Oh, please tell me how to handle this. I'm fuming!

[wendyroo]

The friend who said she would help you stay in the loop...is she technologically savvy?

 

If so, then it would be possible for her to set up email notifications from her facebook to her email, and then for her email to automatically forward them to you (without her even seeing them in her inbox if she didn't want to).

 

Generally, though, I agree with the others that this is your responsibility, not hers or the leader's.  The onus is on you if you decide not to participate in the group's established communication method.

 

Wendy

[bettyandbob]

 

 

Anyway OP, if I understand right, you left FB and told them that, and they never gave any indication that they would not use some other form of communication. If that's the case, I can understand being a irked. I wouldn't be snarky about it, but I would say something like "hey, I told you I don't have facebook, you said it it was no problem, but you haven't been giving me info. If not having facebook is going to be a problem, I need to know."

 

Now, if you had been told right away when you left FB that that was the only form of communication, then I think the problem is on you.

I don't think it's fair to say that the OP should have been told immediately that not having FB and needing the group to communicate in an alternative for to her was a problem. The leader of the group may not have known adding on that extra step was going to difficult for her to remember on top of all the other crap in running the group. At the point of the request the leader had not had to take an extra step so she really did not know.

 

OP I think you have to accept this is the way this club communicates. If your DS is going to miss too much because of it, he should step down as an officer.

 

Being the leader of a group, even a small one is hard. Sometimes leading smaller groups is harder because every member wants a say in how things are run without taking responsibility for actually running it. When I managed a swim team with 100 kids, we'd just announce "team is doing X on Y" and no one questioned it. When I did a 8 person science class/activty for 6-8 year olds everyone was always chiming in about every detail and it really was hard to actually provide the activity.

[regentrude]

I would encourage any group I'm in to decouple from FB, or at least not use it as the SOLE means of communication. Because of the way Facebook handles your feeds, it is common for people not to see updates: https://twitter.com/Hellchick/status/942863353403150336

 

That's an extreme example, but it's typical. Until FB stops "curating" posts and offers the ability to simply view your feed chronologically, it's sub-optimal for this sort of communication.

 

The feed is stupid, but one does not have to rely on the feed to see updates.

You can simply visit the page of the organization or group to see all the posts on that page in chronological order.

[cmarthur]

I really prefer not to be on Facebook. It is just one more thing you have to check every morning. But so many groups and organizations use it as their main mean of communication, so I have an account that's only purpose is to send me an email when one of those groups posts some info. I set up my notifications to email me for those groups only. Each morning when I check my email, I also get any notices of Facebook postings. It allows me to stay updated without using Facebook. This could be a solution with the 4H group.

[poppy]

 

I think it's really kind of crazy that any group doesn't use at LEAST two forms of group communication.  I think relying on a single form of communication, especially one that is as passive as a facebook post, which gives the leader no indication that the information has been received, is not good leadership

 

Yup.  Exactly why group leaders quit.  Hearing  "you didn't accommodate my whim, so you are not a good leader" after spending like 15 hours that week setting up programs for that person's kid.  It's like people who sign up and don't volunteer have no responsibility whatsoever, and any lapse on my part brings immediate annoyance and reprisals.

[gardenmom5]

It did ( and has) affected my kid so I'm not sure what you mean by that. And I'm always appreciative of people that volunteer their time for my kid. I'm not trying to make it difficult for anyone but golly, my kid can't be in 4-h because I'm not on Facebook? Now that seems absurd. I'm trying to do my part and meet her halfway.

 

I dont' see you trying to meet her at all, but expecting her to use a second form of communication just to keep you informed. (or your friend to stop what she's doing, to keep you updated.)  you aren't doing anything extra, but are expecting that she will.

the group uses FB to send messages to the group to stay informed.  you knew that when you joined.

 

Make peace with your son being the odd man out and understand that it’s no one else’s fault.

 

OR

 

Open a new google email. Use that email to open a FB account without using your full real name (my friend’s account for our homeschool FB group is “Molly Fourkidsâ€. We all know who she is. Set the FB to forward to your new fake email. Check that email regularly.

 

That’s how to make a dummy FB account.

 

and the new fake email can be forwarded to an email you actually use.  but there will be time lags, it's not as instantaneous as a text.

their could well be opposition to switching to texts - after all, they require a text capable phone, and not everyone has one or is willing to do texts when they joined a FB communicating group.

[historically accurate]

I used to run a small homeschool co-op. We went FB only for messages, but before we made the decision, it was like the following:

 

• Suzy doesn't have a smart phone - please call, no texting
• Barbara loses her phone daily, so no calls - please email
• Nancy and her husband share the email account, and he doesn't want to see notifications - please text

Everyone had reasons, often usually more than "this is my preferred method", but it can be just too much. Even though we were really small (like 5-10 families), it made me crazy because everyone thought, well, there's only 8 of us, so she can surely contact me through ...  Well, multiply that by 8, and snow days meant I was spending 30-45 minutes getting hold of everyone . When we switched, we had people complaining right and left and then it all worked out - snow days took me watching the news and posting 1 thing (and I could go back to sleep!). The people who weren't already on FB joined or reactivated their accounts; we definitely had at least one "fake FB account" within the group. 

 

OP, I hope you can figure something out, but I don't think it should be on the leader. She isn't trying to be mean, it just gets to be too much because when you make one exception... I vote for fake FB account directed to email.

 

Edited for grammar

Edited January 10, 2018 by beckyjo

[Bambam]

I know that stinks, and I'm sorry.

 

But, I was also a 4-H group leader. Everyone was on FB and that was our communication method - but one family didn't want to check it, so they wanted me to remember to call them to remind them of every meeting, every change, and anything else they might be interested in. The previous leader had done that. I refused - there was no way I was going to remember to do that every time, and I put the information out there, and I didn't have the time to babysit (that is what it felt like to me) this one family when everyone else was capable of keeping up.

 

Now, if I was a paid 4-H agent, I might have felt differently, but volunteer? I honestly do not appreciate people who want to make my unpaid-job-that-takes-time-and-energy-away-from-my-family harder. Just no. 

 

My suggestion if you want to continue - Rejoin FB. Unfriend everyone else and just stay in that group and check it. 

[JFSinIL]

Or - maybe have someone else you are close to in the group who IS on FB agree to call or text you anything important that is shared via FB.

[Guest]

I lead several groups, all on FB. I love it. I can see who has viewed the messages and all messages are in one spot, forever.

 

I’ve dealt with a woman who says she never checks her email, please text her, people who don’t have smart phones and don’t text, emails bouncing, people changing emails without telling me, the mysterious “I never got that emailâ€, on and on and on.

Hurray for Facebook! Are there issues?? Probably. Nothing is actually free in life.

[ktgrok]

It did ( and has) affected my kid so I'm not sure what you mean by that. And I'm always appreciative of people that volunteer their time for my kid. I'm not trying to make it difficult for anyone but golly, my kid can't be in 4-h because I'm not on Facebook? Now that seems absurd. I'm trying to do my part and meet her halfway.

 

Instead of Facebook, imagine this was 1990 and you refused to turn your phone ringer on because you found the ringing intrusive,  and then were miffed that they wouldn't mail you the changes each time, or stop by and tell you. That is how it is coming across to her. 

 

You have the ability to use Facebook. They communicate via Facebook. But you don't like it, and want special treatment. 

 

Had you no internet, and no ability to use Facebook, I could see them trying to help you. But having access to the messages and basically just choosing not to read them, while wanting another communication method? Sorry, no sympathy.

 

If say, you can't be on Facebook because you have a violent stalker trying to find you, fine, let her know and maybe they can find another way to make this work. Otherwise, it's just a communication method, there is nothing moral or immoral about Facebook anymore than there is with a phone line. You don't have to gossip on it anymore than you have to gossip on the phone. Or post photos, or whatever. Just set it up to get notifications from that group. 

[ktgrok]

I would encourage any group I'm in to decouple from FB, or at least not use it as the SOLE means of communication. Because of the way Facebook handles your feeds, it is common for people not to see updates: https://twitter.com/Hellchick/status/942863353403150336

 

That's an extreme example, but it's typical. Until FB stops "curating" posts and offers the ability to simply view your feed chronologically, it's sub-optimal for this sort of communication.

 

But group notifications don't go in your regular feed. Or rather, they do, but you can also set it up to notify you whenever anyone posts in the group. Plus you can once a day or week or whatever go directly to the group page to check. 

[LuvToRead]

I know that stinks, and I'm sorry.

 

But, I was also a 4-H group leader. Everyone was on FB and that was our communication method - but one family didn't want to check it, so they wanted me to remember to call them to remind them of every meeting, every change, and anything else they might be interested in. The previous leader had done that. I refused - there was no way I was going to remember to do that every time, and I put the information out there, and I didn't have the time to babysit (that is what it felt like to me) this one family when everyone else was capable of keeping up.

 

Now, if I was a paid 4-H agent, I might have felt differently, but volunteer? I honestly do not appreciate people who want to make my unpaid-job-that-takes-time-and-energy-away-from-my-family harder. Just no. 

 

My suggestion if you want to continue - Rejoin FB. Unfriend everyone else and just stay in that group and check it. 

 

I can relate.  I actually have no problem with sending a FB post and sending around a text, and I would even do an email,  but I absolutely draw the line of making phone calls. Like many volunteers, I am in charge of several different activities.  Phone calls can be such a time suck, and I don't have time (or the desire) to chat.  

[poppy]

It has nothing to do with a "whim."  It has to do providing a reliable means of providing information to the group at possible. I don't care what two methods groups use, but I think all groups should use two.  Whether that's group text and FB, or a web calendar and flyer, or email and phone calls or whatever.  Crap happens.  People's computers die, their kids drop their phones in puddles, flyers get lost, whatever.  Backups. 

 

I have been a GS leader, and a co-leader.  I am not ignorant of what sort of work goes into volunteering for these types of positions. 

 

Someone's computer dies, that's a bad day. "I don't like the way you do it, do it different for me every day going forward.  Or you are a bad leader" is a whim, to me.  Or at bare minimum, a true pain in the butt.

[bettyandbob]

I don't understand. When a leader says "sure, I can do X" and then the leader doesn't do X....that is the fault of the group member?

 

To me, this is kind of like...changing a phone or email address. Lets say this group uses group text instead of FB (which is a perfectly normal and common way for groups today to communicate.) And some one in the group changes their phone number. They notify the leader of the group, who says "sure, I will update my group text list with your new number." Then.....the leader doesn't. That isn't the group member's fault, it's the leader's fault. "Sorry, it's hard for me to remember to change my group text list" doesn't really work.

 

If a leader says "I will communicate with you by X method" then I think the leader should use X method. If the leader can't use X method, than the leader needs to be the one to let the group members know. BEFORE there's a problem.

Again if you've never made an accommodation you may not know you actually can't do it consistently or at all. At the point of being asked the leader, who is already volunteering to manage a lot of stuff for the group and has a life beyond the group, doesn't actually know that one more thing on her to do list is too much. So, she says yes she will do it. However, IME this kind of agreeing to the EXTRA thing is really a polite "I'll try." Honestly, "I'll try" is all we can expect. Now, the OP knows it was too much to ask.

 

Remember the leader is a volunteer. The leader has more to keep track of than one family. The leader has her own family to take care of, other volunteer work and possibly a job.

[historically accurate]

It has nothing to do with a "whim."  It has to do providing a reliable means of providing information to the group at possible. I don't care what two methods groups use, but I think all groups should use two.  Whether that's group text and FB, or a web calendar and flyer, or email and phone calls or whatever.  Crap happens.  People's computers die, their kids drop their phones in puddles, flyers get lost, whatever.  Backups. 

 

I have been a GS leader, and a co-leader.  I am not ignorant of what sort of work goes into volunteering for these types of positions. 

 

Yes, FB is only 1 method for the volunteer to post, but people can check it from their phones, from their home desktop or laptop, from their iPad, or from their Kindle. So, I'd be rather cranky if someone said they did not have any way to check FB unless they had no home internet, no tablet, and no smart phone. I'm sure there are still people out there with none of those things, but I haven't run into them in any of my kids' groups.

[BarbecueMom]

I thought poor communication was a requirement of 4-H.  That seems to be what I've found out from anyone I've met who does 4-H and from our local groups.  Even the people running it don't know what's going on.  Requiring FB to communicate is an improvement over the "I don't know, call around on this eight year old phone list and see if anyone remembers what 4-H is" method they use around here.

[LuvToRead]

If the leader isn't sure she can accomodate, then say so.  There's nothing wrong or rude about that.

 

 

 

 

 

I am curious how people would feel if this was the other way around.  Lets say it's the leader who has been doing FB, then decides to leave.  And says she will use group texts (and ONLY that) to communicate from now on.  And someone pipes up and says they don't have a smart phone, just a dumb phone that doesn't receive texts.  Is that person now a special snowflake?

 

Did the leader actually say she could?  Maybe I am reading the OP wrong.  To me, it sounds the OP said I am no longer on FB, here is my info.  I didn't catch if the leader actually said she would communicate via another method.

[maize]

OP, I'm agreeing with others that it is on you, not the volunteer leader, to keep up with communication if you opt out of the primary group communication method.

 

I suggest a quick text to either the leader or your friend once a week:

 

"Is the 4H meeting still scheduled for x:00?" so that most of the time the response could be a simple "yep".

 

I think this would be least burdensome to them.

[bettyandbob]

If the leader isn't sure she can accomodate, then say so. There's nothing wrong or rude about that.

 

 

 

 

 

I am curious how people would feel if this was the other way around. Lets say it's the leader who has been doing FB, then decides to leave. And says she will use group texts (and ONLY that) to communicate from now on. And someone pipes up and says they don't have a smart phone, just a dumb phone that doesn't receive texts. Is that person now a special snowflake?

I can't imagine a leader in the middle of tenure as leader changing the communication method that is working.

 

That said, if one decided they were against FB and wanted out, I would expect them to request someone to step up and volunteer to manage the group communication for her. She could then give info to the communication coordinator. The communication coordinator could then be the person to find out the best universal method to contact everyone. The best universal method may still be FB.

 

I would be surprised if a leader would decide to complicate the group communication though.

[poppy]

I think you are missing something.

 

I have said two things.  All groups should use at least two methods.  And that a leader who says they will do X communication...should do X communication. 

 

Neither of which means "I don't like the way you do it, so do it different for me every day going forward or you are a bad leader." 

 

 So it is "have two communication forms or you are a bad leader"? She didn't have to have two before.

 

I don't WANT to be in one of those groups where I get a FB message, email and text all with identical info every time..... that's an annoyance, not a good thing.  I put up with it, because I know the leader does it because someone said "Do things different for me".     We have that in my daughter's girl scout troop.  28 sets of parents getting multiple identical  messages multiple times a week because one lady won't do facebook and one other lady won't check emails.   I don't complain, because it makes it easier for the leader, but it's not "good leadership" (or bad).  It's simply  passing on her problems to all of us.

 

I also want to say, when a person says "I'm opting out of Facebook, so will you call me with every little update instead" and the response isn't an immediate "No. I prefer one communication method",that doesn't make the person a bad leader.  It is hard to have to tell a person "no" and self-advocate.  Especially for the type of people who volunteer in the first place. 

 

[LuvToRead]

This is what I interpreted as the leader agreeing.

 

 

But I interpreted it differently, so maybe it is just a miscommunication.  It doesn't even sound like the OP asked directly for a second form of communication, more of an assumption it would happen without any confirmation.  I am fairly direct and would just ask outright, though, so I could be reading it all wrong.

[bettyandbob]

OK, I see where the leader didn't even agree to provide alternative communication to the OP.

 

"Good to know" is not agreement to anything.

 

It's more of a " I've got a lot going on and figuring out this extra thing is not priority right now. (And maybe I will remember to figure it out later)"

[LuvToRead]

I absolutely welcome multiple notifications.  I appreciate it. 

 

I am sorry that it's "hard to have to tell someone no" but when a leader isn't upfront about what they can and can't do....it's the kids that lose out.  And that's where the problem is.

 

:iagree:  I totally agree with this.  A leader, no matter how hard it is, needs to be upfront and clear about what they can and cannot do.

[skimomma]

I have been the communications volunteer for several of dd's activities over the years.  It seems that the more technology we have, the more this issue seems to come up....communication preferences.

 

To the poster who says all groups should have two means of communication....OK, I have done that in all of my volunteer roles, but there has always still been the family that says, "We don't do FB and I never check my email, so can you just call/text/passenger pigeon the messages to me?"  I currently have a family in a 100+ kid organization that does not do any electronic communication.  No email, FB, texts, etc.....  They want me to call them.  This is a group in which 5-10 emails go out a week.  No.  I am not going to call you 5-10 times a week.  Sorry.  Find a buddy family in the group that is willing to call you 5-10 times a week or bow out.

 

It really doesn't matter how simple you think the request is.  It is extra steps for the volunteer and they are well within their rights to decline.  

 

As others have said, one tactic would be to offer to take over the communications and then you can have as many avenues as your choose.  Or have your son join FB.  Another idea would be to send a text 12 hours before each calendar event confirming the times and basic details.  The text can be worded in a way in which the leader does not need to respond if the info you have is correct and only responds if something has changed.  This is a way to assure yourself that you have the correct info and a gentle way to remind the leader if there has been changes she did not yet relay to you.  Not perfect, but the only easy way I can see you getting info without relying on someone else to remember to inform you.

[Soror]

OP, I'm agreeing with others that it is on you, not the volunteer leader, to keep up with communication if you opt out of the primary group communication method.

 

I suggest a quick text to either the leader or your friend once a week:

 

"Is the 4H meeting still scheduled for x:00?" so that most of the time the response could be a simple "yep".

 

I think this would be least burdensome to them.

I think is the best solution.

 

As a leader, I find this amusing because I have btdt. No, I'm not going to send one person a different communication because they decided to quit FB. I don't care how many people there are, I'm full up with things I'm doing and not adding on anymore, if it isn't good enough then someone else can do the job, this is not a paid position.

[MedicMom]

There is a master calendar that my son got at the beginning of the year. It lists all of the meetings, times, and even the fair dates for the summer. The only communication I would need is if something has changed, which it did tonight. Is it really too much to ask for an email or a text in those circumstances? There are only 6 families.

Clover buds is the younger group of 4-H; she probably changed the time so it would work for parents with kids in both groups.

 

Facebook is pretty much the only way to communicate for many people under 40. Several of the groups my kids are in don’t use email at all(and the younger 20-something patients don’t use email, only Facebook messenger), and not using Facebook is, frankly, akin to refusing to use email in 2007 and expecting people to call you. I understand the frustrations, but if you aren’t going to use Facebook when it is the sole source of communication for many groups, it’s up to you to figure out how to communicate. I do think calling six families, or even one, is too much to ask when one can spend thirty seconds typing a message onto a Facebook group from their phone while making dinner.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I absolutely welcome multiple notifications.  I appreciate it. 

 

 

I am sorry that it's "hard to have to tell someone no" but when a leader isn't upfront about what they can and can't do....it's the kids that lose out.  And that's where the problem is.

Multiple people have told you that it's normal for people (especially giving, people pleasing folks like volunteer 4H leaders) to think they might be able to do *one more thing* for others, so they're far more likely to give a vague yes than a firm no.

 

But we don't always know what's possible, and humans can be wrong or even fail. "I'm not going to do that," is a nice, crisp response, but when it doesn't happen - even without a lot of communication as to why - that is also a response in itself.

 

See WoolySocks post upthread: The interpretation here should be, "OK, I tried to get two people to be my minions but I guess that's not going to happen, oh, well, it was worth it to try..." and then pragmatically decide whether to set up the dummy FB or quit the group. No drama. Just personal responsibility.

 

Personal responsibility. When the information is being faithfully disseminated, it's YOUR job to access it for your own use.

[skimomma]

I absolutely welcome multiple notifications.  I appreciate it. 

 

 

 

I absolutely do not.  It is obnoxious and because so many communications are duplicated over so many groups, we tend to miss messages in the fray.  Dd is in one group that texts, emails, and FBs every single thing.  It drives me bonkers.

[Guest]

The #1 rule of leadership - no good deed goes unpunished. Whatever a leader decides, someone will have an issue with it (literally, every time). The volunteer leader gets to pick reasonable communication methods and the people who aren’t leading need to figure out how to work with that.

Edited January 10, 2018 by Moxie

[historically accurate]

If someone tells me up front that they only use FB for communication....ok, fine, no problem, I won't join.  I have no issues with that.

 

But if someone says they use FB and group text but then doesn't text and only posts info on FB, that's a problem.

 

I don't understand need for a two forms of communication rule - if FB can be accessed from your phone, why should the leader send another notice to your phone via text? My thought here is an internet-based form of communication can be accessed by any internet-enabled device, so it can be accessed easily for most people. If your phone falls in a puddle, you're not going to get a text, but you can still get a FB message. If your computer dies, you can still get a FB message off your kindle or phone. 

 

PS: this is mainly coming from my point of view that I do not need nor want 2-3 notifications for every thing. I have 3 kids who have multiple activities each, plus my own meetings and appointments, I don't want to drown in notifications of the same change/activity. I hate that my dentist sends me an email, a text, and forces a google calendar appointment onto my calendar (that ends up duplicating the appointment I already put there).

[City Mouse]

I don't really have anything productive to add to the discussion, it I think group texts are annoying. A text goes out to everyone in the group, then my phone dings every time anyone responds back. I remove myself from group texts whenever possible.

[rjand6more]

Clover buds is the younger group of 4-H; she probably changed the time so it would work for parents with kids in both groups.

 

Facebook is pretty much the only way to communicate for many people under 40. Several of the groups my kids are in don’t use email at all(and the younger 20-something patients don’t use email, only Facebook messenger), and not using Facebook is, frankly, akin to refusing to use email in 2007 and expecting people to call you. I understand the frustrations, but if you aren’t going to use Facebook when it is the sole source of communication for many groups, it’s up to you to figure out how to communicate. I do think calling six families, or even one, is too much to ask when one can spend thirty seconds typing a message onto a Facebook group from their phone while making dinner.

 

This must be regional.  NONE of the teens/early 20's I know would even consider FB.  It's for old people. LOL

 

My ds21 had a FB acct when he was 15-16.  He chose to deactivate it around age 19?  He actually doesn't use social media at all.  He is an Anth major and has studied and written several research assignments on the downfall of human interaction resulting from social media. HAHA.  None of his friends have active FB accts.  Some use other forms of SM though.

 

DD15 has chosen to stay FB free although she does have Instagram. That and SnapChat seems to be what teens/Early 20s use in our area.  

[Wheres Toto]

Call her frequently (weekly?) to ask about time changes, or anything else that is different from master calendar that you need to know about.  Also always call the morning of meeting and remind her right then that  you are not on FB so if anything changes between your call and the meeting, you need to know by phone call or by text by _____ time in order to be able to get your son there on time.

 

I can tell you that this would drive me over the edge.  There is no way I could handle weekly phone calls just for confirmation on something.  I might be able to get a response out to an email or text in time if they sent it early enough.  But a last minute change could come after I respond to any email or text that came through enough ahead of time to be sure I would see it.  

 

I just realized, can you look at a public fb page without being on Facebook? I know this works with Twitter.

 

Then op you can just check the page from time to time.

 

.

 

We aren't allowed to have public pages based on the rules of 4-H.  Ours is a closed group that I make secret whenever I don't have new people coming on.

 

I would encourage any group I'm in to decouple from FB, or at least not use it as the SOLE means of communication. Because of the way Facebook handles your feeds, it is common for people not to see updates: https://twitter.com/Hellchick/status/942863353403150336

 

That's an extreme example, but it's typical. Until FB stops "curating" posts and offers the ability to simply view your feed chronologically, it's sub-optimal for this sort of communication.

 

You can change your feed to be "Most Recent" plus set notifications, plus groups will have a number next to the name if there are new posts.

 

I don't understand.  When a leader says "sure, I can do X" and then the leader doesn't do X....that is the fault of the group member?

 

To me, this is kind of like...changing a phone or email address.  Lets say this group uses group text instead of FB (which is a perfectly normal and common way for groups today to communicate.)  And some one in the group changes their phone number.  They notify the leader of the group, who says "sure, I will update my group text list with your new number."  Then.....the leader doesn't.  That isn't the group member's fault, it's the leader's fault.  "Sorry, it's hard for me to remember to change my group text list" doesn't really work. 

 

If a leader says "I will communicate with you by X method" then I think the leader should use X method.  If the leader can't use X method, than the leader needs to be the one to let the group members know.  BEFORE there's a problem. 

 

My understanding was the leader didn't agree.  She said "Okay, good to know".   That doesn't sound like agreement to me.

 

I run a 4-H group with 20-25 kids.  We use Facebook for our notifications.  IF something changes or is unusual, I will send an email out to the entire group.  A couple days before a meeting, I post about the upcoming meeting and tag the parents of our officers (we have two sets of officers that cover different meetings).   I post pictures after the meetings.  

 

But, sending an email out to 15-20 families does take time.  I CHOOSE to add that if something comes up because I think it's important.  But it takes time because I can't just set up one email list.  I have new members joining almost every month, I have people leaving.  I have an excel spreadsheet I use to track membership and I set up a concatenate formula to put together all my current emails that I can copy and paste into an email.   Not everyone knows how to set up email groups (and change them frequently) or can remember the one person who needs email, because everyone else doesn't need it.  I don't pick and choose, everyone gets it in those situations.  Plus, I have people who seem to check their emails every three weeks, so I doubt email works for everyone anyway. 

 

Technically I could say my two methods are Facebook and announcements made at meetings.  Done.  The time of our meetings has never changed.  We've skipped for snow, but I figure anyone who lives around here knows it's snowing, knows the schools closed early, and could check the group before heading out in bad weather.

[retiredHSmom]

Facebook is pretty much the only way to communicate for many people under 40. Several of the groups my kids are in don’t use email at all(and the younger 20-something patients don’t use email, only Facebook messenger), and not using Facebook is, frankly, akin to refusing to use email in 2007 and expecting people to call you.

 

This is interesting to me because in my area, I am not finding this to be true at all.  None of the groups that I belong to use Facebook exclusively.

 

My 23 year old does not use Facebook at all, only snapchat with a few people.

 

My 21 year old has a Facebook account, she never posts updates. She use it daily to check on updates from a few "lifestyle" Facebook pages and to get information from a few local groups that only use Facebook for communication.  (These groups are composed mainly of people in their late 20's to early 30's) She uses instagtram some and snapchat more.  She uses snap chat messaging quite a bit but will text the same friends often on the same day.

 

My 18 year has never opened a facebook account. He doesn't know any friends who use it and they actively think of it as a platform for old people.  He uses group texting and snapchat the most.  He has an Instagram but hasn't used it actively on a few years.  He and his friends also consider twitter to be stupid and for old people.

[8circles]

I am sorry that it's "hard to have to tell someone no" but when a leader isn't upfront about what they can and can't do....it's the kids that lose out.  And that's where the problem is.

 

The kid is losing out because his mother decided that FB is now evil when it wasn't before. She sent an email which was not even a clear request for special treatment, but an implication that special treatment would be given. The kid isn't missing out because the volunteer leader responded to an email out of left-field with a "good to know" instead of a "no, I won't do something special just for you". It's good social skills to be able to hear that detail from a "good to know" in that context - especially since no personalized emails were forthcoming.

[Meadowlark]

Oh absolutely I get that there will ALWAYS bee the odd one out.  Completely understand that.  But, like you said, we have lots of tech.  There are about eleventy billion ways to communicate and the fact of the matter is that no one uses each and every single one.  Everyone has one or two or 12 that they don't use.  When a group picks one and only one, that virtually guarantees that people will be excluded.   Picking at least two common methods casts a wide net and is perfectly reasonable. 

 

I think this is my issue. Around here, having a group that relies exclusively on Facebook (or anything else) is extremely rare. I am one of those people that appreciate getting information via different mediums. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

[Nart]

The groups my kids are in - choir, sports, etc. all use Shutterfly to communicate. Not one of them uses Facebook. You can view a calendar, make a roster of who is in the group, post pictures, send a group email reminder, etc. If you don't want to use Facebook then tell the leader you will set up a group Shutterfly account and be in charge of it.

 

https://www.shutterfly.com/sites/create/welcome.sfly?fid=134ceeedcbe4ac56

[MedicMom]

But group notifications don't go in your regular feed. Or rather, they do, but you can also set it up to notify you whenever anyone posts in the group. Plus you can once a day or week or whatever go directly to the group page to check.

My job is morphing into solely communicating on a private Facebook page; things like “the schedule has changed, check to see which station you should go to†or “ X is looking for coverage for Saturday night shift.†I have it set to automatically alert me when there is a posting on that private page so I don’t miss anything in my feed.

 

I understand it’s frustrating, but just like the change to email, I think this is simply where communication is at now.

[poppy]

I absolutely welcome multiple notifications.  I appreciate it. 

 

I am sorry that it's "hard to have to tell someone no" but when a leader isn't upfront about what they can and can't do....it's the kids that lose out.  And that's where the problem is.

 

I don't welcome  it, why would I?   Oh yay, a text in addition the message I just read, it's my lucky day?

 

 

Leaders absolutely do have to tell people no.  What I said was, if they don't immediately respond by setting a boundary..... that's not a person who is a failure.  This leader fir is communicating very clearly with the message.  OP got mad about it, but, the leaders position- basically saying "it'll be your job, not mine, to keep you up to date since you opted out of group communication"- is completely reasonable .

[Guest]

I don't really have anything productive to add to the discussion, it I think group texts are annoying. A text goes out to everyone in the group, then my phone dings every time anyone responds back. I remove myself from group texts whenever possible.

Your group texts are done wrong. If they are sent through an app like Remind, responses only go to the leader.

[Meadowlark]

The kid is losing out because his mother decided that FB is now evil when it wasn't before. She sent an email which was not even a clear request for special treatment, but an implication that special treatment would be given. The kid isn't missing out because the volunteer leader responded to an email out of left-field with a "good to know" instead of a "no, I won't do something special just for you". It's good social skills to be able to hear that detail from a "good to know" in that context - especially since no personalized emails were forthcoming.

 

But why be ambiguous? Why not just say "This group communicates via Facebook so you will have to find a way to get the information". I would have preferred that. I guess I wasn't clear, but neither was she. When we joined this group btw, there was no communication about HOW the group communicates. In fact, there hasn't been much communication whatesoever at all. So my "irk" is really about the fact that we are navigating this complicated 4-H world relatively in the dark with limited leadership at any level.

[poppy]

The groups my kids are in - choir, sports, etc. all use Shutterfly to communicate. Not one of them uses Facebook. You can view a calendar, make a roster of who is in the group, post pictures, send a group email reminder, etc. If you don't want to use Facebook then tell the leader you will set up a group Shutterfly account and be in charge of it.

 

https://www.shutterfly.com/sites/create/welcome.sfly?fid=134ceeedcbe4ac56

 

I tried to use this for one kid group I organized, but, it requires every single parent to make a shutterfly account.   10 of the 13 did, 3 didn't. So back to Facebook.

[teachermom2834]

Just this weekend a woman who leads a church group was lamenting that it is hard to get information out to people. Some want FB, some want texts. The leader doesn't do social media and lots of the older ladies in the group don't like texts. She sends emails but people straight up tell her they are too busy to read emails.

 

I told the leader to pick her communication and go with it. She is the one volunteering her time. If you are too busy to read an email, the group just isn't that important.

 

I recently had it out with a 4H leader who would only use face to face communication. I begged her to choose some platform, any platform, and I would be agreeable. 4H is important to me and I don't have Twitter or IG but if she had said "Twitter" I would have signed up.

[poppy]

But why be ambiguous? Why not just say "This group communicates via Facebook so you will have to find a way to get the information". I would have preferred that. I guess I wasn't clear, but neither was she. When we joined this group btw, there was no communication about HOW the group communicates. In fact, there hasn't been much communication whatesoever at all. So my "irk" is really about the fact that we are navigating this complicated 4-H world relatively in the dark with limited leadership at any level.

 

That's what she is saying now.

 

I gotta be honest, we tried TWO different 4-H groups, and gave up.  Unlike most kid groups, 4-H is really difficult to navigate.

[poppy]

If the FB group is private, doesn't changes in membership also mean adding and deleting FB members too?  With a group as dynamic as multiple people leaving and joining each month, I imagine just managing membership alone is a huge chore, aside from communication methods. 

 

 

4H is annual, not monthly.

[wintermom]

There are so many ways to communicate to groups these days. As both a participant and leader it's my personal responsibility to ensure that I'm using the communication tool that the specific group uses. So I had to create a facebook account for 4 of my groups (I go straight to each specific group page to check for messages), I have to check a website for one group, and the other 4+ groups use e-mail.

 

I'm just happy that all these methods are in English, easy to access, and free. One group I'm with has a large Chinese population and is looking to send info through Wechat, which is only in Mandarin. That limits things for some of us. ;)

[rjand6more]

I have chosen not to have a FB acct for personal reasons.  My kids and I have missed opportunities with groups for park days and such.  We have a business.  And I have been told that we have missed out on great free advertising.  So, I am aware that there are drawbacks.  But there are rewards for me that I am not tempted to read and deal with all the drama that I do not have time for(or the mental health to process).  I am weak.  Especially when I am in a depressive spiral.  My therapist told me to stay far away. :)  She did say FB will keep her in business until she retires. HAHA

 

 

I think it's funny that people who are not on FB are considered "hold outs" or refusing to learn technology.  That is not the case at all for us.  And I have no problem with people who love FB. :)  I wonder how we communicated without it. :laugh:  I still call people(gasp). I send personal texts.  Even to people I don't know to share information.  This interaction is essential to me.

 

And everyone who says to set up a dummy acct--Isn't that against FB policy?  I am a rule follower.  That would never work for me.  

 

If a group says FB only communication, I would not join.  If I was already a part of the group and the only form of communication was SM, I would text the leader 2-3 times a week to confirm times/locations.  I would put the burden on myself.

Edited January 10, 2018 by rjand6more

[Wheres Toto]

If the FB group is private, doesn't changes in membership also mean adding and deleting FB members too?  With a group as dynamic as multiple people leaving and joining each month, I imagine just managing membership alone is a huge chore, aside from communication methods. 

 

 

Yes, the newbies get added to the Facebook group when they ask for information about joining.  I give them one month to join the club and then I check to see if they are still interested and if not, delete them from the group.    Members who leave the group are deleted once they officially leave (many don't "officially" leave) or when we start a new year and they don't re-register.

 

Part of my problem with sending group emails is that I'm on Facebook every day (I'm on it on another tab right now), but I check email mainly from my phone since I can check all my accounts at once.  I can reply to a single email easily, but sending a group email requires going on my laptop and signing into the correct email.   I currently have 4 emails.  One very old aol email that many of my family and friends use, a gmail based on my name that I use for newer stuff and anything to do with work, an email for my business that I have to keep up with daily, and the email for my 4-H group.  Technically I also have an old email from the 4-H group that was our generic email when we first started the club and were recruiting members, while the new one is based on the clubs name.  I keep trying to get the county to use the new club email but they mostly send stuff to my old AOL account since that's what they've had on file for me for the past 8 years (this is my second club).  

[8circles]

But why be ambiguous? Why not just say "This group communicates via Facebook so you will have to find a way to get the information". I would have preferred that. I guess I wasn't clear, but neither was she. When we joined this group btw, there was no communication about HOW the group communicates. In fact, there hasn't been much communication whatesoever at all. So my "irk" is really about the fact that we are navigating this complicated 4-H world relatively in the dark with limited leadership at any level.

 

Because that isn't how things work all the time. She responded to you in the moment - probably because she didn't have the time at her disposal to think about this Very Important Issue and wanted to at least acknowledge your email. She is a volunteer. This is your problem, not hers. She has no obligation to take on your problem just because you let her know you had one.

 

Why not just join FB?

Why not just actually ask her if she would give you special treatment?

Why not take over the communication for your group?

Why not just start your own 4-H group that customizes communications for each individual member?

 

I mean, the "why not just" could go on indefinitely. The bottom line is this is your problem to solve, not the 4-H leader's.