Stopping Screens/Internet...anybody want to join me?

[umsami]

Last Thursday, our family began a three-week fast from the Internet for the kids. (I am using it less too.)  It was triggered by both behavior I had seen in one of my kids and online porn in another.  I got this book from the library "Reset Your Child's Brain: A Four Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills..."    and I was shocked/surprised to see what she attributes to over use of screens.  I also did not expect much to happen, but we've seen a difference in my seven year old in just a few days.  

I honestly did not want to do this because screens make a great babysitter.  Long trips, Mom needs to do work, etc....letting kids play on the Wii or Fortnite...made my life 1000x easier.  But it didn't really   We were seeing major behavioral issues with my seven year old when he was told it was time to get off.  Throwing things, fits of rage.  

I don't know that they are coming back, to be honest.

The one thing I'm not sure how to handle is that my teens all talk with their friends via Google Hangouts (or while playing Fortnite for my 12 year old.)  Talking on the phone just doesn't happen anymore.  So I need to see if I can figure out a way to only allow hangouts....allow monitored hangouts...or say tough cookies, you need to actually call them.   Any ideas/advice is welcome.  Maybe a "dumb phone" that can text but not access the internet?

[Bambam]

We haven't done this, so I'm not sure I have any useful input. I've wondered about the removal of screens and the ability of teens to talk to their friends as well. The 17 yo went without a phone for five days when hers failed before she got the new one. She seemed to do okay not talking to her friends for that long, but she did miss 'talking' with them (text, FB messenger).

So, as for talking with friends - maybe you just invite them over in person and have a game afternoon? Or a water gun fight in the afternoon/evening? Or maybe rent a movie and everyone watch it? 

[mom2scouts]

Yes, I always notice a definite change in behavior when my kids spend less time online. We are going into what I call "summer rules" this week. There is no computer or TV time until after 6 pm. We don't have game systems or tablets and the kids don't have smart phones. I started this when I realized my kids would choose to sit inside watching TV or playing on the computer all summer. My teen still needs to finish some schoolwork over the summer and he sometimes needs the computer for Scout work, but mostly it's going to be off. I couldn't believe how many problems this rule solved when I first started it.

[Guest]

I applaud you. We have a bad luck/good luck thing at our house because we have limited intenet due to no cable access where we live. We have all complained about it endlessly, but I have been thinking there are some things about this that make me happy. 

Still, though, there is too much screen use in my household and some of it is legitimately probably ireversible. As you said, Kids rarely voice call anyone except bosses for employed kids. Pretty much any time my 18yo or 21yo are actually speaking on the phone, it is re: employment. I think if they telephoned a friend, the friend would think somebody had died. Of course, at their ages, it is also moot to try to control their phone use. For one thing, they are waaaay ahead of me on what can be done on their phones and what apps are available for doing anything, good, bad or ugly. 

It is true though that one thing I love about our beach house (where I am at present) is that there is no TV service. There are DVDs, at night. But during the day, there’s plenty else to do and no TV. 

[marbel]

Based on my own experience and observations, I would be very cautious about cutting off a kid's access to their friends (assuming their friends are not part of the problem).  It depends on the kid and the crowd, of course. If Google Hangouts or whatever is the main way they communicate, I would find a way to keep that available.  You are right, kids don't talk on the phone anymore; if your kid is the only one in the crowd who has to make phone calls rather than communicate in the way the group does, they are going to be left out.  I use google hangouts with my husband only, so I don't know - can people use it for group chatting?  If so, your kid will be left out of all that chatting.  

[freesia]

I love that book. We made changes bc of it that had a huge pay off in terms of attitude and mental health. I am a believer. 

We have been giving ds more latitude this month bc he's going to college. In general he was doing great, but last week I noticed an uptick in his social media time and, sure enough, Sunday he complained he hadn't gotten to relax ( we don't do any computers until after dinner on Sundays, but we had folks over for a fire pit-- he spent the day at church, hanging out with family, reading and then roasting hotdogs and talking around the fire. So what do you think he meant by relaxing?)

Then today he has snapped at me twice and blew up over having to go to a BSA parade and work later. I told him that sulking and exploding were behaviors we noticed when he has too much social media and the contract we made for the relaxation of screen time rules was contingent on treating us well. We have been talking to him about this connection all year. So, he is on warning. 

I would like the rest of us to take a break, but activities don't wind down here for a few weeks. Maybe July. 

eta: typos on phone

[EMS83]

Mine have been cut off from everything for functionality's sake, and I'm working on me.  I think it's great.  And I'm hoping we can find friends for our kids that socialize more like adults and just arranged get-togethers or use email.  (Note I said "hoping" :D).

[marbel]

10 minutes ago, CES2005 said:

Mine have been cut off from everything for functionality's sake, and I'm working on me.  I think it's great.  And I'm hoping we can find friends for our kids that socialize more like adults and just arranged get-togethers or use email.  (Note I said "hoping" :D).

 

Of course every group is different, but I don't even know any adults who use email for anything but business-type communications anymore.  If I use email to send an invitation to a group of people, I have noticed that only those over about 50 are reliable to respond.  Some of the younger people might, but if I ask them, most say "Oh, I didn't see that."  My kids have their email apps on their phones, but according to them,they are in the minority.

Even my daughter's managers (she works in retail so has 2 layers of manager, with one main one and a few assistants) text her or communicate via the company's app.

[happypamama]

There are certain software programs that will let you block apps. Qustodio is one. Kaspersky seems like another. You could block all but the text apps. 

[Targhee]

We have done several screen fasts. Last year in all of August we did, and then School was already going it was easy to point out that they didn’t have time for screens. We switched to only Fri and Sat.  Then again this spring (it was almost a Lenten fast - it was for DH and myself - but only 3 weeks for kids).  This summer we are sticking with our no screens through the week plan. It’s amazing how much more gets done during that time - playing with friends, chores, family games,  little excursions, hiking and swimming, etc.  And in general moods improve, though at first it’s a bit rough.

Good luck with this! I hope it makes for a great three weeks!

[Ellie]

Before there were screens, we would sometimes have discussions about how just deciding to stay home instead of doing all the co-ops and other outside activities really made an improvement in family life. :-)

I'm going to be the one to day no screens, not even for your teens. They can learn to make actual phone calls and meet IRL if they live close enough. Possibly it is just that I am Old. :-) But I still think that if you're going to eliminate screens, then it should be all screens. Your children will learn to adjust.

[Targhee]

We did allow oldest (only one with a phone) to check her texts and emails twice a day. She’s not super social, so it was not too hard on her.  The other thing we did was invite people over more. Kids could also invite people to activities (swimming, hiking, the park, etc).  I have several friends who have given their kids “dumb” phones for the texting. And a few of my friends use Circle with Disney to control/limit things at home, even for their teens. I’m not sure of the particulars but I thought you could limit domains so maybe turn off everything but google hangouts?

Call me a Luddite if you will, but I truly think the Internet and smart phones (and on-demand TV, on demand food, 2-day shipping on anything under the sun, immediate results for so much!) are messing with our brains. And our kids’ brains most severely. I’m not sure how to tackle this - technology has true benefits and is in every aspect of our lives - but I’m all for tackling it. We aren’t that far off from floating around in our hover chairs with our septuacentennial cupcake-in-a-cups

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

We we have had extended screen vacations, but we will never ban them.  The vacations helped reset things and clarify boundaries.  Technology is a gift and a tool, it’s also a necessity for most (not all) in our social and work environments. 

 

For the OP,

It took my guys at least 2 months to reset their thinking about screens. It was almost 6 months, I think,  before they earned them back by demonstrating the ability to get stuff done and entertain themselves without them. We did the long break a number of years ago and haven’t had to since. 

 

[umsami]

So I've been playing around with Google's Family Link app.  I made my son younger than he is (as it automatically gives the kids control at 13), and it allowed me to disable things I wanted to on his phone but keep Hangouts.  

After our reset, we'll see if this helps.... but there will be new screen rules in the home such as all devices stay with me and are checked out for a limited time, etc.

[freesia]

7 minutes ago, umsami said:

So I've been playing around with Google's Family Link app.  I made my son younger than he is (as it automatically gives the kids control at 13), and it allowed me to disable things I wanted to on his phone but keep Hangouts.  

After our reset, we'll see if this helps.... but there will be new screen rules in the home such as all devices stay with me and are checked out for a limited time, etc.

I would also recommend limiting the time on hangouts.  I was concerned when we made a one hour rule, but it was fine.  Their friends learned when they were on.  I was also very proactive about filling up their time with more actual irl contact and telling them about how much more restorative it was.  So, try in the beginning especially to do a lot as a family and invite folks over to hang out, or go on a hike. We joined a new co-op so we were out of the house more and met new irl friends.  One hour has been fine to keep them in contact with their irl friends and touch base with their virtual friends.  They don't feel out of the social loop.  In fact, I can honestly say their social life is much, much better than it was when we allowed them on social media more and their mental health is miles better.

Stay strong, mama, you are doing the right thing.

[freesia]

Oh and I am quite annoying in pointing out how much happier we are as a family with less screen time.  I think they realize it, too.  They also roll their eyes at me---but I want them to make the connection.  I also point out how it affects us/them, when we relax the rule.

[marbel]

1 hour ago, umsami said:

So I've been playing around with Google's Family Link app.  I made my son younger than he is (as it automatically gives the kids control at 13), and it allowed me to disable things I wanted to on his phone but keep Hangouts.  

After our reset, we'll see if this helps.... but there will be new screen rules in the home such as all devices stay with me and are checked out for a limited time, etc.

That sounds like a great option.  I hope it works out well.  

[Bluegoat]

Since dd has lost her phone, I notice she will, if we suggest it, call her friends and set up things to do.  So it isn't impossible to encourage kids to use phones.  It might even be that they find there are advantages to them.

[LucyStoner]

2 hours ago, Ellie said:

BI'm going to be the one to day no screens, not even for your teens. They can learn to make actual phone calls and meet IRL if they live close enough. Possibly it is just that I am Old. ? But I still think that if you're going to eliminate screens, then it should be all screens. Your children will learn to adjust.

 

 

I think I am younger or the same age as your daughters, Ellie.  Social norms for teens are very different now.  Calling someone without contacting them first on google hangouts would be seen as a large social misfire in my teen son's circle.  There's nothing better about calls than other forms of communication and he lives near only one friend.  The rest of his school friends are a 1.5-2 hour bus ride away.  Socializing and studying/group school work is done via various phone apps. Cutting my son off from his device would literally be the same as cutting him off from his friends.  Fortunately, he doesn't overdo it time-wise and we would help him set limits if he needed us to. 

Also, almost all of his schoolwork is on his school-issued laptop as he attends a full-time STEM high school magnet and is no longer homeschooling.  I take his laptop away at bedtime because he can always find one more thing to add to any assignment but I definitely can't just ban it- its use is part of the attendance agreement we signed to enroll him at the program.  I don't take away his phone at night because he uses it for music and meditation at bedtime.  If he were using it to contact people or access the internet, I would take it at night.  

[SereneHome]

I very firmly believe that electronics, and the extent to which they are used, messing with our brains.  I also very firmly believe that banning anything is not the way to handle things.  There was a time last year that I banned my kids from any kind of electronics for awhile and yes, I saw a huge difference in what they were doing and their interactions between each other.  But that's not a feasible solution at all, especially as they will be getting older.  I always look for long term solutions. 

So I am trying so so hard to teach them limits and boundaries.  I haven't succeeded at all yet, but I am hoping and praying.   But I am very worried.  I can tell that without any supervision they would be drowning in Ipad games and TV shows. 

I know this is a way of life now, but it worries me a lot

[freesia]

38 minutes ago, SereneHome said:

I very firmly believe that electronics, and the extent to which they are used, messing with our brains.  I also very firmly believe that banning anything is not the way to handle things.  There was a time last year that I banned my kids from any kind of electronics for awhile and yes, I saw a huge difference in what they were doing and their interactions between each other.  But that's not a feasible solution at all, especially as they will be getting older.  I always look for long term solutions. 

So I am trying so so hard to teach them limits and boundaries.  I haven't succeeded at all yet, but I am hoping and praying.   But I am very worried.  I can tell that without any supervision they would be drowning in Ipad games and TV shows. 

I know this is a way of life now, but it worries me a lot

That's why, while their brains are growing, I think it is so important to really limit.  My ds, despite our glitch today, is so much more ready to self-regulate than he was even at 16.  These gadgets are designed to be addictive, young kids will not be able to regulate them and they don't have the maturity to understand why.  I would recommend that you read Reset Your Child's Brain for some of the science behind what many of us are saying.

We all learned to use and regulate as adults, not having gadgets in elementary- middle school will not put them behind in any way, including learning to regulate. 

[nixpix5]

Tech exposure is different on a kid and teen brain than an adult. We are incredibly limited on what tech we expose our kids to. I love that they love reading, writing, board games, building and the outdoors. I know with how rampant addiction runs in my extended family that their jacked up little dopamine centers would create a tech utopia and they would cease to genuinely love all of those things in the same way. There is plenty of time to introduce tech and meanwhile, we do teach electronic circuit building, computer building, and programing hands on with Raspberry pi 3 devices. I don't feel we are putting them at a disadvantage. They have plenty of hang out friends. 

[SereneHome]

2 hours ago, freesia said:

That's why, while their brains are growing, I think it is so important to really limit.  My ds, despite our glitch today, is so much more ready to self-regulate than he was even at 16.  These gadgets are designed to be addictive, young kids will not be able to regulate them and they don't have the maturity to understand why.  I would recommend that you read Reset Your Child's Brain for some of the science behind what many of us are saying.

We all learned to use and regulate as adults, not having gadgets in elementary- middle school will not put them behind in any way, including learning to regulate. 

Oh we very much limit, we just don't ban anything in it's entirety.  My kids are only allowed electronics on the weekends.  My husband thought that they are so starving for it that they can't stop.  Well, there were periods of time when they were allowed electronics during the week too, they NEVER got enough.  I think some people just self-regulate better than others.  I truly hope that I can teach them how to self-regulate, but I don't know if I'll ever be successful bc I, myself, have very addictive personality and just bc I never got addicted to anything bad, doesn't mean I know how to stop when I need to.  I will read until 5am, knowing that my alarm will go off at 7am and I will have to function for the day.  May be not as bad as watching TV but still not smart!  So, I never learned / was taught.  I would love to do better for  my kids

[Ausmumof3]

5 hours ago, umsami said:

So I've been playing around with Google's Family Link app.  I made my son younger than he is (as it automatically gives the kids control at 13), and it allowed me to disable things I wanted to on his phone but keep Hangouts.  

After our reset, we'll see if this helps.... but there will be new screen rules in the home such as all devices stay with me and are checked out for a limited time, etc.

I really like this app.  It has a time feature where you can set it to lock after a certain amount of time.  This is good for me because I'm good at setting rule and then not noticing when they aren't being followed.  Also I can see time on each app so if kids are using it for school I can see how much they've done etc.  I can then add time accordingly.

i do have a love hate thing with screens that's for sure.

[SKL]

I've been thinking about summer rules too.  Generally my kids have so little free time at home that they can't overuse the internet.  But when they can, they do, and it is reflected in behavior.  Plus they don't sleep enough if they manage to sneak electronics after bedtime.  I recently discovered that one of my kids' DS device is being used to play on the internet.  ?

So I have to decide what the rule is going to be and how I'm going to police it.

I'm thinking there is a minimum amount of "work" that needs to be done first, AND the devices are only available for certain hours of the day.

Some of their classes and scout work will require computer use.  So that will need to be worked into the rules.  I'm not so stupid as to believe they don't play around when they claim a "legitimate need" for their screens ....

[Bluegoat]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

I've been thinking about summer rules too.  Generally my kids have so little free time at home that they can't overuse the internet.  But when they can, they do, and it is reflected in behavior.  Plus they don't sleep enough if they manage to sneak electronics after bedtime.  I recently discovered that one of my kids' DS device is being used to play on the internet.  ?

So I have to decide what the rule is going to be and how I'm going to police it.

I'm thinking there is a minimum amount of "work" that needs to be done first, AND the devices are only available for certain hours of the day.

Some of their classes and scout work will require computer use.  So that will need to be worked into the rules.  I'm not so stupid as to believe they don't play around when they claim a "legitimate need" for their screens ....

 

 

I've seen some lists of things to do before screen time - like read a book for 1/2 hour, finish chores, etc.

[Janeway]

I need to go look for that book.

[blondeviolin]

My kids are on a screen fast right now. They do well. But, when they're not "unplugged" (as we call it), they only access screens half an hour a day after a mom-designated chore is completed. The only exception is facetiming friends. (We're mil so their friends are thousands of miles away.)

[DawnM]

DH's work is all online.  My work is partly online, two kids taking online classes.  We aren't likely to go no screens.  LOL. Youngest has some work online, but mostly not.  But he will drop the internet/screens in a hot minute if he has friends to go hang out with or something else to do.  He is very social.

So, no, we aren't going no screens.

[marbel]

9 hours ago, Bluegoat said:

I've seen some lists of things to do before screen time - like read a book for 1/2 hour, finish chores, etc.

 

I saw one of those lists a few days ago.  I think they are mostly pretty good with regard to finishing chores, but I'm not sure about making things that should be pleasant - read a book, go outside and play - a "chore" to do before screen time.  I don't know, because I've never done it, but it seems that telling a kid "you have to read for 1/2 an hour before screen time" is not the way to make a kid enjoy reading more than screen time, unless they already enjoy reading more than screen time.  I don't remember where I read it, and my memory is vague, but some time ago I came across a book (article, not sure) cautioning against using pursuits that should be pleasurable as punishment or chore.   (Another example was forcing a kid to write an essay as punishment for some infraction, which isn't likely to make a kid love writing essays.) 

But, the only time I had to do a screen fast with my kids was when the screen was tv, they were under 10 years old, and we just turned it off completely for a week. So I am no expert. :-)

[Bluegoat]

1 hour ago, marbel said:

 

I saw one of those lists a few days ago.  I think they are mostly pretty good with regard to finishing chores, but I'm not sure about making things that should be pleasant - read a book, go outside and play - a "chore" to do before screen time.  I don't know, because I've never done it, but it seems that telling a kid "you have to read for 1/2 an hour before screen time" is not the way to make a kid enjoy reading more than screen time, unless they already enjoy reading more than screen time.  I don't remember where I read it, and my memory is vague, but some time ago I came across a book (article, not sure) cautioning against using pursuits that should be pleasurable as punishment or chore.   (Another example was forcing a kid to write an essay as punishment for some infraction, which isn't likely to make a kid love writing essays.) 

But, the only time I had to do a screen fast with my kids was when the screen was tv, they were under 10 years old, and we just turned it off completely for a week. So I am no expert. ?

 

The difficulty is that for a lot of kids, it becomes the easy go-to thing, so they never have a chance to enjoy those other things.  The rewards of the screen induced dopamine hit are too high and immediate.  It's like, "Hey kid, choose between this crack pipe and the satisfaction of a pick-up hockey game" when the kid is already habituated to the crack pipe.

I think that if you explain the reasoning, and even the science involved, that can go a long way to helping the kid see these other things as not a punishment, but as a way to achieve balance.  You can always set the list to reflect the kid's interests too.  Reading might be there if that's something you regularly require in the school year, on the other hand if you don't require it in summer, don't include it.  Maybe include them in making up the list.

It might be that if they are so young they can't understand at all the purpose of doing other things first, they are just too young for interactive screens.

[marbel]

1 hour ago, Bluegoat said:

 

The difficulty is that for a lot of kids, it becomes the easy go-to thing, so they never have a chance to enjoy those other things.  The rewards of the screen induced dopamine hit are too high and immediate.  It's like, "Hey kid, choose between this crack pipe and the satisfaction of a pick-up hockey game" when the kid is already habituated to the crack pipe.

I think that if you explain the reasoning, and even the science involved, that can go a long way to helping the kid see these other things as not a punishment, but as a way to achieve balance.  You can always set the list to reflect the kid's interests too.  Reading might be there if that's something you regularly require in the school year, on the other hand if you don't require it in summer, don't include it.  Maybe include them in making up the list.

It might be that if they are so young they can't understand at all the purpose of doing other things first, they are just too young for interactive screens.

 

Yeah, I get you.  I think a lot depends on how it's presented, too. And the ages, of course!  I think a list of stuff that must be done (help with yard work, do various chores, etc) is great.  Then have the kids help make a list of fun things they would like to do that don't involve screens.  Sure, kids forget that there are fun things to do without devices.  Adults forget too.  :-)  That's why lists can help. I'm not against lists. 

I looked up the list I saw. It's on facebook and I don't know how to insert it here for ease of reading.  Anyway,  there were a few basics: 

Have you: brushed your teeth, made your bed, gotten dressed, had breakfast...

Then it says 

"Plus...20 minutes of reading, 20 minutes of writing/coloring, clean up one room, played outside 20 minutes, made/built something creative, helped someone in the family

THEN YOU CAN USE ELECTRONICS"

So, there's a mostly fun stuff plus a chore, and the vague "help someone."   

I would put the chore with the first list. Those would be must-dos.  I would not mix in a chore with things that are supposed to be fun.  Instead of "helped someone..." I would have "check with mom/dad to see if they need help with anything"

Then I'd have the fun stuff list, and I would help facilitate it.  I know this adds to the parental burden.  

(Side rant: for some kids, saying "be creative" with no suggestions or limits is a sure creativity killer.)

I know this is just one list put together by one person (I have no idea where it came from).  But that's what I mean.  Don't  make reading, writing, doing creative stuff into a chore like cleaning a room.  

I suppose there is an argument that cleaning a room shouldn't be looked on as a dreaded chore, and I do know kids who enjoy cleaning, so people who have those kids can ignore me. :-)  :-)

 

[BooksandBoys]

We’ll be doing extremely limited or no screens this summer, but I’m still trying to figure out which. 

All of mine are showing behavioral issues that I attribute directly to screens. This is frustrating because a) we are already a low screen household and b) two of my kids are very high maintenance and screens are the only times they Leave Me Alone. Otherwise, the talk to me nonstop. Nonstop. 

I’ve put that book on hold a the library for motivation/encouragement. I find that the “educational” games are my downfall...I feel like they need the extra review or something, but that’s just a reflection of the feelings I have about my abilities as a homeschooler these last two years. And I don’t have any buy-in from their father on this. He thinks I’m crazy about screens affecting them (or him). Oh well. 

[JustEm]

We desperately need to do this. Ever since we we started renovating our house 6 weeks ago to prepare it to sell the kids have had almost unlimited time. It is just easier for my parents to handle all 5, specifically the youngest two, when others are preoccupied with screens. When dh and I get home from working on the house their behavior is awful. They argue with us and each other, whine about everything, and are just lethargic. 

We should be done with the house in a few days and then it'll be no screens for everyone cold turkey while they readjust.

[Bluegoat]

I'm going to do this too for the summer.  The kids are going to be busy with stuff anyway, so no need for screens.

[busymama7]

5 hours ago, DawnM said:

DH's work is all online.  My work is partly online, two kids taking online classes.  We aren't likely to go no screens.  LOL. Youngest has some work online, but mostly not.  But he will drop the internet/screens in a hot minute if he has friends to go hang out with or something else to do.  He is very social.

So, no, we aren't going no screens.

Not directed at you specifcally but just as an FYI. We have had very successful fasts when only eliminating for fun screens. We have still done school or work online as needed but refrained from social media, games, movies etc. it still really helped re set the automatic response to do nothing else but screw around online. 

[DawnM]

3 hours ago, busymama7 said:

Not directed at you specifcally but just as an FYI. We have had very successful fasts when only eliminating for fun screens. We have still done school or work online as needed but refrained from social media, games, movies etc. it still really helped re set the automatic response to do nothing else but screw around online. 

 

I know this wasn't directed at me, but for us, we just don't have a need to limit screen times.  All of my kids are currently in school (college, high school, and middle school) and all are on honor roll, will drop their screen fun time to hang out physically with real people, and will get off when I ask them to do something necessary.  Two of them also play an instruments and will drop screens to practice because they want to (really, we never did formal lessons, they actually wanted to play and asked for the instruments and YouTubed how to play!)  If they weren't doing those things, I might see a need to limit them, but I don't.

 

Everyone has to figure this out for themselves, and granted, my kids are older, and we no longer homeschool, so it is a little different for us, but we haven't seen the need.  And since two of my kids are now older than 18, I won't impose anything on them other than contributing to the household with chores, etc...

 

[Peaceseeker]

We are considering a long internet fast this summer.  We have done a couple of shorter breaks but I think we need a reset.  We are doing it together with the kids, and trying to come up with fun things we can do instead so it doesn't seem like a punishment.  I have one who is a gamer and I know he isn't thrilled.  But I think we need to unplug for a while, all of us.  So if you don't hear from me much this summer on the boards that is why.

[umsami]

So I thought I'd update.

 

We've seen much better behavior.  Kids are back to playing, reading, etc.....not looking around aimlessly.  Even my 14 year old has started building with Legos again.  

 

It's been a very good decision.

[TracyP]

We are about 5 weeks into a limited screen time routine. Well, no screens for the kids and very limited for me. I cannot even begin to describe how good it has been. The first week or two was tough, but since then it has been wonderful. I honestly don't know when screens are coming back. The benefits have gone far beyond what I could have ever imagined.

I had the same issue with my kids (especially the oldest) not having a good way to contact her friends. Like others have said, it seems that kids don't call each other anymore. I bought her a smartphone that does not have data (through total wireless). She could access wifi with it, but we are rural enough that it's a non issue. It has been a great compromise.

 

 

[umsami]

It's been going well...but the kids are hoping they'll get Fortnite and stuff back.

 

Just saw this today, though....   http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5837431/Video-games-affect-brains-like-drugs-alcohol-study-finds.html

 

"

Their series of studies revealed that the amygdala-striatal system – the impulsive section of the brain – was smaller and more sensitive in addicted players users, in order to process the stimuli of games faster.

 

The findings, reported in the Daily Telegraph, come after primary schools warned parents on Monday that their children’s education is being damaged by Fortnite.

[Guest]

I’m still so conflicted on this. I just signed DS13 up for a summer camp in July and, honestly, the largest element of the camp I’m looking forward to is they have no screens. Their little butts are busy from 7:30am until 10:15pm and none of it is a screen. 

I keep wishing I had the fortitude to make this the way it is in our household. Maybe there is a way I could institute a major limit after he comes home from camp. But I don’t know...the hardest part (at home) is “forcing” him to think of something else to do. It will be easy at camp because there will be planned activities all day long. But I cannot be the activities coordinator all the time at home. Urg. 

[umsami]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

I’m still so conflicted on this. I just signed DS13 up for a summer camp in July and, honestly, the largest element of the camp I’m looking forward to is they have no screens. Their little butts are busy from 7:30am until 10:15pm and none of it is a screen. 

I keep wishing I had the fortitude to make this the way it is in our household. Maybe there is a way I could institute a major limit after he comes home from camp. But I don’t know...the hardest part (at home) is “forcing” him to think of something else to do. It will be easy at camp because there will be planned activities all day long. But I cannot be the activities coordinator all the time at home. Urg. 

The first week, they were clueless.  They kept asking me what to do... complaining about being bored.

The second week, they dusted off Legos, built a fort, went outside.

My problem is that I slightly relented by giving access to Hangouts on a tablet for 15 minutes each day.  They keep trying to encroach on that.

[Pen]

I hope you will keep the thread going. 

Im trying to figure this out for my family too. 

[Janeway]

I am sending my son to public school this fall. He is 14 yrs old, yet, we have meltdown's when I try to extract him from the computer. He can barely function with the computer around. I recognize the name Fortnite as that is one of the things he does. I think I will have my husband remove the computer today and tell him it is gone for the weekend. We actually took him to a psychologist last year who told us, without me telling her I thought it was a problem, that she believes he has problems caused by or at least exasperated by computer use. When he goes to public school, well, they issue the kids ipads and/or computers, but I don't think they can play games on them. He will have school all day and extra curricular most evenings. I am hoping the computer usage comes to a screeching halt. 

 

What got me looking for this thread was watching old home videos from years ago. Everything right down to my children's behavior and even how the adults interact has changed drastically through the years. Everyone, children included, were way more calm. We interacted and listened to each other. There was very little interrupting and the bouncing on behalf of the kids was reduced. Even I sat still in the videos and was just engaged in the conversations going on (Grandma liked to film a lot when people were together and having a get together). These days, I would be grabbing my phone and constantly glancing at it.

[lailasmum]

I find my son does better when he has breaks from screens. Either all screens or just specific aspects. I always struggle with activities for him so I probably rely on screen entertainment too much for him. My eldest doesn't seem to have such issues but I heavily limited her screen use when she was younger and she's not so dependent on them for her entertainment. She fills her time with a lot of creative projects and most of her screen usage tends to support that rather than the other way around.  I would never totally get rid of their access to screens, some weeks the online community is their only access to other kids as we don't have much of a home education community locally especially for kids over 9 or so.  I'm doing a computing and IT degree so I'll not be limiting my own screen time anytime soon. 

[bethben]

We did this for the most part for many of the same reasons (also after reading the same book which made us realize ds13 was starting a true addiction).  We have Mac computers and we’re able to sufficiently block the internet for ds13 while allowing him only email and his ability to write his book (it’s his thing).  

For ds17, we added a family monitoring service (Verizon) to his smart phone that basically only allows what I allow.  Right now, he has no data and no internet access in the house.  He can text and has some apps that I allow.  I’m not sure if it could work with google hangouts.  We also have the ability to monitor his computer through a Microsoft monitoring product.  The way this works for him is that he wanted to not access porn so he’s agreed to the restrictions and for the most part-not always-has been ok with it.  He gets 1-2 hours of internet per week sitting in the kitchen with me there.

 Dd 11 has no computer access.  She did at school with games that “taught” math and spent more time playing the game than learning the math. We’ll figure out what to do about the social aspect of texting when she gets there.  

[BooksandBoys]

We’re three weeks into our screen fast today. (Full disclosure, the kids have watched two movies in that time when I had appointments and DH, who thinks this is crazy, was in charge). 

Middle guy, who is always “bored,” and refuses to do anything at all is doing things. Painting. Coloring. Looking at books. Occasionally reading something or trying his hand at writing.

Youngest has had only two major tantrums in the last 1.5 weeks (he was having them all day long, and they were affecting our ability to do anything, even go to fun activities). Both of those tantrums were within a few hours of those two movies. He was the reason I decided to try the screen fast. I’m so pleased to see positive changes  

Oldest appears mostly unchanged. He has a bit more EF left for life now that he’s not planning what he’ll do next in his games, but that’s all I see. When he was younger, I did screen fasts all the time because he was very sensitive, but it seems that has lessened. 

My kids are concerned that I’ll never give their screens back. They might be right. ?

[KathyBC]

My first thought, "How would I let you know I had joined you?" :-)

But seriously, off to read the rest of the comments as there's some merit here, for sure.