Oh, please tell me how to handle this. I'm fuming!

[goldberry]

Wow. That seems like a ridiculous amount of handholding and such a waste of everybody's time.

If the expectation for adults to follow a posted schedule is so low, that explains why my students cannot manage to remember the assignments on the syllabus. 

 

Ha! You are so right!  How many complaints around here about kids who won't take responsibility for checking their schedules, etc.?

[Meadowlark]

Ok ladies, I asked and you answered. Point well taken. Thankfully around here, using only Facebook as a communication platform is not the norm so I really do not have to deal with this anywhere else. I will do what I can to stay in the loop because it's important for my son. But if I can make one last point, it's that I encourage you all to find a way to respect other people's media choices. Just because we're non Facebook users does not mean we're trolls sitting and waiting for information to be dumped in our laps by poor, overworked volunteers. It's not unreasonable to ask that 2 forms of communication be used-and I consider that good leadership. Signing off-

[Wheres Toto]

 

 

re: the bolded- I would assume it's the state university associated with their agricultural programs.   usually - the main "___ State University", as opposed to "University of ___".

ours is.

 

 

In NJ it's Rutgers, which is officially called Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey so I'm not sure how that fits in.   :)

 

I probably should have worded it "one of the state's flagship universities" because I think some states have more than one flagship.

 

ETA:  New Jersey doesn't have a "New Jersey State University" nor a "University of New Jersey".

Edited January 10, 2018 by Where's Toto?

[Pen]

But why be ambiguous? Why not just say "This group communicates via Facebook so you will have to find a way to get the information". I would have preferred that. I guess I wasn't clear, but neither was she. When we joined this group btw, there was no communication about HOW the group communicates. In fact, there hasn't been much communication whatesoever at all. So my "irk" is really about the fact that we are navigating this complicated 4-H world relatively in the dark with limited leadership at any level.

 

 

The problem that I see is that it is still ambiguous.  

 

I read the reply as meaning you should call or text her to get updates if you are unsure of meeting times or other info.--that that was what she wants you to do. ("Feel free to check with me if you are not sure or text me at XXX-XXXXXXX")  Maybe I am too literal minded.  I  erred in suggesting a weekly call for an only monthly meeting.  I think even if she really does mean that you can stay in group and contact her by phone that it should be on a basis consistent with the frequency of the meetings.  And I do think that the burden of remembering to call or text, assuming that is actually okay with her, should be on you.

 

Most others here seem to have read it as meaning the group operates by FB communication only.  And that being called or texted would drive them batty.

 

Now realizing that there is still a major confusion, I would suggest very nicely, not in any snarky way at all, calling her and telling her you don't understand what she means. And requesting that she be very direct with you, perhaps even explaining that some other homeschoolers you know thought that she was trying to communicate to you that you either need to use FB or not be in her group, and you are trying to figure out if that is true.

 

Should you resign from this group because it communicates via FB and you are not using that?  

 

Or should you call or text her to get updates if any, and if so, how often, and how long before an event is that likely to work for her?

 

Or did she mean something else than either of those possibilities?

 

And maybe if it is not an outright determination that you should just resign, it would be good to set up a follow-up call for a few months hence to check with each other if the new system you both decide to try seems to be working out okay for you both.

 

It might also be nice to volunteer to do something to help her/the group if you aren't already actively doing that.

 

I assume that a text could be worded so as to require a very limited answer from her.  And perhaps you could send a group text yourself so that you are asking both the leader and your friend if there are any changes.

[Caroline]

If a GS mom did this to me, they would be finding a new leader because I would interpret it to mean that I wasn’t good enough.

 

One could argue someone who was already receiving FB communications and no longer is by their own choice does not actually require it.

 

I don't know. Going over the leader's head sounds like a good way to alienate the leader of a small grassroots group. I wouldn't do this if this your only issue with this leader. And if she's bad in other ways, why do you want to participate? Look for another group.

[Wheres Toto]

I have not read all of the responses.  I am a 4H club leader, activity leader, and county volunteer.  My daughter is our club VP, county 2nd VP, and county senator elect.  This is our 7th year in 4H and there are rules that the leaders have to abide by.  Our county requires a leader from each club to attend yearly training and to agree to the by-laws of the county and state.  We are required to take attendance at each meeting and, if a quorum is not met, no votes can be taken.  That said, leaders want their members present.  We, as leaders, can email, text, and/or use social media to communicate with our members and their families.  However, we must also provide written or telephone communication if a family requires it.  In our county, one must contact the extension office to tell them that mail and/or phone communication is preferred for county information and contact club leaders for individual club information.  We must provide this option to families.  Another requirement is to post the next meeting date, location, and time on the previous months minutes and inform the extension office of any date,location, and/or time changes.  Our club has over 45 members and there are 12 clubs in our county.  We have 3 members who are on our calling committee and they are responsible to call the night before the meeting with a reminder.  A leader or officer also sends out a text and email the weekend before with reminder information.  Finally, I am in charge of posting on social media information about upcoming meetings and events, as well as pictures from past meetings and events. 

 

I would contact your local extension office and ask them what needs to be done so that you are communicated with. 

 

This isn't how it's handled around here at all.  We don't even notify the county office when our meetings are except a general - "meets twice a month" that appears on their published list.   We don't send in minutes either.  Once a quarter we send an article for the newsletter with what we've been doing.

 

All my communication from the county office comes by email.  Our newsletters are now posted on the 4honline where we register each year and not even sent by email anymore.  

 

My club leans young, I have no teenagers at all.  So, while the kids are "in charge" there are limits to what they can do.  If I had to make phone calls before each meeting, it would fall on me.  And I would quit.  I hate making phone calls in general.  There's no way I'm adding calling 20 families to the list of other things I have to do for each meeting.  We have the only STEM club in our county which is why we have so much ongoing interest throughout the year.

 

We do have to do yearly "Working with Minors" training.  All leaders not just one from each club. 

[melmichigan]

I have not read all of the responses.  I am a 4H club leader, activity leader, and county volunteer.  My daughter is our club VP, county 2nd VP, and county senator elect.  This is our 7th year in 4H and there are rules that the leaders have to abide by.  Our county requires a leader from each club to attend yearly training and to agree to the by-laws of the county and state.  We are required to take attendance at each meeting and, if a quorum is not met, no votes can be taken.  That said, leaders want their members present.  We, as leaders, can email, text, and/or use social media to communicate with our members and their families.  However, we must also provide written or telephone communication if a family requires it.  In our county, one must contact the extension office to tell them that mail and/or phone communication is preferred for county information and contact club leaders for individual club information.  We must provide this option to families.  Another requirement is to post the next meeting date, location, and time on the previous months minutes and inform the extension office of any date,location, and/or time changes.  Our club has over 45 members and there are 12 clubs in our county.  We have 3 members who are on our calling committee and they are responsible to call the night before the meeting with a reminder.  A leader or officer also sends out a text and email the weekend before with reminder information.  Finally, I am in charge of posting on social media information about upcoming meetings and events, as well as pictures from past meetings and events. 

 

I would contact your local extension office and ask them what needs to be done so that you are communicated with. 

I agree with the OP contacting her local extension office, but this varies by state and county.  Our county is much larger based on numbers, and has gone digital, so nothing you mentioned applies here when speaking of individual clubs; county meetings or project group meetings may have different requirements.  Our county will even provide a computer you can use right in the office if needed.  They do not mail anything, and in three years I've never received a phone call. 

 

Meeting announcements are our second form of communication.  Some groups the first is email, some it Slack app, some it's FB, it's up to the primary leader and was at one time discussed as a group.

Edited January 10, 2018 by melmichigan

[gardenmom5]

The problem that I see is that it is still ambiguous.  

 

I read the reply as meaning you should call or text her to get updates if you are unsure of meeting times or other info.--that that was what she wants you to do. ("Feel free to check with me if you are not sure or text me at XXX-XXXXXXX")  Maybe I am too literal minded.  I  erred in suggesting a weekly call for an only monthly meeting.  I think even if she really does mean that you can stay in group and contact her by phone that it should be on a basis consistent with the frequency of the meetings.  And I do think that the burden of remembering to call or text, assuming that is actually okay with her, should be on you.

 

Most others here seem to have read it as meaning the group operates by FB communication only.  And that being called or texted would drive them batty.

 

 

 

 

I agree with the bolded.  the onus to maintain communication is on the OP.   not more often than there are meetings.

 

if she doens't want to initiate - then she needs to suck it up and do FB, or drop out of the group.

 

I would recommend she not:

 

 

perhaps even explaining that some other homeschoolers you know thought that she was trying to communicate to you that you either need to use FB or not be in her group, and you are trying to figure out if that is true.

that is implying she thinks the group leader is doing a poor job, and she's trying to tell her how to do her job volunteering.  one more way to seriously annoy a volunteer who is putting in many unpaid hours and make them question if it's worth it.

if she has a serious issue with the communication - she can volunteer to take over those duties herself.

 

[Pen]

 

I would recommend she not:

 

 

that is implying she thinks the group leader is doing a poor job, and she's trying to tell her how to do her job volunteering.  one more way to seriously annoy a volunteer who is putting in many unpaid hours and make them question if it's worth it.

if she has a serious issue with the communication - she can volunteer to take over those duties herself.

 

 

Okay, I am convinced that the part you say she should not do would be a bad idea for reason you say.

 

Not sure how she could take over communication though, if she herself does not know what is going on.  

[justasque]

Ok ladies, I asked and you answered. Point well taken. Thankfully around here, using only Facebook as a communication platform is not the norm so I really do not have to deal with this anywhere else. I will do what I can to stay in the loop because it's important for my son. But if I can make one last point, it's that I encourage you all to find a way to respect other people's media choices. Just because we're non Facebook users does not mean we're trolls sitting and waiting for information to be dumped in our laps by poor, overworked volunteers. It's not unreasonable to ask that 2 forms of communication be used-and I consider that good leadership. Signing off-

 

OK, but here's the thing.  When I volunteer to lead something, and no one else step up to help, part of the deal is that you get *me* as a leader - the good and the bad, for better or for worse.  And while I bend over backwards to provide Good Leadership, sometimes my other responsibilities (family, paid work) take precedence.  And sometimes I'm sick or overwhelmed or otherwise not on my A Game.  In which case, you get Not-Perfect-Leadership.  Because that's all I've got to offer at that time.  And if that's not good enough, then my group/activity is not the right group/activity for you.  You'd be better off with an activity that is run by a professional, paid, leader, who has the education and experience to have landed the job.  Me, I'm a volunteer, and if what I have to offer - imperfect leadership, at minimal cost to you, delivered with a smile (if a sometimes overwhelmed one) - is not what you're looking for, then my activity is not a good fit for you and your family.  And that's OK.

Good Leadership is worth paying for.  Don't expect perfection from an unpaid volunteer.  

[poppy]

Ok ladies, I asked and you answered. Point well taken. Thankfully around here, using only Facebook as a communication platform is not the norm so I really do not have to deal with this anywhere else. I will do what I can to stay in the loop because it's important for my son. But if I can make one last point, it's that I encourage you all to find a way to respect other people's media choices. Just because we're non Facebook users does not mean we're trolls sitting and waiting for information to be dumped in our laps by poor, overworked volunteers. It's not unreasonable to ask that 2 forms of communication be used-and I consider that good leadership. Signing off-

 

What if you were a leader? What two forms of communication would you choose, since Facebook obviously isn't one?  Lots don't read emails.  Some don't have text.  People who hate social media arent' going to be ok with some other social media.  Would you be willing to do a text and a phone call for every  update?    And if you have that kind of energy and commitment, why aren't you already a leader?

[ktgrok]

I actually asked my teen how teens would organize something like this, since they don't Facebook and he really didn't know. He said that teens don't organize, lol. 

[ErinE]

Ok ladies, I asked and you answered. Point well taken. Thankfully around here, using only Facebook as a communication platform is not the norm so I really do not have to deal with this anywhere else. I will do what I can to stay in the loop because it's important for my son. But if I can make one last point, it's that I encourage you all to find a way to respect other people's media choices. Just because we're non Facebook users does not mean we're trolls sitting and waiting for information to be dumped in our laps by poor, overworked volunteers. It's not unreasonable to ask that 2 forms of communication be used-and I consider that good leadership. Signing off-

 

I spoke up once for my young daughter. The leader of a volunteer activity (generally a good leader) was requiring work that made my daughter cry. The activity usually was fun, but every meeting at least an hour of written work was assigned, too much physical effort for my 7-year old lefty. The leader quit after I mentioned that perhaps the group could consider alternatives. I assumed the leader's duties. Since I caused the problem, I needed to be the solution.

 

I think what many people here are saying: be the solution. I think it's pretty harsh to say this person isn't a good leader because the communication comes in a form you don't like. Does your son enjoy the activity? Is he receiving benefit? Then help the leader make the experience better.

[boscopup]

I guess my thing is I can't think of any reason to not make a dummy FB account (via a private browser window if you are concerned about data mining) and set it up to send all group notifications to a fake email address that you set up and then forward to your real email address. Never login to FB again once it's set up. If FB is an addiction for you, have your husband set a new password after you set everything up. You give FB no real information, so identity is safe. You are in a private browser window, so no malicious cookies are stored. Your password is changed so no addiction temptation. All communication comes in your email, so no slot style methods used.

 

What am I missing here?

 

I do think it's rude to expect the leader to use a different communication route just for you. It would be one thing if you didn't have internet, but you clearly do, since you're posting on this addictive social media site...

 

My church's youth group recently started using Groupme to organize an event. Texts started coming in on my home phone, driving me nuts. I do NOT like group texts but I didn't complain. I put my big girl panties on and lived with it so my kid would get the info he needed. And my home phone beeped every time another kid said they were or weren't attending the event. I'd much prefer a FB group. :lol:

Edited January 11, 2018 by boscopup

[gardenmom5]

I actually asked my teen how teens would organize something like this, since they don't Facebook and he really didn't know. He said that teens don't organize, lol. 

 

my YA's - use various things.  texting, in-game communication (even when it has nothing to do with a game) on a platform with which I'm unfamiliar.

 

I'm working with dudeling to come up with how to contact his friends for his upcoming birthday - an in-game platform.   . . (he's only allowed to play with kids we know in real life.)

[OneStepAtATime]

I don't think anyone who feels strongly about NOT communicating through FB should just never be part of an organization that communicates only through FB.  I don't think someone should be forced to use a form of communication that they have strong objection to.  There are ways to work around that if the person joining the group is willing to find ways to support the organization and find ways to communicate that also work well for the group they are joining.  That can take time and effort and a willingness to think outside the box and be flexible but it can be done. 

 

I do also think it is beneficial to have at least two forms of communication, especially if one is FB. 

 

However, the issue here to me is who is responsible for proactively trying to deal with an issue in communication that has arisen in a group, especially a volunteer run group.  I think the leader should be made aware there is an issue (which honestly does not appear to have happened in this situation until after a couple of months of issues had built up bad feelings) but the member should also absolutely be proactive in trying to find a solution.

 

These two things mentioned below (and elsewhere) are something I think anyone joining a group run by volunteers should consider and keep in their hearts as they interact with the leaders and other volunteers of any organization.  

 

OK, but here's the thing.  When I volunteer to lead something, and no one else step up to help, part of the deal is that you get *me* as a leader - the good and the bad, for better or for worse.  And while I bend over backwards to provide Good Leadership, sometimes my other responsibilities (family, paid work) take precedence.  And sometimes I'm sick or overwhelmed or otherwise not on my A Game.  In which case, you get Not-Perfect-Leadership.  Because that's all I've got to offer at that time.  And if that's not good enough, then my group/activity is not the right group/activity for you.  You'd be better off with an activity that is run by a professional, paid, leader, who has the education and experience to have landed the job.  Me, I'm a volunteer, and if what I have to offer - imperfect leadership, at minimal cost to you, delivered with a smile (if a sometimes overwhelmed one) - is not what you're looking for, then my activity is not a good fit for you and your family.  And that's OK.
Good Leadership is worth paying for.  Don't expect perfection from an unpaid volunteer.  

 

 

I spoke up once for my young daughter. The leader of a volunteer activity (generally a good leader) was requiring work that made my daughter cry. The activity usually was fun, but every meeting at least an hour of written work was assigned, too much physical effort for my 7-year old lefty. The leader quit after I mentioned that perhaps the group could consider alternatives. I assumed the leader's duties. Since I caused the problem, I needed to be the solution.

 

I think what many people here are saying: be the solution. I think it's pretty harsh to say this person isn't a good leader because the communication comes in a form you don't like. Does your son enjoy the activity? Is he receiving benefit? Then help the leader make the experience better.

 

I agree.

 

 

Having volunteered to run certain organizations/homeschooling groups I know I spent HUGE amounts of hours behind the scenes trying to keep things going.  It was like a part time and at times a full time job.  And I was still running a business, homeschooling my kids, running the household, taking care of a pile of animals, etc.  Only a tiny group of people was willing to step up to the plate and help.  Everyone else just expected things to be perfect and any little thing that wasn't got blown up into a bigger issue than it ever had to be.  They didn't want to put in any effort on their end.  And most of the time people did NOT come forward in a proactive way to talk with our tiny group of helpers and brainstorm ways to work things out or even to inform us directly that things were not working, for whatever reason.  They winged about it to their families, they got mad and stewed inside, they talked among others, they built up bad feelings instead of actually addressing any issues they had and proactively trying to fix those issues.  And so did a lot of the volunteers.  No one focused on the many, many things we were providing (frequently at no or very low cost because we put in a ton of time finding ways to do that).  So one by one that tiny group of volunteers quit.  And so did I.  There is only so much one person can do.  And now all those groups are gone.  They don't exist anymore.  And it is all our kids that lost out.  And those people that were winging?  They were so upset that our groups folded.  Lots of "But we loved.....!"  or " We really miss .......!" or "No other group offered what this did.  What will we do now?"  

 

Cherish your volunteers, accept that they are not perfect, realize that they are probably putting in tons of hours behind the scenes for no pay, no accolades, and often times at the expense of time spent with their own families.  Try hard to work with them, support them and cut them some slack.  The part you see is just a tinsy part of what they actually do.  Be part of the solution.   Find ways to work with them, not against them.  

 

Best wishes.

[historically accurate]

Ok ladies, I asked and you answered. Point well taken. Thankfully around here, using only Facebook as a communication platform is not the norm so I really do not have to deal with this anywhere else. I will do what I can to stay in the loop because it's important for my son. But if I can make one last point, it's that I encourage you all to find a way to respect other people's media choices. Just because we're non Facebook users does not mean we're trolls sitting and waiting for information to be dumped in our laps by poor, overworked volunteers. It's not unreasonable to ask that 2 forms of communication be used-and I consider that good leadership. Signing off-

 

IMO, you did actually have 2 forms of communication - you said you had a printed calendar and FB notification. Changes to the printed calendar are handled through FB notification. 

 

I don't know what forms you would do if it were up to you - would you call and text? Would you print out new calendars every month if there is a change and email one as well? 

 

I really don't get the two forms - it seems overly onerous when FB is reliable and working for the majority of the group. 

[Pen]

I actually asked my teen how teens would organize something like this, since they don't Facebook and he really didn't know. He said that teens don't organize, lol. 

 

 

My ds's peers often do...   I believe they use Google group texting. ...  hard for us since we are in a cell phone shadow...  

 

Some things have been missed due to not knowing about them in time, but guess that's how the cookie crumbles.  Nothing really critical has been missed, and no drives to go to something that was cancelled have been horribly onerous or embarrassing.  So far. Knock on wood.

[Pen]

OK, but here's the thing.  When I volunteer to lead something, and no one else step up to help, part of the deal is that you get *me* as a leader - the good and the bad, for better or for worse.  And while I bend over backwards to provide Good Leadership, sometimes my other responsibilities (family, paid work) take precedence.  And sometimes I'm sick or overwhelmed or otherwise not on my A Game.  In which case, you get Not-Perfect-Leadership.  Because that's all I've got to offer at that time.  And if that's not good enough, then my group/activity is not the right group/activity for you.  You'd be better off with an activity that is run by a professional, paid, leader, who has the education and experience to have landed the job.  Me, I'm a volunteer, and if what I have to offer - imperfect leadership, at minimal cost to you, delivered with a smile (if a sometimes overwhelmed one) - is not what you're looking for, then my activity is not a good fit for you and your family.  And that's OK.

Good Leadership is worth paying for.  Don't expect perfection from an unpaid volunteer.  

 

 

I agree with the general thrust of the above.

 

 

I've not found that paid leadership necessarily provides good communication, nor the opposite, however.

[Frances]

It seems pretty funny for people on a communication platform funded by and advertising a commercial entity to be complaining about a different communication platform because it's hosted by a commercial entity.

Why? Not all commercial entities are created equal. Just like I don’t purchase items from some companies I have issues with, I can choose to use or not use some communication platforms.

 

My primary reasons for not liking or using Facebook haven’t even been mentioned in this thread, but they are not strong enough that I wouldn’t do as many have suggested an open a fake account and link the email if I belonged to a group that communicated only via Facebook.

[MinivanMom]

I actually asked my teen how teens would organize something like this, since they don't Facebook and he really didn't know. He said that teens don't organize, lol. 

 

My teen is the president of an organization. She does all organizing and communicating by email. The adult advisors also communicate by email. Occasionally, she (or the adults) will text out reminders, but those are always in addition to email. There is no communication by facebook, because none of the teens are on facebook. Email works just fine for organizing and communicating.

 

For just organizing with friends, they text each other or use some kind of group texting. Teens without phones wind up left out, but that is probably a topic for a different thread.

 

I live in an upper-class tech bubble, and I've never encountered a group that only communicates by facebook so I sympathize with the op. I do think that expecting people to join facebook is a bit different than expecting them to have access to email. I also sympathize strongly with all the volunteer burnout expressed in this thread. I do wonder if long-time homeschoolers are more likely to be burnt out in this way. I have always found people in the homeschooling community to be somewhat more . . . demanding . . . than in other volunteer communities I've been a part of. 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I really have to wonder if everyone who avoids FB for the philosophical reasons also avoids all Google products? 

 

http://bgr.com/2016/02/11/why-facebook-and-google-mine-your-data-and-why-theres-nothing-you-can-do-to-stop-it/

[Wheres Toto]

I really have to wonder if everyone who avoids FB for the philosophical reasons also avoids all Google products? 

 

http://bgr.com/2016/02/11/why-facebook-and-google-mine-your-data-and-why-theres-nothing-you-can-do-to-stop-it/

 

And pay for private email servers rather than use any of the free options.

 

ETA:  I don't like groups that do all their organizing on email.  My kids choir uses email only and I can't stand getting a bunch of replies because everybody hits Reply All to say "my kid can't make it".   I don't need to know your kids schedule.  

 

ETAA:  How does an email only group work with sharing pictures?  Do you send a million emails so you can attached 80 pictures and people have to download and scroll through them all to find the ones with their kid?  Much easier on Facebook.  

Edited January 11, 2018 by Where's Toto?

[OneStepAtATime]

I really have to wonder if everyone who avoids FB for the philosophical reasons also avoids all Google products? 

 

http://bgr.com/2016/02/11/why-facebook-and-google-mine-your-data-and-why-theres-nothing-you-can-do-to-stop-it/

LOL.  Funny you should ask.   Frankly I hate Google too.  But DH has us tied to Google like I married the darn thing.  He's on FB too, coincidentally.  I'd be happy to dump both.   :laugh:

[Tsuga]

I don't think this is the whole story on volunteering. As a volunteer, sure, there are some things you can set your own terms for, but there are others you can't. When you take on a position, you do need to have the ability to meet the demands of the role.

 

Back in the old days, people really did have to call around to everyone if they were volunteering as a communications person or leader or whoever did that. They had to make up newsletters, and so on. Someone who said they would lead a group without actually doing this - well, it wouldn't make sense.

 

Well, now they don't, which is nice. And communications are far more varied. But that does with its own trade-offs, like people choosing different methods, or different platforms, which in a way makes communication less simple than it was in the phone days.

 

If someone is going to be effectively communicating with a group that's just the reality. And I think the two basic approaches are they will have to either choose the most basic communications options like email or phone and newsletters - more like business communications - or they will have to use all the popular communications platforms as well as those other things. The former to me, seems the simplest, or one of those AND whatever the most commonly used platform is.

 

I mean, the situation isn't actually getting any easier - there are more and more platforms, and plenty of people aren't on FB, especially if they are younger, the use other things. At a certain point it's going to get to where people doing communications are having to navigate more of them, or switch to new ones if more of the user group prefers different ones. Which also seems rather fraught - more work for the volunteer to ad more groups, but you will leave people behind if you switch.

 

But I don't think a volunteer always gets to set the parameters - and I suppose especially for an organization where they are filling a particular role.

I agree with much of what you wrote.

 

And I have an extremely simple solution when people aren't running groups the way I want.

 

It solves literally all my problems.

 

 

 

I do it myself.

 

I call the event center. I invite members. I manage schedules and equipment. I manage the kids. I write the media posts and reach out and collect dues and set up payment methods and carry around permission slips in a plastic cover. I create and maintain mailing lists.i deal with requests. I order patches and take time off work to get awards. I find curricula and print it out and execute it. I follow up.with kids and find the bathroom for them. I check lists to see who can drive.

 

And that's week one.

 

Then I don't have to worry about the onerous task of joining Facebook.

[OneStepAtATime]

I agree with much of what you wrote.

 

And I have an extremely simple solution when people aren't running groups the way I want.

 

It solves literally all my problems.

 

 

 

I do it myself.

 

I call the event center. I invite members. I manage schedules and equipment. I manage the kids. I write the media posts and reach out and collect dues and set up payment methods and carry around permission slips in a plastic cover. I create and maintain mailing lists.i deal with requests. I order patches and take time off work to get awards. I find curricula and print it out and execute it. I follow up.with kids and find the bathroom for them. I check lists to see who can drive.

 

And that's week one.

 

Then I don't have to worry about the onerous task of joining Facebook.

:lol:  :hurray:

[ktgrok]

my YA's - use various things.  texting, in-game communication (even when it has nothing to do with a game) on a platform with which I'm unfamiliar.

 

I'm working with dudeling to come up with how to contact his friends for his upcoming birthday - an in-game platform.   . . (he's only allowed to play with kids we know in real life.)

 

Yeah, he said they might use Discord, which I think is an in game type of video conferencing maybe? But it doesn't have calendar functions or some of the other stuff Facebook has. 

[Frances]

I guess my thing is I can't think of any reason to not make a dummy FB account (via a private browser window if you are concerned about data mining) and set it up to send all group notifications to a fake email address that you set up and then forward to your real email address. Never login to FB again once it's set up. If FB is an addiction for you, have your husband set a new password after you set everything up. You give FB no real information, so identity is safe. You are in a private browser window, so no malicious cookies are stored. Your password is changed so no addiction temptation. All communication comes in your email, so no slot style methods used.

 

What am I missing here?

 

I do think it's rude to expect the leader to use a different communication route just for you. It would be one thing if you didn't have internet, but you clearly do, since you're posting on this addictive social media site...

 

My church's youth group recently started using Groupme to organize an event. Texts started coming in on my home phone, driving me nuts. I do NOT like group texts but I didn't complain. I put my big girl panties on and lived with it so my kid would get the info he needed. And my home phone beeped every time another kid said they were or weren't attending the event. I'd much prefer a FB group. :lol:

For several reasons that have nothing to do with privacy, data mining, or addiction, I don’t want to support Facebook in any way. That being said, in the OPs situation, I absolutely would create a dummy Facebook account and not ask the group leader to do anything special for me.

[Guinevere]

So, I've not read all the replies.

 

But I'm a volunteer who coordinates lots of things. In fact, I had so much to do over the last couple of days that I didnt even sleep at all from Monday morning until late wednesday. And it's not a big deal to me to post on facebook, screenshot it and then text it to the few who need it. I do it all the time.

 

The op was in a Facebook group with 6 people. The volunteer can send a text. If I'm in a group, especially leading, of 6 people, I know them pretty well. I make a point of that. I can easily avoid schedule conflicts, and keep everything running smoothly by having a relationship with the people I'm spending time with. "Hey Sue, does Joey still have gymnastics on Tuesday?" "Ok, great, I can schedule the awards banquet that night?"

 

Groups are about the people, and connections with the people. Good leadership is about the people.

 

I find this ridiculous.

[Guinevere]

Oh, and I organize things with 100s of people in the 20-30 range. Most of them are on Facebook.

[8circles]

So, I've not read all the replies.

 

But I'm a volunteer who coordinates lots of things. In fact, I had so much to do over the last couple of days that I didnt even sleep at all from Monday morning until late wednesday. And it's not a big deal to me to post on facebook, screenshot it and then text it to the few who need it. I do it all the time.

 

The op was in a Facebook group with 6 people. The volunteer can send a text. If I'm in a group, especially leading, of 6 people, I know them pretty well. I make a point of that. I can easily avoid schedule conflicts, and keep everything running smoothly by having a relationship with the people I'm spending time with. "Hey Sue, does Joey still have gymnastics on Tuesday?" "Ok, great, I can schedule the awards banquet that night?"

 

Groups are about the people, and connections with the people. Good leadership is about the people.

 

I find this ridiculous.

 

I'm glad that you're such a superstar. I can tell you feel really good about that. That's really fantastic.

[poppy]

So, I've not read all the replies.

 

But I'm a volunteer who coordinates lots of things. In fact, I had so much to do over the last couple of days that I didnt even sleep at all from Monday morning until late wednesday. And it's not a big deal to me to post on facebook, screenshot it and then text it to the few who need it. I do it all the time.

 

The op was in a Facebook group with 6 people. The volunteer can send a text. If I'm in a group, especially leading, of 6 people, I know them pretty well. I make a point of that. I can easily avoid schedule conflicts, and keep everything running smoothly by having a relationship with the people I'm spending time with. "Hey Sue, does Joey still have gymnastics on Tuesday?" "Ok, great, I can schedule the awards banquet that night?"

 

Groups are about the people, and connections with the people. Good leadership is about the people.

 

I find this ridiculous.

 

Bless you for doing this.  But, this kinda proves the point.  People shouldn't have to stay up 72 hours straight  or be called bad leaders.  Boundaries are OK.   Being a giving soul who does it out of love-- is also perfectly OK :) 

[Guinevere]

Bless you for doing this. But, this kinda proves the point. People shouldn't have to stay up 72 hours straight or be called bad leaders. Boundaries are OK. Being a giving soul who does it out of love-- is also perfectly OK :)

Thank you. It was actually tuesday, not Wednesday, I typed that wrong. It felt like Wednesday, lol. Anyway, boundaries are fine, and I have them. I give what I can, but I wouldn't volunteer if I can't connect with the people. That's the point of the whole thing.

 

I didn't say the op's volunteer was a bad leader. I was actually responding to the vitriol towards the poor op who thought she maybe could have received a text. There was a miscommunication about boundaries there, apparently.

[Bluegoat]

I agree with much of what you wrote.

 

And I have an extremely simple solution when people aren't running groups the way I want.

 

It solves literally all my problems.

 

 

 

I do it myself.

 

I call the event center. I invite members. I manage schedules and equipment. I manage the kids. I write the media posts and reach out and collect dues and set up payment methods and carry around permission slips in a plastic cover. I create and maintain mailing lists.i deal with requests. I order patches and take time off work to get awards. I find curricula and print it out and execute it. I follow up.with kids and find the bathroom for them. I check lists to see who can drive.

 

And that's week one.

 

Then I don't have to worry about the onerous task of joining Facebook.

 

 

I'm of two minds with this.  On the one hand, I think it's great that people step up to do what's needed.  I think more people need to do that and communities suffer because they don't.

 

On the other hand, I don't think everyone needs to step up for everything, or can, and I don't think that in a social group like that, those in the leadership should hold the members hostage to their preferences.  I don't think members do either - this business of people being "too busy" to check email would not fly with me and I'd not expect a leader to cater to it.

[Soror]

Bless you for doing this.  But, this kinda proves the point.  People shouldn't have to stay up 72 hours straight  or be called bad leaders.  Boundaries are OK.   Being a giving soul who does it out of love-- is also perfectly OK :)

For sure. I'm not sacrificing my health for a volunteer job. If that makes me a bad leader so be it. The thing is there isn't anyone else looking to do the jobs I do, so you get my best, which may not be good enough for some, but is all I got. 

[MinivanMom]

So, I've not read all the replies.

 

But I'm a volunteer who coordinates lots of things. In fact, I had so much to do over the last couple of days that I didnt even sleep at all from Monday morning until late wednesday. And it's not a big deal to me to post on facebook, screenshot it and then text it to the few who need it. I do it all the time.

 

The op was in a Facebook group with 6 people. The volunteer can send a text. If I'm in a group, especially leading, of 6 people, I know them pretty well. I make a point of that. I can easily avoid schedule conflicts, and keep everything running smoothly by having a relationship with the people I'm spending time with. "Hey Sue, does Joey still have gymnastics on Tuesday?" "Ok, great, I can schedule the awards banquet that night?"

 

Groups are about the people, and connections with the people. Good leadership is about the people.

 

I find this ridiculous.

 

I love all of this. I was struggling to articulate what bothered me so much about the attitudes in this thread, but you've expressed it perfectly.

 

Now I want to volunteer in Guinevere's group.  :wub:

[melmichigan]

So, I've not read all the replies.

 

But I'm a volunteer who coordinates lots of things. In fact, I had so much to do over the last couple of days that I didnt even sleep at all from Monday morning until late wednesday. And it's not a big deal to me to post on facebook, screenshot it and then text it to the few who need it. I do it all the time.

 

The op was in a Facebook group with 6 people. The volunteer can send a text. If I'm in a group, especially leading, of 6 people, I know them pretty well. I make a point of that. I can easily avoid schedule conflicts, and keep everything running smoothly by having a relationship with the people I'm spending time with. "Hey Sue, does Joey still have gymnastics on Tuesday?" "Ok, great, I can schedule the awards banquet that night?"

 

Groups are about the people, and connections with the people. Good leadership is about the people.

 

I find this ridiculous.

But do we know that this single group of six families is all that the leader is responsible for?  Many 4-H leaders participate and lead in multiple groups, so six families here, and twenty there adds up.  I actually know very few 4-H leaders that are only involved with one club or group.

Edited January 11, 2018 by melmichigan

[Wheres Toto]

For sure. I'm not sacrificing my health for a volunteer job. If that makes me a bad leader so be it. The thing is there isn't anyone else looking to do the jobs I do, so you get my best, which may not be good enough for some, but is all I got. 

 

Yep.   I tried to get one of my 20+ parents to serve as back-up leader.  Didn't have to do anything except go to a one hour training session, and watch a video once a year.  It was only so if Dh couldn't make a meeting, we'd still have the required two volunteers to run a meeting.  Otherwise we have to cancel any meeting he can't be at (hasn't actually come up yet).  They'd literally have to do nothing except be there, which we have some that are at every meeting anyway.  Not one stepped up.

 

I do appreciate the connections I have with the kids in my group.  They are a great bunch.  If I didn't care about them, I wouldn't be doing this, or I'd do it for my kids and a few friends and never open it to anyone else.   But, I don't have the time between homeschooling, teaching science classes, working freelance assignments, teaching Sunday School, and occasionally cleaning my house so it doesn't turn into a total pit to add even more time to all the prep I do to run the group, figuring out the exact method every individual parent wants me to use to contact them.

 

These attitudes are part of the reason that many people refuse to volunteer for anything.  It can be a totally thankless job with people constantly telling you that you need to do more or you're just not good enough.

[Guinevere]

Ooh I love the group text idea. I'm going to see if she'd be open to that.

 

On another note-There are only 6 families, and I know 1 of them personally. I have asked her to inform me of things if possible because this is becoming an issue. But, she is also busy with 6 kids and hasn't communicated with me either. I just feel so in the dark, and don't know what to do. This is starting to bother my son so I have to find a way to fix this. I will not join FB under any circumstance so that is out. I've asked a friend to help inform me-not working well. What is next?

6 families.

[bettyandbob]

my college dd is an officer in a club. I asked her how they communicate. They use

-public facebook page (their club is sponsored by the university, but open to the public to join)

-discord

-app (I forget which one)

The officers have a group text for just the officers. 

 

I've been involved in groups that used only one form of communication. It's fine. I disagree in calling that poor leadership. In clubs run by volunteers, if you want more than one form of communication I think you need to take on the responsibility and manage the solution. 

 

 

 

 

[Wheres Toto]

6 families.

 

I was under the impression that there were 6 families in her part of the group, but that there was also a Cloverbud group that was separate.   

[8circles]

6 families.

 

??

[DawnM]

Well, since I am one of the ones who started the other thread, and I am the VOLUNTEER leader, as I assume that 4-H leader is, I really don't want to remember that Sally needs a phone call or individual email, Jenny needs a text, Sara needs me to drop a note in her box, etc....

 

I have an email list and a FB group.  Period.  I work full time, have a family, and I don't have to be a volunteer anything.  What makes me crazy is people who aren't willing to volunteer but want the volunteers to give them all this "extra."

 

You may think, "but it is only a minute or two of an email!"  Times that by 10 or more for all the others who need individual extras.  

 

 

[ErinE]

I agree with much of what you wrote.

 

And I have an extremely simple solution when people aren't running groups the way I want.

 

It solves literally all my problems.

 

 

 

I do it myself.

 

I call the event center. I invite members. I manage schedules and equipment. I manage the kids. I write the media posts and reach out and collect dues and set up payment methods and carry around permission slips in a plastic cover. I create and maintain mailing lists.i deal with requests. I order patches and take time off work to get awards. I find curricula and print it out and execute it. I follow up.with kids and find the bathroom for them. I check lists to see who can drive.

 

And that's week one.

 

Then I don't have to worry about the onerous task of joining Facebook.

 

That's why you're awesome

[OneStepAtATime]

So, I've not read all the replies.

 

But I'm a volunteer who coordinates lots of things. In fact, I had so much to do over the last couple of days that I didnt even sleep at all from Monday morning until late wednesday. And it's not a big deal to me to post on facebook, screenshot it and then text it to the few who need it. I do it all the time.

 

The op was in a Facebook group with 6 people. The volunteer can send a text. If I'm in a group, especially leading, of 6 people, I know them pretty well. I make a point of that. I can easily avoid schedule conflicts, and keep everything running smoothly by having a relationship with the people I'm spending time with. "Hey Sue, does Joey still have gymnastics on Tuesday?" "Ok, great, I can schedule the awards banquet that night?"

 

Groups are about the people, and connections with the people. Good leadership is about the people.

 

I find this ridiculous.

 

FWIW, it appears that the leader is actually in charge of more than one group.  And leaders are people too.  And not everyone is willing to skip days of sleep just to take care of a volunteer led organization.  It is nice for your group that you are but I would NEVER expect the volunteer leader of an organization to spend so many hours behind the scenes taking care of the group that they risk sacrificing their health to do it.

 

Also, apparently the OP sent ONE message to the leader over two months ago simply stating she would not be on FB anymore.  She did not specifically ask the leader if they could work out another way to communicate and prior to her dropping FB FB had worked for the entire group.  Now this one member has dropped FB (and I have no issues with her doing so) but did not work directly with the leader to try and work out a better way.  She just got upset behind the scenes. 

 

I don't think OP should be vilified for her choice to get off FB.  I also don't think it is fair to call the leader of this group a bad leader because she didn't send a separate message to OP regarding the change in time.  I think they both could have come to the table to find a better path, and that should have happened right at the beginning of the change.  I also feel that it was on the OP to let the leader know there was an issue and to proactively find a way to get that information a different way, supporting her son AND the organization.  Organizations like this survive through the support of their members and people willing to volunteer to lead.  Leaders are more likely to remain leaders if they have the support of their members.

 

It seems to me that this whole issue could have been avoided if OP had communicated clearly that since FB was no longer an option she would like to brainstorm another way to get the information without alternatives being a burden on the leader.  That doesn't seem so much to ask to me.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I do not want to think of the volunteer soccer moms and ballet moms and homeschool coop leaders of America, driving around on literally zero sleep because their volunteer work is That Damn Important.

 

Stop it! Take care of yourself, your family, and your neighbors on the road. You are either going to rear end somebody or blow out your own adrenals, it's just a matter of time.

 

No gold stars for you.

[Catwoman]

I agree with much of what you wrote.

 

And I have an extremely simple solution when people aren't running groups the way I want.

 

It solves literally all my problems.

 

 

 

I do it myself.

 

I call the event center. I invite members. I manage schedules and equipment. I manage the kids. I write the media posts and reach out and collect dues and set up payment methods and carry around permission slips in a plastic cover. I create and maintain mailing lists.i deal with requests. I order patches and take time off work to get awards. I find curricula and print it out and execute it. I follow up.with kids and find the bathroom for them. I check lists to see who can drive.

 

And that's week one.

 

Then I don't have to worry about the onerous task of joining Facebook.

Totally off-topic, but I haven’t seen you here in a long time. Welcome back!!! :hurray:

[Guinevere]

N/m

Edited January 11, 2018 by Guinevere

[gardenmom5]

Yeah, he said they might use Discord, which I think is an in game type of video conferencing maybe? But it doesn't have calendar functions or some of the other stuff Facebook has. 

 

they don't need calendars.

though 1ds has to do something to schedule his study group.  they get moved as a group from class to class, so they can stay together.

 

and tonight - I told my overstressed doing many things for others and figuring out her own homework - to stop giving excuses when she can't do something.   that' is *ok* to say "no, sorry, I can't".   don't give a reason - reasons are just a wedge so they can tell you why they're an  and you really can.  apparently, her daughter told her the same thing.   tonight - she listened to me.

[SKL]

So, I've not read all the replies.

 

But I'm a volunteer who coordinates lots of things. In fact, I had so much to do over the last couple of days that I didnt even sleep at all from Monday morning until late wednesday. And it's not a big deal to me to post on facebook, screenshot it and then text it to the few who need it. I do it all the time.

 

The op was in a Facebook group with 6 people. The volunteer can send a text. If I'm in a group, especially leading, of 6 people, I know them pretty well. I make a point of that. I can easily avoid schedule conflicts, and keep everything running smoothly by having a relationship with the people I'm spending time with. "Hey Sue, does Joey still have gymnastics on Tuesday?" "Ok, great, I can schedule the awards banquet that night?"

 

Groups are about the people, and connections with the people. Good leadership is about the people.

 

I find this ridiculous.

 

But you don't know what may or may not have been happening with the specific leader that ticked off the OP.  You don't know that the reason she forgot to email (for which she apologized) was because she is too lazy or uninterested.  And if you think doing all-nighters is or should be the norm for volunteers - well maybe it is (I did my share of them), but it should NOT be.  It makes for a lot of problems that aren't worth the benefits over time.

 

Another thing to remember is that many people who have the commitment to volunteer are doing it for more than one organization.

 

PS I will bet that if you never have forgotten to send someone an email in your life, someday you will, and I hope they will be more forgiving about it than some here.