realizing now that what appeared to be maturity was still just a young child, not ready for the responsibilities that I had allowed her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
beansprouts

beansprouts

Posted
Posted (edited)
I just started this book and I love it. I'm not big into parenting books either, most I usually start then ditch for some reason or another. But I definitely have a few that have helped me immensely to be a better parent.

 

I was hoping to find in this list here some "developmental" books. I think part of the problem I'm having is related to my giving my dd more responsibility than was appropriate for her age. She's always been very mature, well beyond her years. But I'm realizing now that what appeared to be maturity was still just a young child, not ready for the responsibilities that I had allowed her.

 

I have used some books in the "Your X year old" series to understand appropriate behavior and expectations for each age.

 

ETA: Here is one of them

Edited by beansprouts
Link to comment
Share on other sites
LBC

LBC

Posted
Posted (edited)

I was hoping to find in this list here some "developmental" books. I think part of the problem I'm having is related to my giving my dd more responsibility than was appropriate for her age. She's always been very mature, well beyond her years. But I'm realizing now that what appeared to be maturity was still just a young child, not ready for the responsibilities that I had allowed her.

 

The book I mentioned - Hold on to Your Kids - really isn't like any other parenting book I've ever read. I generally don't like parenting books, because they tend to offer "how to" advice, and there are no two families alike. Dr. Neufeld is a developmental psychologist. His approach is about creating the right type of parent/child relationship, so that you are able to influence your child because they are attached to you as a parent. So much of what he says rings true for me, and for many parents I've met who have read this book.

 

Dr. Neufeld explains that from a very early age our children look to us for guidance. We are like their North Pole. They orient themselves by us. When (if) they go to school, they can do well if there's an adult who is good at making a connection with the child. Then they are able to orient themselves to that other adult. What happens to most children is they don't find an adult that they can connect with when the parent is absent, and they begin to orient themselves to their peers. As they mature, this orientation becomes stronger, and eventually this bond becomes stronger than the parental bond, causing lots of problems when the peers begin to do things that go against the values of their parents.

 

Another thing he talks about is how children need to find their individuality within a healthy attachment. So often our culture really pushes children to grow up early, and be independent. Dr. Neufeld believes that people are to take this healthy step only when they are safe within a healthy relationship, and that it's an ongoing thing. Attachment leads to individuation, from the toddler to the teen.

 

I could go on, but the book explains it so much better than I can. It was one of those books that affirmed in me the things I already intuitively knew about parenting. It also helped me to see why I behaved so badly when I was a teen, which has helped me immensely in parenting my own teens. The only "how to" in this book has to do with relationship, not rules or methods.

 

Lori

Edited by LBC
Link to comment
Share on other sites
BakersDozen

BakersDozen

Posted
Posted

 

All the books by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo (Childwise, Babywise, etc.) and Michael and Debi Pearl (To Train Up A Child). Those are our favourites.
Glad to see someone else uses these! I really don't read much of Dobson but his "Bringing Up Boys" is a yearly read for me on New Year's Day just to help me refresh myself as I attempt to figure out how to raise boys (girls I "get"...boys not so much :001_huh:).
Link to comment
Share on other sites
beansprouts

beansprouts

Posted
Posted
The book I mentioned - Hold on to Your Kids - really isn't like any other parenting book I've ever read. I really don't like parenting books, because they tend to offer "how to" advice, and there are no two families alike. Dr. Neufeld is a developmental psychologist. His approach is about creating the right type of parent/child relationship, so that you are able to influence your child because they are attached to you as a parent. So much of what he says rings true for me, and for many parents I've met who have read this book.

 

I do like the attachment philosophy, and may look this one up in the future. Thanks, Lori!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Staci in FL

Staci in FL

Posted
Posted

Age of Opportunity by Ted Tripp, How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell, and Hold on to Your Kids. Age of Opportunity is supposed to be for teenagers, but I think it the perspective applies to all ages. These are my top three and I have read A LOT of parenting books. I really need to get rid of the other 30 or so that are on my bookshelf because these three are by far the best!

 

Staci

Link to comment
Share on other sites
beansprouts

beansprouts

Posted
Posted (edited)
Why would someone bother replying who does not read parenting books? Just to say you don't. What is the point? To condescend those who do? Shouldn't you just pass that one by?

 

No. I have read most of the books mentioned here at one time or another. My point is simply that many of these writers present a "recipe" for raising kids, some even bully parents by using scripture, and in many (or most) cases do not understand the age-appropriate behavior or thought patterns of young children. Parrothead and I are not the only ones who have decided that we are better off steering clear of "parenting systems" and following our hearts. There is wisdom in this approach which we felt worth sharing with others who are wading through the vast sea of parenting literature.

Edited by beansprouts
Link to comment
Share on other sites
dragons in the flower bed

dragons in the flower bed

Posted
Posted
I'd rather rely on my own intuition and upbringing than some unknown person telling me how to raise my kid.

 

My favorite parenting book, The Science of Parenting, is very much not a "how to raise your kid" type of work. It doesn't dictate what to do in a fixed system, but explains what's going on physiologically in a child's brain at different stages of development and during events that are typical in a child's life (bedtime, temper tantrums, being bullied).

 

I greatly appreciate the importance of relying on one's own intuition. However, I have not found it necessary to avoid input from others in order to isolate my own inner voice. Quite to the contrary, I find that reading parenting books critically provides an opportunity for me to discern my feelings about situations before I'm placed in an on-the-spot parenting situation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
LBC

LBC

Posted
Posted
No. I have read most of the books mentioned here at one time or another. My point is simply that many of these writers present a "recipe" for raising kids, some even bully parents by using scripture, and in many (or most) cases do not understand the age-appropriate behavior or thought patterns of young children. Parrothead and I are not the only ones who have decided that we are better off steering clear of "parenting systems" and following our hearts. There is wisdom in this approach which we felt worth sharing with others who are wading through the vast sea of parenting literature.

 

:iagree:Well said.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
stripe

stripe

Posted
Posted
Parrothead and I are not the only ones who have decided that we are better off steering clear of "parenting systems" and following our hearts.

 

I think a lot of people read stuff that's on the same wavelength as their intuition, as a way to bolster themselves. I, for example, have never read the any books advocating "crying it out," nor do I intend to. I have a finite time on earth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
dawn of ns

dawn of ns

Posted
Posted
No. I have read most of the books mentioned here at one time or another. My point is simply that many of these writers present a "recipe" for raising kids, some even bully parents by using scripture, and in many (or most) cases do not understand the age-appropriate behavior or thought patterns of young children. Parrothead and I are not the only ones who have decided that we are better off steering clear of "parenting systems" and following our hearts. There is wisdom in this approach which we felt worth sharing with others who are wading through the vast sea of parenting literature.

 

I have to agree about most parenting books. But having said that there are parenting books that are less about presenting recipes and more giving some simple tools and wisdom for parents to examine and adapt their own skills. Kids Are Worth It! and Hold on to Your Kids, which have both been mentioned, are two of those.

 

A good parenting bok isn't a recipre book. Instead it'll give you the tools to critically examine your parenting and appreciate your own experience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Julie in Monterey

Julie in Monterey

Posted
Posted

This book is hands down my all time favorite and I've read so many. It is all about being an intentional parent and gives you concrete advise and examples on how to start down that path. It's my standard baby gift along with a copy of;

 

Babywise- major score for us. This probably had the most impact as a parent of an infant. We slept and had a predictable first year with our babies.

 

Julie in Monterey

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...