Poll: When did you feel grown-up?

[JennifersLost]

I just thought this would be a fun question. I think I finally felt kind of grown up when I went to my first parent-teacher conference.

Edited December 8, 2008 by JennifersLost
Forgot something.

[Rosie_0801]

When I was expected to contribute to Christmas cooking. That felt like some sort of rite of passage.

:)

Rosie

[Beth in Central TX]

I felt grown-up when I went off to college because my dad was still in the army and was stationed in Germany (again) when I went of to college at UT Austin. I worked and had a full 4-year scholarship, so I was financially independent and definitely on my own since my family was half-way around the world (my extended family lives mostly in KY). They came back to the states just before I graduated.

[RebeccaS]

I said that I still don't. It's weird. I'm 30 now, but I still feel like I just graduated high school. (Hard to believe it will be 13 years this spring.) It probably doesn't help that people have told me I still look like a teenager.:001_huh:

[Garga]

Having my son at almost 30. The instant he was born, I was a changed person. I really can't explain it. From that moment on, I've been a new person.

[LaMere Academy]

still don't feel like one.

[Jenny in Atl]

I feel old physically but not mentally. I often think others around me are older (more grown-up), then I find out they are younger. That said, my mother reports I was born old/grown-up, always very serious.

 

I'm a first born married to a first born. :willy_nilly: :lol:

[kat19]

I have no idea :lol:

There are days I feel old but not grown up.

[abbeyej]

I said "still don't", but I should have said "other". Most of the time I do recognize/feel that I'm a grown up. But there was no one moment when I felt grown up. And if there was, lol, it was probably a lie. ;) It has just been a process...

 

I do remember going up to a group of teenagers when I was teaching a class of preschoolers, and asking them to leave the playground area. (They weren't doing anything bad, they were just intimidating to the little ones, so I was asking them to scoot outside that small area.) They were all a head taller than me at least, and I looked up at them and asked 'em to go. When they nodded and obeyed, I sure felt grown up! ;)

[Nicole M]

I voted other.

 

I felt very grown up at 18, when I went off to college. Then after college, I felt like everybody else around me had a copy of the job description for Grown Up, but I didn't. Sometime after years of therapy I felt like a grown up, in my mid-30s. Everything has gotten better since I turned 40. I feel totally with it and competent. I have bad days, but I never feel not-grown-up.

 

ETA: Years ago I saw an Utne Reader on the shelf and the whole issue was about how most Americans don't feel grown up. I thought, Jeez, we're pathetic.

[Annie N]

I don't feel grown-up, and I asked my great-aunt, who was in her 80s, when she started feeling grown-up. she said that she still didn't.

 

And it's not that I don't recognize that I am (at 50 ;) )a grown-up!!! It's just that... my mother seemed very competent, and her heels clicked on the floor, and I still feel like the same klutzy self that I was all along. I don't feel how my mother seemed to me, and I therefore don't feel grown-up

[elegantlion]

I still don't feel grown up. I'm waiting for some of that to kick in, but it hasn't. I do feel OLD sometimes. I'm 41 and the group for Nanowrimo were all in their 20's. We got along great until they started talking things they were going to do with their lives. That was when the age started to creep in.

 

I did cover the grey today so that helped a little. My dh is like a big kid, so that is helpful too.

[swellmomma]

I said "still don't", but I should have said "other". Most of the time I do recognize/feel that I'm a grown up. But there was no one moment when I felt grown up. And if there was, lol, it was probably a lie. ;) It has just been a process...

 

I do remember going up to a group of teenagers when I was teaching a class of preschoolers, and asking them to leave the playground area. (They weren't doing anything bad, they were just intimidating to the little ones, so I was asking them to scoot outside that small area.) They were all a head taller than me at least, and I looked up at them and asked 'em to go. When they nodded and obeyed, I sure felt grown up! ;)

 

I had a similar experience, took my daycare kids out to the playground and found a group of teens cussing and spitting and I told them to leave, which they did pretty quickly. I think that is when it really sunk in that I was a grown up. I have felt old for years, but still felt like high school was only yesterday kwim, so not really grown up. I think too, given my choices in raisingmy kids, by being around them and learning with them makes me less likely to feel grown up since everything is still so new with them. Now as for feeling old, that happens a lot, such as when I found out that the little children I used to babysit have graduated high school, or are getting married. How did I get so old to have changed the diapers of high school graduates?

[Melissa in Australia]

when I was 17. I meet my future husband then and thought "this is the man" . I knew I was grown up at that moment.

[Michelle T]

be

Michelle T

[LBC]

I answered that I still don't feel grown up, and I'm 43. I act grown up, so I think the reason I don't feel grown up has to do with the expectations I had as a kid about what it is like to be a grown up.

 

I had a similar experience with marriage. I had certain expectations about what it would feel like. My expectations were wrong. With marriage, I had to adjust my expectations. I guess with growing up, I've never made the effort to adjust my expectations.:001_smile:

 

Lori

[Parrothead]

I don't feel grown up. At 42, I still don't have it together enough to call myself grown up.

 

The parent-teacher conference reminded me of something I saw once: "I'm not talking to myself, I'm having a parent-teacher conference."

[Mad Jenny Flint]

After dealing with my husband losing his job, and coping well with it. After dealing with my mom moving in with us, and coping well with it. After realizing that I don't have as many little insecurities as I used to because I just plain know myself better and feel better about how I handle things.

[Peela]

I voted 'other' because for me it was when I turned 30. I had two small children, I had a party( I have only had one b'day party as an adult and that was it), and I remember quite a change of consciousness around that time. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, oh, this is what it feels like to be a grown up!

However, really it was just the beginning and it has been an ongoing process since then.

[Jackie in NE]

I checked "other" because feeling "grown up" is a feeling that comes and goes. Through some seasons of my life, I feel like I really have it all together, thus "grown Up". But then it seems the Lord gives me some new challenge, and I feel like a kid again.... unsure... needing guidance.

 

I'm 46 now, so I've resigned myself to the idea that it will always be this way. The moment I think I have it all under control, some new challenge will come along.....

 

Good question. Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.

[Valerie in Chicago]

When I stopped using "party" as a verb and the thought of two people sleeping in a twin bed became utterly ridiculous.

 

And when DH & I moved in together. He was gunning to get married and start a family; I was putting it off. But that was the act that made me realize that dating was no longer a game, that there were real (as in, grown-up) decisions to be made in the near future. Luckily, he was patient with me as I made them. And grew up.

[Nicole M]

When I stopped using "party" as a verb and the thought of two people sleeping in a twin bed became utterly ridiculous.

:smilielol5:

[Apiphobic]

I think it was the first time I wasn't carded.

I'd always looked younger than my age, so when they stopped carding me I realized ... um, yeah ... there it went.

[Sparkle]

I'm 44 and I felt really grown up a few years ago when we bought our matching set of bedroom furniture. Don't ask me why, but somehow that seemed like such a grownup thing to do :D

 

Also, for me, losing my parents and my grandparents has made me feel grownup - I'm now the oldest generation, so to speak. I do have aunts and uncles who are still around, but I don't have a lot of contact with them.

[elegantlion]

I think it was the first time I wasn't carded.

I'd always looked younger than my age, so when they stopped carding me I realized ... um, yeah ... there it went.

 

I got carded the other day. It made my day. :D

[KJB]

If you defrost, it means you planned ahead. It means you bought more than you needed *right now*. It means you may have caught a sale and were concerned about the price. It may mean you have more than yourself to feed.

 

Yep, defrosting was the turning point for me. Defrosting epitomizes adulthood. Sigh....

[Kathy in MD]

I finally felt grown up when we adopted my ds --- I was 40!!!!!

[Carrie12345]

Somewhere between child #3 and child #4, so not long before I turned 30.

 

Not coincidentally, that was also the point where it became difficult to find babysitters so we could go out and do fun things!

[Tree House Academy]

For the most part, I still have to remind myself that *I* am the grownup! :)

[Just Me]

I said "other" because that feeling comes and goes for me. For example, when I was 21, I kept a friends three kids so that she could go give birth to her fourth child. That child is now a senior in high-school and will go away to college soon. That makes me feel like a grown up.

 

But then, when I realize how much I enjoy watching 'A Charlie Brown Christmas', I realize just how not grown up I am! :D

[Karen sn]

I wish I felt grown up.

And standing up to bratty kids hasn't done it either.

 

When I was in nursing school my dd went to a Montessori school. She had issues where boys would hurt her - think mixed ages in a small classroom and my dd was only 7yo. I told the offending (older) boys in a one on one glaring snarling mood, "If you touch my dd again I will kick your @$$." (Yes.....I know I should use better words than @$$ - but bullying and boys beating up on girls just irritates me and throws me into a violent mood my own self. Kids who are allowed to be bullied or hurt by others grow up to be the gun wielding perpetrators at Columbine. I would rather look like a bad mother NOW than LATER.....IYKWIM).

 

The boys stopped their behavior, and the other girls in the classroom thanked me as well because the boys now left them *all* alone. In fact, one mom told me I had a reputation among the boys - she was a boy's mother and fully supported me.

 

But I would go to that school and play with the kids at recess. I also taught them cursive writing. The kids all liked me and wanted me to tell stories about faeries and mermaids.....

 

I digress - I still do not feel grown up.

 

Maybe when I make my first mortgage payment - if I'm ever that lucky - I will feel responsible and grown up. Having an 11 year old daughter, a 14 week old son, a dog, 2 cats, and a turtle has not done anything to make me feel grown up!

[melissel]

I have flashes and moments of feeling grown-up, but for the most part, DH and I still wonder who put us in charge of this whole shebang. I still feel like I'm playacting a lot of the time, though that early parenting feeling of, "When is this kid's mom going to come get her?" has finally dissipated :lol:

 

ETA: You know, after reading the rest of the thread, I realized that several people are right. IME, it really has to do with feeling competent and able to make decisions on your own. My mom is young (53) and very involved in our lives (she takes of the kids while I work during the week), so I still turn to her a lot for advice and feedbac. She still manages a lot of the family gatherings and such. Her heels never clicked on the floor, but she's always been a strong figure (she would use a different word :lol:). I'm sure that has a lot to do with it, for me.

Edited December 8, 2008 by melissel

[melissel]

If you defrost, it means you planned ahead. It means you bought more than you needed *right now*. It means you may have caught a sale and were concerned about the price. It may mean you have more than yourself to feed.

 

Yep, defrosting was the turning point for me. Defrosting epitomizes adulthood. Sigh....

 

:lol:

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[danielle]

Mom and I didn't ever get along well, but we were intensely close. When she died, there was no backup anymore, and I knew I was an adult (at 50, no less!).

Danielle

[Jeannie in NJ]

when I had to make the decision to take my mom off of life support. It was 15 years ago, my mom had fallen from a ladder and hit her head and her brain stem and was brain dead. I had just gotten married 6 months before and was living in NJ with dh. Both he and I were on a flight to Texas within an hour of getting the call. The hospital was keeping my mom on life support just until I got there (there was no hope for her to survive). But they said since I was the oldest child (my father had been long gone since I was a child and was believed to be dead himself) so the hospital said that I had to make the decision to take mom off life support. My brother that is a year younger than me said NO to taking her off and my youngest brother who was in his first year of college was in a state of shock said that he would agree to what ever any decision I made. Well I made the decision and my brother who is a year younger than me has not spoken to me since and that was 15 years ago. Also he refused to make any of the decisions regarding the funeral or handling the insurance, mom's house (I did give him the house as he had children and needed a house) so I had to handle everything. I ended up gaining 50 pounds over the next year due to the stress. Anyway, that is when I realized that sometimes grown-ups such as I had become have to make hard decisions.

 

p.s. I felt extreme guilt for a long time even tho I know and believe that I had no other choice than the choice that I made

[Karenciavo]

other.

 

I've felt grown-up since I've been 12 or so. Growing up in a home with messed-up parents and siblings to take care of will do that to you.

[Jen in PA]

I became my family's primary breadwinner as soon as I finished high school, which I had finished early so that I could save money for college..... So in about one month I finished high school, added a full-time job to the 2 part-time jobs I was aready working, and realized that I was definitely not going to be heading off to college the following fall. You would think that all of that would have made me feel "grown up," but what really did the trick was being responsible for giving my younger sisters nice family dinners, holiday gifts, little birthday parties and the like during that difficult period. I wish I felt like less of a grownup sometimes now.

[AnnetteB]

At 19. I moved out into my own apartment a few months before getting married (still 19). I got my driver's license and started college at 17, but didn't feel grown-up...Stifled was more the word for how I felt then. For me being grown-up was linked to self-support and independence from my parents. DH of nearly 29 years has only recently grown up :lol:

[Desert Rat]

I voted when my first was born but there are days I can't believe someone would give a kid all this responsibilty that I have. LOL

[siloam]

I just thought this would be a fun question. I think I finally felt kind of grown up when I went to my first parent-teacher conference.

 

I still feel like a little kid running around pretending to be an adult.

 

Heather

 

[melissel]

when I had to make the decision to take my mom off of life support. It was 15 years ago, my mom had fallen from a ladder and hit her head and her brain stem and was brain dead. I had just gotten married 6 months before and was living in NJ with dh. Both he and I were on a flight to Texas within an hour of getting the call. The hospital was keeping my mom on life support just until I got there (there was no hope for her to survive). But they said since I was the oldest child (my father had been long gone since I was a child and was believed to be dead himself) so the hospital said that I had to make the decision to take mom off life support. My brother that is a year younger than me said NO to taking her off and my youngest brother who was in his first year of college was in a state of shock said that he would agree to what ever any decision I made. Well I made the decision and my brother who is a year younger than me has not spoken to me since and that was 15 years ago. Also he refused to make any of the decisions regarding the funeral or handling the insurance, mom's house (I did give him the house as he had children and needed a house) so I had to handle everything. I ended up gaining 50 pounds over the next year due to the stress. Anyway, that is when I realized that sometimes grown-ups such as I had become have to make hard decisions.

 

p.s. I felt extreme guilt for a long time even tho I know and believe that I had no other choice than the choice that I made

 

Oh Jeannie, how heartbreaking :grouphug:

[cathmom]

My 18th birthday!

 

It was my best birthday ever! I was so glad, so thrilled to be a legal adult! I finally felt that no one could have control over me. I even got to sign a form by myself because I had a dr's appointment that day.

[JennifersLost]

Jeannie - hugs.

 

I can't imagine - my heart goes out to you. Some people are more able to handle the hard decisions than other people are, and they get called on to do the hard things in life. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

[MicheleinMN]

I grew up in an abusive/alcoholic home, and I have been *old/grown up* for a very long time.

 

I remember feeling like I was finally the RIGHT age when I hit 35.

 

(I can remember being 12 going on 35.) :glare:

[Tap]

Up until 2 years ago, I didn't feel like a grown up. I was still full of energy and optimistic. Then we took in our great niece and started dealing with the foster system, attorneys, CASAs, caseworkers, visitation supervisors and bio-parents. Then I felt like a grown up with all the negativity and exhaustion, one can take. Even when we finalized our guardianship, and we now don't have to deal with anyone anymore...it is still a lingering feeling.

 

Dd2 has issues. She is drug affected. I don't think that I will ever have the carefree days of just raising kids, celebrating holidays, enjoying my husband and just loving life again. I now feel grownup. :ack2:

[PinkInTheBlue]

And it's not that I don't recognize that I am (at 50 ;) )a grown-up!!! It's just that... my mother seemed very competent, and her heels clicked on the floor, and I still feel like the same klutzy self that I was all along. I don't feel how my mother seemed to me, and I therefore don't feel grown-up

 

Thank you! That's a good description of why or how I don't feel grown up when I don't.

 

I voted I first felt grown up when I had my first baby and that's true. However there are still times I feel so incompetent and clueless. I feel like I'm floundering my way through some of this and I remember my mother looking so capable and together. Even when she went through times of extra stress, she was still...grown up.

 

Also, she was a very young mom. She had me when she was just over 16 and had been married a bit over a year. I think back to when she went through losing her business and filing bankruptcy and realize she was only about 30 with a 14 year old. My husband found some of my old high school pictures from when my parents chaperoned a band banquet and realized she was only 32! I'm 36!

 

She claims she felt then the way I do now but I don't believe it. She also said it took her awhile to bloom in the bosom area when I was 13 too. I found pictures later to prove she lied. LOL She just tried to make me feel better!

[6packofun]

It's unfortunate that I won't feel grown-up until we own our own home because it will probably never happen. lol

[Mommyof4ks]

when I had to make the decision to take my mom off of life support. It was 15 years ago, my mom had fallen from a ladder and hit her head and her brain stem and was brain dead. I had just gotten married 6 months before and was living in NJ with dh. Both he and I were on a flight to Texas within an hour of getting the call. The hospital was keeping my mom on life support just until I got there (there was no hope for her to survive). But they said since I was the oldest child (my father had been long gone since I was a child and was believed to be dead himself) so the hospital said that I had to make the decision to take mom off life support. My brother that is a year younger than me said NO to taking her off and my youngest brother who was in his first year of college was in a state of shock said that he would agree to what ever any decision I made. Well I made the decision and my brother who is a year younger than me has not spoken to me since and that was 15 years ago. Also he refused to make any of the decisions regarding the funeral or handling the insurance, mom's house (I did give him the house as he had children and needed a house) so I had to handle everything. I ended up gaining 50 pounds over the next year due to the stress. Anyway, that is when I realized that sometimes grown-ups such as I had become have to make hard decisions.

 

p.s. I felt extreme guilt for a long time even tho I know and believe that I had no other choice than the choice that I made

 

Jeannie-

 

Hugs to you. That must have been a very difficult decision for you especially being that you were so young at the time. :grouphug: