Quick help needed! outside perspective - christmas day family event

[ktgrok]

We go to my mother's house on Christmas day. We used to go bright and early, but the last few years we go after opening our presents, stocking etc here, and just do presents between us/them and cousins while there. We have in previous years needed to operate around custody schedules which limited the time there a bit. WE LOVE my parents, but at the same time I have young kids that get tired and moreover, two dogs that will be left behind with no way to go outside to potty while we are gone. One of them, the big hound, gets a bit of separation anxiety when left for long periods of time and destroyed stuff when we were gone all day on thanksgiving. 

My mom lives 1 hour and 15 minutes away, for additional information. 

I just messaged her because I realized we hadn't discussed a timeline for tomorrow. My oldest son's father died this year so no custody issue for him, not sure what the plan is with my sister and her ex. Anyway, I got back a response that said she expects we will get there at 10am and have a brunch, and then have snacks later, and dinner around 4 or so. 

Um, assuming an hour or two for finishing dinner, dessert, etc thats getting there at 10am and leaving at 6pm, 8 hours. Plus another 2 1/2 hours of driving time if we don't have to stop for gas or anything else to slow us down. that's nearly 11 hours away from home. 

Am I crazy to think that is too much? Don't get me wrong, the kids love going, and they love hanging with their cousins. But honestly, I don't want to be gone that long and I do NOT want o leave my dogs that long. Even if I give the one with separation anxiety xanax it won't last that long. Am I being one of those unreasonable pet owners, or is that a LOT?

Any ideas on how to word my reply?

Edited December 23, 2018 by Ktgrok

[Catwoman]

I’d skip the brunch and show up at your mom's house at around 2:00. That would leave plenty of time for opening presents before dinner. It would also make Christmas morning more relaxing for you, because you wouldn’t have to rush through opening presents in the morning before you leave for your mom’s house.

Edited December 23, 2018 by Catwoman

[QueenCat]

I'd go for either brunch with some time after. leaving 2-3 OR go mid-afternoon (2-3) & stay for dinner.

[Catwoman]

I forgot to add — I would call her and discuss this with her. If you text her, she might misinterpret your message and think you don’t want to spend that much time with her. You can soften it up if you actually talk to her.

[Innisfree]

I think your concerns are perfectly reasonable. Can you just explain as you did here? The schedules others just suggested sound good. I'd probably go for dinner and try to leave by 6:00 or so.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I don't htink it's *too long* in general, but in your particular case, it's too long due to pet issues.  And that's ok.  Just be honest and set a schedule that works.  

[chocolate-chip chooky]

We are absolutely the sort who prioritise our pets. We've had one family member stay home with a new kitten once (missing a family Easter gathering, not Christmas). We've left extended-family Christmas early to get home to look after our chickens if a big storm is coming.

If your Mum doesn't understand the pet thing, maybe frame it as keeping the day more manageable for the children? 

i'd only agree to coming for one meal.

[marbel]

Yeah, as others have said, go for brunch or dinner.  Can you find out when the cousins are going to be there, so you can coordinate that and maximize the kids' time with them?  

I actually don't think either position is unreasonable. I can imagine myself as a grandma wanting my kids/grandkids around all day if I don't see them all the time. I've also had the dog we couldn't leave for more than 6 hours. Sometimes we'd board the dog for the day - expensive and made us all unhappy as the dog hated being left behind, and we hated leaving him.  Once or twice we hired a neighborhood teen to come by the house a few times and hang out with him, etc.  Most of the time we just planned our trip based on the dog's needs.  But we didn't have any family around so that was not an issue; we were more able to control our time. 

[Annie G]

I think your concerns are reasonable. Brunch, snacks, and dinner at 4, followed by dessert? That’s way too much eating for my family.  As others above have suggested, come for brunch and stay a while after, or come mid afternoon and stay for dinner.   I’d choose to come for dinner because it means you can be more relaxed Christmas morning (kids can play with toys) and then when you get home everyone can wind down and go to bed. If you go for brunch you will have to feed your family before bedtime. 

I hope your mom can hear what you say without getting her feelings hurt. 

[hornblower]

How about: One meal, two cars, bring the dogs. One car has kids and can arrive a bit earlier to allow cousins to hang out. Second car has you, dogs, latte, fun audiobook and relaxed mom who will enjoy a drive, arrive in time for one of the meals, leave quickly after. 

[katilac]

That's too long of a visit for me in any case. We were good and done after six hours at my parents' house yesterday! Eight hours would push me over the edge, not even counting the drive time. I also think that dinner 'around' 4 makes it very unlikely you will leave at 6. 

Decide which part of the day you would prefer to visit, and let her know when you will be there. We can't make brunch but we'll be there well before dinner or alternatively, We can be there for brunch but we'll have to leave by 3. When my kids were the age of your littles, we probably would have gone later so that they could enjoy their toys and not rush to get dressed and such. Yes, absolutely use the animals as a reason and point out that one of them destroyed stuff on Thanksgiving. If you do the earlier time, you can also say that you prefer to not drive home in the dark on such a busy travel day.

I don't think you're an unreasonable pet owner at all. Even if you were, it's your right to be a crazy pet lady, lol. 

[HS Mom in NC]

Before we moved this summer we typically did 4 Christmas celebrations in 2-3 days due to divorce, remarriage, child custody, in-laws, child attention spans, travel schedules, etc. So we go to an event for the amount of time that works for us.  We're incredibly understanding that other people have similar issues to deal with so we never complain when others only come for part of it.

In your situation I suggest weighing all the factors and deciding what part of that event worked for you, your spouse, and your kids.  Which part means the most to you?  Which part works best? Aim for that and tell (notice I didn't say ask) your mom when you'll be there.  Don't open it for debate, just give a simple, matter of fact explanation like, "We really want to see you, so we can be there from ________ to _______. What should I bring?"

I don't enjoy other people's pets other than middle daughter's two cats.  I choose to live a pet free life.  If your family doesn't have an open invitation to your pets at large gatherings, then you can ask if you can bring them, but don't expect a yes.  Don't bring pets unexpectedly to someone else's house.

[regentrude]

It depends on several factors. How often do you get to see your mom, and how often does the whole family get together? If that is a very rare occasion, choosing to shorten the time because of the dogs seems strange to me. Isn't there a you can find a pet sitter? If I had to drive 2.5 hours, I'd want to make sure to get every minute of family time. Staying for 8 hours if it's a rare thing would seem reasonable to me. If, OTOH, you get together with your mom every other weekend, then a short visit may make sense. 

However, I am fully aware that my opinion is clouded by the fact that I only get to see my parents very rarely and cannot imagine shortening the time because I did not make pet care arrangements. YMMV.

Edited December 23, 2018 by regentrude

[HS Mom in NC]

16 minutes ago, regentrude said:

 Isn't there a you can find a pet sitter?

I imagine this could be tough to find for Christmas Day.

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

I imagine this could be tough to find for Christmas Day.

Yes, it's high season for the pet sitters, probably hard to do on short notice. But if this is an annual occurrence, one could book early.

Or perhaps find a neighborhood teen who is happy to escape the family Christmas circus for a short while  and receive a generous payment?

Edited December 23, 2018 by regentrude

[katilac]

1 minute ago, regentrude said:

It depends on several factors. How often do you get to see your mom, and how often does the whole family get together? If that is a very rare occasion, choosing to shorten the time because of the dogs seems strange to me. Isn't there a you can find a pet sitter? If I had to drive 2.5 hours, I'd want to make sure to get every minute of family time. Staying for 8 hours if it's a rare thing would seem reasonable to me. If, OTOH, you get together with your mom every other weekend, then a short visit may make sense.

However, I am fully aware that my opinion is clouded by the fact that I only get to see my parents very rarely and cannot imagine shortening the time because I did not make pet care arrangements. YMMV.

 

In most places, it's quite hard to get a pet sitter on Christmas Day. I had a heck of a time getting one for Thanksgiving.  You can kennel some pets if you reserve it early enough, but that would probably mean bringing them the day before Christmas and picking them up the day after, assuming they are open both of those days. The anxious pet might not be able to do that, and it's also rather expensive. We can no longer kennel our senior cat at all, it's just too hard on her. 

Her mom lives one hour and fifteen minutes away, so I'm guessing she sees her far more often than you see your parents. Or certainly she could. 

For me, the pets wouldn't even be the main issue. Eight hour visits make me lose my mind, that is way too much peopling for me. I think that can be hard for extremely extroverted and social people to understand. It's not that I don't want to see you, but I am truly unable to actually visit or interact after a certain amount of time - if I'm stuck, I'm just sitting there withdrawing into my own head and waiting to leave so I don't get a massive migraine. Or stab everyone in the room so I can be alone, lol. If you have little kids who are the same way, the problem is multiplied to the nth degree. Nobody's enjoying the lasts couple of hours and everyone is cranky when you do go home. 

A five to six hour visit certainly meets family obligations in my book. 

[ksr5377]

I don't think it's too long, but for you it is.  That's understandable.  I do think it will be easier to go later than it will be to leave earlier, especially if your kids will be enjoying themselves.  

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

We go to my mother's house on Christmas day. We used to go bright and early, but the last few years we go after opening our presents, stocking etc here, and just do presents between us/them and cousins while there. We have in previous years needed to operate around custody schedules which limited the time there a bit. WE LOVE my parents, but at the same time I have young kids that get tired and moreover, two dogs that will be left behind with no way to go outside to potty while we are gone. One of them, the big hound, gets a bit of separation anxiety when left for long periods of time and destroyed stuff when we were gone all day on thanksgiving. 

But honestly, I don't want to be gone that long and I do NOT want o leave my dogs that long. 

Any ideas on how to word my reply?

My guess is that your parents have seen only, "Yay, we have more time now" and haven't thought about the dogs. This is also kind of last minute to be realizing, "Oh no, the dogs." However, you are also not really wanting to be gone that long, whether that's because of the littles or just that it sounds like a big effort on an already big deal day.

I would suggest minimizing the part about the dogs since you have other valid (albeit recently recognized) reasons--I would also acknowledge that while everyone has defaulted to thinking there's more time, you realized that has its downsides.

I would probably find out what time the others are going to make an effort to be really present and focus on being there at the same time. I think you mentioned that another sibling has an ex with potential custody stuff too.

If you won't be able to handle it that gently, and you can find a pet sitter, you might suck it up and pay for a pet sitter while planning that next year will be different. If this is not really last minute for your family's way of doing things, I think you have more wiggle room to shorten your visit without hurting feelings.

[Faith-manor]

Op, we would never do 11 hours. We have a dog that would be quite anxiety riddled if we did that and didn't have a house sitter. So don't feel bad about calling your mom and saying, "We can do 2 p.m. to 5 p.m." This way you can have Christmas at home and still get home at a reasonable time.

 

[RootAnn]

1 minute ago, katilac said:

A five to six hour visit certainly meets family obligations in my book. 

My two oldest kids are pet/house-sitters. Both are available for holidays due to our minimalist schedule & wouldn't mind a last minute request (for good compensation).

We live a half-hour further from my family than Katie lives from her mom while most of my nieces/nephews live in the same city. A five hour visit turns into eight+ hours due to drive time. Even if we aren't peopled-out, we are not interested in spending that long away from home on a holiday which should be relaxing and fun.

I'd just make it clear what time we'd be arriving and leaving - even if that meant we'd miss both meals. (I can see dinner not being served on time and gma thinking to keep us longer that way. Nope.) My in laws are a different story due to the much longer distance away.

[Shoeless]

I have a dog, and would not leave him that long.  I'm also firmly in the camp of "We do NOT bring our dog with us to other people's homes", and other people do NOT bring their dog to my house.  My dog is crated when guests are here.  He's nice but too boisterous. Anyway...  

I'd pick either the brunch OR the dinner and do that.  11-ish hours would be too long for me, my husband, and my kiddo.  We've got about 3-4 hours of people-ing in us, and then we're super crabby and DONE.  Not wanting to leave your dogs is a totally valid reason too, IMO.  Boarding isn't cheap, especially if you have big dogs, and some dogs really freak out in boarding. 

So, I'd pick whichever meal I wanted to attend, and tell mom that attending both meals is a really, really long day for all of you, plus you can't leave the dogs that long, so you'll be there between Xpm and Ypm.  If grandma is really, really upset that she won't get to see you more, maybe you can invite her over for New Year's Day? My mom used to do a NYD dinner that was very laid back and the meetup for people who had tricky schedules during Christmas.  

[bolt.]

On the one hand, I *do* think that you are “one of those unreasonable pet owners”. Please don’t imagine I’m saying this harshly, because I am actually motivated by sympathy for your situation. So, sympathetically, I can’t imagine owning an animal that requires me to never leave my home for more than half a day, ever (unless it was livestock by which I earned a living or something). That seems like a terribly restrictive way to live one’s life (and raise one’s children) for the sake of a companion animal. I hope you (eventually) find some solutions to get some more freedom without compromising your care for your dog... because you deserve that.

On the other hand, you actually don’t need an excuse to visit your relatives for the amount of time you prefer. If you don’t want to visit for that long, it really doesn’t matter *why* you prefer a shorter visit... you just do. And that’s fine. Pick one meal or the other, and enjoy it.

Boundaries set you free and make you responsible for your own choices. You’ll be surprised how good it feels just to say, “Sorry, that won’t work out. We will come from x to y. It will be great to see you!” Resist the urge to make excuses and mention dogs to let yourself off the hook.

[QueenCat]

2 hours ago, hornblower said:

How about: One meal, two cars, bring the dogs. One car has kids and can arrive a bit earlier to allow cousins to hang out. Second car has you, dogs, latte, fun audiobook and relaxed mom who will enjoy a drive, arrive in time for one of the meals, leave quickly after. 

 

Great idea, since it's not a far drive.

[gardenmom5]

that sounds lovely - we will be able to come after brunch around -insert time that works for you - and we are looking forward to it.

see you on christmas.

[Tanaqui]

It wouldn't be unreasonable for lots of people, but I can see that it's not a reasonable timeframe for you. And it's okay to say that and hold to that.

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, kbutton said:

I would suggest minimizing the part about the dogs

Yes. I would feel pretty hurt if my kid told me she won't spend the day with me because of her dog. Small children that need naps and routines, or difficulty driving at night - different. But cutting family visit to a short few hours because of pets? I'd perceive it as an excuse for not wanting to be here.

Edited December 23, 2018 by regentrude

[hornblower]

9 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Yes. I would feel pretty hurt if my kid told me she won't spend the day with me because of her dog. Small children that need naps and routines, or difficulty driving at night - different. But cutting family visit to a short few hours because of pets? I'd perceive it as an excuse for not wanting to be here.

 

I'd totally understand. And  my mom does understand ....she knows I'm a crazy dog person & in our family it's totally normal to arrange things around dogs and their needs.

 

[regentrude]

8 minutes ago, hornblower said:

I'd totally understand. And  my mom does understand ....she knows I'm a crazy dog person & in our family it's totally normal to arrange things around dogs and their needs.

I guess I can't wrap my mind around how it is possible to arrange life so that one is never 10+ hours away from home. For many people, that happens every workday. Do dog lovers not work?

Edited December 24, 2018 by regentrude

[Selkie]

5 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I guess I can't wrap my mind around how it is possible to arrange life so that one is never 10+ hours away from home. For many people, that happens every workday. Do dog lovers not work?

Well, if they're like me, they set up their lives so they can work from home and be with their dogs all day.

[hippiemamato3]

21 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I guess I can't wrap my mind around how it is possible to arrange life so that one is never 10+ hours away from home. For many people, that happens every workday. Do dog lovers not work?

Some don't! Some get dog walkers to come and take them out during the day. But truly - no dog should be left alone for longer than an 8 hour or so stretch.  I can't hold my bladder that long, and they shouldn't have to either!

[Arctic Bunny]

My two cents... it’s much easier to arrive after brunch, than to pack everyone up mid-afternoon and leave when “we’re just going to eat in half an hour, can’t you stay?” Then the kids want to play with their cousins more “because they just got started” and you’re the Grinch ruining Christmas dinner. Insert guilt trip on all fronts.

[JustEm]

That schedule seems perfectly reasonable for me and how my family would operate.  But if it doesn't work for you it doesn't.  Just tell them you'll be there sometime after brunch but before dinner.

[regentrude]

9 minutes ago, hippiemamato3 said:

Some don't! Some get dog walkers to come and take them out during the day. But truly - no dog should be left alone for longer than an 8 hour or so stretch.  I can't hold my bladder that long, and they shouldn't have to either!

Oh, I totally get that and wasn't suggesting the dog should be left without opportunity to pee. I was just thinking that most dog people seem to be able to arrange that.

[Tanaqui]

You would be surprised, Regentrude, at how popular "doggy daycare" is.

Also, a lot of people don't work full 8 hour days with an hour commute five days a week, or they do it on a split shift with other adults in their household, precisely because they do need to have a person in the house for various reasons - they need somebody home to watch the kids after school, they have an elderly, disabled, or sick relative who needs a little assistance part of the day (but for whatever reason they can't or would rather not hire an aide or the aide doesn't cover the whole day), or, yes, their pets can't be left unattended too long and they have no intention of rehoming. Most people's pets are really important to them, and you can't talk to them on the phone like you can your relatives. I'd be disappointed if my kid visited for a shorter time than I'd like because of their pet, but I'd understand.

[ktgrok]

To clarify a few things we see my parents about once a month or so, for a good chunk of time each time. previously we have gotten there on Christmas around 10 but the big meal  was at 1pm about.  whatever. I really had no idea she expected longer than that this time until today or I would have made an effort to figure something out sooner. 

And although I could ask a neighbor to let the dogs out to pee the one dog has anxiety issues that a brief potty break won’t fix and I cannot imagine finding someone will to spend half the day here on Christmas Day just hanging out with the dog. Not last minute. Having someone come in and leave again would stress him out more. We are working on the Christmas issue but thanksgiving caused a setback. I’m a stay at home mom and my adult son lives here so between the two of us the dogs usually are not left alone more than a few hours.

Ive agreed to come around noon which cuts 2 hours off and will be more manageable. 

Edited December 24, 2018 by Ktgrok

[katilac]

3 hours ago, regentrude said:

Yes. I would feel pretty hurt if my kid told me she won't spend the day with me because of her dog. Small children that need naps and routines, or difficulty driving at night - different. But cutting family visit to a short few hours because of pets? I'd perceive it as an excuse for not wanting to be here.

 

What if your kid said I'm massively overwhelmed by an 8-hour visit but would love to come for 5-6 hours? Do you think you'd be okay with that?  

Point of view matters so much! I think five hours is a pretty long visit, myself, and six is getting to my limit. I need breaks if I'm going to be somewhere longer than that, which is sometimes hard to pull off. 

If one of your kids turns out to be a pet person, try not to take every decision personally. Just because you can't understand it doesn't mean it's not a legitimate way to feel and live your life. We're having a family Christmas gathering (after Christmas) at a local venue instead of our house for the second year in a row because that many strange people and that much noise all day is just too hard on our senior cat, who lives her life in our common area. Last year, my b-i-l bailed on his planned trip here for Christmas and then that same gathering because his cat had surgery and he didn't want to leave her with the pet sitter. None of the others understand that, but oh well. I don't call them unfeeling for making different decisions about their pets and I expect them to not say that I'm crazy or making excuses. 

Edited December 24, 2018 by katilac

[SamanthaCarter]

I haven’t read the thread, sorry! But when we all go down to mom and dads (1:45 hr drive), we just bring the hound. Theyve got plenty of room outside and a dog that plays great with her. She loves visiting the grands place as much as anyone. Is this a possibility for your hound? 

Edited December 24, 2018 by SamanthaCarter

[EmseB]

That would not be too long of a visit for me and my mom would expect me to bring my dog (they are bringing their dog and staying two nights at our place, for example), but if it's too much for you and you can't bring the dogs then something has to give somewhere which doesn't seem unreasonable either.

[Pen]

You’ve also had kids sick.   It sounds like too much for  kids and dogs and you.  I would probably want to try to head home earlier. I’m not sure if this would be as true in Florida, but here  it gets hard  to dog walk in winter after dark.   I wonder if dinner could be around 2 with your help?

[ktgrok]

3 hours ago, SamanthaCarter said:

I haven’t read the thread, sorry! But when we all go down to mom and dads (1:45 hr drive), we just bring the hound. Theyve got plenty of room outside and a dog that plays great with her. She loves visiting the grands place as much as anyone. Is this a possibility for your hound? 

I brought him the first year we had him (two years ago) and considered asking this year, but her dog just recovered from a nearly fatal case of pancreatitis and I don't want to stress her out. Also, one of my nieces is a bit afraid of big dogs. So even if I had him in in a down stay much of the time, it might freak her out. 

1 hour ago, Pen said:

You’ve also had kids sick.   It sounds like too much for  kids and dogs and you.  I would probably want to try to head home earlier. I’m not sure if this would be as true in Florida, but here  it gets hard  to dog walk in winter after dark.   I wonder if dinner could be around 2 with your help?

we have a fenced back yard, so that's not an issue. I'm thinking that by not heading over so early I can walk him for a long time in the morning, or take him for a quick run at the dog park before we leave (his favorite). 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

It sounds like you've come up with a good solution, and I'm sure your mom is fine with it.  In a normal, understanding, loving, functional family, this is NOT A BIG DEAL, so don't stress that you can't make two separate meals.  

 

I'm always a little surprised by what is and isn't a big deal in some families (not speaking of this thread particularly, just in general).  Some of the topics that come up seem like non-issues if people would just *talk* to each other.  And I realize many families DO have functional difficulties that make simple, straightforward communication nearly impossible, and I feel really sad about that.  This is how this would have played out in my (semi-dysfunctional, but open communication) family:

- Mom, I didn't realize you were expecting us for brunch and a later dinner.  We just can't leave the dogs that long.

- Oh, no, really? Could you just bring them along or get a neighbor to let them out?

- No, remember how bad it was at Thanksgiving when Rex chewed the flat screen TV in half?  

- Oh ok.  Well, that's too bad.  Why don't you come in the early afternoon then, at least that way we still get a half day and you don't have to leave in a rush in the middle of dinner-prep.  I can still put out some scones and bacon and things, so you don't need to make yourselves a big lunch before coming.

- Thanks, you know your scones are my fave. Sounds good, see you next week!

 

Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone, may your family communcations be clear and bright this year!

[ktgrok]

7 hours ago, Monica_in_Switzerland said:

It sounds like you've come up with a good solution, and I'm sure your mom is fine with it.  In a normal, understanding, loving, functional family, this is NOT A BIG DEAL, so don't stress that you can't make two separate meals.  

 

I'm always a little surprised by what is and isn't a big deal in some families (not speaking of this thread particularly, just in general).  Some of the topics that come up seem like non-issues if people would just *talk* to each other.  And I realize many families DO have functional difficulties that make simple, straightforward communication nearly impossible, and I feel really sad about that.  This is how this would have played out in my (semi-dysfunctional, but open communication) family:

- Mom, I didn't realize you were expecting us for brunch and a later dinner.  We just can't leave the dogs that long.

- Oh, no, really? Could you just bring them along or get a neighbor to let them out?

- No, remember how bad it was at Thanksgiving when Rex chewed the flat screen TV in half?  

- Oh ok.  Well, that's too bad.  Why don't you come in the early afternoon then, at least that way we still get a half day and you don't have to leave in a rush in the middle of dinner-prep.  I can still put out some scones and bacon and things, so you don't need to make yourselves a big lunch before coming.

- Thanks, you know your scones are my fave. Sounds good, see you next week!

 

Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone, may your family communcations be clear and bright this year!

Thank you. We really are very functional most of the time, the main issue is no one wanting to hurt someone else's feelings, lol. My mom has multiple times said to just tell her if we can't do Christmas there at all, she'll understand, etc etc. I just know she'd be sad plus we WANT to see her and the cousins. 

Oh, and she's still making a brunch, just serving it all morning and when we get there around noon, lol. So my sister will get there whenever, and we'll get there when we get there, and it will be fine. (and yet I will STILL get a million phone calls/texts that morning I'm sure, asking when we'll be there, but that's just excitement, lol)

[Innisfree]

Sounds like a good plan! Hope you have fun.

[ktgrok]

And now the cousins are sick! So not sure WHAT will happen. If they feel up to it we will still go to my parents, but maybe not as long. If not, my parents will travel this direction, stopping first at the cousins and then here, or vice versa. 

[school17777]

What ended up happening?

[ktgrok]

17 hours ago, school17777 said:

What ended up happening?

We didn't go at all!

Not because of drama, but because my sweet DD8 got sick. Poor thing started asking to go home halfway through christmas eve service, and she did look pale, so we left. Got home and she had a 102.2 fever! So we stayed home, and the cousins stayed at their home. My parents went to my sister's house (she lives midway between my parents and me) and brought all the food my mom had already cooked for Christmas dinner, and presents. My husband drove over there after we opened presents here and dropped off our presents to them and picked up the food and their presents to us and came back. We took lots of video of opening their gifts and the cousins and grandparents/grandkids face timed on the phone. 

It wasn't ideal, but it was fine. And I realized it was my very first Christmas without my parents, and only my second one without my sister. I guess making it to 42 before having that happen is pretty lucky. 

[homemommy83]

On 12/23/2018 at 1:59 PM, Catwoman said:

I forgot to add — I would call her and discuss this with her. If you text her, she might misinterpret your message and think you don’t want to spend that much time with her. You can soften it up if you actually talk to her.

Or give her a very lengthy text...so she can't twist your words later (this is for those in dysfunctional homes with family that does this...and I don't know the family invobled...it is sad I know that this is my mental reaction😑).

Brenda

I replied not just for, but others that read this thread next year😉.

Edited December 27, 2018 by homemommy83