Adult child with misplaced priorities

[Pen]

1 hour ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Wow - not everyone has the funds to finance a random semester off for a young adult that should be working and tacking on another semester of tuition at the end.  I'm sure there is money in the classes and room deposits.  It would have been another matter if she would have asked and planned months ago before the money was at play and had a good job option for this semester.  

She can still advocate and clean and make freezer meals and help this friend for 2 weeks instead of 3.  That's a really long time to be in someone else's space.    

Anyway OP, I hope your dd gets her flight changed for not too much trouble.  

 

I guess that is a question for OP, has tuition for next semester already been paid and if so is it in a mostly refundable period or would it be a total loss or near total loss of the tuition?

[Bootsie]

I find that students often underestimate the amount of time that they are missing when they are not in class. If it is a 16 week course that meets twice a week, missing 3 classes is missing about 10% of the class meetings.  Missing at the very beginning of the semester can cause a student to miss out on some important overall information about the class, can result in a student missing out on selecting team members for group projects, lower class  participation grades, and cause a student to miss quizzes or assignments.  

Things I would tell a student to consider:

1)  How many total hours are you taking this semester?  The larger the total number the more difficult this will be.

2) How long does the student have to drop the courses without it showing on the academic record?

3)  What impact would dropping courses have on any financial aid?  Students who drop a number of courses can end up losing financial aid for failure to make progress toward degree complete.  Also, some states start charging higher tuition when students have a high number of dropped courses.

4)  How academically strong and motivated is the student?

5)  What would be the academic consequences of not taking any classes this semester?

6)  Is there a way that classes can be scheduled to minimize the amount of class missed?  e.g. taking a Monday night class that misses the first class meeting because of Labor Day.

7)  Does the student reasonably think she can avoid missing any additional classes this semester? 

 

[Peaceseeker]

Yeah I was thinking my answer really depends on who is paying for this semester.  I would not be too happy if it was on my dime.  If my kid was paying or had scholarships I would definitely give my opinion but let the chips fall where they may.  If I was paying I would have much more to say on the topic probably...

[DawnM]

Our CC classes fill up quickly and if you don't show to the first class, if there is a wait list, they drop you.

At my oldest son's college, you can miss 4 classes, after that, it is an automatic fail.

Does she know the attendance policy, drop policy, etc....?

[kiwik]

This is one of the "wow it is different" moments.  Second year we still had several hundred in most classes.  No one would have noticed whether we were there or not let alone cared except when science labs were running.

[unsinkable]

4 hours ago, DawnM said:

Our CC classes fill up quickly and if you don't show to the first class, if there is a wait list, they drop you.

At my oldest son's college, you can miss 4 classes, after that, it is an automatic fail.

Does she know the attendance policy, drop policy, etc....?

Your first 2 sentences are what I'd worry about. 

I think it is great and wonderful that she is going to help her friend when she needs it but if her plans are to come home and start her semester after missing several classes, she might not HAVE a semester to come home to. 

That is different than making a deliberate decision and plan to take a semester off.

[unsinkable]

Another option would be to drive to her friend of she has a reliable car. 1000 miles is about 16 hours of driving, and she can divide into 2 days of do it in 1 day.

She's need a really reliable car but her schedule would be her own.

I went to college 1800 miles away from where I grew up and I drove that many times. A thousand miles trip seems like a cake walk.

[unsinkable]

12 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

Hey, one of the schools I attended was a junior college, and a very good one, too. I know of what I speak on the topic, especially since her daughter was okay with the swap initially. Rebooking the flight would be preferable to missing courses, but even losing an entire semester of work is not the end of the world.  Really.  Even with classes that roll around every few semesters. It’s a pain and might cost some money if she gets dropped, but it’s just class and NOT on par with the importance of a human.

 

And really, as an adult only the DD and friend get to decide whether the trade off is worth the hassle or not.  Mom or some random internet lady doesn’t get to swoop in and proclaim, unequivocally, that college ranks higher than supporting a loved one with their first baby in a challenging situation.  School *is* an important thing, it’s just not the *only* thing.

Except the choice was never between school this semester vs helping friend with baby.

It looks like the DD wants to do both and needs to make adjustments to her flights in order to get back to school on time. 

[Acadie]

I don't see this as either/or. Your dd would be a supportive and generous friend to go and stay 10 days (or whatever it might be) until her semester starts. If MIL is there at that time as well, she can help her friend set some boundaries and the overall tone with MIL.

Agreed that friend needs to call on other friends and family and find new supports through military connections, which can often become second family. Sneeyone's ideas are great. Friend will need support as a new mom with hubby deployed long after the birth and early postpartum, so now's the time to reach out. It's an act of friendship to encourage and help with establishing long term support, rather than just focusing on the birth.

Amy

[marbel]

5 hours ago, DawnM said:

Our CC classes fill up quickly and if you don't show to the first class, if there is a wait list, they drop you.

At my oldest son's college, you can miss 4 classes, after that, it is an automatic fail.

Does she know the attendance policy, drop policy, etc....?

I think that's the way it is at my kids' school.

Individual professors may have their own criteria for lowering grades/points for missed classes. 

Even in a freshman comp class there were penalties for missing more than one class. They weren't huge penalties (not a full letter grade) but it could hurt, particularly for a student who might have difficulty in the class.  Not all lower-div classes are easy for every student.

Edited August 17, 2018 by marbel

[elegantlion]

If she is receiving any aid for her schooling, she may well lose it by being absent for two weeks. I just went through training yesterday for our university and federal aid will be forfeited if they don't show for the first two weeks of class.  That's not to say anything of possibly losing her spot. 

 

 

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, marbel said:

I think that's the way it is at my kids' school.

Individual professors may have their own criteria for lowering grades/points for missed classes. 

Even in a freshman comp class there were penalties for missing more than one class. They weren't huge penalties (not a full letter grade) but it could hurt, particularly for a student who might have difficulty in the class.  Not all lower-div classes are easy for every student.

 

My son's school, the 4 absences is a school wide policy.  And more than 15 min. late can be counted as absent.  It is a quarter system, so there are only 20 class sessions for each class, so 4 absences is a lot.  However, since each class is 2.5 hours' long, the 15 min. late thing gets me.  I think most professors are lax on that and make it 30 from what my son says, but still......

[HS Mom in NC]

The friend needs a labor and postpartum doula.

[Katy]

If DD goes, even for a shorter time period, please encourage her to help get the friend in contact with FRG, even if she's too shy/worried not to.  The idea that the unit is a family, that they rely on each other, extends to actual families too.  Getting connected to local friends and support, however temporary some of them might be, will be of tremendous help to DD's friend.  And contrary to potential worries, as long as this young woman has basic social skills, reaching out to them will help, not harm, her DH's career. It's healthier for all of them as a family, to have friends and social connections. And worrying less about his wife and baby, knowing they have support, will help the deployed spouse to safer do his job. And I think it's safe to assume she does have those skills, since OP's daughter is so loyal her first instinct was to sacrifice her own life to be there for her friend.

[marbel]

17 minutes ago, Katy said:

If DD goes, even for a shorter time period, please encourage her to help get the friend in contact with FRG, even if she's too shy/worried not to.  The idea that the unit is a family, that they rely on each other, extends to actual families too.  Getting connected to local friends and support, however temporary some of them might be, will be of tremendous help to DD's friend.  And contrary to potential worries, as long as this young woman has basic social skills, reaching out to them will help, not harm, her DH's career. It's healthier for all of them as a family, to have friends and social connections. And worrying less about his wife and baby, knowing they have support, will help the deployed spouse to safer do his job. And I think it's safe to assume she does have those skills, since OP's daughter is so loyal her first instinct was to sacrifice her own life to be there for her friend.

I don't have any direct experience but have a few family members in the military, and it's obvious to me that they have great support networks for families.  So I agree with Katy.

People are talking about the OP's daughter making adult decisions. Well, the OP's friend has made a couple of very adult decisions - getting married and starting a family - and now is the time for her to overcome her shyness and reach out to her new community.  I suppose that sounds harsh. I do feel for the young new mom. But I feel for OP's daughter and her school career too.  I think some people are being too blithe about her missing the early days of a semester as if it's simply no big deal. 

Edited August 17, 2018 by marbel

[Catwoman]

15 minutes ago, marbel said:

I don't have any direct experience but have a few family members in the military, and it's obvious to me that they have great support networks for families.  So I agree with Katy.

People are talking about the OP's daughter making adult decisions. Well, the OP's friend has made a couple of very adult decisions - getting married and starting a family - and now is the time for her to overcome her shyness and reach out to her new community.  I suppose that sounds harsh. I do feel for the young new mom. But I feel for OP's daughter and her school career too.  I think some people are being too blithe about her missing the early days of a semester as if it's simply no big deal. 

 

I agree. I also think some people are completely disregarding the friend’s responsibility to extendedforecast’s dd. If the dd ends up losing an entire semester (or more) of college, that’s definitely a big deal. What is she going to do for an entire semester if she gets dropped from her classes? Would she have to try to find a job for the semester? Would she lose some or all of the tuition she paid — and what about financial aid and scholarships? And even if she can remain in the classes, how will it look on her transcripts if she is penalized for the absences and ends up with lower grades? 

Would any of us truly ask a close friend to make that kind of sacrifice for us? Is that really what a friend would do? 

My hope is that the friend doesn’t even realize that there could be a problem with extendedforecast’s dd missing some classes, but that as soon as she finds out about it, she will be a good friend and tell extendedforecast’s dd to go home in time to make it back to school before classes start. 

[Sneezyone]

27 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Would any of us truly ask a close friend to make that kind of sacrifice for us? Is that really what a friend would do? 

 

Honestly, I wouldn't even have to ask. My closest friends would do it in a heartbeat without being asked and so would I. My bestie, who's also an active duty service member, volunteered to take leave and come help me after my surgery (and my DH is here but unavailable 12 hrs a day!) but I declined because I have other resources available. If I didn't tho, yes, I'd have gladly accepted her help.

ETA: Some bases have amazing support networks, others not so much. In our branch of service, family support services are largely left up to spouse volunteers, and spouses and/or service members have to provide their phone/contact info to the volunteer program coordinators. Commands/FRGs are not authorized to reach out without permission from the member or the spouse.

Edited August 17, 2018 by Sneezyone

[extendedforecast]

8 hours ago, DawnM said:

Our CC classes fill up quickly and if you don't show to the first class, if there is a wait list, they drop you.

At my oldest son's college, you can miss 4 classes, after that, it is an automatic fail.

Does she know the attendance policy, drop policy, etc....?

The policy is that they can miss the equivalent of two weeks of classes. 

The friend is 1cm dilated, 75% effaced and baby is in station -3. How imminent is labor?

[extendedforecast]

12 hours ago, CaliforniaDreamin said:

Yeah I was thinking my answer really depends on who is paying for this semester.  I would not be too happy if it was on my dime.  If my kid was paying or had scholarships I would definitely give my opinion but let the chips fall where they may.  If I was paying I would have much more to say on the topic probably...

 

It’s complicated. The original agreement was for us to split the cost 50/50 (no financial aid) while she’s in community college, and 80/20 (possible financial aid) once she transfers to a 4 year university. It is important to us that our kids put some of their own money towards school because we want them to feel ownership of their education. What ended up happening is that we paid for all of her school last year, and she covered the cost of books. This summer she informed me that she was paying the full amount this semester to make up for last year. 

[extendedforecast]

Update: DD and I looked at the calendar and talked about the attendance policy. She decided to fly back the Tuesday after Labor Day. This means that she will miss one week of classes. DD is going to email her professors to explain the situation and ask about working ahead so that she won’t fall too far behind. The flight change was only $14, thankfully. Thanks for your advice and opinions. 

[Tanaqui]

I'm glad you found a solution that's mutually agreeable and doesn't cost too much. I hope her profs are reasonable and understanding! (They probably are, but you do get some people....)

[Tanaqui]

Quote

Would any of us truly ask a close friend to make that kind of sacrifice for us? Is that really what a friend would do? 

 

If I needed the help? Yes, I would - but my close friends would offer first. I wouldn't have to ask.

[elegantlion]

Another consideration is that while the professor should have a syllabus, they may not be able to provide notes for missed class. She may need to reach out to a fellow student. I would go through the roster and see who else she knows that is enrolled in the class to see if she can borrow their notes for the missed classes. 

[Pen]

I wonder if missed classes could be recorded by a fellow student, or even if she could Skype attend  them or something? 

[teachermom2834]

I am in the camp that getting back to get to class is important. I realize there are more important things in life than school but I think the cost for those priorities is taking a semester off. I just think of missing college classes as an emergency situation. 

Relationships are so super important but one thing I have realized is how much better of a friend and family support you can be if you take care of your own needs as far as education and finances. It is hard to be a super supportive friend when you are working all the time and have no margin in time, money, or emotional energy. So getting an education (that hopefully leads to employment) sets you up to be in a better position to do good in the world.

[DawnM]

17 hours ago, extendedforecast said:

The policy is that they can miss the equivalent of two weeks of classes. 

The friend is 1cm dilated, 75% effaced and baby is in station -3. How imminent is labor?

 

And classes don't fill up?  So if he misses the first few she won't be dropped?  That is what I am most concerned about for her.  Labor is coming, obviously.  She is having this baby at some time or another.   I am not even sure why that is a question.  The question is about your daughter missing classes.

[TechWife]

I really think she needs to check with the registrars office to make sure she won’t be dropped if she missses the first class. I wouldn’t count on the instructors to remember she contacted them ahead of time. A lot of colleges and universities have an automatic drop policy for the first few classes, regardless of how many classes she is allowed to miss overall. 

I also think she needs to give some thought to what type of impression she is making by voluntarily missing classes - she may need references down the line, or she may need one of these instructors to open a closed class for her at some point down the line. Why would they want to do that when she has a record of not showing up anyway? Also, what will she do if she gets really sick? She may end up having to drop classes because she wasted her absence days by choice. An instructor will only overlook absences under certain circumstances, and if she has a record of just not showing up, they won’t be inclined to extend any favors to her if she gets really sick. What if those absences occur after the last withdrawal without penalty date? Will she automatically fail the class? An F is very different and has far reaching implications for her GPA as she looks for a four year university to transfer into. What if She decides to change her major to a major that is more difficult to get into, how would her application be viewed with an F if she decided she wants to go to nursing school, for example?

This is not an emergency, it’s a childbirth by a non relative, where timing is obviously uncertain and there is a family member that will be there to help. I’m sure that her friend wants her there and that she wants to be there. I know some think friends can be more important than school and I would agree under some circumstances. This is more like extending a vacation by choice after you’ve run out of vacation days, though.

I think I’m feeling your tension for you! Your advice to her to not go on the trip was spot on. If only we could get our kids to listen to us?.

[Reefgazer]

I'm a college instructor and I think it's quite bad to miss the first few days of class, especially.  Those are the classes that set the tone for the semester, set the impressions for the semester, are the classes where the instructor reviews the syllabus and assignments, and missing any college class usually is missing a crap-ton of material. Must your DD be there when the baby is born?  She can't visit later?

 

Edited to add:  I see she is helping out.  Personally, I would buy mom a meal service for a few weeks, a few weeks of maid service, a few weeks of personal shopping service, and visit at Christmas break.  OTOH, my husband was deployed when my first child was born and I was able to do that without meals, maids, or shopping.  Sucking it up is an option; it wasn't *that* bad, LOL.  :)  Does the mom expect to be out of commission or have health problems that require a huge level of assistance?

Edited August 18, 2018 by Reefgazer

[extendedforecast]

7 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

And classes don't fill up?  So if he misses the first few she won't be dropped?  That is what I am most concerned about for her.  Labor is coming, obviously.  She is having this baby at some time or another.   I am not even sure why that is a question.  The question is about your daughter missing classes.

 

The question about labor was asked out of curiosity; it didn’t factor into the decision. DD emailed her professors. At the very least, they will know that she intends to attend. If I could make the decision for her, I’d have her come home before school starts. It’s just not my decision. 

Edited August 18, 2018 by extendedforecast

[Reefgazer]

On ‎8‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 8:05 PM, Catwoman said:

 

Wow. That’s a pretty harsh generalization to make about junior colleges. We have no idea how rigorous and challenging a schedule extendedforecast’s dd’s course load may be, and we also don’t know if the subjects tend to come easy for her, so it’s impossible to tell whether or not some missed classes will hurt her grades — and that’s assuming the professors don’t penalize her for missing the classes.

Also, if she is at a junior college, that’s all the more reason why she shouldn’t risk her grades to be with her friend — those grades are going to matter a lot when she needs to transfer to a four-year university.

Yes, I agree.  If a student misses the first week or two of my classes, they are probably jacked for the first midterm lab exam and are starting with a "C" average that goes down from there.

[gardenmom5]

On 8/16/2018 at 1:39 PM, extendedforecast said:

I’m sorry, I forgot to mention that the mother-in-law will be there as well. The relationship between mom and MIL is strained though. 

if her relationship with her mil is strained  - where's her mother?   tbh: her mother, or her HUSBAND, should be running interference with her mil.

[Garga]

While she’s there before the baby arrives she needs to help her friend get the baby’s room 100% ready.  She needs to cook as many freezeable meals as will fit in whatever freezer the friend has.  She needs to do a deep cleaning for the friend—polishing the furniture, vacuuming under the couch, getting all the laundry caught up, scrubbing the tub/shower.  Get snack food ready for quick snacks (like premeasure out some trail mix or things like that.).  Pre-buy breakfast foods like cereals or frozen sausages that can be microwaved hot, fast (if the new mom likes/wants those things—just trying to think of things that don’t require cooking.)

She may miss the birth if the mom goes past the due date, but at least she will have set her friend up as much as she can so that the household can go without any cleaning or perhaps any cooking for a month without the house feeling like it’s completely filthy.  If the house starts from sparkling, it won’t be horribly unbearable for a few weeks as new-mom gets her feet under her.  

Then, new-mom won’t need MIL around as much if that will cause stress to new-mom.  She won’t have the stress of a new baby PLUS having MIL visit a filthy house.

Other than being there in person, that would be the next best thing your daughter could do for her friend.

[gardenmom5]

On 8/16/2018 at 5:05 PM, Catwoman said:

 

Wow. That’s a pretty harsh generalization to make about junior colleges. We have no idea how rigorous and challenging a schedule extendedforecast’s dd’s course load may be, and we also don’t know if the subjects tend to come easy for her, so it’s impossible to tell whether or not some missed classes will hurt her grades — and that’s assuming the professors don’t penalize her for missing the classes.

Also, if she is at a junior college, that’s all the more reason why she shouldn’t risk her grades to be with her friend — those grades are going to matter a lot when she needs to transfer to a four-year university.

for the CCs here . . . this is our experience.  I have two who did bas at a top ten liberal arts university, and two who did the cc-transfer to a state school route.

this is their experience. . . .(specifically, 1ds, who has an AS in mech eng. from a cc.  2ds is similar, except accounting.)

at the cc, they had much more hands on with their teacher. (as opposed to a grad student, who may hate teaching, but has to as part of their doc program.)  the students were invested in their education, and being economical - no one was there becasue they wanted to party (an attitude some uni eng. students were very upfront about.). 

the cc isn't abet cert'd - *however* - they are expected to be able to transfer straight across to state eng. schools, incl. one of the better eng. schools in the country (has the only aerospace program north of california, and west of colorado).  that means - despite NOT being abet cert'd, they must meet abet standards for transferring to an abet school.  now that he has transferred, and has a year at uni under his belt (graduates with a bsaae in june) - he's one of the top students in his uni class.  He will be doing the boeing capstone national competition for mech and aero eng. students this coming year.  this, despite NOT "starting at the uni", but at "just" a jr. college.

 

so yeah - don't  skip classes that will threaten grades, as it will pull down that gpa for transferring - or even getting into the follow-on class.

[gardenmom5]

On 8/16/2018 at 5:04 PM, Sneezyone said:

Those ppl (command resources)  are there, but new spouses can be very reluctant to access them (fearing negative career implications) or they’re just plain uncomfortable with strangers, or even unaware the resources exist. Still, the sooner she reaches out to the command, the sooner she’ll appreciate that there are few bogeymen(women) and lots of willing helpers...even if they are strangers. I don’t think the impulse, on DDs part, to help is wrong tho, and, as I said, we have no idea whether MIL will be a help or a hindrance.

your dd is young enough that she's just barely learning how to balance and prioritize what needs to be done - even among the NEEDS to be done catagories.

dh's mba program, they were swamped with "you "need" to do 'this'".   the profs wanted them to prioritize what was most important, from what was "merely" important. 

reality is - we can't do everything.   it's great she wants to help her friend, but unless she plans on putting her ed. on hold for a semester/quarter (or even a year), she needs to be in class when it starts up.

[gardenmom5]

On 8/17/2018 at 9:42 AM, extendedforecast said:

The policy is that they can miss the equivalent of two weeks of classes. 

The friend is 1cm dilated, 75% effaced and baby is in station -3. How imminent is labor?

not remotely.

stations range from - 4 (floating) to + 4 (aka: crowning).  station 0 (head is "engaged" in the narrowest part of pelvis) is the middle.   so, it goes from minus to positive.

my dd is due with her first on sept 2. she's 70% effaced, 3cm dialated, and the baby is "very low" (undefined)

Edited August 18, 2018 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

On 8/16/2018 at 5:27 PM, Arctic Mama said:

Hey, one of the schools I attended was a junior college, and a very good one, too. I know of what I speak on the topic, especially since her daughter was okay with the swap initially. Rebooking the flight would be preferable to missing courses, but even losing an entire semester of work is not the end of the world.  Really.  Even with classes that roll around every few semesters. It’s a pain and might cost some money if she gets dropped, but it’s just class and NOT on par with the importance of a human.

 

And really, as an adult only the DD and friend get to decide whether the trade off is worth the hassle or not.  Mom or some random internet lady doesn’t get to swoop in and proclaim, unequivocally, that college ranks higher than supporting a loved one with their first baby in a challenging situation.  School *is* an important thing, it’s just not the *only* thing.

that depends- is the semester missed, no classes, no grades adversely affected?  or failed/low grade classes becasue material was missed?  in the later case - that's worse than not taking the classes in the first place.

[QueenCat]

4 hours ago, extendedforecast said:

 

The question about labor was asked out of curiosity; it didn’t factor into the decision. DD emailed her professors. At the very least, they will know that she intends to attend. If I could make the decision for her, I’d have her come home before school starts. It’s just not my decision. 

I know it has to be difficult for you in your role as a mom of a young adult... I just hope your DD understands that informing the professor doesn't mean she's "excused." Where dh teaches, he HAS to report all attendance for the first week. Only the registrar's office determines if the absence is excused. And they really only excuse it the first week for emergencies involving immediate family. 

[unsinkable]

If a Mom came on the board, panicking, and said...

"My kid missed the first 2 weeks of classes bc XYZ reason and got dropped from her classes. Now she's missing this semester and it is going to delay her transfer or graduation." OR "My kid didn't get enough credits this semester bc XYZ and now it is going to delay her transfer or graduation."

...I know the majority of posters would rally around her, reassure her, talk her down. "it will be OK. Not the end of the world. Don't worry. Let's come up with a plan." Etc...

That is completely different than advising a student to put herself in that situation deliberately. I think it is spectacularly bad advice to act like it is NBD to miss the first weeks of the semester bc the consequences aren't the end of the world. No, the consequences aren't the end of the world...but at this point, in this situation, they are avoidable. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

2 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

I’ve done both, honestly.  Failed out of a semester for Reasons, and taken time off.  It really was no biggie in the long run besides some time and money.  If I hadn’t had life change and just shelved the whole endeavor I’d have graduated a little later than I initially planned.  But even failing out of a semester I had no trouble getting into the program I wanted.  It looked a little weird to have a smattering of incompletes, withdrawals, and a few sub-C grades, with a bunch of As, but nobody cared.

 

This is not the college world that my kids and their peers live in. Incompletes, withdrawals, some C's (let alone D's or F's), and not only will people care, they will lose their GPA-dependent merit scholarships, or get into other serious trouble with their financial aid and their competitive programs. They will not have success in the long run. They will have failure, and washing out, and more student debt than they can pay in a lifetime.

I'm not saying I think that's true for an ed major at a junior college. I honestly don't know. But for the benefit of parents reading who are new to the college scene in this era, and are as yet under-informed about how it's a Whole New World since they were in college, I think that's why we're all still saying something. The OP's dd has made her choice, and we all genuinely hope it will be totally fine. But for many college students, this isn't a one-off "people before things." The consequences will not be tiny life lessons. They will be door closers and deal breakers.

[unsinkable]

Just now, Tibbie Dunbar said:

 

This is not the college world that my kids and their peers live in. Incompletes, withdrawals, some C's (let alone D's or F's), and not only will people care, they will lose their GPA-dependent merit scholarships, or get into other serious trouble with their financial aid and their competitive programs. They will not have success in the long run. They will have failure, and washing out, and more student debt than they can pay in a lifetime.

I'm not saying I think that's true for an ed major at a junior college. I honestly don't know. But for the benefit of parents reading who are new to the college scene in this era, and are as yet under-informed about how it's a Whole New World since they were in college, I think that's why we're all still saying something. The OP's dd has made her choice, and we all genuinely hope it will be totally fine. But for many college students, this isn't a one-off "people before things." The consequences will not be tiny life lessons. They will be door closers and deal breakers.

 

/OT...what is the name of that doctor's eating plan you've talked about? 

I wrote it down and put it in a Very Safe Place. No one will ever find it now...LOL

[Lang Syne Boardie]

1 minute ago, unsinkable said:

 

/OT...what is the name of that doctor's eating plan you've talked about? 

I wrote it down and put it in a Very Safe Place. No one will ever find it now...LOL

LOL

Dr. Joel Fuhrman's Eat to Live. For preventing or possibly reversing Type 2 diabetes, he also wrote The End of Diabetes, which is the almost the same program but a little more strict. 

[unsinkable]

Just now, Tibbie Dunbar said:

LOL

Dr. Joel Fuhrman's Eat to Live. For preventing or possibly reversing Type 2 diabetes, he also wrote The End of Diabetes, which is the almost the same program but a little more strict. 

Thank you! I appreciate it!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

4 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

You do realize I took classes as recently as three semesters ago, right?  Like, I’m not actually out of it.

 

Yeah, it could affect some scholarships.  Is that in play here?  And if it does, that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice.  Just s cost to consider.

 

No, I don't think I'm aware of the specifics of your academic career. It doesn't sound like you were in the same fields, schools, or programs as the young people the rest of us are aware of...as I said, I was posting because of the parents reading whose children are quite likely to find themselves in the more average college situation of today.

[Katy]

The friend can also choose to be induced at 39 weeks.  A few different studies have come out saying that's safer even for low-risk moms and ends up reducing the number of c-sections dramatically.

[Catwoman]

3 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

I’ve done both, honestly.  Failed out of a semester for Reasons, and taken time off.  It really was no biggie in the long run besides some time and money.  If I hadn’t had life change and just shelved the whole endeavor I’d have graduated a little later than I initially planned.  But even failing out of a semester I had no trouble getting into the program I wanted.  It looked a little weird to have a smattering of incompletes, withdrawals, and a few sub-C grades, with a bunch of As, but nobody cared.

 

Well, clearly it was no biggie to you, but I would strongly suspect that most students (and certainly their parents as well) would be mortified at failing out of a semester, getting incompletes, withdrawals, and sub-C grades, as well at the absolute waste of both time and money. And with that kind of academic record at a junior college, most students would not be accepted into even a halfway decent four year university unless the program to which they applied was desperate for students. 

I think you must have gotten incredibly lucky, because I don’t think your experience is at all typical, at least not based on the stories I have heard IRL as well as on this forum and others. I’m sure you were more than capable of doing the work and getting excellent grades, but a university wouldn’t have known that when you submitted that transcript from the junior college. What degree did you end up getting, or did you drop out before graduating? (Sorry — I wasn’t entirely clear about that from reading your post.)

 

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

 

This is not the college world that my kids and their peers live in. Incompletes, withdrawals, some C's (let alone D's or F's), and not only will people care, they will lose their GPA-dependent merit scholarships, or get into other serious trouble with their financial aid and their competitive programs. They will not have success in the long run. They will have failure, and washing out, and more student debt than they can pay in a lifetime.

I'm not saying I think that's true for an ed major at a junior college. I honestly don't know. But for the benefit of parents reading who are new to the college scene in this era, and are as yet under-informed about how it's a Whole New World since they were in college, I think that's why we're all still saying something. The OP's dd has made her choice, and we all genuinely hope it will be totally fine. But for many college students, this isn't a one-off "people before things." The consequences will not be tiny life lessons. They will be door closers and deal breakers.

 

1 hour ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

 

No, I don't think I'm aware of the specifics of your academic career. It doesn't sound like you were in the same fields, schools, or programs as the young people the rest of us are aware of...as I said, I was posting because of the parents reading whose children are quite likely to find themselves in the more average college situation of today.

 

I agree, Tibbie, and I would hate to see extendedforecast read Arctic Mama’s posts and assume that her experience was typical, because  it’s nothing like the reality I see among the college kids I know, or among the posts on college forums both here and elsewhere online. 

I’m glad things worked out well for Arctic Mama, but I wouldn’t assume that most other students would have a similar outcome to the situation she described. 

[catz]

I know several young adults who've run into major issues with incompletes, class skipping, lack of organization, etc like this and there were major financial  and academic consequences.  And I do think a young adult living in a parent's house and getting financial assistance shouldn't be surprised to get an opinion about this.

It would be interesting to know how many people here flew or drove across country to stay with non-related late stage pregnant mom for more than 2 weeks.   It's very sweet she is willing to help her friend like that.  I just think that could get stale for both parties well before 3 weeks.  And I don't think it's something most adults with jobs and families and responsibilities could pick up and do.  

[Catwoman]

10 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

I’ll PM you ?

 

That’s so nice of you! But if it’s a personal story, please don’t feel like you have to share it with me — I didn’t mean to be too nosy! ?

[TechWife]

1 hour ago, Arctic Mama said:

They’re only avoidable to a point.  That point being whatever flight the daughter decides one. Simple.

The consequences are totally avoidable. The daughter needs to take an earlier flight, then she wouldn't have the consequences of voluntarily missing class.

[Scarlett]

41 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Well, clearly it was no biggie to you, but I would strongly suspect that most students (and certainly their parents as well) would be mortified at failing out of a semester, getting incompletes, withdrawals, and sub-C grades, as well at the absolute waste of both time and money. And with that kind of academic record at a junior college, most students would not be accepted into even a halfway decent four year university unless the program to which they applied was desperate for students. 

I think you must have gotten incredibly lucky, because I don’t think your experience is at all typical, at least not based on the stories I have heard IRL as well as on this forum and others. I’m sure you were more than capable of doing the work and getting excellent grades, but a university wouldn’t have known that when you submitted that transcript from the junior college. What degree did you end up getting, or did you drop out before graduating? (Sorry — I wasn’t entirely clear about that from reading your post.)

 

Whaaaat? Seriously, things do happen and people go on to get degrees, get jobs and have normal lives. On the  scale of horrible no good days/ semesters failing or getting bad grades and having to re do a semester is barely a blip.  Most people aren't trying to get into Big important Schools......and ultimately college is a business and if you have the money for another semester they aren't going to refuse you because you had a semester that that you totally screwed up.  

This whole 'a good school would not consider you' is just sickening to me.  It is a business people.  They take your money and if you perform they give you a degree.  

All that said, I think the OP's dd made a mistake planning  to miss 2 weeks of school.  Missing one week is better but not ideal.....but is her decision.