How to have a “normal” wedding for <$10,000

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

No, that makes sense, although for me eating before six isn't that odd. I do firmly believe any reception that is not a full meal should explicitly state so on the invitation. So "join us for cocktails and light hors d'oeuvres" or "punch and cake reception" or "a dancing and dessert buffett to follow". That way there is no confusion. Too often I arrive at parties having fed my family to find out that they are serving a meal -despite it being a 2-4pm party! Or vice versa, which is even worse. 

So I personally think it totally fine to have a 7pm wedding with a "dancing and dessert reception" following, and people will eat at 5pm. But, I know norms vary. Also, if you have lots of small children you expect to attend then a wedding that late would be very difficult for them. 

 

In our case, it’s more the elderly people to consider. My parents basically don’t drive at night at all now. My niece is getting married tommorow and my mom and dad have both hinted they may not be there. 

[marbel]

1 hour ago, happysmileylady said:

There's generally a whole lot going on at a wedding reception and most folks aren't paying enough attention until something goes wrong.  Not everyone pays attention to the cake or the cake cutting thing.  Lighting is usually pretty low.  People are eating and dancing and eating and dancing and talking and eating.  And many are half drunk.  Many step outside for a smoke at just that time.  Etc etc etc.  

Sure, it's unlikely that everyone is paying attention, but some will be. And usually the people who are paying attention are the people who will be critical, lol.  Maybe I took the word "hiding" too literally but I think it's important not to make any guests feel like some of the guests are getting something better than others.  

This isn't about cake, but it's similar. At a wedding my then-fiance and I attended it became clear very quickly that we were part of the "B" list of invited guests. There were was a definite difference in the tables/tableware the farther away from the head table, and we were very far away.  The dinner was roast turkey, and we could see turkeys being carved while the obvious "A" people were in the buffet line. By the time our table got there, the carved turkey was gone, replaced by something similar to cheap deli turkey.  Either they didn't plan enough food - which seems odd since it was catered, there were assigned seats, etc. which indicates a level of planning, or - and what seemed more obvious - they had certain (better) food for certain (more important) people.  It became more obvious later, when the bride and groom went around and greeted people in the "A" area, but never made it to the "B" area.

I think that was one of the crystallizing moments in our wedding planning. We didn't want anyone to feel lesser, so we had no assigned seats, no head table, and lots of beautiful food scattered around the room so everyone could help themselves without waiting in lines or having their tables invited up.  

 

Edited July 27, 2019 by marbel

[G5052]

24 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

So I personally think it totally fine to have a 7pm wedding with a "dancing and dessert reception" following, and people will eat at 5pm. But, I know norms vary. Also, if you have lots of small children you expect to attend then a wedding that late would be very difficult for them. 

 

A friend of mine's daughter had what was supposed to be a late afternoon outdoor wedding in July with a self-catered dinner and dancing afterwards. Everything ran late because they were doing it themselves. So the ceremony was two hours late, and then we finally ate dinner at 10pm. I came alone because we had a preschooler that I knew would have a meltdown with a sitter and was pregnant. Waiting outside under a tree for so long and being hugely pregnant was hard. I went to my car several times to run the A.C. and cool down. When dinner was finally served, I ate and left not long after that with many of the guests. I think just their agemates and family stayed.

[school17777]

@Quill

(tried to send this as a message to you, but got message that you can’t receive a message)

Hi Quill,

I see your dd got engaged and you are planning a wedding!  Same here.  Our oldest, same age as your dd, got engaged 2 weeks ago.  We visited a venue this week.  I’ll be looking over your post.

Edited July 27, 2019 by school17777

[Guest]

@school17777 thanks for that. I always let my inbox get full because I hate deleting old messages. 🙂 I’ll look you up on FB. 

I should clarify that dd is not actually engaged yet; I just don’t think a ring is far off and I like to have my gameplan. Weddings can be so intense around here. 

😞 on your feeling left out of the planning. I hope that changes. 

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, G5052 said:

 

A friend of mine's daughter had what was supposed to be a late afternoon outdoor wedding in July with a self-catered dinner and dancing afterwards. Everything ran late because they were doing it themselves. So the ceremony was two hours late, and then we finally ate dinner at 10pm. I came alone because we had a preschooler that I knew would have a meltdown with a sitter and was pregnant. Waiting outside under a tree for so long and being hugely pregnant was hard. I went to my car several times to run the A.C. and cool down. When dinner was finally served, I ate and left not long after that with many of the guests. I think just their agemates and family stayed.

That’s pretty much my worst wedding nightmare. I would rather have buckets of chicken from KFC than have people waiting so late! 

 

[school17777]

1 minute ago, Quill said:

@school17777 thanks for that. I always let my inbox get full because I hate deleting old messages. 🙂 I’ll look you up on FB. 

I should clarify that dd is not actually engaged yet; I just don’t think a ring is far off and I like to have my gameplan. Weddings can be so intense around here. 

😞 on your feeling left out of the planning. I hope that changes. 

 

I was wondering how I missed that announcement!  I was the opposite and refused to plan until there was a ring. That may be why I’m left out of the planning as they started talking about it before the ring. 

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, school17777 said:

 

I was wondering how I missed that announcement!  I was the opposite and refused to plan until there was a ring. That may be why I’m left out of the planning as they started talking about it before the ring. 

Aww. My dd and her bf have been together forever, so it’s not really like a surprise thing on “will he propose?” I mean, he obviously will. I don’t know when, but she leaves for France this fall so, it wouldn’t surprise me if it is before then. 

Dd has a Pinterest full of wedding stuff, lol. 

[Guest]

I did mine at a church camp, which had a nice little chapel and a dining hall that had the non-disposable tableware, etc. The camp also provided housing for those coming farther away-and the rental, for the cluster of buildings normally used by summer camps, which included the dining hall, a chapel, a few cabins, and some camping space, plus lots of folding chairs and tables was honestly less than my parents' church would have been. And nothing short of a huge wedding with a ton of flowers looks good in my parents' church, because it's such a big, Gothic, imposing building. Our smaller, less frilly wedding looked much better in the camp venue.  

The other thing we did that really reduced costs was to offer the boy scout and girl scout troops the opportunity to camp during the wedding weekend. They got to use the venue, since we had it anyway, and we provided food for them for the meals they didn't want to cook themselves. In exchange, they provided a LOT of help-cleaning, setting up tables and chairs, washing dishes, serving, decorating...honestly, they did more than we had expected-pretty much if anyone started anything, we had a scout who wanted to do it or at least help :). I'd babysat or taught VBS or Sunday school for most of the kids, so it was kind of neat having them at my wedding, too. (And they definitely enjoyed decorating the car....)

Obviously, this makes a less formal wedding, but it worked for what we wanted while still having all the features expected. 

[Guest]

47 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

If you don't want to serve a meal, you really have to be clear that the times don't include it.  That means maybe the wedding at 1:30 and the reception from 2:30 to 5.

Yeah, but this is what I already witnessed with one wedding. It was clear from the times, and it was clear from the tiny plates and “stations” for food scattered about. But people ate all the food anyway. 

I think you would have to say it on the invitation, but that also reads as kind of tacky to me, so I don’t know. I think people are going to be hingry almost no matter what, unless you are getting married at hometown church and all your guests are very local hometown people. *shrug* 

[catz]

6 minutes ago, Quill said:

Yeah, but this is what I already witnessed with one wedding. It was clear from the times, and it was clear from the tiny plates and “stations” for food scattered about. But people ate all the food anyway. 

I think you would have to say it on the invitation, but that also reads as kind of tacky to me, so I don’t know. I think people are going to be hingry almost no matter what, unless you are getting married at hometown church and all your guests are very local hometown people. *shrug* 

I've seen invitations with inserts with wording like

Following the 7 pm ceremony, Light hors d'oeuvres and dessert will be served 

So the invite didn't say Hey people, we're not serving you  a meal.  But it also kind of laid out expectations that you shouldn't show up starving.  And when when the food is gone, it's gone.  If you don't have budget to feed everyone a meal, I think it's fine.  I think it's fine to have a smaller guest list too to work with your budget.  I just think it's good not to invest a lot of emotional energy in making everyone who might be invited perfectly happy.  

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

“She leaves for France this fall...”

Is he going with?   Is this a semester abroad sort of thing?

 

If she is going to another country, for a specific but extended period of time, and he is not going with her.....I am going to jump on the waiting a bit train.  

There is a LOT that can happen when a young adult travels overseas for multiple months.  Even if he proposes before she leaves, AND she says yes, there is still a possibility that a wedding doesn’t happen. Either of them could meet someone.  And I am not talking about cheating just meeting someone.  Or she might gain a lot of maturity and world view while out there.  or Something else.   

 

Its still good to think ahead and save, just don’t get to the laying out deposits stage until she’s back.   IMNSHO

Well, of course I wouldn’t put down deposits while she’s in another country. I’m also not going to do all the legwork here while she’s away - no way! 

I do have a lot of confidence in the solidity of their relationship, though. She has already spent months in France without him; this will be her second time. Of course, anything could happen and one never knows. But if I had to place a wager, I would bet they do get married. 

He cannot go to France with her (though he certainly might visit, as he did last time she was there); he has a nice job here. 

[Guest]

15 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

I've seen invitations with inserts with wording like

Following the 7 pm ceremony, Light hors d'oeuvres and dessert will be served 

So the invite didn't say Hey people, we're not serving you  a meal.  But it also kind of laid out expectations that you shouldn't show up starving.  And when when the food is gone, it's gone.  If you don't have budget to feed everyone a meal, I think it's fine.  I think it's fine to have a smaller guest list too to work with your budget.  I just think it's good not to invest a lot of emotional energy in making everyone who might be invited perfectly happy.  

Yeah, you’re not wrong about not trying to make everyone happy. But. I don’t see any way to have a small guest list, unless it was like, a really small guest list/destination wedding. Like, the kind where you have your two best friends, a sibling or two, and your parents. But if the guest list is going to include the “normal” people - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, good friends of the parents, good friends of the couple, the bride and grooms siblings and their partners, that’s automatically going to be a lot of people. Remember, I’m the 70-invite grad party member, here, lol! Dd has nineteen first cousins. Not including their spouses/partners. The families are big. And I know she wants to have all her good friends invited. 

[Beth S]

We DIYed our dd's 300 guest wedding, with a cold lunch in the (nice) church basement.
We DIYed our son's rehearsal dinner (70 guests) as a hot sandwich supper in the backyard of a (nice) friend's giant backyard.

You've gotten some GREAT advice, which may or may not be heeded by your DD & her future fiancee.

I will add a strong (but Unpopular!) suggestion to Limit The Number of Bridesmaids (& groomsmen). 
The arguments for a large party (our son's had FOURTEEN people!) are usually that the attendants buy their own outfits, not wanting to exclude, etc.
But the large bridal party ends up creating a huge rehearsal dinner, flowers, hair/makeup, logistics.
Each attendant brings a date, flower girl brings parents, etc.
Usually this is more of an issue with the bridesmaids than for the groomsmen.

IMO, there are other ways to ask friends to participate in the wedding--they can do readings, music, have a part in the reception, etc.
And usually there becomes a bit of resentment when the attendants have to pay a lot of money to be in the bridal party.

BTDT---obviously, your family will be working through lots of compromises in the days ahead, regardless of the budget and timing!
My best advice is to cultivate a give-and-take relationship with a friend---offer to help her when she's the MOB, so she will help you when you're the MOB!  😉

Edited July 28, 2019 by Beth S

[Carol in Cal.]

1 hour ago, marbel said:

.  

This isn't about cake, but it's similar. At a wedding my then-fiance and I attended it became clear very quickly that we were part of the "B" list of invited guests. There were was a definite difference in the tables/tableware the farther away from the head table, and we were very far away.  The dinner was roast turkey, and we could see turkeys being carved while the obvious "A" people were in the buffet line. By the time our table got there, the carved turkey was gone, replaced by something similar to cheap deli turkey.  Either they didn't plan enough food - which seems odd since it was catered, there were assigned seats, etc. which indicates a level of planning, or - and what seemed more obvious - they had certain (better) food for certain (more important) people.  It became more obvious later, when the bride and groom went around and greeted people in the "A" area, but never made it to the "B" area.

I think that was one of the crystallizing moments in our wedding planning. We didn't want anyone to feel lesser, so we had no assigned seats, no head table, and lots of beautiful food scattered around the room so everyone could help themselves without waiting in lines or having their tables invited up.  

 

This is unbelievably rude.  I have literally never heard of such a thing.  Appalling.

[WendyLady]

We’ve had two daughters get married over the last 3 years. Weddings just are expensive. We diy’d as much as possible and kept things very simple (no formal meal, no alcohol, grandparents’ farm as venue) and still spend around $5000 each. 

Thoughts on saving money:

- buy the wedding dress sooner than later, so that cost feels like it’s not part of the big wedding cost. (I know that’s not money savings, but it helped us.)  

- I made both veils. One was just tulle, the other I hand stitched beads around the hem. Tulle is super cheap and they were not too hard to do. Veil prices are crazy! And they are often very simple.  My mom and I also did the hemming of the dresses. My mom worked in a dress shop when my sisters and I were getting married, and wouldn’t let us pay the $300 to have someone move the lower edge of lace and hem.  I helped her and it was not hard sewing, just slow by hand.  Anything more involved than the hem, and we would have had the dress shop do it.

- we asked our girls to pay for their own photographer as their contribution to the wedding. They were able to find young college students who were awesome photographers but just starting out, building their portfolio.

- in Utah, where they were both married, there’s a trend of having “bridal photographs” done a week or so before the wedding. These are those “first look” pictures of the groom seeing the bride in her gown, and lots of other photos of the couple in a very beautiful location. That took a lot of pressure off of the wedding day photography and is something that you could totally do yourself. Then hire out for the day-of photos. 

- you can order bulk flowers from sams club. They are beautiful flowers and the cost cannot be beat. So many different options from flowers to filler. You schedule the day they are delivered, so you can decide when they arrive - some flowers need a day or two to open. My sister is a florist and helped me figure out what to order and did the arranging, including the bridal bouquets - she was awesome! But I just helped with a reception where my friend ordered loads of flowers from sams club.  She had a huge variety of vases (all glass or crystal, but not matching), and the bride and her mom and other volunteers just snipped and arranged flowers into various vases and swags. It looked amazing even without a “real” florist.  They ordered the bouquet and coursages, but made simple boutonnières for the men. 

- sams also makes a simple stacked wedding cake. One of our girls used that with a couple of different flavored small round cakes (from a different bakery) so they could have a cute wedding cake to cut, but also have different flavors of cake to serve. Another daughter did a small stacked wedding cake from a nice local bakery and we baked cupcakes in 3 flavors. I got up early the day before the wedding and baked all the cupcakes. 200 cupcakes is only 8 batches, and the oven I was using could fit 2 full batches. So that was like 2 hours of baking. That’s easy!  Then we frosted them all that evening. With big tips and lots of help, it didn’t take long at all. I made sure to have a frosting recipe that used the amount of powdered sugar in a box or bag (can’t remember) and full cubes of butter, so there wasn’t too much actual measuring. You can buy cupcake boxes from your local grocery store bakery for just a couple dollars. They stack well. And cupcakes keep well in a cool basement. But I think cupcakes are sort of going out of style, so I don’t see us doing that again for future weddings.

- we bought tablecloths online somewhere for cheaper than renting. My sister spent days ironing out the creases from the packaging. We discovered later that running the tablecloths through the laundry (they were machine washable) made them practically wrinkle free... Both daughters used the same basic ivory round tablecloths. They still look good and have washed well. A niece will use them later this year. We made centerpiece squares to match their wedding colors. Simple. 

- my parents’ neighbor had white folding chairs and table rounds we were able to borrow. We rented more, but that helped. Ask around - you never know what your friends and neighbors might have. 

- I have 6 sisters and they were all able to come and help at both weddings, along with my mom. It still would have been nice to have a wedding planner to think about the details and sort of boss around the helpers! There was just too much going on in my head, but Ive worked as an event planner and thought I’d be fine. With the second wedding I did a better job of assigning tasks and not feeling so crazy. Maybe a good friend could be that person? 

- I don’t know how to keep food costs down for a sit down dinner. Food was our biggest expense and we did a crepe bar and finger foods for one wedding, and sandwich fixings and finger foods for the other.  My friend’s son got married a couple weeks ago. They hosted the rehearsal dinner at a cost of about $30/person - she felt like that was a pretty good deal.

- it’s harder than you think to find bridesmaid dresses in the same shade (but different dresses.) We did that for one wedding, ordering pink dresses in different styles. You think the different shades will be nice, but some just look bad together. That took some time to order and get the various shades right. For the second wedding, dd just chose a dress she liked and the bridesmaids ordered it in their size. That was cute, too, and easier to manage. These were fairly casual, not semi formal. 

- I’m hoping it’s a few years until we do this again. But I’m also hoping dd#3 will be willing to use her grandparents berry farm for the venue along with those ivory table cloths! Haha! Dh says he’s doing pulled pork and all the fixin’s for the next wedding. I’m not sure about that...

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

This is unbelievably rude.  I have literally never heard of such a thing.  Appalling.

Agree. That was horrible behavior. 

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, WendyLady said:

in Utah, where they were both married, there’s a trend of having “bridal photographs” done a week or so before the wedding. These are those “first look” pictures of the groom seeing the bride in her gown, and lots of other photos of the couple in a very beautiful location. That took a lot of pressure off of the wedding day photography and is something that you could totally do yourself. Then hire out for the day-of photos. 

This is what I have in mind to do myself. 

ETA: when my dd was in a wedding, they did photos at a cemetary, lol, which seems almost horrible, but in the photos, it’s not horrible. Just pictures in a beautiful park with a lake and a fountain, lol. 

Edited July 27, 2019 by Quill

[WendyLady]

Just now, Quill said:

This is what I have in mind to do myself. 

I think that would be lovely. You can control the time of day and lighting and background so much easier than you can in a church or after a wedding. Plus they are not rushed or anxious!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I do think that if none of your guests will be able to fathom the idea of not being served a full meal (which can be regional, class, cultural, and/or religious), you cannot just put out cookies and sandwiches and hope for the best. 

Likewise, if there are to be local relatives, you can't ignore closer degreed relatives who happen to live farther away, who have been in your lives all along.

So if there's no getting around proper food that will be interpreted as a meal, and a you can't help having a large enough wedding to include Grandma and Grandpa and the two aunts from Belgium, AND the out-of-towners must be put up or hosted...

then you make some hard decisions about deejays, alcohol, and party favors. 

Same principle as our backyard BBQ millennials - decide what really matters, and then be ruthless about the rest. People first - comfort of bride, groom, and guests. Whomever you DO have, must be treated well.

[Jenny in Florida]

So, acknowledging that we got married more than a couple of decades ago and we had a smaller wedding than you are aiming for (about 50 guests), but here--in no particular order--are some of the things we did:

• My dress was from my favorite designer, but was from her bridesmaid collection. (I didn't want white, anyway, so it worked.)
• I did my own hair and make-up, just like every other day of my life. It wouldn't have occurred to me to pay a professional. 
• Each of us had only one attendant. My maid of honor bought a dress she liked that was an appropriate color. The best man wore a suit he already owned and a neutral color shirt; we bought him a tie in the right color.
• I baked our cake. That didn't come about as a cost-saving measure, but because I couldn't find anyone who could bake to accommodate my dietary restrictions. However, it definitely saved us money. (Unexpected bonus was that I then baked a mini-version using the same recipe for a lot of our early anniversaries.)
• We had the reception in our apartment. We had recently moved in and hadn't yet managed to either make a huge mess of the place or even fill it with a lot of stuff. Plenty of room, especially since my husband, who does not dance, was adamant that dancing not be a feature of the reception.
• We cleared all of the furniture out of the living room and put in rented tables and chairs.
• I hate cut flowers, because it makes me sad when they die. So we used big pots of ivy as centerpieces. I bought big rolls of inexpensive ribbon and tied a big bow on each pot. 
• Something that wasn't planned but worked out in our favor was that we got married in February and chose forest green, neutrals and gold as our colors, with ivy as a sort of motif. This meant that I was able to scavenge all kinds of supplies and decor from after-Christmas clearance sales. 
• Similarly, we knew we wanted chocolates from a particular place as favors. When I went into the store in November or December to find out about costs and when we needed to place our order, I noticed that their holiday packaging for that year happened to be forest green. They agreed to set aside some of the two-piece boxes for me to use in February. We tied some of my discount ribbon around each box, and scattered them on the tables around the pots of ivy.
• We did our flowers, using nice artificial (fabric) flowers, except for ordering boutonnieres for my husband and his best man and a corsage for my mother-in-law.
• My husband had some some freelance work for a local florist, who cut us a deal on the boutonnieres and corsage for my mother-in-law and my maid of honor, as well as the potted ivies.
• We bought a ton of strands of artificial ivy, which we strung all over the apartment along with twinkle lights (again bought on after-holiday sales). 
• We got married on a Sunday evening at the church where we were then members. They did charge us something, but it was pretty nominal.
• I had been a founding member of the church's choir, and the other choir members and choir directors provided the music as their gift to us.
• We designed our own invitations and programs. I bought stationery on sale/using coupons, and my then-employer offered to let me print them on the office printer.
• We did a dessert buffet, which was elegant and not terribly expensive. I made a few things myself, and we ordered a platter of cookies from a bakery /coffee bar where we were semi-regulars. Again, the owner gave us a good deal, because she knew (and presumably liked) us.

Again, this was 25-ish years ago, with fewer guests than you are looking for and no sit-down meal, but we spent $3,000 on the whole shebang.

Two things we did to save money that I regret:

1. We did not hire a photographer, opting to provide a bunch of disposable cameras for our guests and banking on the idea that 50 people taking pictures would result in at least a few decent photos.
   We were wrong.
   Then we figured we would get dressed up in our wedding garb and go have good professional studio photos taken "as soon as we could afford it." However, I got pregnant, like, immediately and have never been able to fit back into that dress. So we ended up with no photos I like.
2. Also, we did not think ahead about who would be serving, replenishing or cleaning up the food. As happens at any party, I ended up in the kitchen setting out food and refilling platters, and then my poor mother-in-law got stuck with the clean-up after we left. 

I hope that might at least spark some ideas.

[Faith-manor]

Quill, you'll want to price out - if you are not doing the cooking yourself - the cost of buffet vs. sit down. It varies by region. Around here people eat HUGE a buffets, like you'd think they hadn't eaten in days. The venues/caterers cook a vast amount of food in order to accommodate this. They charge more per head than a plated meal where they control portion sizes, and only one meat - guests have to choose between options when they RSVP - so even though they have to pay some servers, it's often still less expensive. Now that's because locally waitstaff is pretty low key. This is not 4 or 5 star dining, and it's usually fish or chicken for the choice, and when I say fish, I mean a cheap fish for Michigan like Walleye, Tillapia, or in the UP, Lake Superior Whitefish which if prepped well, is actually quite delicious. If though you live in a region in which people eat more light as rule at such events and the venue does not have to prepare enough food to feed an army platoon, then a plated meal might be more money. Also, check out the beverage rules. Many times the per head cost does not cover any beverages but water, tea, and coffee. You just have to go to more than one place and have it priced out for you. I went with the caterer locally that was the best price because we had such a tight budget, and she brought some very undertrained kitchen staff that overloaded the first 45 plates that went out, then she was scrambling to scale back servings for the last 30, and actually, I was the last one to get food. All that was left was 2 ounces of fish, one heaping tablespoon of green beans, one asparagus stalk, a quarter cup of herbed potatoes, and no salad. I had worked my tail off that day and hadn't eaten yet. I thought I was going to drop, and then bam, maybe 200 calories of food. Dh ended up so concerned that he ordered a GF pizza for me, ran up to the pizzeria to get it, and I sat in the back of the kitchen snarfing down some food so that I'd have the energy to clean up. And all of these vendors have to be paid in full before the event begins or they don't provide. So, I didn't have a lot of recourse. The best I could do was leave a bad review. There was no apology from her or her staff.

How long in advance can you plan? Bridal stores have inventory sales twice per year. It's cash and carry so you have to find someone else to do alterations, be sure you have that lined up before grabbing an off rack that kind of fits. But it is a way to save quite a bit of money. They are often 50% or more less than in season. Getting a dress in a short period of time is NOT your friend. You'll pay expedited shipping - often $100 or more - and double the price for being bumped up to the top of the alterations list. Simple cuts like an a-line with halter style bodice is much easier to alter, and the less lace the better. Ball gowns, mermaid/trumpet cuts, bodices with lots of stays....these are all going to cost a lot more to alter.

I think that if you need to feed that many people and you feel obligated to spend a fair amount on food, plus you want a super professional photographer, then you need to do everything else fairly DIY, all the decorating, etc. and just try to find a venue that is pretty cheap, but has table service so you don't have to rent it. That's the tough thing because something like the VFW hall might work, but many times their kitchens are not well stocked since they tend to do those big carry out meals all using paper products.

[Faith-manor]

Also, on record as strongly against party favors. I don't know when this became a "thing" for adults but seriously, just blech.....

If you feel compelled to do it, you can get little organza bags online, wait for Halloween candy like Hersheys or Kisses or whatever to go on sale, stock up, and put five pieces in each bag. It will set you back enough as it is. I just don't know why this is a thing. I guess though that with rich folks, they like to give something as a thank you to their friends who all spent hundreds of dollars a piece for wedding gifts. But, I really just wish this would go the way of the dodo.

Also, Michaels has nosegay size bouquets each season in seasonal colors. They go on sale at the end of each season for 40-50% off which means something like $6.00 each. Get some ribbon and wrap the stems so they look even nicer. If you have a small bridal party, you might find a set of corsages and boutonnieres on Amazon for a very reasonable price and save you the headache of making them. I used to do silk flowers professional so I can make big, gorgeous bouquets very rapidly. But if you are inexperienced, it can be quite time consuming and a bit frustrating. You'll have to invest in good wire cutters, small and large, floral tape, floral wire, floral pins, etc. and you'll spend a lot to get started on it, and often have a lot left over. This stuff tends to come in bulk so for someone doing it professionally, no worries it will get used. For the DIY one and done, it's a lot of leftovers. I really don't think that bridesmaid bouquets need to be huge. Oh, I've seen huge ones, and I've made them for brides that insisted. But even with silks on sale, the cost often came to $50 and then my labor on top of it. The bridal bouquet had so much "bling" in it - antique brooches and such - that the raw cost was $150, and it was quite a monstrosity to assemble! I charged her $300.00. Her mother never gave any indication that his was crazy when she paid the bill. It was my job to give them what they wanted, but honestly...just wow! Some of the things I witnessed when I was doing this professionally........yowza!

The other thing is that gossamer and twinkle lights go a very long way to create an elegant look without spending a gob of money. It's also lightweight so it will adhere to walls with those removable 3M hooks. You can get a huge roll of gossamer from shindigz.com, and it comes in a ton of colors. It doesn't look impressive on the roll. Really. But you double it so you can gather it, and drape the twinkle lights behind it. Seriously, you can create an ambiance in a room that looks like you spent a TON of money, and you didn't. Get those white lights the day after Christmas, and you save a ton. We did that all around the room (the venue had fairly not great looking beat up paneling), and it masked the ugly, and everyone thought it cast a lovely glow with the lights out.

[Annie G]

It’s easy to underestimate how fast the little expenses will add up. You get a venue but then want to add lights or decorations.  If you want assigned seating at the reception the little cards will cost some money. Bridal makeup, hair, nails, etc.  Postage for both invites and thank you cards. Outfits for the bride for rehearsal dinner, going away outfit.  Gifts for the bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, etc.  Gratuities for serving staff, etc. Delivery fees for cakes, linens, etc. Shoes and jewelry for the wedding day. Alterations for the dress.   I can see just these little things eating 10% of your budget. 

You’re smart to think ahead so you can consider these kinds of expenses. Hope you have a great time helping Dd plan her wedding!

[Ottakee]

My daughter is getting married in 8 weeks.   

One thing we did for the caterer is she chose a "picnic" menu vs a "wedding" menu.  Price was almost half and we will have lots of food.  My friend did the same thing and just said she needed burgers and sides for 180 people and it was way cheaper than ordering from the "wedding" choices.

We are using a county Park with a building for ceremony and reception.

For cake we are ordering  2 costco sheet cakes and then getting a small 2 layer (NOT wedding as that is $$$$) cake from a local grocery store. 

[Bluegoat]

Things I did to save:

I didn't wear a traditional wedding dress. It was just a dress that I loved. 

My bridesmaids were my sisters, they worse dresses they already had.  My dh's groomsman and dh worse suits (which is more appropriate anyway for an earlier wedding.)

I did not buy flower decorations for the church, which was already beautiful, or the reception area, which was on the sea and also very nice. The only ones we had were for the wedding party.

No favours.  The vast majority I have seen are wasted, and people don't care, often don't notice, if they aren't there.

My step-dad welcomed people and gave any necessary directions, we didn't hire anyone.

I had very few photographs.  I have come to the conclusion that quantity is not actually very important here.

No rented cars or professional make-up.

I did have some luck with a cheap venue which was a club my in-laws belonged to, and my uncle's band played for a pretty reasonable fee.  But other than that, it was a matter of figuring out which things didn't matter much - to some extent I found thinking in terms of waste helped.  Food is never a waste, music and dancing.  A dress of a kind that will never be worn again and uses a ton of materials, or a tux that does not look better than a suit, favours, those seemed wasteful, things that were just about doing what is expected not what really makes it a fun event.

 

[Selkie]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

Yeah, you’re not wrong about not trying to make everyone happy. But. I don’t see any way to have a small guest list, unless it was like, a really small guest list/destination wedding. Like, the kind where you have your two best friends, a sibling or two, and your parents. But if the guest list is going to include the “normal” people - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, good friends of the parents, good friends of the couple, the bride and grooms siblings and their partners, that’s automatically going to be a lot of people. Remember, I’m the 70-invite grad party member, here, lol! Dd has nineteen first cousins. Not including their spouses/partners. The families are big. And I know she wants to have all her good friends invited. 

Believe it or not, my dh has upwards of 80 (yes, 80!) first cousins. His parents came from families of 10 and 12 kids, and most of them had a lot of kids. We only invited a select group of his relatives to our wedding, but there was still something like 300 people there.

[Guest]

57 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Also, on record as strongly against party favors. I don't know when this became a "thing" for adults but seriously, just blech.....

I had the beginnings of a plan to get a whole bunch of 2” clay pots, paint them with chalkboard pain, glue or tie a burlap and lace piece of ribbon on it, and plant tiny succulents (which I have and can propogate) in them. Then, they could be both seating marker and favor. One per couple. So, on the chalkboard paint, we would write, “Sue and Mark Jones” and then sit them at the table where those guests are planned to sit. 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Selkie said:

Believe it or not, my dh has upwards of 80 (yes, 80!) first cousins. His parents came from families of 10 and 12 kids, and most of them had a lot of kids. We only invited a select group of his relatives to our wedding, but there was still something like 300 people there.

My emoji really means “WOW!” But I had to pick laughing. 

[teachermom2834]

A wedding I went to recently had succulents as a favor. They were very nice but hardly anyone took them! I kept thinking how bad they would feel to have gone to that trouble and seen them left behind. 

But your idea is fantastic. Very classy and also serves a function and people will be much more likely to actually take it with their name on it. And one per couple is appropriate and a cost saver. Very nice idea and very classy and not wasteful.

[Frances]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

I had the beginnings of a plan to get a whole bunch of 2” clay pots, paint them with chalkboard pain, glue or tie a burlap and lace piece of ribbon on it, and plant tiny succulents (which I have and can propogate) in them. Then, they could be both seating marker and favor. One per couple. So, on the chalkboard paint, we would write, “Sue and Mark Jones” and then sit them at the table where those guests are planned to sit. 

I love this idea! Normally I am not into stuff at all, but I do have a weakness for tiny things, and can picture this on my kitchen windowsill. 😀Although personally I would prefer it with no name and be allowed to choose my own seat.

[moonflower]

In basic terms, I would say that there is often a "wedding" version of things that also have a non-wedding version.  To get a "normal" semi-formal wedding that doesn't cost as much, you have to find the non-wedding version of the things.

For example, bridesmaid dresses from David's Bridal or wherever are like $150 or so.  Get them from somewhere cheap online (direct from China, maybe) and they're like $75.  You might think wow, only $75, great deal!  No, that is a terrible deal.  $75 for a dress is not a good deal.  What you need is a semi-formal dress that is not the "wedding" version but is indistinguishable to the casual observer.  My sister told her bridesmaids to pick a dress from a range of colors (which matched her bouquet loosely, basically reds, oranges, pinks, yellows) and it turned out great; they're all starving artists in NYC so they found used dresses at thrift stores.  No one spent $75. 

For flower girls, the look is often a little more specific, but luckily there are approximately a million used flower girl dresses out there, because people only use them once or twice and they also look like first communion dresses, so even more dresses that people only use once or twice.  You can spend $100 or $70 on one or you can get one used for $5.  

My sister (who did have a "normal" wedding for about $10k) spent $700 I think on her wedding dress, which my mom paid for.  I thought it was insane, but whatever.  You can get a wedding dress used for a lot less than $700 but she wanted the shopping around at boutiques and trying them on experience and everything.

 

[catz]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

I had the beginnings of a plan to get a whole bunch of 2” clay pots, paint them with chalkboard pain, glue or tie a burlap and lace piece of ribbon on it, and plant tiny succulents (which I have and can propogate) in them. Then, they could be both seating marker and favor. One per couple. So, on the chalkboard paint, we would write, “Sue and Mark Jones” and then sit them at the table where those guests are planned to sit. 

This sounds really cute.  But it also seems really specific for a wedding not yet actually in planning stages.  I would have been irritated with my mom if she was thinking this far ahead while we were planning.  I also think there is some merit to just up front being very clear and saying (in nicer words of course)

 here are X dollars for your wedding

these items are important to us - having a real meal of some kind,  inviting aunts and uncles and first cousins (or whatever),etc

this is what we would like to be help with if you want - pre wedding photos, wedding dress shopping, favors, etc   You could possibly set aside some money for these items   

if you want more hands on help let us know   

I actually think this exercise with budget and compromise yet the ability to show some personality in their choices is really healthy for young couples.   I also think you are much less likely to go over budget if you are clear up front and they are the ones needing to compromise or organizing some DIY.  When you’re facing down a bunch of bids it is hard to say no.  More cooks can lead to more conflicts.  If they come in under budget, they will be ahead.  And if they want more, they can pay for it on their own.   

Anyway, if that doesn’t resonate for your family vibe, feel free to disregard.  I’ve just seen a fair amount of conflicts and head butting over budget with friends kids weddings and more so when a parent or parents are very highly invested in the minutiae and it can become nickel and diming.  

[Storygirl]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

I had the beginnings of a plan to get a whole bunch of 2” clay pots, paint them with chalkboard pain, glue or tie a burlap and lace piece of ribbon on it, and plant tiny succulents (which I have and can propogate) in them. Then, they could be both seating marker and favor. One per couple. So, on the chalkboard paint, we would write, “Sue and Mark Jones” and then sit them at the table where those guests are planned to sit. 

My sister did this for a baby shower. The pots were not clay, but some other cute material, and the plants were herbs that she propogated from seed. It was for far fewer people, and she didn't label them with names, but just let people take them as favors. It was very cute, but it did take some preparation. She was practically begging people to take multiples, so that she would not end up with many leftovers.

I thought it was an adorable idea, but I brought mine home and went on vacation soon after, and they died.

For my own wedding, I made bookmarks, which I designed. I had a stamp store make a stamp with our names and the wedding date, and I had another stamp made with a significant Bible verse, and I used a couple of other stamps that I alternated, so that each bookmark had three embossed stamps on it. I did multiple designs and colors. I felt that they represented who we are as a couple and also, I love books, so they were meaningful to me. So many people just left them on the table. In hindsight, I wished I had just ordered some bookmarks from a favor company that would make them for me. I invested a lot of time in something that was not really appreciated by the guests.

Although I love the flowerpot idea, I think it may also fall into the category of something that may not really be appreciated by the guests enough to make it worth the time it will take. Because only a small number of the guests will appreciate the plants in the way that you do. Just something to consider.

If will be meaningful to you and the wedding couple for you to have the pots as a table decoration, and you don't care whether the guests appreciate it or not, then it's a cute idea. I think it would go best with a more rustic kind of venue and theme. The shower my sister hosted had a woodland theme in all of the decor.

[TechWife]

Consider shopping at a consignment store or thrift store for your dress. The dresses come in from brides who bought the wrong dress and had to sell it and from brides who are now divorced and getting rid of the first dress. Buying it at a lower cost and taking it to a tailor if it needs alterations could save you a significant amount of money.

 

[Storygirl]

11 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

This sounds really cute.  But it also seems really specific for a wedding not yet actually in planning stages.  I would have been irritated with my mom if she was thinking this far ahead while we were planning.  I also think there is some merit to just up front being very clear and saying (in nicer words of course)

 here are X dollars for your wedding

these items are important to us - having a real meal of some kind,  inviting aunts and uncles and first cousins (or whatever),etc

this is what we would like to be help with if you want - pre wedding photos, wedding dress shopping, favors, etc   You could possibly set aside some money for these items   

if you want more hands on help let us know   

I actually think this exercise with budget and compromise yet the ability to show some personality in their choices is really healthy for young couples.   I also think you are much less likely to go over budget if you are clear up front and they are the ones needing to compromise or organizing some DIY.  When you’re facing down a bunch of bids it is hard to say no.  More cooks can lead to more conflicts.  If they come in under budget, they will be ahead.  And if they want more, they can pay for it on their own.   

Anyway, if that doesn’t resonate for your family vibe, feel free to disregard.  I’ve just seen a fair amount of conflicts and head butting over budget with friends kids weddings and more so when a parent or parents are very highly invested in the minutiae and it can become nickel and diming.  

This is a good point. I wanted to choose the favors and flowers, etc., for my own wedding. While I would have welcomed my mother's help in the process (I didn't get much help from her), I would not have wanted her to make these choices for me.

But I was older -- almost 30 -- and DH and I paid for most of it ourselves. I think our parents each offered us $1000.

My mom and I still each had frustrations about the wedding planning. She was hurt that I had the wedding at my church, instead of hers. She wanted to invite people that I had no connection with. She was irritated that I needed to limit the guest list and that I wanted to prioritize inviting my friends over hers. She expressed a fair amount of annoyance, even though she didn't offer me much help or support.

I am sure you won't be that way!!!! But also, don't be surprised when your daughter's ideas don't line up with yours. And it can be hard when the person paying and the person who considers the wedding her special day and wants it her way are not the same person. Offering a set amount of money, plus as much assistance with other things (shopping, design decisions, etc.) as she would be happy to receive, but then letting her be the primary planner is a way to reduce conflict.

Even if you decide not to do that, she should be the primary planner, unless she chooses to delegate things to you.

I know it's fun to dream and plan!! I am a dreamer and a planner myself. I will have to hold that in check when my own kids get married.

[TravelingChris]

11 hours ago, Quill said:

I know we have talked about this before and I know it varies greatly by region, but I want to bring up my own thread about how to do this. Oh, and I know “normal” also varies drastically, but I mean a wedding with probably 100-150 guests, with the features that are usually involved in weddings where I live: semi-formal to formal attire, flowers, reception with tables with linens and preferably not paper/plastic dinnerware, a meal, a dessert, photography, music/dj, drinks, dancing and a little favor gift for each attendee. 

One thing I wonder: how does one begin to try to identify a location that isn’t expensive? Especially since some venues have hidden rules like you have to use their caterers, or they charge more for a wedding than, say, a reunion. It’s really hard for me to be the least bit deceptive, but it seems sensible to me to call places (or have another person call) and ask as if it is a reunion of some sort, then call again for a wedding price, just to see if there is an upcharge for weddings. I have heard this about desserts, too. 

So sprinkle me with ideas. I have strong DIY tendencies, but I also know that DIYing for your own child’s wedding is really not simple and I have heard some horror stories, like someone who made hundreds of cupcakes before realizing she didn’t have a way to actually transport 200 cupcakes, nevermind that every horizontal surface in her house had cupcakes on it! 😂 When I got married in 1994, my very clever sister made all my flowers, though they were artificial, which made it fairly simple to do them ahead of time. 

I live in a low cost area.  We had a wedding for our daughter that was about 8 K, I think,  I believe with the same approximate number of attendees but we had the reception at our church's fellowship hall which cost about $300, we did have plastic and paper dinnerware, we did not have alcohol, and we did not give a favor gift to the guests.  The linens were also church linens too and we just paid for laundering them.  This was a wedding in early 2015, and my dd did a a lot of the work to make it affordable.  She chose a close out dress for 400, she found a cheap photographer,  cheap dj. we did some flowers with a florist but saved some money by doing some flowers on our own by ordering from Fresh Market, some red flower (can't remember if rose or carnations, and some ferns and baby\s breath and making the bouquets for the bridesmaids.  We also made some table decorations and church decorations with stuff we got from Hobby Lobby.  She also found an inexpensive way to do invitations too.

[prairiewindmomma]

9 hours ago, Lang Syne Boardie said:

100-150 guests

1. semi-formal to formal attire

2. flowers

3. reception with tables with linens and preferably not paper/plastic dinnerware

3. a meal, a dessert

4. photography

5. music/dj, dancing

6. drinks

7. a little favor gift for each attendee. 

 

There is a teeny tiny trend growing in the Midwest, amongst young people who have good jobs and a middle class future, but who also currently have $30-100k in student loans: Change the "normal." Have a wedding within their means, whether that means a backyard BBQ, a chapel, a tea and cake reception, no booze, no party favors...keeping whatever traditions they like, OR going for totally non-traditional but fun...and only inviting the people they really want instead of flying in obligatory guests to host for a weekend.

I hope it catches on. I think just embracing reality of costs, and deciding what they really care about, is a better look (and more fun) than a stressed out, cheaper materials and DIY version of a rich folks' (or high debt) wedding style.

I wouldn’t describe this as a teeny tiny trend, I think it is becoming a huge trend, and it’s one happening in some circles on either coast as well. 

It’s about breaking the formality mold and really celebrating the wedding with friends and family. 

The best ones pick 1-2 things to splurge on and let the rest happen inexpensively.

[prairiewindmomma]

I helped a friend throw together a small wedding on 72hrs notice almost two years ago. We took apart two Costco bouquets and used those for the boutonnières and for the bridal bouquet. We interlaced the remaining roses (we did one roses, one mixed green and white bouquet) into some greens we hung at the front (where the couple stood for the ceremony). With some floral tape and a bit of wire (for the roses) it all worked out. 

[Frances]

35 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I wouldn’t describe this as a teeny tiny trend, I think it is becoming a huge trend, and it’s one happening in some circles on either coast as well. 

It’s about breaking the formality mold and really celebrating the wedding with friends and family. 

The best ones pick 1-2 things to splurge on and let the rest happen inexpensively.

Every wedding except one that we’ve been to in the PNW in the last several years has been like this. So much fun and each one so unique! I actually felt bad for the couple at the one more traditional, formal wedding. They had so many empty tables with full place settings. They must have had lots of people RSVP yes and then not show up.

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I helped a friend throw together a small wedding on 72hrs notice almost two years ago. We took apart two Costco bouquets and used those for the boutonnières and for the bridal bouquet. We interlaced the remaining roses (we did one roses, one mixed green and white bouquet) into some greens we hung at the front (where the couple stood for the ceremony). With some floral tape and a bit of wire (for the roses) it all worked out. 

speaking of Costco - you can order flower in bouquets, etc. from Costco online.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, FuzzyCatz said:

This sounds really cute.  But it also seems really specific for a wedding not yet actually in planning stages.  I would have been irritated with my mom if she was thinking this far ahead while we were planning.  I also think there is some merit to just up front being very clear and saying (in nicer words of course)

  here are X dollars for your wedding

Yeah, I can see how some young women could be irritated with this, but I don’t think my dd is. We openly discuss wedding ideas and have been doing so for a year or two. We’ve discussed many details and many ways to keep costs down, as well as what didn’t work well with other weddings. We’re going to a wedding today, in fact, and I’m sure we will deliberate on details afterwards. 

I can’t really get behind the “here’s x dollars for your wedding” approach, because I am just about positive that if I do that, $10,000 won’t even be enough. I think the big elements have to be figured out first and then small things get filled in - or nixed, even - according to budget. 

When I got married, my parents did not provide a dollar, although some of my mom’s friends did help. We did not have catering because we couldn’t afford it, but my MIL and some aunties made and served the food. That was a nice thing, but I wouldn’t want that for my kid’s wedding. There were a lot of small sufferings due to my complete inexperience in planning a large-scale event. My mom practically never talked about wedding plans with me. (I need to give her props for this, though: she made all the bridesmaids dresses.) 

Anyway, I didn’t mean to ramble off on a tangent, but I think the bottom line is: I care about my dd’s wedding being nice. I’m not the kind of person who can just say, “this is all the money I have for it; do what you can with that.” 

[Pippen]

Locally it's common for brides to resell some decor, tablecloths, lights, etc after the wedding. Check ebay, Craigslist, and Facebook Marketplace.

I know a bride who used a local florist for the bridal party and family members and altar. All other flowers were purchased in bulk from Sam's Club and put together by a team of friends and family the morning of wedding. The Sam's Club flowers were very fresh and looked great. They also do wedding flowers, although I'm not sure how prices compare. 

https://www.samsclub.com/c/flowers/1240

I was at a winter wedding that served breakfast during the dinner hour. It was a lovely, comforting meal that guests loved and it cost less than typical wedding fare.

I f favors are done, I always prefer a small edible favor at weddings, because of the waste but also due to practicality. I currently have glasses with the name of a bride and groom in my cupboard from a recent wedding I attended. They will likely wind up in recycle.

 

[Jenny in Florida]

10 hours ago, Quill said:

I had the beginnings of a plan to get a whole bunch of 2” clay pots, paint them with chalkboard pain, glue or tie a burlap and lace piece of ribbon on it, and plant tiny succulents (which I have and can propogate) in them. Then, they could be both seating marker and favor. One per couple. So, on the chalkboard paint, we would write, “Sue and Mark Jones” and then sit them at the table where those guests are planned to sit. 

 

I think that sounds lovely. That way, it's both seating card and favor. I love two-fers!

Sounds like a lot of work, but not unmanageable, since you'll be able to do it a little bit at a time in advance.

Personally, I have nothing against favors if they are small and either useful or consumable. 

I recently went on a binge and watched all of the seasons of Four Weddings that are available on Hulu. I got fascinated by the tradition of the "cookie table." Apparently, in some cities in Pennsylvania, it's traditional to include as part of the reception a display of a bunch of different kinds of cookies, often baked by the bride's friends and family. In addition to eating some for dessert, guests are given some kind of cute to-go container--bag printed with the bride and groom's names and the wedding date, cardboard take-out boxed in the wedding colors, etc.--and encouraged to pack their choice of cookies to take home. 

So, again, two-fer, dessert and favor. And pretty minimal extra cost, work or planning.

Here's a good article about the cookie table tradition: https://www.tastecooking.com/pennsylvanias-best-wedding-tradition-cookie-table/

[marbel]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

<snip>

When I got married, my parents did not provide a dollar, although some of my mom’s friends did help. We did not have catering because we couldn’t afford it, but my MIL and some aunties made and served the food. That was a nice thing, but I wouldn’t want that for my kid’s wedding. There were a lot of small sufferings due to my complete inexperience in planning a large-scale event. My mom practically never talked about wedding plans with me. (I need to give her props for this, though: she made all the bridesmaids dresses.) 

<snip>

This just jumped out at me. I don't think you are like this but I know women who have planned their daughter's wedding to be the wedding the mom didn't get to have. That was an awkward sentence.  Moms who were unhappy with their own wedding because of things their parents did or didn't do, then often go on to overdo their own influence in their  daughter's wedding.

I can't say much about parental involvement in weddings. When I got married the first time, we went to the courthouse and then my husband's parents sponsored a lunch for the immediate families. Second time around, we were in our 30s and did it all ourselves.  My mom was happy not to have to help planning (she had had a courthouse wedding herself) and paid for our cake. 

So I don't know, between this and having the favors already figured out in your mind (does your daughter like the succulent idea?) I just thought I'd say this.  I'll say again I don't think you are like this, but as you know, people get pretty emotional over wedding planning.  

[Pam in CT]

re cookie table

2 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

...I recently went on a binge and watched all of the seasons of Four Weddings that are available on Hulu. I got fascinated by the tradition of the "cookie table." Apparently, in some cities in Pennsylvania, it's traditional to include as part of the reception a display of a bunch of different kinds of cookies, often baked by the bride's friends and family. In addition to eating some for dessert, guests are given some kind of cute to-go container--bag printed with the bride and groom's names and the wedding date, cardboard take-out boxed in the wedding colors, etc.--and encouraged to pack their choice of cookies to take home. 

So, again, two-fer, dessert and favor. And pretty minimal extra cost, work or planning.

Here's a good article about the cookie table tradition: https://www.tastecooking.com/pennsylvanias-best-wedding-tradition-cookie-table/

 

We went to a wedding in Bavaria a few years ago and all the guests except (...uhhh...) us did this!  Everybody brought a big plate of cookies along with a big hand-decorated card congratulating the couple.  They were all displayed throughout the dinner on the same table as the cake; served as part of dessert, and then upon departure everyone (including, uhhh, us) got little Chinese takeout-style boxes to take some favorites home.  Because the cards were displayed alongside the plates, I suppose if you really loved a particular cookie you could hit up the baker for the recipe.  

I thought it was warm and wonderful, though I don't know how you could go about encouraging a family & friends to adopt such a tradition.

[Pippen]

10 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

A wedding I went to recently had succulents as a favor. They were very nice but hardly anyone took them! I kept thinking how bad they would feel to have gone to that trouble and seen them left behind. 

But your idea is fantastic. Very classy and also serves a function and people will be much more likely to actually take it with their name on it. And one per couple is appropriate and a cost saver. Very nice idea and very classy and not wasteful.

One of my adult kids just was at a wedding that had succulents as favors. There were so many left over that he brought several extras home. A caution though:  these were in much too small glass jars filled with soil up to the rim so they are difficult to water. They're also so small they're easily overlooked at watering time. I know a lot of time and effort went into them, but honestly I can't imagine many survived long. 

[marbel]

I've seen the cookie tables as a few weddings.  It's fun!

Talking of favors - I went a wedding that was set up in  barn, with long tables for dinner. The dinner plates were all different - the family had collected them from thrift stores, etc. The plates were to be the favors - I don't remember how we were told this, if it was written somewhere or someone announced it - but "someone" was going to come around after dinner and get the plates, wash them and return them so we could take them home. I actually really liked my husband's plate and would have loved to have it, but I wondered how this was going to come about. Seemed like a logistical nightmare (unless the plates were marked with the table location on the bottom; I didn't check). Anyway, after dinner, through the toasts and cake-cutting and dessert, I wondered when this was going to happen... it never did.  We left early-ish, but were not the first, and everyone we saw leaving went plateless.  No big deal, I hadn't arrived at the wedding expecting to come away with a piece of dinnerware, but it was kind of odd. 

In any case, in that venue, the mismatched plates were charming!  I like the idea of scavenging thrift stores, even asking family member if they have dishes they are going to get rid of and using those. I wouldn't offer the give-away though, lol. 

[HS Mom in NC]

Picnic baskets in the park on borrowed quilts.
Tea in the mid morning or mid afternoon with elegant sandwiches, fruit,  and dessert/s.
BBQ on the farm/backyard in a rented tent and rented restrooms.
Restaurant reception.
Dessert and drinks at 2pm or 8 pm.
Finger foods and desserts in the mid-afternoon.
Gardens, beaches, state parks, etc. for the ceremony then a rented tent for the reception on your property.
Keep the bridal party to best a friend and sibling/s.
Hire a professional photographer who works on the side because she's an at home mom or an art student and have them work for 1-2 hours.  Make sure the bridal party understand they're on call for that time.
Make an appointment at a studio the day before for just the bridal party.
Everyone does their own hair and make up because it's just hair and make up.

Consider checking out what the table settings/picnic baskets/decor items sell for used online, and if it cuts costs in the end, buy them and sell them after.

Look at minimalist/Eco-friendly weddings online for ideas and build up from there as the budget allows:https://www.pinterest.com/marisacarolined/modern-minimalist-wedding/

I'm not a fan of receiving party favors as an adult. I don't like tokenism in general, and it feels infantalizing. They just threw a party and invited me, that's more than enough. I don't have or want indoor plants.  I don't want anymore plates or glasses that don't go with what I have.  I'm fairly minimalist myself and don't have much in my house that doesn't serve a specific purpose or spark joy. 

Edited July 28, 2019 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[Ottakee]

One party favor I do still use is a 12 oz clear glass mug.  At the wedding they were each say out with a sticker with your name on them to designate where you were to sit.  Made it easy to know where to sit, which cup was yours if you wandered around and once we got home the sticker came right off.

I have used those mugs for years and are some of my favorites.